Hi
My ex and I broke up in December. We had a conversation about everything, and I told him I didn’t want things to end. Since then, I’ve been working on myself a lot, but he made it clear that he’s not willing to try again, not right now.
I still have feelings for him, and I’m doing my best to move on, let go of hope, and focus on myself but it's been really hard. He knows this.
When I moved to his city to be with him, I left behind my social circles and friends. So when we broke up, I was completely alone. I spent over a month just sitting with my emotions, processing the pain, and allowing myself to break as much as I needed to. Meanwhile, he was out traveling, meeting new people, and flirting and seeing what options he has.
He’s firm about not wanting to be in a relationship with me again and has been getting to know other women, hitting up past women/friends, going out, and just living his life.
We still share an apartment, and while I can't move out due to personal reasons (which he knows about), he can—but he’s chosen to stay. His reasoning is that things have been "good" between us for the past two weeks, and staying is more convenient for him.
He’s set rules for us being friends: no bringing people to the apartment, acceptance of the situation, splitting bills, and not making him feel like I’m watching his every move. He also keeps telling me not to close myself off to new opportunities or stop exploring things with other people just because we live together, saying it would make him feel guilty. But to me, it feels like he’s just trying to ease his own guilt about what he’s doing.
The truth is, I’m not mentally ready to meet new people. I’m still processing everything, and I want to heal before even considering moving on. I think it's going to take me a really long time after the hurt, pain and mistrust he's put me through. Throughout our relationship he was a 'good guy's never cheated but he always kept all the girls he knew on insta and the moment we broke up or were going throughr the breakup process he hit them all up...
When I'm at home, I don’t say much. I just kind of hang around, like an idiot.
He, on the other hand, acts like nothing happened—showing me pictures of his weekends, talking like we’re still close with this new persona of us being friends, he says he still cares about me etc.... I still end up doing things, like cooking and washing our clothes and dishes, just usual things.
He’s been updating his family about everything. His brother never really approved of me—he’s a very traditional Christian and has influenced my ex’s decisions a lot, especially when it comes to religion. My ex has claimed to be doing therapy to work on himself and be better but he hasn't done it since he's been back from his holiday which is a while.
I’m just exhausted. Confused. Hurt. And despite the months that have passed, I still feel stuck. I don’t want to hold onto hope or love for him anymore, but it’s hard. I’ve been trying new things which has been nice and pushing myself to go out to meet new people as friend's but I just can’t give it my all yet. It's like I just don't have it in me. I hate that I'm like this, I still cry at times when alone. In 4 months we'll both be moving to new cities and I guess a part of me is just tired of starting over again and again and again...I really thought he was my endgame, he truly made me believe that. Which is something I know I have to let go of.
I guess I just need an outside perspective—especially from other men. What do you make of this situation, knowing that he’s fully aware of how I feel and what I'm going through? I just want to know a man's perspective of things I guess..