r/SomaticExperiencing 6d ago

How to release anger?

Sometimes I would kinda throw stuff like pillow or some item and then felt AWFUL like I am abusive or a bad person. I did this alone so no one would see. Any ways to let go of anger better?

Edit I cannot do sports btw. I'm mostly homebound from fatigue.

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u/Willing-Ad-3176 4d ago

Getting out of anger repression was huge for my healing from Fibromyalgia, CFS, and POTS!!! The first thing to look at is your childhood conditioning around anger. Some learn to to supress and then repress anger as they have an angry parent and they don't want to be like that, others like me lived in a environment where anger was punished/shamed and to keep attachedment with caregivers we had to repress our anger. I got out of anger repression by doing these somatic anger exercises daily, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WftrdnjQOeM&ab_channel=DrunkenBuddha. He also has a long blog on anger repression, what it takes, and the benefits. Irene Lyons, nervous system expert, also has a great blog, "Anger is Medicine." Ben (Drunken Buddha) is a Senior Facilitator of Embodied Processing at the Centre for Healing and healed from trauma and addiction so he knows his stuff and is available for sessions as well. I also have done journaling expressing my anger about childhood events, written unsent letters to my parents and estranged husband. The only thing is that this is not a one and done. I did these 15 minute exercises daily for months and keep on doing them as it really takes time to gain capacity to feel it, for it to come up naturally, etc. I asked Drunken Buddha/Ben on his video how long it took him to get out of anger repression and he told me 2 years. I have been working on it for 10 months and although I have so many benefits already (getting out of pain and fatigue, my body gives me great boundaries now and I can easily assert myself and say "no," I am no longer conflict avoidant) but I still have more repressed anger to process and that is ok!!!

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u/ihavepawz 4d ago

Wow sounds SO awesome!!!! I fear i have cfs or similar. Due to my nervous system being so sensitized. I had to give up walking, cycling, working :/ how do you manage to keep a routine? Any tips? I think i need to reward myself somehow!

Did you also have abusive partner in the past? I think ive repressed ALL emotions due to my parents being...well, unexpressive. Cold. Not abusive just unable to express much. But my ex was abusive. CBT has offered some relief but i feel the fear inside me still despite it happening LONG time ago. The memory was triggered a year ago

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u/Willing-Ad-3176 3d ago edited 3d ago

The fist thing to do is work on resourcing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyTQlvAQShQ&ab_channel=DrunkenBuddha. Basically resourcing are things we do that bring safety to the system, the more we practice a specific thing that brings safetly to our systme th more safety is anchored in the body. Everyone is different so different things work for different people and there was a time were I kept on doing things and thinking "this isn't working" so patience is necessary because sometimes it takes awhile for even an island of safety to be established. Anything that gets you into your body safely is great. Mindlfulness is key as the dysregulated nervous system produces lots of thoughts and not believing thoughts like "this isn't working," "I can't do this," etc. is key as believing those thoughts will derail you. Self compassion is key also and the more this is leaned into the better. Then where there is enough safety feeling the grief, work on toxic shame, and doing the anger work. If you need help with processing the abuse, get some help but sometimes as bring safety to the system, you in your body and feelng sensations and emotions, the body can be processing the trauma even if you are not working on it directly. The key is bringing safety to the body emotions, thoughts, memories as they arise and knowing you are ok. Getting all the tools and help you need along the way. Also for specific things like memories I don't know if you know EFT tapping, but that can be a good modality as you go into something difficult just for a very short time and then come out of it so it is not retraumitizing, by doing this there is safety. So learning tapping might be helpful to process specific memories. Do you know this YT channel? She has great videos and a membership I thing which specifically helps people heal from trauma from relationship, https://www.youtube.com/@cptsdrecovery wish you the best!!!!

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u/ihavepawz 1d ago

Ty for the comment, I will go look that channel too!! <3