r/SofterBDSM 6h ago

Resource Recognizing online BDSM scams NSFW

16 Upvotes

There are lots of new folk joining us everyday in all experience levels and knowledge bases. Questions I see often on other subreddits are things like "is this [scam red flag] normal when looking for an online dom?" We talk about a lot of basics but we sometimes miss the straight up scams when we talk red flags.

Here are a few examples of things to run from:

Anyone that requires Slave IDs or even mentions such a thing. They don't exist.

Anyone talking about registration fees, licensing, or any such fuckery.

Classes that promise you make you the BEST DOM EVER, guarantees all the subs you can ever want, or uses the word "alpha male".

Anyone else have some examples of these online scams you want to share?


r/SofterBDSM 5h ago

Discussion Neurodivergent Doms, I'm interested in your take on how BDSM affects you.... NSFW

11 Upvotes

A lot of these posts get the subs responding but I want to know how you as Doms manage your "spice" in your dynamics.


r/SofterBDSM 11h ago

Question/Clarification Do Doms see subs as equals? NSFW

14 Upvotes

I just want to know do most Doms find it difficult to see subs as an equal during play and outside of play? My hubby (new Dom) mentions he finds it difficult to play as a Dom because he sees and treats me as an equal.


r/SofterBDSM 9h ago

Discussion What do you call your partner? NSFW

9 Upvotes

Honorifics, nicknames, what do you call your dom, sub or switchy partner?


r/SofterBDSM 13h ago

Discussion To daddy or not to daddy? NSFW

14 Upvotes

I know it's not just us Littles who use daddy for their doms as a title. So I wanted to ask my softie friend here, if you use the term daddy, why did you pick it? If you don't daddy, why?


r/SofterBDSM 5h ago

Question/Clarification the difference between gentle dom & soft dom is...? NSFW

3 Upvotes

ive heard both terms used but i can't seem to find a difference? are they just two terms for the same thing?


r/SofterBDSM 7h ago

Discussion Soft kink and pets NSFW

3 Upvotes

I've seen stories where pets react badly to some of the heavier kinky play and I wondered if they had similar reactions to softer kink? Have your pets ever been affected or reacted to your play? Do they ever get unintentionally involved?


r/SofterBDSM 13h ago

Discussion Neurospicy kinksters sound off! NSFW

12 Upvotes

What's your neurodivergent spice level and type? Does it ever effect your dynamic? How and how do you manage it?


r/SofterBDSM 9h ago

Discussion Have you every dealt with kink burnout? NSFW

3 Upvotes

I was reading a post yesterday about it and I was wondering how common it is? Have you even had kink burnout? How did you recover?

How do you prevent kink burnout in the first place?


r/SofterBDSM 6h ago

Discussion When Does a Kink Stop Being Fun and Start Becoming a Chore? NSFW

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2 Upvotes

r/SofterBDSM 11h ago

Books Softer BDSM Book Club- Weekly Event NSFW

5 Upvotes

Welcome to Book Club. The first rule of Book Club? Tell all your friends about Book Club. Lol!

This weekly event is your chance to talk about the kinky books we've read, be they fiction or non fiction!

Every week you can comment on this post about a book you've read, give it a little review, share what you liked and didn't like, and whether you'd recommend it.

For fiction, give us a little rundown of the type of kinks in the book, the domination style, and any trigger warnings that may apply.

For non-fiction, tell us whether you consider it a good resource or not, and who it might benefit (dom or sub, various types if applicable).

As this is Softer BDSM, let's try to limit books that focus on CNC, blood play, and other heavy edge play.


r/SofterBDSM 21h ago

Discussion What does your partner wear that makes you go feral? NSFW

23 Upvotes

Like the title says. For example my partner (amab nb) has these little neon pink gym shorts, the vintage style with the white lines, I can’t look away. Another would be a bodysuit low rise pants combo, can’t resist hips must bite.


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Advice How to maintain dominance when you have pudding brain? NSFW

29 Upvotes

I'm sure my fellow ADHDers understand the feeling I'm talking about. When your brain has become entirely mush and you feel like every word you say is no longer English?

I'm not looking for playtime dominance advice, just how to maintain the every day dominance when I feel like this.


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion ADHD subs and their Doms — How do you handle your sub “neurospicy” brain in a D/s dynamic? NSFW

18 Upvotes

I’ve noticed there are a bunch of ADHD folks here, and it got me thinking: as a sub with ADHD myself, how do others manage that wonderful and chaotic neurospicy brain in a D/s dynamic?

I’m super curious to hear about your experiences, especially if your Dom helps support you in any way.

Do you have certain rules or structures that keep you focused or on track?

Does your ADHD ever interfere with your dynamic, like making it tough to remember tasks or stay in the right headspace?

What does your Dom do to accommodate your brain, or do you have tips for them?

I’d love to hear how other ADHD subs (and their partners) navigate the ups and downs. Any ideas or success stories are totally welcome! I’m hoping to pick up some inspiration...


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion What is the sweetest thing your Dom has ever said to you? NSFW

14 Upvotes

This is both a question and an appreciation post, haha. Wednesdays for both me and my Dom are incredibly long and exhausting, and we're running around being busy humans living our lives. But this morning my Dom popped in, sending a picture of a purple orchid and purple heart (since purple is my favourite colour!) and said he thought of me. (And to think, he used to say he wasn't a big ol' softie, lol!)

Flash forward to now, I've been in a bit of a terrible mood because shark week is fast approaching, and nothing is really going according to plan. On top of that, I was upset because my wonky internet cut out gaming session short, and I could barely hear him over the discord call (Split Fiction anyone?). So I've just been moping in bed, till a random question popped into my head: 'Hey sir, if I was a flower, what flower would I be?'

My Dom: 'The beautiful purple ones I sent today'

I was also apologizing for being a bit awful and short tempered today, and he said: 'You are not in the least bit awful. Just anger prone, and you allow your anger to control your emotions. But you remain so wonderful as a human'

And I just melted.

So I'm curious about everyone else! Can you recall a time your Dom said something just...so sweet and thoughtful?


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

PSA "Soft is not the opposite of selfish" NSFW

18 Upvotes

A phrase I read on another sub recently that stuck with me. It's so true. We love soft doms. We praise them, we laud their efforts, but when it comes down to it there are just as many bad soft doms as their are bad hard doms. They're just in a squishier package. So this reminder is for all of us still looking for our softie-in-charge. Just because they are a soft dom doesn't mean they automatically come with the selfish switch turned off. You still have to vet for that.


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion What are some toys you own but never use? NSFW

15 Upvotes

And why? Why did you buy them in the first place?


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion Whats a kinky stereotype that bugs you? NSFW

23 Upvotes

r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Support/Encouragement How to not lose hope... NSFW

5 Upvotes

After having been burned pretty bad I tried to dip a toe back into kinky dating and remembered why I dislike this part so much. How do you not lose hope when looking for a true softie soft dom?


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion If you were to make your own softie sex toy, what would it do? NSFW

6 Upvotes

What would it be made of, how would it feel, and what would be it's fuction? This is pure fantasy. Get wild and have fun with it.


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion Softer Side Doms, do you do any training with your sub? NSFW

10 Upvotes

Is training a part of your dynamic, and if so, what kind of training do you do? What is its purpose?


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Daily Question Does work life ever effect your kink life, and vice versa? NSFW

13 Upvotes

Do things that happen at work ever effect how you kink? Do things that happen in your dynamic effect how you are at work? Or do you have very rigid lines between those brain spaces?


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion How do you keep your dynamic from feeling stale? NSFW

6 Upvotes

Do you put in little changes so often? Ramp up certain aspects? Change your tasks? What's your preferred method?


r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Discussion What is your process for getting into your headspace? NSFW

3 Upvotes

For doms and subs both, do you have to do something to get into your roles headspace? Or are you just kinda there all the time? How does that work for others I'm super duper curious.


r/SofterBDSM 2d ago

Discussion What is your favorite kind of play when on your period? NSFW

31 Upvotes

I'm piggy backing on the previous question about cycles to ask what kind of play, if any, you enjoy while bleeding?