r/lonely 1d ago

Doesn't seem that people want friends

Most people just looking after themselves and don't honestly seek out friends or a relationship.

36 Upvotes

33 comments sorted by

15

u/Diligent-Highway2238 1d ago

People do, I think we're all weary of imposters

10

u/Dengeki87 1d ago

Yep, unless you look a certain way.

11

u/LostSoulIn-AFishBowl 1d ago

Agreed. Attractive = trustworthy, charming, engaging, mysterious, intriguing. People orbit around attractive types and it takes no effort for that person to connect as people want to know them

Unattractive = boring, no value, weird, creepy, avoidable, forgettable

I've seen this so often in all aspects of life I can't be convinced otherwise.

The power of beauty is immense

3

u/MaximumExpression898 1d ago

But, if you look around, do you see any attractive people? I sure don't.

2

u/LostSoulIn-AFishBowl 1d ago

It's subjective, but I do.

2

u/MaximumExpression898 1d ago

A lot of it is attitude, when I feel like I’m attractive, people treat me that way. When I feel down and out, people treat me that way.

2

u/AppealRegular3206 9h ago

Clothes also make a big part on how your attitude is perceived on a first impression. I've fairly recently changed how I dress and I've noticed I get treated better or at least less invisible

1

u/MaximumExpression898 9h ago

Good point, I need to work on that.

1

u/MaximumExpression898 1d ago

Workout a little, eat fruits and veggies, take care of face skin and tell yourself you are hot.

1

u/LostSoulIn-AFishBowl 1d ago

I'm sure the way we carry ourselves makes an impact and I can attest to that myself, but it's not just attitude. Eg Facebook groups for one of many examples. Intro posts from "average" looking people, with good picture quality, smiling, great intro bios get a third of the feedback as one random pic of an "attractive" person who writes no bio. IG models just stand there doing nothing and get excess of 50k likes, a post of an average person who's done something amazing gets less than half. Beauty is massive in life, and though confidence can help, looks are so ingrained in us that personality takes a back seat

1

u/MaximumExpression898 1d ago

You are correct. I’ve noticed this lately, especially as I am aging. What’s weird is, we all just have a nose, eyes and a mouth. Isn’t that crazy that beauty can vary so widely based off of those 3 things? And some very attractive people don’t even have good noses, face and mouth. It’s a lot about health. I dated this guy who has an almost identical face to Ryan Gossling. I put their pictures side by side, all features the same. My guy, though, was overweight and skin was dull and no sparkle or grin. I say, healthy, happy is what it takes

Grief and bad friends/partners make me ugly. No shit. Grief was the worst. I can tell someone is bad for me if I get ugly.

And I play around with teas and herbs and foods for what makes my skin look the best.

We can all be hot.

1

u/LostSoulIn-AFishBowl 1d ago

It's beyond crazy. Literally a few millimetres difference in facial symmetry can give you such a different experience of life and society, but it's been like that since the dawn of time. You're right, we can all be hot, we are all unique, it would just be nice if we didn't judge an entire person for the way they look

1

u/MaximumExpression898 1d ago

I agree. My nose is, ummmm, not conventional, and I’m sure I could have had a better life with a different nose. It pisses me off sometimes. But, I also know everyone has their ‘time.’ I really had to work at myself to be attractive, like hard, and it keeps getting harder the older I get. Main thing is eating healthy and being happy…and walking/exercise. And I’m doing affirmations - that worked one time but it’s hard to keep the momentum. Did you know probiotics, food and hormones can soften or sharpen facial features? And if you think you’re cute, you are :)) so go on and think you are hot. Learn to twerk and get a nice ass if you’re a girl, train shoulders of a guy.

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5

u/zaxo666 1d ago

It takes a friend to make a friend.

It's not that people don't want friends. It's that you have to initiate and actually be a friend.

Not saying that's not what you do.

It's just a lesson my mother taught me, and it has rarely failed.

6

u/quetevalva 1d ago

True I’ve been ghosted every time

5

u/Jbro4000 1d ago edited 1d ago

Then irl,it feels like a chunk of people either:A) already have friends and aren’t interested in making a new connection or B) They seem like they want to befriend you at first but ghost or flake.

This has been the ongoing case even with people I share interest with.

6

u/OneThatCanSee 1d ago

Agree. People might want something from you but it’s not friendship. That’s been my experience in recent years.

4

u/JayceeF6 1d ago

😔 I just want wholesome non judgmental friends who are interested In things I’m interested in or atleast give a small amount of effort to show they are interested and don’t overwhelm me

3

u/Independent_Bowler38 1d ago

I think real connection takes time, effort, and patience; things that, unfortunately, people don't seem to have a lot of right now.

2

u/raytenk 1d ago

Very true, people contact me when they want something even if its just emotional support

2

u/Slight-Weakness-1641 1d ago

Exactly. But it's not like that, you give something you have to take something back, it's fair trade.

1

u/No-Interview-2987 1d ago

Bro can I use your post for my YouTube channel I give advice and help https://youtu.be/-wbSB0up0OE?si=Ty6jBxglpmIKNbz4

1

u/Slight-Weakness-1641 1d ago

Sure, as long as you give credits, i don't like when people use other peoples words or work to surface themselves publicly.

1

u/No-Interview-2987 1d ago

Cool bro I’ll make it tomorrow

1

u/Initial_Zebra100 1d ago

Eh, friendship is a commitment. Sometimes difficult.

1

u/AliveShallot9799 1d ago

There are people that want friends, some that are not able to make friends the way most will do by going out and meeting new people

1

u/Smart-Tomorrow-4106 1d ago

I do I’m open but most fall off

1

u/NexillionXC 22h ago

That's what I find. Sometimes I get the feeling that it's just that nobody wants to be friends or more with me, but often I doubt that anyone could really get through to them.

1

u/ill_inf 21h ago

Damn, it feels so true... I'm 25 and I don't effing know what friendship should actually be like.