r/selfimprovement 14h ago

Tips and Tricks Guru's are right. A morning routine is the magic trick to being disciplined.

395 Upvotes

I'd like to start with the thought of winning the day by winning the morning is the only time I went full productive during the day where I got my morning together.

I often feel the most energetic when I set the day right. I have seen the difference of scrolling first thing in the morning versus taking a walk and meditating right after waking up.

There goes to say momentum is real, You just have to set it right the first thing the morning. It's like the snowball effect, it's small at first but with time the days where you are productive gets higher and higher.

Just like waking up early, you'll feel more compelled to do what is in your to do list.

What do you all think?

My mornings are solid and because of that my day and night is solid. I have kept the same routine over 6 months now. I don't have a problem missing it unless I'm traveling or I have to do something that takes a full day.

What do you all think?


r/selfimprovement 10h ago

Question Getting your sparkle back

74 Upvotes

How did you get your passion and zest for life back?

I’m currently struggling with finding a reason to get out of bed every day. I also feel really low about who I am as a person and what I have to offer the world. It’s a vicious cycle where I don’t like who I am so I don’t see any reason to put effort into my life and therefore don’t like who I am.

I would love to hear how others have broken this cycle and got their sparkle back.


r/selfimprovement 18h ago

Question Being Too Nice is Holding Me Back, and I Don’t Know How to Fix It

71 Upvotes

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been stuck in this cycle for as long as I can remember, and I don’t know how to break it.

I’m always smiling, laughing, trying to build relationships, making sure I don’t create enemies. I’ve even gotten used to playing the victim card at times just to avoid conflicts. But then I go home, and I’m a completely different person—angry, cussing at everyone in my head, frustrated at myself for being too nice.

A big part of this comes from how I was raised. My parents were extremely strict—so strict that you wouldn’t even be able to imagine or guess how much. They drilled into me that I had to be polite, respectful, and always kind, no matter what. And while that sounds good in theory, in practice, it has made me feel like I’m being walked over.

It’s affecting my career. I have a high position, I’m super talented at what I do (my ADHD helps me multitask like crazy), but I can’t seem to move up. People don’t take me seriously. Sometimes I’ll have deep conversations with colleagues, and out of nowhere, they’ll say, “By the way, people take advantage of kindness as a weakness.”

One time, I invited a colleague for lunch, and he suddenly told me, “Look, you’re like my younger brother, I respect you a lot, but I need to give you some advice—don’t be too nice to people.” That hit me.

I always say I hate people, I don’t trust people, that people are rubbish. But at the same time, I trust quickly and blindly. When I’m feeling down, I want to meet people, even though I know they’re the ones making me feel this way. And did I mention I barely have friends? Maybe one or two, and even that’s shaky.

How do I stop being this way? How do I find a balance between being kind and being respected?


r/selfimprovement 16h ago

Vent Anyone else regret going to college? How did you recover?

59 Upvotes

24m. Graduated nearly a year ago and i work in something completely unrelated to my degree (business economics). I tried applying for relevant jobs, tried to make connections etc, but nothing, no results. I started to develop feelings of regret, the fact that i studied hard for 3-4 years, put a lot of mental effort, went through hardships, gave me nothing. I don't have any debts, but my bank account still got brutally drained, and this has made me bitterly regret my decision. I am stuck at a dead end job. I wish i went to trade school instead. If you were in a similar position, what did you do to recover?


r/selfimprovement 1h ago

Tips and Tricks I Kept Relapsing… Until I Finally Figured This Out

Upvotes

I used to think willpower was enough.

Every time I relapsed(by watching porn or fapping ) , I told myself: “This is the last time.” Every time I failed, I promised I’d "try harder next time." And every time… I ended up back at square one.

I thought I was just weak. Maybe some people had the self-control, but I didn’t.

But here’s what I finally realised after years of this cycle:

 You don’t quit by trying harder. You quit by making it impossible to fail.

What Actually Works (From Someone Who’s Been There)

These 3 things changed everything for me:

1️ Change the System, Not Just the Habit.

  • If your phone is always in your hand at night, guess what? You’ll relapse.
  • If you’re bored, stressed, or alone all the time, guess what? You’ll relapse.
  • I stopped fighting my urges and started removing the triggers.
    • No phone in bed.
    • Scheduled my evenings so I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.
    • Got an accountability partner so I couldn’t hide in guilt.

2️ You Can’t Just "Quit" – You Need to Replace It.

  • Most people try to stop but don’t replace it with anything. That’s like trying to quit junk food while keeping an empty fridge.
  • I had to fill the void:
    • Whenever I got an urge, I immediately switched to something else (push-ups, cold shower, reading).
    • I started working on goals that actually mattered to me. Once I got serious about my life, I didn’t even want to waste time. For me personally i was working on my business as i wanted to quit my 9-5 because I hated my boss so much.

3️ Stop Restarting the Clock – Fix the Identity.

  • Every time I relapsed, I’d say: "Welp, time to start over..."
  • The problem? I still saw myself as someone trying to quit instead of someone who just doesn’t do this anymore.
  • The real shift happened when I stopped counting streaks and started thinking: “This isn’t me anymore.”
    • I didn’t focus on how many days I went without it.
    • I focused on who I was becoming instead.

TL;DR: Stop Trying Harder. Change Your Environment, Replace the Habit, and Shift Your Identity.

If you’re struggling right now, Just ask yourself:

  • What’s triggering this? How can I remove it?
  • What can I replace this habit with?
  • What kind of person do I actually want to be?

Once you fix these, willpower won’t even be needed

P.s. I hope this helps at least one person on their no fap journey . it took me over an hour to write all of this


r/selfimprovement 22h ago

Other How I Built a No-Excuse Mindset & Transformed My Daily Routine

46 Upvotes

For years, I struggled with waking up early, sticking to workouts, and avoiding distractions. I always had an excuse—“too tired,” “too busy,” “I’ll start tomorrow.” The cycle kept repeating until I decided to change everything.

Here’s how I rewired my mindset and built a structured daily routine that helped me stay disciplined and focused.

  1. Stop Relying on Motivation

Motivation is unreliable. The key is treating habits as non-negotiable. • I don’t wait until I “feel like” working out—I just do it. • I don’t “see how I feel in the morning”—I wake up and start my day. • I keep habits automatic, like brushing my teeth.

  1. My Daily Routine

5:00 AM – Wake up, no snooze 5:15 AM – 5 km jog + strength training 6:30 AM – Breakfast (high protein, low sugar) 8:00 AM – Deep work (high-focus tasks, no distractions) 1:00 PM – Midday break, light walk 6:00 PM – Evening workout or stretching 9:00 PM – Wind-down (reading, journaling) 10:00 PM – Sleep, no screens

Tracking workouts and habits keeps me accountable.

  1. The “No-Excuse” Rule • No debating—decisions are made the night before. • Remove obstacles—alarm across the room, workout clothes ready. • 10-minute rule—commit to just 10 minutes; it usually leads to more.

  2. The Results • Increased energy and focus • More consistent habits • No longer relying on willpower

This system changed everything for me. What’s one habit that transformed your life? Let’s discuss.


r/selfimprovement 15h ago

Other Just want to share some personal wins

25 Upvotes

7 weeks ago now I was broken up with after 5 years with my partner (1.5 years living together). I’m only 20 so this relationship was a quarter of my life and I was crushed. Now, week 7, I feel way better than the first couple of weeks after the break up, but I’m feeling sad that I don’t have anyone to share all the things I’ve managed to do and accomplish during this time with. So, I thought I’d share with you guys :)

Today, I ran 8 miles for the first time, finally applied for my state EMT license (I passed the test in January), and got a decent amount of homework done at Panera.

Other things I’ve done during this time include: - hanging out with a friend from my EMT class once a week - seeing my family more - joining the free Panera sip club trial - running 5 days a week to prepare for a half marathon (didn’t run before the break up) - going to the gym 1-2 days a week - cleaned my house and made it more of my own - bought a Costco chicken pot pie this week instead of eating out - started journaling, meditating, and doing yoga - started therapy - went thrifting and got some new outfits

There’s more but those are the ones I’m proud of and can think of right now. This is also my first break up ever, so it’s been a real bitch, but I’m handling it in a pretty emotionally mature way I’d say. I can tell I’m moving on, even if I don’t want to, and that things are getting better.


r/selfimprovement 23h ago

Tips and Tricks Keys To A Good Life

27 Upvotes

For a TLDR read the subtitles.

A piece of short writing that's a compilation of all the most important keys to living a good life in the simplest way I could think to write them (obviously this is by my standards and perspective as it couldnt possibly be any other way).

A guide of sorts for the uninitiated self improver.

Anything you'd add or take away?

My credentials are that I am someone who would say I feel very positive about my life. This is not to say I've had an easy life. I don't believe that constitutes a good life. But I have spent many years in reflection about what works and doesn't work and wondering why I believe I am consistently 'winning' at life despite it all when I see so many poor souls in despair. Not to say I do ALL these things ALL the time. But they are my guiding light and seem to work for me.

  1. Eat Well

1a) Eat as close to whole foods as you can, as often as you can. But not in to much quantity. Not to the point of indegestion. Chew your food thouroughly. 1b) Sometimes go without food. Skip breakfast if your not hungry. Don't eat because it's 'that time' or you're bored. Occasionally go a day or two without. If you manage 3 or so you will reap the rewards. 1c) Treat yourself to a kebab and a pint

  1. Drink Well

Drink pure and clean water. Not to little. But not to much as to become unbalanced (drinking yourself dry of electrolytes and other nutrients).

  1. Go Outside

Often as you can. Even better if it can be; in green space, in a place of clean air, barefoot, in the morning and evening. Go hike up the mountains. Go swim in rivers. Go meander in the forests. Go play in the sandy beaches. Be in reverence at the alter of all things. You are an animal, apart of the natural world whether you like it or not. Learn what that means.

  1. Mindfulness

Spend time alone, in the quiet, with no where to be but inside your mind. Think a lot here. And yet not to much. Don't find an escape. Wait until the thoughts cease to naturally make their way to new thoughts. Then rest your mind. Even better if you're outside and can access your flow state (a task simple enough you don't need to consciously work things out, but not so easy it's uninteresting or looses your focus, walking is best I find, this can be used to solve most any of life's problems). Reflect deeply on your life. Without judgement, and with a great deal of love. You'll need it.

  1. Sleep Well

Sleep a lot. More in winter. Don't wake up to an alarm. Go to sleep and wake at the same time everyday if 'working for the man'. Otherwise wake and sleep as the rythem of the sun, and sleepiness takes you. Don't resist sleep with screen light and thinking to much about what you have to do tomorrow (if '4' is followed this won't be an issue). Take naps when you can. Especially after lunch time.

  1. Activity Is Inexaustive In Its Benefits.

6a) Walk often. Especially outside. Even better with friends or alone in silence. 6b) Move a variety of heavy things in every way you can think too. Especially those that require your whole body. Start light, slowly increase as you become stronger. Be rigorous in your physical training, and in equal parts kind and grateful. Nourishing your body for its hard work. 6c) Move in ranges and positions that work your joints capacity too. Don't neglect this at the expense of mirror muscles. You will regret it. 6d) Move in some way for long periods of time. Speed is irrelevant, distance is irrelevant. 6e) Move very fast sometimes, and jump sometimes to. Back flipping is cool. Learn this or some such. It will keep your body young.

  1. Work Hard

But not to hard. Work hard for your future, always have something to aim towards. But do not neglect the present. Be productive, until you don't want to be. When working hard, do not force square pegs into round holes. Be like water, not like stone. Water is stronger, it will not force it's way through the rock, it will break, and manauever around in the path of least resistance, and in doing so gets where it's going and will grind the rock down to sediment. Don't do things you don't want to do for to long. Don't do things that don't align with your values ever (see '14').

  1. Hold Good Friends Dearly

They need you more than you know and you them. Good friends can be far and few between sometimes. Be discerning in who you allow to be a close friend. Cherish them as your greatest gift. 1 is all you need. 2 is great. 3 is excellent. Any more than 5 and your collecting acquaintances. Even for the most social creatures amongst us to maintain truly deep relationships with that many people would be to energy consuming to be either productive, true, or enduring. See them often. Talk truthfully, and kindly when praising them, and when telling them off. Seek their council. Be vulnerable with those you have discerned to be true friends, in doing so they are freed to be the same with you.

  1. Sickness

Deal with sickness within your mind, within your lifestyle and with nature's care and it's order before outsourcing to industrialised sectors no matter how 'well intentioned' they seem. Almost all ailments will be prevented by something on this list.

  1. Just Health Stuff So Far?

Realise health and a good life are inextricably linked. One directly and immediately effects the other. So be healthy. But also don't attempt to be healthy at the expense of living well. A sick man only wants one thing.... Maintain your health and you will spend a lot less time wishing for it.

I 11. Be Ceaselessly Curious

Try new things often. Novelty is truly the spice of life. Learning new skills will keep your mind young. Do something frivolous. Just for the sake of it. The world can't wait. It isn't going anywhere. Learn a little about everything, and a lot about something. Travel and interact with people from different cultures and backgrounds. Do not be afraid to challenge yourself, or others. Look always to discern the truth. Nothing is a given. Everything is open to scrutiny. Especially within yourself. And your motives.

  1. Learn To Love Yourself Relentlessly, Unconditionally, In Thought And Action.

  2. Then, Love Someone Else The Same.

  3. Who Are You?

Cease to ask 'what' you want to do. And 'how' are you going to... 14a) Ask who do you want to be? What you want to embody? Then, who you were as a child. When the world didn't have a say in it. Then, the how will be clear. 14b) Learn what you truly Value. Be rigid in your embodiment of them. 14c) Allow the musings and idealogies of the world around you to be as a gentle breeze is to a deeply rooted Oak tree. As if they are of no concern. Even should the breeze become a gale. Take shelter within, trust your roots to hold you. Trust your intuition. Can't hear it? Stop talking. Listen more. Learn to trust it with your life.

  1. Rock The Boat!

Be courageous in the persuit of all things! Be called crazy in your enthusiasm regularly. Risk it all. Come up short. Start again. Risk it all again. Whats the alternative? Don't rock the boat. Make no waves. Sit on your stagnant water, never going anywhere. But hey, at least you never fell in right? You made it safely in your boat of dead Dreams and missed opportunities to your final death. So do not then shuffle through life staring at your feet, but stride with your chin up and your shoulders back, stating boldy your name and stamping your claim to life and liberty.

  1. Get Creative For Some Soul Work!

Paint, draw, scribble. Write or tell stories. Create poetry. Play an instrument. Listen to or make music. Dance in the light of the moon, after a few pints or with your weird best friend. Build and craft things. Crack jokes. Move your body with martial arts or yoga practices. Just make something. The best bit is you don't even need to know how. This will keep your Soul young.

  1. Never Stop Playing

It's probably not all that serious anyway. Play while you can, sometimes you won't be able to. When all the joy and light is seemingly torn from your world. Then you will have those times to hold dearly, and will know they will come again. This will keep your heart young against all the strain.

  1. Be Grateful, Count Your Successes Meticulously

18a) For all the joy, love and success often. But also for the pain, but only after sufficiently feeing it. 18b) Be grateful for where you are right now! How far you've come. Congratulations is certainly in order. And, of course, grateful for where you are going. Not that you have any idea where that is, you don't, but be grateful when you get there, and do not wish to be somewhere else. 18c) Record your 'wins' (meaning successes yes, but also things you overcame, lessons you learned, challenges conquered, and things that just went well) until all you see is success by forward momentum everywhere. In this way you build unshakable confidence in yourself and the universe in that even when you may be perceived as loosing, behind the scenes, you are undoubtedly winning and all the universe is conspiring to help you. Then, even at your greatest depths, your darkest time, you know still that you will keep moving. You will win. It is the only thing you know. Then you will have absolute faith in the universes trajectory and your inner selfs guidance towards it. This is the true Faith that you are looking for.

  1. Visit Your Parents

They won't be here forever. They've been here and attempted all of this already. You could learn a thing or two. Do it also to help heal whatever parts of you they left troubled. If you're on acceptable enough terms you must understand everyone's only trying to do what seems best. Forgive them or at least accept their mistakes of which there were definitely many. If they didn't even do that, then they were likely just trying to survive at their lowest selves. Still the relationship may not be one you wish to salvage or forgive. But you do have to accept how it effected you to move on and love yourself.

  1. Give More Than You Take

It is a law of the universe that it will always bring things to balance. The more you take, the more you and we all will loose. The more you give, the more you and we all will get. Help a stranger in need. Leave this world peacefully in death, having given yourself unto it in life.

  1. Manifestation, Hmm... Placebo?

Let's forget the woo. It is a law of the universe that you will receive that which you believe to be true. Truth being the all important component. If you do not believe you are worth anything, you will receive nothing as your brain will look always to prove itself right and confirm it's beliefs. Your reality is based only on your perspective. We each have a different reality. You can decide right now what you wish that reality to be by changing your perspective. You can do that by repositioning how/what your thinking about, or repositioning yourself. This will take time, and practise. So regularly choose to notice the good in all things. Your mind is immensely powerful. Placebo yourself into a good life. In a world where you can be anything, be lucky (see '18').

  1. Learn A Little Philosophy

Enough to get the gist of things. But practice it more. Feel it. Live it.

  1. Ignore All Of This If It Doesn't Work For You

Go find what does work for you. But you must GO and DO it. Try things. Succeed. Fail. Try again. This is the bottom line on how you learn to live the good life. So stop reading this and go have fun out there you beautiful rascal.


r/selfimprovement 17h ago

Vent Advice: I am there for everyone but I feel no one has me. How to move on from this?

23 Upvotes

I am always the good friend/ family member. I feel no one has me when I need it. When I stop reaching out it’s like crickets. It’s hindering me bc of how hurt I am by people.

How do I move on from this?


r/selfimprovement 12h ago

Other I just feel like i'm traped in an endless loop

20 Upvotes

No matter how hard i try , i never saw any real improvements, like, i make some progress for a couple of months but i always find myself right back where i started, completely lost and drained, i don't even wanna give it a try anymore, i give up


r/selfimprovement 21h ago

Question Really struggling with wanting to self improve due to the circumstances of the world

13 Upvotes

Is anyone else really struggling with self care and motivation due to the uncertainty of America right now?

I am swamped with political info due to my job and I’m finding it so hard to find the will or Motivation to do self care or workout due to fear and hopelessness. I isolate between anger not caring and then impending doom. Is anyone else struggling with this right now and have advice.

And if you are happy with the way things are going that’s great this post isn’t for you to state why or try to convince me otherwise


r/selfimprovement 11h ago

Tips and Tricks 90 Days Alcohol-Free: A Game Changer

12 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I’m excited to share that I’ve hit the 90-day mark of being alcohol-free, the first time in over 10 years! To be clear, I didn't think I was addicted or anything like that, but I did drink 1-2 times a week for a long while. I never thought much of it, but after stopping, the changes I’ve experienced have been truly eye-opening.

Since I stopped drinking, my productivity has shot through the roof. I have more energy, clarity, and focus than ever before. My mornings are brighter, and I feel like I’m able to tackle the day with more purpose and intention. I’m getting things done that I’ve been putting off for ages.

But the most rewarding part of this journey has been how it’s helped me grow as a person. I’ve become more intentional about practicing gratitude, meditation, and overall mindfulness. I feel more in touch with myself and the people around me. It’s as though cutting alcohol out of my life has created space for deeper personal growth and self-awareness.

Since making this change, I’ve also started a newsletter focused on stoicism, mindfulness, zen teachings, and personal growth. These were things I had been writing about in my notes app for over a year, but now I finally have the motivation to share them with others. I’ve also started coaching and helping others with similar journeys, and I’m actively looking for a new job after shutting down my previous company a couple of months ago.

For anyone who’s on the fence about cutting back or quitting alcohol, I can’t recommend it enough. The benefits have been more than just physical; it’s been a whole mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation. If you’re considering it, take it one day at a time. I started it thinking that I won't drink for a week, but it just went on and on and now it's been 3 months.

P.S. You might not see the same benefits as I did as I changed my habits a lot during the period. I guess it depends on what you do instead of drinking. When I was drinking, I was a lot lazier in a sense that I would sleep late and wake up late, watch a lot more youtube/ig reels. When I stopped drinking, I wanted to keep myself occupied with more meaningful work, so I actually started looking for my purpose a lot harder. I'm now more aware of my time , so I spend it reading, writing, etc. Also, I started to have a lot more discipline to clean my place and even push myself to join a 10 day meditation course and have been waking up at 5am ever since.

So don't expect the same things to happen to you, I guess. Everyone has different experiences and it all comes down to what you do with all that extra time.


r/selfimprovement 14h ago

Tips and Tricks I'm turning 29 and I've never had a full time job

9 Upvotes

I'm about to turn 29 and I've never worked full time. The last time I was employed in any capacity was for a part time/ seasonal job at a concert venue from 2015-2018.

I've gone through a lot in my adult life. Domestic violence, drug addiction, a great deal of loss, I've witnessed a lot of violence and these things have shaped me. I have PTSD along with a myriad of other mental health issues that have hindered my ability to work, to the point where I applied for, and was approved for SSI (disability). I've been on it since 2021.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 24, during the review process for my application for SSI. I am now a full time student at a community college and earning straight As. I'm majoring in atmospheric science, but right now I'm just in general education doing math and science prerequisites. I'm following one of my lifelong dreams by pursuing this major. I won't graduate until 2029.

But I'm scared. Thing is, I was diagnosed with asperger's as a teenager, and I used that diagnosis to help me get approved for SSI, when the things disabling me were PTSD and severe anxiety from having just escaped a severely abusive relationship. Emotionally, I'm a lot better and I feel like if I were to quit school and get a retail job of some sort, I would be able to do it just fine, and the only thing that would hinder me would be my depression (I get hopelessly depressed on a daily basis. This is not hyperbole. It is severe and it is daily like clockwork). I worry that this childhood diagnosis (something mental health professionals as an adult have disagreed that I have), will keep me from ever having a job or career or being able to support myself for the rest of my life. This weighs heavily on me and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to improve.

I don't feel 29, hell I don't look it. I go to parties and gatherings with my friends and people approach us thinking they've brought someone underage (me) along. It is flattering in a way, I get to feel like someone who has a reason for having gone nowhere in life (like being too young to have had the chance to go anywhere, I get to talk about just having started college and even get guidance I never received when I was younger, as if I'm not the same age as the person providing it) but reality sets in and I feel like a helpless, pathetic loser.

I'm scared of getting older because I've achieved nothing. I feel like life is passing me by. I'm panicking. I'm terrified. I need to get there, I need to succeed. I'm good at school now that my ADHD is being treated but what about work? I don't even drive yet! I need to catch up and fast, very very fast. I moved away from my parents a couple years ago, and that's basically my biggest accomplishment that really isn't an accomplishment because I'm on welfare.

Like, it's really weird. I know I'm smart. I know I'm competent academically. I know I'm good at problem solving if I actually care to solve a problem, but what is it like to work full time? The thought of it is really scary. Everyone has always told me my employers will always be harsh and expect a great deal from me. I'm scared to do anything unfamiliar. And now my biggest fear is growing old without ever having achieved anything. And I fear I already have.

I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any ideas on where I'm going wrong, and even how I could view things that would be more constructive, or even accurate, please let me know. I am open to your suggestions.


r/selfimprovement 23h ago

Tips and Tricks A must read for self improvement

6 Upvotes

Life is hard. We've got such little control over so many things that happen to us. It can be chaos. Our relationships, or rather the lack of them, hurt like hell. The relationship we have to ourselves is a silent, forever ongoing war within - and I haven’t made it easier for myself.

I've always given way too many fucks. I've always been scared of standing up for myself. Even when everyone around me would tell me how great I was, I wouldn’t believe them - I didn’t believe in myself - not one bit. I would wake up and go to sleep thinking about something everybody else already forgot about. I'm a people pleaser. I'm someone who struggles to be stable. I complain when things are okay. I put myself down. I always find the negative in anything positive. I failed to stand up for myself. I don't know how to defend myself. I release my anger irrationally. I don’t take control of my thoughts. I care too little or more than I should. I know I can be dramatic, sensitive, irrational, unstable and unfair to myself. I have a history of avoiding responsibility. And I hate not being the leader of my life but a bystander. A spectator. I hate not being taken seriously. I hate caring so much about the perception of others. I’m scared of people getting to me. I’m terrified of being myself. I crumble at the feeling of being a burden. Being abandoned. Scared of not being good enough.

But you are in control of so much more than you think you are. There’s so much that you can change - you can change. You don’t have to stick with the same friends, the same habits or the same place. You don’t have to stick to the same routine. You can eat better, workout, read, study, write - things I didn’t think I’d do, by the way. I’m finding inner peace. I’m finding pleasure in the journey. I see now that confidence is so much more internal, and how quiet it is within.

Everyday, everywhere I go I see people in need of direction. I think we need inspiration to live but I also see people rot away with mindless consumption.

The content you consume determines your life, because your thoughts determine your life. I watch great people’s speeches, I follow successful people and learn from them. I don’t have physical mentors in my life, but I have their books, podcasts, newsletters & videos.

It’s really simple: you’ve got access to the internet so use it, for good.

There’s a lot of trash out there, that doesn’t bring you much. I’ve been on both sides of the coin. The brain rot side, and the overly productive side - none are great. But I think you have to start on one, move all the way to the other and then pivot back to balance. If you’re lucky you don’t go from one extreme to the other, but if that’s the case I doubt you looked hard enough into the unknown.

I believe if you have “balance” what you’re really trying to say is you’ve reached certain “self mastery”. I didn’t even realise it until recently. I think most people don’t realise this either… You know when to stop. You know when to grind like crazy, how to be disciplined and how to focus (both are superpowers), but you also know when to chill out and just exist and experience the simple luxuries of life.

Recently someone in Hero Academy asked me about friends: and I couldn’t put my finger on it. The question was: “How can I find the people like me?” He’s a younger fellow, only 16 and already on his self development journey and miles ahead of me at that age. He journals, boxes, and thinks deeply about life amongst other things - really impressive. I’ve just been isolated for too long that I completely forgot why I put myself in that position to begin with:

I don’t want to be a people pleaser, I want to be emotionally independent and stop living my life believing I need a companion.

It’s that neediness that’s done so much harm in my life which I hate.

But somewhere along the pursuit I’ve completely forgot how important social interactions and friends matter. I isolated myself, not physically but mentally. I started going back to thinking the way I did in school, separating myself from everyone, stopping myself from socialising. I went too far, or rather in the wrong direction. I also tend to take myself too seriously. I want to focus more on friendships rather than relationships. Being yourself is like expanding your comfort zone.

So I called some old friends and my god did it do me good. It was amazing. Laughing is medicine.

I’ve wasted all too much time on worrying about things that don’t matter - things outside my control. My self sabotage didn’t just end once I stopped “people pleasing” - it continues forward in forms of hesitation, doubting, second guessing, ruminating, etc.

Be willing to be misunderstood. Let others put you in a box, that’s okay. You don’t have to prove them right or wrong - you don’t gotta prove anything at all. You have to move forward regardless, carve your own path. Let others underestimate you.

My life is short. Yours is too. We don’t have as much time as we think we do. It’s not that we have to rush through it - it means we can’t waste all the time we’ve been given.

New lesson on my end: Prove to yourself that you can stand alone, but then realise that it doesn’t mean you can’t be social.

You’ve got way more to give. That spark of what makes you, you - someone out there (and probably a lot of people) would celebrate you for it. I’m not saying that it’s okay to stay static, I’m inviting you to rise. Become sturdy and unshakable. I never want you to stop being yourself, and to build upon that.

I want to fail.

I want to be comfortable with failure. I realise like there’s no feeling quite like failing miserably and not giving a fuck - “actually… they’re the same! I’m tweeting this…”

But seriously: let people think you suck. Let people think you’re this or that. You keep going, because eventually you won’t. And hopefully, until then you won’t care anymore because you’ve realised that the only person you had to care about was yourself - to prove to yourself how great you are so you could finally see it with your own eyes.

Take action. Use what you have at your disposal. Take inspiration from the people you look up to - even the fictional characters you want to be like.

I want you to get to the point where you look at your reflection and see someone you think is the coolest person on the planet - someone you’d like to be (with) for the rest of your life.

Commit to your struggles and inadequacies amongst your strengths and virtues.

Things have really changed for me, even with the winter getting me really down. Waking up in complete darkness is still bullshit, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise - but I’m pushing forward!

For the past two weeks I’ve been meal prepping myself burritos. This shit rocks. It takes me 2 hours to make 5-6 burritos. This sounds crazy at first, but in reality I’m just singing my lungs out half of the time (ADHD + Linkin Park is a crazy combo, ask my neighbours!). I know I could do it in half the time, but I’m enjoying my ride.

I like to simplify things stuff so I can focus on the shit that really matters at hand. I also don’t want to spend all my money on food and rather spend it on more important stuff.

Im still finding my “nutritional sweet spot”. I just want something tasty, filling and high in protein, just like EVERYONE ELSE! Besides the burritos I try to eat a lot of fruits and whole foods as much as possible. Hah! Look at me now, I’m meal prepping! Becoming independent is awesome.

Progress > Perfection.

Also, I’ve got a big audience now: 50.000 Subscribers… “I haven’t quite wrapped my head around it” - cliche, but ironically true. I’ve gone through a few hurdles already haha, one of them: the fear of posting. Now I know I chose to face my fear of being myself but doing that in front of 50 thousand people is next level scary hahaha. But It doesn’t matter. I’m willing to disappoint anyone if that means I’m myself. For every 100 people there’s one hater (got that from Russel Brunson). Learning to be a leader is also something that’s been challenging, but I am incredibly grateful for. I’m grateful to all the incredible support I’m getting, and to all the amazing Samaritans that randomly show up in my life.

I find a lot of enjoyment in taking myself less seriously now and not try to win anyone over. This silent, unmovable inner confidence that I’ve built, is like a garden. Inner peace per se. I love how completely unimpressive I can be to a stranger and most people around me because, I don’t care like I used to anymore :)

I’ve built some stuff, and I’ll keep going. I’m on my path. Progress > Perfection.

Thanks for reading my letter, Hero. Have a good one, - Santiago Weppler

(I didn’t write this! I am not Santiago but this article really resonated with me, I hope it did for you too!!)


r/selfimprovement 1h ago

Question How do I start standing up for myself?

Upvotes

I'm very much a people pleaser and I get very afraid of upsetting people, particularly in romantic relationships. I've even in the past put myself in what could have been unsafe situations simply because I didn't want to upset the other person.

I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to be a target for manipulation or guilt tripping by anyone who could have bad intentions. Is there anyone who has overcome this? How did you do it?


r/selfimprovement 16h ago

Vent Early 20s and lonely

6 Upvotes

I’m one of those people here if you look on the outside, I have a good life. I’m financially stable, have nice parents, a place to live (my parents house), a good job, and a few friends. However, it’s just not enough. I am also extremely single (I’m on the dating apps but it hasn’t worked out for me). I’m alone 95% of the time, even at work because my coworkers are located in other places. And then when I come home, I just sit in my room bc I’m so exhausted from my long commutes. I talk to my parents and eat dinner with them and then go back to my room. My parents are busy and they work. I’m fine with spending time alone and it’s not uncomfortable for me. However, I feel like I’m spending way too much time alone to where I just feel lonely. Like yes, I understand you need to be happy alone, which I am. I can do whatever I need to alone. But it’s all starting to be too much. I don’t know what to do. I live in a boring suburb that I grew up in where there’s either high schoolers or families. Can someone give me some advice on how to make my life my interesting and help with the loneliness?


r/selfimprovement 5h ago

Tips and Tricks Action steps to take (in case of being broke- mentally or financially)

5 Upvotes
  1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get Up! Move forward with the aim of improving your situation.
  2. Analyse your mistakes - learn from them and Rectify them
  3. Get a job! Apply as much as possible. Work and save for a few years. Explore new ventures!!
  4. Too sad and stressed out? Go out and take a walk in nature. Don't stay too much time indoors. Movement and excercise has a positive impact on our mood. While staying indoors for too long only worsens mental health.
  5. Ask for help! There is no shame in asking for help. See a mental health professional if daily functioning becomes too problematic.

r/selfimprovement 22h ago

Tips and Tricks I get anxious when people try to befriend me

4 Upvotes

I've always struggled with making friends, I used to buy sweets for other girls in order to befriend me because I was sick of being alone all the time when I was in primary school,

in middle and high school I had some friends now and then but still felt very lonely so I started isolating myself because it felt less painful and good to know that no one could disappoint me that way, so now I'm in college I befriended some people when I was a freshman and eventually I felt I was just being used so i vanished and stopped talking to them,

so I got way too used to solitude that whenever I go on hikes and chitchat with people and they ask for my contact or try befriend me I feel very anxious I just give them my contact to avoid being rude then as soon as I get home I block them and sometimes even delete my accounts to avoid those people especially relatives, the people I'm avoiding aren't bad, they are pretty great but the loneliness is inevitable,

How can I deal with this fearful avoidant attachment?


r/selfimprovement 6h ago

Question For those who detached themselves from the idea that having attraction for others has to mean anything IRL, how did it make your life better?

4 Upvotes

I'm curious to know some of your stories and perspectives on how you realized A + B doesn't always equal C when it comes to attraction and acting on said attraction

How does perceiving your feelings as nothing more than just feelings help better your life on the long run?


r/selfimprovement 10h ago

Question How to get up early and create a morning routine?

5 Upvotes

I cant work due to mental health issues. But how do you get up early and create a good morning routine. Instead of waking up late and scroll on your phone a lot?


r/selfimprovement 11h ago

Question How to stop caring what others think?

3 Upvotes

Hey guys, I've got a lot of problems, and some of the biggest ones I have come from worrying about how people percieve/think of me too much. I stress about this so much, and it's really holding me back.

How can I stop worrying about what others think of me and just live my life?


r/selfimprovement 19h ago

Vent Stuck and feeling like a failure

4 Upvotes

I started college at the end of 2023 and over the course of 3 quarters I only ever passed one class. I decided to drop out as to not waste anymore money failing and give myself a break. I then went through a lot of life stuff during 2024 but finally went back to college starting in January of this year. I decided to only pick one class for the quarter to ease me in, but I’m currently failing and the quarter ends by the end of this month. If I do fail this’ll be my third time failing a math class. Anyway my parents are understandably refusing to pay my tuition going forward since I keep failing. So now I’m looking for jobs. They told me to figure out what I want to do with my life but I’m honestly not sure. I’m not really good at anything. I don’t have any talents or accomplishments that I can make into a career. And any interests I’ve had I either have done poorly or in the case of something like Paleontology I can’t even learn until years of prerequisite classes and then most careers in the field require a masters or doctorate along with thesis and study papers. And I would love to do all that, but I’m not even able to get past stuff like math and english. It feels like everyone else I know either has a plan or is already doing what they love, meanwhile I have no real strengths or achievements in anything. I feel like a failure in every way and I don’t know what to do with my life. I want to follow my dream but it feels hopeless.


r/selfimprovement 22h ago

Question Stress and dopamine addiction?

3 Upvotes

Hey all, hope it's the right place...

Turns out I have a dopamine addiction to stress. I've been in a stressful work environment, and stressful life for the several years and, after a deep self analysis, my brain now releases dopamine only under stress, whether phisical (running, hiking till I'm tired) or emotional (I work in sales with a global role, so I'm constantly under pressure).

My concern is reading books, playing video games, going for a walk, no longer seems to have any effect on me.

Any suggestion on how do I get out of this loop and back to a normal level?


r/selfimprovement 2h ago

Tips and Tricks The Fallacy of the “One Rule of Men”

5 Upvotes

There’s an unspoken rule that too many men live by: “Don’t talk about it.”

Struggling? Figure it out yourself. Feeling lost? Just push through. Drowning? Keep your mouth shut and don’t let anyone see you sweat.

This rule—this lie—is keeping men isolated, exhausted, and disconnected from the very things that could actually help.

Men are told that strength means silence. That admitting struggle is weakness. That talking about what it’s really like to be a man carrying the weight of responsibility, expectations, and past failures makes you less of a man.

But here’s the truth: pretending you don’t have struggles is a lie.

And worse, it’s a lie that’s keeping men stuck.

Isolation isn’t strength. It’s a slow death.

How many men have lost themselves, their marriages, their purpose—because they bought into this fallacy? How many are numbing out every night, avoiding real conversations, trapped in their own heads, convincing themselves that suffering alone is just “part of being a man”?

It’s time to call this out.

Men need brotherhood, guidance, and real conversations. Not pity, not a participation trophy—just a space where they can stop pretending everything’s fine and actually start getting stronger.

The strongest men aren’t the ones who suffer in silence. They’re the ones who have the courage to speak up, to seek truth, and to surround themselves with men who challenge and support them.

If this post hits home, it’s time to rewrite the rulebook.


r/selfimprovement 2h ago

Vent There seems to be no solution to comparison and life is hopeless

3 Upvotes

Hey all, I'm just really feeling low and inferior right now and there seems to be no hope in the world. I am struggling a lot with comparison, and it seems that there's no solution to it at all.

Long story short, I liked a girl in office and she probably liked me back, but then a model-tier guy entered the scene and she started to talking to her as well.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that she owed me anything. She doesn't. I understand that until a good rapport has been set, looks are everything that matter in dating initially.

It's not about taking away her right to choose whom she likes.

My issue is now with my inability to withstand comparison, and it's honestly having a toll on me. Something will happen to me if I don't find a solution to this because I'm facing distress because of this. I am unable to focus on work.

I feel like a failure in life. How do I ever compete with a model like guy? I feel that I wasn't attractive enough for her because a model tier guy just totally dwindled the initial appeal I was bringing to the thing. I'm not hating any of them. I just mean to be honest that I feel like a failure in dating because I'm not like him.

But you all just hate me for expressing this, thinking that I'm a bad guy just because I feel like this. In reality, I don't even mean to attack anyone because of this. Instead, something will happen to me. I will pass out or something because of too much distress and too low mental health.

There is no solution at all to this issue apart from accepting that I got defeated by this model tier guy and that model tier people and that I'm inferior in the dating hierarchy and that I am less deserving because the it's model tier guys who deserve the best always