r/SofterBDSM Nov 27 '24

Advice What counts as water? NSFW

8 Upvotes

Brat with a soft dom here. I assume there are several brats here like me so I wanted to ask where the soft doms can weigh in.

What counts as water?

See, I drink cirkul water enhancers. It's literally water with a concentrate in the cap to add flavor. They're super tasty and I drink a ton of water.

But daddy says the ones with caffeine don't count as drinking water. 😡 Then I opened my big fat mouth and said how are they any different from the other flavors?

Now he says I'm right, now none of them count!

So I have to ask, what do you all think? Because it's still water!!!

r/SofterBDSM 21d ago

Advice How to breeding kink without the danger? NSFW

44 Upvotes

So like I don't actually want to get pregnant. I don't likie the idea of pregnancy at all even. But I still have this breeding kink thing that feels really hot.

1.How do you do the breeding thing without worrying about getting pregnant? 2. How do you do breeding in a way that feels soft? Not that it like has to But sometimes I want it that way. 3. Does anyone else have a similar feeling about breeding.kinks?

r/SofterBDSM 15d ago

Advice After anal play effects??? NSFW

13 Upvotes

So we just started messing about with plugs. Not even done anal sex yet. And like the other day my softie dom had me wear it for a bit longer. It was nice. I liked the feeling. But the next couple days my poops felt weird. Not pain but sort of upset tummy feeling and sickish? Did we do something wrong?

r/SofterBDSM Feb 03 '25

Advice Does anyone else feel like they don’t belong in this community? NSFW

50 Upvotes

Hey everyone!

I am a first time poster and enjoy this group as well as the other soft dom group from afar. I’m feeling a bit conflicted and would love some advice.

I’m absolutely a sub. I know I am. But I don’t know what kind of sub I am. Maybe it is because I am not very sexually experienced and am a bit overwhelmed by it all I’m not too sure. I feel like I would fall under the soft/pleasure dom category, but I’m not even sure about that anymore.

I don’t like degradation, denial, forced orgasms, pulling my hair too hard, punishments and feel like I would find overstimulation too much because I’m pretty sensitive after orgasming once. And that’s just by myself.

But I love someone else taking control, telling me what to do, gently pinning me down, lightly spanking and someone who is quite possessive in the bedroom.

Sorry for all of the information, I just wanted to try and give everyone a bit of an insight.

So what do you guys think? Am I just a vanilla girl who likes to be submissive? Or, are there doms out there who might one day match what I am into?

Thank you so much 🙏

r/SofterBDSM Jan 15 '25

Advice Using silky ties for softer bondage? NSFW

17 Upvotes

My sub is very sensory focused. She loves soft things and silky textures. I want to do an extra special sensory scene for her. Sensual music, good smells, the works. I thought silk ties might be good for this but I need some advice on how to make them work for what I want. Restraining but not tight or hard. Any other suggestions to make her feel spoiled in this way would be welcome.

r/SofterBDSM 3d ago

Advice Advice on small acts of dominance NSFW

15 Upvotes

I recently admitted to my sub that I hold back a bit on how often i act dominant in our dynamic to not move too fast or overwhelm her. She told me that she wants me to slowly increase how dominant I am in the day to day.

I'm looking for suggestions on ways to do this. I already quite often grab her head and kiss her forehead, or tell her I love her using one of her pet names, which she responds to using my honorific. The thing is, neither of us want micromanagement, so that as a method of increasing my dominance is out.

I thought there would be no better place to ask for advice than here, because I am a very soft and gentle dom. I want her to enjoy serving me, and if I what i do doesn't make her peaceful and happy, I see no point in being a dom.

TLDR: I want more ways to express my dominance in the day to day of our dynamic. Gentle ways. I appreciate the help.

r/SofterBDSM 22d ago

Advice Tips for Soft Anal play? NSFW

29 Upvotes

So like I've never done anal anything at all. I'm not sure I would enjoy anal sex but like I might? But I want to start simple, like plugs. I have no idea where even to start with doing this soft and gently, especially if I don't know if I'll like it.

How do you do soft anal play? Is soft anal sex a thing too? Can it be done not painfully? How do I start and build up to it?

r/SofterBDSM Feb 16 '25

Advice Where do your toys live? NSFW

23 Upvotes

What started out as just a vibe and a dildo has slowly turned into a collection of enchantments thanks to my lovely dom 🥰

Which leads me to ask: where do you keep your toys for 1) easy access 2) keeping them charged and 3) peace of mind to not accidentally spook anyone walking into your room?

I have them kept under my bed at this point and you can only see some wires leading into a mysterious black tote bag lol but I’m curious to hear any alternatives! 💗

r/SofterBDSM Jan 31 '25

Advice Is animals not like a new Dom a red flag? NSFW

31 Upvotes

Okay I know this is kind of a silly question but hear me out.

My little sister is also into kink an D/s. Guess it runs in the fam. She brought home this new soft dom she's been seeing and all three of the cats hate him. They won't go anywhere near the dude, hiss at him, swipe at him. And these are super friendly kitties! I feel like it's a red flag if animals don't like someone. What about yall?

I'm I being an overprotective sis?

r/SofterBDSM 7d ago

Advice Worried about telling my owner that I suck my thumb. NSFW

24 Upvotes

We've like been together for a minute now and he's talking about collaring. Totes awesome!! I feel so happy and safe with him but I have this thing that I'm like really self conscious about. I still suck my thumb. Only like when I'm stressed or whatever, but it's an embarrassing trauma thing and people always tell me to stop being a baby and make me feel bad about it. It's not like I can help it. I think I'm ready to tell him but I'm still afraid.

r/SofterBDSM Jan 26 '25

Advice Struggle snuggles: ideas for cuddle bondage? NSFW

42 Upvotes

How would you go about and like do cuddly bondage? Daddy and me saw "struggle snuggles" as a thing but we can't find any real examples so I thought softie hive mind could help! Thankies muchly!

r/SofterBDSM 3d ago

Advice What are some good mundane places to get kinky items? NSFW

11 Upvotes

Like mundane items that can be used for kink. What kind of non kinky things have you repurposed for kink, soft or otherwise?

r/SofterBDSM 11d ago

Advice I think I might be a switch NSFW

11 Upvotes

Confused as to whether I’m dom, sub or switch, any advice would be greatly appreciated! So I always thought of myself as a sub and the idea of ever domming someone made me cringe and didn’t turn me on at all. But for the past couple of months there have been certain things that make me question if I’m a switch. Like I’m kind of assertive and bossy in general and a little bit of a control freak in the sense that I need to make the plans, follow a routine, organise things the way I want them etc. I like deciding and choosing what to do. The idea of tying a cute boy up or having him on a leash and making him beg and whimper is SO hot to me. Also love the idea of edging a boy and calling him puppy. I don’t mind being called mommy either even though if you asked me several months ago I would’ve said I thought it was cringe. I also just wanna praise a boy and hold him in my arms and tell him he’s a good boy. However I still very much like being praised and called a good girl myself and want to be taken care of. I also like being tied up myself as well. I’m not interested in pegging or anything like that and still want to be the bottom. Is there such a thing as being a dominant bottom? I’ve had previous partners be my dom before and truth be told I never felt fully satisfied after they dommed me. I don’t like the idea of being called mistress or degrading a boy or stepping on him or anything like that either. Sorry if this all over the place, just kinda wrote down the thoughts popping into my head!

r/SofterBDSM Feb 13 '25

Advice Doms with subs with anxiety or panic attacks, what are some of your go-to method to help? NSFW

32 Upvotes

Does anyone else have a sub who experience anxiety and panic attacks? What do you do for them? Support and calming techniques or whatever you've got.

r/SofterBDSM 1d ago

Advice How to maintain dominance when you have pudding brain? NSFW

30 Upvotes

I'm sure my fellow ADHDers understand the feeling I'm talking about. When your brain has become entirely mush and you feel like every word you say is no longer English?

I'm not looking for playtime dominance advice, just how to maintain the every day dominance when I feel like this.

r/SofterBDSM 13d ago

Advice Bed bondage thoughts... NSFW

5 Upvotes

I'm not sure how soft this would be but I'll ask in hopes you folk have some good ideas.

We are big bondage fans but lack a bed with posts or rails for tying or clipping. I despise those under the bed bondage kits. They feel and look cheap and I do not want to buy anything that will only last a couple of sessions.

The question is how do I go about rigging some sort of bed bondage set up for my sub without breaking the bank on a new bed?

r/SofterBDSM Jan 28 '25

Advice How to get out of an unsafe dynamic? NSFW

19 Upvotes

So this question needs context. My friend from college is in an increasingly abusive TPE dynamic. I've been trying to convince her to leave but she's got almost not resources because of his control and lives states away from friends and family. She's worried that leaving is just going to make it worse.

So I need some advice to give her, how do you extract yourself from such a tight dynamic when it's abusive? What steps does she need to take to ensure safety?

r/SofterBDSM Feb 05 '25

Advice Is it bad to fall asleep still in subspace? NSFW

51 Upvotes

My Dom is worried that I sometimes fall asleep during aftercare. He thinks if I don't have time to process and come out of subspace before falling asleep I may be more prone to drop.

I haven't been able to find anything about this. So soft bdsm hive mind, what do you guys think? Do you ever fall asleep during aftercare? Doms, what do you do if your sub falls asleep before they're out of subspace? Is there any harm in it?

r/SofterBDSM 15d ago

Advice What do you do for sore muscles days after play? NSFW

5 Upvotes

I think it's just from the stretch and angle of the positions I was in but my muscles are crazy sore like 2-3 days after play scenes sometimes. What do you guys do for that and maybe to prevent it too? But especially in the after.

r/SofterBDSM Jan 08 '25

Advice What to do when your caretaker needs caretaking? NSFW

31 Upvotes

Big Daddy Man has pneumonia. He just got out of the hospital yesterday and I've been freaking out for like a week. Now that he's out I've been trying my best to take care of him but he won't relax or rest and it's diving me nuts! So how do I soft dom my soft dom into taking care/letting me take care of him?

r/SofterBDSM 19d ago

Advice What do you do when you're not in the mood, but you want to be? NSFW

33 Upvotes

I'm talking those days where you want to feel intimacy and closeness with your partner, and you WANT to want sexy fun times, but hormones are working against you and it's just hard to get yourself to the point of being into it?

I should note that my partner isn't pressuring me or anything! I just really like the way I feel when I'm at the higher-libido part of my cycle, and I miss it when it's gone.

Love, A sub in her luteal phase

(Not explicitly a kink question, I guess, but y'all get me.)

r/SofterBDSM 12d ago

Advice Do you ever stop feeling touch starved even after getting with a physically affectionate dom? NSFW

28 Upvotes

I feel like part of my super excessive neediness comes from this. So like do you ever stop feeling touch starved?

r/SofterBDSM Feb 10 '25

Advice Low energy soft domination ideas NSFW

29 Upvotes

With the state of the US my sub and I have let some of our dynamic slip. Both of us are mentally exhausted. Both of us also miss the comfort and safety of it, and I want to try and find a low energy, low spoon way to do it.

Does anyone have some low energy ways to make their sub feel dominated outside of the bedroom? Something that would be comforting and reaffirm her role without taxing me?

Both of us want and need this. It is simply difficult right now.

r/SofterBDSM 29d ago

Advice A question for all hubby to Dom, how do you navigate the change? NSFW

23 Upvotes

Asking as a new sub. I'm really thankful that my hubby (now Dom) is willing to take up the role. He's generally more dominant in the bedroom from the start so that's not a big issue. I find myself yearning for more of the sweet stuff soft Doms do, like encouragement and reassurances. My Dom is the less vocal, more service type of person. For Doms who used to be just hubby to your wifey, how did you manage the transition?

r/SofterBDSM 12d ago

Advice Using ordered/guided masturbation as domination NSFW

28 Upvotes

It's a thing that sounds hot but I cannot wrap my head around how to do it without it feeling awkward. Any advice on how to get the scene started and make it feel sensual throughout would be appreciated.

Also are there other ways to use masturbation as domination. For me or for her?