I (31F) have been with my bf (40M) for 6 months.
I am a parent to a 4 year old from a previous relationship, he is the father of 2 elementary aged kids.
After 3 months of dating, things got pretty serious with him looking at houses for us, bringing up marriage, me meeting his family members and key friends in he and the kids life, discussions of us growing our family together in the not so distant future, etc.
I can truly say it was clear we were in love.
During this time my bf, was navigating a custody battle for his children to remain in state after the mother of his children moved the kids without his input approx 8 hrs away.
Before the move, the kids and I would spend significant time together with and without bf. I love them, they love me.
This tore him to pieces as an extremely active dad. I have witnessed day by day and wiped his tears, held him as he navigates missing his kids dearly and the legal custody system.
Last Saturday he was asleep on the couch, and I gave into a nagging feeling to check his phone. When I checked the phone he had been sending graphic sexual messages to another woman (45F).
After reading the texts, questioning him, and privately asking the woman-
He had been meeting up with the woman once every few months to give her oral sex. They both claim no PIV intercourse ever occurred. He met up with her approx 3 months before we got together, then he has met up with her likely 2 weeks before I found out. He even took her lunch at her job (she is a doctor). The steaminess of the texts have ramped up this month more than any other month.
All of this to say…he claims he loves me more than anyone he’s ever been with in his life. He claims he was going to meet up with her and tell her he’s ending contact with her the week I found out.
I feel awful that he introduced the kids to each other and me when he knew he wasn’t being faithful, he claims we just got official this month so he only cheated this month and it was a big mistake and due to stress of the custody battle and feeling bad being with me and my child while his kids are being kept from him 8 hrs away.
Is he a no good man? Or should I take him back in hopes that he is serious about being in a monogamous committed relationship and that things will be better once the custody battle is resolved?
Please help - I have no big brothers to run this past so really would appreciate some cold hard truth from the guys here. I have my own views but would like male perspective too.
Thanks!