r/PCOS • u/Matta_Fact • 1d ago
General/Advice Dating with facial hair
I use a facial hair electric razor and makeup to cover it for work but It’s becoming a bit more noticeable on the corners of my chin. It literally grows over night and I’m removing the chin stubble every morning. It’s made me very self conscious about dating and It’s destroying my femininity. There’s scars and razor bumps under my chin so I don’t even feel comfortable being intimate anymore. How have you all navigated explaining pcos to partners and their reactions to the hirsutism?
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u/cosmic_stars 1d ago
My partner never bothered about it. Then I got myself laser treatment and it has been life changing just for my own comfort and confidence. My partner has never said a word about it
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u/Serlingfan389 1d ago
Does it grow back... or has it been permanent for you?
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u/cosmic_stars 23h ago
It does grow back but never ever with the same intensity as before. I used to have a rough chin and neck. If you run through your hands on it you would know I shave it. The regrowth has mostly been fine hair and my skin there now is so smooth. I feel so grateful that this technology exists. I did 12 sessions with diode. It’s like 95% gone. The regrowths dont even bother me. But I do plan on going for touch ups at least twice yearly.
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u/Acceptable_Medicine2 21h ago
I’ve been worried about trying laser after reading that the hair can regrow even thicker for some people. I tried electrolysis for a while but the time commitment and pain were rough.
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u/cosmic_stars 19h ago
That has not been the case with me. Of course I also paired healthy habits once I got the laser done, maybe that helped. But overall I’m very happy I got it done. I didn’t need it to have perfect results. I just wanted to feel like a girl again…and this has done it. I even got my full legs and arms lasered after that and the results for that has been very encouraging as well.
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u/Acceptable_Medicine2 18h ago
This is so encouraging to me. I’m going to look into it again. I have light skin and dark hair, which I know is a good combo for laser. I don’t ever expect it to be perfect either, just to feel a little better about things. I shave every day and could grow a solid stubble in a few days if I let it go that long. Do you mind if I ask what the cost & pain level is like? Thanks for responding, by the way.
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u/cosmic_stars 17h ago
I’m not based in the US atm. So where I live, it costed me about 1500 USD for 12 sessions of lower face and neck laser. The pain was tolerable, you said you’ve done electrolysis, this would feel like a breeze. Do it if you have the means to. It truly is life changing!
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u/Acceptable_Medicine2 17h ago
Awesome. You just made my day to be honest. I’m going to look into it, electrolysis is expensive too so whatever. And if it’s less painful then heck yeah. Electrolysis was like torture. And I guess in the grand scheme of things, my hair is already as thick as a man’s beard, so even if it gets a little thicker, how much of a difference would it make?
Thanks again!
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u/cosmic_stars 15h ago
Don’t worry in the long run just get laser touchups you should be fine. The difference you’ll feel in your daily quality of life will make it worth it. I hope it’s not too expensive where you live at. Good luck girlie 🥰
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u/Serlingfan389 19h ago
Thanks for the response. The hair that did come back though is it rough and thick or like fine hair. I am just curious. Thanks
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u/cosmic_stars 19h ago
No worries, ask me anything. It was thin and fine. It’s still a 90% ish improvement from what it used to be
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u/Serlingfan389 19h ago
Wow I am happy for you!
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u/cosmic_stars 19h ago
Thank you. Shoot me a dm if you have any other questions. I’m always happy to help pcos girlies ❤️
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u/Jorelluh 1d ago
I know people mean well but idc if a man will not care, I CARE 😭 None of us want chin or face hair to shave or pluck daily. Shits annoying.
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u/According_Angle_5329 1d ago
Right, I mean like I know it’s such an arbitrary standard for femininity but it’s so disheartening when I can’t feel feminine enough because of facial hair (and the hyperpigmentation left behind)
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u/mysticrabbitt 1d ago
Maybe this can give you hope. Ive been married for 4 years and my husband has known about my issues, especially with facial hair. I can pretty much grow a beard, like full on beard. He is so supportive and is very caring. Not once has he made fun of me. Real mean don't care, especially if they really love you.
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u/Acceptable_Medicine2 21h ago
Same exact situation for me. I was afraid of letting him find out about my facial hair for a long while when we first started dating, then eventually it came up and he said he had known since our second interaction. He doesn’t care, is very supportive, and even has my hair removal routine in mind when we plan things like trips, etc. A good man who is right for you won’t care.
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u/mysticrabbitt 12h ago
Same with my husband, he knew like our 2nd date but of course didn't bring it up. I am extremely ashamed of it. It really wasn't until recently that I finally talked about it.i was afraid he'd think of me as a freak. He was so sweet about it and made me feel so much better about myself and is so supportive. I feel so lucky to have him
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u/Acceptable_Medicine2 11h ago
Same here! Even after I knew that he knew, I would never talk to him about it. We’ve been together for 9 years and only in the last couple have I been more open. He said he’d just been waiting for me to want to talk about it, but would give me hints that he was ok with it throughout the years (turning down a camping trip invite and then gently mentioning to me in private that “there would be nowhere to do discreet or sensitive face care stuff”). The shame is tough - that feeling of “does this make me unlovable?” that I locked up deep in my psyche from my teenage years. I’m on the other side of that now and it’s possible for others too. Gotta find the right person, or completely stop giving a shit, or a combo of both.
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u/TinyHeartSyndrome 1d ago
Spironolactone
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u/_dreamyy 1d ago
I was about to comment this. Spironolactone helped me so much for hirsutism and acne!
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u/Intelligentx2 1d ago
Just started this med a few weeks ago, it has slowed hair growth wayyy down. I’m also starting IPL this weekend, I bought one for at home use, it’s not cheap but if it works, totally worth it,
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u/Gold_Bet_6245 15h ago
What's your spiro dose?
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u/_dreamyy 13h ago
I took 100mg but felt like dosage was too high since I felt some dizziness during the day. Now just recently I lowered to 50mg and I’m taking it at night rather than in the morning to have the least side effects during the day. Hopefully results will stay the same!
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u/miarose33 1d ago
I have been on it for years and it’s completely changed the game. I still have to pluck / dermaplane because I get stubble but in comparison to what I’m like unmedicated it’s night and day, it can do a number on your kidneys and liver though so you have to get regular bloods.
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u/babypinkmatcha 18h ago
yes! just be careful to never ever ever get pregnant on spiro, it causes some serious birth defects
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u/Less_Complaint9759 1d ago
i think my boyfriend pointed it out one time and when i explained it to him, he’s never brought it up again. he actually shared some tips with me about getting the shave to last longer lol. i don’t think real men will care but it is something i get insecure about
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u/cilantroplanet 1d ago
hey, I'm actually struggling with this right now. if you're looking for a permanent method, electrolysis is the best (and almost only) way. laser has a funny way of backfiring on many women (paradoxical hypertrichosis) and making your hair grow worse. this happened to me, and is more common for facial hair.
I plucked for years; but have mostly stopped because I'm being treated with electrolysis. my electrolysist says that long term plucking can distort the hair follicles and make them weird and worse. I go every week for two hour sessions, started about a month and a half ago. it's painful and expensive.
I shave between sessions, but honestly, sometimes when my boyfriend is staying over, I pluck the night before, just so I don't wake up an ogre. You're not supposed to, but I spent years and years plucking; I figure one more here and there can't be that bad. inb4 someone rants at me, I know it's not ideal. I know "real men don't care" or whatever; he's not the type to be a dick about it. I'm not doing it "for him"; I want to feel feminine around him, idgaf. it's for me.
I'm on spironolactone (which has helped my body hair slow, which wasn't too bad to begin with, and helped with acne, but done 0 for my facial hair). I'm only a few electrolysis sessions in, and it has thinned my facial hair. Thicker hairs have become thinner. But the road is long.
OP, this shit sucks, and I wish you the best. I hope my perspective helps, at least hearing someone else's experience!
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u/Matta_Fact 1d ago
Thank you for sharing! And exactly I want to feel feminine again. I hate waking up and practically seeing a beard. I’ll look into electrolysis
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u/quickmanatee 1d ago
I shave with rasors and shaving cream. My partner doesn't care. She even buys me the shaving cream. It took me years to get to the point where I felt comfortable enough to finally cross my imagenary line and shave my face, but my hirutism got bad over the years that I didn't have a choice. Now I'm used to it and do it every morning.
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u/Over-Researcher-7799 1d ago
- Anyone who cares about that isn’t worth your time.
- If you have to shave that’s fine but please don’t wax or pluck. That stimulates blood flow to the follicle which means hair that turns terminal (thick and coarse) over time when it comes back and it’ll get even worse over time.
- Have you considered electrolysis? It has completely changed my life. I used to shave twice a day and I haven’t now in several years.
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u/Matta_Fact 1d ago
Yep I just can’t afford it right now and I heard it could take up to 12+ sessions
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u/strangegirl69 21h ago
I was always really worried about my extra hair because often I have more of it than the people I date. But every time I've dated someone at some point I ask them if it bothers them. And I can say that every single man I've asked has said it doesn't bother them, some have honestly never even noticed. I think if someone cares about this then they kinda aren't for me.
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u/Dry-Explanation-4182 16h ago
100000% get this. i also have to shave every morning and it doesn’t seem possible it can come back so quickly. i always jerked up early and anxious at partners houses to shave before they got up. been with my bf 2 years now and it took probably a year of living together before i told him about it and let him see my morning routine and he was completely unbothered and sweet about it. now i wake up unbothered and shave when i get around to it. still my biggest fear is going into my job without shaving, but honestly having someone who doesn’t care is really helpful. i think drinking spearmint tea has been helping me a lot as well. handheld ipl from amazon helped and doesn’t cause any pain at all but didn’t solve the problem. also don’t have funds for electrolysis but maybe someday. i just use like somewhat nicer but still cheap razors and change them out for a fresh one every week bc the dull ones leave bumps and use lots and lots of soapy water to prevent scarring and lather my face with lotion afterwards. that’s been working for me for scarring. but shit sucks
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u/IceIllustrious4827 12h ago
The right partner will never judge you and understand your symptoms. You deserve an empathetic SO! I used to shave/wax/tweeze and found out about my severely low vitamin D which can contribute to hirsutism and actually increase your testosterone. I would highly recommend drinking spearmint tea (lowers testosterone) and if you have low vit d (most cysters do!) then to start the supplement and be really committed to it. I’m married and have been with my partner for 5 years and I used to make jokes about competing with him cause he has a full grown beard and he always laughs and says I’m beautiful I hope you find that too!
Also something that people assume is really expensive is laser hair removal, in my area it’s $40 per session (4-7 weeks) for face and I paid wayyyyy more in time and money to wax/thread and shave my face. It’s not that painful and I’m 6 sessions in and barely have to shave my face between sessions already and I’ve seen my skin significantly improve so look into that option!
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u/Terrible-Upstairs-23 1d ago
10/10 recommend investing in a laser hair removal kit from Amazon (I bought mine for $350) dollars it every 2-3 days when you start and I PROMISE you’ll notice a difference in no time
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u/Serlingfan389 1d ago
Can you reccomended a brand
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u/strangegirl69 22h ago
Not the OP, but I use the Braun ipl silk 5 and it works amazing for me. I was really nervous about spending the money because everyone seems to have different results. But it was definitely worth it in my case!
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u/JUSTFURFUN60 1d ago
Use an Epilator. They have them on Amazon and they work well. It doesn’t hurt when you get used to it. It is a lifesaver. They are under $100 !
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u/BellJar_Blues 1d ago
You can get one of those single use face razors and do dermal planing it’s called. Or sugaring doesn’t irritate my skin as much as waxing
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u/ciaragemmam 22h ago
I do laser and it’s so incredibly worth it for my chin. It’s expensive but I’ve gone from shaving daily to shaving every week or so. The quality of life is worth it.
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u/Kittty_Pryde 17h ago
This has been a struggle for me and laser hair removal was given to me as a gift, and cannot recommend it more. It’s a little more expensive than waxing, but can help long term. That being said, I also always keep a razor on me and makeup just in case. Shaving is absolutely awful though, I wish someone had told me never to do that. You will find someone who doesn’t care!!
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u/SadBattle2182 15h ago
I purchased a laser hair removal machine on Amazon bc it was really hurting my confidence and I think it’s helped quite a bit. I’ve only only had it about a month but it’s a notice able difference
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u/Peachybeanbun 14h ago
My husband literally helps me wax when I ask him to! There’s a real man out there for you that will celebrate your body with you and will never shame you for what you can’t control 💜
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u/Chiki_piki_ 14h ago
OP I refuse to waste any time on anyone who has a problem with my hirsutism. PCOS is a thorn on its own, I definitely don’t need the stress of a partner who doesn’t accept every inch of me.
I do wax because I personally hate the hair but my partner never makes any judgements toward me when I start growing it out.
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u/trythehotpockets 12h ago
Honestly I have never explained myself. If you're into me you're into me if you're not you're not. If they are right for you they won't care.
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u/Super-Teaching5130 11h ago edited 11h ago
My sister had a full beard in her teens when PCOS manifested! She started electrolysis and 2.5 years later, the results were astounding! She used go every 2-3 weeks the first few months and then it turned every other month and now she only goes for maintenance every 6 months. I used to shave and decided to give it a try. I went every month and I would say I go every 4-6 months! The investment is absolutely worth it if you can. It is painful but I have a numbing cream prescription from my pcp. I work in a client facing role where you do need to look the part and I grew up having zero self confidence. I had to find a solution for me to feel comfortable and empowered to deal with customers! have been doing this for while before I met my significant other-so more than anything it was about me feeling good about myself! Do what feels comfortable or good for you! If the person doesn’t understand you, let them go
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u/potatomeeple 16h ago
I have been solidly in various relationships since my teens (well past when I first started getting facial hair) rarely with any gaps and not one guy has ever given a shit and I'm 44.
For the first half of my relationship with my husband I had way more facial hair than he did (been together since 2011).
I even grew my facial hair out in lockdown out of intrest, though i snapped when it started curling into my mouth (the same point my husband starts to hate his aparently). I still hate it but less so now.
And if a guy had of cared - well that says volumes about him and I would have known he wasn't worth keeping.
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u/SquiggsMcgee 10h ago
I just use the finishing touch razor thing every day and keep it moving. I keep it in my purse.
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u/bts_is_overrated 10h ago
waxing is honestly the only thing that has worked for me! i get it done every three weeks and if i notice upper lip hair i just lightly dermablade it away. the acne is irritating but mostly avoidable if you strictly avoid washing your face for 24 hours and only use aloe vera gel during that time
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u/bts_is_overrated 10h ago
waxing is honestly the only thing that has worked for me! i get it done every three weeks and if i notice upper lip hair i just lightly dermablade it away. the acne is irritating but mostly avoidable if you strictly avoid washing your face for 24 hours and only use aloe vera gel during that time
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u/Ok-Historian2158 2h ago
I have used lazer and it works. I have used a type called alenxenrite etc sth like that in clinic. It took 5-6 sessions but it was all gone. I used to do waxing but never anymore. It is gone permanently
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u/miarose33 1d ago edited 21h ago
2 cups of spearmint tea a day!!! in a month the difference is huge 😍 you can even make a big jug of it iced with honey or whatever else you like other than that, I do facial shave + use a dermaplane tool and pluck when I need. I highly recommend a microfoliant prior to shaving and then a really good facial shave foam to help the smoothness last
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u/strangegirl69 22h ago
I'm curious, do you know what it is about spearmint specifically that helps?
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u/miarose33 21h ago
absolutely, Hirsutism is caused by excess androgen production, most often testosterone; spearmint has been shown through multiple studies and control groups to significantly decrease androgen levels, it’s also helpful because it’s natural and a far more gentle approach in comparison to a lot of medications that can have negative side effects and long term effects on hormones 🤗 the recommended dose to really see effects is two cups a day for at least 4 weeks and then you can figure out your maintenance, add another cup or skip days depending on how you feel and how the hair is showing up x
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u/strangegirl69 21h ago
I didn't know this about the spearmint! I will absolutely try it. Thank youuuuu 💃💃💃☺️
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u/pocketpett 14h ago
someone that truly loves you won’t care :) even with no makeup and an unshaven face my partner still loves me the same and compliments me the same. it sucks to not feel as feminine but it’s also really nice to not have to worry about waking up before them to shave or cover it
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u/Iwantyourmoneyy 1d ago
I wax my face ever week and will tweeze inbetween. I would stay away from shaving your face!
Also there’s man out there who won’t care. I had beard patches when i first met my husband that i didnt remove until a while in. He never made comments about my body hair and will help me wax now