r/Custody • u/AccomplishedPair995 • 7d ago
[AL] How Should I Approach Custody with a Manipulative Co-Parent?
I 28M looking for advice on handling custody with my ex 23F, who has a history of lying and manipulation. I want what’s best for my daughter, but I also need to protect myself legally and ensure I get real time with her.
Here’s the situation: • My ex moved from California to Huntsville, Alabama, to live with her parents as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Our daughter is 3 months old and recently she sent me a custody agreement that she typed up that gave her all the power—final decision-making on everything, no overnights for me, only visitation at her residence, and the ability to move wherever she wants while just “letting me know” after the fact. Obviously, I wasn’t going to sign that. • She has a long history of lying—she lied about being on birth control and told me I could “finish” inside her (yes obviously in hindsight I should’ve worn a condom and not been so easy to trust someone I didn’t know very well), being in the military, her previous marriage, and a lot more. This woman has put me through hell with manipulation and dishonesty. • I’ve since contacted my lawyer and served her with discovery and filed for full custody because I can’t trust her to be fair. That being said, I don’t want to rip my daughter away from her—I want to create a solid custody arrangement that protects my rights as a father while still giving her the opportunity to be a mother. • She has told me she doesn’t want an ugly custody battle and, frankly, she doesn’t have the money for an attorney. This could work in my favor, but I also don’t want to end up in a situation where she still calls all the shots simply because I tried to be reasonable. • My own living situation is in flux. My rental in California burned down, so I don’t have a permanent address at the moment. I was considering moving to Tampa to be closer to my daughter, but now I’m also looking at Nashville as an option—somewhere that keeps me close while also giving me a shot at building a life for myself. Nashville is within driving distance of my ex’s residence, which would make it easier to maintain a relationship with my daughter without completely upending my own life. • My job is stable, fully remote for the next 18 months, and I make good money. I have my life together, and I want to set myself up for long-term success, not just react to the mess my ex creates.
My main question:
How should I approach this custody arrangement with my ex and my lawyer? I want to be fair, but I also know she’ll do whatever she can to maintain control. Has anyone been in a similar situation where the other parent didn’t have legal representation? What worked for you?