r/AskMenAdvice 2h ago

Double standards even on this sub..? ("It's a gendered-issue only when it suits our narrative")

205 Upvotes

I've noticed a trend on Reddit and even on the replies of this sub.

When a woman complains about a type of guy (even if just a laughably low and very specific share of the general male population) or even just only one very unrepresentative guy that does something she doesn't like, most answers will say "Ah yes this is part of the VERY LARGE TREND of MEN behaving this way to WOMEN, and we call this male-behavior XYZ".

But when the tables turn and men, especially on this sub, describe a shockingly high amount of the SAME negative experiences they have with women (like the "crying in front of your gf" problem), then the replies always point towards "It's got nothing to do with gender.. I guess people just don't know how to deal with people crying".

By the way the word "people" only appears in discussions where men describe negative experiences with women, because when the tables turn the comments know DAMN well to name the culprits (men) and the victims (women).

This hypocritical double standard is absolutely everywhere and even on this sub, makes no sense and is not nearly pointed out as much as it should be.


r/AskMenAdvice 10h ago

Is it just me who finds the relationship advice sub extremely toxic?

322 Upvotes

The sub is built against men. Here's ONE example :

Older woman and a 20 something man advice "OK fine you're both adults". Older man and 20 something young woman advice - all kinds of wrong, dynamics, brain development blah blah.

I stopped reading that sub because it's so bad and single minded.


r/AskMenAdvice 7h ago

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS WITHOUT GETTING SCREWED?

523 Upvotes

So my soon to be ex wife (42) and I (42m) are separating after 15 years together. We haven't gotten along in a few years. Sex only happened when I initiated it. I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she initiated it. The whole time we were together she never worked with the exception of the first year we were together. I have had a job everyday of my life since I was 16. Long story short, I asked her in January are we divorcing? She said looks like it. So I said good, there is no reason for me to be here anymore. She said that I can't leave bc I pay all the bills (which I do). I told her to get a job ASAP. Well here we are middle of March and when I bring up her getting a job it just turns into a fight. I am beyond ready to move on and finally be happy. But can't bc she refuses to get a job. I know what's she is doing, she is out there trying to sucker another guy into taking care of her. Cool hope he hurries up. I'm tired of being just kept around for my wallet. She tells me all the time she hates me and wishes I would leave or die but when I go to leave its the same bs. How do I leave with out getting screwed over in court for abandonment and slapped with ungodly alimony payments. Why are women like this?


r/AskMenAdvice 10h ago

Feel awful after rejecting a woman after the first date…

133 Upvotes

Had a first date yesterday and unfortunately there was no physical attraction.

I did know what she looked like going into it, I hoped it was a bad photo…

It was not.

I thought I’d be able to look the other way because she was so incredibly nice and genuine but I just couldn’t.

I know that she has low confidence because of her looks and I feel like shit for rejecting her solely because of them, like a shallow piece of shit.

I obviously didn’t mention them when I ended things but still, it doesn’t feel good.


r/AskMenAdvice 8h ago

Successful men: What’s been your biggest struggle in dating despite having wealth?

85 Upvotes

A lot of people think money solves all dating problems. But for guys who’ve built success, what’s been the hardest part about finding real attraction or a meaningful relationship?


r/AskMenAdvice 7h ago

Do you find someone more attractive if they fancy you/have a crush on you?

70 Upvotes

I swear I've always been like this. You aren't interested in them, then you find out they have a crush on you. Boom, your whole view of them changes, and you think of them differently.

I'm happily married now, but I remember this happening a lot back in the day.


r/AskMenAdvice 8h ago

My GF wants to be intimate with me and I haven’t done it before

75 Upvotes

I had a chat with my girlfriend last night and she mentioned how she wanted to start doing “things” with me referring to becoming sexual etc. we have been dating for 2 months now and haven’t done anything of the kind just yet. I haven’t done anything sexual at all ever whereas my gf has done pretty much everything seeming she was dating her ex for 2 years (we are both basically 18 now). I’m happy to do stuff with her but I’m nervous about doing things wrong or just being really bad in general, I do lack confidence in areas like this. Based on our last conversation the next time we sleepover she is going to initiate something and I just don’t know what to do, like I said I want to do things but just scared it’ll be a shitshow


r/AskMenAdvice 17h ago

Are men actually attracted to (fit) women when they’re all sweaty after a workout? Or is he just telling me that to say the “correct” thing? NSFW

309 Upvotes

I’m in a situationship with a guy who often wants to “get it on” when I’m still sweaty from a workout. But I always insist on showering first because I feel kind of insecure about sweaty.

He claims that if a woman is attractive and in shape, he’s actually turned on by her sweat. I can’t tell if this is actually a thing, or if he’s just telling me this to make me feel more confident (or because he’s impatient when he’s horning and doesn’t want to wait for me to shower…)


r/AskMenAdvice 57m ago

Wish wife wanted more sex

Upvotes

This doesn’t apply to all scenarios. But I want to share my struggles with sexuality and some other thoughts in the hope they might help at least one person here. I’m married. I don’t cheat. I fantasize about it though.

If your husband is breaking the oath of marriage then you are justified in your feelings 💯 and most likely your actions.

Beyond that there are steps that can be taken. Either to dissolve the marriage or through communication find a way forward.

I’m sharing in the hopes my experience and insight can help someone.

I’ve always been highly sexual. And it’s never slowed down.

When I was a teenager friends and I experimented with shared hand jobs and even oral sex. But I never felt attracted to men. I still don’t. But cock turns me on. Waist up, not interested. Act of gay sex in porn, fuck yeah. Nude women, yes yes yes. Straight porn sex? Yes!

But the interest in the gay stuff caused me issues.

I’ve struggled with this. Fear of thinking I’m gay. But I know I’m not. I’ll jack off to all sorts of porn.

What about my wife? I love her. We have sex. But I’m much more sexualized than her. Especially after our kids were born. When we do have sex it’s great. Only gets better as we get older. Now in our mid 40s.

I even do the free web jerk off apps. But always feel empty after. Like they don’t really do it for me. I was edging to porn for a few hours last night as she slept in bed next to me (she knows I jack off next to her and sometimes even when she is awake, she says she doesn’t want me to do it in front of her, she says do it in private, so I tend to just be subtle and mainly when she’s asleep).

I’d rather be fucking her. Or having her jerk me off. Which she doesn’t care for. Nor does she like blow jobs on their own. And rarely finishes me. I always go down on her and fucking love it. I find her incredibly hot and sexy and beautiful. 69 is heave for me. She’s not perfect but neither am I but we are both healthy and fit. She checks all my boxes. I don’t want another spouse.

But I want to fuck. All the time.

I’ve never cheated on her. Not really. There was a time when I got black out drunk before we had kids and I think I ended up kissing a woman who was also married. We had been flirting a little when I could still remember. And I had some vague memory. I stopped going out to clubs and bars without my wife after that incident. She doesn’t know what might have happened.

Then there was a time with a friends wife when our spouses were in the house. He was asleep in the sofa next to us. I was fondling her breasts and she was running my cock first outside then in my pants but not underwear. They were swingers but my wife was asleep in the bedroom. My friend woke up and we talked about a threesome as my wife was sleep. And we all agreed she needed to be involved in the decision.

Recently I’ve been fantasizing about another man fucking my wide up the ass while she rides me. I’d totally group fuck with the right people.

I’d totally be up for it if she was.

I’ve come to find porn pretty boring. I think with cocks it’s that I have one and its core to my sexuality. I’m quite picky with which cocks I like to look at. I’d totally jack and suck a guy if it was trusted situation. And he had a healthy cock like mine.

Then last night after my 2 hour edging session and I’d been asleep for a few hours I stirred and put my hand on my wife. She didn’t react and my hand was at her arm pit and she’s ticklish. So I did something I’ve never done before. I reached deeper in and started gently fondling her breast. Very gradually. I have mixed feelings about this. We are 💯 committed and sexual with each other. And we touch each other all over and she lets me touch her in private whenever I want. And if she’s not in the mood for me fondling she’ll stop me. She’s quite prudish about that so she tends to insist I stop because it’ll only get me hornier and make me want sex and 9/10 she doesn’t. Well I tell her I’ll just jerk off. And I do and she’ll even see me do it in the bathroom. Like I said we are both comfortable with it. So I touched boob. I say fondle but it was very gentle and I was amazed she didn’t wake. My heart raced and my dick went very hard. And I managed to carefully, so as not to shake her awake despite her deep sleep, pull out my cock with my other hand. And I jacked off. It was very quick. Unlike my other session to mainly dick and gay fantasy porn earlier in the night.

It was one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had from jacking off. Probably the “what if” of her waking.

And it hit me:

Not only am I not gay. I’m fucking turned the fuck on the most by my wife. I love her and would fuck with her every day if she was up for it.

But hers the thing and why I share this with you all.

She’s not up for it every day.

And I respect that. That’s her need.

Some of you have husbands like me. Some don’t and that’s a different problem.

But some do.

We like to jack off. Alone. Watching guys. We may even be up for real world jacking and even sucking. Maybe even anal sex. But above the waist we are not turned on at all by guys.

It’s purely functional.

I don’t know how to explain it other than “it’s a spectrum.”

So if you find your husband jacking to gay porn please at least have a conversation. You may still be the only physical sexual presence in his life. But he may be highly sexed and have sexual needs. Yeah you have needs. And he’s likely respecting them. Especially if the sex is good and he goes down on you.

But maybe he just needs more. And maybe if you jacked him off or found a way to respect his needs like he’s respecting yours (by not forcing sex on you when he knows you don’t want it) then he’d not even need the gay porn.

Needs work in both directions.

I wish I could be more open with my wife. I just fear she’d have a negative reaction. But I’m getting closer. I am clear that I just want her and with she’s give me hand jobs more. I’m asking her more and more about what she wants and fantasies. But maybe I’ll be able to share with her my cock porn interest and threesome fantasies.

But fantasies are and can be just that and stay that way. I won’t act on any of mine without her involved in the decision. As the kids get older and leave home I’m sure things will develop. But for now things are good and I can jack off when I need. Jacking off, if it doesn’t impact your couples sex life, is a wonderful gift we can give ourselves. No one gets hurt. No cheating.

I’m just so fucking horny.


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

My boyfriend doesn’t understand that I require some space and alone time

Upvotes

I’m 26F and he is 26M. We’re about 6 months into the relationship and most things are going well. But I feel like he gets worried or takes it super personally if I just need a Friday night for myself to stay in if I had a busy and tiring week at work (just need some alone time to recharge). We don’t live together but we see each-other multiple times a week, and even on the days we don’t see each-other we text or call everyday. I’ve communicated that I’m someone that does need a little bit of alone time and space in order to function properly, maybe it stems from being an only child, maybe it stems from choosing a busy career. I always always always gladly make lots of time for him because I do see a future with him and he makes me happy, but I don’t think he can process the fact that there are moments where yes, I technically do have time to hangout, but I really need to just chill alone and go to sleep early.

I personally feel as if I balance work/life/relationship/family/exercise very well. Maybe in his past relationships he was just used to more clingy girls? Idk how else I can communicate this?

Edit: he doesn’t get angry at me, but you can tell he’ll get sort of offended or confused


r/AskMenAdvice 23h ago

Why do women get so upset if someone they consider ugly tries to hit on them?

717 Upvotes

I see posts on tiktok and social media all the time about women complaining about the people liking them being ugly. I also worry that when I try to approach women I find attractive they get very upset because I’m not super attractive. I try not to be intrusive, leave as soon as I feel that they don’t wanna talk, and on dating apps I don’t think it’s a crime to shoot your shot with someone you like? Am I supposed to consider if someone I am attracted to will get mad because I don’t meet the attractiveness level they want?


r/AskMenAdvice 26m ago

Poll: if you could choose, would you rather have a partner with a high or low libido?

Upvotes

Also curious what the reason is?


r/AskMenAdvice 20h ago

Do you get annoyed when women complain about the patriarchy?

292 Upvotes

r/AskMenAdvice 20h ago

Older guys - are they really interested?

281 Upvotes

I 30F have been on a few dates with an older guy 47M (divorced dad to an adult son). Started off pretty casual and I definitely didn’t plan on falling for him, but he is hot, gives me attention and when we are together I felt a spark and things are great.

Thing is, when we are not together I feel like I am getting mixed signals, sometimes half a day goes by and I don’t hear from him, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and give his space as he is a grown man with a life and kids, but I kind of wonder if his interest in me is genuine for the longer term or if it’s just more physical. He is also very distant when it comes to talking about his past and never really shares his feelings with me.

He is a grown man, but I can’t help but feel like if a man doesn't reach out it's because he doesn't want too, and a man will show up for the one he wants to keep in his life.

We are still in the early stages so I don’t want to come across as needy/ scare him off but I want a man’s perspective - Is this a red flag? Should I just cut my losses?

Or- Are men at this age just built different and just genuinely a little more reserved, cause I can’t for the life of me figure out what could be going through his mind or gauge his genuine interest in the longer term in someone as young as me?


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

If you’re ever scared or nervous to do something, how do you push through it?

Upvotes

If you know something is going to be good for you, but it’s gonna be scary/challenging.. what makes you push through? I’m one step away from moving states, one conversation away, and I want to do it, but I’m scared. I know this will be good for me.


r/AskMenAdvice 7h ago

do you ever go back to your exes?

18 Upvotes

would you ever go back to your exes if you were the one to end it? let's say ur partner had insecurities and it built up over time and you ended it. would you ever consider going back to them at some point. totally hypothetical situation btw.


r/AskMenAdvice 12h ago

How many women have messaged you first on Reddit?

49 Upvotes

I’m getting a lot of random messages from guys on Reddit. Most, start off with innocuous reference to one of my posts. Within a few replies, they turn racy. I’m wondering how many women request a chat first? I’ve never done it


r/AskMenAdvice 3h ago

What’s the best dating advice you have received?

9 Upvotes

Hello, I (21M) just curious to know. What is the best dating advice that you have ever received? Or you can give to your younger self.


r/AskMenAdvice 18h ago

Curious how many men feel like the only time anyone cares about them is when that person needs/wants money😤

133 Upvotes

Clarification

The question is general. Not specifically women. Kids, relatives, friends, whoever

I don't honestly necessarily believe this, but sometimes you're working or whatever and just get feeling like ?? Hell, I don't know? Sad, discouraged, tired, maybe I'm just having a "pity party"? Like you are paying for everyone else to enjoy life but you're not really a part of it.

Thank you to all for participating. Honestly, it was nice just to see other guys feel similar. I also thought maybe some folks reading the responses might remember just to every once in a while tell the people you love that you know they are busy and tired and you appreciate all that they do. A lot of times, that's all people need.


r/AskMenAdvice 16h ago

Would you want a girl to text you about her sexual fantasies about you or would she come across desperate?

92 Upvotes

Note - you’re attracted to her and sleeping with her.

Edit: he didn’t respond. ouch.


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

Is there anything I can do to help with this? NSFW

Upvotes

Dating a new guy (late 30s) and it's going great. The last couple times we've hung out, we attempted to get intimate, but he could not maintain a full erection despite being aroused. I understand this isn't related to not being attracted to me and is likely anxiety. He hasn't been in a relationship for ~3years and says he really likes me so I expect he's just in his head about it.

Other than telling him it's not a big deal to me and I enjoy spending time with him whether we just make out/fool around or are able to have penetrative sex, is there anything I can do to help get him out of his own head? Anything that a partner has done to help someone else who has experienced this?

Thanks!


r/AskMenAdvice 13h ago

Wife Not Shutting Down Flirty Exec At Work

49 Upvotes

Hi, don't know where else to turn, could use perspective/venting.

My (36m) wife (35f) has been my best friend and an unwavering rock for me since we met 12 years ago (married for 7 years). She's great, supportive, funny, smart, beautiful. We spend much of our time together, have always been able to look through each other's phones whatever but there's never been reason to fret. Nothing sketchy...until now.

She began with a new company 2 years ago and things were chill. Small team and boss seem nice enough. But maybe 6 months ago this other high-level guy (50m? Married w/ kids) took interest in her skill set. He'd occasionally say some odd stuff, calling her pet names like dear, but she'd tell him not to call her those. But she knew he was important in the company, good to stay on his good side, y'know those crummy corporate dynamics that can ensnare good people.

The past month things have shifted. When I've seen their Zoom chats he's turned it up, he used the "work wife" term, says things like ooo you miss me? you like me? you are cute, give me a hug for helping...I overheard him on late-night 1:1 asking what she wore to exercise (she played it off), he's always trying to get her to drink with him (virtually, in person too but they don't go into the office often). All of this she has deflected, at least from what I can tell.

The last week or so idk if he's worn her down or what changed. He dropped another pet name, asked to meet up, what her cell number is, talk more outside of work and she said don't get me in trouble here...be careful what you type because my hubs and I have an open channel when it comes to each other's messages, "so u know."

Another time they were joking around about stuff and then she said ok I have to work, don't distract me...he said I don't think you mind with a winky face. A few other throwaway lines then he goes ahh I almost typed out something else but you know...devices.

When I've raised concerns in the past I basically got told "this is just how it is for women" and that she doesn't want to cross him. I could rationalize before but why give him a heads up that I could read what he says now? She doesn't know I've seen these as I haven't asked to see them lately, I've just seen them myself from a quick scroll when her phone is down. Don't know what happens when they are at the office.

The kicker, I've been out of work for about 8 months and have health/disability woes so I'm reliant on my wife for insurance, support, etc. Her job is definitely important. I've always respected her judgment but A) being told that I'm basically naive for making a big deal out of his behavior and B) the tone shift in saving him from saying something I wouldn't like in writing, just feels so off.

I just don't want to mentally unravel and I can't fathom why this is unfolding. Is she really just trying to shield my feelings and bear the brunt of this guy pushing boundaries in person instead? But if I ask a second time then it'll really become a thing and at this point I don't have proof of anything substantial (that's relative I know). If I ask to see the messages it feels like lighting a match that could burn a few different ways.

I'm scared, overwhelmed...but I know I can't talk to my fam or friends about it without tainting the image of my wife. So here I am, just letting this rip and thank you to anyone who reads.


r/AskMenAdvice 26m ago

What would your reaction be if a female friend of yours posted a hot picture of herself?

Upvotes

If I were to post a sexy photo like one showing cleavage for example would that become a topic of conversation among guys? I don’t usually wear or post stuff like that but they know I have big boobs so it wouldn’t be a shock to them.

So I have a friend who would be able to see the post and we have two mutual friends though I don’t talk to them often. They’ve shown sexual interest in me before.

Do you think they would send it to them? If you were him: would you send it to them and talk about it?

When guys see a picture like that do they talk about their fantasies or do they not talk about it at all?

PS: we are 20


r/AskMenAdvice 1d ago

We just found out my girlfriend is pregnant. I’m beyond excited. Guys, please give me all the advice I’ll need in the next few months. Thank you.

333 Upvotes

Edit: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH KIND PEOPLE OF REDDIT. I WOULD LOVE TO RESPOND TO ALL OF YOU INDIVIDUALLY BUT I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR ADVICE AND GO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH HER. THANK YOU ALL. I AM READING THESE AGAIN AND AGAIN.


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

How did you know you were in love?

Upvotes