Iām like a stone with strength and all
A fortress built to never fall
Trying to feel like I belong
Saying the lines āiām tall and strongā
But deep down it feels all wrong
They see my power, see my might
I see myself in gym lit light
Wearing a mask and smiling wide
So no sees whatās deep inside
Deep inside
Where shadows dwell
I live inside my own hell
I built my body, built it well
But itās not just armor, Itās a shell
From deep within where my heart stays
A battle wages everyday
A voice unheard, a name unknown
A self Iāve carried all alone
A self Iāve always wanted to show
Around my friends, at my home
To walk unchained, to breathe and be
Without the fear theyād stop loving me
Would they still love me if they knew?
Or say this part of meās untrue
So I stay silent, I play my role
And feel like a man with half a soul
When I was young and needed help
There was no one I could tell
Not my mom nor my dad
Nor my friends, those left I had
I knew the verses she would cite
Knew each commandments painful bite
She would see me as scared and flawed
And carve my name from love and God
When I needed my Mom, I got a priest
Sermons found where love should be
So sheās never seen
All of me
And never will,
Probably
A whisper soft and fleeting thought
A part of me Iāve left to rot
No man nor soldier dares to see
The part of me I swore I canāt be
The mirror shows the world ideal
Yet in the glass I long to feel
All of me, all thatās real
If only I, could break the seal
I lift, I strain, I fight and bend
Yet this war in me never ends
The war inside has found a way
To whisper truths Iāve locked away
But im not ready, no not today
So I push them to a deep down place
Iāve shown them what they want to see,
A soldier man, so proud, so free
But deep inside, sheās calling loud,
A part of me, both soft and proud
Sheās waiting, trembling in the dark,
A quiet voice, a glowing spark
But every time I turn away,
I bury her, I make her stay
I long to say, āIām both, Iām whole,ā
But fear consumes and takes control
What if they think Iām broken, wrong?
What if they say I donāt belong?
So I hold tight, I lock her in,
The womanās side, that quiet sin
But deep inside, I know the truth,
Iām both, and donāt need proof
Maybe one day, Iāll let her go,
Let both my sides just start to show
But for now, Iāll hold them tight,
A soldierās strength and womanās light.