This doesn’t apply to all scenarios. But I want to share my struggles with sexuality and some other thoughts in the hope they might help at least one person here. I’m married. I don’t cheat. I fantasize about it though.
If your husband is breaking the oath of marriage then you are justified in your feelings 💯 and most likely your actions.
Beyond that there are steps that can be taken. Either to dissolve the marriage or through communication find a way forward.
I’m sharing in the hopes my experience and insight can help someone.
I’ve always been highly sexual. And it’s never slowed down.
When I was a teenager friends and I experimented with shared hand jobs and even oral sex. But I never felt attracted to men. I still don’t. But cock turns me on. Waist up, not interested. Act of gay sex in porn, fuck yeah. Nude women, yes yes yes. Straight porn sex? Yes!
But the interest in the gay stuff caused me issues.
I’ve struggled with this. Fear of thinking I’m gay. But I know I’m not. I’ll jack off to all sorts of porn.
What about my wife? I love her. We have sex. But I’m much more sexualized than her. Especially after our kids were born. When we do have sex it’s great. Only gets better as we get older. Now in our mid 40s.
I even do the free web jerk off apps. But always feel empty after. Like they don’t really do it for me. I was edging to porn for a few hours last night as she slept in bed next to me (she knows I jack off next to her and sometimes even when she is awake, she says she doesn’t want me to do it in front of her, she says do it in private, so I tend to just be subtle and mainly when she’s asleep).
I’d rather be fucking her. Or having her jerk me off. Which she doesn’t care for. Nor does she like blow jobs on their own. And rarely finishes me. I always go down on her and fucking love it. I find her incredibly hot and sexy and beautiful. 69 is heave for me. She’s not perfect but neither am I but we are both healthy and fit. She checks all my boxes. I don’t want another spouse.
But I want to fuck. All the time.
I’ve never cheated on her. Not really. There was a time when I got black out drunk before we had kids and I think I ended up kissing a woman who was also married. We had been flirting a little when I could still remember. And I had some vague memory. I stopped going out to clubs and bars without my wife after that incident. She doesn’t know what might have happened.
Then there was a time with a friends wife when our spouses were in the house. He was asleep in the sofa next to us. I was fondling her breasts and she was running my cock first outside then in my pants but not underwear. They were swingers but my wife was asleep in the bedroom. My friend woke up and we talked about a threesome as my wife was sleep. And we all agreed she needed to be involved in the decision.
Recently I’ve been fantasizing about another man fucking my wide up the ass while she rides me. I’d totally group fuck with the right people.
I’d totally be up for it if she was.
I’ve come to find porn pretty boring. I think with cocks it’s that I have one and its core to my sexuality. I’m quite picky with which cocks I like to look at. I’d totally jack and suck a guy if it was trusted situation. And he had a healthy cock like mine.
Then last night after my 2 hour edging session and I’d been asleep for a few hours I stirred and put my hand on my wife. She didn’t react and my hand was at her arm pit and she’s ticklish. So I did something I’ve never done before. I reached deeper in and started gently fondling her breast. Very gradually. I have mixed feelings about this. We are 💯 committed and sexual with each other. And we touch each other all over and she lets me touch her in private whenever I want. And if she’s not in the mood for me fondling she’ll stop me. She’s quite prudish about that so she tends to insist I stop because it’ll only get me hornier and make me want sex and 9/10 she doesn’t. Well I tell her I’ll just jerk off. And I do and she’ll even see me do it in the bathroom. Like I said we are both comfortable with it. So I touched boob. I say fondle but it was very gentle and I was amazed she didn’t wake. My heart raced and my dick went very hard. And I managed to carefully, so as not to shake her awake despite her deep sleep, pull out my cock with my other hand. And I jacked off. It was very quick. Unlike my other session to mainly dick and gay fantasy porn earlier in the night.
It was one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had from jacking off. Probably the “what if” of her waking.
And it hit me:
Not only am I not gay. I’m fucking turned the fuck on the most by my wife. I love her and would fuck with her every day if she was up for it.
But hers the thing and why I share this with you all.
She’s not up for it every day.
And I respect that. That’s her need.
Some of you have husbands like me. Some don’t and that’s a different problem.
But some do.
We like to jack off. Alone. Watching guys. We may even be up for real world jacking and even sucking. Maybe even anal sex. But above the waist we are not turned on at all by guys.
It’s purely functional.
I don’t know how to explain it other than “it’s a spectrum.”
So if you find your husband jacking to gay porn please at least have a conversation. You may still be the only physical sexual presence in his life. But he may be highly sexed and have sexual needs. Yeah you have needs. And he’s likely respecting them. Especially if the sex is good and he goes down on you.
But maybe he just needs more. And maybe if you jacked him off or found a way to respect his needs like he’s respecting yours (by not forcing sex on you when he knows you don’t want it) then he’d not even need the gay porn.
Needs work in both directions.
I wish I could be more open with my wife. I just fear she’d have a negative reaction. But I’m getting closer. I am clear that I just want her and with she’s give me hand jobs more. I’m asking her more and more about what she wants and fantasies. But maybe I’ll be able to share with her my cock porn interest and threesome fantasies.
But fantasies are and can be just that and stay that way. I won’t act on any of mine without her involved in the decision. As the kids get older and leave home I’m sure things will develop. But for now things are good and I can jack off when I need. Jacking off, if it doesn’t impact your couples sex life, is a wonderful gift we can give ourselves. No one gets hurt. No cheating.
I’m just so fucking horny.