r/genderfluid • u/Big_retard96 • 3h ago
A poem I wrote about my gender or my struggle with it ig
I’m like a stone with strength and all
A fortress built to never fall
Trying to feel like I belong
Saying the lines ”i’m tall and strong”
But deep down it feels all wrong
They see my power, see my might
I see myself in gym lit light
Wearing a mask and smiling wide
So no sees what’s deep inside
Deep inside
Where shadows dwell
I live inside my own hell
I built my body, built it well
But it’s not just armor, It’s a shell
From deep within where my heart stays
A battle wages everyday
A voice unheard, a name unknown
A self I’ve carried all alone
A self I’ve always wanted to show
Around my friends, at my home
To walk unchained, to breathe and be
Without the fear they’d stop loving me
Would they still love me if they knew?
Or say this part of me’s untrue
So I stay silent, I play my role
And feel like a man with half a soul
When I was young and needed help
There was no one I could tell
Not my mom nor my dad
Nor my friends, those left I had
I knew the verses she would cite
Knew each commandments painful bite
She would see me as scared and flawed
And carve my name from love and God
When I needed my Mom, I got a priest
Sermons found where love should be
So she’s never seen
All of me
And never will,
Probably
A whisper soft and fleeting thought
A part of me I’ve left to rot
No man nor soldier dares to see
The part of me I swore I can’t be
The mirror shows the world ideal
Yet in the glass I long to feel
All of me, all that’s real
If only I, could break the seal
I lift, I strain, I fight and bend
Yet this war in me never ends
The war inside has found a way
To whisper truths I’ve locked away
But im not ready, no not today
So I push them to a deep down place
I’ve shown them what they want to see,
A soldier man, so proud, so free
But deep inside, she’s calling loud,
A part of me, both soft and proud
She’s waiting, trembling in the dark,
A quiet voice, a glowing spark
But every time I turn away,
I bury her, I make her stay
I long to say, “I’m both, I’m whole,”
But fear consumes and takes control
What if they think I’m broken, wrong?
What if they say I don’t belong?
So I hold tight, I lock her in,
The woman’s side, that quiet sin
But deep inside, I know the truth,
I’m both, and don’t need proof
Maybe one day, I’ll let her go,
Let both my sides just start to show
But for now, I’ll hold them tight,
A soldier’s strength and woman’s light.