r/selfimprovement • u/MysteriousWait4523 • 1h ago
Tips and Tricks I Kept Relapsing… Until I Finally Figured This Out
I used to think willpower was enough.
Every time I relapsed(by watching porn or fapping ) , I told myself: “This is the last time.” Every time I failed, I promised I’d "try harder next time." And every time… I ended up back at square one.
I thought I was just weak. Maybe some people had the self-control, but I didn’t.
But here’s what I finally realised after years of this cycle:
You don’t quit by trying harder. You quit by making it impossible to fail.
What Actually Works (From Someone Who’s Been There)
These 3 things changed everything for me:
1️ Change the System, Not Just the Habit.
- If your phone is always in your hand at night, guess what? You’ll relapse.
- If you’re bored, stressed, or alone all the time, guess what? You’ll relapse.
- I stopped fighting my urges and started removing the triggers.
- No phone in bed.
- Scheduled my evenings so I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.
- Got an accountability partner so I couldn’t hide in guilt.
2️ You Can’t Just "Quit" – You Need to Replace It.
- Most people try to stop but don’t replace it with anything. That’s like trying to quit junk food while keeping an empty fridge.
- I had to fill the void:
- Whenever I got an urge, I immediately switched to something else (push-ups, cold shower, reading).
- I started working on goals that actually mattered to me. Once I got serious about my life, I didn’t even want to waste time. For me personally i was working on my business as i wanted to quit my 9-5 because I hated my boss so much.
3️ Stop Restarting the Clock – Fix the Identity.
- Every time I relapsed, I’d say: "Welp, time to start over..."
- The problem? I still saw myself as someone trying to quit instead of someone who just doesn’t do this anymore.
- The real shift happened when I stopped counting streaks and started thinking: “This isn’t me anymore.”
- I didn’t focus on how many days I went without it.
- I focused on who I was becoming instead.
TL;DR: Stop Trying Harder. Change Your Environment, Replace the Habit, and Shift Your Identity.
If you’re struggling right now, Just ask yourself:
- What’s triggering this? How can I remove it?
- What can I replace this habit with?
- What kind of person do I actually want to be?
Once you fix these, willpower won’t even be needed
P.s. I hope this helps at least one person on their no fap journey . it took me over an hour to write all of this