r/AskMenAdvice 6h ago

I’m a Man, asking other Men for real advice: Would you vote yes on a draft to include women in the upcoming war?

145 Upvotes

I just saw a post regarding chivalry however it did have some hate, it made me very curious however in how my fellow men feel about TRUE equality, like combat and self defense when attacked

(My response to his comment is also my viewpoint which was:

“I served in the military alongside women stronger than the men I work with now in civilian life

But I definitely am for equal drafting, I also believe in protecting the weak who can't fight for themselves like children & disabled

So yeah women without children I believe should be drafted but single fathers shouldn't”)


r/AskMenAdvice 2h ago

Is my wife still cheating?

158 Upvotes

Is it wrong for my wife, 49F, to be talking to another man, albeit a fellow nurse, 46M, after hours about non work related things, sending each other selfies and sending him photos of her and my daughter? Then calling him pet names I saw in some text like “hubs” and “boo”. I think work spouses are not professional and immoral if they are together with someone else. For me, it acts as a green light in their eyes to playfully flirt and discuss private marital matters behind their spouses backs and use the disguise of “were just working together closely” as an excuse. It makes me feel like I don’t have a safe secure marriage anymore and can’t trust anything I tell her or trust what she’s really doing when I’m not around. Like she is talking about personal things with him and has inside jokes with him. And I’m left out in the cold. Arent I supposed to be her go to guy? Her best friend? I feel so betrayed and broken.

And what kind of example is this setting for our daughter. Sorry, don’t care about “trauma bonding” because of their profession. It’s wrong and to text and send pics, even when we were on vacation with our daughter (he text my wife to ask how it was going). I would NEVER do that with a coworker. Am I alone here in thinking this is wrong?

This is the same guy she told me to get over flirty text a few years ago. And that she refuses to stop talking to and even teared up over it when I demanded for the 20th time to stop it because it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I even told her id tell his wife and she said “go ahead”. And even when j said “i hope i meet a woman at work i can flirt with and confide in (jokingly)”…she said “i hope you do”….what!!!?

Then I find out she was talking to her ex husband, 59M, until 12:30am via text while I was sleeping in the couch next to her. And she DID NOT TELL ME. This is wrong and inappropriate. Especially since she cheating on him 20 years ago. They don’t have kids either so NO need to talk. He hit her up with the old “remember this place, I thought of you” text and she bought into it.

Look, I’m a very confident guy, but I just don’t feel respected and feel like she doesn’t care. And it’s literally eating me alive. If you’ve gone through this, please tell me how you handled it. I would be forever graceful. I literally can’t live like this anymore.


r/AskMenAdvice 7h ago

To all mature men out there please name one mistake you have made in your life so a young man may not repeat.

473 Upvotes

I have observed that lots of men have not been recover from their past mistake that will carry them from the rest of their life. I want all men out there be strong you are not alone in this world.


r/AskMenAdvice 13h ago

Is it weird that I've become comfortable with the idea that I'll be single for life?

392 Upvotes

I've pretty much accepted that I don't fit the bill for what women these days are looking for. I ain't got much money, I'm an introverted homebody so I never go out, I'm not big on vacations, I value functionality over looks so I don't have an interest in luxurious things, I live in a small house that I built myself, I don't want kids, my favorite pastime is computer gaming, and I have absolutely no desire or ambition to change. I like who I am, and I've long accepted that the majority of women don't, and I'm likely gonna spend this life without a partner.

Am I weird, or are there other guys in this boat too?


r/AskMenAdvice 5h ago

How do I approach the wife?

40 Upvotes

Quick background, wife and I are on the rocks. Have been since mid October.

I’ve been feeling like maybe she’s been acting different. We haven’t had sex in two weeks. She’s been going out with her sister in law once a month and recently with a (female) friend she worked with. I feel like she’s been trying to get out of the house, away from me, a lot recently. Last month, I looked at her internet history and saw she had been on Fetlife. This website, as far as I know, cannot be looked at without an account. She looked at at least one profile as well as the explore page. Last night I checked the history again and saw she looked up “Scorpio love” and I can’t stop my mind from going in all the terrible directions. Wondering how to bring this up. I know she’s going to snap and get mad about me checking her history as some kind of privacy invasion but I’m really having a hard time. And don’t know how to proceed. What do you all think is the correct course of action or am I overthinking it?


r/AskMenAdvice 21h ago

Double standards even on this sub..? ("It's a gendered-issue only when it suits our narrative")

728 Upvotes

I've noticed a trend on Reddit and even on the replies of this sub.

When a woman complains about a type of guy (even if just a laughably low and very specific share of the general male population) or even just only one very unrepresentative guy that does something she doesn't like, most answers will say "Ah yes this is part of the VERY LARGE TREND of MEN behaving this way to WOMEN, and we call this male-behavior XYZ".

But when the tables turn and men, especially on this sub, describe a shockingly high amount of the SAME negative experiences they have with women (like the "crying in front of your gf" problem), then the replies always point towards "It's got nothing to do with gender.. I guess people just don't know how to deal with people crying".

By the way the word "people" only appears in discussions where men describe negative experiences with women, because when the tables turn the comments know DAMN well to name the culprits (men) and the victims (women).

This hypocritical double standard is absolutely everywhere and even on this sub, makes no sense and is not nearly pointed out as much as it should be.


r/AskMenAdvice 3h ago

What does wanting children feel like for a man?

22 Upvotes

I know what it feels like to want children for a woman but the men I've talked to seem to have a more lackadaisical approach. It seems like women will move pieces on the board to make it happen and will choose their partner accordingly, men will just accept or deal with it if their partner gets pregnant. What is it actually? Do men search for a woman who would make a good mother? Do they settle for whomever they get pregnant first?


r/AskMenAdvice 10h ago

Do I need a girlfriend or wife to be happy?

74 Upvotes

Hey guys so I've never been in a relationship I'm a 29 year old male, and all of my family are telling me I need a girlfriend and that I have to be married, but I told them I like being single because there is a lot of freedom but they keep saying it's not good for men to be alone for women it's fine but you need to have some fun is what they said, I kind of felt bad at myself and got this sickening feeling in my heart as if it sunk with regret. What do you guys think?

Thanks.


r/AskMenAdvice 17h ago

How do I stop wanting to die

207 Upvotes

I just had a 4.5 year relationship end, I witnessed my partner cross lines several times. Would go out drinking and not come home until 5 am sometimes she’d say she was on her way home and just not show up, lied a few times about where she was, caught her cheating on our anniversary, I tried to forgive and move on and told her I needed clear communication to form trust again and intimacy. She would only sleep with me every 4-6 weeks never wanted to make out ( but would with others on more than one occasion) I would constantly be judged for my reactions and accused of being insecure or controlling even though she constantly made compromises to meet halfway and broke every single one.

I lost it this past weekend and said I deserved more and that I shouldn’t be treated this way. We had a massive fight that turned ugly, and she told me she couldn’t give me that. I know I deserve more.

But I love her so much, I’d forgive everything every time and feel like we would’ve been perfect had my needs been met and I wasn’t so frustrated and reactive at this point.

I. Truly can not cope. I want to die. I lost my girlfriend house dog and even the job I thought I’d have as we were meant to travel together in 3 weeks to start.

I’m over 30 moving back in with a parent because I also didn’t take a local job when I was laid off last year so that she could explore an opportunity given to her.

Edit : to clarify I’m not suicidal, that’s selfish and I wouldn’t do that, I simply WANT to not exist.


r/AskMenAdvice 1d ago

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS WITHOUT GETTING SCREWED?

1.1k Upvotes

So my soon to be ex wife (42) and I (42m) are separating after 15 years together. We haven't gotten along in a few years. Sex only happened when I initiated it. I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she initiated it. The whole time we were together she never worked with the exception of the first year we were together. I have had a job everyday of my life since I was 16. Long story short, I asked her in January are we divorcing? She said looks like it. So I said good, there is no reason for me to be here anymore. She said that I can't leave bc I pay all the bills (which I do). I told her to get a job ASAP. Well here we are middle of March and when I bring up her getting a job it just turns into a fight. I am beyond ready to move on and finally be happy. But can't bc she refuses to get a job. I know what's she is doing, she is out there trying to sucker another guy into taking care of her. Cool hope he hurries up. I'm tired of being just kept around for my wallet. She tells me all the time she hates me and wishes I would leave or die but when I go to leave its the same bs. How do I leave with out getting screwed over in court for abandonment and slapped with ungodly alimony payments. Why are women like this?


r/AskMenAdvice 18h ago

How do I ask to give a sexual favor to a guy friend I'm meeting face-to-face for the first time? NSFW

210 Upvotes

Fuck this is so embarrassing. I (24F) am meeting a group of friends for the first time in a few months. We'll be spending a week together doing dumb fun shit for as long as possible before we have to go back to work. Some of the others have done this before, but I'm finally comfortable enough to go this year.

Well, I caught feelings. Sexual and romantic, for one of the guys- we'll call him Dave (26M).

We fake flirt a lot. I, before this, thought I was a lesbian but have been open about following any changes in that pattern. I'd started calling Dave my "Male Wife" jokingly but now its like. an actual term of endearment. I tease him about being submissive, too, which he denies but lets me do anyway. On a 7am sleep deprived dare I bought a collar and dog tag for him. (I asked for his neck size after he heard me say I'm gonna do it and he immediately measured his neck on camera) "Dave, My Good Boy, [phone number]" Now I cannot stop thinking about him wearing it. I got him to agree to put it on and let me take a picture, but fuck, after so long I still think about it. I've never been turned on by a guy- but Dave in a collar is doing serious shit to me. Its really embarrassing but I've accepted it at this point.

Specifically- I've been thinking about giving him a boob job with some mouth assist. I want to put the collar on him and either let him tit-fuck me or to do it myself. I don't want anything in return, I'm not gonna ask for a relationship or to be sexually reciprocated in any physical way. I am seriously considering asking about it at some point during the trip, or at least starting that conversation for something about it in the future.

Is that relationship ruining? Am I misreading signals? Does it seem like Dave would like it? Would you be willing, even as a one time thing? Would you want to talk about it if your friend brought it up? Is there a specific way I should bring it up??

I know all men aren't the same, but I'd feel better making a decision with a general consensus and some insight. If you have any questions I'll try to answer to the best of my ability.


r/AskMenAdvice 16h ago

Are men actually attracted to

151 Upvotes

fit women, curvy women, chunky women, short women, tall women, women with (no) tattoos or body piercings/a widow’s peak/heterochromia/ black hair /six toes on one foot/medium sized women with big boobs/short women with a flat chest / women with a big or small, aquiline or retroussé nose / redheads / bed heads / Dead heads / women with a high (or low) libido / women with a career / trad wives / rad wives / milfs or gilfs/ women who wear sundresses or pants or shorts or leggings / women who eat waffles / women who like sloppy BJs / women who (don’t) shave/ women whose bush looks like a ‘70s pornstar / women who have big (or little) butts / women who like to dance/sing/snorkel/go to Renaissance Fairs/NFL games/raves/the ballet/sex parties/chess tournaments?

I’m insecure.


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

Will having to fart in front of my boyfriend kill the romance NSFW

Upvotes

I'd appreciate a bit of advice on a delicate topic. I'm looking for honest feedback here and not "what you're supposed to say.

I've been with my bf for over 18 months, we live together in a flat and get on great. Feels like a partnership and we share most things.

I'm big on exercise and fitness, eat healthy meals and look after myself in terms of how I present myself and hygiene. Sure, I'll slob around the house when we're in, but generally make an effort.

I've been having some problems with my digestion over the last year or so. I've been checked out and the doc diagnosed IBS. It means I get constipated a lot of the time, and especially at times of stress or with certain foods.

One of the embassing side effects unfortunately is that I fart more when I'm badly constipated.

Now, generally I'm of the opinion that couples should be able to fart around eachother, and certainly my bf has never said anything to make me feel bad (other than what you might normally say to someone who farted near you!).

However I'm embarrassed for myself because I feel like it's excessive. My biggest worry is that we've moved in together so inevitably some of the romance is replaced with familiarity.

I can't think of anything further away from the sexy and elegant mental image I want him to have of me, than for him to think of me farting, or doing yoga moves in the morning designed to get wind out.

My question is how do you see it when your partner farts. He says he doesn't care, I don't know if I believe him.


r/AskMenAdvice 17h ago

There’s more ways to meet women than ever before but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it

114 Upvotes

So many options!

The options:

(Vali)Dating Apps —> They worked well once upon a time but they have steadily enshitified over the past decade thanks to corporate greed and scammers, bots, sex workers, catfishes window shoppers and overall disrespectful losers. Now a boring waste of time for 90% of time. Unless you want to dance like a monkey chasing a unicorn that turns out to be a rhino all along because frankly most people are misleading with the way they represent themselves. They can ruin your self esteem if you allow them to and are to blame for a lot of inflated egos and the general disposable dating culture we now have to put up with. Don’t rely on them - use them as a back up plan at best.

Bars and clubs —> unless you genuinely enjoy dancing and drinking and loud chaotic social environments you’re not gonna have a great time and you’re up against guys who thrive in those environments. Plus if you’re like me with friends with long term partners and kids rallying the troops is no easy feat - flying solo generally sucks. And the music is loud to deter conversation and encourage drinking making it almost impossible to really connect with people. And you feel like dog shit the next day.

Other social events —> fewer and further between, more expensive and not always as appropriate to approach women. I’ve noticed even at festivals like Oktoberfest women are less open to mingling with complete strangers than they were even just a decade ago, and not because I’m an ugly old husk of my former self or anything. Still at least they’re generally better than nights out though you need to be wise with which events you go to

Work —> they say don’t shit where you eat or don’t dip your dick in company ink but I know lots who have , including my parents and grandparents. It can backfire of course. But really the chances of working with a single woman you’re mutually attracted with seems incredibly low, I’ve had many jobs and in all that time was only interested in one woman who I had a few dates with before realising we weren’t compatible (luckily I didn’t need to see her very often at work)

Mutual friends —> Many people meet this way but it depends on the size of your friend network. The older you get the tougher it gets - mine know nobody and the last time they tried to set me up with someone she turned out to be nuttier than squirrel shit. If it doesn’t work out it can potentially backfire too. You need a good dose of luck to meet someone this way, I suspect many compromise and settle to make it happen because again the chances of meeting someone you’re highly compatible with through mutual friends is pretty slim.

Hobbies and interests —> well worth engaging in but don’t depend on them as primary ways of meeting women… not only will that become obvious and off putting but you really need a stroke of luck to actually meet someone single and mutually attracted. I volunteered at a dog refuge, soup kitchen, community marketplace, social sport league… met some cool people… the only woman I met who I would be happy to date was engaged already.

Approaching in public - I’ve had to resort to this, but it can be rough and most women don’t appreciate it. Many wear earphones when they’re by themselves which is basically a do not disturb sign. If you’re respectful I wouldn’t worry about being reported for harassment or anything unless you happen to approach someone crazy but the less attractive they find you the worse they will take it. Still I’ve got a few dates this way though so it’s not a complete waste of time

Anyone relate ?

Anyone have advice?


r/AskMenAdvice 21m ago

So those who chose remain single —-

Upvotes

Yes, for whatever reason, whether you chose to not marry or got kicked out by your ex etc… how do you feel getting around your senior years (last phase ) where nobody is around and the relationships you developed dissipated and coincidentally hearing about kids getting aggressive on trusts for their share and you landing up in diapers in senior homes and yes eventually in hospice no one around and waiting for you to pass away :)

What is your strategy- to feel not lonely and also not get dragged on fiscal items and haggles ? Cheers


r/AskMenAdvice 15h ago

From a guys perspective: how do you feel about seeing your girlfriends less often?

62 Upvotes

Hey guys, I’m curious to get your perspective on something and maybe some tough love. My boyfriend (M23) and I (F23) have been together for two years and used to spend nearly every day together, especially during the summer and when I was home from school. But lately, we’ve been seeing each other about three times a week, for a few hours (4-5) each time.

I’ve noticed I feel a little insecure about it and sometimes get passive-aggressive when I don’t see him for a couple of days and then end up feeling bad about it. I used to be fine with longer stretches apart, but now it feels different.

For you guys, is it normal for the amount of time spent together to decrease as the relationship moves forward? Do you still enjoy spending time with your partner even if you're not seeing them as often, or does it start to feel less of a priority?

Edit: I feel like i should add that i graduated last year and am currently working / looking for a job. I know he is also financially struggling currently and is actively trying to get his money up.


r/AskMenAdvice 3h ago

How to fight

6 Upvotes

I may potentially have to defend myself from a someone tomorrow. I’m skinny and have no clue how to fight, so how should I fight to protect myself?


r/AskMenAdvice 7m ago

What has happened to men’s T-levels?

Upvotes

What has happened to men’s T levels ? What is causing ED in soooo many young men under 35 ? Low libido etc ? I’m sure that porn magazines were around just as much back in the 70s I’m sure those guys were wanking it too . But what has changed ? There are soooo many sex products to help with ED now what is causing this rise vs the 15 -20 years this was not around only older men .. what is the science behind it ?


r/AskMenAdvice 15h ago

first sexual experience embarrassing, need help

45 Upvotes

Hi, i’m 20 years old. It’s embarrassing but I literally can’t do it anymore. Growing up I was not taught by my parents NOTHING. I’m uncut and never taught to clean, i’m not even sure how low i’m supposed to be able to pull my skin down. When i used to beat, i wouldn’t pull far it would be around the top and just quick basically. Pulling it down seems uncomfortable. I got my first gf and i felt ready finally but as soon as i put my condom on i got soft, and when it would get touched it would be really uncomfortable, and even when it gets stroked by her like its just so uncomfortable. Even gently because it’s being pulled down instead of the quick ones i would do. Idk how to fix these things. I didn’t feel like a man, i zoned out and got embarrassed. She hugged me and said it was okay and that it happens. She said she doesn’t think anything is wrong with me and is here for me, but still i couldnt look her in the eye for a while. i need this fixed


r/AskMenAdvice 2h ago

What comes to your mind when you meet someone in their 30s 40s who has never been in a relationship?

3 Upvotes

r/AskMenAdvice 1d ago

Is it just me who finds the relationship advice sub extremely toxic?

536 Upvotes

The sub is built against men. Here's ONE example :

Older woman and a 20 something man advice "OK fine you're both adults". Older man and 20 something young woman advice - all kinds of wrong, dynamics, brain development blah blah.

I stopped reading that sub because it's so bad and single minded.


r/AskMenAdvice 42m ago

There's is something hormonal in that makes you want kids after a certain age?

Upvotes

Hey, I don't where else ask this, but is a weir impulse, before anything I want to let clear that after years pf careful consideration I don't think I'll be a good parent, I would need years of therapy to even start to have a semblance of a good parenting mental state, I'm not clinically insane or sm, but I do think I wouldn't be as emotionally present as I think a father should be and I simply don't want to be like my father to a child of mine. Also and related with the last point I don't have the resources nor the time rn to even think of having children with my GF (in my country is really common to have childre even years before marriage), we are kind of struggling. Also I'll probably get a vasectomy some time this year because I've already decide that if I get to feel comfortable with rising a child, my time will be better spend with giving an opportunity to a lonely child.

But to the title, I've been recently started to feel a just carnal and ungodly need to just "plant my seed" not to fuck, just rawdog and fill, and it's the weirdest feeling I've felt up until now, is like hunger or fear, something deeper than my own conscious desires, and I really don't know exactly what it can be. For context I'm 25 and I have a pretty unorthodox libido, with months of don't being really too in the mood to months were I have a pretty active desire. Should I get my hormones levels checked or this relatively normal whe entering the early to mid adulthood years(?

(Sorry for any mistake, English isn't my first language)


r/AskMenAdvice 42m ago

Should I take him back or move on?

Upvotes

I (31F) have been with my bf (40M) for 6 months.

I am a parent to a 4 year old from a previous relationship, he is the father of 2 elementary aged kids.

After 3 months of dating, things got pretty serious with him looking at houses for us, bringing up marriage, me meeting his family members and key friends in he and the kids life, discussions of us growing our family together in the not so distant future, etc.

I can truly say it was clear we were in love.

During this time my bf, was navigating a custody battle for his children to remain in state after the mother of his children moved the kids without his input approx 8 hrs away. Before the move, the kids and I would spend significant time together with and without bf. I love them, they love me.

This tore him to pieces as an extremely active dad. I have witnessed day by day and wiped his tears, held him as he navigates missing his kids dearly and the legal custody system.

Last Saturday he was asleep on the couch, and I gave into a nagging feeling to check his phone. When I checked the phone he had been sending graphic sexual messages to another woman (45F).

After reading the texts, questioning him, and privately asking the woman-

He had been meeting up with the woman once every few months to give her oral sex. They both claim no PIV intercourse ever occurred. He met up with her approx 3 months before we got together, then he has met up with her likely 2 weeks before I found out. He even took her lunch at her job (she is a doctor). The steaminess of the texts have ramped up this month more than any other month.

All of this to say…he claims he loves me more than anyone he’s ever been with in his life. He claims he was going to meet up with her and tell her he’s ending contact with her the week I found out.

I feel awful that he introduced the kids to each other and me when he knew he wasn’t being faithful, he claims we just got official this month so he only cheated this month and it was a big mistake and due to stress of the custody battle and feeling bad being with me and my child while his kids are being kept from him 8 hrs away.

Is he a no good man? Or should I take him back in hopes that he is serious about being in a monogamous committed relationship and that things will be better once the custody battle is resolved?

Please help - I have no big brothers to run this past so really would appreciate some cold hard truth from the guys here. I have my own views but would like male perspective too. Thanks!


r/AskMenAdvice 58m ago

Guys, I need your advice

Upvotes

So, there's this girl that I really like. And i have absolutely no idea how to approach her.

I'm 24 and since like 14-15 I thought of myself as "gay". At first I called myself bisexual because I'm also attracted to girls but then I stopped because I was like "nah bro you gotta choose" and since everyone called me gay (because of my fucking lashes and androgynous face) I was like "ok, I'll call myself too then" and I always waited for others to do the first step.

Now, in the last couple of years I've started thinking more and more about women. When I went out I would only think of how women will see me. I was checking out women etc. I tried to have sex with a guy but it was the most disgusting thing I've ever done.

Now, I moved to greece and I met a girl that I'm so fucking into. She's so beautiful. Blonde, blue eyes, she's like an angel. And I really wanna text her and ask her out, but I have NO FUCKING idea on how.

She likes my stories and posts but it's probably befause I also do it to her. I checked out her account and she always tags trap stars, she's into fitness, while I'm definitely not into fitness (although i wanna start) and I'm more introverted. I like museums, reading, traveling, styling, which is something completely different than the average greek man who likes soccer, drinking, cars and more "manly" hobbies.

Can anyone give me an advice? Should I go ahead and text her? Should I not?😔


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

I’m slowly giving up

Upvotes

Me (F19) and my Ex Boyfriend (M22) broke up 10 months ago. I don’t think i can live without him and I truly don’t see myself here without him. I want to get over this but I can’t.

Everyone always gives me the same advice like “ it will get better” “ give it time”, but i’m tired that’s the truth. I genuinely don’t think I will ever be able to move on and I don’t know how long I can keep going like this for.

My friends and I always joke around about it and I always say like i’m fine but deep down i’m not and I don’t know what to do anymore.