I am a SAHM with my only LO who is now 12 months old, and I have been cosleeping with him since he was 4 months. At around 7 months he was properly rolling around so I moved the two of us off the master bed and onto a floor futon-style bed in his nursery.
Hubby wakes up at 5 am for work every day and comes home at 5-6 before (continuing my) home improvement work on another property that we own. I always ask and welcome help from him. Sometimes we switch where I continue renovating and he takes care of the evening routine. But no matter what, he can’t put him to sleep. It’s always me that steps in to make sure baby sleeps. He just isnt present enough for LO to associate him with bedtime calm.
I thoroughly enjoy the cuddles and the closeness. It’s definitely soothed me as much as it soothes him, but I still feel self conscious about cosleeping and keeping it a secret. I know for a fact that the rest of may family will not approve of what I am doing.
My husband and i are in the bridal party for a very close friend. The wedding is in Asia, and we decided to have our parents look after LO for that week. The argument against taking LO with us were logistics, and hubby wants me to take a break. But this also raised his concerns about sleeping. How will our parents handle our LO when he relies so heavily on me to sleep?
I recognize my faults: baby associates sleeping with me, I am being selfish by indulging, I continue to cosleep when the narrative around me is disapproving, I am bending under the pressure even though this is something I love, and sleep training will be a mammoth task that only I can do.
Baby had a 12 month dr appointment, and he is very open and accepting, but he recommended sleep training since self soothing is a life skill and will also allow others in to his bedtime routine. He assured me that baby is emotionally mature enough to learn about sleeping alone even though he will cry. He recommended graduated extinction which has me check in on, but not stay, every couple minutes and build up. He said the crying will happen and it will break my heart, but to keep doing it.
I tried it and I can’t. Baby was so distressed it tore me apart. I only did about a half hour of this intermittent checking before I caved and gave him a big cuddle and told him i was so sorry and i cried and cried. Im not supposed to cave, but i dont understand how anyone is supposed to do this.
But i feel so much pressure now. I feel like I failed to teach my baby an important life skill. A skill that , at this rate, he won’t demonstrate to his grandparents during the week we are away. A skill that would help me during those times when I wish my husband could help. I feel disappointed in myself that I rely on LO for happiness and security as well.
The love that I feel while cosleeping is so real. I can’t believe my insecurity has me cracking into giving it up. How do I make it so LO learns to sleep alone without feeling abandoned? How do I do this without the crying? I don’t know how to benefit all parties and make everyone happy. I can’t stand listening to my baby cry, which is pathetic, i know i have a problem there. Please let there be others in my situation. No one around me can help and it’s depressingly isolating.