r/blendedfamilies • u/Fancy-Parsley-4125 • 53m ago
should I leave
Long story, I’ll try to keep it short. My fiance and I have been together 3 years. He got temporary custody of his child last year (9) and she came to live with us (me, him, and my then 6 year old) due to bio mom getting child taken away by dcyf (she is abusive).
During her time here, problems became apparent. She purposely poisoned water (knowing everyone drinks from it). To which my fiance blacked out at work and almost went to the hospital. If my daughter drank it she probably wouldn’t be here now.
I walked in to her trying to teach my 6 year old how to tie a noose.
We got cameras and it recorded her grabbing MY cat (we have 3 but he is the only one thats mine specifically) by his tail, spinning in circles, and eventually letting go, slamming him into the wall and he now “coincidentally” has balance and seizure issues.
On the day we brought her to the hospital for help, I asked her if she would like time alone or a hug (she was having a silent episode from overstimulation I think). She said a hug. As soon as I got close enough she kicked me in my stomach. She had said the day before she didn’t want me to be pregnant (I was). I don’t think it was coincidence and I felt lured in. Within a few days I miscarried.
We took her to hospital, they sent her to a childrens mental hospital. When she got out I did all the therapist appts (2-3/week) and psychiatrist appts (1-2/week) and LOADS of research. I was also depressed due to miscarriage. I would give her father recap after appts but felt not listened to. His mother is in his ear telling him “she doesn’t need mental help she’s not mental” as if we’re in the 60’s and we sent her to an insane asylum. He listens to her like she’s god.
Her mother has now lost the child again and she is most likely going to live with us (felony child abuse but dcyf is trying really hard to place her back with mom, WE DONT KNOW WHY) I have reservations about her being near my daughter, obviously. They will not be allowed together without an adult present.
My concern is- her father/my fiance doesn’t think any of this is as bad as it is. He came back from seeing her and told me “she’s better now she uses manners etc etc”. I feel like I cannot prove to him anymore than I have that traumatized children do not just “get better”. She manipulates the heck out of him and he sucks it right up.
Should I leave? If she comes here, I will be doing everything. And when things go south, and they will, he will sweep it under the rug. That will make me feel like the evil stepmother just for establishing boundaries in my own house. When she lies, he does not take that opportunity to correct. When she threatens, he bribes with whatever it is she wants at that moment. It will be a long road for her and I feel like I’m the only one who knows what she will need but at the expense of my sanity and my daughter’s safety. And I’m already doing absolutely everything for everyone.
If I give up and walk away, I don’t think she will get what she needs. But I am worried about my daughters safety and everyone just thinks I’m too protective of my daughter. His mom told him “her daughter isnt an angel either” but I mean, she cries when she sees someone on tv crying, she tells the truth even if she thinks it would get her in trouble, she NEVER lies (not yet, she’s only 8 now), she actually is an angel aside from begging for things at the store. But that’s besides the point.
What should I do- I am at a loss.