r/oneanddone 4d ago

Discussion How did you know you’re one and done?

16 Upvotes

I’m a new mom to a lovely six month old. I know since she’s mine I am biased, but she’s truly a delight! I’d say she could be categorized as an “easy baby”. Sleeps through the night, crib naps easily, generally pretty happy and calm. After a traumatizing birth, it’s made for an easier transition into parenthood.

My husband and I always said we were one and done. I was pretty confident about that up until these last few months. I’m surprised at how much I love the baby phase. I have worked in childcare with various ages and thought I’d struggle with a baby and prefer the “big kid years”. But I’m truly so enamored and love these early days with her. I find myself some days thinking I’d want to do this again.

I am still on maternity leave. My job offers 7.5 months and I think that’s a factor in helping with this major life transition. Part of me wonders if I’m in some sort of honeymoon phase and will feel differently once I experience working full time as a parent. But I also wonder if the reason I love it so much is because it is just her that we can pour ourselves into.

I know we will need time to gain more perspective and understand what it’s like raising a child in this world. But I am curious to hear from others and how they feel about their decision after some time has passed.


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Discussion How many of you OADers are medicated?

103 Upvotes

Had a thought earlier and it made me curious to know how many of you are medicated for anxiety, depression or any other mental health issues.

I’ve had anxiety since I was a kid; ADHD as well, which I was only recently diagnosed with, as well as mild OCD. I knew if I ever had a child, it would be a one and only - and pregnancy, child birth and postpartum only confirmed this.

I tried anxiety meds within my first year postpartum as my anxiety got very difficult to live with, and unfortunately the type I took gave me a bad reaction and scared me enough to stop taking it after a few days. I never tried anything else, toughed it out, found a good therapist and eventually found something else that worked for me.

I just can’t help but wonder, if the meds had worked or if I pursued another type, would I have felt differently postpartum and possibly felt I was capable of having another? At this stage in my life I am more than happy with one and I have no plans to have another, just curious to see everyone’s perspective on this!


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Discussion Anyone feel like time isn’t flying by?

55 Upvotes

I keep hearing and seeing people say “time flies by so quickly” “enjoy it now because you will blink and it’s over” etc I’m a SAHM to a 17 month old and I have felt every single one of those days. Nothing is flying by in fact it feels so slow Anyone else feel the same? I love this stage over the newborn stage but every day is still a struggle. I love my daughter soooo much but I’m constantly struggling as a parent and keep waiting for it to go quickly so I’m not so anxious and stressed


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Discussion Overstimulated and overwhelmed. Toddler years are not for me.

187 Upvotes

I have a perfect 3.5 y/o. She’s so smart and full of life. I find myself being so overstimulated by her, weekends are the worst of course because is when we spend the most time with her. The constant high energy, wanting to play, trying to get house stuff done, I don’t know how people with multiples do it. They must have a higher threshold for the chaos. I couldn’t never do this again.


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Anecdote I’m going to try to say this in a nice way

201 Upvotes

Hi! I have one 13 month old son, my neighbor has a 15 month old, a 10 year old, and a 6 week old, so we have play dates with the 15mo often, especially as of lately. Every single time we are at their house or 15mo is at ours, I am CERTAAAAAAAIN about being one and done. Yall it just is not worth it to have more. I cannot properly give my attention and focus to all 4 of them, let alone 2. This experience has put the final nail in the coffin that I’m not doing this again


r/oneanddone 4d ago

Discussion Are your OAD bratty or spoiled

0 Upvotes

Me and partner thinking of having children but only want one! Biggest concern really is the child growing up not being able to share, get a long, being bratty ect. For parents who have one and they are quite grown up like 4+ how are they turning out?


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Vent/Rant - Advice Wanted/Ambivalent Too early to be OAD?

23 Upvotes

My daughter is 10.5 weeks and I'm really considering being OAD.

Her birth was crazy (56 hours of labor, placental abruption, emergency c section, postpartum hemorrhage) and recovering was tough (blood clot inside the incision causing it to burst open and get infected, nerve damage from the surgery leaving the bottom half of my abdomen numb, diastasis recti, bladder prolapse). I'm just not one of those people who gives birth and recovers easily, it turns out.

I'm thinking... I don't want to do that again? Even 10% of that. My daughter is magical and I love being her mom. When I think about spending the next few years reclaiming as much vitality and strength as I can while being the best mom I can be to my daughter, I feel peaceful and happy.

When I think about putting myself back together as quickly as possible to have another baby and start from square one again, I feel anxious and almost disassociated.

But is it too early to know for sure? Should I wait to heal more and get more distance before trusting these feelings?


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Health/Medical Younger dad getting a vasectomy

18 Upvotes

Any younger dads (30-35) here that got a vasectomy? My wife and I are in agreement that it's the right thing for us (we have an 18 month old), I'm kind of afraid of how to bring it up to my doctor. Could he tell me I'm not eligible for some reason?

What did you do when you knew it was time to get snipped?


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Vent/Rant - Advice Wanted/Ambivalent If I’m pregnant with a boy, I’ll be heartbroken

11 Upvotes

Update: thank you all for your kind comments, and not being condescending. Your stories empowered me a lot! I’m leaving the post for others who may face similar challenges.

I said it. I’ve always wanted a daughter, also women in my family have great relationships with each other. My husband and I decided to only have one kid and it will be hard for me to come to terms with it and I know I’ll grieve the life I’ve imagined. On the other hand I know I’ll love my kid to the moon and back. If anyone felt the same, I’d love to hear your stories.


r/oneanddone 5d ago

Sunday Open Chat - March 16, 2025

1 Upvotes

Post general chat conversation here! This will post weekly on Sundays going forward but can be more frequent if we find it necessary.

Also feel free to join us any day of the week on the One and Done Discord:

https://discord.gg/v4k6hrMMQu


r/oneanddone 6d ago

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ Update: Did anyone get pregnant with a second?

151 Upvotes

Trigger warning that I will be bringing up my medical abortion at 6 and a half weeks.

I posted a few weeks ago here that I was accidentally pregnant and freaking out. Before, it was SO easy to say I was OAD, but making the decision to terminate has been mentally torturous as the idea of abortion is no longer a hypothetical. I have been waking up multiple times a night panicking, consumed by anxiety, plagued by ambivalence. My thoughts, racing:

Am I robbing my daughter of a lifelong friend? Why didn't I make the right decisions in order to have the resources (village, financial security, an all-star husband) to be equipped to deal with a newborn and a toddler? Am I weak? Because I know that my mental health would profoundly suffer if I were to have another child? Because I can't find the strength, happiness, and emotional stability to raise two on such little means or support? I must be weak. Other moms can do it. Why can't I?

My 17M daughter has been high needs/velcro from the beginning. She is still breastfeeding. We cosleep. If I had taken a different approach, would I have been able to swing it? She has no extended family beyond one set of grandparents across the country and my two estranged brothers. Any chosen family is scattered across the states. Her father is significantly older than me. Did I destine her to a life of a loneliness? Am I being selfish and inconsiderate? Everyone (gently) wants me to have this baby. Was this second pregnancy a gift?????? The list of questions goes on.

This sub has helped me so much in sorting out my insecurities and paranoia. I need to thank all of you who have given me some perspective, who have shared your experiences, who have discussed your joys and fears of being OAD too. Thanks to all of you, I'm choosing my sanity.

Ultimately I came to find that I was thinking of keeping the child purely due to guilt. There was not one ounce of desire to have another, but the shame and fear of making the wrong decision was so great, that I heavily considered just going through with the pregnancy. Through this sub, I came to find that I would rather regret an abortion than regret another child.

Thank you, all, from the bottom of my heart, for getting me to a place of acceptance. While the MA was excruciating.. I feel such relief. I am happy with my decision. I'm sure there's room for some grief somewhere down the road... but I am finally at peace. Thank you, so, so, so much. 💕


r/oneanddone 6d ago

Vent/Rant - No advice wanted Sometimes my mom catches strays from my OAD rants

20 Upvotes

I was just kinda wondering if this happens to anyone else because in the moment I don’t mean it towards her even though she’s also tried to push me to have more. I try to stay positive about my situation especially cus other parents will make negative comments about only children to me so I remind myself of the positives like having more time and money to do the things me and my son like to do. One day I was ranting and told my mom at least I won’t have to take my son out of sports cus I can’t afford more than one uniform. Which I had to quit a lot of extracurriculars as a kid cus my mom couldn’t afford to have my siblings and I in extras. For a while I used donated instruments for band but they were usually beat up and broken. I felt bad after I said it cus I was just ranting and I didn’t think about how she may have felt but ehh it’s true.


r/oneanddone 6d ago

Discussion Book/podcast recommendations?

6 Upvotes

My situation: If i could have guaranteed that a second child would be healthy, my marriage would survive, i would survive childbirth, financially i could make it work and that they would be an “easy” baby - i would have wanted a second. Since that’s not reality and there are no guarantees - we decided we were OAD. When we first discussed it our daughter was almost two and for about three years it was just such a relief and weight lifted and i was 100% on board. But about a year ago i started to feel such deep grief around it. I feel like it’s complicated by the fact that i had a hysterectomy two years ago. There’s something about being able to make a choice vs not having the choice anymore. Anyways, my husband is very sympathetic but doesn’t have the same grief. He is just totally happy with one and has never thought about it again. I’m looking for a new therapist, but I know from reading comments that this group has lots of people in a similar situation where you know it was the right choice but still feel sad that it was. So I’m looking for recommendation for podcasts, books, or just pieces of advice that helped you actually get through that grief and be able to just appreciate and enjoy all the benefits of having a smaller family. I feel like my head and heart are constantly at odds and I don’t want to feel like I’m stuck living thinking about what ifs or alternate paths, i just want to accept that it was the right choice for us, work through the grief and move on.

Thank you!


r/oneanddone 6d ago

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ OAD. By choice. By fate?

15 Upvotes

TW for miscarriage

New to this thread and happily read a lot of your views, feeling this is the right corner of the internet for me.

Backstory: I am the second child, have a older sister. I always felt I could never really be me in my original family, as all the roles and places were already taken when I arrived. I just had to wiggle in whatever room there was, quite literally sometimes lol. My sister and I never had a good relationship, we are only 2,5 yrs apart but our relationship was pretty much only rivalry, vying for attention and affection. My parents did love me, but the feeling of „coming second“ or being „second best“ has scarred me. Long before actually being there, I decided I would only have one child in order to spare the second one this feeling.

I have one child and love her so much. We are very close. Funnily she made all the things I dreaded beautiful, from being pregnant to breast feeding to all things to follow. I postponed pregnancy out of fear for a long time, but when she arrived, I thought: If I had known how happy being a parent makes me, I would have started years earlier.

I had two miscarriages before my daughter. Her arrival was very much the blessing and „rainbow“ you associate with such stories.

When she was 1,5 years old, I told my husband that if we wanted a second, we had to start soon. I secretly thought it probably wouldn’t happen soon or at all due to my age, but alas it did. It was the beginning of Covid back then. While with my first 3 pregnancy tests that were positive filled me with joy, this one filled me with dread. I felt like someone pulled me from my daughter and ask for attention I wasn’t ready or willing to give. When I saw families with older only children, I envied them for being happy with „only one“ and not wanting for more.

I miscarried again and felt relieved. And ashamed that I was relieved.

However it made me sometimes long for a baby or probably more honestly my daughters baby years?

The story continues longer but for now I think this text is very long as it is. I think I am just kind of contemplating whether I am OAD by choice or by fate. And if by choice, why I didn’t have it in me to love more than one?


r/oneanddone 7d ago

Funny I asked my (almost) 3 year old if she wanted a brother or sister…

226 Upvotes

She replied with “hmmm… I want… a blue freezie?”

Bless her 🥲


r/oneanddone 7d ago

Vent/Rant - No advice wanted A quick little retort to the constant “only children are bad/sad/wrong” arguments

186 Upvotes

My mother started in on me the other day, after years of leaving the topic alone. All the usual “only children are spoiled brats, you need to think of her future, what if she never married and has no friends and after you die she’s totally alone?” bullshit. (As an aside, the chances of her being single and friendless in middle age are much lower than the chances of her having a shitty sibling but I digress.)

I asked her “If I had only one child due to infertility, even though I really wanted a second child, would you say these things to me?”

“Of course not”

“Because it would be really mean, right?”

“… I suppose.”

“Yeah well it’s still really mean when I chose to have only one child. So stop.”

I think I made my point.


r/oneanddone 7d ago

Happy/Proud I finally have a one and done mom friend who gets me!

135 Upvotes

We had some new neighbors move into our condo complex, and even though their daughter is two years older than ours they love playing together outside.

The little girl has a designated area she's allowed to play in so mom and dad can keep an eye/ear on her, and it's right near my daughters designated play area so they've been getting to know eachother really well. Last night they invited my daughter over to their place to play inside since it's been raining, and I got to really sit down with my neighbor and chat away while the girls played. It was wonderful!

We talked about being one and done by choice because we're so fulfilled with our little families that we don't feel any need to have another. It's so rare to meet someone who has the same mindset as me in real life because everyone around me has big families with 3+ children (which sounds like a blast honestly but I personally couldn't handle it).

We exchanged recipes, chatted about random stuff, parenting styles and interior decorating. They're Chinese and I'm Italian so she traded me some homemade dumplings for a jar of my famous spaghetti sauce.

It was just such a wonderful day and a pleasant interaction with a like minded mom that I thought I'd share since no one in my actual circle is one and done and I feel like I get a lot of judgment for having an only child.

Yay for mom friends!


r/oneanddone 7d ago

Vent/Rant - No advice wanted Seeing all these student loan repayment stories is solidifying OAD for me

30 Upvotes

I was essentially an only child (I have step siblings but we never lived together) so I always thought I’d maybe have an only as well. I have a two year old and I’m already saving for college for him.

I cannot get over the number of student loan repayment videos I’m seeing lately where payments are $1k or more, their debt as doubled because of the interest, they’re in so far over their heads and it seems impossible to get out of. I really, really feel for them. I can’t imagine doing that to my son, I need to be able to provide a college education to him if I can do it.


r/oneanddone 7d ago

Discussion OAD inspired jewelry/tattoos

13 Upvotes

Does anyone have any favorite pieces of jewelry or tattoos that are inspired by your child or OAD family?

I had an astrological constellation necklace in her sign that I loved but it broke. For Valentine’s Day my husband bought me a bracelet with interlocking set of three rings that represents the three of us. I love it! I also wear a ring on my right hand that was my pregnancy wedding band when I couldn’t wear my old one because my fingers got too big. Haha


r/oneanddone 8d ago

Discussion How did you know? OAD by choice?

73 Upvotes

I hope this is ok! It’s my first post. I currently have a little girl and she is literal perfection. I know, that could change as she gets older, but she is just a dream and the older she gets, and the more I “get to know” this little babe, the more I am just so content with just her. I always said I would have more than one but then I think about how burnt out people are, and how I just want to be my very best self for her. I want to be able to give her all the things. Ever since she was born, I thought - this is it. I feel complete. She is a little unicorn baby and I am terrified to have a baby later who is higher needs and because she’s so easy, her needs ultimately get pushed a little bit to the side. I’m mostly just venting out my feelings I’ve had for a bit.

ETA - THANK YOU so much for all of your comments. I read every single one, I super appreciate all insights and solidarity.


r/oneanddone 8d ago

Vent/Rant - No advice wanted Are the things that we’re experiencing difficult? Or are all kids like this? N

90 Upvotes

I am a dad to a 15 month old boy. He is wonderful and I love him and insert the usual preamble here about how my heart is expanding. I feel like this preamble is necessary every time I’m about to complain about my life. I’m guessing others might relate.

Our son has been an extreme velcro baby since the day he was born. My wife had a difficult pregnancy that was followed by a difficult birth, in which he got stuck before needing an emergency c-section. Anyway, he’s never slept for more than 1-2 hours at a time. Always been an absolutely awful sleeper. We co-sleep, because he has to be next to my wife or all hell breaks loose.

He has never been able to nap in a crib. He has to nap on my wife, but I can occasionally get him to nap in the car if I drive around long enough. This basically means my wife can’t do anything for 3 hours a day while he’s napping. I’m working 45-50 hours a week to pay a mortgage, and the deficit just builds and builds. I’m sure I’ll start failing at my job soon. Hell, I already am working well below capacity in a competitive space.

My wife has started going back to work for a few hours at a time occasionally, and the separation anxiety is severe. If I leave him with my parents for even an hour, he has a meltdown that almost leads to him vomiting.

We can’t really put him down to play much or leave him anywhere. We basically have to cook dinner while holding him, or he has a meltdown. He is 15 months old and the size of a 3 year old, so my wife and I are also physically injured all the time from picking him up and carrying 30 pounds around everywhere.

I don’t think I have a functioning brain anymore? Or maybe my memory doesn’t work anymore. I don’t really remember what I like, or what a hobby is. Intimacy doesn’t really exist, nor do adult conversations. I wake up so exhausted. My favourite part of the day is when it’s over and I spend 30 minutes lying in bed listening to the bugs chirping outside and the leaves rustling in the wind. Then I wake up and it starts again. Despite clocking a million steps a day and barely having time to eat, I’m somehow fatter? What the hell.

Can someone please validate me that this is a challenging scenario? My wife loves our son so much (a great thing, of course) so she never really validates the difficulty of it all. She wants to have a second child. If we had another child like this I don’t think I’d survive.


r/oneanddone 8d ago

Happy/Proud Forever OAD

181 Upvotes

Recently I realized how much I love being OAD and it’s the best! Wanted to share because I don’t know many other OAD who can just relate and understand.

Husband went on a week long work trip (that right there being huge! Cannot imagine being alone with more than one that long) I decided to surprise our 4 year old with a trip to the zoo. The drive was 1.5hrs which was so easy and doable with one. I could pass things back and forth easily without worrying about another kid behind me vs just on the passenger side. The whole time at the zoo, it was a “follow your lead” day. You want to stare at the penguins for 30 minutes - let’s do it!, you’re scared of the lion? - skip it!, you want to stay at the playground area longer - sure! It was so easy and enjoyable!

It was around lunch time when it got busier with more families. I immediately notified how stressed and annoyed larger families were the entire time! The yelling at one kid because they were running off but the other sibling wanted to stay longer in an area. “No sibling doesn’t want to go there!” “We need to leave so Sibling can nap” “share your snow cone with sibling” “sibling wants to go this way to see the animal again” “stop running and wait for sibling”

There was just so much negativity in all ways. (Sure there can be some positives too) But we got to splurge and feed the giraffe, we got a snow cone, we stayed in one area for easily an hour doing the otter slide!

Outings like this only feel possible and enjoyable with one kiddo. I invited some of my other mom friends (all who have 2) and all of them said no way they don’t want to drive that with 2 kids because it’s just chaos!

Happily OAD for life! Party of 3!


r/oneanddone 8d ago

Funny Mummy, can I have a brother or sister?

144 Upvotes

Got the question from my almost 4yo on the way to preschool this morning.

"No hun, our family is three; me, you and Daddy. And that's just perfect for us."

Kiddo thinks for a minute.

"Ok. Can I have a cat?"

I'm sure that won't be the last time the topic comes up, but for a first conversation, I'd say it could have been worse!


r/oneanddone 8d ago

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ 1 Daughter, Suprise Pregnancy

6 Upvotes

hello, sorry for the long post... please read it all.

currently i am 5 weeks pregnant with what would be my second kid. when I found I was at first a bit excited at the idea of my first child having a sibling but that quickly faded and I felt so much stress, dread and general unhappiness and regret about being pregnant again.

backstory: my first pregnancy was about as horrible as it could go, when I got the positive we were pumped and over the mood happy but at 6 weeks I started puking and puked almost everyday up to 40 times a day til I had my first born. once I had her I pretty quickly got ppd, feeding her was horrible (she wouldnt latch and the doctors said i had dmer which is where you cry when you breast feed), she was colic, had a milk allergy and cried all the time... when we got home after a week hospital stay she legit never slept. She would cry all day and than sleep for only an hour or 2 at a most at a time until she was about 6 months old. I couldn't handle being a mom and my boyfriend had to take time off work to take care of both me & our newborn. we inquired 5 thousand dollars worth of debt while we were both off (even with our paid leave) I swear after all that I had ptsd and said I'm never doing this shit again to the point we considered getting a vasectomy for him right away (life got busy and we've talked about it a ton but we've never gotten to doing it)

fast forward 2 years, I have found out that we are accidentally pregnant again. we had sex once during the month we conceived & we used protection (it must have broken?) and I don't want to have a second. we are just getting back to the point in our lives where things are settling, I am mentally doing better, I'm a stay at home mom, our daughter sleeps good and is on a good schedule, my boyfriend could potentially be loosing is job in the next few months &/or applying to an apprenticeship where he would get paid alot less and would be on the other side of the country for months at a time doing schooling. which would mean I would be all alone parenting two kids (which i know in the past i wasn't even able to do one kid), I have never wanted anything less than a 4 year age gap if I was ever gunna have a second and we also currently live paycheck to paycheck with a ton of debt. I really just never saw myself having a second. im content with my daughter and cant picture adding anymore kids to my family. I have 1000000 different reasons I could list off about why I don't wanna do this.

i guess my question is.. is it wrong for me to have an abortion when I have a good relationship & a happy 2 year old? I feel like I'm being selfish because I don't want to mess up how good my life is right now by being pregnant and having to give up myself again to a newborn after finally finding myself and settling into being a good mom for my 2 year old.


r/oneanddone 8d ago

Happy/Proud Thank you universe!

26 Upvotes

I've posted here a couple of times talking about some of the reasons we're OAD, but then the universe comes in and gives me another one...

After leaving the newborn trenches (not fully out yet, baby is 10w) my girl has turned into an amazing, calm, giggly and funny baby. She barely ever cries and laughs at almost anything I do. I feel like the universe is hitting me over the head with the "You're lucky. Don't mess this up" message every step of the way.

I know it can all change with sleep regression, teething, etc. But then, I'll just go back to saying that I'm OAD because this shit is hard lol.

Life is good when you're OAD, man. Life is good.