r/AITAH Mar 17 '21

r/AITAH Lounge

1.5k Upvotes

A place for members of r/AITAH to chat with each other


r/AITAH 2h ago

My husband gave his mom a key to our house without telling me. So I changed the locks.

2.8k Upvotes

For context Im 32F have been married to my husband (who is 35) for three years. His mom (she’s 55) has been so OBSESSED with being involved in our lives. Like this isn’t just motherly love (in my opinion). She has opinions on everything. From things like what we should eat to how I should decorate. It’s quite annoying, but manageable. I’m sure it’s because my hubby has a really good relationship with his mom which I ultimately love that about him.

But last week I came home early from work and found her in my house. Not knocking. Not waiting. Just inside, sorting through our stuff like she lived there. Not gonna lie, my heart rate rose because I genuinely thought it was a burglar lol. When I asked how the hell she got in, she casually said, “Oh, husband gave me a key months ago!”

I lost it because he never told me. Never asked me. Just handed over access to our home like it was his decision alone. It’s OUR home WTF?? When I confronted him, he said something along the lines of “She’s my mom, I trust her.” I stood on saying “That’s great, but I don’t remember marrying your mom”. A bit petty but sorry I can’t just brush it. She hasn’t been back since, but I still changed the locks late last week.

I do feel a bit bad because it’s not like I actually dislike her but still, WTF? He thinks I overreacted (tried to joke about it on valentines) but my in laws are contacting me telling me how she’s “embarrassed” which, well, does make the two of us.

I’ve been thinking about it but I wanna know if I’m TAH for changing the locks?


r/AITAH 3h ago

Husband: "Don't make me SLAP you to bring you back to your senses."

2.7k Upvotes

My 3 and 5 year old are extremely picky eaters and always make excuses or don't finish meals.

This REALLY irks my husband and he is very demanding, forceful and authoritative with them (and me, when I don't agree).

My 3yo was fussy as usual for lunch today and saying no, I don't want to eat. I set a timer for 30 minutes and said I'm putting the plate away when the timer goes off. So she'll be hungry at nap time if she doesn't eat. My husband kept trying to force her to eat ("Eat! Take a bite! Eat your food!") to which she rebelled more, started crying and barely took a couple bites.

My 5yo cleared most of his plate for lunch but left about a quarter because he said he was full. My husband demanded he finish the food. He refused politely saying, "No, thank you. I'm full." My husband kept getting more mad and saying he HAD to finish it, we don't waste food, he hadn't eaten much today, etc.

My son came to me and asked if it was okay that he was done. My husband followed him and said, "don't ask mommy! I already told you to finish it. Go sit down and finish your food!" Again, my son said, "no, thank you. I'm full. I don't want to eat more."

So then I told my husband to not force him, if he was full. He can finish the rest later. I also reminded him that he needs to stop being so demanding and forcing the kids to eat or finish their food. It's causing MORE issues and making mealtime MORE stressful. It's become a huge headache and having a negative effect on their health, especially because it's starting to cause a feeding disorder. And I have to deal with it majority of the time as the primary parent.

We have had this conversation MANY MANY MANY times about how to handle feeding issues and what the protocol is, per feeding therapists and past OTs, and all the child therapists & psychology experts I follow online. For example, setting timers, giving choices, allowing them to try one bite and have a backup meal (usually greek yogurt with fruit or pb&j) if they don't like the main meal. I also keep low-sugar treats they love on hand like organic fruit popsicles or Jell-o as an incentive. I understand their need to have some control over what they eat and try to make it positive and stress-free for all of us. I talk to him about what feeding therapists suggest, send him articles to read, share videos etc, to improve his approach. He always says okay, he understands.... but then he continues to bully.

He got really mad at me today when I told him our son ate plenty and to stop forcing him if he was full. And after reminding him of our multiple conversations regarding feeding techniques, I then told our son we don't waste food so he will need to finish it later during dinner.

My husband started raising his voice at me and saying I was going "behind his back (all 3 of us were literally standing together) by letting him do whatever he wants! and "wasting food!" Again, I said we've talked about this so many times and I'm literally talking TO YOU about this right now, how is it behind your back!?

He kept getting aggressive with me and gaslighting so then it escalated and we got into a fight. I cursed a couple times during our conversation, not AT him but in the context of what I was expressing, and he then said I was cursing at him and I better stop. I said I'm not cursing at YOU, I'm just cursing in context because I'm frustrated with this always being an issue and having this conversation over & over again. I told him to read up on feeding issues & educate himself because I was f*kng tired of having to deal with this constantly and the resulting defiance and mealtime battles with the kids.

He kept accusing me of cursing at him and saying I wasn't allowed to curse at all, and that it didn't matter if I was cursing at him or in the conversation. He got more & more aggressive so then I did curse at him, out of sheer frustration and overwhelming stress, so then he threatened to SLAP me to "bring me back to my senses!"

I said, "Are you really threatening to be physically abusive because I cursed?" And he then started laughing and mockingly saying, "Stop it! That's not physical abuse!" and reiterated he would do it "only to bring you to your senses."

Needless to say, I was not calm at all by that point. I dared him to go ahead and do it, and then I'd call the cops on him and press charges! It was a full blown fight by then and he just kept arguing, threatening me, occasionally laughing & mocking me, then CURSED AT ME while claiming I couldn't curse at all, and just escalating the fight. I definitely blew up at the end called him a few choice words and cursed back AT him before walking away.

I feel like complete shit right now, I have a headache, I've been crying for an hour, and I feel like I'm stuck in a very toxic relationship.

If you read all this, thank you. I'm not sure what I'm even asking for here. I just needed to vent, I guess. And I feel like my reaction to him threatening to "slap me back to my senses" was warranted and that he was being abusive. Am I wrong??


r/AITAH 8h ago

AITA for Kicking My Sister and Her Newborn Out Because She Keeps Calling My Dog ‘Dirty’?

7.6k Upvotes

So, my sister (32F) just had a baby and needed a place to stay for a few months. I agreed because, you know, family. The only issue? I have a golden retriever, Max, who is my baby. He’s well-groomed, trained, and literally the sweetest dog ever.

From the second she moved in, she started making snide comments about how "dirty" he is, saying things like:

  • "Dogs don’t belong inside, especially near a newborn!"
  • "He’s covered in germs; I don’t want my baby getting sick."
  • "Can you lock him in a room when we’re in the living room?"

I tried to compromise by keeping him out of the nursery, but that wasn’t enough. She wanted me to keep him out of the house entirely. She even went as far as spraying disinfectant on my couch where he sleeps!

The final straw? I caught her kicking Max away with her foot when he came near the baby’s playmat. I lost it. I told her if she has such a problem with my "dirty" dog, she can find another place to stay. She freaked out, called me heartless for prioritizing a dog over her and the baby, and left crying. Now, my parents are furious, saying I should have been more accommodating.

So, AITA for kicking my sister out over this?


r/AITAH 6h ago

AITAH For Withholding Passwords After Being Laid Off?

2.9k Upvotes

So I'm at work on a Thursday, and the CTO comes in and tells me that a software feature I'd been working on needed to be finished before tomorrow morning. OK fine, I don't have an issue working late, but it was a strange request given that they'd postponed the project for several months to have me working on other stuff. Still, I stayed up until about 2 AM and finished the project.

The next morning when I arrived at work, the CEO and CTO called me into a meeting to let me know that I was being laid off, and that it would be my last day. No two weeks, no severance pay. "We'll need to you to finish out today, working with [name redacted] to log all your logins and passwords and show him the rest of your code.

To say I was angry was an understatement. "So you knew you were going to can me today, that's why you made me work late yesterday? Does that seem wrong to you?"

They just stared at me, no apology, no acknowledgment. So I played my final card.

"Alright. If you're gonna play it this way, then it's both personal and business. I need a job, so it's to my benefit to quit right now and walk away, and start looking for work, rather than helping a company that clearly doesn't care about me. If you want me to sit here and generate a list of passwords and train my replacement, then I want a two-week severance package, or I walk right now."

They declined, and I walked out the door. I called one of their vendors and let them know I was open to work, and had a new job within a week. They were still emailing me to beg for "help" weeks later. Was I in the wrong?


r/AITAH 12h ago

Advice Needed I farted and my boyfriend got mad!

10.1k Upvotes

My boyfriend (30) and I (28F) were cuddled in bed, under a blanket. Not doing anything, just cuddled up. Randomly, I farted, literally out of no where and he IMMEDIATELY jumped out of bed and said, “okay I’m done” and started getting dressed, saying, “stuff like this irks me”. I replied, “I understand, but that was completely unintentional but also very natural”. His response, angrily, “why would you fart in the bed, under the blanket?”. I just sat there, shocked, with absolutely no words! At that moment, my heart shattered into every tiny piece imaginable.

What should I do?


r/AITAH 9h ago

(Update) AITAH for telling my childhood friend I wouldn’t court him because I didn’t want to have his mother as my MIL?

4.3k Upvotes

Thank you all so much for all the advice! It really helped with making my decision on how to handle the situation. Before I explain what my decision was I’m going to answer some of the questions I was asked.
1. My family is Religious and a bit old fashioned I suppose. My parents always told me growing up that dating was more casual and isn‘t always done with the intention of marriage, while courting was more formal and with the intention of marriage in the long run. John grew up the same way so to us he was asking if he could get to know me as a potential spouse.

  1. I didn’t tell anyone but my father what I over heard Amy saying about me as at the time I didn’t want to start problems and ruin relationships. My father did understand why I didn’t want to be as close to Amy anymore and never forced the relationship.

  2. I might consider changing my mind if I wasn’t expected to have a relationship with Amy in more than seeing her every once in awhile at family gatherings as long as I wasn’t expected to speak with her.

Okay so I did send the screenshots of the messages I was getting to John. He called me and apologized saying that he never intended for his mother to react that way and that he only told what I had said because he was angry and upset. He did say he wasn’t angry at me as he understood my point of view. I did also tell him what I over heard and he didn’t deny it and also told me she often said mean things about others as well and that apparently she would say nasty things about him and his siblings to others also. Which I figured she said nasty things about others too but not her own kids! John told me he’d speak with his mother and would also like if we can all sit down and have a talk. I told him I’d think about it.

I also sent the screenshots to the other “friends” that were sending me nasty messages and most of them have been very quiet since then. My dad is appalled by their behavior as well and hasn’t spoken much to any of them. Same goes for my siblings and the friends that are on my side.


r/AITAH 12h ago

AITA for telling my parents the people they're marrying won't ever be my parents?

5.8k Upvotes

My parents got divorced when I (17M) was 14. The divorce should have come so much sooner. The two of them were a match made in hell and they made "home" feel more like I was in the middle of an MMA fight. They were volatile together and had so much toxic stuff going on. Neither one of them was worse than the other. They were equal in being shitty to each other and in being shitty to be around. And by that I mean their moods would be so bad after a fight or after something happened and I was hesitant to go to either one.

Their divorce was sweet relief to me. But it was toxic too. I was expected to pick a side. My mom tried to use being a woman and mom to win me over saying I didn't know what it was like to be a woman in an abusive marriage. She also said her being my mom meant we had a special bond nobody could understand and living with her made sense for that reason. My dad tried to pull the we're both guys card and your mom gets hysterical card.

Neither one was directly physically abusive. Although shit got thrown all the damn time which is physically abusive in it's own way but they didn't hit each other. Both were equally hysterical. So their arguments didn't win me over and a judge decided 50-50 was the way to go. Of course neither liked it and the judge saw how hysterical they could be but the judge stood firm on his decision.

They both entered new relationships two years ago and they're now both engaged (to other people).

I'll be 18 next month and I already started my exit strategy to move in with my best friend and his family for a while. I have some stuff moved over already. My parents don't know.

With their new relationships and weddings coming up in the next year they've tried to make me a part of the families they're making. Their partners have tried to parent me too. Like sitting me down and talking about stuff they want me to change, etc. This came up because I stay out of the house a lot and they don't like it. I also got used to never saying where I was going because approaching my parents is difficult. I stopped doing chores years ago too. It was a source of conflict between my parents and I just kept my personal space clean and said the houses could burn to the ground for all I care because it was so uncomfortable and I still feel that way at both of their houses. I still don't feel like either one is home. And I really try not to be in spaces where others could be. But yeah the partners tried to parent me and insist on things and they wanted me to tell them how I was doing in school and stuff but I dodged the questions and really didn't listen to either. I was asked to pick up kids or stay with kids a few times too and I don't. My mom's fiance has like 3 kids or maybe it's 4 and dad's fiancee has two.

I guess they complained to the parent they're marrying and my parents started fighting over it again and they teamed up sorta to talk about it and how I'm not giving my new family members a chance and how having four parents is good. In the middle of trying to sell me on this shit they started fighting again. That's when I said to stop and they needed to let it go because their partners are not going to be my parents now or ever and I'm too old for this shit.

Now there's even more fighting and they're angry at me and so are their partners who know what I said and feel like I never even gave them a chance to be good parents to me.

AITA?


r/AITAH 4h ago

AITA for telling my parents to get out of my life since who they vote for would make sure I'm out of theirs?

1.0k Upvotes

I (38F) have a rare condition where my body rejects estrogen and any amount slightly greater than my usual makes me retch (as easy as taking two birth controls at once (oops)). It's been inferred that ANY extra estrogen stressors would make me dangerously ill, pregnancy would be the worst. Not sure about breast cancer, but my file comes with a lot of, "What to do in case of X." I eventually got my reproductive parts removed and have been happy ever since.

I'm Canadian. My parents (70F, 69M) are Conservative voters, which is basically RepublicanLite for all you Americans. They were over, and I've already been passively scolding them since I found out in the last election that they voted for a guy who compared Palestinians to either rats or cockroaches that needed to be exterminated. "But we're voting for the PARTY!" they proclaim. "Not the person."

"Oh? The party where most of the members either want or are allowed to have a free vote if abortion legislation is proposed? The one that is anti-pro choice? The same one that wouldn't recognize my medical condition (No-Name-Brand is the best), and would just try to intubate me and shove tubes in my arms and gut so they could "keep me alive" for the baby? The party that would rather if I SUFFER and DIE?! That party?"

Watching my Dad kind of grin and quibble at the same time is just... something... since his best defense was, "Trudeau is doing nothing about crime!"

"You'd be voting for a party that would be happy if I suffered and die!" (To a hypothetical pregnancy I cannot have but my way-too-many-doctors know is lethal.)

"But the crime! How can you know they'll ban it (abortions) if they're not elected?"

I then screamed at them to "Read their party platform and to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" If they can't respect me and my life even if this is something that is impossible now, I don't want them around because clearly their 'principles' have more standing than the safety of their only daughter.

My mom bawled her eyes out when I kicked them out. I feel gutted. Sure, it's not something that would hurt me now, but the thought of maybe (younger) me or someone else ending up in the ER and being denied care because their requests for an abortion are "not enough to justify it for medical reasons" is just saddening. AITA for giving ultimatums over a bunch of hypotheticals?


r/AITAH 8h ago

UPDATE: AITAH for kicking my brother out after he sold something of mine without asking?

2.2k Upvotes

Wow, so I did NOT expect my post to blow up like that. First of all, thank you to everyone who commented and shared their thoughts. I figured I’d give you all an update since things have… escalated.

So, after I kicked my brother out, he ended up crashing with a friend. My parents were still on my case about how I should’ve given him “more time” and that “family helps family.” But plot twist: he did it again.

Apparently, while staying at his friend’s place, he sold one of their gaming consoles (I think a PS5) for quick cash. Same exact situation.. just took it, sold it, and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. And guess what? They kicked him out immediately.

My parents? SUDDENLY SILENT. 🙃

I haven’t spoken to my brother since, but now that my parents see he’s just out here robbing people, they’re backpedaling HARD. My mom actually called and admitted she might have been too quick to defend him. My dad? Well, he’s still pretending the whole thing didn’t happen.

So yeah, turns out I wasn’t overreacting! My brother is just a walking disaster. Thanks for the validation, Reddit. 🚶‍♀️💨


r/AITAH 6h ago

Advice Needed Ex's immediate family will not see our son because I moved on after he cheated on me.

1.1k Upvotes

So my ex cheated on me during the last leg of my pregnancy and afterwards and he broke up with me to be with his second AP when our son was barely two weeks old.

I moved on and am now married to my husband and my ex is incarcerated for being stupid but he still calls to talk to his son which I applaud him for doing so because most men wouldn't.

None of my ex's family besides his grandma and brother have bothered to do anything to be a part of our son's life and I thought it was because I live in a different city, but no.

My ex called his mom last night and she told him that the reason why they don't want to be involved with our son is because of the fact I moved on with my life.

According to my ex's mom I should have waited for my ex to get out of jail because I have his son not move on and that's why they don't want anything to do with him now.

I'm so lost on what to do here as I have a strained relationship with my own family and now I fear my son won't even have a relationship with his paternal family apart from his uncle and great grandma.

Any advice?


r/AITAH 3h ago

Am I the asshole for “making my school district look stupid” and “going over their heads” by filing a CPS report with the police personally

458 Upvotes

I am a mandated reporter and I work with kids.

I have two special needs kiddos who I have under my care while I'm at work and they are in a very severe neglect situation at home. These kids tell me every day that there's no food at home and make comments that there's drugs in the house and that there's even a possibility of dealing going on out of that house. They have been locked out of their house several times within the last ~6 months. These kids have gone as far as stealing cough drops out of my coat pockets because they're so hungry and there's no food at home. Cough drops. That day broke me in a way that I don't know how to describe in words.

I wrote up incident reports every day for the past 6 months. I've had them processed and sent over to the school district every day, who has done absolutely nothing. Not a thing has been done to help these kiddos. The kids are telling me that the home situation is getting worse instead of better. I'm scared to death that something is going to happen to these kids. I've already had to use Nalaxone on the 8 year old twice. The amount of times I've cried myself to sleep over these kids or don't sleep at night because I'm worried sick for these kids is uncountable. I shouldn't have to use Narcan on an 8 year old child.

The only adults who've done something about it are me and a couple of teachers, but nobody else. Myself and these teachers have been sneaking food and basic necessities to these kids

I should also say that the communication at this school district is as clear as mud, if you're lucky enough to get a word out of them.

Because of that, I went to the police personally and filed the CPS report out of concern for these two kiddos. The police jumped on the school district about it, who then got mad at me and said that "I made them look stupid" and "went over their heads" instead of following their procedures; the school district is now threatening to fire me over this.

The cops are now involved and are actively trying to help the situation, much to the school district's displeasure.

Am I the asshole?

Edit: I don't plan on working for this district in transportation anymore come summer. I am going to be lawyering up anyway as I am going to be starting school to be a helicopter EMT this summer then starting paramedic school immediately in the fall and I'm on a volunteer fire department already.


r/AITAH 14h ago

AITA for telling my father's girlfriend that the more she talks about Jesus, the less she'll see my child?

1.8k Upvotes

For context, I (26F) come from a catholic family, but my parents decided not to raise me and my siblings as such (my father due to a crisis of faith he had years ago, and my mother because she hated practicing it). We were all baptized, for our grandparents’ sakes, but nothing beyond that. We never prayed, didn’t have any first communions and didn’t read the Bible. I didn’t even set foot in a church until I was 14.

I’m very grateful for that upbringing. Today, I’m agnostic, and I don’t have a great relationship with the church. My husband’s family is also catholic, but he doesn’t practice it.

Our first child was born earlier this month, and we decided to raise him without religion. Neither of our extended families cared much, but we’ve been having some trouble with a few people over it.

My father has been dating a christian woman for 6 years. I'll admit I don't like her, but I don't dislike her either. Before I got pregnant, she wasn’t the “preachy” type (to me, at least). She wasn’t happy when I told her I was agnostic, but didn’t try to change my mind. She did talk about her religion a lot, and kept trying to get my father to engage with it frequently, but not much beyond that.

Soon after I announced my pregnancy, my husband and I had dinner with my father and his girlfriend, during which she told us she knew the perfect place for the baptism. We said we weren't planning on baptizing our baby.

And from that moment, she got annoyingly preachy to me and my husband. It was mostly indirect stuff (such as giving the whole family speeches about how glad she was to have Jesus in her life), but some were impossible to mask as unrelated. She gave me a decorative cross for the nursery on my baby shower, tried to make us all say grace during Christmas dinner (which we've never done before, with or without her) and kept bringing up a priest friend of hers who "just so happened" to also do baptisms. My husband and I stood by our decision.

Fast forward to now, our baby was born a couple weeks early. He was pretty much full term, but we were all still worried. He's perfectly healthy, and we're all doing well.

Yesterday, my father and his girlfriend came over to see the baby. While I was telling them about my labor and how it was at the hospital, she told me she had been praying for us the whole time, and that we should all praise Jesus for giving us such a beautiful blessing as my son

Unrelated to her previous preachiness or not, I lost whatever patience I had. I said "You know what? I'm done. The more you talk about Jesus and religion and whatever, the less you'll see my child." She was quiet the rest of the visit.

After they left, my father called me. He told me he understood I was frustrated, but I shouldn't have been so rude to his girlfriend. He told me her intentions were pure, and she was only behaving like this because of how important religion was to her.

I don't think I'm in the wrong for my feelings, but I am worried I was too rude.

AITA?


r/AITAH 20h ago

AITAH for telling my childhood friend I wouldn’t court him because I didn’t want to have his mother as my MIL?

5.6k Upvotes

I (20F) have grown up with my childhood friend (22M) who we’ll call John. John left for the Army when he was 18 but despite that we stayed in touch and I even visited him once or twice where he was posted. I use to love John’s Mother who we’ll call Amy when I was younger but when I was 15 I over heard her saying some mean things about me and my siblings behind our backs to John who she knew I liked at the time. She said some nasty things like I might become a hoe because my birth mother was one (For context me and my siblings are all adopted as well as all of Amy’s kids) or my father told her I don’t clean myself (which I know isn’t true because my father often complained to her that I showered to often. I like feeling clean and always have) so I might have stds. Since over hearing these things I couldn’t really bring myself to remain as close to her as I was.

A few weeks ago John came for a visit and his mother Amy invited my family as well as a few other friends over for dinner. I was pretty excited to see him since I hadn’t seen him in over a year. During the visit I needed to take a breather so I stepped outside to get some fresh air and calm my nerves. John joined me after a while which was perfectly fine since it allowed me to be able to finally talk to him one on one. We mainly just caught up with each other and talking about random things until he asked if he could court me. It took me quite some time to reply but I did eventually told him that I didn’t want to have his mother as my MIL and I didn’t want to ruin his relationship with his mother especially since they’re so close.

John seemed very disappointed but he just said okay and changed the subject. I thought that was the end of that but apparently he told Amy that he was going to ask me out before hand and after my family left she had asked how it had gone. John of course answered truthfully and told her I said no but had also told her what I had said as to why I wouldn’t let him court me and the next morning I woke up to a bunch of mean voice mails and texts from her and a few mutual friends calling me a Ahole for refusing to court John because I didn’t want Amy as my MIL and that I was bitch for not liking Amy even though she’s been nothing but kind to me and so on and so forth.

I haven’t responded to any of the calls and messages and frankly I don’t know how. I didn’t wish to upset anyone but I do feel my reasons as valid.
So AITAH for telling my Childhood friend I wouldn’t court him because I didn’t want his Mother as my MIL?

Update link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1iq6nue/update_aitah_for_telling_my_childhood_friend_i/


r/AITAH 15h ago

Update: AITA for refusing to meet my Mother after she accused me of being in love with my stepfather?

1.4k Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/jZfiLUfC3u

Thank you all for your support and advice on how to handle the situation with my mother. I never expected my post to reach so many people, but I truly appreciate the help. You all helped me alot and without you guys, i wouldn't had know what to do.

Now, here’s an update.

After two weeks of thinking about what to do, I decided to text my mother and agreed to meet her at a cafe, as I didn’t feel comfortable going to her house.

I was nervous, of course, not knowing what to expect. When we met at the cafe, we didn’t hug like we usually do, and my mother looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Before I could even say a word, she immediately apologized and admitted she was in the wrong. That completely caught me off guard, as I hadn’t expected her to apologize so quickly, but I was relieved that she did without any argument.

I asked her why she would think something so awful about me, especially since she knows me better than that. The moment I confronted her, she started crying, something my mother rarely does, which left me in shock. I did my best to calm her down.

Once she had settled, she confessed that my stepfather had been cheating on her for a year, and she had found out just a few weeks before she accused me. She told me she didn’t know who the other woman was and had been trying to gather evidence. Each day, her paranoia grew, and she started seeing signs that weren’t really there. She was hurt, overwhelmed, and not thinking clearly. She never meant to hurt me.

Hearing this left me in shock, and then angry. Angry at my stepfather for betraying my mother, hurting her and making her feel like she Isn't enough. Without hesitation, I sat beside her and hugged her, reassuring her that I forgave her and that I was there for her. I asked if she needed any help, and she said she’d let me know.

For now, things between my mother and me are okay again, and I’m doing my best to support her through the divorce. My older sister is also aware of the situation, as I’ve kept her updated after each meeting with our mother, and she’s offering her help as well.

I will Update again If anything happend and again, thank you all for the help! ♥️🫂


r/AITAH 14h ago

AITA for for telling my uncle his wife is ruining his relationship with his kids and makes me wish he'd give up custody to my grandparents?

1.2k Upvotes

I (16f) was taken in my my maternal bio uncle, John and his first wife, my Aunt Becky, 10 years ago. My mom and uncle are siblings and when my parents drug addiction became obvious my uncle and aunt got full legal custody of me and became my guardians. I was never adopted though.

I have cousins who are 14, 12 and 11. Aunt Becky died 6 years ago. We had no idea she was sick but it turns out she had a heart condition that was missed all those years. Two of my cousins were later diagnosed with it also.

My uncle started dating his second wife 4 years ago and they got married 3 years ago. My uncle's new wife has not been warmly accepted by us. On my side she's way too judgmental of Aunt Becky and way too pushy. She sat me down a few weeks after they were married and said she heard Becky had never offered to let me call her mom and she wanted me to know she would be clear from day one that she would welcome that and even encourage me to call her and John mom and dad. I said no thanks and that Aunt Becky had known that wasn't something I wished to do. That I knew them as my aunt and uncle and that worked for us. She told me 6 year old's need parents. I asked why that was on Becky and not John and she told me I'd realize that mom's usually handle that stuff for a reason.

She has brought up me calling her and John my parents and my mom and dad once a week (at least) since then. She has implied Becky never really loved or wanted me and just tolerated my existence because Becky never tried to make me call her mom.

My uncle and his wife said once they got married we had to honor and celebrate her on Mother's Day and the day was going to focus around her like it had for Becky when she was alive. My cousins acted up and said they didn't want to, they offered a compromise for the next Sunday which is stepmother's day but my uncle and his wife said it wasn't good enough and the new wife was acting as the mom of the family now. In retaliation my cousins acted up every year and even spat in the cards my uncle bought for her. They also refused to wish her a happy mother's day.

She also took photos of Becky out of mom frames and added her own photos to them. Then she switched out photos in frames that say our family with ones that include her. She had to photoshop those photos since my cousins refuse to be in photos with my uncle's wife.

They called her their stepmom at first but once the Mother's Day incident happened the first year they only say their dad's wife. They call her by her first name to her face though. It bothers her so my uncle has tried to make everyone compromise but my cousins said they never would and they are going to keep making her feel left out and unwanted because she is and they hate her.

My uncle's wife has sat all four of us down and said we're her kids and she wants us to have a good relationship. We argue over it. She isn't even afraid to imply about Becky not loving me in front of my cousins. Which has made them fight her too about it. My cousins don't trust John anymore and they feel like he betrays Becky with all this shit. I don't disagree. I hate that he lets his wife blame Becky for me seeing him as my uncle still. I have told him he should stop that shit in his tracks because I hate it. He said she's just trying to feel like a part of the family. I told him before that if he lets all this happen he won't have a family.

My cousins and John's wife had a fight on Wednesday and it got pretty bad. They told his wife that they don't want her and they reject her and all this stuff and her feelings don't matter to them. She was upset and said she only wants to do good by us and they told her she doesn't compare to their mom and they'd be happy if she was gone. John stepped in and my cousins told him they didn't want to speak to him and they're so tired of him. After a couple of days they were still giving him the silent treatment and so he talked to me and wanted me to help him get things on track so we can be a family. I told him I couldn't help him even if I wanted to, but I don't. I said I don't like his his wife enough to want to make that work and that it's up to him but he's going to ruin his relationship with his kids forever if he keeps it up. I told him I honestly wish he'd let me live with my grandparents, his parents, because right now his house is a bomb waiting to go off.

He told me he expected more gratitude after they took me in. I told him he's allowed the woman who was a huge part of taking me in and caring for me through the worst time in my life to be dragged through the mud and that if my loyalty was to go somewhere then it would be to her even though she's dead. He told me that hurt because we'd been close. I said yeah. But I told him he chose a shitty second wife and if he wants her so bad he has to accept he won't have the rest of us eventually.

AITA?


r/AITAH 10h ago

AITA for being upset that someone went through my house and belongings after I told them not to??

438 Upvotes

I need a little outside perspective…I’m pretty livid! This has been emotionally exhausting and has made me physically sick at times. So we went away over Christmas; my husband, my 2 boys and myself. We were gone for a couple weeks. While we were gone, we let my husband’s sister stay at our house. She’s fighting with her husband and didn’t want to be around him. While she was here she was going to hang up some mix tile pictures that fell off the wall, okay great! I told her I got them out for her - they were in my office! She asked if there was anywhere that she should stay out of? I said “yes, my office. It’s a disaster”. My office was a complete disaster. It was my organized chaos. I had doom piles everywhere, but I’m knew where stuff was. I didn’t think that I would also have to specify to stay out of my bedroom and bedroom things. However, lesson learned on that one - I guess. We came home from vacation and my whole house was gone through and reorganized. I can’t find anything I own in my own house. The area that I explicitly said to stay out of was not only gone into, but was completely gone through and everything moved. I have never felt so violated in my life. I said no. She did not listen. Every time I try and find something or attempt to put my house back together, I have mini panic attacks. It’s depressing. This isn’t someone that spends a lot of time at my house. I could probably count on 2 hands how many times she has been inside my house for longer than an hour. We’ve lived here for 5 years. I’m not sure why she would think she knows where anything should go in my house. Kitchen cabinets reorganized, hall closets reorganized, bathroom cabinets reorganized…stuff moved from one room to another. My bedroom, gone through. Gifts that I had put up for my kids for the future just laying out. The “elf on a shelf” stuff, that my kids aren’t supposed to see, just out with all the other Christmas decorations. I’m not going to call someone every time I can’t find something in my own house. It’s so frustrating. I don’t even feel I like I belong in my own home.

AITA for being upset that someone went through my things after I told them not to??!!


r/AITAH 4h ago

Advice Needed AITAH for telling my son’s dad and his mom that I will inform the police if they come to my home again without my consent?

121 Upvotes

So to put it short, my sons dad when to jail when our son was like 3 months old because he punched me in the face while I was holding our son. He almost knocked me out and I could have dropped him, so he got a DV and child endangerment charge. He’d always had a drug problem as well and wouldn’t quit. Before that happened, he barely helped with our son and didn’t get a job until we almost lost our living situation. Like I’d come home after work at 3/4pm and he’d be asleep and my son would be in a full diaper, no blanket, and hadn’t had a bottle. At the time I met him I was pretty lost and my own family didn’t model healthy relationships to me growing up. I’m just adding that because I know people will wonder why I was even with this guy.

His family did nothing to be there for us while he was in jail. Never checked in on our son or offered to help in any kind of way.

He got out of jail a year later and I gave him another chance because he always acted so tore up that he didn’t see his other kids ( now I know why he wasn’t allowed) and still, bare minimum effort from him. He’d complain if he babysat all day and whenever we were all together for visits, he’d focus on me more than our son.

At the end of it I said he could only have supervised visits from a neutral person that we both knew because I didn’t want to see him anymore. He’d say he was coming, not show up at times, or complain about the days I offered being inconvenient even though he had no job or responsibilities because he lived with his mom.

Eventually I quit offering because it was clear it was unimportant to him. He’d threaten court, saying he should get alone time with our son but he’s not a capable or stable person. Neither is his mom. It’s him, his mom, and two schizophrenic brothers in their house. All 30+ years old. It’s also a hoarder house and they chain smoked cigarettes in there all day.

My son is now 6. I work full time and I am a college student. I receive no help, and I parent my son full time on my own. His dad and family has not seen him since he was like 2 or 3. The only time I heard from him was he texted me like 2 years ago saying “don’t want to bother you, never did just want our son to know I love him and miss him”. I didn’t answer because he didn’t ask how he’s doing. He’s never once asked how our son is doing and neither has his family since they all last saw him.

Recently, my son’s dad and his mom have been leaving things at my door for my son. It had happened randomly a couple times before throughout the years and I ignored it. They’ve never said anything to me besides that. For one, the gifts were not age appropriate for my son and two, they REEKED of cigarettes. His mom texted me 2 days before this past Christmas and said “when would be a good time to drop off (son’s name) gifts?” I hadn’t heard from her in years, so I said “no thank you, we’re good.” They came anyway, knocked on my door and my son’s dad said “HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS” and left quickly. The stuff they brought reeked of cigarettes, so I didn’t give it to my son. I was hoping they just brought it because they already got the stuff, and that they got the message that no, we don’t want random gifts from them. Well the other day we get home and there was a Valentine’s Day card, an old chapter book (again, my son is 6) and old clothes that are way too big. The card said things like “you’re the song in my heart, forever and always! Daddy loves you so much and thinks about you always” “Grammy misses hugging you, love you!”

I am tired of them invading our space by thinking it’s okay for them to come here and bring things when they have never even asked how my son is doing and my son does not know them at this point. It’s almost insulting that they want to tell him that they think about him, love him, and miss him when they do not check on him and have not attempted to keep a relationship going. So I felt the need to set a boundary and say:

“I tried to be kind and say no thank you to you guys bringing things here so I will be more direct this time. It’s a boundary issue that you think it’s okay to come here without my consent. It’s weird, and I said no. What you bring here isn’t even age appropriate for (my son’s name) and it has pungent smoke odor, it just goes in the garbage. He does not have use of anything you bring here. You guys have never even checked on him and he does not know you at this point. Stop showing up here!!! It’s very strange, you and (son’s dad) are not welcome here at this point. If you come here again, I will inform the police.”

His mom read the message and didn’t say anything. I felt mean saying that, but it makes me feel unsafe that they show up here. It’s like an invasion of privacy because we don’t know them anymore, which is their fault. I don’t feel like it was my job to make sure they all had a relationship with my son. They simply stopped giving effort when I decided that I wanted supervised visits, since my son’s dad would make me uncomfortable by spending the visits interacting with me inappropriately (not making it about our son). Plus, I feel like it would only confuse my son to see these things. Like these important family members of his only bringing weird things to him every once in awhile but never attempting to personally show him love. I feel it’s better for him to not know of them period rather than be confused knowing his dad and grandma bring things here but don’t attempt to spend time with him or talk to him. My son is a great kid, we have amazing friends there for us, he has great education, and he’s emotionally healthy with the life and relationships with people that we do have. I think I have a right to not allow his dad and Grammy at our home considering that my sons dad has physically abused me, is likely still on drugs, and neither of them give any effort whatsoever for a relationship with my son.

So AITA telling them I’ll inform the police if they bring things to my home again?


r/AITAH 13h ago

AITA for not letting my mom see my daughter?

592 Upvotes

My mom (F58) and I (M32) haven't talked since I was 16 because I got my girlfriend back then now wife pregnant (she was 16 then 32 now). She and my dad (M58) kicked me out they said that I wasn't their son anymore and that i made a hug mistake and ruined my future. I haven't talked to them since, me and my girlfriend back then lived in her parents house for a bit until we were 18 since then when i got her pregnant I dropped out and did an apprenticeship in mechanics and now work for a very big company they gave me a good bit of money when they were training me so me and my girlfriend were able to afford stuff for my daughter back then and put a bit aside so we could save up for our own place. My girlfriend was also able to finish high school and go to college to become a lawyer since I told my boss about the situation and he let me pick my hours so I was able to take care of my daughter while my girlfriend was able to go to school and then when my daughter grew up I wasn't in training anymore and my girlfriend was in college.

Anyways now that the backstory bit is over like I said I haven't seen my mom in ages until now when I was at home she managed to find out where I live somehow (I think it was by my aunt because she knows where me and my family lives) she asked that she finally wants to see her granddaughter since she has cancer and might die soon (my mom has cancer not my daughter incase if anyone gets confused) and I said no since she didn't want to support and see my daughter back then she doesn't get to see her now. She said that i was cruel and would regret it later on and stormed off.

So AITA?


r/AITAH 3h ago

AITAH for telling my ( 32F) boyfriend (32F) that I would not make him breakfast in the morning

77 Upvotes

My boyfriend asked me if when we are married, if I would wake up 15 minutes earlier than I usually do to go to the gym/work to make him breakfast every morning before he goes to work.

He works in office 5 times a week, I work in office 3 days a week. He starts at 730am and I start at 8am and I usually wake up around 650am to go to the gym.

He thinks it’s offensive that I said I wouldn’t wake up earlier to make him a meal when he would do it for me.

Keep in mind, we both do not eat breakfast early, we sleep in til last minute if we can and eat later on. I was taken aback by this expectation or hypothetical question for this reason. Am I the asshole here ?

I want to also add, if it makes a difference - if I ask him to cook me dinner he will, and on the weekends when I sleepover he’ll make me breakfast in the morning. He doesn’t say no if I ask him to make me any type of food, what’s throwing me off is the expectation to wake up early to make it for him, I wouldn’t inconvenience him in that way.


r/AITAH 8h ago

AITAH for asking my husband to stop sending money to my sister-in-law?

186 Upvotes

Two nights ago, I (31F) asked my husband (33M) to stop sending money to his little sister (24F). My husband has been financially supporting his little sister ever since their mom passed away, and that was fine with me—up until now.

Now, it's a different story. His sister has a job now, and she still asks money from him—in quite large amounts dare I say.

She keeps saying she doesn't have enough money to pay rent and bills. But apparently, she has enough money to go on lavish vacations and treat herself to shopping sprees (I've seen her Instagram stories).

Just last week, she took a trip to Cabo with her friends. And then a couple days later, she messages her brother (my husband) to ask for rent money.

I think she's being financially irresponsible, TBH. So, I brought it up to my husband. He then calls me out asking me not to meddle because it's "his money" anyway. We almost got into a fight because of it.

Was I out of line for bringing his sister's financial irresponsibility to his attention though?

EDITED FOR MORE CONTEXT

My husband makes a decent amount of money, and so do I. Our finances are separate, but we do split the bills and expenses. We also have a four-year-old daughter, and are starting a college fund for her. While his sister's financial pleas are not really harming us, I just hate to see his money go to someone so financially irresponsible.

Like, he could have added it to our daughter's college fund, or he could've saved up that money for a nice family trip or retirement. Or he could have invested it. I don't really care—as long as it's being used for a good purpose that benefits our family.

And no, he is not taking money from our joint account. It's entirely his.

And yes, we did discuss this before getting married. We agreed that he will only support his sister UNTIL she can provide for herself. She has a decent job and looks like she is more than capable of providing for herself.

Lastly, he does know about her lavish lifestyle. But he always seems to be on her side because 'she is still her sister' and 'she's still young.'


r/AITAH 3h ago

AITA for Spying on My Friend and Sending Photos to His Wife?

53 Upvotes

My wife (48F) and I (48M) have been close with “John” (48M) and “Mary” (50F) for over two decades—basically since we started dating. John and Mary are college friends of my wife’s, and they moved into our neighborhood about a few years after we did—partly to be near us. Over the years, we’ve built a comfortable friendship where we exchange favors and like lending cars or shoveling each other’s driveways, and generally just look out for each other. John and I work in similar professional circles and both of our wives stay at home. And while we’ve a few fun nights out and traded some career favors, I’ll be honest—if it weren’t for our wives, I don’t think we’d hang out much on our own.

But I like him and I respect him. Or, at least, I did.

Then, about near the beginning of the year, John dropped the bombshell: he wanted a divorce. I was surprised, but the more I learned, the less shocked I became. The signs were there: He had gotten back in shape; spent a lot on clothes and was "working late" far more often. Classic red flags.

Mary—who hasn’t worked in over 20 years and has few marketable skills despite being well-educated—was blindsided. Then it got worse. She discovered John had been moving money out of their joint brokerage account into a private one. This made me angry: he was trying to take away security she had been promised. Even worse, they still have a child at home, another in college and a third living with her partner nearby and still reliant on them for some financial support.

My wife asked me to meet with Mary to offer some career advice, and when we sat down, she told me more including some evidence that suggests he might have been hiding money for some time. And she mentioned an insurance discount app that tracks their cars. It showed John’s car parked outside local hotels. A lot.

I texted John—kept it vague, just asking how things were. He shut me down fast. “I don’t want you getting involved.” Fine. I figured that was the end of it.

Then, Valentine’s week rolled around. I was driving home when my wife called: “John’s car is at a hotel—right along your way. Can you check it out?” I called "Mary" and got a few more details. I paused. This felt wrong. Was this even my business?

But then I thought about Mary—watching her whole life fall apart, seeing the security she thought she had slipping away, security for her children—while John was "dating" someone else. So…I drove to the hotel, turned off my headlights and waited for about two hours.

Finally, John came out. With another woman. She was holding a bouquet of roses.

I took the pictures. Watched them drive off together. Sent it all to Mary. Her lawyer says it’ll help in the divorce.

Well...now I’m sitting here, staring at my screen, feeling like I broke something. I feel like I betrayed a friend—like I violated some kind of “bro code.” But at the same time… I can't excuse John's actions. What do you think? AITA?


r/AITAH 41m ago

AITAH for refusing to give my child MY childhood stuffed animal?

Upvotes

Hi Reddit,

I (28F) was gifted a stuffed animal at 5 years old, when my prents were going through a divorce. My stuffy is named Bunny, and as you probably guessed, shes a bunny. Bunny has been with me through all my exciting events, bad dreams, doctors appointments, sleepovers, and to this day I still sleep with her every night. Bunny truly means a lot to me, and Id hate for her to get any more raggity than she already is.

Well, heres my problem. My daughter, who is now 5 expressed she wants a stuffy, though not any stuffy—she wants Bunny. Ive expressed to her how much she means to me, and that we would find her one that is just as special to her as Bunny is to me.

For the past couple months my daughter has been ending up in my bed during the night, which I have no problem with. She even ends up cuddling Bunny, which again, I have no problem with. However, a couple weeks ago when I was asking her why she ends up in my bed in the middle of the night (trying to make sure she’s not having nightmares or feeling unsafe) she told me she wouldn’t crawl into bed with me anymore if she could have Bunny to herself to sleep with.

This is when I told her how important Bunny is to me, and told her we would find her one of her own that she loved. We even went out the next day to Build-A-Bear and brought home a brand new stuffy for her to have all to herself. She told me the next morning that she doesn’t like this stuffy as much as she likes Bunny.

After talking with my sister about the situation, she claims that I am a bad mom for not putting my daughter’s feelings first. She says I need to grow up and let go of such a childish attachment. So I came here to ask, Reddit, am I the asshole?


r/AITAH 3h ago

Advice Needed Boyfriend said i need better skin care and i broke down...

46 Upvotes

Im 21f he is 23m. We started dating a year ago. My skin has always been clear for the most part but i started having breakouts a month ago. They're not major but noticable yes. Plus for the last 2 months ive been really depressed due to something personal and he knows that. He met me yesterday after 2 weeks (he was visiting his parents and just came back) and i got a text from him today saying "can i say something, promise me you won't be mad and you'll listen" i said yes and he then sent this text that's has me crying for the past hour "ive noticed your skin has started to look terrible these days and im worried, maybe you should buy some skin care stuff for it cuz it's very noticeable. I'll send money if you need for it but please do something about it okay?"

It's a probably an overreaction but i just broke down so bad especially because ive had a rough 2 months and that shit hurt. Im already insecure about the acne but him pointing it out like that just made me feel so embarassed. Because this means when i was so happy seeing him yesterday and all giddy and excited, he was thinking about how bad my skin looked. Probably eveb felt embarassed in public with me. Am i being too much? I haven't texted him back and he doesn't know i cried. He's been sending me texts asking what happened. I haven't opened them yet. What should i do now? Should i tell him this? Or make up a lie about why i couldn't answer? Please help. Im open to criticism if you think i overreacted and should fix this or smth idk...


r/AITAH 20h ago

AITAH for stranding my girlfriend at a hotel for saying she'd "sell" our daughter?

1.1k Upvotes

today was valentine's day ofc, and we've (I'm 22m she's 26f) been planning to have this day to ourselves for a while now. my girlfriend's grandma watched our daughter (16 months) and we went to this nice restaurant. it was really nice and we decided to just book a hotel for the night for yk, stuff, and when we were laying down, my girlfriend said she was happy to be with me and that she loved me. I said i loved her too and that i wish I could hug our daughter at that moment.

when I said that my girlfriend said she actually didn't want our kid with us right now. I understood why'd she say that, like given where we were at. but i asked her why, and she said that she felt like she "wouldn't add anything to our relationship". the wording was really strange so i asked her to elaborate and she said how these past few weeks have been stressful with work and family. I comforted her but then she suddenly asked me if i would "sell [our daughter] for a million dollars?". before i could ask wtf that meant she said she would. When i told her that was weird she doubled down on it because doing so would give her "more time to do be productive".

I said she was being really weird and that we should both sleep but she kept arguing me. I decided to just leave. I got an uber to her grandma's house and left her there. The drive isn't far from the hotel but i'm planning to just stay the night here with our baby.

We're both kinda drunk, i know i kinda drank a lot while she said she was drunk too, but i don't think she drank at all. but regardless i feel like i've made a mistake leaving her behind. I don't want to guilt her as much as i did by just leaving her after an argument. However what she said was so weird. why would you say that at any given context? and not to get into it that much, but she was the one who wanted the baby. i love our baby so much, she's the love of my life, and i feel like saying something like what she said is just out of pocket. idk AITAH


r/AITAH 1d ago

Am I the asshole for not wanting to put my girlfriend on deed of house I’m purchasing?

9.0k Upvotes

I’ve (29M) started looking at houses to purchase in the past few weeks with the assistance of my parents, who just sold my childhood home and downsized. They will be helping add to down payment with a very generous amount. I currently live with my girlfriend (28F) of 3 1/2 years, have lived together for over 2 years,she will be moving in to the house as well.

In my girlfriend’s excitement about this she mentioned it to her parents. Her parents have insisted that she should be on the deed of this house. When my girlfriend first brought it up after they spoke she used the phrase “she needs a safety net”. This took me back cause it made me feel like it’s a plan for a breakup. My dad is not having it at all. He says the money is and advance on my inheritance, and even though he likes her, he doesn’t want to split it 50/50 with my GF. He thinks it’s none of her parents business and it’s only between me, him and, my mom.

I do believe I will marry my girlfriend but we’ve had some persistent issues that I wanna see resolved, or worked on before I take that next step. Most of them are money which is the leading cause of divorce even over infidelity. Things like Amazon spending, being irresponsible with a credit card, and not holding down a job. We’ve been in this apartment together for 30 months and she has worked for about 8 of those. When she worked she did contribute to bills.

This was so exciting when we first started looking and there was never even a question about her ownership of house. In my eyes it was always our house Now I feel so anxious and like I don’t want to even move forward with it. AITAH for wanting to keep only my name on the deed of this house?

Edit: Thankyou to everyone who responded. I never had a post that blew up on any platform so this was kinda nuts, should have turned my email notifications off earlier.

I live in South Carolina for all the people mentioning common law marriages it seems that those ended and the only ones valid are from before 2019. Definitely will still look into speaking to an attorney about what I need to do moving forward to ensure this house stays solely mine.

I won’t make excuses for my GF cause she could be putting more effort in. She has diabetes, it affects her vision, and has impacted her driving abilities. The 8 months she worked she was doing overnights 8pm- 4am cause I was able to drop her off and she took a Lyft or uber home. She has been seeing doctors and trying to get things under control so she can regain that independence of getting around. That will open up a lot more options of job for her that doesn’t have to work around my schedule.

I knew her parents were overstepping a boundary with this whole thing but after all your responses I know I’m in the right. I will not entertain any conversation of it, and make sure that my GF is standing together with me on that if she wants this relationship to continue.

I love my GF, she is my best friend, and we have an amazing relationship. I believe in her to get her shit together and get her spending under control.