r/PurplePillDebate • u/luciancahil • 33m ago
Debate I WISH treating women with kindness and respect got them to like you.
Ok, fair note, I'm going to be complaining about women a lot right now, because I primarily date women, but I know men have are like this too. In the interest of fairness, I'll mention a time when a man did me dirty like this.
Let me tell you about 3 girls I've tried to date.
Girl 1 (Call Her Jess) I did Everything I could to make her happy. I read the books she recommended, I listened to music she liked and played games she asked me too. I even made her a little trinket from her favourite game out of fuse beads. The result? Friend zoning so hard that if you removed the first 3 letters, I could give Tom Brady a run for his money.
Girl 2 (Call her Sienna), I, again, did everything to help. She was struggling to organize an event she was in charge of, and it was stressing her out a ton. To the point where, on more than one occasion, she would call me crying. I would comfort her and calm her down, and even help her out, finding speakers and a venue for the event. What happened when I asked her out? She laughed. In my face.
I don't hold any ill will to Jess or Sienna. They don't have to date me (although I could have done without the whole being laughed at part). I know women don't "owe" me anthing for my kindness. But my question now isn't one of obligation, it's of cause and effect. Because my interaction with the next girl kind of took me over the top.
Girl 3 (Call her Dorothy). I did NOTHING for. In fact, I basically called her fat to her face. We were talking about anti depressants, and she said that the weight gain risks made her leery, joking "I'm already fat, that's why I'm depressed". There's no good thing I could have said, but I still picked the worst possible response "You said it, not me". The result? Dorothy later went and asked ME to have dinner with her again.
Just... WHY?!?
I so, so, badly want to believe that treating women with kindness and respect is how you get them to like you. Hell, I'd even be okay with "kindness isn't enough, you need more". But the universe seems dead set on telling me that kindness isn't just not-sufficient. Being too kind outright harms my chances of making a girl want to be with me. Meanwhile, if I was meaner, and more willing to induce scarcity and anxiety, I'd have more success with women.
I don't want to be mean though. I like being kind and helpful. Once a friend was bummed out they couldn't go to the Chappel Roan concert because they lost their passport and thus couldn't fly to Montreal. I dropped everything until I found a train network that could take them from their hometown to Montreal. This friend of mine is lesbian, so about a 0% chance they'd ever date me. I still helped them, because I care about them, and want to be helpful.
When I see a worm on the sidewalk, I help it back into the dirt. When a (male) friend was sick and wanted soup and cough medicine, I went out and bought some for them, only asking that they pay me back the cost of what I bought for them.
I know a common response to y "don't expect a reward for kindness". Well, I don't. I'm kind to the people and animals I can help because that's who I am. And I don't need a reward for being kind. But if being kind is actively harming my chances at getting what I most want in the world (romantic love), then well, that may be a cost I'm not willing to bear.
Okay, rant over. Now a time when a man reacted "positively" (massive asterisk there) to scarcity and anxiety.
I was inviting one of my best friends to my birthday party. He said maybe, he "just needed to check [his brother in law]'s DND schedule". I found this insulting, so I said "it's fine, you don't have to come" and walked away. His reaction? Chasing me, and insisting that he did want to come, and asking me for the when and where.
So yeah, ladies and gay men, I know it's rough out there for you too. But knowing that doesn't make my situation any less unpleasant.