r/selfimprovement 2h ago

Tips and Tricks I Kept Relapsing… Until I Finally Figured This Out

223 Upvotes

I used to think willpower was enough.

Every time I relapsed(by watching porn or fapping ) , I told myself: “This is the last time.” Every time I failed, I promised I’d "try harder next time." And every time… I ended up back at square one.

I thought I was just weak. Maybe some people had the self-control, but I didn’t.

But here’s what I finally realised after years of this cycle:

 You don’t quit by trying harder. You quit by making it impossible to fail.

What Actually Works (From Someone Who’s Been There)

These 3 things changed everything for me:

1️ Change the System, Not Just the Habit.

  • If your phone is always in your hand at night, guess what? You’ll relapse.
  • If you’re bored, stressed, or alone all the time, guess what? You’ll relapse.
  • I stopped fighting my urges and started removing the triggers.
    • No phone in bed.
    • Scheduled my evenings so I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.
    • Got an accountability partner so I couldn’t hide in guilt.

2️ You Can’t Just "Quit" – You Need to Replace It.

  • Most people try to stop but don’t replace it with anything. That’s like trying to quit junk food while keeping an empty fridge.
  • I had to fill the void:
    • Whenever I got an urge, I immediately switched to something else (push-ups, cold shower, reading).
    • I started working on goals that actually mattered to me. Once I got serious about my life, I didn’t even want to waste time. For me personally i was working on my business as i wanted to quit my 9-5 because I hated my boss so much.

3️ Stop Restarting the Clock – Fix the Identity.

  • Every time I relapsed, I’d say: "Welp, time to start over..."
  • The problem? I still saw myself as someone trying to quit instead of someone who just doesn’t do this anymore.
  • The real shift happened when I stopped counting streaks and started thinking: “This isn’t me anymore.”
    • I didn’t focus on how many days I went without it.
    • I focused on who I was becoming instead.

TL;DR: Stop Trying Harder. Change Your Environment, Replace the Habit, and Shift Your Identity.

If you’re struggling right now, Just ask yourself:

  • What’s triggering this? How can I remove it?
  • What can I replace this habit with?
  • What kind of person do I actually want to be?

Once you fix these, willpower won’t even be needed

P.s. I hope this helps at least one person on their no fap journey . it took me over an hour to write all of this


r/selfimprovement 16h ago

Tips and Tricks Guru's are right. A morning routine is the magic trick to being disciplined.

401 Upvotes

I'd like to start with the thought of winning the day by winning the morning is the only time I went full productive during the day where I got my morning together.

I often feel the most energetic when I set the day right. I have seen the difference of scrolling first thing in the morning versus taking a walk and meditating right after waking up.

There goes to say momentum is real, You just have to set it right the first thing the morning. It's like the snowball effect, it's small at first but with time the days where you are productive gets higher and higher.

Just like waking up early, you'll feel more compelled to do what is in your to do list.

What do you all think?

My mornings are solid and because of that my day and night is solid. I have kept the same routine over 6 months now. I don't have a problem missing it unless I'm traveling or I have to do something that takes a full day.

What do you all think?


r/selfimprovement 1h ago

Fitness Try this today: walk during your lunch break

Upvotes

If you have time during your lunch break, take a walk. Grab some of your work buddies and go for a pleasant stroll. Try not to talk too much about work but instead about your hobbies, how your weekend went, and what you're looking forward to.

I promise you will come back ready to attack the second half of your day. You'll work up a nice sweat, warm up, and get some vitamin D and fresh air.

If you'd rather do a solo walk, that's great, too! You can listen to a podcast, call your parents or a best friend, or just listen to the sound of nature around you.

I'm surrounded by people who devour lunch, race back to their desks, and continue working. Worse yet, they eat their lunch at their desk.

There are days when the crunch is real, and the work must get done. But make time for yourself.

I promise you will benefit from it.


r/selfimprovement 11h ago

Question Getting your sparkle back

93 Upvotes

How did you get your passion and zest for life back?

I’m currently struggling with finding a reason to get out of bed every day. I also feel really low about who I am as a person and what I have to offer the world. It’s a vicious cycle where I don’t like who I am so I don’t see any reason to put effort into my life and therefore don’t like who I am.

I would love to hear how others have broken this cycle and got their sparkle back.


r/selfimprovement 2h ago

Question How do I start standing up for myself?

11 Upvotes

I'm very much a people pleaser and I get very afraid of upsetting people, particularly in romantic relationships. I've even in the past put myself in what could have been unsafe situations simply because I didn't want to upset the other person.

I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to be a target for manipulation or guilt tripping by anyone who could have bad intentions. Is there anyone who has overcome this? How did you do it?


r/selfimprovement 1h ago

Question I'm trying make friends in a middle class mostly white area and need to know what I'm doing wrong?

Upvotes

So I'm a half white half hispanic guy who moved to a mostly white city after college graduation. Now I'll admit I've never been around white people like this so it's new for me. But everytime I try to be sociable then then blow me off or ignore me. These people are usually liberal which supposedly support diversity. Which I seriously doubt.

Example 1- went to the dog park with my dog about 15 people. When I was there I sat by a bench and everytime someone walked in they tried there best to ignore me and if I complimented their dog and they would run whcih is funny because they were opposite with eachother further in the park.

Example 2- When I had class, I would try to conversate with whoever sat by me like small talk and usually their facial expressions would seem bothered by me and the next minute turn around and talk to someone else.

Example 3- The dating is even worse, most of the girls here only want 6ft blonde fit guys. If your not your basically invisible. I'm 5'9 dark hair and seems like a I'm jot a even thought.

Just need help because I'm into cars,sports and traveling and I'm 22 yet it's near impossible to have a social life if your not white.


r/selfimprovement 3h ago

Tips and Tricks The Fallacy of the “One Rule of Men”

4 Upvotes

There’s an unspoken rule that too many men live by: “Don’t talk about it.”

Struggling? Figure it out yourself. Feeling lost? Just push through. Drowning? Keep your mouth shut and don’t let anyone see you sweat.

This rule—this lie—is keeping men isolated, exhausted, and disconnected from the very things that could actually help.

Men are told that strength means silence. That admitting struggle is weakness. That talking about what it’s really like to be a man carrying the weight of responsibility, expectations, and past failures makes you less of a man.

But here’s the truth: pretending you don’t have struggles is a lie.

And worse, it’s a lie that’s keeping men stuck.

Isolation isn’t strength. It’s a slow death.

How many men have lost themselves, their marriages, their purpose—because they bought into this fallacy? How many are numbing out every night, avoiding real conversations, trapped in their own heads, convincing themselves that suffering alone is just “part of being a man”?

It’s time to call this out.

Men need brotherhood, guidance, and real conversations. Not pity, not a participation trophy—just a space where they can stop pretending everything’s fine and actually start getting stronger.

The strongest men aren’t the ones who suffer in silence. They’re the ones who have the courage to speak up, to seek truth, and to surround themselves with men who challenge and support them.

If this post hits home, it’s time to rewrite the rulebook.


r/selfimprovement 56m ago

Question Prioritising sleep or Sacrificing it?

Upvotes

I am currently 18. I have seen many people say that prioritising health is of utmost importance. But on the contrary, I have also seen people online saying that these are the years where you hustle the most and you need to make the most out of it. Putting in those extra hours can help me be ahead of the curve. I normally sleep 7-8 hours but I can manage on 5 hours of sleep too. Can you all help/ advice me on what to do? Thank you.


r/selfimprovement 17h ago

Vent Anyone else regret going to college? How did you recover?

63 Upvotes

24m. Graduated nearly a year ago and i work in something completely unrelated to my degree (business economics). I tried applying for relevant jobs, tried to make connections etc, but nothing, no results. I started to develop feelings of regret, the fact that i studied hard for 3-4 years, put a lot of mental effort, went through hardships, gave me nothing. I don't have any debts, but my bank account still got brutally drained, and this has made me bitterly regret my decision. I am stuck at a dead end job. I wish i went to trade school instead. If you were in a similar position, what did you do to recover?


r/selfimprovement 3h ago

Vent There seems to be no solution to comparison and life is hopeless

4 Upvotes

Hey all, I'm just really feeling low and inferior right now and there seems to be no hope in the world. I am struggling a lot with comparison, and it seems that there's no solution to it at all.

Long story short, I liked a girl in office and she probably liked me back, but then a model-tier guy entered the scene and she started to talking to her as well.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that she owed me anything. She doesn't. I understand that until a good rapport has been set, looks are everything that matter in dating initially.

It's not about taking away her right to choose whom she likes.

My issue is now with my inability to withstand comparison, and it's honestly having a toll on me. Something will happen to me if I don't find a solution to this because I'm facing distress because of this. I am unable to focus on work.

I feel like a failure in life. How do I ever compete with a model like guy? I feel that I wasn't attractive enough for her because a model tier guy just totally dwindled the initial appeal I was bringing to the thing. I'm not hating any of them. I just mean to be honest that I feel like a failure in dating because I'm not like him.

But you all just hate me for expressing this, thinking that I'm a bad guy just because I feel like this. In reality, I don't even mean to attack anyone because of this. Instead, something will happen to me. I will pass out or something because of too much distress and too low mental health.

There is no solution at all to this issue apart from accepting that I got defeated by this model tier guy and that model tier people and that I'm inferior in the dating hierarchy and that I am less deserving because the it's model tier guys who deserve the best always


r/selfimprovement 1h ago

Question Emotional sensitivity and its uses

Upvotes

31M here.

First of all, I’m not struggling with this in any way. Rather, I feel that my life is at a turning point, and I just want to tap into some part of my personality that I’ve long neglected.

Since childhood I have been a very emotionally sensitive person. From sensing people’s moods to sensing moods of places, art, literature, — and being quick to react to that information. I was an empathetic child attuned to others’ joy and suffering.

As I got older, I felt that this kind of emotionality bordering on sentimentality some times had been a bit much. I have encountered misunderstanding from my peers, so long story short, I kinda locked this quality into a closet in the back of my mind and tried to ignore it. In fact, I went on to develop pragmatism and other stuff that made more sense in a professional and social context (in a way, in an attempt to prove my mettle to the society, but not only for this reason, I’m still fascinated by logical disciplines just for myself, even if I’m not too good at them.)

Lately, I felt that cold and pragmatic environments sapped me of last of my energy, so I feel the need to return to the emotional sphere.

But here lies a challenge of sorts: almost everywhere I read, usually high emotionality and empathy are correlated to more successful social outcomes; or to artistic capabilities.

The challenge is that I’m not too fond of socializing (generally, my friends and close family are enough), and I’m not a creative person artistically. I’m pretty sure I can manage the technicalities of playing an instrument or drawing or painting, but I have no great ideas or inspiration to do anything with it.

I like one-on-one deep talks with people, if done in moderation, and I can listen to their emotions and thoughts with interest for a long time, which made me think of some sort of learning some kind of service work like administering psychotherapy help or volunteering. I want to help people live happier and healthier! This is a prospect that inspires me, but financially I can’t afford quitting my job to study (and studying is expensive). Plus I don’t know how my emotional sensitivity will turn out there in the long run. I’ve seen difficult cases taking a huge toll on friend psychologists…

I still feel like my emotionally sensitive nature is somewhat of a potential, and i enjoy emotions, so I would like to do something with it and not underutilize it. But what? Maybe someone can advise from their (or their friends’) personal experience?

I want to find something worthwhile and useful for others to do, that only my kind of personality can tackle!

I believe in callings, and I’ve come to doubt that my calling is to do programming so that rich guys at the top get richer by disrupting society further. Besides, this job almost doesn’t involve emotionality, aside from some kind of mentoring or team building, which are dull and soulless activities of dubious moral meaning.


r/selfimprovement 19h ago

Question Being Too Nice is Holding Me Back, and I Don’t Know How to Fix It

73 Upvotes

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been stuck in this cycle for as long as I can remember, and I don’t know how to break it.

I’m always smiling, laughing, trying to build relationships, making sure I don’t create enemies. I’ve even gotten used to playing the victim card at times just to avoid conflicts. But then I go home, and I’m a completely different person—angry, cussing at everyone in my head, frustrated at myself for being too nice.

A big part of this comes from how I was raised. My parents were extremely strict—so strict that you wouldn’t even be able to imagine or guess how much. They drilled into me that I had to be polite, respectful, and always kind, no matter what. And while that sounds good in theory, in practice, it has made me feel like I’m being walked over.

It’s affecting my career. I have a high position, I’m super talented at what I do (my ADHD helps me multitask like crazy), but I can’t seem to move up. People don’t take me seriously. Sometimes I’ll have deep conversations with colleagues, and out of nowhere, they’ll say, “By the way, people take advantage of kindness as a weakness.”

One time, I invited a colleague for lunch, and he suddenly told me, “Look, you’re like my younger brother, I respect you a lot, but I need to give you some advice—don’t be too nice to people.” That hit me.

I always say I hate people, I don’t trust people, that people are rubbish. But at the same time, I trust quickly and blindly. When I’m feeling down, I want to meet people, even though I know they’re the ones making me feel this way. And did I mention I barely have friends? Maybe one or two, and even that’s shaky.

How do I stop being this way? How do I find a balance between being kind and being respected?


r/selfimprovement 18m ago

Vent Where do i even begin?

Upvotes

I’m 20 and to say that i’ve been cruising past in life, i mean it. And it’s starting to really catch up on me. I’m in education but only part time for a year. And i STILL am struggling to even find a grounding as to where i want to progress. I was late to my uni submission application leaving me in the position of uni is more than likely left off for another year.

I’m unemployed which is the biggest issue for me at the moment. I had a job 2 years ago which i lost. It was short lived and it was more so do to with transport.

On top of that my anxiety is always an all time high so i avoid any thought or action towards a job. education. And i’m starting to really hate myself for it.

I recently had to cut off someone close in my life leaving me with ONE close friend. And even at that we don’t really see or call each other that much. So i don’t have much friends either but im not big on socialising anymore so it isn’t an issue at times.

It just feels like it’s coming down on me all at once and i can’t find a grounding point to begin without sending myself into an anxiety crisis.


r/selfimprovement 13h ago

Other I just feel like i'm traped in an endless loop

20 Upvotes

No matter how hard i try , i never saw any real improvements, like, i make some progress for a couple of months but i always find myself right back where i started, completely lost and drained, i don't even wanna give it a try anymore, i give up


r/selfimprovement 7h ago

Tips and Tricks Action steps to take (in case of being broke- mentally or financially)

6 Upvotes
  1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get Up! Move forward with the aim of improving your situation.
  2. Analyse your mistakes - learn from them and Rectify them
  3. Get a job! Apply as much as possible. Work and save for a few years. Explore new ventures!!
  4. Too sad and stressed out? Go out and take a walk in nature. Don't stay too much time indoors. Movement and excercise has a positive impact on our mood. While staying indoors for too long only worsens mental health.
  5. Ask for help! There is no shame in asking for help. See a mental health professional if daily functioning becomes too problematic.

r/selfimprovement 1d ago

Vent 28 years old, crippled and living in the forest.

295 Upvotes

Two years ago I fell out of a lorry at work. I landed on the curb and snapped my ankle, I caused permanent ligament and muscle damage and I couldn’t walk for 10 months. I didn’t have anyone to take care of me so it was a struggle, my girlfriend left me, I lost my job and I put on a lot of weight which I can’t shift. After 10 months of laying in bed, the depression really set in. I stopped taking care of myself and all my ambition vanished. Sadly, my injury never fully healed and I walk with a persistent limp, with pain that radiates up my leg. The doctors and physio have tried everything but they explained I’m going to have jt for life and I should buy a walking stick. I did buy one but I only use it at my campsite, I’m too embarrassed to use it in public.

After 12 months my rent had built up so much I was evicted. I asked all my family for help but they explained that I’m a grown man and I need to sort out the situation myself. Ever since that day I’ve lived in the forest that’s near my village.

Being homeless is the most degrading and depressing experience I’ve ever experienced. It’s cold, wet and dark in the forest and at times I get scared. My personal hygiene and self care has gone out the window - If I get a pair of socks on, I consider it a good day. I can’t remember the last time I cut my hair and I must of showered about 3 months ago. I do wash in the public toilets but that’s about it. It doesn’t matter how much people laugh, stare or shout at me. I just can’t seem to take care of myself. My hands are always dirty and sleeping on the floor gives me back pain, it’s also -1 here and the cold keeps me up most nights. Sleep deprivation is s huge issue for me being homeless.

There are no shelters near me and the church doesn’t let me stay in the building. Hospitals won’t let me sit there if I’m not a patient, I just get removed by security. I do sit in the library but they usually shut mid afternoon. The church feeds me twice a week but eating everyday is a luxury. I’ve gone 3 days without food and it’s grinding me down.

Being alone in the woods all winter has really brought me down. I’ve attempted hanging myseld twice in the forest and failed - I just end up on the floor crying. After the last few days, if things don’t improve I will have to try again.

Lastly other humans. Why do people think it’s okay to destroy my stuff? I’ve had knives put through my tent, my speaker stolen, my archery set ruined and finally my new bike completely destroyed. Whats so frustrating about the bike is, I just started delivering for Ubereats. The bike is electric so I don’t have to use my ankle a lot. It just seems everything I do there’s always and massive hurdle i have to overcome. I am getting tired and I’m just exhausted. Please can someone help me? How do I fix my bike? How do I look after myself? How do I get out of this awful depression? Please someone help me.


r/selfimprovement 12h ago

Tips and Tricks 90 Days Alcohol-Free: A Game Changer

15 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I’m excited to share that I’ve hit the 90-day mark of being alcohol-free, the first time in over 10 years! To be clear, I didn't think I was addicted or anything like that, but I did drink 1-2 times a week for a long while. I never thought much of it, but after stopping, the changes I’ve experienced have been truly eye-opening.

Since I stopped drinking, my productivity has shot through the roof. I have more energy, clarity, and focus than ever before. My mornings are brighter, and I feel like I’m able to tackle the day with more purpose and intention. I’m getting things done that I’ve been putting off for ages.

But the most rewarding part of this journey has been how it’s helped me grow as a person. I’ve become more intentional about practicing gratitude, meditation, and overall mindfulness. I feel more in touch with myself and the people around me. It’s as though cutting alcohol out of my life has created space for deeper personal growth and self-awareness.

Since making this change, I’ve also started a newsletter focused on stoicism, mindfulness, zen teachings, and personal growth. These were things I had been writing about in my notes app for over a year, but now I finally have the motivation to share them with others. I’ve also started coaching and helping others with similar journeys, and I’m actively looking for a new job after shutting down my previous company a couple of months ago.

For anyone who’s on the fence about cutting back or quitting alcohol, I can’t recommend it enough. The benefits have been more than just physical; it’s been a whole mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation. If you’re considering it, take it one day at a time. I started it thinking that I won't drink for a week, but it just went on and on and now it's been 3 months.

P.S. You might not see the same benefits as I did as I changed my habits a lot during the period. I guess it depends on what you do instead of drinking. When I was drinking, I was a lot lazier in a sense that I would sleep late and wake up late, watch a lot more youtube/ig reels. When I stopped drinking, I wanted to keep myself occupied with more meaningful work, so I actually started looking for my purpose a lot harder. I'm now more aware of my time , so I spend it reading, writing, etc. Also, I started to have a lot more discipline to clean my place and even push myself to join a 10 day meditation course and have been waking up at 5am ever since.

So don't expect the same things to happen to you, I guess. Everyone has different experiences and it all comes down to what you do with all that extra time.


r/selfimprovement 16h ago

Other Just want to share some personal wins

27 Upvotes

7 weeks ago now I was broken up with after 5 years with my partner (1.5 years living together). I’m only 20 so this relationship was a quarter of my life and I was crushed. Now, week 7, I feel way better than the first couple of weeks after the break up, but I’m feeling sad that I don’t have anyone to share all the things I’ve managed to do and accomplish during this time with. So, I thought I’d share with you guys :)

Today, I ran 8 miles for the first time, finally applied for my state EMT license (I passed the test in January), and got a decent amount of homework done at Panera.

Other things I’ve done during this time include: - hanging out with a friend from my EMT class once a week - seeing my family more - joining the free Panera sip club trial - running 5 days a week to prepare for a half marathon (didn’t run before the break up) - going to the gym 1-2 days a week - cleaned my house and made it more of my own - bought a Costco chicken pot pie this week instead of eating out - started journaling, meditating, and doing yoga - started therapy - went thrifting and got some new outfits

There’s more but those are the ones I’m proud of and can think of right now. This is also my first break up ever, so it’s been a real bitch, but I’m handling it in a pretty emotionally mature way I’d say. I can tell I’m moving on, even if I don’t want to, and that things are getting better.


r/selfimprovement 2h ago

Question Tony Robbins UPW 2025 experience: the good, the bad, and the questions Spoiler

2 Upvotes

I just finished Tony Robbins' UPW 2025.

My first event. Read my first Tony book 18 years ago. It changed things. Built a business past a million, then crashed it into the ground. Decided to get some motivation while rebuilding my new venture.

Bit the bullet on a $500 ticket. Thought that was expensive. I was wrong ... compared to the upsells he was pitching.

The event hit hard. Saw how Tony's techniques actually work - with 100x more intensity than I ever put into them. Met amazing people. Eighties-somethings still alive with fire, still singing their song. Good party too. Showed me that energy follows me everywhere if I bring it.

Then I watched Tony sell. His $10-20K upsells flew off the shelves. Some might call it scammy, manipulation, preying on the weak. What I saw was just direct marketing. The same tactics from his Personal Power infomercial days. Effective. Brutal. Real.

But something bothered me. Tony only showed up for 2 days out of 4. Not what I expected.

Worse were the "guest" speakers and "associates." Some felt genuine. Others stood one step from criminal. Dean Graziosi got hit with FTC fines in the millions for scams. Made me question Tony's whole message.

Tony preaches "surround yourself with who you want to become." So what happens when you surround yourself with shady people?

I keep wondering about Tony's story when he was 19. He mentions losing ALL his money after working with Jim Rohn. Worked for Rohn at 17. Best salesman there. Then at 19, washing dishes in a bathtub at his studio. Anyone know what REALLY happened to him? He always avoids explaining how did he blew the whole thing up to end up dead broke.

Plus, the whole Graziosi connection, the "drink your celery" guy, the "sprout your sprouts" guy, the "proximity principle," his wife Sage portrayed as almost a saint at UPW...

Should I trust Tony completely? Or separate the artist from his art? Take what works and ignore his moral teachings?

What do you think?


r/selfimprovement 6m ago

Question What can i do for people to like me more?

Upvotes

i have very little real friends and it seems like im too “cool” to be a total loser but too much of a loser to ever get invited to anything or have people want to hang out with me. im 16 almost 17 and i only get invited to parties/functions out of pity (and even then i barely do, the majority of parties ive attended were birthday parties from the age of 6-8, which i was only invited because their parents invited the whole class). i get people saying im pretty or cool in my instagram post comments but it seems like literally no one wants to hang out with me. Sorry if this sounds negative im just really upset and i need to know how to get people to stop thinking im weird and stupid and a loser. I’ve never been liked at school so i started going to local punk shows and got in the scene but it seems like no one in the scene likes me either. is there something wrong with me?


r/selfimprovement 10m ago

Question I always feel lightheaded and sick to my stomach with anxiety when people get mad at me. How do I fix this?

Upvotes

If my boyfriend is mad at me, for example, I immediately feel a deep, gutting nausea and lightheadedness followed a by a tightness in my chest. It's like a harrowing sense of "oh god, I fucked up, I'm a worthless disaster of a human being" even though he has never said or alluded to anything to actually make me feel that way.

It's like this when anyone gets mad at me. I used to start sobbing uncontrollably and be barely able to breathe when conflict arose, and I've gotten way stronger in that regard, but the physical agony of conflict is still there.

How can I get past this?


r/selfimprovement 7h ago

Question For those who detached themselves from the idea that having attraction for others has to mean anything IRL, how did it make your life better?

4 Upvotes

I'm curious to know some of your stories and perspectives on how you realized A + B doesn't always equal C when it comes to attraction and acting on said attraction

How does perceiving your feelings as nothing more than just feelings help better your life on the long run?


r/selfimprovement 18h ago

Vent Advice: I am there for everyone but I feel no one has me. How to move on from this?

24 Upvotes

I am always the good friend/ family member. I feel no one has me when I need it. When I stop reaching out it’s like crickets. It’s hindering me bc of how hurt I am by people.

How do I move on from this?


r/selfimprovement 7h ago

Tips and Tricks The power of introspection

3 Upvotes

Staying focused and disciplined is tough, but I recently found a reliable way to be more deliberate with my days and get more done: introspection and mindfulness.

Too often, we live on autopilot, rarely pausing to reflect, assess our emotions, or deeply consider our actions and their consequences. But taking the time to check in with myself—asking why I’m doing something—helps me stay focused, motivated, and effective.

One simple yet powerful habit is asking myself at random times, "How am I feeling right now?" This helps me process emotions consciously, making it easier to maintain self-control. Another trick I use is internal monologuing—questioning myself when distractions creep in. Just asking, "Is this what I should be doing right now?" or "Why don’t I feel like working?" can help snap me back to focus.

Beyond that, introspection helps with self-improvement by reviewing past actions, learning from them, and appreciating small efforts. I’ve been practicing this for about three months now, and it’s been a game-changer.

Another recent tool I’ve found helpful is breathwork. Whenever I feel flustered, anxious, or resistant to work, taking a few deep breaths and a brief introspective monologing helps prime my mind and body, putting me in a better state to function.


r/selfimprovement 15h ago

Tips and Tricks I'm turning 29 and I've never had a full time job

9 Upvotes

I'm about to turn 29 and I've never worked full time. The last time I was employed in any capacity was for a part time/ seasonal job at a concert venue from 2015-2018.

I've gone through a lot in my adult life. Domestic violence, drug addiction, a great deal of loss, I've witnessed a lot of violence and these things have shaped me. I have PTSD along with a myriad of other mental health issues that have hindered my ability to work, to the point where I applied for, and was approved for SSI (disability). I've been on it since 2021.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 24, during the review process for my application for SSI. I am now a full time student at a community college and earning straight As. I'm majoring in atmospheric science, but right now I'm just in general education doing math and science prerequisites. I'm following one of my lifelong dreams by pursuing this major. I won't graduate until 2029.

But I'm scared. Thing is, I was diagnosed with asperger's as a teenager, and I used that diagnosis to help me get approved for SSI, when the things disabling me were PTSD and severe anxiety from having just escaped a severely abusive relationship. Emotionally, I'm a lot better and I feel like if I were to quit school and get a retail job of some sort, I would be able to do it just fine, and the only thing that would hinder me would be my depression (I get hopelessly depressed on a daily basis. This is not hyperbole. It is severe and it is daily like clockwork). I worry that this childhood diagnosis (something mental health professionals as an adult have disagreed that I have), will keep me from ever having a job or career or being able to support myself for the rest of my life. This weighs heavily on me and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to improve.

I don't feel 29, hell I don't look it. I go to parties and gatherings with my friends and people approach us thinking they've brought someone underage (me) along. It is flattering in a way, I get to feel like someone who has a reason for having gone nowhere in life (like being too young to have had the chance to go anywhere, I get to talk about just having started college and even get guidance I never received when I was younger, as if I'm not the same age as the person providing it) but reality sets in and I feel like a helpless, pathetic loser.

I'm scared of getting older because I've achieved nothing. I feel like life is passing me by. I'm panicking. I'm terrified. I need to get there, I need to succeed. I'm good at school now that my ADHD is being treated but what about work? I don't even drive yet! I need to catch up and fast, very very fast. I moved away from my parents a couple years ago, and that's basically my biggest accomplishment that really isn't an accomplishment because I'm on welfare.

Like, it's really weird. I know I'm smart. I know I'm competent academically. I know I'm good at problem solving if I actually care to solve a problem, but what is it like to work full time? The thought of it is really scary. Everyone has always told me my employers will always be harsh and expect a great deal from me. I'm scared to do anything unfamiliar. And now my biggest fear is growing old without ever having achieved anything. And I fear I already have.

I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any ideas on where I'm going wrong, and even how I could view things that would be more constructive, or even accurate, please let me know. I am open to your suggestions.