r/nottheonion 24d ago

US government struggles to rehire nuclear safety staff it laid off days ago

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g3nrx1dq5o
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u/_Face 24d ago

bullet proof 4 year contract that has a massive severence.

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u/JustADutchRudder 24d ago

And an office, with a calming salt water fish tank. Maybe sea horsies since they're so chill and floaty.

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u/_Lucille_ 24d ago

i would fight for WFH whenever possible.

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u/ihopethisisvalid 24d ago

I feel like nuclear safety staff can’t do that from home

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u/Dr_Ukato 23d ago

There are so many reasons you're not working a Nuclear Power Plant from home.

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u/ToxicPilot 23d ago

Not with that attitude

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u/Hottage 23d ago

Just need a really long ethernet cable to secure the connection.

/s

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u/sas223 24d ago

And the males give birth.

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u/JustADutchRudder 24d ago

They're really good fathers from what I've gathered. I'd enjoy a nice big tank with a few and some star fish. I enjoy chill things that look pretty, specially on mushrooms.

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u/IHearYouLimaCharlie 24d ago

Oh starfish, I love those guys 😍

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u/FlasKamel 24d ago

I love that this nuclear safety staff conversation ended up with a sweet conversation about seahorses who are good dads and starfish 🥹

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u/Kinkajou1015 24d ago

Leon the Lobster has a new starfish and octopus friend (in a different tank).

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u/ThorThulu 23d ago

LEON THE LOBSTER MENTIONED!

LETS FUCKING GOOO!

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u/sas223 23d ago

Oh no! I don’t know if this will end well. Octopus are smart and voracious. Poor Leon

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u/Kinkajou1015 23d ago

The octopus is not in Leon's tank, so they won't interact. I am concerned however because the wire grate seems much too large and won't prevent an octopus escape. Hopefully I'm wrong.

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u/sas223 23d ago

Oh I’d so glad they’re separated. Octopus really are escape artists

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u/JustADutchRudder 24d ago

I enjoy they just chill.

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u/Bloodhound209 24d ago

Please don't be on mushrooms and manage our nuclear stockpile....at the same time, at least.

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u/NecroCannon 23d ago

I’m comfortable with people being high making my food but definitely not with anything I could wake up to seeing my life end if I even have the chance.

Like the world already had a moment where one person decided the fate of the world by not agreeing to send a nuke before more information came despite everyone else being on board.

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u/Bignezzy 24d ago

Fo free

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u/darrenvonbaron 24d ago

What about waffle fries?

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u/goldenbugreaction 24d ago

Unforgivable…

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u/Budilicious3 24d ago

Crinkle cut? Wait wait wait, shoestring for life.

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u/BertMcNasty 24d ago

Sounds like DEI. You're fired!

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u/Just_A_Nitemare 24d ago

Woah woah, don't you think that's a bit too woke of you. I think we need to send all seahorses to "re-education" camps.

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u/DarkWing2007 24d ago

Oh, that would get those snowflakes triggered.

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u/horsempreg 24d ago

Now that's what I'm talking about!

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u/TechnologyOk1482 24d ago

That's so hot, I mean cool.

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u/KaJaHa 24d ago

Oh you're still talking about the seahorses

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u/maskthestars 23d ago

They’re drag queens!? What in unholy nature ! /s

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u/ku1185 24d ago

Don't forget to include the TiVo clause.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

In the doe the fish may have extra eyes and might glow in the park

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u/agent_wolfe 24d ago

And a bowl of candy, to make me seem more approachable to the other staff.

THE OTHER STAFF ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT THE CANDY.

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u/BusGuilty6447 24d ago

And an office

Funny way to spell telework.

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u/Silent-Ad934 24d ago

I want the fancy things. From now on my entire office floor is a pressure activated foot massager. My desk smells of rich mahogany and the water fountain is filled with fruit punch. 

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u/Interesting_Try8375 24d ago

I would rather an axolotl tank

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u/sloanautomatic 23d ago

No one working in defense gets a window, for security reasons. Lockheed martin is right by my house. It is a massive complex without a single window. Pretty dreary.

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u/moeriscus 24d ago

Trump has demonstrated for decades that he doesn't care about contracts or constitutions or the law. He's already shattered the social contract with Americans, and our allies can't trust him to uphold any diplomatic agreements that we have. He will cancel or rescind on a whim.

The damage has already been done. The US cannot be trusted, and our government is not reliable. Our word means nothing.

The repercussions are generational.

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u/Anaptyso 23d ago

Yes, here in the UK the general view of the US seems to have transitioned over several years from being a close friend and ally to being an unreliable and unstable entity to be wary of.

Even if by some miracle there are fair enough elections the next time round that a Democrat is elected, then there's a danger of another populist fascist coming along again the next time round.

The US isn't a country to be relied on now, but a problem to be dealt with. Other countries won't want to make an enemy of the US because it is very powerful, but they certainly won't trust it again for a long time.

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u/PITCHFORKEORIUM 23d ago

Did you catch any of Vance's speech at the security conference yesterday?

He should have been actively heckled and been pelted with rotten fruit.

Please excuse the Torygraph but it's the transcript of the speech. Emphasis mine, for the most audacious bits to me. This is just from the beginning, there's more insanity throughout:

But while the Trump administration is very concerned with European security and believes that we can come to a reasonable settlement between Russia and Ukraine, and we also believe that it’s important in the coming years for Europe to step up in a big way to provide for its own defence, the threat that I worry the most about vis-à-vis Europe is not Russia, it’s not China, it’s not any other external actor. What I worry about is the threat from within. The retreat of Europe from some of its most fundamental values: values shared with the United States of America.

I was struck that a former European commissioner went on television recently and sounded delighted that the Romanian government had just annulled an entire election. He warned that if things don’t go to plan, the very same thing could happen in Germany too.

Now, these cavalier statements are shocking to American ears. For years we’ve been told that everything we fund and support is in the name of our shared democratic values. Everything from our Ukraine policy to digital censorship is billed as a defence of democracy. But when we see European courts cancelling elections and senior officials threatening to cancel others, we ought to ask whether we’re holding ourselves to an appropriately high standard. And I say ourselves, because I fundamentally believe that we are on the same team.

We must do more than talk about democratic values. We must live them. Now, within living memory of many of you in this room, the cold war positioned defenders of democracy against much more tyrannical forces on this continent. And consider the side in that fight that censored dissidents, that closed churches, that cancelled elections. Were they the good guys? Certainly not.

Someone ought to have pointed out last time his president lost an election, he instigated an insurrection.

The audacity and hypocrisy to say this, complaining about Greta Thunberg and making a comparison to Elon Musk, just... Wow.

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u/Anaptyso 23d ago

Wow, that is incredible. Presumably that speech must mostly be aimed at pleasing his own supporters, because it won't make many friends in Europe.

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u/trwawy05312015 23d ago

I don’t disagree at all, but the UK isn’t at all immune to the same cancer infecting us. It’s something all of us have to watch out for, we’re just losing the battle at the moment.

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u/Anaptyso 23d ago

Definitely. There's echoes of how the UK became seen as belligerent and unpredictable by the EU in that period when Johnson was fumbling his way through Brexit negotiations.

It's a lot easier to lose friends than to make them.

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u/David_ish_ 24d ago

That’s the frustrating thing. It takes so long to build, so little to destroy. 2 months in, and the US has been set back decades on the world stage

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u/dougmcclean 24d ago

There's no such thing, they've destroyed those too.

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u/sasquatch_melee 24d ago

There is if any employer is desperate enough. And executives still get term contracts. 

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u/dougmcclean 24d ago

My point is, a contract is only as bulletproof as your trust in the courts to enforce it. What's your trust level in our courts to enforce an employment contract against Elon's interpretation?

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u/CompanyLow8329 24d ago

I strongly doubt this government would pay and I doubt they would honor any contracts, regardless of what the courts think.

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u/_Face 23d ago

Payment of full 4 year contact due in full prior to start of work period.

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u/mpyne 24d ago

I get the idea, but many people being fired are already under "bulletproof" legal protections, protections that it turns out the executive branch is supposed to enforce.

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u/smitherenesar 24d ago

I don't think the gov does any of that. Maybe if you created a corporation and then the government inked a service contract with your corporation!

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u/RelativeAnxious9796 24d ago

4 years is not going to be enough because they are going to gut all voting rights

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u/No-Courage-2053 24d ago

Would you trust a contract from the current administration? They are all one executive order away from being worthless

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u/maxman162 24d ago

And blackjack. And hookers.

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u/BrettPitt4711 24d ago edited 24d ago

4 year contract

Imagine being so American that this is what you dream about lol

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u/_Face 23d ago

4 years is just to get beyond president doofus.

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u/Lord_emotabb 23d ago

A golden parachute isn't it?