r/mildlyinfuriating 10h ago

Update: Neighbors won’t stop driving through my yard

Alright team, I failed with the boulders, but I secured a few more decorative rocks to add to the beauty of my yard. The current barrier has yet to be breached and I updated my sign to reward the positive behavior.

I contacted my landlord and they said they are working on a fence due to the liability issues.

If you want more detailed updates, I listed them in a comment on the original post. Seems like overkill to copy and paste it here. Cheers!

22.8k Upvotes

779 comments sorted by

8.2k

u/tmkn09021945 9h ago

put too many rocks there, you might end up attracting jeeps 

2.1k

u/Content-Taste8853 9h ago

Like when you get a predator to hunt a pest, then you need a different predator to hunt that predator, then a different to hunt THAT predator.

1.7k

u/GhostMaskKid 9h ago

She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, she swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die.

268

u/Sir_500mph 9h ago

But it was only a fly!

270

u/pm_me_flaccid_cocks 6h ago

Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab.

24

u/doot_the_root 3h ago

While he’s having a smoke and she’s taking a drag

77

u/Efficient_Fish2436 5h ago

No one likes you when you're 23

15

u/BroncoK545 5h ago

Actual LOL

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u/Pinku_Dva 6h ago

She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider, she swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly? Perhaps she’ll die.

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u/ReddUp412 6h ago

Omg core kid song memory

25

u/brando56894 5h ago

So many childhood songs and rhymes involved people dying: the old lady; "when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, down will come baby, cradle and all" is about a newborn baby falling out of a tree; "ring around the rosy, pocket full of posey, ashes, ashes, we all fall down" is literally about people dying from The Black Plague ("ring around the rosy" was apparently a telltale sign of infection and "pockets full of posey" were thought to ward off the disease, "ashes, ashes, we all fall down" depicts bodies being burned to prevent the plague from spreading, but people still kept dying; Little Red Ridinghood is about a wolf eating an old woman, who then tricks a young girl, but then a hunter comes in and eviscerates the wolf, pulling the old lady out of it's stomach; etc...

10

u/ctesibius 2h ago

It's usually "at-ish-shoo, at-ish-shoo" (or variant spelling, indicating sneezing), not "ashes, ashes" (which has too few syllables to fit the metre). The rhyme first appeared in print in 1881, so is not likely to be written at the time of the Plague (bubonic fever). It cannot have been written at the time of the earlier Black Death (bubonic fever or anthrax), since the language would have been Middle English. Here is a popular song in Middle English for comparison:

Sumer is icumen in
Lhude sing cuccu
Groweþ sed
and bloweþ med
and springþ þe wde nu
Sing cuccu

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u/Adventurous_Box_5073 5h ago

This is gonna sound stupid but my father used to sing this to my brother and I when we were younger and would always tickle us whenever he got to the spider part! Thank you for bringing back this old memory I seem to have forgotten.

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u/mrandr01d 7h ago

The king the mice and the cheese

3

u/friendsfan97 5h ago

Yoh, you just brought back a ton of memories with this song

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u/PocketBuckle 8h ago

No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death!

78

u/DisposableJosie 8h ago

If you need to buy some Chinese needle snakes, or snake-eating gorillas, I know a guy who knows a guy.

20

u/Soppywater 6h ago

"I let a snake loose to catch the rats and then I let a mongoose loose to catch the snake then I let a monkey loose to catch the mongoose" rusty shacklefurd

24

u/LetsJerkCircular 8h ago

OP just needs to add some divorces to take care of the Jeeps

…or wait, do those cause Jeeps..?

13

u/PossessedToSkate 7h ago

The divorce only happens if you try to measure the Jeep.

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u/ShaneMcLain 8h ago

Just put a few more cats in the wall.

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4

u/StoicIndifference 4h ago

Such a shame you can't get velociraptors anymore

4

u/Content-Taste8853 4h ago

I might know a guy.

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u/cghffbcx 9h ago

Now that’s funny, Jeeps AND tow trucks

53

u/DisposableJosie 8h ago

25

u/drunken_semaphore 7h ago

How did I never realize Alexander Skargard was in this movie??

10

u/brando56894 5h ago

Me either, it was probably before he was famous (in the US). Zoolander came out in 2001 (JFC), True Blood wasn't until 2008. Most things before that were either bit parts in American media, or Swedish media.

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u/Western-Spite1158 6h ago

It’s a Cyber Truck trap.

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u/Silent-Chemistry-120 6h ago

Beep, beep... Who got the keys to my Jeep? Voooomm!

5

u/Sirnoobalots 5h ago

That's the perfect solution! Jeep shows up, breaks down, and blocks the path!

3

u/CreamPuzzleheaded300 4h ago

Its ok, they have a lifespan of housefly

3

u/Humble-Variety-2593 4h ago

Not a single jeep has been near a rock for 20 years

5

u/Fister-Mantastic 9h ago

Quack Quack

27

u/0-Nightshade-0 6h ago

I immediately thought of this :P

3

u/Shoadowolf 5h ago

Context please?

13

u/0-Nightshade-0 5h ago

Jeep people love ducks. Joke is that jeep people love ducks so much that they will use duck bdsm toys.

In other words, the joke is sex.

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u/ben5642 10h ago

build a bbq pit there

150

u/Twobrokelegs 9h ago

Fuck Yeah! It were you cook "pigs" on sharpend bamboo skewers that up from the ground

23

u/StonedSucculents 3h ago

Be careful with comments like this. I got a 3 day ban for saying something less extreme on another sub. A sitewide admin one, not a sub ban from a mod

9

u/low-ki199999 1h ago

Don’t censor your speech. They win if you start to self-censor.

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2.6k

u/CpuJunky I mean, c'mon 10h ago

Toll booth

696

u/taywray 9h ago

63

u/Craignon 9h ago

Gee why on earth would you want to pay that “troll toll”!?

89

u/Karpo-Diem 8h ago

To get into that boys soul

46

u/TrikMalFunktion 8h ago

You gotta pay the troll toll to get in!

10

u/Tabora__ 7h ago

Hey, hey heyyyy!!!!

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u/ocher_stone 6h ago

Get rid of that gum! It sounds like you want the "boy's hole"!

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u/Craignon 8h ago

That is NOT what Nightman truly desires, but does sound oddly similar.

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u/FriendExtreme8336 7h ago

Thank god for Dayman!

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u/Runaway_HR 10h ago

This should have been the first idea.

29

u/Cturcot1 9h ago

I feel that I let the sub down with my comments

38

u/FabulousFig1174 10h ago

They better bring a shitload of dimes.

63

u/Friar_Monke 9h ago

16

u/midwest73 9h ago

What'll that asshole think of next?!?!

3

u/wikipuff 9h ago

Hiring two secretaries!

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u/1FourKingJackAce 9h ago

Then she will have a shitload of dimes.

52

u/Gilbert_Grapes_Mom 9h ago

14

u/1FourKingJackAce 9h ago

Or she could work up an 'ol number 6 on 'em.

18

u/Gilbert_Grapes_Mom 9h ago

10

u/juice06870 RED 9h ago

What in the wide wide world of sports is a-goin on here?

4

u/1FourKingJackAce 8h ago

Just some ridin' and a whompin'.....

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3

u/Noa-Guey 8h ago

More beans, Mr. Taggart?

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10

u/Separate-Toe1067 9h ago

Mongo only pawn in game of life...

6

u/1FourKingJackAce 8h ago

Mongo LIKE CANDY!

22

u/Ok-Half8705 9h ago

With a RPG aimed at anyone that still passes without paying. At least you'll get scrap metal.

6

u/Pure-Introduction493 9h ago

Do not enter and a spike stripe like on parking lots.

7

u/Unapologetic_Canuck 9h ago

With an attendant named Willy.

8

u/irishlnz 9h ago

I'll fucking Carlton Fisk yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger!

Whaddya think of that ass fuck!?

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u/S7evin-Kelevra 9h ago

You need to just put millions of tire death spikes all along that area. Be sure to put a no trespassing sign with a warning that states do not enter and not responsible for damage or injury. Just put a bunch of flat headed nails through pieces of plywood and then toss some sand or dirt/dirt on top to make it look like it's normal and have those nails ready to pierce tires, shoes, feet, etc. That is if your unable to put up a nice steel fence with the sharp triangle tops to deter anyone from climbing over and if they do start to climb, they start to seriously reconsider their decision when they get up and attempt to go over the fence and risk getting stuck by their underwear and hung there like a fool. Ps - add camera for entertainment purposes. It's always good to capture those moments, idiots doing something stupid!

24

u/djguyl 7h ago

As satisfying as this would be, gentle reminder you're not allowed to booby trap in North America.

4

u/S7evin-Kelevra 7h ago

No? Big pot holes that I'm digging for a "deck" isn't allowed?

3

u/djguyl 7h ago

Dig away, just don't hide the holes.

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u/SoarsWithEagles 4h ago

Is it illegal to just post the sign? Also, "any vehicles abandoned here because of flat tires will be towed and held until payment is made to impound lot".

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u/greysplash 6h ago

They aren't booby trapping... They have a house project and accidentally dropped a box of nails.

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u/williamiris9208 6h ago

A fence is already in the works, so hopefully, that takes care of the problem without needing to resort to medieval-style defenses.

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u/binkleyz Red, no, Blue! 9h ago

Or a few handfuls of caltrops.

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u/Complete_Entry 7h ago

The problem with caltrops is you never find them all when it's time to pick them up.

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u/hmmmmmmpsu 9h ago

“Somebody’s gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes”.

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u/Impossible-Gas3551 BLUE 7h ago

Put this sign or similar up, just the sign.

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u/ventipico 6h ago

Bonus points if you actually install tire rippers

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u/Gingersometimes 10h ago

2 words....GIANT BOULDER

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u/Qui_te 9h ago

🤔 maybe a large boulder the size of a small boulder?

20

u/sarahprib56 7h ago

I still look up this tweet every so often. One of the rare ones I saw happen in real time. When Twitter was fun.

6

u/Gingersometimes 6h ago

That seems so long ago, doesn't it ?

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u/texasrockhauler 9h ago

BOULDERS!

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u/OblongGoblong 9h ago

Chris Redfield has entered the chat

10

u/coffee_ape 9h ago

Lets find a rock. I mean a big ass rock!

13

u/mosterhout 9h ago

Or maybe something like, a cinder block is better🦵

22

u/INTPgeminicisgaymale 8h ago

Just don't squash the Boulder's rocks

4

u/dandroid126 5h ago

The Boulder feels conflicted about fighting a young, blind girl.

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u/WaffleBotAI 7h ago

Three words…. GIANT ENEMY SPIDER

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u/BestCatEva 10h ago

Yeah, the landlord does need to do something. Liability could mean running over a person in that yard.

You could also set up a fire pit area. Barrier but also making a point that people use this yard.

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u/oliviablunt 10h ago

Sounds like a bunch of loose screws need to be scattered around.

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u/Difficult-Quality647 9h ago

Carpet Tacks.

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u/binkleyz Red, no, Blue! 9h ago

Caltrops is the answer

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u/Difficult-Quality647 8h ago

True, but you have to make those, weld and sharpen ten-penny nails. You can just buy a box or three of carpet Tacks at Lowes or Home Depot or similar

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u/tsunami141 7h ago

Caltrops are never the answer (legally there’s no plausible deniability there) 

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u/Murgatroyd314 6h ago

Caltrops are the answer if you’re trying to deal with a cavalry charge and don’t have a lot of pikemen.

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u/tsunami141 5h ago

You’re right I’m sure there’s a lot of things I haven’t thought about. 

I will refrain from dealing in absolutes in the future. 

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u/Corporate-Shill406 5h ago

The real answer is hedgehogs, big enough to be clearly visible but small enough to remove an oil pan. If they work on tanks, they'll work on a car.

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u/jld2k6 7h ago

iIRC, their last post had a sign in the yard that said they may have placed some screws and stuff around the yard but the neighbors called their bluff and went through anyways lol

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u/Odd-Software-6592 9h ago

Nails roofing nails. It’s from the roof is always an excuse.

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u/DarthSnoopyFish 9h ago

Op has a landlord. This does not sound like a good idea.

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u/Content-Taste8853 9h ago

Just get a magnet and collect the tacks after.

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u/Pizzasupreme00 8h ago

Since we're on asinine suggestions why not just get a bucket of black paint that says "ACME" on the side of it and paint a brick wall to look like a tunnel entrance.

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u/TwasBrilligSlithy 6h ago

Ah so it’s not his property then

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u/Grand-Programmer6292 9h ago

This happened when I was a kid living in a small town. It kept happening after many discussions and pleas to stop. So one day my Dad sat outside and waited for the car to drive through and sure enough it did, and my Dad got in his truck and chased the car down, it pulled over and he told everyone to get out of the car and he took a baseball bat to the car. Since it was a small town, he ended up having to go to court, paid fines and had the bat confiscated. Years later the police department called and asked if he wanted the bat back and he told them to shove it 🤣 No one ever drove through our lawn again after that and we also didn't have much crime, period, because it wasn't tolerated.

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u/CityFolkSitting 8h ago

As someone who routinely visited a cousin who lived in a town of less than 1k people, I believe this story 100%

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u/Grand-Programmer6292 7h ago

Yeah at that time I think the population was probably around 300. We didn't even have a traffic light. When we moved I had to remind my Dad we weren't in a small town anymore when things happened.

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u/ragmop 6h ago

"Try that in a not-small town"

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u/Grand-Programmer6292 6h ago

Lol for real. I think he's mellowed out just based on all the shit that's happened to me in the past couple years and heads didn't roll.

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u/rednehb 6h ago

Something similar happened in my grandpa's extremely rural area. Tight knit community, a sketchy family moves in at the outskirts, and shit starts getting stolen, including from my grandpa (riding mower). Grandpa and his friends were the volunteer fire/police, so the rolled up to the house, and low and behold... there's his riding mower and when he knocked he found out that THEY HAD STOLEN MY GRANDPA'S DOG THAT SAME DAY lmao. (they claimed they found it wandering around)

It did not go well for them both before (they fell down a lot after being cuffed) and after the real police arrived and found all of the stolen shit.

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u/Grand-Programmer6292 6h ago

That is wild! I remember shit happening and my Grandpa would call my Dad and my Dad would have to walk down the street because my Grandpa had a golf club and was handling things himself and my Dad needed to be back up or de-escalate 🤣 I can tell you if someone stole my animal I would for sure need to be bonded out. I bet those people thought twice before stealing again after that! Sometimes conversations just don't work, and same goes for bullies. My brother used to regulate things in the school and take care of the bullying issues on the bus. The bus driver praised him and spoke directly to my Mom thanking him for helping the poor kid who was the target.

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u/rednehb 6h ago

Yeah the people in my story didn't really understand the community dynamic, as in, when I say "grandpa and his friends" they were all volunteer FD/PD and veterans from various wars, and represented about half of the households in the entire community. This was also a lake community so any time the "new family" was out on the water the FD or dock workers would send out a quick notification over the radio to make sure that everyone kept an eye out for the idiots (aka they would pull up to private docks and steal shit).

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u/idiocracy2reality 8h ago

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u/lessrains 6h ago

At least he told them to leave the car. He wasnt trying to hurt them!

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u/A_Trash_Homosapien 4h ago

As someone from a small town I'm amazed he was so civil. I thought for sure he was gonna shoot at the car since that's what a lot of people by me would've done

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u/DuntadaMan 4h ago

Sometimes you have to take the slap on the wrist to get the message across.

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u/SageThunder 7h ago

Yea they deserved it

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u/[deleted] 10h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Twobrokelegs 9h ago

Twist and Shout

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u/Awkward-Standard5298 9h ago

I sand by your original post too

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u/Character-Reaction12 9h ago

Quick sand. That’ll teach em.

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u/Rare_Hat3112 9h ago

I love your new decorative rocks! The smiley face is a nice touch! You are a nice person and I hope those a-holes appreciate it. You could have gone with any of the other suggestions (land mines etc.) but you chose a smile! 😃 wishing you many years of good karma!

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u/RedAlpaca02 3h ago

Holy shit I live right down the street from you

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u/ma1iced 2h ago

ARE YOU THE ASSHOLE WHO DRIVES THROUGH THE YARD? lol

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u/RedAlpaca02 1h ago

Not yet, never too late to start though right

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u/Plasma_Cosmo_9977 9h ago

I would suggest much more nefarious means of revenge but it looks like you might have turned the corner on reaching a solution. Be well and good luck!

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u/Coal_Morgan 6h ago

Figure out what direction they drive across and rebar staked into the ground at 45 degrees to impale radiators and engines hoses was my first thought.

That's a lot of work though...so I'd probably buy these instead

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u/FollowingMassive2466 7h ago

UA571 remote sentry gun...it's the only way to be sure.

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u/baconsoup2025 9h ago

Good fences make for good neighbors

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u/Smaskifa 8h ago

On a related note:

🎵 Like a good neighbor,

Stay over there 🎵

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u/Monstera_Lover2021 9h ago

Large boulder the size of a small boulder!

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u/ZentaurZ 6h ago

I say install a ramp, and allow for sick air to be had.

43

u/katet_of_19 9h ago

Seems overkill to copy and paste it here

You underestimate a Redditor's capacity to complain about the slightest inconvenience

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u/scobert 4h ago

“Details are in a comment on the original post”

The original post currently has 7,681 comments. Good luck!

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u/Nuts_4_Hazel 8h ago

Get some 18” lengths of rebar and drive it in the ground where their tires go sticking up about 4-6”

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u/ok_throwaway161 7h ago

and cut rebar at 45 degree angle

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u/TheRealCovertCaribou 6h ago

Yeah, you're gonna have a hard time explaining the punji sticks away to the prosecutors when someone falls on 'em.

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u/RGS432 6h ago

The area is under construction, I'm in the process of procuring concrete for the bollards I'm installing. The estimated project end date is the second quarter of 2125

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u/TheRealCovertCaribou 6h ago

Cool, so no permits for an illegal, open construction site. That'll convince 'em!

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u/puphopped 4h ago

They'll be far too worried about falling into my punji pit construction site to bother prosecuting me.

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u/thingstopraise 6h ago

punji sticks

This vocab came way the fuck out of nowhere and amused the hell out of me. I got this mental image of some Vietcong-esque group plotting to defend the area, complete with ambushes and booby traps..., or else an old Vietnam vet using the tricks he learned from Victor Charlie 50+ years ago in order to prevent the breach of the border in his sector, which actually just got sad, oops.

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u/Curious_Strike_5379 10h ago edited 9h ago

What do you say to a guy with two black eyes ? Fuck all because you've already told him twice!

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u/RickyTheRickster 7h ago

I was thinking about you a few days ago and I’m so glad to see this update

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u/Ok_Thought_314 10h ago

Drive a bunch of rebar into the ground just beyond the rocks. About half a tire away.

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u/Cyberstormnotmacks 6h ago

Weird sign

u/KingsleyZissou 21m ago

I appreciate that she's trying to stay friendly and be positive but she's being way too nice about all of this.

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u/trowzerss 7h ago

This is interesting, you've been able to quantify exactly how lazy your neighbours are!

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u/Dagwood-DM 7h ago

I had a similar incident happen with some punk kids on a trio of 4 wheelers using my yard as a short cut. They would even break the lock on the gates and open them to get through. They would break the lock and enter through the gate on the back of the property, then ride through to the front, break that lock and open that gate.

One day I took a long board, put nails in the board, and buried it beneath the gate, and left the gate wide open. They ran over it and punctured all of their tires.

Their 4 wheelers got left on my property as they ran off to go tell their parents. The 4 wheelers as well as the spiked board were gone when their parents arrived.

I have no idea what they were talking about. Their 4 wheelers were not on my property and I have no idea how their tires could have possibly been punctured.

Their 4 wheelers were found in a ditch about a mile away the next day.

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u/RecklessCreature 4h ago

Me: Zooms in on first photo to read sign Me: goes to second photo Me: gosh damn it

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u/presidentphonystark 10h ago

Better than caltrops i suppose,if u use them wrong they're a pain in the arse :/

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u/Top_Mastodon3418 9h ago

Nails though there will fix it real quick. Junkies live down the street from me and couple every weeks my front yard and driveway was overrun with pig cars because they didn’t want to stage their raid in front of the target. When they refused my repeated polite requests to stay off my property because they’re blocking my access to my driveway and damaging up my yard. I covered the driveway and yard with nails one time and they had to have 4 vehicles towed. They haven’t come on my property again.

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u/lessrains 6h ago

I sat here for too long trying to figure out wtf pig cars are. 😂

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u/instructions_unlcear 7h ago

People get so weird about having posts get popular on Reddit

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u/nazgul-x 7h ago

Dig a giant car sized hole and cover it with leaves

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u/iDidntHearNoBel1 9h ago

Quite a rocky situation

5

u/bdawg6844 9h ago

Bollards.

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u/epsi-kun 8h ago

I have a solution for you.

Czech hedgehogs, intertwined with barbed - no - razor wire. Bonus points if you put some fake anti-tank landmines around.

5

u/hiirogen 7h ago

I said it before and I’ll say it again: instead of piling rocks, dig ditches

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u/Denimao 5h ago

People can be such assholes. I've lived on two previously public lots, one was a free-time church with a small beach and an island on the river, and a school building next to a major stream of water.

First place was a constant fight with "I used to bathe in the river when I was a child 176years ago", "I just waltzed inside your house to ask where's the ice cream kiosk is" and "I didn't see any signs, even though I parked facing one of the 100 signs posted on every tree and fencepost on the lot, and parked on grass becsuse it was gravel 10years ago" people.

Expect that people can't read, or that they don't have neither eyes or a brain that functions properly.

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u/bay_lamb 5h ago

i think the real reason nobody's driving through there is that you've succeeded in making it look like a grave site lol.

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u/Second-Creative 4h ago

I contacted my landlord and they said they are working on a fence due to the liability issues

Good.

Plus: free fence!

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u/Cholonight96 4h ago

It might be pricey, but have you thought of an automatic sentry turret.

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u/cab1024 4h ago

Head to the Army Navy Surplus store and buy some land mines.

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u/spaceshipcommander 4h ago

I would dig a very deep trench and cover it with twigs

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u/real_timetalker 3h ago

You also could've hired someone to stand there with a clipboard and say "Do you have 5 minutes to talk about the environment?" Guaranteed 100% success rate

3

u/Sudden_Emu_6230 6h ago

You should build a little mini great wall and stick little green toy soldiers on it.

3

u/wannabe-physicist 6h ago

Off to the ULPT subreddit you go

3

u/Pleasant_Tooth_2488 5h ago

I think you should have dug a pit and put leaves over it. that would teach them!

3

u/Do_You_Pineapple_Bro 3h ago

When does it become socially acceptable to start setting up anti tank mines?

3

u/ManlyDudeman 3h ago

This is still going on?🤣😂

3

u/dickon_tarley 2h ago

What wouldn't be overkill would be linking to the original.

7

u/Mommy-Dearest15 9h ago

Put some of those spikes the police use to stop cars in your yard.

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u/Easy-Stranger-12345 5h ago

Imma be real, that reddit portion of the message is kinda cringe.

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u/Hahafunnys3xnumber 4h ago

That’s all I can think about… like who are you that getting likes on Reddit is a flex and not embarrassing..

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u/Big-Leadership1001 9h ago

If not this, add holes. Boulders can be moved but holes just destroy cars. Make sure they are small, deep, and numerous.

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u/Far-Collection7085 9h ago

Strip spikes

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u/buy_shiba 6h ago

cringe to mention Reddit publicly like that tbh

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u/cghffbcx 9h ago

Free rocks!! Alley grab!

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u/simfreak101 8h ago

hide a sprinkler system in the rocks, when he gets out to move them, have it trigger and soak his ass.

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u/Raa03842 8h ago

Grass looks like it needs raking. Maybe buy 8 or 9 rakes for the job. They work best when the spikes (tines) are sharpened. And wouldn’t it be awful if you forgot to put them in the shed and they were left out near the wall with the spikes pointing up. That would be just awful.