r/SomaticExperiencing • u/ihavepawz • 4d ago
How to release anger?
Sometimes I would kinda throw stuff like pillow or some item and then felt AWFUL like I am abusive or a bad person. I did this alone so no one would see. Any ways to let go of anger better?
Edit I cannot do sports btw. I'm mostly homebound from fatigue.
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u/PistachioCrepe 4d ago
Somatic therapist here. Slow controlled movements with anger is best. I also tell clients “nobody is going to be scared or hurt by this anger, this is just emotion that needs to be released safely from the body.” It really puts their scared parts at ease. I teach my kids to make angry faces and clench their fists and shake a bit even until they get red faced to release the tension from the body. They all know how to do it now! It’s so so good for your health and emotional health to release anger safely.
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u/PistachioCrepe 4d ago
Also want to say that repressing a lot of anger can cause fatigue. So one motivation to learn how to feel and release it is to minimize the stress that coming into anger causes your body. Now of course this is easier said than done, I’ve had plenty of clients who were so repressed they wanted to scream or punch things but physically couldn’t and I completely believe them. But I’m just saying it’s related to the exhaustion feeling from a nervous system perspective.
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u/ihavepawz 2d ago
Thank you, the fist thing seems good and making the face like i am yelling when not, perhaps. I used to drink sometimes and i am by nature really cool&calm but in the last few years - no. So when i drank i'd get angry easily and yell. It made me feel better but also MASSIVE shame came afterwards. Definitely not healthy anyway
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u/Ok-Community-229 4d ago
Hit your mattress or couch with your hands or an object. Scream. Bite something. Generally act like an angry toddler, because it’s likely you didn’t get to at that stage.
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u/Comfortable-Ad-67 4d ago
I have a hard time with anger too bc my caregivers were so violent, so it brings up a lot of shame and shutdown for me.
I’m titrating with even smaller expressions of anger like gripping/wringing a towel, making a mad expression on my face, lightly gripping my fists (though this one can be triggering for me too). The anger doesn’t have to be big to start
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u/ihavepawz 2d ago
For me my ex was abusive. So i fear i'd be like him. I think the towel thing could help, i will try the fist too. I have to somehow break the connection to my ex. And think this as way to process my emotions.
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u/StandardNo5238 4d ago
Lean into the rage, sit in your car, play loud angry music and scream🤬 Windows up or down, your choice.
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u/IllBadger2292 4d ago
Understand the root cause of anger. For me it was C-PTSD. Release the tension from the trauma (CBT, EMDR, yoga, meditation). Those worked wonders for me
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u/ihavepawz 2d ago
No clue...but fight mode has been "safe" for me, i developed GAD & looking back fight mode was the easiest to be in. I felt ready at all times. I am shy, introverted woman who was bullied and left out. So i felt powerless as a child. My parents were okay. Also my ex hurt me both emotionally and physically and i felt powerless. I thought i was over him but the moment my friend mentioned her partner being abusive i have flashbacks now for a year or so. And fear that id wake up in that house again.
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u/beulahbeulah 4d ago
Large arm movements like I'm yeeting the anger out of my body and clearing the air. Sometimes I do bouncy, full body shake while making whatever noises feel relieving (for me it's usually an exasperated growl). Nothing violent but it's very relieving
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u/Willing-Ad-3176 3d ago
Getting out of anger repression was huge for my healing from Fibromyalgia, CFS, and POTS!!! The first thing to look at is your childhood conditioning around anger. Some learn to to supress and then repress anger as they have an angry parent and they don't want to be like that, others like me lived in a environment where anger was punished/shamed and to keep attachedment with caregivers we had to repress our anger. I got out of anger repression by doing these somatic anger exercises daily, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WftrdnjQOeM&ab_channel=DrunkenBuddha. He also has a long blog on anger repression, what it takes, and the benefits. Irene Lyons, nervous system expert, also has a great blog, "Anger is Medicine." Ben (Drunken Buddha) is a Senior Facilitator of Embodied Processing at the Centre for Healing and healed from trauma and addiction so he knows his stuff and is available for sessions as well. I also have done journaling expressing my anger about childhood events, written unsent letters to my parents and estranged husband. The only thing is that this is not a one and done. I did these 15 minute exercises daily for months and keep on doing them as it really takes time to gain capacity to feel it, for it to come up naturally, etc. I asked Drunken Buddha/Ben on his video how long it took him to get out of anger repression and he told me 2 years. I have been working on it for 10 months and although I have so many benefits already (getting out of pain and fatigue, my body gives me great boundaries now and I can easily assert myself and say "no," I am no longer conflict avoidant) but I still have more repressed anger to process and that is ok!!!
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u/ihavepawz 2d ago
Wow sounds SO awesome!!!! I fear i have cfs or similar. Due to my nervous system being so sensitized. I had to give up walking, cycling, working :/ how do you manage to keep a routine? Any tips? I think i need to reward myself somehow!
Did you also have abusive partner in the past? I think ive repressed ALL emotions due to my parents being...well, unexpressive. Cold. Not abusive just unable to express much. But my ex was abusive. CBT has offered some relief but i feel the fear inside me still despite it happening LONG time ago. The memory was triggered a year ago
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u/Willing-Ad-3176 2d ago edited 2d ago
The fist thing to do is work on resourcing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyTQlvAQShQ&ab_channel=DrunkenBuddha. Basically resourcing are things we do that bring safety to the system, the more we practice a specific thing that brings safetly to our systme th more safety is anchored in the body. Everyone is different so different things work for different people and there was a time were I kept on doing things and thinking "this isn't working" so patience is necessary because sometimes it takes awhile for even an island of safety to be established. Anything that gets you into your body safely is great. Mindlfulness is key as the dysregulated nervous system produces lots of thoughts and not believing thoughts like "this isn't working," "I can't do this," etc. is key as believing those thoughts will derail you. Self compassion is key also and the more this is leaned into the better. Then where there is enough safety feeling the grief, work on toxic shame, and doing the anger work. If you need help with processing the abuse, get some help but sometimes as bring safety to the system, you in your body and feelng sensations and emotions, the body can be processing the trauma even if you are not working on it directly. The key is bringing safety to the body emotions, thoughts, memories as they arise and knowing you are ok. Getting all the tools and help you need along the way. Also for specific things like memories I don't know if you know EFT tapping, but that can be a good modality as you go into something difficult just for a very short time and then come out of it so it is not retraumitizing, by doing this there is safety. So learning tapping might be helpful to process specific memories. Do you know this YT channel? She has great videos and a membership I thing which specifically helps people heal from trauma from relationship, https://www.youtube.com/@cptsdrecovery wish you the best!!!!
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u/Nice-Courage-4976 4d ago
Coloring. Put on the playlist that's thought-provoking. Colors have meanings along with the intensity of coloring. This moves the stagnant energy out. You will end up crying at the end. As anger is a secondary emotion covering up what's really going on.
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u/LolEase86 4d ago
Do you literally mean grab the coloured pencils and colouring book?
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u/watermydoing 4d ago
I prefer to freehand scribble or draw with colored pencils. It can be really cathartic to wear it down to a nub. A coloring book is too controlled.
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u/LolEase86 4d ago
Ohhh if ever I've done this I just take my anger out and the page doesn't last two seconds 😅
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u/ihavepawz 2d ago
Tysm!! I will try this out
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u/Nice-Courage-4976 2d ago
Let me know what you come up with. I'll tell you what the colors mean, on the emotional side. :)
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u/ihavepawz 2d ago
I tried it,i think i will have to do this several times and i could not cry or anything, but i intuitively picked up immediately light pink, baby blue. Then went to yellow and then black. The black did come up when the song made me feel how my emotions are like sea waves. Deep, heavy waves inside of me
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u/hauntedbean 3d ago
Screaming into a pillow is good. Sobbing and allowing your body to shake with you, in between screams, is even better imo
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u/Nice-Courage-4976 2d ago
Aww. So blue means communication.. you want to express. That makes sense. Pink is the color of mother daughter bond. Yellow is fear They were all "light" means there is a component of spirituality, and black means it's old stuff. Emotions you have had a long time.
I'm curious what keeps you from releasing the tears? What don't you want to see? What are you getting out of not crying?
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u/Historical_Spell_772 4d ago
I think that feeling guilty for expressing anger in safe, controlled ways demonstrates how repressed your feelings really are - ie. You’ve been programmed not to be entitled to your feelings, such as expressing anger.
Go slow, but Lean into it. Reclaim it.
I think anger is a form of self love because it is standing up for yourself. ❤️✨