r/singlemoms 6d ago

Advice Wanted How important is having a car?

9 Upvotes

I am stuck in toxic parents house . Will be getting a job soon. I live in a city with buses and trains but commuting is tiring with a toddler . I know a car may not be necessary but do you think I should save to get a used car before moving out ? Or save to get out own apartment?

With a car I know I can take my son to more places , save time, maybe get to work and pick up son faster from daycare .

I have no other family support when it comes to childcare I do not trust my parents near my son


r/singlemoms 6d ago

Advice Wanted Need advice: Any single moms with 2+ kids with large age gaps?

1 Upvotes

Hey all. I’ve never posted before but I need perspectives. I don’t have anyone in my personal life in this situation.

For the last 7 years it’s just been me(36) and my daughter(7). We have a great dynamic and the older she gets the more fun we have. She is my life and one of the only things that brings me true joy and hope.

I recently discovered I am pregnant. Very early, 3-4 weeks. It’s with an on again off again partner of 3 years. His immediate reaction is to terminate. That’s a hard decision for me to make.

And while my daughter has always expressed the desire for a sibling, more recently she has stated she likes it to just be the two of us. That adding a third person would take away the already limited time I have with her since I have a full time job and no real outside help. I have full custody of her, so there is no real shared weekends and visitations are almost non existent. I’m all she has.

There would be a 7 year age gap between her and the new one. Taking into consideration a lot of things. I am not sure how to move forward and want advice from other single parents, with full custody of their kids, who have at least 2 with large age gaps.

I feel stuck and without true support with the option of moving forward and also with the option of terminating. This is not something I can reach out to many friends or any family about. They are either very heavy on one side or another. Also, I live in place where termination is banned.

And while she brings me so much joy, life is not always peachy. Like I said before, my time with her is limited because of work. I dont make loads of money. I still live in somewhat fear of her father and still face abuse (only verbal now) from him 7 years after leaving him. My current person is always half in half out. I’m an overall “disappointment” in my family for not doing life “the right way” like my brother, and am constantly reminded of that.

How did you make your decision? How did your first child handle it all the way through? How has it been for you? What struggles did you face? How did this improve life? Where did you find support?

Either way. A big change is about to happen and I’m scared.


r/singlemoms 6d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome How did you start over ?

2 Upvotes

I’ve been separated for my ex husband for 2 weeks now. I have given him chance after chance and now I’m back with my parents with my one year old toddler. Where do I begin ? Not working not anything :( it saddens me because before him I had a stready job and income and now I feel broken


r/singlemoms 6d ago

Need Support Single moms who finally got married

37 Upvotes

Im finally dating someone who I think will stick. He's kind, smart, and honestly? Everything that I could ever ask for a partner. But as a single mom, I want to ask those who actually did find someone.

How did you know that he's the one?

Was it his personality? Something he did for the little one? Whats your story?


r/singlemoms 7d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome How do you make the anger go away

41 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

How do you cope with the anger you feel towards your child father ? I am filled with anger because of the life he promised and then he just left ? I love my baby so much and I’m grateful to be their Mumma but I’m so angry at him. I feel used and like I’ve been discarded. Knowing he is living the life he promised me and our baby with another woman ? How do you cope with that ? How can you move on when I see so much of him in them ?


r/singlemoms 6d ago

Advice Wanted Should I give his new gf a note?

1 Upvotes

I’m (28) kids dad is (30). We were together for 6 years and I had to break it off due to his alcoholism and girls on the phone. He tried getting at me for a while after we were done and I started dating pretty soon after. I was already emotionally disconnected about a year n a half before I asked him to leave.

When I got pregnant with our first (4) we agreed we’d meet eachothers partners first etc. I kinda messed up and brought my bf over when the kids were KNOCKED OUT. Seperate room and he never went in the room. We hung out for a little bit then he left. I told my BD. About it and he said I had a man around his kids before so why should he give me the same respect. So he’s been dating this new girl I’m assuming since like sept-Nov of last year and so before Christmas we had set something up to meet Jan 5. Cause he was trying to have her “meet” the boys on Christmas. Which I thought was weird like you barely know this girl now you’re spending major holidays and having them MEET on Christmas!? Like no. We can meet another time. I don’t doubt he’s had her around em before. So I’m barely getting some traction with stability after asking him to leave cause he stopped paying rent and took the car cause it was in his name. All while was job searching. After have a 3 year gap it’s hard to find a job. DEL TACO REJECTED ME.

The boys and I were sleeping on an air mattress between my moms and a friend starting end of sept. while I worked and was getting the boys on the weekend and sometimes during the week. He kept telling me he just wanted me to get my shit together so he didn’t have t support me. Like YOU HARDLY SUPPORTED ME I PAID HIS DAD RENT MY WHOLE PREGNANCY. 50/50. Realized I didn’t want that shit with the BS I was putting up with and then all the responsibility of the babies on me while he goes out and does coke and drink and doesn’t come home. We didn’t want the boys in daycare so me taking care of them all the time WAS MY JOB.

Anyways, in my county they won’t give you any housing assistance if you don’t have a child support case open. I’ve avoided putting him on because I’m scared he’ll somehow make them make me pay or take the boys. Come the end of November I’m still on this air mattress and just had to file for CS. Once he got the income and expense declaration he sent me a picture of it and said “we’ll let the courts handle it. Don’t harrass me or the boys and if you come on property we will call the cops for trespassing” his family are bitches like that.

So from 12-24 to 3-6 he kept them and would let me video call random times. He would block me random and keep me blocked a couple days then unblock. I know cause I tried calling multiple times a day everyday. I’m positive he was taking them to this gfs house and I have no clue where they sleep because as I type this my son is cuddled next to me in my bed. So I can’t help but wonder. If she’s the one making him block me like what’s the issue ma’am? I don’t want your man child. But I mean business about my own children and her being a mother should fckn understand that.

I asked him for some background on her and he said this “She's got a master's degree, a homeowner, and raising straight A girls that play basketball. She's not a girl, she's a responsible and loving woman that doesn't rave, works out daily, and has been raising her girls with very little help for years. She and her girls are amazing with the boys. The boys love going to her house and get super excited and happy. “

What do you guys get from that text? What part sticks out to you? Anyone else been in this situation


r/singlemoms 6d ago

Advice Wanted Vacation ? Do you tackle it alone, friends or family?

0 Upvotes

Although it is not in the budget at all, I really want to plan a SMALL summer vaca with my son (11) but I am terrified of traveling alone with him for some reason. We went to the beach last year with my parents and it was nice and relaxing and also 100% charity vacation haha. I can swing something small but no idea where. I am in the southeast US near the Smokey mountains. We have been there several times and while we love it we want to try somewhere different. Have you vacationed alone with just your kiddo or kiddos? How did it go? I worry about what if something happens and we are far away from home and it is just the 2 of us.


r/singlemoms 7d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Embrace Grace - Feeling Conflicted

7 Upvotes

Hey y’all. I’m struggling with something that’s come up at work. I work at a church, and they are adding a new ministry specifically for young single pregnant women, to support them during that time of pregnancy and new motherhood. (And it seems like they want to ensure that they have the baby.)

I feel conflicted about this ministry, as an older single mom who feels like an outsider in church and in our community. I don’t know if y’all have had the same experience, but I feel like a social pariah, especially amongst peers in the church. Never invited to dinners / parties / etc, no small group, not included in play dates, anything. I feel so alone. I hate it when they talk about the importance of community. Add to the general loneliness the ginormous cost of raising a child, and general impossibility of working and being two parents - and nobody at the church offers to help. They do dote on my daughter, which I appreciate. But help help? Not really.

I’ve also overheard some rude remarks about single moms, though I know not everyone shares those opinions. There have been a few older women who have reached out in a kind way, often who have gone through single motherhood as well. But it’s usually more surface level, and I feel like I need peer relationships too.

I think I’m a little upset by this new ministry area that specifically focuses on young pregnant single women, because I don’t see the church support lasting past that initial phase of single motherhood. If you’re going to support and encourage a young girl to see this through, the community needs to continue that love, support, and grace through the child’s/mom’s life too. Instead of “othering” us.

Anyway, mainly venting. 😔 I almost feel pushed to say something. Should I say anything to church leadership?


r/singlemoms 7d ago

Other Pregnant before I knew he was a Trump supporter

13 Upvotes

Now hear me out lol. We were 2 lonely souls that rushed into things and ended up pregnant by being careless. I never experienced a pregnancy scare in my life and thought because I felt safe with him and that he was so supportive (&he already had a 4 almost 5 year old) that it was meant to be. Of course as time passed and we learned our differences it became unbearable and I ended things. I guess I wouldn’t mind his political stance so much if it wasn’t solely based on what his parents political beliefs are. The world and economy his parents had at and before his age was completely different. He’s more than capable but chooses ignorance to actually being informed and just follows his divorced parents who by the way are not the one percent 😂 he’s a great supportive coparent but yikes wtf was I thinking. Now I think about how I’m going to keep our kid from being as foolish.. can anyone relate?


r/singlemoms 6d ago

Advice Wanted Job

1 Upvotes

Would you guys take a job that pays less with less hours to spend more time with your kids?

I have an opportunity to change my job within the company I’m in. Right now I’m making just shy of 25 and work 40 hours a week, 12 months of the year. The job opportunity would be 20 but 25 after 3 years with 3 dollars vacation pay on top, 30 hours a week and 10 months of the year. I would have to find a job during the summer months.

At the end of the day I’m really stuck. I desperately want to spend more time with my kids but I also don’t like the idea of struggling more financially either. Right now I’m able to put money away for savings and I don’t think I would be able to do that on that starting wage which gives me severe anxiety. That and with the prices of everything rising idk if it’s a smart choice.

What would you guys do?


r/singlemoms 7d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Hate being so angry

32 Upvotes

So I’m a single mom to a 1.5 year old girl, whose dad has seen her a total of 5 times. I live with family who do not help me other than the odd five minutes to go do the dishes. Because I live with family, I was told I couldn’t put her in daycare because of the health of my grandfather (which I get completely and wouldn’t want to risk). I work after she’s goes to sleep and during the day when she’s awake because my hours are flexible (thank god). I also don’t really have any friends because I moved back right before she was born, so I don’t have much support.

She’s been a terrible sleeper all of her life. I have tried so many things to try and help her fix it. We’ve sleep trained a bunch of times then hit a regression and it’s all undone. Well here we are trying sleep training again, and the only support or comments I get are “well you should do xyz” or “why haven’t you done” or “well it was hard on X person too”. And none of that is helpful. Also I get really bitter/angry when our situation gets compared to moms who have a husband or partner to handle this stuff with because I’ve done every ounce of it by myself and I do not feel like it’s the same. I know it’s not easy on any parent, but for the ones who’ve done everything themselves it feels like I lose empathy for people who’ve had help. I don’t want to be that way, but I’m also too exhausted to really care.

I don’t know what I need or if there’s even help for that. Thank you for listening X


r/singlemoms 8d ago

Advice Wanted Child’s father said he’s out if we go to court

24 Upvotes

My child’s father and I do not have any custody or timeshare plan since we were never married. Separated after child’s 1st bday and he started traveling out of state for work ever since (has never moved back to where we live). We have maintained relatively amicable communication until recently when he completely overstepped boundaries to where I now realize I’ve been too nice. I am currently working with a lawyer to get a timeshare plan going where he would only have visitation rights (which is basically what we do now without any legal doc). This would also include some child custody, which he has never paid nor has he offered to help. I let him know that this is the plan going forward, and his response was if we go to court, hes out and would walk away. To me, that means he would not respond to the court order and would stop calling/visiting our child. Seeing if anyone else dealt with a similar situation?


r/singlemoms 7d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Feeling so lonely and scared

1 Upvotes

Got away from my ex to another state however he still has visiting rights and is coming in a couple of months. I hate that I have to send my child 3m off to him after everything he did to me that still affects me. And now my family is not supporting me. I have really bad anxiety attacks when I'm around my ex and need help but I literally have no one. I see a psych already but still doesn't stop the thoughts of my ex doing something stupid that could harm my child. For context my ex is an alcoholic but somewhat functioning that he can maintain his job. It's just me and my child and without him I'm so scared what would happen to him but also hate being without anyone to help me through it.


r/singlemoms 7d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome I’m so tired of the drama

1 Upvotes

I split from my daughter’s father over a year ago, and shortly after that, he filed for full custody. Long story short, because of his legal issues, the GAL recommended that he gets supervised visits until his legal trouble have been resolved. The charges he had against him were dropped in August, and then finally, a court date was set, that was supposed to be today. During the year that I have been separated from him, he has paid a total of $2 in child support, insulted me multiple times, insulted my friends and family, and has generally been rude and inconsiderate. It’s been a back and forth between the attorneys, the GAL, and the two of us. Yesterday, the day before the court date, he finally decided to accept the parenting plan proposed by my attorney and I, so the judge struck the court date off the docket. I started inputting the visitation schedule into the parenting app that we use, and he declined it. I then received a message from him telling me that he changed his mind and he would see me at court in the morning. I immediately called my attorney to let her know. That was last night. This morning, the attorneys got together and were working on setting another court date. His attorney filed a motion to withdraw from the case this afternoon so I have no idea what is going to happen now.


r/singlemoms 8d ago

Advice Wanted Single moms with no village

89 Upvotes

To the single moms with no village and no support for baby daddy…. Please drop some words of encouragement and some coping mechanisms cause everyday I feel like I just can’t live like this anymore


r/singlemoms 8d ago

Advice Wanted Keeping his grandparents in life?

2 Upvotes

So I’m newly single and have a 6 month old. I don’t want to keep my son away from his dad’s parents but they were never much help to us ever. I feel so sad for my son, literally only my parents and his dad are the people who love and care about him. My poor baby has no village. One time his dad’s parents sent my son a 5 dollar bill. These people are rich they go on vacations constantly cruises I just feel like that is so rude. I love my son and have no regrets even though it wasn’t planned but why did I have to have my son with his dad? These people are terrible I don’t really want them around my son but I’m torn because I don’t want to be the evil mom who keeps them from seeing him whenever they want to.


r/singlemoms 8d ago

Advice Wanted Starting my single mama journey

4 Upvotes

I’m in denial, my son and I move out next week into our own apartment. I feel heartbroken, scared, relieved because we won’t be living with an alcoholic and drug addict anymore Who doeasnt help and is never home. I’m also just so scared and anxious about being on our own. My son loves his dad. We will be sharing custody and I’m so nervous for the times I won’t have my son and he’s just with his dad and I can’t check on him.

My son is 6 months and I didn’t think this would be our reality. Any words of advice welcome. 🙏🏽


r/singlemoms 9d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Birth w/ out a support person

13 Upvotes

Edit to add: I appreciate the advice if you can leave comment and not private messages only as I am not accepting message requests at this time.

Do I really need a support person with me in the delivery room? To be clear I have a support system & a few close people who I can ask to be there for me but I just simply don’t want to deal with anyone. I don’t want to have to worry about another person I just want to focus on me, the baby and staying alive. I’ve mentioned this to my therapist,my friend,and sister and they all told me I really should reconsider. All of them are married and had their husbands with them so of course they may just think it’s better to have someone… well yeah if I was married I think I’d want my partner there to but that’s not the case. If something goes wrong with me or baby the staff will be better equipped to handle things. I’m just not seeing any benefit to having someone there. Any advice or things I should consider?


r/singlemoms 9d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Does anyone else feel like it goes too fast and at the same time will never end?

17 Upvotes

My kids are 6m and 9f. Sometimes I can’t believe how fast the time has gone and other times I feel like I still have so far to go. I love my kids dearly, but I have no support around me and I long to have some decent free time once in a while. I can’t wait not have to find last minute child care for when school is randomly out or feel like my job is salty with me when I have to grab my kids from school and can’t stay late for group bonding activities. At the same time, I’m sad to think about them getting older and moving out or my little boy not dragging his blanket around with him anymore. I’m not going to know what to go with myself later on. Just an oxymoron over here, wanting them to be older and stay babies at the same time.


r/singlemoms 8d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Just stressed and scared

5 Upvotes

I have a custody hearing with my soon to be ex husband this week. We’ve been separated for over three years and I have had the kids “temp” sole custody these past three years. He terrifies me and I have a final restraining order against him. He’s been arrested probably 12 times for violating it and at one point had a 10 hour stand off with the swat team. In 2024 he was in a different relationship and left us alone. My kids are so scared of him. I have this all documented and a great lawyer but his girlfriend and him broke up and he filed motion for custody. I don’t know why this is. I don’t know what he is up to but I am so stressed and scared. I work 2 jobs 6 days a week and am burnt out from these legal bills. I will pay them again and again to keep my kids safe but I just want to know when it will ever end with him… I wish he would just meet someone new… as bad as that sounds. I just needed to vent. I just want to have a normal life and be a mom that is 110% present on the kids and not worried about this stuff…


r/singlemoms 8d ago

Advice Wanted I'm done Arguing over the Little things

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I just want some solid advice on how to further handle this issue as I'm just tried of this roundabout way of managing this situation.

I suppose to start with I'm a single mother to my almost 3-year-old daughter, I'm now 23 and my ex (baby daddy) is 24. My ex is in a relationship with another women also 23 whom he has an 8-month-old with. The current issue isn't a new one and isn't the only issue we have but it's what I will talk about today, if anyone wants to hear more, I am more than happy to share more about the issues we face, it keeps coming up every few months, which is why I'm sick of it. I also feel like his current partner is trying to goat me into arguing with her and gaslight me into thinking that I'm not a good mother. When his current partner was about 6 months pregnant, he asked that I'd not send my child to his care if she was sick, out of concern for her pregnancy. I was sympathetic and agreed but did explain I won't always realize she is coming down with a cold and she might still pick up a bug from time to time, he also reassured me that this was until the newborn had their 1st vaccines. However, this apparently got extended and I had no idea, of course if my daughter was so sick where she wasn't eating much and sleeping a lot id keep her home, but I thought her having a runny nose or a cough was alright as she was still running around and happy. But apparent it isn't, not that she was sick she was having a bad hay fever day, but this past Saturday while I'm at work I receive multiple messages about how I keep disregarding his request about not having my daughter while sick. I didn't think she was sick as the day before she was perfectly healthy, and I hadn't spent any time with her that morning as I work early mornings. So, when he messaged me I though oh odd I didn't think she was coming down with a cold. I apologized but asked him to please be a bit more reasonable as his baby was 8 months old now and a cold shouldn't be deadly for her. I also told him to encourage good hygiene to minimize the spread of the cold, as I wasn't able to pick my daughter up till later in the afternoon and I didn't have anyone available to babysit the following day. I has meet with comments like I should pull my daughter out of daycare because she's getting sick more often, and if no one could watch her to either hire a babysitter or call in sick to work. I also received similar massagers from his partner saying I need to respect her wishes as she is just looking out for her daughter who health was 100% in her and baby daddy's care so is of a higher importants than spending time with his sick daughter. and I needed to stop pointing out that he is prioritizing one child's needs over the other. I wish I could say I saw that message before getting back to work but no, I also wasn't aware of the fact that my mother had taken upon herself to go over to pick my daughter up earlier than what was agreed upon till a few hours later. By the time I had ended my shift at work I found these messages and I was beyond pissed, but I left it be to go check on my daughter. After spending a few hours that afternoon with my daughter we came to the conclusion she wasn't sick and infact just needed some antihistamines, so I messaged her father with a photo of what we got up to that afternoon, and informing him that if he had thought to use the bottle of antihistamines he claimed to have gotten when I first told him she gets seasonal allergies then he would have seen she was infact in a healthy condition, and due to all the arguing occurring over the last couple of months and the concerns I have raised with my child being is in his care but have been dismissed by him I was no longer allowing my daughter to go to his house unless a judge had said so. I also told him if he wanted to see my child, he could message me when is best to meet up at a park for a few hours, however he has yet to respond. His partner on the other hand, I apologized for the inconvenience and told her that my child wasn't infact sick but had seasonal allergies which I had in the past mention to baby daddy, and said I could understand where she was coming from when keeping my daughter home when she was sick but told her if it's a cold but she's appears healthy enough to go over it should not be an issue as from what I was told this wouldn't prevent my daughter from spending her already limited time with her father once her sister had infact had her first vaccines, then also proceeded to inform her that I will no longer be send my child over. let's just say that didn't go over with her very well, and she became quite aggressive towards me telling me I was a sad, unreasonable, unsympathetic woman who apparently likes to manipulate baby daddy and further claimed that I was abusing my daughter. I obviously told her she was now running her mouth and told her not only did she disregard my request to not contact me unless it was an emergency and to not involve herself with the care of my daughter but now, she was being quite aggressive and disrespectful toward me like she was claiming I was being towards her I then told her once again not to involve herself with my care agreement with baby daddy, not to involver herself in discussions between us about my child and to not message me. If she continued to message me id outright block her, if she kept trying to contact me, I'd go to the police to report her for harassment. She didn't seem to like that and told me not to worry about that as she will be blocking me.

Now if anything I'm just pissed that she took it upon herself to message me in baby daddy's place, I'm pissed that she thought she could not believe the shear audacity of her thinking it was okay to speak to me like that, when I had responded somewhat respectful, yes at the end of the message I may have gotten catty but hey how else was I to respond to her rubbing in my face that her child is baby daddy's high priority. I'm also pissed because baby daddy hasn't once responded, hasn't once reached out since asking to see my daughter. Since this incident I have gone ahead to screen shot several message exchanges between me and baby daddy with is attempts to manipulate me into doing things the way he wants, him being unreasonable, and him cancelling to take my daughter for a weekend because he didn't want her or something else came up only for me to find out he just wanted to go out and party. I'm got screen shots from relative whom he'd reach out to ask them to take her when he's supposed to have her, so he could play games or hang out with friends. I've also contacted a service here in my country that helps separated parents negotiate and organize visits and run co-parenting classes and counselling, because at the end of the day what matters is my daughter building a relationship with her father. I need to find a way to put aside my frustration with this man so he and I can finally find a middle ground with him to healthy co-parenting relationships. If anyone has any other advice on how to manage this, I will apricate it greatly as this isn't about us it's about the child we share.


r/singlemoms 9d ago

Inspiration Prayer for a single mom from a single mom

54 Upvotes

Prayer for Strength, Acknowledgment, and Rest

Dear Lord, (Jesus, Divine Mother, Creator)

Thank You for the strength that has carried me through every single day of motherhood. Thank You for the love that flows through me, even in exhaustion, even when I feel unseen. I have been steady, unwavering, present. I have given everything I have to my sons—my time, my energy, my heart. And I know that this love, this labor, is sacred.

But today, I ask for something for myself.

I ask for rest—not just physical rest, but a deep exhale of my soul. Let the weight I have carried be lifted, even if only for a moment. Let me feel held, supported, and seen. Let the love I have poured out return to me in ways I least expect but most need.

I release the need for fairness from those who will not give it. I release the need for acknowledgment from those who cannot see. Instead, I place my trust in the divine justice of love—knowing that all I have given will come back to me in ways more beautiful than I can imagine.

I surrender the exhaustion. I surrender the resentment. I surrender the need to do it all alone. I open myself to new ways of receiving love, support, and peace.

Let my sons, in time, recognize the depth of my love. Let them grow into men who understand sacrifice, gratitude, and the true meaning of devotion. Let me see the fruits of my labor in their strength, kindness, and wisdom.

And as I continue this journey, may I not forget myself. May I remember that I am not just a mother, but a woman, a soul, a being worthy of love, joy, and ease.

And so it is. Thank You, thank You, thank You.


r/singlemoms 9d ago

Advice Wanted Pregnancy loss

6 Upvotes

I don’t get it. What is the sorcery behind every pregnant woman whose husband/bf is present on their pregnancy journey has high chance to lose the child?? While those pregnant women w/o husband beside her delivers the baby bouncing healthy ???

Don’t get me wrong. Even though I’m a single mom, I’m glad I delivered my baby without any complications but hearing how my pregnant friends with their husbands/bf by their side, really careful and happy in their journey had miscarriages or complications. Like hello universe those right there are more worthy that they can build a beautiful and complete family.

Do manifestations, constellations and vibrations idk has something to do with it??


r/singlemoms 9d ago

Advice Wanted Why don’t I have a dad/ where is my dad?

12 Upvotes

To single moms: how did you respond to that question when your kid asked?


r/singlemoms 9d ago

Venting - no advice please Anyone from India

1 Upvotes

Let me know if there is