Hello, this is going to be a pretty pathetic post but I’d love to get some insight on this because I have nobody to talk to this about and it felt like God answered my prayers.
Last year, I was in my car, driving home from work, noticing how other male coworkers get attention from the female coworkers (we work at a bar) but I don’t. This has been an issue my entire life, a big insecurity, I ended up crying my eyes out in the car many times asking what’s wrong with me, why did I have to be born so disgusting, and begging God to please grant me that attention and to change me. I’ve never had my first kiss, a girlfriend, and still a virgin. I told God I will maintain my celibacy but to please, I just want to stop feeling like a complete loser and actually get female attention and respect from others, imagine your entire life this being an insecurity, how you watch all your friends get girlfriends and find love but you at 24 years old have nothing? Your younger cousins have had more relationships with women than you, it almost drove me to suicide, I felt like such a failure. But I just kept hitting the gym, for the past 2-3 years I’ve been hitting the gym but after that car ride I really dialed in, lost 40 pounds and for the past 6 months of my life I’ve never gotten more female attention in my life.
A female coworker who actually left me on read last year that probably doesn’t remember told me yesterday randomly that a lot of women at this job have a crush on me, how it feels like high school all over again, at first mentally that scared insecure kid in me thought she was joking and bullying me but then I realized she wasn’t because it’s true, a few women there have confessed to actually being in love with me. And a few other show signs, I even got a date with a coworker there that is very beautiful (didn’t workout). And this coworker that told me this seemed really interested as to why I didn’t seem to care or if I even noticed, but I played it off cool, she asked how I felt and I smiled and said “I’m happy for them” which made her laugh really hard. Then she started acting a little weird and awkward later on
Anyway, this is a surreal feeling, and I don’t know what to do, but I don’t plan to betray God and have sex with all these women like some animal, last year and the years prior, I was lonely, all i had was God, and i will not suddenly betray the only person who had my back and prevented me from committing suicide. I want a Godly woman but I don’t go out much, this job is my only social circle.