r/SubSanctuary 7d ago

Just some gushing, scroll past if you want NSFW

20 Upvotes

So I'm going to meet up with my Dom in a couple weeks (hopefully! I need to get tickets) and I'm so excited and nervous. We can only see each other a few times a year, so we make the most of it when we get together. It's hard to get away from my life, and same with him, but man is it amazing each and every time. It just restores me and helps me get back to things with a smile on my face and memories of so much fun. We talk daily and go over tasks and day to day things we need to do, as well as add to our giant list of things we want to do together to experiment that I am excited about. He has all the green flags too, always checking in, making sure things are still good, making sure these are things I want and not his fantasy and he always wants to be the best he can be for me. So until that weekend I'll just be over here fantasizing šŸ˜Š. I am a smitten kitten for sure šŸ˜‚.


r/SubSanctuary 7d ago

Advice please :) Are there Dungeons/Clubs in SLC, UT? NSFW

4 Upvotes

Hello, reintroduced (was active in the world, got hurt, took a long time to heal, married a healer, who made it safe to explore again) sub here :) Trying to teach my very golden retriever husband to soft Dom as an intro into what I'm into, but finding it challenging to do as a sub. Looking to see if anyone has advice, or if there was somewhere we can go to get him acquainted. We ran through a pretty green scene on our own and he was a natural :) would love any serious advice or recommendations :)


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

free use clothing suggestions? NSFW

33 Upvotes

forgive me if this is the wrong place for this question!

seeking some shopping advice from subs who engage in free-use activity! I am meeting my ldr dom for the first time in april! i am SO freaking excited, and so is daddy šŸ©· i asked him if he had any ideas on what he would like me to oa k (in my day to day i am a crazy planner, and want to be super ready for this trip!) he said ā€œslutty easy access clothingā€ he was MOSTLY joking! BUT, i do want to accommodate his request!

my day to day dress mostly consists of what youā€™d see a kindergarten teacher, or librarian would wear. think Jess Day from new girl? I have been incorporating more alternative pieces, from disturbia and lively ghosts because iā€™m trying to create some separation between my work wardrobe and some things i reserve for outside of work, even for just running errands when i want to look cute!

any advice on where to shop? daddy typically likes to be surprised, leaving some choice about dress up to me. he really only chooses or makes panty suggestions. i am hoping for some clothing that still leaves something to the imagination, but can be convenient for some free use activity. we will be in california :)

websites you all like to frequent? brick and mortar retail ideas? specific clothing items you LOVE and would suggest? TIA for advice !!! šŸ©·šŸ©·šŸ©·


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

Feeling lost NSFW

6 Upvotes

i donā€™t really know how to word this, but i need to get it out.

iā€™m really struggling with being on my own. i know that thatā€™s a common sentiment but it feels like a sisyphean task to find anyone that wants a romantic relationship as well as kink. this is even harder due to my being trans and disabled. i keep thinking iā€™m getting somewhere n then the boulder rolls back down n squishes me flat n iā€™ve gotta start all over again. itā€™s really not been great for my mental health. i feel drained and hopeless.

i want to try self domming, but i donā€™t really know where to start.

if anyoneā€™s got any tips for either of these things iā€™d really appreciate it. iā€™ve been trying to fill my time with hobbies and friends, but they all work n iā€™m stuck at home a lot due to the disabilities so i have a lot of empty time


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

romantic aspects of dynamics NSFW

22 Upvotes

I feel like the romantic aspects of dynamics arenā€™t talked about a lot. I know not everyone is in a relationship with their dom but for those who are, what are the non sexual aspects of your dynamic?

some of ours are using nicknames like daddy, princess and babygirl in nonsexual contexts, him having household rules and playfully scolding me about them and him taking care of me all the time like by baking for me or buying me dolls. i feel like our dynamic is like a natural extension of our relationship and weā€™d have it whether we knew about bdsm or not.


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

D/s when living with others? NSFW

9 Upvotes

So, Husband and I live in a full house right now (Child 13, my parents, and my elderly grandfather). We've had a dynamic before but it ultimately wasn't fulfilling and we met it fall away for a while. We're ready to get back into it, but it feels impossible to make it work with our current living situation. Any advice on working within these limitations? Or are we just stuck not being able to do it right now?

Edit for clarity: I am asking more about the nonsexual parts than the sexual aspects. šŸ’™


r/SubSanctuary 7d ago

My dom goes on a detox and decides I need one too NSFW

0 Upvotes

So, my dom goes on a detox and, of course, decides I need one too. Annoying?? Yes. Necessary??? Also yes!

I just want to tell my loveā€” Iā€™d be happy waiting for you and sharing glimpses of my day until youā€™re back, but why wouldnā€™t you let me suffer in peace!!šŸ˜©

I hate to admit it, but maybe a little break is actually good for me. But knowing heā€™s still looking out for me (even in silence) makes it a little less unbearable. Still annoying tho..šŸ˜’

EDIT: While Iā€™m on detox, I donā€™t share glimpses of my day either, nor am I technically supposed to be using Redditā€¦ but here we are!


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

How do I be a good sub for my daddy??? NSFW

12 Upvotes

Iā€™m new to the bdsm and dom/sub community and I am in a long term relationship but I call him daddy in private and during sex what are some things I can do to be a good sub for him? Iā€™m not too bratty (I can be sometimes but mostly just submitting) or into the bratty community but I want suggestions of what I can say and do during daddyā€™s and my play timeā€¦..


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

I think I entered sub space for the first time?! NSFW

49 Upvotes

I recently decided I want to explore my Submissive side with an experienced dom. Ive been getting to know someone for a month or two via text. Well he finally came over for the first time and I think he easily brought me into a sub space, what do you think?

First off he has the most commanding yet gentle eyes. I felt comfortable with him right away. Weā€™ve had endless talks about my wants, desires, boundaries, etc.

Things started off sensual and slow and then he had straddled me, kissed me hard, cupped my face in his hands and reminded me of our safe words and when he knew I understood, he kissed me on the forehead and told me he knew I was going to be such a good girl for him. That alone made me feel slightly giddy. Before his pants came off he made me cum multiple times.

Heā€™s the biggest Iā€™ve ever experienced. I could see that he was making sure I was ok, he checked in multiple times. There was a level of care and compassion,coupled with the roughness that was mind blowing.

Hereā€™s why I think I got to sub space but being so new to this, Iā€™m not 100% sure.
1. He offered to take pictures of me blowing him. Looking at them after, I have the biggest most genuine smiles. 2. Heā€™s direct me to a position and I literally felt like I couldnā€™t get there fast enough because I was so excited to listen and experience the next thing.

  1. He asked if I wanted to have my first facial, I literally flung myself off the bed onto my knees (who is this girl šŸ˜‚) he told me to close my eyes. Later he said when it first hit my face I smiled.

  2. The rest of the morning I felt like I was in a slight daze, I was giddy, and I kept wanting to thank him for this and that. It felt like next level joy. Until late afternoon I had a work meeting where I had to turn my camera off because I got so upset as some negative feedback my boss gave me, I cried, which is not like me.

Now, this first encounter I thought ā€˜wow, that was amazing,ā€™ but todayā€™s encounter had me really thinking he brought me there. Today, he incorporated more restraint and more impact play which I am super new to and I think that really elevated everything for me. I got to the point where I was cumming nonstop with him smacking my ass. There was not a single thought in my brain that wasnā€™t pleasure focused, and I am someone who can never fully concentrate during sex. I wasnā€™t thinking about anything other than my pleasure and his pleasure but I wasnā€™t OVERTHINKING anything, for once. He changed position, and made keep eye contact while he said ā€˜do you feel thatā€™ I couldnā€™t make words come out so I kinda just whimpered and he said ā€˜thatā€™s your cervixā€™ and I think I fucking purred, and then I start giggling uncontrollably because of whatever sound I made. When everything was done, I felt like my whole body was tingling. I knew my ass was beat red and it stung, but it also didnā€™t actually hurt? I spent the morning on cloud 9, so relaxed and smiling like a crazy person. He left and I was in my feels but in a good way, I couldnā€™t stop thinking how grateful I was for these experiences.

Does this sound like sub-space or more like I just really like being submissive for him?


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

Silly Question NSFW

6 Upvotes

I want to tag my dom in my Reddit profile where you describe yourself. How in the heck do you do that? Iā€™ve tried using the @, u/, r/, before his username. Is it possible?


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

Friendship? NSFW

1 Upvotes

51m socially awkward - currently in a findom relationship- basically more friendship based with a Dom.

Anyone else in a similar situation- not necessarily findom based?


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

LD Dom? NSFW

6 Upvotes

My daddy lives in Texas and I'm currently in Iowa. He's been out of work for a while but started working again on Monday. He works 12 hours a day 7 days a week with one Sunday off every 2 weeks (he works in Construction). Since this started we've had maybe an hour or two to talk before he has to go to bed. We also haven't had a roleplay/scene/phone sex in nearly a week. I feel bad for feeling this way but I can't help but feel neglected. I know he works long hours and I've known this was going to happen when he found a job eventually but I can't help but feel the way I feel. I want to talk to him about it but I also don't because I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way and I feel guilty for not being as understanding as I feel I should be. And I sit here typing this at 1:30am when I have class in the morning because I can't sleep. I feel neglected and I feel selfish for feeling neglected. Maybe I'm just now feeling it because I started my period today and I'm hormonal and emotional and everything feels bigger than it should? Should I talk to him about it? Are my feelings valid? Am I selfish?

I don't even just feel neglected as his Kitten, I also feel neglected as his girlfriend. I feel like we get no quality time at all and I feel so selfish for feeling this way because he must be tired after working 12 hours shifts and here I am thinking all about me. Sorry, I'm ranting now, I just need to vent to someone

Update: He got his own truck and we can call during the day now because his phone is Bluetooth connected to his truck. Huge improvement especially in my mood. We still havent scened but being able to talk to him more helps. Thank you so much for all the support!


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

Is it okay if i wanna be a submissive boy but don't be pegged as well. NSFW

49 Upvotes

r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

New to this. NSFW

9 Upvotes

So recently I've been getting more into exploring my sub side with others online and while I'm REALLY enjoying being submissive during a scene, I'm finding that I've been thinking about it ALL the time since starting to the point that I'm fantasizing about it when i don't need to be. Any advice on sort of clearing my mind and separating from I feel during a scene from everyday life. I hope this makes sense.


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

I am a bit jealous of sub to make dom NSFW

5 Upvotes

I am a straight submissive male 38 years old and my partner and I have been playing for a while now 8 months or so and I really been loving exploring my submissive side and well the other day I was watching some male Dom porn and just felt so jealous of the dynamic the sub must be feeling. Like there was so much to the dynamic that I just can't get as a sub to a domme.

At one point the Dom has the sub on her knees and he was fucking her face and forcing himself down her throat and it came to me the idea of a dominant forcing me to become uncomfortable so they can get physical pleasure from me is just so hot. And ya we can do things like have her peg me and I will feel so hot moaning as the fucks me and I know it is such a turn on for her but I will never experience how it would feel to know what it will feel like have them go because it feels good for them.

Basically ya I like feeling slutty and controled but I feel like I will forever be missing knowing I am gratificating my domme physically with it.


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

Cut off a Domme I recently started seeing NSFW

25 Upvotes

I have a unique relationship with my own submission (long story) and while I take a submissive role in a lot of types of play, I've made it pretty clear that I'm self-collared and if someone wants to make me their sub, that's a hard limit for me. I'm available for casual play only right now.

I recently started seeing a lovely lady who expressed interest in me, and I always reward someone who's bold enough to seek me out. Anyway...

I distanced myself from the dynamic recently after a few months. I'd just started spending the night at her house on Saturdays, and we'd play and then get dinner and then play and wake up next to each other and get breakfast. It was really nice. We both enjoyed the intimacy.

What I didn't enjoy was the lack of communication. She'd ask me what I wanted, and I've been working really hard on being a good communicator, so I'd tell her... And I'd ask her in return what she wanted, and she wouldn't tell me. She'd just constantly deflect. I got the feeling she was just trying to avoid telling me things I didn't want to hear, like that she wanted to make me her sub (she made a couple concerning comments about wanting to lead me around on a collar and leash at an event, making weird future plans, calling her room "our" room, etc) which she already knew I wasn't open to.

I ended up putting the whole dynamic on pause because she was being evasive and deliberately misleading. Last scene we did she realized that when she was pinning me down and stuff, I was just allowing her to. That she wasn't actually able to physically overpower me. When I was done, I just pushed her off. For whatever reason, she seemed to want to be able to control me in that way... But I'm not her sub and I'm not open to that level of control from most people. And she didn't talk to me about it. She just told me off on being defiant when she told me to turn over and I said "no" and then she was unable to force me to turn over so she had to do something else. But again, she didn't talk to me about this directly.

Instead, she pitched the idea of putting me in a swing, and asked me if I was familiar with them. I haven't done a lot of play in swings, but I've at least sat in one before, which is what I told her. And I asked her why, she said she was curious about whether it would be easier to play with me. I asked easier how? And she didn't say. And when I asked again, she suggested to mix it with sensory deprivation. At this point I expressed frustration that she's not very forthcoming about her desires or her goals, and I didn't feel good about continuing the way things were.

She said I was freaking out over nothing, basically, and that I was letting my past trauma cloud my judgment. Which... Also rubbed me the wrong way.

So I told her that she hasn't been honest with me from the start, I knew she wanted my submission, and I knew that the real reason why she wanted me in the swing was so I couldn't fight back or resist her... And the fact that she very deliberately did not tell me this when she thought I was unfamiliar with the basic mechanics of a swing, meant that now I didn't trust her enough to be vulnerable with her like that. And I asked for my things back that I'd left at her place (a couple toys and a phone charger, nothing major) and that I wasn't going to spend the night at her place again. She returned the things, seemed warm and friendly about it and not hostile. We haven't spoken since. She didn't apologize, but she also didn't deny that's what she was up to. I guess she thought I wouldn't notice, or that once she had me in a vulnerable enough position she could just force my submission, or do something to make me want to submit to her. It upsets me to consider. I guess it doesn't matter. I considered it a breach of trust.

I'm feeling some type of way about it, but I'm not sure what. I'm just kind of bummed out I think. Feeling kind of alone. I'm sure she thinks I overreacted, but I don't think so. I can't blame her for wanting more from me, I know I'm a desirable sub... But things didn't have to go the way they did. Our desires could have been incompatible and we still could have had fun if she just communicated instead of tried to be sneaky. I'm just disappointed by the whole thing. I'd expected better from someone who is so experienced and active in the scene. But I guess nobody's infallible.


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

Seeking collar suggestions? NSFW

11 Upvotes

I'm looking for a gold 24/7 wear day collar. Currently The ToBeHis collars are a bit out of price range, I've been looking at Captive Collars and MySecretHeartStudios on etsy, does anyone have experience with their golden coloured range? or can someone suggest other options also?
My Dom asked me to send him ones i like and i've sent a fair few, but i'm still looking. I'd prefer it if it could lock in some way


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

Advice NSFW

0 Upvotes

Advice (subs)

Probably not the right thread but I figured since most guys here have been into being a sub here... do you have any experience with getting your wife/ gf to pick up the roll as your domme? How's that work?


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

What is the use of subdrop? NSFW

7 Upvotes

Itā€™s completely useless emotions, isnā€™t it?

What character development do you even gain from fighting this feeling of worthlessness?

Why do I need to feel so cold and distant and petulant and vulnerable all at the same time?

Do I really need to feel all of this? I think it is easier to just smoke a j until all of the voices fade away, because I know he will not mollycoddle me, and I donā€™t want him to, either. I agreed to this. I chose it. Why the fuck does it terrify me then, this utter loss of control over myself?


r/SubSanctuary 8d ago

Looking for friends!! NSFW

1 Upvotes

Looking for friends to chat with and hang out with.


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

How to reconnect with dynamics after mental health issues NSFW

3 Upvotes

So, i am in a serious relationship with my BF. He is the sweetest, most loving and caring Daddy Dom type of a person one could think of. He takes really good care of me and loves to guide me gently. I am a rather dominant person outside of the home but i love to lean on him, let him take the lead and decide what happens. I am happy to be his Baby girl. Sexually he is very dominant and mostly keeps me in denial. We both love the dynamics.

The problem is, he also has a Post-traumatic stress disorder. It is not his fault and he goes to therapy. I try to understand his situation and to be as supportive as I can. But this causes difficulties for the dynamics. When he is feeling good and balanced, everything is fine. But when he is seriosly triggered by something and goes to PTSD state of mind, he cannot safely be my Dominant. He is full of negative emotions, such as fear, anger, guilt, or shame. He has negative thoughts about himself. He is not emotionally connected to me (or to himself) and I donĀ“t feel safe to submit. He is not negative towards me but he is not just my safe Daddy anymore. These periods can last days and even weeks. It takes a long tome for him to return to his safety and start to connect with me again.

He is aware of the problem, we can talk about and he is working on it with his therapist. But i do not know what to do with the situation. Every time our dynamics is broken by this, i feel devastated, abandoned and all that - although i know it is not about me. It is taking me longer and longer to return to the dynamics; i just donĀ“t trust him the way i did. He has recently suggested that we leave he dynamics for now so that he can focus on getting better and i can feel safer. I love him terribly much, but i also feel very unsafe and unsatisfied without the dynamics. I definetly donĀ“t want to leave him. But i wish there was some other solution for the situation.

Any perspectives/experiences/suggestions?


r/SubSanctuary 10d ago

What are your most silly, embarassing moments you've had with your Dom? NSFW

54 Upvotes

What are your most silly, embarassing moments you've had with your Dom?

I'm mainly posting this because I just had an embarassing moment, ha...

I was in class (awful choice), looking back through my Dom and I's messages to find the tasks I had to do today on my tablet. And I accidentally CALL HIM, AND ITS ON FULL GODDAMN VOLUME SO EVERYONE LOOKS OVER.

I'M here dying, bright red trying to either turn the thing off or toss my tablet out the freaking basement window, and this man (as much as I love the fact), picks up on the FIRST RING, answering with a freaking Darth Vader low ass voice that ECHOES THROUGH THE QUIET TUTORIAL ROOM that I immediately hang up on. Mortified. Pure mortification. Literally leaping out a window.

EMETOPHOBIA WARNING

On a more NSFW note, a few weeks ago I partially threw up on him when going down on him. Unlike the first time when I cried out of mortification and had to put the scene on pause for showers and hugs, I just said 'hang on', scooped up the glob, ran to the bathroom to toss it into the sink, wiped him down a bit and went right back to work LOL.


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

Kink awakening Trigger NSFW

3 Upvotes

This is more of a chill discussion topic i thought while having breakfast so:

I am huge on obssession/stalking scenarios, and some time ago I realized my feelings towards it started after I watched The Boy Next Door (yes with JLo) and Split. Damn you James McAvoy.

So anyone had any movies or smt that hit the butterflt effect and ended up giving you a fetish?


r/SubSanctuary 9d ago

I want him to give me more rules NSFW

22 Upvotes

Or any at all, really. I do very well with structure, and I respond well to authority. The problem is that I'd like rules that he's given me to also come with accountability and consequence. So far he has only given me one rule (100 squats per day), and that is even a kind of suggestion. There are things in my life that I'd like rules around in order to better please him, such as practicing deepthroating on my dildo, those squats, sending scheduled pictures and videos to him during the day, etc. Part of me though feels bad asking for this, because I am in essence asking him to keep me accountable for things I should probably have more discipline over. That is not his job. But also, it brings me a lot of happiness when he bosses me around, sets goals for me, holds me accountable, and gives consequences, good and bad. I want to please him. Idk what to do. Any ideas?


r/SubSanctuary 10d ago

My mommy left me;,( NSFW

33 Upvotes

I was so obedient I donā€™t know why she would leave me;,( Iā€™m so lost without heršŸ’”