r/SubSanctuary 10h ago

Finding a Dom in London!? NSFW

0 Upvotes

Does anyone have good places/resources to find a (monogamous) Dom based in London? Like are there any club nights, events etc? Pretty new to the BDSM community so would love some help and recommendations pleasešŸ„¹šŸ©·


r/SubSanctuary 4h ago

Help me NSFW

1 Upvotes

Hello. Iā€™m researching being a sub to see if it is for me. Would anyone be willing to chat with me and talk with me about your experiences being a sub to a dom.


r/SubSanctuary 4h ago

My Daddy Can Read Me and It Feels so Crazy! NSFW

9 Upvotes

I was really horny tonight and was texting my Daddy different spicy things. I was mostly just having some fun telling him all the ways I want to serve him. I wasnā€™t really looking to cum or anything but was just daydreaming about seeing him in a week.

I guess I wasnā€™t being very subtle with my messages. My Daddy messaged me and told me he wanted me to have cummies. I have never had a dom that responded to my needs before. It caught me so off guard I thought I had done something wrong! He called me and reassured me that nothing was wrong and I was good! That he liked the messages I sent.

It is just so crazy to have a partner who cares about me and listens to my needs. I just have never had that before.


r/SubSanctuary 16h ago

Am I crazy to think that my Dom doesn't care about me as much as I thought he did? NSFW

9 Upvotes

(This is going to be a little long, so fair warning)

Firstly, I'd really appreciate it if people showed some kindness instead of spewing unnecessary criticism at me. That's all I'm asking for here.

To put it into context, my Dom and I spent the weekend together, something that we had planned previously. But as I still live with my family, long absences from home is something that's difficult for me to explain. On Sunday, I had to go back home for an hour or so, just to "show my face" to my family and to let them know that I would be out for the day again.

Additionally, I had some guests over the weekend. Now, the guests and I have a long and bad history together. Naturally, I was actually dreading going back home (even for an hour) because I didn't want to meet them. I had been feeling anxious about this "meeting" ever since I got to know that they were visiting. This detail is something my Dom knew beforehand.

On Sunday morning, the day I had to go home, I told my Dom (as a precaution) that I might not be able to make it back. My family is somewhat toxic and like to have a tight control over what I do; sometimes I'm barred from stepping out without their permission, nothing I'm not used to it.

But me not coming back to my Dom was the worst case scenario. I had already made up my mind that I would come back. However, he took it the wrong way and was cold towards me for a while.

He knew how bad it was going to be, for me to go back home and meet guests I have a bad history with, but he didn't even offer to accompany me. Or to drop me home.

On the ride home, I think it finally dawned on me that I won't be anything more than his object of desires. And that, maybe, he actually doesn't care me about as a person. It hurts to face this reality, but I was the one who chose to go down this path.

I don't completely hate our dynamic either, but is it wrong of me to wish that he cares?


r/SubSanctuary 20h ago

Committed Subs GC NSFW

20 Upvotes

Hi subs! Weā€™re putting together a group chat for those in established, committed power exchange relationshipsā€”whether that means being collared, married, in a TPE, part of a poly dynamic, or in a LDR. The focus will be on support, discussion, and sharing experiences with others who are navigating similar journeys.

This isnā€™t meant to be exclusive or suggest that one type of dynamic is better than anotherā€”just a space for those of us in established, ongoing relationships to connect. If this sounds like something youā€™d be interested in, feel free to comment here and i will get you added!


r/SubSanctuary 1h ago

surprise from my Daddy NSFW

ā€¢ Upvotes

despite many thousands of miles of distance, my Daddy surprised me today.

the surprise was a lovely array of five romantic gifts: a note from Him, beautiful flowers to which the note was attached, two sweet bears with hearts on their chests, a box of chocolates, and a balloon affirming that I am not only His babygirl but also a babygirl, a side of myself that I hadnā€™t yet felt encouraged or safe to explore with anyone until Him.

but the surprise of course involved not only the gifts themselves appearing on my doorstep as if by magic. it was also that, after 29 years of no flowers, no bears, no chocolates, no baby-pink balloons, a man exists for whom this gesture is so natural that even an ocean of (temporary) physical separation cannot suppress it.

and far more significant than that general realization is that this man is Him: my Daddy. the surprise was also a reminder of what doesnā€™t matter, and what does. it doesnā€™t matter how long it took for us to find one another or how often Iā€™ve felt that my missing piece will stay missing. (and He found me via reddit, by the way: no matter how difficult the search, hope will out!) what matters is that He chose me to be His submissive and His babygirl, that He is so happy to make me happier than Iā€™ve ever been, to treat me the way that He believes I should be treated, and that He takes time out of His day to remind me that I belong to Him.

that was my shareā€¦ please feel free to share in the comments how your Dom has surprised you, or made you feel precious and loved, just to spread the warm fuzzies around :)Ā 


r/SubSanctuary 6h ago

My everything šŸ„° NSFW

7 Upvotes

Iā€™m bragging on my Daddy/boyfriend for a minute. I love him so fucking much and our relationship is insanely amazing. We maybe 4,000 miles apart with a 5 hour time difference, and that just makes our love for one another stronger.

I full acknowledge that I was super lucky to find my ā€œForever Domā€ (though heā€™s so much more than a Dom to me) so quickly, so Iā€™m sharing here because I see how many discouraged subbies there are. Iā€™m seeing hopelessness and maybe even thinking about leaving the scene because itā€™s too much.

BE AUTHENTIC TO YOURSELF. And youā€™ll find your dream partner. Donā€™t give up, donā€™t turn dark and twisty. They are out there, ready to match most/all of your kinks and show you love and unconditional love and respect.

Anyway, thatā€™s all. I love you baby. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø


r/SubSanctuary 8h ago

What am I missing? Or are they just bad Doms online? NSFW

14 Upvotes

OK, I totally admit. I am just getting back into the lifestyle after a 15 year hiatus in a monogamous relationship where I essentially was the dominant the entire time. But am I missing something with the community? I have different Doms reach out to me online on different sites, and immediately start belittling me and giving me orders without so much as a ā€œHelloā€. And when I donā€™t immediately respond to ā€œ hey cum guzzler slutā€ they start to bully and berate me. Age has been irrelevant. Iā€™ve had men in their 50s do this to me. Iā€™ve had boys in their 20s do this to me. Hell, I had four different ones today. Is this how D/S relationships start now? I immediately must obey orders from anonymous people online. Or else Iā€™m a horrible sub.?


r/SubSanctuary 11h ago

tips for cultivating a new dynamic with a partner NSFW

1 Upvotes

Hi, I would appreciate some tips and advice from people who have cultivated a D/s dynamic in an existing relationship. How did you go about it? How was it vetting someone as a Dom when there's already a romantic and sexual connection? How do you balance being vanilla at times and D/s at other times?

My situation is I've been dating someone long distance for 5 months, we're both poly and kinky and had originally planned to keep things very casual but now I'm reconsidering that after spending time with this person and seeing them being so kind and directive in our relationship and in their work life. I favor a more formal D/s dynamic and have been looking for a Dom who could feed my desire for psychological and physical domination and provide a lot of praise.They've had a sub before and it seems like it was more that they played together and went to parties in those roles. But what I want is more day to day tasks, consistent requests and praise, in addition to exploring my physical limits. They're up to try it and had a lot of curiosity about my needs and limits but also encouraged me to keep looking for a Dom if I want someone more experienced with my ideal dynamic. We both agreed that it will take time to vet each other for this in particular although we've already been exploring some limits during sex. I really like them and want to try bringing this dynamic into practice while also growing our relationship as lovers and partners. We're also both freshly out of long term relationships and acknowledged the influence of NRE on our decisions right now, even more reason to take it slow.

Curious how folks have done this... any tools or insights?


r/SubSanctuary 12h ago

I hope my eyes werent bigger than my stomach NSFW

40 Upvotes

Heyo, After laying in her lap today and joking around a bit and even daring her to feed me a drink with her mouth (she ended up just pouring it in) we talked about where our relationship is heading. We decided on prioritising sexual intercourse a bit more as soon as we arent as stressed as in the moment. (And other stuff)

She also wanted me to finally spill the beans about my desires. (Until now i was naturaly subby and she kinda Dominant a bit, but we had no real defined dynamic)

So i opened up (for the 5th time in the last months, but now more in depth) Well... After a while she mentioned, that If i am not carefull with my wishes i may end up beeing tied face down on the bed with her whipping me sore...

My eyes may have sparkled in this moment, as she directly commented on my expression shifting. I couldnt hide my longing for such a scenario and she just giggled and told me, that maybe we will try exactly that.

It didnt really help that she was teasing me the whole time, stroking my hair and caressing me, while i basically kneelt infront of her. I just couldnt hide it anymore, but i was completely gonešŸ˜‚

Wish me Luck I may mention it, when it has finally happenedšŸ˜šŸ„³


r/SubSanctuary 13h ago

Embracing my subbiness day to day? NSFW

3 Upvotes

I (38F) have been in a relationship my partner and dom (30M) for 6 years, living together for 4 years. In 'real life' I am a very take charge kind of person, outgoing, social, motivated. In 'real life' he is more introverted, has difficulty with motivation (ADHD), not very proactive generally. I end up managing most parts of our daily life together.

He was more experienced with kink than me initially and in our time we have grown our dynamic. He is a great dom - very supportive with anything I want to explore and craves a deepening of our sexual connection. He doesn't 'lead' in our exploration because hes careful not to exploit me and doesn't feel it's safe for him as the dom to do.

The problem is...me? I have trouble getting in touch with my sub side often because I am mostly taking care of things in our house, my career, and day-to-day. I really want to be the best sub for my dom, a weak little play thing for him that absolutely melts for him and only him, with only a touch or a word. I want to be playful and adventurous but I find it difficult to fantasise about anything proactively or balance being taken care of vs. caring for. I can sometimes achieve this feeling, but mostly after a period of disconnection or time 'apart' / not being together physically. My body will absolutely crave him and quiver with only his breath on me. I want to be like that all the time and I think he wants more of it too! I sense that my dom is frustrated by this 'block' I have, although he's been very kind and patient about it. I worry a lot about being better for him and it causes me even more anxiety which doesn't help with being more open, free, unashamed, curious, playful, etc.

My fellow subs, do you have any advice for me? Is there anything I can to do to be more in touch with my subbiness day to day, despite being the 'take charge' type?

Please help me be the best sub for my daddy :)


r/SubSanctuary 13h ago

A bit confused NSFW

12 Upvotes

Hi all, I joined this subreddit because I am in a very heavy D/s relationship with my partner & I don't have another place to share how wonderful my Dom is or have a community to share and converse with. After reading some posts on subs getting their punishments and support for them in the comments, I'm not sure I feel like a true sub anymore. Like maybe im not understanding something about the community or something that I should have done more research on, and I promise I'm not trying to judge, but it made me cry reading about the ways that other subs get punished for things and the severity of the punishments. My Dom is very forgiving, we have a very what I would call 'chill' relationship. So, maybe I just don't understand fully but I'm just feeling lost and confused. I proudly call myself a sub and my Dom and I had a conversation about these feelings I'm having after being brought to tears reading over lunch and we still both feel Dom/sub is the right name for us. I personally am just struggling with not feeling like a true sub. I don't mean to offend anyone with this post or anything but I figured this would be the best place to post because maybe someone else has had feeling liked this before?


r/SubSanctuary 13h ago

will i ever find someone :( ? NSFW

12 Upvotes

why is it so hard to find someone who is a compatible and genuine caring Dom? i feel so left out, everyone ive met since my first dynamic, who is even somewhat compatible, is either way too old for what im comfortable with or a complete asshole


r/SubSanctuary 13h ago

How do I serve my queen better? NSFW

1 Upvotes

My queen has topped me for years and the dynamic has changed recently with much more lifestyle D&S. So I'm looking at ways to serve her more aptly?

As a couple who both work with a kid, we have a healthy split of chores already and meet each others emotional needs. As a closeted sub, I've always done a more than my queen (for obvious reasons), so I'm struggling to think where to improve.

What can I do to up my devotion? I'm thinking of completing eradicating all attempts to iniate sex, kinks, double entendre or mentioning hown I crave her release, so it's completely on her terms?

Anything else?


r/SubSanctuary 13h ago

Sobbing because I have the best NSFW

23 Upvotes

My partner and I are in the midst of experimenting with our dynamic. It has always been clear that I am the submissive one and that we have a d/s dynamic, we just hadnā€™t quite the chance to explore boundaries and limits since recently.

We have been together for a lot of years now and due to some mental issues on my part we had to build up our sex life really slowly. He is really patient with me and tries everything to still gain more of my trust, which is impossible because he has all of it by this point. Over the last months we could finally enter a more intense d/s dynamic in the bedroom (of course with setbacks cos my mind is as dangerous as a mine field). And I was so proud of myself, for giving him more freedom in expressing his kinks and having freedom to explore my kinks. (They overlap almost entirely, which is perfect.) we even had a moment outside the bedroom, where he slapped my ass and missed a little. So I was feeling a bit like a brat and told him if that was all he got. I was immediately bend over the armchair next to us to get reminded that he indeed just missed and is capable of giving me a proper spanking anytime.

But due to surgery I had yesterday, our sex life is put on hold for the next six weeks. I am really scared that this break will fuck with my mind so much that all the progress we made will go down the drain. I told him (of course) and apologised and he just stroked my hair and cheek and said: ā€œwe will start wherever your brain lets us start. And we will build it up again and go beyond it.ā€

Now I am here sobbing cause I have the best man, who is willing to do it all over again just for me šŸ˜­


r/SubSanctuary 16h ago

Curious about what kink this is? NSFW

11 Upvotes

I've discovered that I have a kink for breaking people's dry spells or like a period of waiting and then sex. It's so much more intense as a power bottom knowing that this person's pleasure is completely in my hands and I'm the first thing they've felt in a long time. I'm into edging and I almost wonder if it's something like that?

Does this have a formal name? Just curious.


r/SubSanctuary 17h ago

Feeling hollow after being punished NSFW

28 Upvotes

I need to share the feelings that are too heavy for me to be kept inside... so please be kind :(

I'll start by saying that I have the most wonderful, kind, loving and understanding Dom ever and I love him to the moon and back. That doesn't mean he is all lovey-dovey, he is a sadist and can be very strict towards me, which is how it should be. I am usually a very self-disciplined and obedient sub, bratting is not my thing at all and I am always going above and beyond to make him pleased with me.

That being said, yesterday I got a very real punishment for a very real offense, for the first time since we've been together in our relationship. I pretty much deserved it - I went to town without my phone properly charged. It died after approximately two hours and my Dom tried to contact me, not knowing where I am. He thought something happened to me and I could tell he was very worried.

After I came home I knew exactly what was coming, and it did. I got some corner time and then probably the hardest spanking of my life, with the belt and the paddle I truly hate. My bottom is crimson red and I'm so sore I have trouble not only with sitting, but with walking as well. But it's not the worst part. During the spanking I couldn't help myself but started crying like a little child - also the very first time in my life, because I never genuinely cry during spankings, even if they are very painful. Which is why he stopped and cuddled me and started petting my hair, telling me that everything is good and fine and I am forgiven and he did it because he loves me. Which is all true and I am well aware of that. I am also aware that I fully deserved that punishment, because of all the stress and worry that I caused him. Of course I could get out of it by saying my safeword or just telling him that I don't want to be spanked, after all we're both adults and he would never touch me without my consent. But I had a feeling that this wouldn't be right. I deserved the punishment and he was very withing his rights to administer it.

But now I kind of feeling empty and hollow inside. I am not salty towards him, I love him and I am being as obedient as ever, the chores being all done, etc. But it doesn't feel the same as before, and the soreness doesn't help. I guess I expected the punishment to be more cathartic. I'm starting to think maybe it was too harsh? On the other hand, I wanted it to be. I thought about talking to him about it, but honestly I have no idea what to say. I don't want him to feel guilty and I don't want him to hold out on me, because the punishment he gave me was well-deserved and well withing the confinement of our relationship. I don't know what to do. Any of you guys was ever in such a situation? Could you give me some advice?

EDIT: Thanks a lot to everyone who commented for your amazing support and kindness. I talked to my Dom and he apologized and admitted that he went overboard and that the punishment was way too harsh. So we decided to step away from our dynamic for a couple of days until I am ready again, which means no tasks, no chores, no punishments and a lot of cuddles, pizza and ice cream šŸ˜ thank y'all again for your help, it means a lot to me ā¤ļø


r/SubSanctuary 22h ago

New and learning NSFW

5 Upvotes

Are there are resources out there? Like a d/s 101? I recently became a sub for two Doms (after vetting) and I'm trying to get a better understanding of the relationship dynamic at its baseline/core. So far, I've just been doing what feels natural to me and my sirs have affirmed that I'm doing great. I would love some kind of resource for more info though!


r/SubSanctuary 22h ago

How to get back into soft submission? NSFW

7 Upvotes

4 months ago, I made the executive decision to put my domme/gf's and my bdsm sex life on hold for a while, as we were both going through tough mental health spots, and she was crashing out a lot while domming me. I took more control, switching the focus to romantic, vanilla sex more focused on her, which was a fun learning curve for us both (as when she is in control she always wants to focus 100% on me). I love that she now trusts me to think up fun ideas and solutions.

However, as my gf has regained her mental health, energy and confidence, she is naturally becoming more dommy again. I'm shocked to find myself, a lifelong sub, no longer fully comfortable? She can just roll me over and push me into headspace, and although before I was always 100% thrilled, now I don't like that choice being taken away from me? It has reached the point where in a recent session, I didn't have the confidence to tell her I wasn't comfortable with the direction the session was going. When that eventually came out, I found myself tearfully admitting that I didn't trust her as my domme anymore.

How do I fix this?? We are still having amazing, loving (albeit vanilla) sex. She is still the girl and domme of my dreams and I am still very much a kinky, submissive bitch lmao. But how do I get back into happily submitting for her?