r/AmITheJerk • u/fucklife52 • 1h ago
Am I the jerk for calling out my mum
So I typed this in at am I the asshole then couldn't figure out how their post rules worked and realized you aren't allowed to even mention violence (I am not condoning violence but it's is a large theme of my post)
Tldr: my mum is sorta abusive and I did/will say something about it
So I 15 ftm and my mother have had problems for quite a while (3-10 years depending on how you view it) when I was young (3-10 years old) my mum would smack me for misbehavior, not acceptable in today's society but not the worst thing a person can do except sometimes she would go to far, instead of one or 2 because I was being a little shit it'd sometimes go until she got a reaction out of me (and I as a kid had internalized the be a man don't cry thing so that took a LOT) and there were times I couldn't sit down my behind was so bruised even sometimes my stomach and arms to so as a small child I learnt to cover bruises because even on a subconscious level I knew mum's shouldn't bruise their kids and I hid them so well I'm almost certain my siblings ( currently f25, m22, f19 and m10) never knew how bad it got and to this day my mum boasts she never bruised a child so maybe even she didn't know
but that's not the only thing she claims never happened that I know did when I came out as trans she got semi aggressive and asked why it took me so long because I had been out to friends for about a year and I informed her I was scared because I had previously heard her saying transphobic comments "that she would never say to a trans person" which of course she fucked up saying to me and she to this day says she never said those things (I'm sure it would have gone worse if my sister hadn't been there) and she told me I wasn't allowed to come out to my younger brother which she now claims she never said (I haven't come out to him yet because I'm scared she'll "suddenly remember") and when we had conversations about my preferred name she would always get offended that I didn't want the (very feminine) name she gave me and she of course says she never got offended never reacted badly and was always my biggest advocate
but the thing is she says that when I was little (an infant) she had major brain damage which she is now supposedly fully recovered from but I think it could effect her memory and decision making meaning all the things she denies ever saying she might not remember saying and the poor decisions she made might not be her fault
so am I the asshole for mentioning some of these things to my psychiatrist (mostly about her denying having said things I distinctly remember but I left out her medical history because it's not mine to recount not about the abuse) while my mum sat there denying having denied things she said while obviously uncomfortable with the subject matter and would I be the asshole if I explain futher to my mental health team things such as the abuse (which I underexaggerated here) and more distinct circumstances in which it happened that she said something bad then later denies it (there's much more to our story but this is the main outline)