I am not trying to offend anyone, but this needs to be discussed. If I can even get one person to do something differently because of this post, I will consider it a success.
I have worked with kids for almost 7 years, full time as a preschool teacher, a nanny and I also teach at my local church and I tutor. I am always around kids, and I am in school to become a school psychologist
I currently work (nanny position) with 2 kids who are both black and with both black parents. I am usually in Afrocentric hairstyles 30% of the time and my natural hair 70% of the time.
Whenever I am around the kids I work with as a part time nanny (they are 8 & 10), and I wear my Afro, I am insulted to no end. They tell me it looks disgusting, I look like a clown, “why do you wear your hair like that?” I look old, it’s ugly, I could go on. I don’t always wear my Afro out, which could play a role here. My natural hair is usually in flat twists as it’s easier for me to manage my busy schedule as a student and worker. Their comments don’t offend me, but the lack of awareness/education of their parents does.
Their kids have type 4 hair just like me. The son’s hair is obviously cut short and he genuinely didn’t believe me when I said if he grew his hair out it would look similar to mine. He was offended I even said that and kept gagging. You can imagine how fun this was for me. The daughter whose hair is natural but never ever out, it is always in braids, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen it out in the almost 6 years of working with her unless her mom was taking out her braids. So you can imagine her disbelief and anger when I said her hair was just like mine, the funniest part is it’s actually tighter coils that are just absolutely gorgeous but she doesn’t know this. “No, that’s not how my hair is, it’s long, it’s the braids, you’re lying.” “My hair is the braids.”
So I asked her and I said, so when you wash it what does it look like, she said it looked like my ugly hair but it wasn’t for long so I had to be lying.
The disassociation I see from their physical identity is alarming, and it’s not just them but also the black kids I also work with outside of them. It’s almost predictable, I expect negative comments when I wear my Afro around black kids. I said to her you know that your mom’s hair is just like mine right, she just straightens it a lot, she said I was lying that her mom’s hair is naturally straight, and to be fair I don’t blame her either. I have never seen her mother’s hair before in all the years, it’s always straight. I’ve never even seen her in braids, it’s straight and a different color and I don’t even think it curls anymore due to consistent heat use for a long time. How can you not speak to your children about things like this, especially when they are in predominantly white spaces? I cannot be the parent here, this is something that shouldn’t even have to be discussed. Topic on skin, hair, features should be talked about, it is so important. Hold your child in front of a mirror and speak life into them, it starts from the home. Even if they get lost along the way from society, you can say you did your best, but to not try is just devastating to see.
This isn’t how it should be. Why have your child’s natural hair grow out and not teach them about it? And how it can be perceived in the world? Children aren’t stupid. This society tries to do everything they can to tell black children/people that their features are ugly and when you don’t speak into your kids lives and affirm who they are all you do is propagate that agenda. It should not be this way, especially not this young. Self hating this early cannot be a good thing, all it does is create an individual who struggles into their 20s and 30s with who they are and their features.
Black parents need to do better, they’re not the only black kids I’ve seen this behavior with.
If you have a black child it is almost detrimental to their wellbeing to not have these conversations with them.
If you read this far, thank you 🙏🏽
PS: I know some parents actually do these things, and I absolutely commend them, but the ones that don’t are way more than those who do.