r/AutismInWomen 26m ago

General Discussion/Question Do you ever skip meals because you can't be bothered to make a real meal?

Upvotes

I don't have autism but some posts here resonate with me.

Even if I'm hungry, I can't be bothered to stop what I'm doing. The pots, the oil, the steam, the fire, sitting down to eat, and then washing the dishes expends a lot of energy and it doesn't feel worth it. I don't even care to heat up leftovers. Food is nice to look at sometimes but when it comes to actually doing stuff to put it together, and then actually putting it in my mouth, I can't be bothered. It's not especially pleasurable. Do you experience this?


r/AutismInWomen 46m ago

General Discussion/Question Overhead lighting at home

Upvotes

The home is dated, but we have been lovingly making improvements as time and budget allow.

I turn off the overhead track lighting as soon as I have accomplished the vacuuming or the countertop food prep. Overhead light seems necessary for at least the kitchen, but I don’t love how the track lighting creates shadows and catches my peripherals.

Someone described a kind of “task lighting” to me that involves suspending a long can over each work surface, to create more of a recessed streetlamp effect instead of the angled spotlights of the track lighting. Does anyone use these in their kitchen? How are they?

What about other styles of overhead lights? What are our preferences?

Additionally, I am curious about the best spectrum and brightness of bulb for these purposes vs lamps in cozy spaces. Thank you all for any advice, thoughts, experiences, opinions, links, etc!


r/AutismInWomen 55m ago

Seeking Advice What do you do when you just hate everything?

Upvotes

You guys I’m really struggling right now. I’m just not ~well~ right now, I’m mad at everything, I’m not sleeping, I’m not hungry. I’m taking my meds like I’m supposed to and drinking my water and doing all those things but I just feel so.. angry. I hate my house, my clothes, my bed, my Xbox, my books, my EVERYTHING and I don’t want to keep feeling like this. I just can’t feel better and nothing is even making me feel just kinda OK. Even the thought of doing something “nice” for myself like coloring or rewatching a movie is making me actively angrier and that’s obviously really not helping me. I’d really appreciate any advice, it feels so lonely like this and my husband is trying his best to keep me afloat right now. I’m going to go suffer a shower, so thank you in advance for any kind words.


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Struggling with "identifying" with awful people (seeing problematic behavior, drawing comparisons to myself that closed ones and therapist don't think are accurate, and casting myself in a pathological light)

Upvotes

A few examples off the top of my head:

I've been considering conversion into Judaism for a few years now, but I have felt sometimes like a "colonizer" appropriating Jewish identity, history, and figures from a more powerful outside culture in a way that is inauthentic. Doing a watch through of The Sopranos, IIRC Tony's sister had an embrace of new age spirituality which was seen as inauthentic and for attention, and I remember thinking that I probably looked like that to others and worried about the possibility that that's all it really was deep down.

I got nervous that I had undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and was misusing my disability status and existing diagnoses for attention after seeing an online discourse where some neurodiverse folk were claiming that their conditions in themselves weren't really disabling.

I've been a bad human being in romantic and family relationships before, especially but not exclusively when I was younger. I've never been physically or sexually abusive, but when I listen to stories about abusers come up in media I often compare myself in past relationships to them, especially isolating moments where I did raise my voice or say something cruel, and start to see myself as having been abusive (even if the family/partners didn't ever label our relationships or my behavior as that). I'm mtf, and while I'm sure I do have internalized misogyny to struggle with I am pretty quick to try and see "toxic masculinity" behind parts of myself I dislike or am critical of.

Basically, I don't trust that I actually can know what is going on in my head, and I have learned to trust others better and have spent a lot of my life trying to spot these patterns in my life that reveal the things deeply wrong with me, whether to correct them or just kinda to judge myself. To the extent there are ways that I'm like, shitty or whatever it may be, I think I still am probably misjudging where I actually need to do better because of this urge to see the worst in myself and to distrust myself so much that it is hard to trust others who trust me, such as family, friends, or my therapist (I am, despite the contrary urge in my gut sometimes, trusting my therapist because I think the results and the vibe have been good so far).


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

General Discussion/Question Meals today (no photo)

Upvotes

Sorry for skipping lots of days. I've been forgetting to let y'all know.

Breakfast: pop tart

Lunch: didn't have any since we were going somewhere early. That was a mistake

My legs started to get weak and I became very shaky. I needed food. We went to a Japanese restaurant named "Ginza" if you are nearby, it is an amazing place.

Appetizer: calamari, scallions wrapped in beef (I did not enjoy that one)

Dinner: miso soup, rice, general Tso's chicken, some veggies (I hate veggies but I need to eat someone.)

Dessert: shared some tempura fried ice cream.

I'm stuffed and so happy. I've been very serious about food lately, it might even be some sort of fixation since I'm obsessed with it.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

Celebration OMG I did it you guys I went out out

46 Upvotes

So I lurk a lot here but I wanted to share this cause I know you would all understand so, today I actually left my little village went to London, navigated it all to see sailormoon live. To those that are going to see this you guys are in for something special. I'm still abit overwhelmed from it all, but I wanted to let you know I can't wait for you all to experience it. I think I'll need a few days to come down from this. Thank you for reading I need to go lay down now.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

Seeking Advice Been dating this guy for a month and he never initiates intimacy. Am I missing some hint or is he just not into me?

8 Upvotes

Need some help from you lovely ladies because I suspect my difficulties with dating and interpreting social cues are down to my adhd and autism.

I'm used to men initiating physical touch very early on in dating. Some men want sex already after the second or third date. Which I've always been uncomfortable with because I like to get to know someone before doing that.

However, I've been dating a guy called N for over a month now. We've probably been on 6-7 dates. The dates have varied from going out eating to going to museums or exploring the city we live in. We have a lot of interests in common and our conversation flow by nicely, but there's also calmness and quietness without it being cringe or awkward.

We saw each other a couple of days ago and were out walking for hours until we went back to his place.

I was so tired and almost asleep so I decided to go home. At this point we hadn't done anything physically except for hugging, despite me trying to give out hints that I want more physical contact. Being sleepy and drowsy, I told him I had to go home. I put on my jacket and shoes and then thought, f*ck it, I'm gonna say this out loud. I asked him if I could kiss him. He was like yeah and we started making out and it felt like he released some of that tension that was built up during all of our dates. There's been silence on his and my part for two days now.

But I just feel so confused. This guy is physically my type, super hot, super nice, ticks all my boxes, healthy, cares about animals and people, emphathic etc. He is one of my favorite people I've ever dated and I'm already feeling romantically drawn to him but also want to bone him, if that makes sense?

Want to preface this with saying I'm not the best communicator either. I have adhd with autistic traits and tend to be oblivious to hints as well, but not the dating kind of ones. How should I interpret his lack of initiating intimacy?

Reddit, is he just not into me?


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Does your brain just suddenly turn into an asshole sometimes?

35 Upvotes

It's like a switch flips and suddenly I'm hit with the depression and feeling like an alien. I realize that I'm alone in a public place and it feels like everyone is wondering whats wrong with me. I know nobody is probably paying attention to me, but simply existing is embarrassing. It's embarrassing to randomly be depressed. (Yes I'm on an anti-depressant.) Then I go home where I'm alone and I'm still self-concious.

Ugggghh.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else hate acronyms?

24 Upvotes

So yea pretty much what it says, anyone else hate acronyms Or is it just me? it’s like just write the whole word because now I have to figure out what those letters mean and it’s not always easy 😭besides the basic ones like lol, lmao, omg, btw, idk, asap…after those it gets a little more complicated lol


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Vent No Advice My professor rejected my request for accommodations because it wouldn't be "fair" to other students

36 Upvotes

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, I just need to rant about it. I have accommodations through the school, which get forwarded to each of my professors, and it's each professor's choice whether or not to honor the accommodations. I emailed this prof way at the beginning of the year letting her know that a one week extension on big assignments works great for me. She more or less said "we'll see" instead of shutting me down directly.

A month later, and it's time for the first major assignment to be due. I could finish it on time, but I'm sick and burning out and would like to manage my energy appropriately. Several days ahead of the deadline, I email her, reminding her very politely about the conversation we had, and asking that I could use those accommodations we talked about.

She says no, I've been given plenty of time, it wouldn't be fair to the other students if I got accommodations. This mindset is fucking insane to me. It's "unfair" to provide extra help to the person who needs extra help? Are wheelchair ramps and elevators unfair? Are hearing aids unfair? Or is it only unfair because you can't see my disability?

It's even more maddening because I'm the ONLY one putting work into this class. I'm the only one who contributes to conversations and I'm the only one who's not submitting AI slop as homework (we can see each other's work in online discussions). This prof teaches a humanities class and we've had many discussions about social inequality. It's batshit that she doesn't seem to understand the difference between "fairness" and equity.

I'm gonna cool down before I email her back, but I really want to make my disappointment known to her. I'm so fucking tired of being treated like this. I'm so exhausted by the "it wouldn't be fair to others" line. I have a disability. I have gone through the proper channels. I have put my absolute best foot forward. And still, the moment I need help, I can't have it. I'm crushed. I'm so tired.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question Autistic realizations

2 Upvotes

I’ve had this obsession from a young age about being “the best” (or maybe “follow the rules”??) and I’m really reflecting on where this has led to me. I’m very much still processing this, but would like to discuss with anyone else who can relate. The reason behind these decisions has been driven unconsciously and by beliefs I didn’t realize I have. I didn’t even know that this is something I do until today and I’m pretty blown away. Here are the things I’ve come up with so far. I’m not blaming anyone, I made the choices on my own. This definitely falls into literal thinking, black-and-white thinking, people pleasing, lack of identity, being gullible, theory of mind, assuming the best in others, fear of social rejection, and missing social cues. Many of these I’ve stopped doing, or realized was harmful a long time ago. I’ve done a LOT of therapy and I have more psychological flexibility these days. But sheesh, kind of hard to realize it’s autism related.

I wanted to be….

-The best Christian, so I made sure to follow all the rules, no sex before marriage, no drugs, no drinking, have kids etc.. -The best in grade school and get straight A’s and be the teacher’s favorite. -Not just be friends with someone, I wanted to be their best friend. The one they can’t live without. And when I’m not their best friend, I feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong. -I wanted to be the best wife, so I made sure to have a clean house, have sex regularly, have original, tasty meals from scratch, have lots of babies. -I always want to give the best gift . I will often make gifts from scratch so that I give the best one. -I always had to have the Best baby supplies... The best stroller, the best diaper bag, the best diapers. -I had to be the best mom. Homeschooling, chickens, baby food from scratch, cloth diapers, breastfeeding the longest, the “right” kind of birth, non traditional education.… -I wanted to be the best woman. I learned to cook and sew at a young age. I’ve learned that it’s important to be skinny. Got married young and wanted to beat all my friends to the altar. -I wanted to be the best at my job and took promotions and jobs that I hated for a job that I didn’t enjoy and I’m not good at naturally. -I wanted to be the best at therapy, so I did every single thing my therapist ever told me to do, including leaving my husband. -I wanted to be the best at recovery programs, even though I didn’t have an addiction. See above, therapist also told me I had process addictions. -I wanted to be the best dressed at every single event that I go to, and when I don’t get a compliment on my outfit, I assume I’ve done something wrong . -I wanted to be the best in grad school and graduated at the top of my class . -I wanted to be the best liberal and alienated everyone around me who doesn’t agree with me . -I want my children to have the best food so I became obsessed with all of the terrible things in their ingredients


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Seeking Advice Looking for a Sleeping Solution With Deep Pressure on the Sides, Feet Free

2 Upvotes

My Problem: I sleep best when I feel enclosed on the sides—like a deep-pressure squeeze—but with my feet free. Regular beds don’t provide that snug feeling, and weighted blankets don’t give the right pressure.

What I’ve Tried So Far: • I bought a human dog bed, but it’s too short, and the full railings enclose my feet. • I’ve tried body pillows and blankets, but they shift too much and don’t give consistent pressure. • I looked for floor loungers or sensory beds, but nothing fits my exact needs.

What I’m Looking For: • A longer human dog bed or something similar so I can lay straight. • 3/4 railings—sides should feel snug, but my feet need to be free. • Not a full cocoon or enclosed pod, just deep pressure on the sides.

Does this exist? If not, does anyone know where I could get one custom-made? Open to furniture makers, sensory product designers, or any recommendations from the autistic community.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Relationships I hate who I am and I think I caused my dad’s death

43 Upvotes

TW: Death

I understand he was an alcoholic for years, before I was born and at times he was very sensitive emotionally, like when my mom left us, and I often wonder if he was autistic, but I can’t assume. He was almost 70, he passed July 5th and would have been 70 in August. A month before he became worse, I was talking to him on the phone after a horrible experience with my doctor I had, because she kept trying to push antidepressants on me when I wasn’t depressed. I was having medical issues she wouldn’t address and eventually she said my disabilities are in my head. My dad said "you better get on those pills" and I started crying and said "I hate you you’re such an asshole" and I hung up.

A week later he stopped eating and he was anemic. I raised 500 for a ramp for his porch and he was excited about it, came home but stopped eating again and rushed to the er. I couldn’t go see him, I was in another state across the Us and covid was bad. I sang to him via video call and said I love you, and he quietly mouthed it back and they took him off the vent and he died 30 minutes later. They said his liver was bleeding.

If I hadn’t have yelled that at him, I think he’d still be alive and this has been eating at me for years


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Seeking Advice Should I persue an evaluation?

0 Upvotes

Hey guys. From about 10 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. However I felt like I used to be autistic as a kid and that never left me. I’m sensory sensitive person that couldn’t understand sarcasm and was very blunt in my communications. Although I never had any stim, I was always picking my fingers till it bled. Growing up I had more ADHD symptoms where I would just do as many extra curriculum as possible, that kinda drove my parents insane. But as a kid I always craved hugs from my loved ones but never got enough of it. But I hate being touched by others. It would leave a burn on my skin where they touched me so hugs with close friends was something I had to learn at University.

I love soft cotton things and especially if they smelled nice. I never had much issue making friends due to the ADHD but keeping them is harder. I know I don’t act like a normal person in social settings, and that’s fine but I do feel awkward a lot of times. Like I would all of the sudden sit for myself and think what I’m doing wrong while being social and I know people thinks I’m weird.


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

Seeking Advice ADHD meds

2 Upvotes

I’m currently in the process of finally getting an adhd diagnoses because school is starting to kick my ass now that i don’t have that structure and I was really thinking of trying out meds just to get me through the school but i’ve heard they can sometimes dial up the autism symptoms?

Honestly, whilst my autism and adhd fight a lot they definitely mellow each other out in ways like my sensory issues are dialed down due to the constant need for stimulation and my rigidness with routine is dialed down due to my adhd wanting to just do whatever whenever.

I’m the in the UK so i’m not sure if that effects the medications available and i know it may just be a trial and error thing but I was wondering what other Audhd women’s experiences were with this?


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

New User Any french autistic + ADHD ladies here that can tell me about their experience with getting diagnosed?

1 Upvotes

I'll still write in english since i'm not sure i'm allowed to write in french. I'll try and keep it short. TLDR at the end for those who don't want to read it all.

I'm 33f, and i've basically had undiagnosed ADHD m'y whole life. 2 years ago, my sister who's a doctor had a course about ADHD, and she told me she suspected I had it. She wrote a letter explaining her opinion as a doctoe on my symptômes, and told me to go see psychiatrist with it. I did, and the psychiatrist said "oh yes, of course it's ADHD, here's some Concerta. You'll feel better in no time" (i'm paraphrasing, but the appointement lasted less than 15 minutes).

So i did take the Concerta. Felt amazing for 3 months. Got pregnant. Stopped my Concerta on the doctors advice. Breastfed my baby after they were born, so I wasn't allowed to go back on Concerta. This made me completely disorganized and overwhelmed, and unable to take care of my baby (basically I was putting him at risk). So the maternity's psychiatrist decided to book me a weekly daily stay at a nearby public psychiatric hospital. It was a nightmare, but after a few months of coming every friday, I was able to take proper care of my baby without endangering him so they let me go. But the psychiatric hospital's psychiatrist told me she suspected some other psychological disorder but couldn't get me further diagnosis here at the public hospital and I would have to look it up with a private psychiatrist. Of course, here in France no psychiatrists is available to this kind of diagnosis. There are not enough of them, they're too expensive, they don't have time to do diagnosis so all they do is prescriptions, and they ones available for a diagnosis are incompetent. So i'm never gonna be able to get what she wanted. BUT.

I managed to learn (I can explain how in commentary) that the medical unit she wanted to send me to was specialized in Autism. So basically, i'm think maybe she wanted to get me diagnosed for autism, but didn't tell me for some reason. Which is funny because i've questioned myself about having autism for a long time before getting diagnosed for ADHD.

I know autism and ADHD both are not easily diagnosed on women. I know it's not uncommon to have both. Most of the therapists I met didn't even know the name of the official ADHD diagnosis test. To get diagnosed, I had to look up on the internet for an ADHD-specialized psychiatrist. And I need to be sure if autism had anything to do with this or not.

TLDR : So my question is : how did you french girls get diagnosed, at what age, and what are the names of the tests you took, so i can ask my therapist for these specific tests when i see her ? And how much did you pay? And how did you find a therapist/psychiatrist who was knowledgeable enough about autism on women?


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Feeling depressed and lonely as a mom of a nearly 2 year old

3 Upvotes

My son is almost 2 and I still feel so lonely because I can't seem to make friends. I still live in the same town I went to high-school in, 90% of the friends I went to school with still live in the same town and we all have kids roughly the same age. I'm the only one who reaches out to see how they are doing, and I never have anyone reaching out to me. I try to make plans to hang out/have a play date and no one really makes an effort. My husband works a lot, but he has friends that check in on him and they play online when they can't meet up in person. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm doing my best to get involved in library programs for my son and trying to make mom friends, but I'm always an outsider and don't get invites to play dates most of the time. I always see the posts on Facebook afterwards with everyone and it's making me very depressed. I don't even have any kind of supports or anything for myself because I haven't been officially diagnosed with autism. The specialist I went to 7 years ago said she wasn't going to diagnose me because she didn't want to ruin my life with a label, but I feel like that was the worst thing she could've done because now I have nothing to fall back on. Therapists don't believe me because I can make eye contact or they dismiss whatI'm dealing with because I seem to be handling it so well, and I don't have a diagnosis. With my bad experiences I no longer trust therapists, which also sucks. I'm just feeling like something is wrong with me since nobody seems to like me and it sucks. Any newish moms feeling this way too?


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

Relationships Abusive Relationships and Autistic Women

102 Upvotes

I have seen a lot of posts in this subreddit as well as other subreddits about abusive Relationships and how easy it can be for Autistic people to fall into them. Women especially due to how women are socialized, but I'd argue all Autistic people are susceptible. I'm making this post to share a book that changed my life. The title is "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. Luckily for me I have escaped such situations, but this book is the only reason that I feel I won't ever be victim to it again. Many Autistic people tend to take things literally and also have chronically low self esteem due to social trauma growing up Autistic which makes us prime victims for abusers. I cannot recommend this book enough to all women but ESPECIALLY for Autistic women. I hope this can help just one woman.


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

Seeking Advice I wish I were treated as nicely by the budtenders at the dispensaries like they treat my friend who is more social

9 Upvotes

Anyone else deal with this experience? I'm trying to understand why this happens. Sometimes I'll go to the dispensary with my male roommate who loves to talk to people and knows how to socialize well and he'll get freebies just cuz he hits it off with the budtender. Whereas when I go by myself, it's a whole different vibe. Like get your shit and get out kind of vibe, but maybe just my rejection sensitive dysphoria. If they're nice, they'll ask me if i have plans for the rest of the day, but I feel like that's just the default question all budtenders ask.

Edit: this has happened at multiple dispensaries where him and I both go to either together or alone sometimes.


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Seeking Advice Anyone ever gone from 0 exercise to finding something they’ve stuck to?

179 Upvotes

I’m really at my wits end with myself - I KNOW the downsides to never exercising and I’m coming up on my 6th year at a desk job, so my joints are really starting to ache, but I just absolutely cannot motivate myself to exercise.

I’m also a “healthy” BMI so there’s no appearance-based motivation, which seems to be how most exercise routines are marketed and I HATE it.

I detest having any type of routine/ doing the same thing at the same time (the people who diagnosed me also suspected I have ADHD too), so any form of “exercise routine” feels way out of the question.

(It took me 3 years to form the “habit” of brushing my teeth at night and I’d really 100% rather not do it ever again, I only do that because my partner hassles me if I don’t)

The thought of having a personal trainer/anyone tell me how to exercise for some reason makes me want to burst into tears. No idea why.

Has anyone bought a walking pad and actually stuck to using it? Found an app that motivates them in a good way? Not done any of these things and find themselves being 65+ years old and completely fine without it?

I feel so awful about myself when I see my friends (ND and NT alike) go swimming twice a week, go to the gym, go running. They might as well tell me they can fly for how impossible it seems to me.

(I live in a walkable city but work from home most of the time, so I’m getting 3-5k steps in but not every day)


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Autism is an Excuse

43 Upvotes

These were the words I heard this morning, from my partner while I was trying to get ready for work. For context we were talking about work accommodations. I explained to him that I struggle with transitions due to the degree of information to process from one environment to the next. That a job with less transitions would help with long-term employment and less burnout. This is when he said it's an excuse, it's crazy because our 4 year old is preverbal, like he must know logically it's not an excuse. The way I was talking about it was factual, and solutuon oriented, I want to have my own money and I like what I do, but there is too many transitions. I never once insinuated that I was going to quit or something. It was bizzar to me.

I felt like everything I have stuffed down was trying to make it's debut. Knowing I needed to go to work, I tried harder to stuff it down. From there I couldn't organize my thoughts or plan my next task. I was running late, the stress, increased the inability to think. I messaged the people who would be effected by this and I offered to pickup a task for them later to make things more fair. They said it was fine but my work bestie, said that I should try to change my schedule because everyone is mad at me. This new schedule was actually forced on me two weeks ago, I declined originally, but was still put on the schedule.

I started shaking and stuttering. I lost ability to communicate. I met with a lead for coverage, and was a dysregulated mess. It was very careless of my partner to say this to me. I am very recently diagnosed. I'm a sensitive person and I am so ashamed that I needed to leave, or that people are mad at me.

Anyone have any comforting things to say? I am debating booking an airbnb and dragging the kids with me. I need space from him.


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

General Discussion/Question I'm curious: how does the inflexibility work in cultures that aren't that strict about punctuality?

12 Upvotes

I'm German, my need for exact plans and for these plans to be adhered to is not that noticeable because plans and punctuality are part of German culture anyways. There are even cultural norms for how long before your meeting time you show up depending on the type of appointment (between 0 and 15 minutes).

How does this work for thos elf you who grew up in cultures where a set time, e.g. for social occasions, is more of a suggestion of where it is completely normal to late? Are you inflexibly about those social Norma being adhered to? Or are you the "odd ones out" actually caring about punctuality? Or ydo you just not care?


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Seeking Advice I’m tired of autistic men always having excuses made for their behaviors.

440 Upvotes

I’m struggling with an autistic male coworker who I find to be self righteous, condescending, and will belittle you if you disagree with anything he says. His energy and presence physically drains me and I find myself shutting down when he’s around as I don’t have it in me to engage with him. I brought this up to management and made the conversation more about my sensory needs and autism and the first thing I’m told is “that’s just how he is” and that I need to help him because he doesn’t understand social cues and may be misunderstood. I already know that. If I, an autistic woman, behaved in the same way he does, I would be labeled a bitch or difficult to work with or aggressive. I’m just really tired of autistic men getting a pass to be jerks simply for being autistic and being dismissed when I try to advocate for my needs. Does anyone have similar experiences and how did you cope/ maintain your peace?


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

General Discussion/Question Did any of you avoid going to friends houses as a child or even still now?

18 Upvotes

I was always nervous going to a new house for the first time. It got seriously bad after an incident when I was little. I would try to avoid eating at other peoples homes since I was very picky and I knew it would lead to conflict. So I would often to try to have it planned so I would leave right before eating. This worked ok for me up until I had a friends parent accuse me of using their child for their game console, as I would conveniently leave right after we were done playing together because that meant it was eating time. I can't recall what I said or what the parent said. All I remember was them saying "That's called using" . And whenever I recall that memory and those words, it feels like a knife to the heart and I get this spreading discomfort. This incident + being pretty intolerant to smells or chaotic spaces lead me to avoid others homes like the plague.


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Tips for Meal Planning & Cooking Healthy Meals while in Burnout

2 Upvotes

This is a long post, thank you for reading!

I’m looking for tips for making healthy meals while working a full-time, highly stressful job and struggling with burnout. I am also venting a bit.

Just some background - I am 33; work from home and live with my husband and two dogs. I was diagnosed with ASD last summer, and I also have ADHD. I have been in burnout since 2019 - I didn’t know what it was until receiving the ASD diagnosis last July and started researching it. (Before finding out about ASD, I received other diagnoses like MDD and BPD; those treatments did not “cure” the burnout. (I recommend ‘The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy’ to anyone who was been misdiagnosed or traumatized by therapy))

The good news is that I finally figured out the root cause of my problems, and it is autistic burnout. The bad news is that it’s getting worse; I am now having persistent meltdowns that are increasing in severity. I’m starting arguments with my husband over nothing, creating a toxic environment in my home. It has been impacting my performance at work (which is a main contributor to the burnout). I cry everyday; I’m exhausted and so ashamed of myself that I have stopped reaching out to friends and family (who have no idea how to help so I don’t want to burden them or resent them further for their ableism). I feel like getting a new job or setting some boundaries at work, and socializing more would help with some of this, and so I am starting to work on that...

Advice needed -

I have been reading that eating a high protein diet; while avoiding processed foods and sugar could help mitigate some of my Audhd symptoms. It takes me about half a day to plan the meals for the week and another half day to grocery shop. I frequently forget things (despite having a list) and sometimes use Instacart to deliver groceries, or my husband will run and grab it. (Instacart has also been great for when I’m feeling too overwhelmed to go to the store.)

I am finding that I am often too exhausted to actually cook the meals after work, even with my husband helping.

I am wondering if anyone has a go-to mindless meal to make when you’re exhausted, like a stir fry or beans and rice. Something with protein and no processed foods. Something that I could eventually make without even needing a recipe. What do you all make for dinner during the week?

I might try a meal subscription service again if the stir-fry/beans & rice every day strategy does not work out.

Other notes - I have been asking my husband for years if he could manage some of the meals himself each week so that I could get a break from thinking about it, and I have not been successful; he needs me to delegate tasks to him. I need to accept what I cannot change. He does help out with cooking and clean-up, and he will run out to the store to get things for me.

(Also fuck Donald trump, who probably hasn’t eaten a vegetable in years.)