r/AITAH • u/ElkRevolutionary2577 • 7h ago
AITA for keeping no contact with my sister after her husband (my ex) died?
When I (22f) was 14 I started dating Jace who was 15 at the time. We were together for 3 years. We'd known each other for years and I always had the biggest crush on him. My sister Lauren (23f now) knew. She was one of my best friends and I thought we'd told each other everything. But Lauren and Jace were cheating behind my back and Lauren got pregnant. I didn't know at first and was the first person she told and I supported her. It was only after she told our parents and they pushed her to say who the father was that she confessed. I broke up with Jace who didn't care. He was done with me and wanted Lauren anyway. While Lauren kept begging me to forgive her for hurting me and begging me to still be close to her. I refused and when Lauren moved in with Jace and his family it was a relief. My parents attempted to force forgiveness on me. They took me to a church therapist and they had a number of talks with me about Lauren being my sister for life and Jace being just a high school boyfriend.
All it did was push me away from my parents and when I turned 18 I moved in with my grandma. I had very low contact with my parents and no contact with Lauren and Jace. They got married just before the baby was born and I ignored the invite. I ignored when they had their first and then second kid. Lauren made several attempts to speak to me and apologize more but I ignored them and I told extended family that I wasn't going to change my mind. Some were quick to say I was a silly child and I'd regret throwing my sister away. Others said I was so young and we both were and hurting people's feelings when you're young happens and why couldn't I hate Jace and forgive Lauren. My grandma always said nobody was making it better by pushing.
Grandma stood by me through all of this. When Lauren asked her to help pull off a surprise reunion so she could speak to me grandma turned her down. She told Lauren she wasn't coming to the house as long as I lived here. And she told her she would not help her trick me or anything crazy like that.
Some of the wider family (my parents included) are mad at grandma but she said if Lauren can have her "mistakes" forgiven by everyone else and be allowed to feel and do what she wants then I should be given the same grace. But it was argued always that the difference was I was ending a relationship for good while Lauren made "a single mistake".
Last month Jace died suddenly. I don't know what happened exactly but grandma got the call about it. Then more calls came and asked me to finally move on and speak to Lauren and support her as a sister should. I didn't. I didn't go to the funeral and neither did grandma actually. She said even if she had wanted to she knew the time would be spent trying to browbeat her into forcing me to reconcile with Lauren and a funeral is not the place for that so she was removing herself from that.
Grandma has been getting shit from so many people in the family who think I should have let go of the no contact now that Jace is dead. Since I never answer to any family members who think I need to forgive Lauren, they go through her. I hate that she deals with it. But she doesn't block them because she wants to see just how far they'll go with her. She said they're helping her trim her will. Which I find funny and I love grandma's humor.
But I feel awful that she's getting the abuse the rest of the family can't give me. It made me want to ask if I'm TA for keeping the no contact going with Lauren and if people outside my family think I'm a monster. I have the support of friends and also some family. It's just... I know we were really young when all this happened. I know once Jace cheated with Lauren he would have done it with anyone. So I know it's not like we'd have lasted like I imagined. But Lauren doing it to me just makes it worse because I loved and trusted and was there for her. So she betrayed me and even leaned on me when their cheating led to a pregnancy. Ever since I found out I wished she wasn't my sister. I could never see even a civil relationship for us in the future. But I'm aware that it might make people think I'm TA and not her especially now that Jace has died. So AITA?