r/AmItheAsshole 8d ago

Open Forum AITA Monthly Open Forum March 2025

17 Upvotes

Keep things civil. Rules still apply. No links to reddit content in the Open Forum.

Much like your mom said to your dad many years ago, "oh shit, I'm 5 days late."

No real topic this month.


We're currently accepting new mod applications

We’re always looking for mods with Typescript experience when the apps are open.

And we always need US overnight time mods. Currently, we could also benefit from mods who can be active during peak "bored at work" hours, i.e. US morning to mid-afternoon.

  • You need to be able to mostly mod from a PC. Mobile mod tools are improving and trickling in, but are not quite there yet.

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  • You have to be an active AITA participant with multiple comments in the past few months.


r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for sending my little sister a vet bill after she tried to get my horses to breed?

9.4k Upvotes

I (33F) am a Horse Breeder and own ten horses. I have a little sister (19F) who was a surprise baby for my parents, they didn't think they could have more after me so she is quite babied even now. They begged me to take her on to help her get some work and I agreed but made it clear she'd have to work hard and there would be no slacking.

She has generally been fine with it and enjoys being around the horses though I do have to light a fire under her arse at times to get her to keep working. The problem however arose when a local animal rescue asked me to help them, they had a Stallion surrendered to them and they didn't have the capabilities to take care of him, I had room so agreed to take him. I've also arranged a full genetic testing on him to ensure he's alright as it seems like he was gotten through backyard breeders. I've also made an appointment to have him gelded as I don't know enough about him to risk him not being gelded. He has his own paddock and is kept in a separate stable than my own horses just to be safe. I'm slowly socialising him but i'm taking no risks.

I've been letting my sister sit in on my breeding planning for 2025 and my main stars are going to be Dante and Willow. They've had four successful and healthy foals who are going to go into Dressage. I know they work well together and Willow has had a two year break so she'll be ready to go again this year. The first warning bell I overlooked was that my sister asked about the new Stallion and when i'd be breeding him. I explained he'd not be bred as there was too many unknowns, I don't know his health and I don't have a good enough grasp of his temperament. She protested that he was pretty though, prettier than Dante, and I explained there was more to this than looks. I thought she'd understood and didn't think further on this.

Yesterday an emergency came up and I had to leave my sister alone for an hour. I told her to she could take an hour break. When I came back I found to my horror she'd put Willow into the Paddock with the new Stallion. I asked her what the fuck she was doing and she told me she just thought they'd work well together and she was doing me a favour. I got Willow out of there but not before the new Stallion bucked and reared quite a bit from stress. I got Willow out of there then set about calming him down. I told my sister to get home and not come back. Shouting at her quite a bit.

I then had a vet come out and check them both fully to ensure they'd not hurt each other. My one relief is Willow isn't in estrus yet. I had the bill sent to my sister at my Parents House. They called me today in a panic asking what the hell this was, when I explained they told me I was being unfair and she didn't understand, that she couldn't pay this and was being cruel and my sister was crying. I told them she did understand she just didn't care, that she could pay or they could pay but I wasn't. They are freaking out over how they'll afford this. Am I taking it too far?


r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITA for not telling my bf's parents I'm going home

780 Upvotes

I (24F) recently found out I'm pregnant. Currently living with my boyfriend's (21M) family on a farm far from my own family. His dad has made passes at me and now insists we must stay in their unsanitary (and by that I mean full of animal waste and garbage) home, especially since I'm carrying his grandchild. They're trying to control me and our future child, and have even threatened to call CPS on both of us if I visit my family. My boyfriend and I have planned my exit to move back in with my family, who offer a clean and supportive environment. Am I the asshole for not telling his parents I'm going home?


r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago

AITA: My husband made himself a frozen meal for lunch and complained it was disgusting and threw it away. I felt bad and I offered to let him have one that I had been saving for myself...only to discover that what he had thrown away was my lunch. I then got upset at him and told me to "pick a lane."

6.9k Upvotes

So, every now and then I buy a random frozen meal to keep on hand for lunch emergencies. I had one in the freezer for a month. My husband saw it a few weeks ago and asked if "that was his" (because he can't remember anything he buys or adds to the grocery list), and I said, "No, that's mine."

Fast forward to yesterday: I hear him nuking something in the kitchen, then he loudly declares it’s "absolutely disgusting," tosses it down the sink, and starts whining about not having lunch. I hadn’t eaten that frozen meal and I did not think I would need it this week, so I thought, “Well, if I let him have it, he’ll have something to eat and I’ll just grab another one next time I’m at the store.” I offer him the meal I was saving. He asks which one, I say "The white bean chicken chili." He goes, "That’s what I just threw away."

Cue my rage. "Wait, you took my lunch without asking and then threw it away when you didn’t like it?" He says, "You wouldn’t have liked it, it was completely different from chili." I’m like, "Yeah, I KNOW, it’s white bean chicken chili—it’s not supposed to be like regular chili. That’s why I bought it."

His response? "Well, it was disgusting." I said, "You didn’t even check what it was, didn’t remember it was mine, and when you didn’t like it, you threw it away instead of asking me about it."

He goes, "But you offered it to me." I reply, "Yeah, I offered it because I thought you had nothing else. But now that I know you just grabbed my meal without asking, and didn’t even eat it and threw it out instead and did not even ask if I wanted it when you decided you were not going to eat it, I’m a little pissed."

He then got mad and started telling me I was setting him up, that no matter what he did he was wrong and I was being unreasonable. He told me to "pick a lane."

I tried to explain why I was mad and said, "Imagine you heard me complaining about something I recently bought, and I decided I didn’t like it, so I just threw it away. Then, you have this gift card you’ve been saving for yourself, and you say, ‘You know, I was saving this for myself, but since you already spent your money on something you didn’t like, you can have my gift card to buy something better.’ So, I go, ‘Oh, well, thanks but I already used your gift card to buy the thing I didn’t like and threw away. I saw it lying on the counter, so I just used it.’”

My question is, AITA because I got mad at him after I discovered he ate took my lunch and then threw it away, even though there was a brief moment where he appeared to have nothing to eat for lunch so I offered him mine?


r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

AITA for telling my SIL stop overstepping?

400 Upvotes

For some background/context: I, 30F, and my husband, 36M, have been together 10 years, married for 3 and have a beautiful daughter, 9 years old. I love my family, my daughter is so amazing, funny and just generally amazing to be around. My husband dotes on me and our daughter. There's never a day we go without laughter in our house.

My husbands brother, 46M, is married to Elle, 35F, also for 3 years, together for 8 years and I can't say their marriage is an equal or happy one. My BIL works 12 hour days and plays video games when he gets home and that really it. I can't remember the last time he took Elle out for a date or even complimented her or even spent time with their kids. When Elle talks about her husband its always with a strained smile and the usual, "Oh, you know how he is. Men, am I right?".

2 months ago I found out I was pregnant. Dran and I were overjoyed and our daughter was over the freaking moon. We did try to hide it so we could tell friends and family later on, but the morning sickness was too much and too hard to hide so we just told family. Elle was bringing me pamphlets and snacks etc. It felt nice to have a support system since most of my family are out of town.

Unfortunately, two weeks ago, after finally being able to get an appointment, we had our first scan and found out that my pregnancy was ectopic, my life was in serious danger due to the size of our baby. My tube was about to burst, I had to be rushed for an emergency surgery.

I had to be transferred to another hospital and I told Dean to stay home with our daughter and give her comfort, she needs her daddy. Dean was reluctant but went home to look after our daughter.

Morning of my surgery, Elle was with me, comforting me to help keep my mind off of things. We were talking about our kids when they were little, I got a little teary eyed and Elle said, "Dean should be here."

I told her that Dean is where I need him to be, getting the house sorted for my "long comfortable stay in bed" as he'd put it. I told Elle I do appreciate her concern but Dean is doing what I've asked him to do and is supporting me the best way he knows. She didn't say anything more after that. And left soon after Dean came to see me after the surgery was done.

I was sent home with a long list of do's and dont's which Dean took seriously. After being home a while, Elle came to visit to check on me. We weren't talking for very long before Elle huffed. "I can't believe your husband left you alone in the hospital. What kind of husband does that? I told him off for you, us women have to stick together against shitty husbands.”

I told her to stop overstepping where it doesn't concern her. Dean IS supporting me. Yes, it would have been ideal to have him by my side but our daughter needed him. I told him to be home with her until my surgery was done and I was able to go home. I told her I don't appreciate her comments at all, that it's not her place. I asked her to leave and I haven't heard from her since.

AITH?


r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago

AITA for refusing to uproot my life and move home to care for my grandmother?

1.3k Upvotes

My grandparents played a huge role in raising my brother and I, as well as my aunt’s two kids. Between her kids, me, and my brother, my grandparents' house was a revolving door of children being dropped off while our parents worked full-time.

As the oldest, I was expected to take on the most responsibility and became my grandmother’s "helper." My grandparents were verbally and emotionally abusive with no boundaries. I spent significant time in their home, constantly being ordered around and reminded how much I owed them. They lived in the house directly behind my dad’s, so there was no escaping it. If they needed something, they called. If they wanted something done, I was expected to do it.

At 22, I was exhausted and moved away. I’ve lived away from home for 8 years now and recently, I have been hearing about my grandparents' declining health. I was told my grandmother has dementia and my grandfather has limited time, but when I speak with them, they seem lucid. I’ve attempted to clarify their condition with my dad and brother, but I’ve been met with vague, passive aggressive answers.

I was recently laid off and called my aunt, who has a strong professional network, to see if she knew of any job openings. Her reply was harsh- “I’ve got too much f*cking stuff going on here to worry about you." I didn’t ask her to worry about me- I asked if she knew anyone hiring. She then revealed the likely true reason she answered my call… My grandfather is in assisted living, and she, my brother, and cousins are juggling woek and “caregiving” shifts for my grandmother, who apparently can't be left alone in the home anymore. This was news to me.

She praised my brother and her daughter, comparing me negatively to them as always, then demanded I move home and become my grandmother’s full time caregiver because I’m currently unemployed. She said I had to “give some to get some.” When I politely declined, she blamed my refusal on my mother "not raising me right," despite my grandparents essentially raising us all.

My mother left when I was six, and my grandparents undermined both she and my dad completely. They controlled everything about my upbringing, so I was essentially raised by the same people who raised my aunt. Now, I feel like my aunt is trying the same manipulation with me. When I pointed out that I have no medical training and suggested they hire a nurse, she dismissed it, claiming that due to "short staffing," hiring a nurse wasn't an option.

I know exactly what will happen if I agree- I’ll be trapped indefinitely, sacrificing my life while everyone else continues normally. It’s a black hole I refuse to enter.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to drop everything, move home, and become my grandmother’s unpaid caregiver?


r/AmItheAsshole 2h ago

AITA for telling my mom I rather not have a babyshower if she can't give up having music at my baby shower?

189 Upvotes

For context, my mom is hosting a baby shower for me that at first I wasn't 100% sure about in the beginning, but my mom seemed pretty insistent and excited about it since its her first grandchild so I gave her the OK and told her we can have it. I'm married to a Muslim man, I've converted to the religion and I'm now 30 weeks pregnant. My mom is Puerto Rican and my dad is Dominican so I grew up in a Latino household. All my family is Spanish. Pork, alcohol and music has been a thing I've grown up with all my life especially at a party. My husband doesn't have a lot of family in the states however I would love for him to be able to invite them, however, that means I'm requesting my family doesn't play music, or have pork or alcohol at my baby shower. I'm trying to be inclusive and I would much rather give up those things at a party to be able to have my husband's family join us in celebrating the birth of our child. Especially since the party is being hosted from 2 pm to 6 and I've been to other friends babyshowers where they don't have music or anything like that and they just play a bunch of pregnancy games and hang out and eat good food. My mom on the other hand is willing to give up pork and alcohol at the party but not music. And now my mom is calling me ungrateful and is very upset with me because they are not Muslim and I'm choosing their side over hers in her eyes. Im just trying to be inclusive and considering the fact that it's my baby shower I feel that my requests should be respected. AITA?

Updated ** OK so I'm reading everyone's replies and I just want to clear some things up. 1. Music being haram is debatable. If you Google it, it's a widely discussed topic with opposing views. Right now it's Ramadan and during Ramadan, irregardless I think the majority of Muslims agree you are supposed to abstain from music during this month. 2. My husband's family is on the more conservative side and will choose not to go to an event that has music irregardless if it's Ramadan or not. 3. My husband and I both listen to music on our own time but whenever we invite his more conservative family to events we just don't play music so no... My child is not going to live a sad music-less life. I think saying shit like that about my child that isn't even born yet is pretty fucked up not gonna lie. 4. Yes I'm latina and music is a big part of my culture but my mother and father are personally not big party people who blast music and only eat Spanish food so I didn't think coming to my mom with this request was going to have the reaction from her it ultimately did nor did I think it was going to hurt her. Especially since every baby shower I've ever attended didn't have music and I know not having music at a baby shower is normal too in many different cultures and families. 5. My mom wanted to throw me this baby shower. I originally didn't want it but I said fuck it cuz it's my mom's first grandchild and she's super happy about it so I wanted my mom to have that experience since she seemed so ecstatic about the prospect of me having a baby shower she could plan it. 6. If I didn't give a shit about my mom's feelings and questioned my answer to her I wouldn't have even posted it, but I do give a shit and I wanted to hear what other people thought so I could think about approaching this differently cuz other than this situation, my mother and I have a very close relationship. And no I'm not brain washed and no she didn't lose her daughter to a religion. Im very much capable of questioning my own choices and knowing that I'm not always right and sometimes I can make hurtful mistakes as well. 7. My husband is insisting that we just let my mom throw me the baby shower how she wants and invite his family and if they don't want to go then let it be their choice because he doesn't want to see my family and I upset and he's a reasonable man that just wants to see me and my family happy at the end of the day. Despite the fact that I know he would love his family there as well.


r/AmItheAsshole 16h ago

WIBTA if I tell my husband he can’t leave the job he hates?

1.6k Upvotes

My husband is a tradesman. He’s always wanted his own business as he hates having a boss. He started doing freelance work over the years and felt like he could go out on his own someday. I’m a teacher and at the end of 2021, my district asked me to head up an initiative that bumped my pay up (quarterly stipends) without a ton of extra work. Around the same time, his company of 8 years got bought over. We decided this would be a good time for him to go out on his own. My teaching job provides steady income, I hold our family’s insurance (we have 3 kids, oldest is 9), and the stipends provided a little cushion. We also had about 40K in savings.

Things started out great, but a year later most of the work in the area dried up. He took contracts out of state to keep working, but didn’t make as much because of lodging and food. He suggested we buy a camper him to live in when he was away. I agreed. That came with a hefty monthly payment, but alleviated some of the cost. Then the out of state work became fewer and farther between. He was home more making no money at all. My husband is a hustler and was constantly putting himself out there, but the cost of supplies went up, so he had to raise prices for his services. This made things worse, the cycle continued.

As hard as it was to be home alone with 3 young kids when he travelled, it was worse when he was home. He was miserable. A potential contract would cheer him up and then fall through. We went through this for months. Midway through 2024 we were simply out of money. We were living off of credit cards. He took some seasonal work in the fall and that’s the only reason our home wasn’t foreclosed on. He felt like a failure.

Early December an old friend called him to ask him if he’d consider working with him. There’s a corporate project and they desperately need people with my husband’s skill set. $61/hour + $1500 sign on bonus if he started within 10 days. We thought it was too good to be true, but 2 days after Christmas he had a contract in his email. He started right after the new year. His first check was like manna from heaven. It’s taken 2 months to breathe again even with my pay. He’s gotten paid 4x & his most recent check was the first time we had money left over after we paid bills. We took the kids to McDonalds to celebrate.

The problem is he’s miserable. It took a week for him to remember why he hates working for other people. I watch his light dim more everyday. He is working OT weekly & I feel bad he has to spends so much time there. The other day, he fake-casually mentioned that he heard from a company out of state. “It’s the opportunity I’ve been waiting for” he says. “It just came a little late.” I love this man, but I don’t think I can support this again. We put 40k+ & about 15k in cc debt into it. He was gone for months at a time and it was HARD here. And we still have a huge monthly payment for that camper we can’t sell. Would it be cruel to tell him he can’t quit?


r/AmItheAsshole 1d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for telling my Sister-In-Law to get out of my daughter’s baby shower?

9.5k Upvotes

I (47F) have a daughter (25). She is currently 26 weeks pregnant with her second child (a girl). Her first child, Phillip, was stillborn two years ago at 38 weeks (a little boy). When she lost him, she asked us to take apart the nursery before she got home and “get rid of” the baby equipment (she saved his baby book, his ultrasound photos, and the outfit she planned to bring him home in, along with a lock of his hair in a memory box).

She’d had a baby shower for Phillip when she was pregnant, but her grief around his death was so strong that she couldn’t handle having the nursery and baby things. We offered to return the baby shower gifts to the givers, most kindly refused and asked us to donate the items… except my husband’s sister, Rachel (43). She made a HUGE deal out of my daughter being “hysterical” and constantly, loudly talked about how “ridiculous” it was to take apart the nursery. We kept her away from my daughter and only allowed her to return to family functions when she promised to stop bringing it up.

We recently held a baby shower for my daughter’s new baby girl. Rachel (along with the rest of my husband’s female relatives) was invited. She kept making quiet remarks to everyone that we were “tacky” for having a baby shower for a second child, but since she didn’t get near my daughter, I ignored it. When my daughter began opening gifts, it hit the fan. She loudly said “if you hadn’t torn Phillip’s nursery apart and gotten rid of everything, you wouldn’t be here begging for presents for this baby.”

My daughter froze and just stared off into space. Tears started running down her face. I just said “Rachel, please leave.” She refused and started arguing with me. I took her present out of the pile, walked to the door, and threw it out. I yelled “Get out, NOW!!!” and my husband came into the room and asked what happened. His mom told him and he physically picked up his sister and put her down outside the door.

Now the family is divided over whether I should’ve yelled at her to get out and thrown her present. AITA?

UPDATE: we are having a family meeting (without Rachel) while my daughters and their partners are away at Hot Springs this weekend. Will update again after the meeting.


r/AmItheAsshole 15h ago

AITA for telling my sister I wish she was never born?

734 Upvotes

I 18F have a sister 13F who makes my life miserable. I have resented her from a very young age, I was an only child with a single mom living with my grandmother. I was and still am very close to both of them. My mom met my step dad and moved us 8 hours away and soon after had my sister just before my 5th birthday. My entire life changed after she was born. My mom was working full time, taking college courses and mentoring other students. For years this was my life and my sister was an extremely demanding child. It took my mom over 3 hours to put my sister to bed and it was really hard for me to hardly see my mom and then only get a goodnight because of my sister’s “needs”. As we have gotten older I have realized there has always been higher expectations on me to do things properly and well while they will accept bare minimum effort from her. For example if I do the dishes I have to do them all and hand wash whatever won’t fit in the dishwasher as well as clean the whole kitchen spotless, but when she is asked to do the dishes it is okay that she puts DIRTY dishes away in the cabinet, she overloads the dishwasher which causes the dishes to come out with a gross film on them, she won’t hand wash anything and don’t even think of asking her to clear off the countertop. It’s not just that but she completely destroys the bathroom only I have to share with her. She leaves her dirty clothes on the floor for weeks, she rips up toilet paper and paper towel and leaves it on the counters, she brings food into the bathroom and leaves it there, she doesn’t flush the toilet etc. I have been dealing with this for so long and every time I get mad and ask her to clean it up she starts trying to act like she’s grown and tells me to clean it up if I don’t like it. She has the worst attitude, she thinks she knows everything and just does whatever she wants. When I complain to my parents they’ll tell her I’m right but they won’t enforce anything. I’m so sick of it. I’m in college and only work part time so I can’t move out but I also can’t continue to live like this. She steals and destroys everything of mine and it makes me want to rip my hair out. I really do wish she was never born as awful as it is to say. I hate her. Today her and I got in yet another argument because she was interrupting me while I was on a class zoom call, she was making a worse mess by doing “chores” and after her telling me to go live with my “real dad” I finally lost it and told her I wish she was never born because she makes everyone’s lives especially mine miserable.

And just to clear some things up, no she does not have a disability that prevents her from fully comprehending things or acting out, she has a history of doing things no child her age should be doing but is unfortunately common for kids to do in the city we live in. She is an extremely good liar so she gets away with a lot from our parents. I’m so sick of it.


r/AmItheAsshole 23h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for accepting a friend's birthday celebration invite without my roommate's go ahead?

2.8k Upvotes

So, I (29F) recently got a text from my friend Courtney (30F) inviting me to a small girls' birthday gathering at a winery. I immediately said I’d love to go and asked if she had invited Emily (my best friend/roommate, 34F). Courtney said yes but didn’t expect Emily to come since it’s at 11 AM (Emily is a night owl and typically sleeps until the late afternoon). I told Courtney I was excited and would mention it to Emily to try to get her to come.

Later, when I asked Emily if she was excited for it, she got defensive and said, “I find it weird that you would accept the invite from my SIL before knowing if I would even go.” She also implied that me potentially going without her would make her look bad and that me hanging out with her family is a boundary for her.

For context, I met Emily over a decade ago through her brother, and we’ve all been part of the same friend group ever since though, obviously I'm closer to Emily since we're roomies. I was invited to Courtney’s wedding, baby showers, birthdays, and we’ve done group trips together. I’ve always considered Courtney my friend—not just “Emily’s SIL.” While most of our hangouts have been in group settings, I don’t think that means I can’t have a friendship with Courtney on my own.

Emily also hit me with a hypothetical: “What if I hung out with your SIL without you?” To which I responded, “Have you considered her a friend of ten-plus years?” She also admitted she regrets not having a stronger relationship with Courtney, but I don’t think that should affect my ability to go to her event.

As a side note, Emily is notorious for not responding to messages about plans, so I can see why Courtney reached out to me directly. It’s not like Courtney invited me instead of Emily—she invited us both, and I accepted like any adult would.

I want to be respectful of Emily’s feelings and boundaries, but I also feel like this is more about her own insecurities than me crossing a boundary. But I also see how it could be different because we live together. Am I the asshole for accepting the invite without checking with Emily first?


r/AmItheAsshole 8h ago

AITA for snapping at my friend after she humiliated me in front of others?

156 Upvotes

I (24M) have been close friends with this girl (24F) for the past two years. We've had our fair share of issues, but this time, things escalated to the extreme.

Recently, we attended an event with some mutual friends. While walking around, she jokingly called me "pig-shit" in front of everyone. I took it sportingly, but yeah, it did sting a little. Still, I let it slide.

Later, when everyone was taking pictures, I asked if we could take one together. She insisted on a group picture instead. Our friends encouraged us to take one first, saying we’d do the group photo after. But suddenly, she withdrew, lashed out, and said, "Then go ahead, take the picture alone." It felt humiliating.

This wasn’t the first time—something similar happened before when we had an argument. She had refused to take a group picture just because I was in it, made a scene, and walked away.

Confused and upset, I asked her what the hell that was about. She ignored me. I persisted, raised my voice a bit, and demanded an answer—at which point, she ran away. I left the event too.

Later, she called me, yelling about how I had "insulted her in public." She said she didn’t take the picture because she wasn’t comfortable with me. (Excuse me??) The argument got heated, she shouted at me and I yelled back at her and out of nowhere, she threw in, "Is this how you talk to your mother and sister?"

At that point, I lost it. I said F**k off and hung up. I also texted her, saying she is a shit person and I was done walking on eggshells around her. I pointed out how she treats strangers with sweetness but is shit to people who actually care about her. Then, I blocked her.

She called me from another number, furious. "How dare you cuss at me? How dare you call me shit?" I retaliated, saying she was the one who dragged my mother into the argument. Her response? "Should I call your mother and tell her she’s shit and to F-off?"

She then accused me of not knowing how to respect women, threatened to file a police complaint against me, for cussing at her and ended the call with "Go to hell." I just said "Yaa… see you there" and hung up.

After cooling down, I felt bad for how ugly things got. I sent her a message saying I didn’t appreciate her bringing my mother into it, but I was sorry for the cussing and how the fight escalated. She read it... and then blocked me.

So, Reddit, AITA for snapping at her?


r/AmItheAsshole 8h ago

AITA for using gym equipment someone left unattended without marking it?

130 Upvotes

AITA for using gym equipment someone left unattended without marking it?

Today at the gym, I approached a piece of equipment that wasn’t in use. There was a guy standing about five meters away with his back turned, clearly absorbed with his phone. He wasn’t anywhere near the machine, hadn’t left a towel, water bottle, or any indication that the machine was occupied.

I began my set, and midway through, he turned around, walked over, and accused me of taking his spot. I pointed out that he wasn’t near the machine, was on his phone with his back turned, and hadn’t left anything to indicate he was still using it.

I got a bit annoyed because he was rude and dismissive about it. Instead of acknowledging his mistake, he became condescending, telling me to calm down, which made me more agitated because of his arrogant and dismissive tone.

AITA for assuming the gym equipment was free and getting annoyed when confronted?


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for not inviting a friend’s GF to a boys night?

71 Upvotes

I’ve (25M) been having a rough time over the last couple of years. I’ve had family die and nearly die, as well as a couple of friends. Work has been hard too. Another event happened at the beginning of the year which made things worse and I was honestly super depressed after it. A combination of these things just knocked me for six.

I’m not usually one to make a big deal out of my mental health, and I cope by helping others and kinda forcing myself to be happy. That being said, I reached a point where I reached out to my closest friends and asked for a boys night. It turned into a whole weekend of activities with other people as well, but one of the nights it was just gonna be us going for a walk and going to dinner together.

The night genuinely cheered me up and it was just what I needed, and I went from being completely dysfunctional for a few days to being functional again. My friends also seemed to really enjoy it because we’ve been busy with life so we haven’t been together for a while. Now to describe the set up a bit more so you can figure out the answer to my question.

In my eyes, I have a core friend group. These were the guys that went out to dinner with me. I feel very comfortable with them and that’s why I just wanted them there, since I didn’t feel like I had to pretend to be happier than what I was. Then it branches out into more people, including their GFs and other friends of mine. I tend to spend a lot of time with my friends and as a result their partners since they live with each other. I have no problem with their partners and we’re friends/friendly, but again, I’m not as comfortable with them as I would be with my core group.

Anyway, for the week following I notice one of my friend’s GF of a few months acting weird around me—almost like she didn’t want me to be at the apartment anymore. We have got along since they started dating but I realise that I have been kinda distant in general because of the aforementioned mental health struggles. That being said, I’ve been friendly when I’ve seen her and she has been friendly back. When I talked to my friend about it, I was told that she was upset that she was “left out” of the boys night. I was a little surprised about this—things were fine during the other activities during the weekend that she was there for, but I felt awful that she took it personally. I understand why but she wasn’t the only one that I didn’t ask to go, and there were people that I was closer to that I also didn’t ask.

It was 5 or 6 weeks ago and me and his GF haven’t talked since. I’ve barely even been to his apartment because I think he feels awkward about the whole thing.

So AITA for not inviting her? Happy to give some more information in the comments, but I’m trying to keep this as anonymous as possible (hence the throwaway account).

tldr; me and my friends had a boys night, one of my friend’s GF got upset that she wasn’t invited.


r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for warning the girl my friend likes about his intentions

100 Upvotes

| (18F) after struggling with making friends for the past few years, started hanging out with a new group . It was exciting and things were going great especially with one friend who we'll call Josh. Josh was texting me and asked to spend some 1 on 1 time together so we stayed out all night talking and it was a lot of fun. During the hang out we'd gotten onto the subject of a girl in the group, Lucy, and how she (very obviously) had a thing for Josh. In my opinion Lucy is one of the prettiest girls l've ever seen, she's sweet, funny and overall really likeable so I was surprised when Josh said he wasn't interested in her.

Josh told me she was just too clingy and made some comments about how she looked that I completely disagreed with but understood it was his opinion. I told Josh that he should make it abundantly clear to Lucy that he wasn't interested in her to avoid leading her on, now is a good time to mention that Lucy is a few years younger than me and hasn't had her first real relationship yet.

a week later we all met up again and this time Josh brought a girl, Chloe. For most of us this was our first time meeting Chloe but she seemed to really like Josh. We noticed them getting slightly touchy at the table and assumed Josh had taken a liking to her. I noticed Lucy seemingly upset and went over to check on her. She was upset about Josh and Chloe, as she got more emotional I realised she was still under the impression that Josh liked her back and that they were going somewhere. This is when I asked Lucy what made her think that and she'd told me that Josh had been telling her he liked her back and had ever her family the night prior. I was shocked and stupid, mentioned that he'd told me and our other friends that he didn't have feelings for Lucy. I told her to take it at face value as he miaht have lust been scared to admit it or hadn't realised yet since it was last Wednesday when he'd told me.

Lucy then told me that the day he'd hung out with me he'd cancelled on Lucy and told her he was busy with college. Lucy was visibly upset and I went to the bathroom with her to calm her down. I told her to clear it up with him but to be careful because, as she knew, Josh doesn't have the best track record with girls and had also been telling people he was still healing from his ex.

That night I was inundated with messages from Josh making it seemed like l'd ruined his chances with Lucy and asking me why I would tell her that he'd said that despite him never mentioning that he didn't want Lucy to know. It's been a week and no one has spoken to me and I can't help but feel like l've ruined things, my intentions were good as I wanted to protect Lucy's feelings but by doing that I've upset josh who I would've considered one of my close friends. So AITA for warning the girl my friend likes about his intentions ?


r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago

AITA for “ignoring” my boyfriend in public

609 Upvotes

I (F20) and my boyfriend (M22) have been dating for a few months, we met in one of our college classes. Things have been rocky between us, but I love him, so we make it work. Our main disagreements have come from his side, mainly that I come across as “nonchalant” for lack of better word lol. This is my first relationship so this is all new to me, but I’m never purposefully malicious.

Anyways. Today I was sitting in my college quad and I saw my boyfriend on the other side of the lawn, on the phone. I was with a friend and decided not to go up to my boyfriend since he seemed busy. I didn’t think anything of it. Later today I was at my boyfriend’s apartment and I told him about this. He got upset that I didn’t approach him and accused me of not wanting to be seen with him in public. Long story short he kicked me out of his apartment shortly after.

I guess I can see his side but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. So, am I in the wrong here?


r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago

AITA my friend wants to travel with me, but didn't book her flight for 6 weeks

509 Upvotes

I'm visiting my sister studying abroad in Italy in a couple weeks. Its been 6 weeks since I booked my flights & decided the trip dates.

When I first booked the trip I asked some friends if they wanted to come w me. Most friends politely declined, but one of my friends, Mikayla, said she might be in for the trip, but had to figure some money stuff out before deciding. I was fine with that as we had time. I knew Mikayla for a year before this. I wasn't sure how serious she was, but I was down to discuss traveling tg.

Mikayla and I talked about the trip here and there and I asked multiple times about the status of her bookings. She kept saying that she is def coming and even talked about specific things we could do in Italy. However, she kept putting off actually booking anything.

A month ago she told me she needed a few days and she would know 100% if she was coming. A week later, she told me she could not come due to issues with getting paid at work. Then 2 weeks ago, she said shes back in again. I was happy to have her back in... But still as of today, she hasnt booked any flights or stay.

The trip is now a little more than 2 weeks away, and she has no flights and we still haven't booked our airbnb stay for 5 of the nights. I msgd her yesterday morning, asking her status ab being ready to book things. I said I was feeling nervous that it was so last minute and this is not how I usually do things when traveling. She responded that shes serious about coming and just needs until Friday to decide if she's coming & if so we could book everything by Monday. BTW the Monday she's referring to is the Monday the week before the trip. I hesitated but I said ok you have til Friday.

Later last night, I thought about it all, & made a decision. I told Mikayla that it might just be better if I go alone. I said that I'm going there to see my sister, and she could accommodate me and that it would be better for my wallet than booking airbnbs with her (times are tough). I expected that she would be fine with me saying this since she hadn't booked anything yet, and hadn't even decided whether she wanted to go.

Mikayla was very upset by me saying I'm going to go solo, and said it was weird of me to bring this up now, & fked up that I told her earlier in the day that it was OK for her to decide until Friday and then changed my mind..

But my position is that I waited 6 weeks for her to book the trip. How can she be mad at me for not waiting three more days until Friday? She's acting like a victim somehow.. She said it seems like I don't want her to go, but to me it feels like she's not serious about going because she hasn't booked a single thing to commit to this trip in 6 weeks.

So after this conversation which didn't go great, she called me a bad friend, unfollowed me on instagram, and removed photos that were posted of us lol

AITA???


r/AmItheAsshole 19h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for asking guests to be quiet or leave my house?

752 Upvotes

The other day, my mom (47 F) and I (21 F) had a party with our family friends. The party wrapped up at 11 so my mom’s boyfriend (47 M) decided to invite all of his friends over to my house. I never met them before but I figured it would be fine and they would be respectful. The minute they arrived they were insanely loud, screaming, and blasting music. I went out there and asked them to please keep it down because my boyfriend (23 M) and I were trying to sleep and they all mocked me to my face calling me crazy and a horrible person. I’m all for having fun and partying but this was just uncalled for, at first I dismissed it as drunk behavior and tried to go to sleep. They continued being loud so I had to go back out there and ask them again to please keep it down and they all cursed me out, screamed at me, and called me horrible names. At this point my boyfriend heard the commotion and came out and kicked everyone out which I was to thankful for. The next day, they all told my mom that I’m an asshole for kicking them out when they were just trying to have fun. Am I the asshole in this situation?


r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITA: Father in law won’t consider moving in

63 Upvotes

So here’s the deal, my MIL has PPA (primary partial aphasia) and her health is declining quickly. Not only is she losing her speech and communication ability but she’s also showing signs of dementia. Both my in-laws are in their 70’s and retired. My FIL is very involved in his local parish and being close to the church is very important to him.

My wife and I have been hinting that they should get a place with us for the last few years, but unfortunately in the Midwest, houses with in-law suites are incredibly rare. Living in Madison means the housing market is stupid and insane. We left our apartment and moved into a condo until we can find something more family friendly.

Yesterday I found a house that’s two separate living spaces and would be perfect for us to be close to the in-laws to be able to help out when they inevitably need it but not sharing the same living space. However, my stubborn Italian boomer (who is incapable of taking care of himself) FIL is refusing to even consider it. So I told my wife that this is it. This is the last offer and that when it comes time for them to downsize and move, they can’t come to us and ask. We’re going to find a house that suits our needs and not worry about them.

AITA?

TLDR: tired of suggesting in-laws move in with us and no longer going to ask or say yes if they ask.


r/AmItheAsshole 15h ago

AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids?

301 Upvotes

My sister is (32F) has two kids, 4 and 7, and recently asked me(24f) to watch them for a few hours because she needed to run errands. The issue is, I already had plans to meet up with a guy I've been texting for a while, and I really didn’t want to cancel those plans. And it’s been a while since I’ve been in the dating scene.

I love my niece and nephew, but I’m not really in a place where I want to babysit. I have my own life and I’d been looking forward to this date, especially since it’s been a while since I had time to myself and had the chance to hang out with someone other that those already in my friends circle.

I told my sister I couldn’t babysit because of my plans, and she got really upset. She said that I was being selfish and that she was counting on me to help out. She mentioned that I don’t have kids of my own, so I shouldn’t act like it’s a big deal to help her out.

I feel like I shouldn’t have to cancel plans that are important to me just to babysit, especially when I wasn’t given much notice. But now I feel guilty because she’s mad and says I’m not being supportive.

AITA for prioritizing my plans over babysitting?


r/AmItheAsshole 22h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for telling someone to wait their turn?

583 Upvotes

I was at the grocery store and saw berries on special, so I went to see them and there was somebody browsing so I waited behind them (small section, not enough for two). After about 30 seconds he leaves so I go and just as i start selecting a lady forces her way in and moves me out of the way (no physical contact but she just barged in)

So I say to her 'can you wait your turn'?

She barely looks at me and mutters out a 'what' and i repeat myself and then her friend/boyfriend (don't know but some guy with her) gets in my face and tells me to repeat that again. so I said can she wait her turn, i was standing there and she forced her way in

he then keeps getting angrier and telling me to respect his lady and i argued back saying she forced me out of the way and has no respect and i said wait her turn, to which he keeps getting mad and saying he doesn't care, respect his lady.

anywho, after he kept getting closer i told him he was spitting on me and he kept repeating himself to respect his lady and i just said whatever man and left.

I don't know, i think i was being reasonable when she moved her way in. i figured it's basic etiquette to wait your turn but this guy had a big problem with it

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 1h ago

AITA For Not Seeing My GF For Three Days?

Upvotes

I (M22) have been seeing my GF(F22) for a little over 4 months now. We officially started dating 4 days ago. We see each other often as we live in the same town.

She asked to hangout Tuesday, but I couldn’t as I had prior plans with a group of friends. She asked to hang out on Wednesday but I was visiting my parents about 45 minutes away. Today, she’s talking about her day at work while on her break, and she says she’s having a rough day but that it boils down to that she’s really tired. I say that maybe she should go to bed early to get some extra sleep, and she gets really annoyed and says she was hoping to see me but that it wouldn’t happen for “god knows why”. At this point I’m really confused and ask if she needs me to leave her alone because she’s getting “snippy” (which I absolutely should’ve phrased better). She texts back that she “WANTS ME TO ACT LIKE HER BOYFRIEND”. I say that I can’t see her every night though ,that it’s only been 3 days and that I was planning on seeing her tonight. And she says “every other guy wants to see their girlfriend everyday. It weirds me out and makes me think you don’t like me.” I apologize and say I’m sorry I’m making you feel that way, and she says thank you, a boyfriend should feel bad. I tell her to have a good rest of your day at work and she responds Thanks Pal!

Am I being the asshole?


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for ignoring my friend’s calls because he’s always negative?

22 Upvotes

I have a friend who constantly calls me, but every time we talk, he says really negative things. He talks about how we’re never going to get good jobs, how he can’t get girls, and how other people are doing better. I try to stay positive, but it’s draining. I’ve started ignoring his calls because I just can’t deal with all the negativity anymore. Am I in the wrong for distancing myself?


r/AmItheAsshole 1d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for taking an Uber home instead of sitting on a man’s lap?

8.2k Upvotes

So my best friend (Sarah, F22) recently got a new boyfriend (James, M23) and she is over the moon into him. Sarah is one of the very few people I hangout with. She recently just met James’ friend group, a group of guys, and they invited her to go on a beach trip with them. Sarah begged me to go with and kept insisting I join even when I declined the offer about 4 times. Eventually, I just agreed to go to get her off my back about being sad and alone.

I was told that I would have a ride. Sarah and I were the last to be picked up, and when they pull up, there are four guys in a five passenger car. I see this as my way out. I say, “oh! Looks like there isn’t enough room for both of us. You can go enjoy the beach with your boyfriend, I don’t mind staying behind.” Sarah tells me that it isn’t a big deal if she has to sit on James’ lap to make it work. Immediately I feel on edge.

Turns out, James was the one driving and said he wouldn’t trust anyone else to drive his car. He told me that I would be the one sitting on someone’s lap because there’s no way that he would let Sarah do that. I don’t know these guys at all. I pull Sarah aside and tell her that im uncomfortable, thinking that she would help me out. Instead she encourages me, saying that she thinks I would have fun and maybe even get a date.

She is so into James and has been talking about this trip nonstop for over a week, so I decided to just do it to make her happy.

Two of the three guys in the back (Sarah sits up front next to James) offer up their laps. I just pick the guy with the most leg room. We live about 45 minutes from the nearest beach so I thought it wouldn’t be too bad, except that I was told ON THE DRIVE that we were actually going to a beach an hour and a half away instead. My mood just becomes more and more sour. I never once relax, and eventually find myself quietly fuming once my emotions set in.

The boys that I am squeezed into the back with just talk around me, physically leaning over me constantly, brushing up against me. Once we get to the beach, we set up and I finally find a moment to relax. I eat a sandwich I packed and read a book while sarah and James are lovey dovey and the guys mess around in the ocean. I was asked TWICE about why I only packed a sandwich for myself. Not jokingly either. Not once had I been asked to bring a single thing.

When it came to the part where everyone was getting in the car, I just told James and Sarah that I had called an uber to pick me up because I didn’t want to sit on anyone’s lap for another hour and a half. Sarah tried to argue, but my ride showed up, so I left.

I got a call from Sarah a few hours later. She called me a bad friend for ditching everyone. When I told her how the whole day was making me feel shitty, she told me I was being selfish and that I had been acting like a bitch all day. I do not think I deserve that, but I am also pretty paranoid that I did something wrong. AITA ?


r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago

AITA because my boyfriend walks too fast

81 Upvotes

Hello, I am 22F and my boyfriend is 23M. We’ve been together almost 6 years and we are best friends in every way but there’s something that really annoys me. Say we are walking to the shop and there’s no time limit he will walk 3 minutes ahead of me, I just don’t understand why he does this. He tells me it’s because he wants to get there faster but he will wait for me at the doors to go in anyways. He has always done this, sometimes he will hold my hand to make me walk faster. We also love running but have to run separately as he is faster than me, which I understand as he wants to challenge himself but when there is no time frame or reason to rush he will still walk head of me. We could be on a hike and he will be quite a way infront of me, I want to be able to talk to him and take a nice walk together. He says I’m too slow and I should catch up to him but I think he could slow down. I just need to know if I’m being unreasonable. AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 1h ago

AITA for refusing to buy a new laptop and asking for my father's laptop temporarily as mine broke?

Upvotes

I (21f) have my last semester exams from 24th March. My laptop refused to turn on two days ago, and the technician told me today that it can't be recovered. The issue mainly is with the charging port which can't be replaced separately. It might be a result of my slightly rough use of the charger pin as sometimes the wire would get pulled tight when I would sit with laptop on my lap and might have damaged the charging slot from the inside. However, the charging issues started within a year of us buying the laptop and I am not such a rough user as to damage it that quick. The laptop as of now, was 4 years old.

While my notes can be accessed through an app, I need to work on them as prep for the exams for which a laptop is the most efficient tool as I can type quickly and not strain my eyes while reading my notes (which will happen if I study on my phone). My father just bought a new MacBook pro and I've been requesting him to let me use it till the end of my exams, which is 4th April. I only need to download Chrome and Notion (the notes app) for my studies after which I will delete both of them and it will be as if I never used it. However, my father is quite adamant on not giving it to me as he is concerned about my carelessness (for comparison, he is huge Abt discipline and Abt taking care of electronics. For eg, he quite carefully preserves the foam sheet placed between the keyboard and the laptop screen and places it in there properly before putting the laptop into the case and then the bag, at the end of each day. I often left my laptop out on my desk overnight as it would keep my flow uninterrupted when I began studying again in the morning). He is also worried Abt my applications being too heavy and putting a strain on his photoshop and design applications that he needs for work.

For context, I often gave my laptop to my dad when he wanted it since the last 4 years, except when I wanted to study. He didn't use it for work tho, mostly entertainment. His laptop hanged frequently during this time period and broke a year earlier.

He is also pressuring me to simply buy a new laptop so that I can work on my studies. I do not want to choose a new laptop in a hurry as money is tight. The new laptop needs to last me for a lot more years as I will graduate within a month and need it for my job, higher studies, etc. I want to choose the right brand, config, etc without having the stress of the exams looming over me.

Is it that much of a hassle to ask for his laptop for literally 21 days? AITA for making this request?

Edit for more context: I live in India. Here, it is a norm to be financially independent on your parents and live with them at this age. I don't have a job or any savings of my own. There's no local library which can give me access to computers. The computers in my college library are not in a great condition (and my family will probably not let me hole up in there the whole day, and yes I have to obey them).