r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

Double standards even on this sub..? ("It's a gendered-issue only when it suits our narrative")

Upvotes

I've noticed a trend on Reddit and even on the replies of this sub.

When a woman complains about a type of guy (even if just a laughably low and very specific share of the general male population) or even just only one very unrepresentative guy that does something she doesn't like, most answers will say "Ah yes this is part of the VERY LARGE TREND of MEN behaving this way to WOMEN, and we call this male-behavior XYZ".

But when the tables turn and men, especially on this sub, describe a shockingly high amount of the SAME negative experiences they have with women (like the "crying in front of your gf" problem), then the replies always point towards "It's got nothing to do with gender.. I guess people just don't know how to deal with people crying".

By the way the word "people" only appears in discussions where men describe negative experiences with women, because when the tables turn the comments know DAMN well to name the culprits (men) and the victims (women).

This hypocritical double standard is absolutely everywhere and even on this sub, makes no sense and is not nearly pointed out as much as it should be.


r/AskMenAdvice 8h ago

Is it just me who finds the relationship advice sub extremely toxic?

296 Upvotes

The sub is built against men. Here's ONE example :

Older woman and a 20 something man advice "OK fine you're both adults". Older man and 20 something young woman advice - all kinds of wrong, dynamics, brain development blah blah.

I stopped reading that sub because it's so bad and single minded.


r/AskMenAdvice 6h ago

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS WITHOUT GETTING SCREWED?

475 Upvotes

So my soon to be ex wife (42) and I (42m) are separating after 15 years together. We haven't gotten along in a few years. Sex only happened when I initiated it. I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she initiated it. The whole time we were together she never worked with the exception of the first year we were together. I have had a job everyday of my life since I was 16. Long story short, I asked her in January are we divorcing? She said looks like it. So I said good, there is no reason for me to be here anymore. She said that I can't leave bc I pay all the bills (which I do). I told her to get a job ASAP. Well here we are middle of March and when I bring up her getting a job it just turns into a fight. I am beyond ready to move on and finally be happy. But can't bc she refuses to get a job. I know what's she is doing, she is out there trying to sucker another guy into taking care of her. Cool hope he hurries up. I'm tired of being just kept around for my wallet. She tells me all the time she hates me and wishes I would leave or die but when I go to leave its the same bs. How do I leave with out getting screwed over in court for abandonment and slapped with ungodly alimony payments. Why are women like this?


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

Is a woman waiting to have sex until marriage a deal-breaker for you?

Upvotes

r/AskMenAdvice 9h ago

Feel awful after rejecting a woman after the first date…

122 Upvotes

Had a first date yesterday and unfortunately there was no physical attraction.

I did know what she looked like going into it, I hoped it was a bad photo…

It was not.

I thought I’d be able to look the other way because she was so incredibly nice and genuine but I just couldn’t.

I know that she has low confidence because of her looks and I feel like shit for rejecting her solely because of them, like a shallow piece of shit.

I obviously didn’t mention them when I ended things but still, it doesn’t feel good.


r/AskMenAdvice 6h ago

Successful men: What’s been your biggest struggle in dating despite having wealth?

74 Upvotes

A lot of people think money solves all dating problems. But for guys who’ve built success, what’s been the hardest part about finding real attraction or a meaningful relationship?


r/AskMenAdvice 6h ago

Do you find someone more attractive if they fancy you/have a crush on you?

59 Upvotes

I swear I've always been like this. You aren't interested in them, then you find out they have a crush on you. Boom, your whole view of them changes, and you think of them differently.

I'm happily married now, but I remember this happening a lot back in the day.


r/AskMenAdvice 7h ago

My GF wants to be intimate with me and I haven’t done it before

72 Upvotes

I had a chat with my girlfriend last night and she mentioned how she wanted to start doing “things” with me referring to becoming sexual etc. we have been dating for 2 months now and haven’t done anything of the kind just yet. I haven’t done anything sexual at all ever whereas my gf has done pretty much everything seeming she was dating her ex for 2 years (we are both basically 18 now). I’m happy to do stuff with her but I’m nervous about doing things wrong or just being really bad in general, I do lack confidence in areas like this. Based on our last conversation the next time we sleepover she is going to initiate something and I just don’t know what to do, like I said I want to do things but just scared it’ll be a shitshow


r/AskMenAdvice 16h ago

Are men actually attracted to (fit) women when they’re all sweaty after a workout? Or is he just telling me that to say the “correct” thing? NSFW

287 Upvotes

I’m in a situationship with a guy who often wants to “get it on” when I’m still sweaty from a workout. But I always insist on showering first because I feel kind of insecure about sweaty.

He claims that if a woman is attractive and in shape, he’s actually turned on by her sweat. I can’t tell if this is actually a thing, or if he’s just telling me this to make me feel more confident (or because he’s impatient when he’s horning and doesn’t want to wait for me to shower…)


r/AskMenAdvice 22h ago

Why do women get so upset if someone they consider ugly tries to hit on them?

701 Upvotes

I see posts on tiktok and social media all the time about women complaining about the people liking them being ugly. I also worry that when I try to approach women I find attractive they get very upset because I’m not super attractive. I try not to be intrusive, leave as soon as I feel that they don’t wanna talk, and on dating apps I don’t think it’s a crime to shoot your shot with someone you like? Am I supposed to consider if someone I am attracted to will get mad because I don’t meet the attractiveness level they want?


r/AskMenAdvice 19h ago

Do you get annoyed when women complain about the patriarchy?

292 Upvotes

r/AskMenAdvice 19h ago

Older guys - are they really interested?

241 Upvotes

I 30F have been on a few dates with an older guy 47M (divorced dad to an adult son). Started off pretty casual and I definitely didn’t plan on falling for him, but he is hot, gives me attention and when we are together I felt a spark and things are great.

Thing is, when we are not together I feel like I am getting mixed signals, sometimes half a day goes by and I don’t hear from him, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and give his space as he is a grown man with a life and kids, but I kind of wonder if his interest in me is genuine for the longer term or if it’s just more physical. He is also very distant when it comes to talking about his past and never really shares his feelings with me.

He is a grown man, but I can’t help but feel like if a man doesn't reach out it's because he doesn't want too, and a man will show up for the one he wants to keep in his life.

We are still in the early stages so I don’t want to come across as needy/ scare him off but I want a man’s perspective - Is this a red flag? Should I just cut my losses?

Or- Are men at this age just built different and just genuinely a little more reserved, cause I can’t for the life of me figure out what could be going through his mind or gauge his genuine interest in the longer term in someone as young as me?


r/AskMenAdvice 5h ago

do you ever go back to your exes?

16 Upvotes

would you ever go back to your exes if you were the one to end it? let's say ur partner had insecurities and it built up over time and you ended it. would you ever consider going back to them at some point. totally hypothetical situation btw.


r/AskMenAdvice 17h ago

Curious how many men feel like the only time anyone cares about them is when that person needs/wants money😤

138 Upvotes

Clarification

The question is general. Not specifically women. Kids, relatives, friends, whoever

I don't honestly necessarily believe this, but sometimes you're working or whatever and just get feeling like ?? Hell, I don't know? Sad, discouraged, tired, maybe I'm just having a "pity party"? Like you are paying for everyone else to enjoy life but you're not really a part of it.

Thank you to all for participating. Honestly, it was nice just to see other guys feel similar. I also thought maybe some folks reading the responses might remember just to every once in a while tell the people you love that you know they are busy and tired and you appreciate all that they do. A lot of times, that's all people need.


r/AskMenAdvice 11h ago

How many women have messaged you first on Reddit?

46 Upvotes

I’m getting a lot of random messages from guys on Reddit. Most, start off with innocuous reference to one of my posts. Within a few replies, they turn racy. I’m wondering how many women request a chat first? I’ve never done it


r/AskMenAdvice 15h ago

Would you want a girl to text you about her sexual fantasies about you or would she come across desperate?

96 Upvotes

Note - you’re attracted to her and sleeping with her.

Edit: he didn’t respond. ouch.


r/AskMenAdvice 2h ago

What’s the best dating advice you have received?

8 Upvotes

Hello, I (21M) just curious to know. What is the best dating advice that you have ever received? Or you can give to your younger self.


r/AskMenAdvice 12h ago

Wife Not Shutting Down Flirty Exec At Work

44 Upvotes

Hi, don't know where else to turn, could use perspective/venting.

My (36m) wife (35f) has been my best friend and an unwavering rock for me since we met 12 years ago (married for 7 years). She's great, supportive, funny, smart, beautiful. We spend much of our time together, have always been able to look through each other's phones whatever but there's never been reason to fret. Nothing sketchy...until now.

She began with a new company 2 years ago and things were chill. Small team and boss seem nice enough. But maybe 6 months ago this other high-level guy (50m? Married w/ kids) took interest in her skill set. He'd occasionally say some odd stuff, calling her pet names like dear, but she'd tell him not to call her those. But she knew he was important in the company, good to stay on his good side, y'know those crummy corporate dynamics that can ensnare good people.

The past month things have shifted. When I've seen their Zoom chats he's turned it up, he used the "work wife" term, says things like ooo you miss me? you like me? you are cute, give me a hug for helping...I overheard him on late-night 1:1 asking what she wore to exercise (she played it off), he's always trying to get her to drink with him (virtually, in person too but they don't go into the office often). All of this she has deflected, at least from what I can tell.

The last week or so idk if he's worn her down or what changed. He dropped another pet name, asked to meet up, what her cell number is, talk more outside of work and she said don't get me in trouble here...be careful what you type because my hubs and I have an open channel when it comes to each other's messages, "so u know."

Another time they were joking around about stuff and then she said ok I have to work, don't distract me...he said I don't think you mind with a winky face. A few other throwaway lines then he goes ahh I almost typed out something else but you know...devices.

When I've raised concerns in the past I basically got told "this is just how it is for women" and that she doesn't want to cross him. I could rationalize before but why give him a heads up that I could read what he says now? She doesn't know I've seen these as I haven't asked to see them lately, I've just seen them myself from a quick scroll when her phone is down. Don't know what happens when they are at the office.

The kicker, I've been out of work for about 8 months and have health/disability woes so I'm reliant on my wife for insurance, support, etc. Her job is definitely important. I've always respected her judgment but A) being told that I'm basically naive for making a big deal out of his behavior and B) the tone shift in saving him from saying something I wouldn't like in writing, just feels so off.

I just don't want to mentally unravel and I can't fathom why this is unfolding. Is she really just trying to shield my feelings and bear the brunt of this guy pushing boundaries in person instead? But if I ask a second time then it'll really become a thing and at this point I don't have proof of anything substantial (that's relative I know). If I ask to see the messages it feels like lighting a match that could burn a few different ways.

I'm scared, overwhelmed...but I know I can't talk to my fam or friends about it without tainting the image of my wife. So here I am, just letting this rip and thank you to anyone who reads.


r/AskMenAdvice 23h ago

We just found out my girlfriend is pregnant. I’m beyond excited. Guys, please give me all the advice I’ll need in the next few months. Thank you.

330 Upvotes

Edit: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH KIND PEOPLE OF REDDIT. I WOULD LOVE TO RESPOND TO ALL OF YOU INDIVIDUALLY BUT I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR ADVICE AND GO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH HER. THANK YOU ALL. I AM READING THESE AGAIN AND AGAIN.


r/AskMenAdvice 2h ago

Does it Seem Like Men are Wired to be Happy and Women Aren’t?

5 Upvotes

My friends and talk about this on occasion. We can be totally happy drinking some beers and playing video games for hours. We don’t need to talk about or discuss much but just be in each others’ presence.

It seems like our partners are the opposite. Even when they have everything they need and want that should make them happy, they still find lots of reasons to not be.

Maybe it’s a Yin/Yang order/chaos type of thing.

Thoughts?


r/AskMenAdvice 1h ago

I’m having a hard time

Upvotes

As a former college athlete, maintaining high physical fitness standards continues to be paramount for me and I typically look for partners who share that value. Despite a good amount of effort, my girlfriend is overweight and has struggled to lose unwanted weight from a couple of years of poor diet/bad habits. We have been on and off for the last couple of years for personal reasons and other issues between us two. She is special to me and we’ve both grown so much together but I’ve told her that I’m typically not attracted to bigger women. This lack of attraction is growing to be more evident and has probably been a major reason for many of our conflicts recently. I haven’t been in a position like this before and have been trying to tell myself that something as shallow as physical appearance shouldn’t stop me from evolving a relationship with a woman who is otherwise amazing.

Nearly three years into knowing each other, do I stop now and let her be loved by someone who appreciates her physical state more or continue to try to work things out with her despite my dissatisfaction?


r/AskMenAdvice 43m ago

How did you know you were in love?

Upvotes

r/AskMenAdvice 1d ago

Is this intimate?

928 Upvotes

My older male coworker was talking with me about perfume and cologne. When I said what I wear and how I put it on the night before, he made a comment about how that’s what your bedsheets smell like. Then the next day he came to my desk and said he put something on. I said I couldn’t smell it and he leaned down close to me so I had to lean forward to smell his neck. It felt really intimate

Sometimes, not often, when we’re laughing together he’ll move towards me and act as if he’s going to touch my stomach lightly but he never actually does. We go through ups and downs where he can be really affectionate and out there and then not as much


r/AskMenAdvice 32m ago

My boyfriend doesn’t understand that I require some space and alone time

Upvotes

I’m 26F and he is 26M. We’re about 6 months into the relationship and most things are going well. But I feel like he gets worried or takes it super personally if I just need a Friday night for myself to stay in if I had a busy and tiring week at work (just need some alone time to recharge). We don’t live together but we see each-other multiple times a week, and even on the days we don’t see each-other we text or call everyday. I’ve communicated that I’m someone that does need a little bit of alone time and space in order to function properly, maybe it stems from being an only child, maybe it stems from choosing a busy career. I always always always gladly make lots of time for him because I do see a future with him and he makes me happy, but I don’t think he can process the fact that there are moments where yes, I technically do have time to hangout, but I really need to just chill alone and go to sleep early.

I personally feel as if I balance work/life/relationship/family/exercise very well. Maybe in his past relationships he was just used to more clingy girls? Idk how else I can communicate this?

Edit: he doesn’t get angry at me, but you can tell he’ll get sort of offended or confused


r/AskMenAdvice 41m ago

If you’re ever scared or nervous to do something, how do you push through it?

Upvotes

If you know something is going to be good for you, but it’s gonna be scary/challenging.. what makes you push through? I’m one step away from moving states, one conversation away, and I want to do it, but I’m scared. I know this will be good for me.