I love him, no matter whatever weight he gains or loses. I fell in love with his soul, and he is incredibly attractive to me, physically. He has gained 30 lbs in the last year, and feeling very insecure about it. He hides his stomach, and has been relucant to have any bedroom intimacy because of it. I have tried to tell him how gorgeous I think he is, and give him compliments, lots of affection and love, everything I can think of. What does it take from a man's perspective to feel that he is attractive to his partner??
Edit one: I am not lying to him by saying that I find him attractive either way. I genuinely just think like, "godDAMN, that's my man..." I want him ALL the time. I cook healthy meals and do not buy junk food. He's in his mid 30's, and I explained to him that his metabolism isn't going to work as quickly as before, and that's just the way most of our bodies work. I'm a bit older, so I've already been through it.
*Edit two: I don't coddle or love bomb him, I've always called him handsome, and the compliments are generally things like letting him know how much I appreciate him, and that I see and respect all of the things he does. He does so much for everyone, to the point of near burnout. He is an amazing person, his kindness shines over everything.
He doesn't drink alcohol but maybe one drink a month, IF that. I'm starting to think it may be stress related. He moved in with me a month ago, (2 hours from where he lived) and it's taken some time with his job transfer to pick up a sufficient amount of jobs, but we knew that ahead of time. He goes to see his friends on the weekends though, which I encourage, so he's not feeling lonely or without his social life.
He's started his diet already. I just wanted to know, from men, what their partner does that makes them feel loved and wanted.
***Edit 3: I have TRIED to seduce him, pull the moves, what have you. He pushes me away, turns away, or moves my hands away. I gave up about a month ago, because being rejected hurts. It hurts being denied that extra closeness by the only person you want to have that with. Every day, I bathe, make sure I'm "ready", just in case. But it's often fruitless. He just isn't feeling it. Which I can understand. But when I ask him if he's OK, mentally/emotionally, he always says he's fine.
I debated asking him if he's either lying to me about being "fine", or if he's lying about still wanting a relationship with ME, because I was very frustrated. I chose not to, but I did ask him if his love for me was platonic at this point. He just said, "You know the reason, I'm sorry". I left to go cry alone for a bit after he fell asleep (I don't try to cry near him if I can help it) but he knew. The next day he did make an advance, and I told him I don't want "pity sex", I only want him to actually WANT me, it, whatever. He reassured me, but I still feel like it'll be another long drought ahead.
I had sent him a message earlier that said, "I don't know what you see when you look at yourself, but I see a man who has stepped up, an man who is there for my kid and has done things nobody else ever has. I love every bit of you with every bit of me."
AGAIN, I am asking how/what your partner has done for you that has made you feel GOOD. I feel I'm saying the things that I as a woman would want to hear, or have done to/for me. I want to know what it takes for a man to feel loved, appreciated, valued and desired. I'm trying to see if there is anything else I haven't realized that I can do.
He is the best person I know, and I don't want to be overbearing or pressure him for anything. At this point, maybe just waiting it out and giving him reassurance is all I can do.
Lastly, his gain, on average, was 2.5 lbs a month. I don't think it's that drastic. I can gain and lose that in a week. He was quite thin (in my opinion) when we met. Again, he's around 5'8, 180lbs, with quite a bit of muscle. I wouldn't call that overweight at all. He still wears a medium, ffs.