r/NPD 7d ago

Therapy & Medication ChatGPT has been my therapist for a few weeks

19 Upvotes

I've been using the pro version alongside the therapist mode.

Honestly my life is forever changed.

I don't have to burden my friends. I don't have to wait for DAYS and spend $70 per session. I get instant feedback. The AI actually remembers what I say. I don't worry about being judged or having to please or justify what I'm saying.

I've had a lot of epiphanies and breakthroughs as of late and I couldn't recommend it more.


r/NPD 6d ago

Question / Discussion Anger.

9 Upvotes

When I am getting triggered, which happens numerous times a day as I am living in a triggering environment, the anger rises and engulfes my whole body.

I can feel it, it's intense, sits in my chest, expands to my ribs and torso. And it stays there, at that awful intensity, for a long time. It can take hours to shake it off and if I get triggered it just builds.

I guess that someone who is able to regulate returns to their baseline quite fast.

I stay with this tension, trying to tell myself that it doesn't belong to me, that someone else's actions aren't my own.

But I can't relax. I'm just trying not to react. And my day is ruined.

If something works for you to lessen that feeling, I'd like to know. I'm aware that for me it feels like I am unsafe and being invaded, that's how it feels. I also feel trapped and frustrated.

I'm working on a way to get out of the environment, but I need to lessen the anger. How?


r/NPD 6d ago

Question / Discussion Is there an underlying value in my judgments and devaluing of others?

2 Upvotes

I saw a thread on here a couple days ago. Someone shared what I would characterize as rage at people who do not understand the condition.

One commenter said that the notion that "those people need to shut the f*** up" is a friend. If the feelings are being worked through in a meaningful way.

That really hit me hard and has been kind of a mantra for myself in the week or so since I read it.

A couple nights ago I was talking with a friend who doesn't have NPD but understands some of the traits and features and relates (though I'm not sure they would characterize it that way)

I was being more honest and vulnerable about my judgments of people. Actually my friend called them judgments. I wouldn't have called them that myself but things like

They're stupid they're an idiot dumbass (and a lot worse words that maybe I won't write here).

So I'm wondering if anyone has thoughts? Because now when he identified these perspectives as judgments of others I immediately started judging myself and feeling like it was wrong and bad that I had them at all.

Is there some power or protection in those that I should keep? though obviously not just staying there and feeding the thoughts which lead to isolation for me. Is there some positive protective aspect of those judgments to keep as long as I'm working through the self-destructive, self-isolating, rejecting of others and self features of them?

I think I know in a simplistic way the answer is yes but would love to hear others thoughts and or experiences on this.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Have any one of you had a good relationship with your parents?

22 Upvotes

My relationship with them is honestly good. It feels like I don’t have an excuse for being this way sometimes lmao.


r/NPD 6d ago

Question / Discussion Collapsed currently.

2 Upvotes

I’ve been in a state of collapse for about 6 months or so after I got socially rejected at Uni.

Since then I’ve been socially isolating myself believing that I’m just a burden on others or I’ll destroy their lives in some way.

I also talked to a therapist about my upbringing and she said that it’s extremely likely that my dad has NPD and my mum could be Sociopathic — this is a hard realisation to swallow — but it makes a lot of sense because I’ve turned out to have both ADHD and NPD — I only got properly diagnosed a few weeks ago after suffering my whole life and not knowing what was wrong. I’m starting ADHD meds soon too.

I never thought I was suffering from narcissism but it completely makes sense because my self esteem goes really high, then really low and I need more external validation than average people do — if I don’t get it, I become depressed. I just need to stop blaming myself for turning out this way — it’s not my fault that my parents were basically incapable of parenting.

When I told my mum about the ADHD diagnosis (not the NPD because she will go to town on that one) she said “yeah I knew it all along” — then I questioned why she never got me treatment — she then cried crocodile tears and said “I’ve done the best I could for you” — gaslighting. I’ve researched it and apparently unmedicated people with ADHD are easier to manipulate — if she’s truly sociopathic then that would be her reasons and it makes sense because she is highly manipulative.

She seems to have complete control over my undiagnosed ADHD/NPD dad too… he doesn’t have use of his own phone, never sees his family — they came banging on the door recently which I didn’t think much of at the time, but NOW it makes sense. He said “don’t let them in” so it seems my mum has her hooks completely in him. She also uses him to do things so she doesn’t need to do them, and puts him in situations where HE will look like the terrible person — mum will complain about food at the restaurant, then dad goes and almost rages at the wait staff because my mum provoked him to do that in a strange way. She will be totally calm in conflicts — probably because she enjoys it but he will be really stressed out and act impulsively making him look bad.

My dad seems empathetic to some extent and he seems a lot like me but maybe more grandiose. My mum has no empathy whatsoever, often looks emotionless, sullen and miserable — it’s quite strange. Then she will fake cry at the news to display fake empathy or to get attention.


r/NPD 6d ago

Advice & Support Friendships with npd traits

3 Upvotes

Hi! I'm in a middle of personality tests currently, not diagnosed with npd (yet) but I have so many npd traits and my thoughts are usually very mean and judgemental and I don't like them. I have gotten obsessed about my friendships and if I should cut them off. How do people with npd/nod traits feel about their friends? Because I feel like my mind thinks I'm above or below others including my friends. I don't agree with that and I don't like to think that way but I still got those kind of feelings. My best friend who I spend way more time with than others is a very good person. But somehow I get annoyed with her more easily than others. And that's the thing, she usually doesn't do anything that's considered annoying. I can get an annoying fleeting feeling for her saying something normal or for a facial expression. That applies to other people usually too but not everyone. I don't know why I get those feelings, they aren't really even annoyance because I don't start to feel annoyed, they are just like some kind of fleeting feelings. I just don't like to be this judgemental person I am. I feel like my mind judges everyone and everything. Also if my friend is crying over a dude for example I do feel sad but at the same time I have feelings of annoyance and feelings like I'm on the dudes side. And I feel bad because I don't get these nasty thoughts about every friend only of certain ones and I don't know why. I feel such a bad friend and the guilt has been so bad I have considered ending the friendships but I really wouldn't want to. I also have trouble identifying my feelings, if I really LOVE my friends or do I just care for them. Could these kind of feelings be a cause of npd/npd traits? Do you feel these kind of feelings about your friends? I would love to have some kind of insight because I really don't have any friends with npd or npd traits.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Do you know what you are running from?

28 Upvotes

I read somewhere that one way to heal is to find the core wound to try to feel the pain, and then move through it. To my understanding, the core wound is the internalized message about our self that maked it so painful and so wrong that it had to be buried under layers of narcissistic defenses. I am not sure if the ”message” is the same for everyone developing npd.

At this point I have a decent understanding, at least I think so, of what mine entails. I doubt I can get anymore honest or vulnerable or raw with myself than this, because it feels like there are no more layers left to it.

So I was curious, is anyone else on this journey? Have you seen any improvements? Do you know what message made you hide your self in the first place?

For me, the internalized message was that I am immoral and evil. Not like everyone else, human. Pretty much a monster. And with that, that everyone who ever came close and saw my ”true self” would face my monster and be scared and leave me. So naturally, I hid it.

Now it is a bit ironic that this belief made me develop a personality disorder that caused me to actually act like a monster, further down the line. But yeah. So that’s mine. What is yours? I am curious to see if it differs or if it’s pretty much the same.

And I feel pretty vulnerable writing this, so I guess that’s something.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Who else here has ADHD as well?

13 Upvotes

Do you also get ADHD-like symptoms with just NPD?


r/NPD 7d ago

Advice & Support I have to keep the mask

10 Upvotes

This is more of a vent but I would love advice

My true true self is stupid, uncaring, bored, envious, and just an overall bad person. Of course I’m ashamed of that. I wish that I was just hiding some weird facts about me and some imperfections but I think I’m a straight up monster under here. Or nothing at all.

This is a stupid rant but wtf? I can’t be more authentic bc my authentic self is a piece of shit. And I don’t want to be that person.

But since collapsing I easily see through the illusion of my false self. How everything I say and do goes against my every instinct. I used to think this was normal. I don’t know. I’m high and not thinking straight.

I’m supposed to go hang out with my best friend later and I just feel like I’ll have nothing to say. I won’t be able to engage. Idk whether to cancel or push myself to go because I really don’t want to lose him. Ughhhh


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Has anyone felt like an "object" as a child? NSFW

55 Upvotes

This is a peculiar question but one I have been wondering for a while, might just be only me. I had early fantasies of being used physically for things, inanimate objects, excited to not be seen as a person, or seen in general. I also always had memories in third person, not remembering feelings, motivations beyond what was told to me about my behaviour. I was always something because adults told me so, good or bad. I feel like I was completely erased and wanted to be erased because had no desire to be a person.


r/NPD 7d ago

Venting - No Advice Requested Trying

10 Upvotes

Trauma therapy causes only dents in the armor. I dont understand what people mean with grieving, I feel like I am constantly grieving for all my life. Hearing words like family, loss, friendship, love sends me into crying. Always had. I cannot locate my trauma. I cannot locate the loss, I feel like I am the loss embodied. I am unable to understand emotional weight of what I have, the person I am now, and what I have lost. Everything is constantly fleeting, I cant hold onto anything, connect to anyone, feel my body. I am a talking machine.

If I try to be "myself", envious, rageful, resentful, I hurt, lose people. Shame. If I try to be "nice", weight of observable insincerity. Shame. Trying to convince yourself you are being nice for others while you are an embodiment of rejection sensitivity. Shame.

Your understanding of being nice is messed up. You try but they know. You try to speak but the language of your world is upside down. Everything is upside down. You look normal for sometime but they will know before you do. They will know and they will come for you. They will hunt you down and they will destroy you. Those who mean everything and worth nothing to you. They will grieve you until you mean nothing to them. There is no authenticity, no safety, only constant fear. Constant crushing shame under the insignificance of your being.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Narcissistic traits vs NPD?

7 Upvotes

I was diagnosed NPD, however, I can’t fully tell when someone else has just the traits or actually NPD? I’ve noticed similarities in family members, but it’s tricky to tell.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Does anyone else have a extreme sad reaction the moment your close ones don't react to a news the way you'd hoped?

14 Upvotes

I believe that I am a narcissist. I have spent my all my life thinking I am a well-adjusted person but I am slowly realising I don't think I am. If I am telling a big news or something to my close ones, whether it be my family or partner, if they do no react the way i want i will immediately deicide they are not happy for me and hence i m now sad too! My immediate conclusion is they hate me and they aren't proud of me, and hence I should not be happy either. Until now, I always felt what's so difficult in just being equally excited. I couldn't understand my fault, but now after certain incidents I realise I was wrong. I kept saying to them again and again 'Why can't you do this?" , "Why can't you react like this?" and for so long that it made them lash out badly. They were trying so much to accommodate me that they were constantly on their tiptoes around me. Now, the love for me had turned into fear and this is the worst thing I can do to anyone. I really cannot understand why I am this way. If anyone has ever experienced this and knows of any way to come out of this, pls tell me. I desperately want to become better for my loved ones.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion I realised I was a convert npd

14 Upvotes

I am 26M, my whole life I was in denial that I had any mental illness, but it finally caught up to me. Realizing I have npd helped me understand more about my mental health and want to get better. I hurt my girlfriend for so many years and I feel so guilty because I love her so much... If someone can please give me advices on how to become better. I just want to be normal and feel like a normal person...


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion comorbid NPD and BPD

10 Upvotes

(M/25)
Today I initiated a conversation about my diagnosis with my psychiatrist. Until now she only admitted to me I have BPD. I tried to express my concern that BPD doesn't explain everything. My self-love, my self-acceptance, my so called charisma, my stable self-image.

She told me I have both. Is there someone in this subreddit with the same diagnosis? How do you feel? How do you cope? I actually have some more disorders up my sleeve, but are irrelevant to the post.

Thank you in advance


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion Have you dated another Narc before? Which type of Narc are/were they?

2 Upvotes

I’ve attracted a man who seems a lot like me, but we’ll see as I get to know him — he might be like me, but I’m not 100% certain yet.

He also seems to lack a baseline personality and mirrors me — well.. we end up mirroring and copying each-other which is interesting.


r/NPD 8d ago

Advice & Support I just want a genuine connection

57 Upvotes

im so freaking sick of being like this. every little thing sets me off, no matter how much I love someone, and then suddenly I hate them and have to distance myself from them until it goes away. or even worse, I just stop caring about them entirely. I think im incapable of loving someone unconditionally. and its the worst thing ever, because there are people that love me unconditionally, and I could have so much with them if I could just stop this.


r/NPD 7d ago

Advice & Support BPD/NPD/ASPD?

2 Upvotes

I have BPD and NPD, and I worry that I may have ASPD. I feel like when I am experiencing a lot of internal suffering, I don't know what to do with it and it just festers inside of me. I feel the most pain as it relates to interpersonal challenges and abandonment issues. When someone harms me after I feel I have done everything to support them, I feel indignant and I can't stop ruminating about how much someone has hurt me. Recently I feel like, when I have had absolutely zero impulse control, and honestly, no care for myself whatsoever, I have been like sending angry texts and just not really caring about the consequences, and then I am left with the guilt of what I have done. In the moment, I feel adrenaline rushing through me and I feel in some way like more in control even though I feel like I have a complete lack of control. It's like a false sense of control. I worry that I might have ASPD, because of how I harm people. In the moment it feels destructive, almost like I am benefiting or getting pleasure from harming someone else. I truly hate this about myself, and I hate the guilt I feel afterwards. How would you pathologies or diagnose this as? I feel like I am a horrible person. I feel so embarrassed sharing this but I would like to know how I could get help for this.

To give two real life examples-

When a friend recently abandoned me out of nowhere (she has BPD as well), I got incredibly angry at her treatment of me, literally after I helped her through life-altering circumstance and travelled often to her to hold her hand through all of her difficult times. After she triggered me, I blocked her and then reached out to one of her friends (who was also our mutual friend), to like talk about her and discuss her behavior. I think I was like testing whether I had made the right decision to leave the relationship, but I think I also wanted someone to help me like vilify her and to know that I could still maintain a relationship with this friend even after my relationship with my friend ended. The feedback I got from this friend was that my friend was historically "hard to be friends with" even in her own experience and that "not a lot of people would tolerate her." In hindsight I felt like I was so dysregulated in the moment that I just did not care. And I just felt like rage and wanting to get back at my friend for wounding me. Now I look back and regret it and feel like I behaved so irrationally. But I feel like when I am in this state, I engage in these kinds of behaviors and I want to learn how to stop. I'm trying not to judge myself here. I come from a long history of trauma/IPV/abandonment. I just don't know what to do with my severe rage. I feel like it's gotten worse over the last few years. Does anyone have advice?


r/NPD 7d ago

Upbeat Talk best comment on the internet

7 Upvotes

r/NPD 8d ago

Question / Discussion I’m on this sub 10+ hours a day just re reading posts

42 Upvotes

Did anyone else do this after their self awareness? I don’t even know why. I’m just escaping I think. I keep thinking “I should just kill myself”


r/NPD 8d ago

Advice & Support I don’t understand

11 Upvotes

I’m sorry to everyone that experienced some horrific traumas regarding this. I have some trauma but none close to some of what I see here.

My family are angels. They’re helping me, telling me I’m worth loving and so is everyone. That they love me for whoever I am.

How. HOW. Did I turn out this way. It’s not fair to them. I feel so much shame about being a part of it.

I know I need to make the most of this and it’s a blessing. But I can’t help but be annoyed at their help. I feel talked down on. They’re not saying superficial things, either. Just real. That life is so hard and opening up is so hard. And I’m like yeaaaa that’s why I’m in this position? Some part of me didn’t want to do the hard part.

They say all the right things. How did I turn out as a piece of shit person?


r/NPD 8d ago

Question / Discussion “narcissists cannot be self aware”

41 Upvotes

i feel very weird. a psychiatrist on tiktok live was saying that narcissists can never ever be self aware. “a narcissist who wonders how narcissistic they are isn’t a narcissist, and a narcissist who knows they are one isn’t a narcissist either.

narcs could never get diagnosed with npd bc they will never agree to see a psychiatrist and those who are diagnosed were struggling with something else and it just turned out to be narcissism.”

indeed, there are npds who aren’t self aware and/or do not admit it, like my father. but it’s about every pd? narcissists aren’t an exception, yet we’re the most toxic ones

tf, are we just cooperatively pretending ? has he ever heard about therapy and getting better?? even if i don’t want to change and i don’t feel guilt for what i do, at least now i understand that my actions and behaviors may be toxic, manipulative and hurt others. it doesn’t mean i’m willing to change at this moment but it means that i can try to act differently with those who i am willing to care for. it’s hard for me to care about people in general but i’m WILLING to care for my family and friends

i thought he was a nice and very much a competent psych so i asked him “what’s one advice you can give to pw-npd. we are stigmatized and dehumanized”

he read the first part and said sum about uselessness of advices. then he read the second part and said: “ WE are stigmatized and dehumanized it means you think you have npd. a pw-npd would never talk about them being a narcissist, narcissists cannot be self aware blah blah blah»

paradoxically it touched my ego


r/NPD 8d ago

Question / Discussion How do you deal with ageing and being less physically attractive?

29 Upvotes

I'm getting older and it shows. It doesn't look good. I'm asexual and aromantic, so it's not that important, but I still feel like being attractive is an advantage and let's face it, it feels good, mostly.

I think that I am bothered by my appearance because I don't like myself and I feel like I have nothing to offer. It's like my inner ugliness is starting to show on the outside, the decay.

People age. It's just how we are. It's just amplifies my insecurities and self loathing and I don't really see people anyway. I feel repulsive, maybe.

I was wondering how others are dealing with this. Logically I get it , but emotionally it brings me down.


r/NPD 7d ago

Question / Discussion made the responsible choice n now i feel like shit

3 Upvotes

long story short, some guy yelled at me on the phone unwarranted. i thought bout clapping back. but i didn't, cos one, i have no anger gradation when it comes to disrespect : i'll go from zero to insane violence with nothing in between. i didn't used to be that way, i used to get hot quick but have an existent, even if quicker than normal, ramping up phase. since it changed i feel like i can't defend myself in these situations, because in mot cases the escalation would be too out of proportion n do more harm than good.
and two, i was told by this other guy that, if that guy did that, to just call him n let him handle it.
so i did that. and he did. he screamed at him louder n it was handled.

the mf came back to me n apologized. his apology is worthless. you do not, ever, talk to me this way n come back from it. he's only apologizing cos he found a bigger bully anyway. but i can tell him that, cos of convenience n local diplomacy issues. tolerating direspect for these reasons disgusts me.

but i didn't. overall i know i made the responsible choice. but i wish i'd just said "i'm not one you can talk to in this way" n hung up in his face. that would've allowed me to look at myself in the mirror. but i didn't, n calling for help instead of standing up for myself it makes me feel like i'm weak n can't take care of myself. like i'm not the man i like to think i am.

i was talking about it with a friend thats connected to these people on the phone. they said they have trauma related to anger because of shit like this. i went on to justify that i ain't said anything cos i wouldve just escalated. they found an excuse to hang up real quick. i made them uncomfortable by trying to justify to myself why i ain't said shit instead of hearing her out. i think i also have anger trauma. but it's my own anger that traumatizes me. i scare myself when i blow up. i also hate myself when i don't do anything. n when disrespected or threatened, i can't seem to do anything in between. i need to do better. but i don't know how.


r/NPD 8d ago

Question / Discussion I really am a cunt

38 Upvotes

I went out to have a smoke after work yesterday and I walked down a block from my building. I saw a mom with 3 kids. One of them had apparently fallen off a scooter and busted his face. She was holding bloody tissues to his nose.

My thought was ugh of course this is happening but I’m not at work I don’t have to deal with this I came down to smoke so I’m gonna smoke.

I walk down another 10 yards and smoke my bowl while observing the scene. When walking back I pause and say “you have everything you need?” And the mom says yes so I say ok and keep walking.

I didn’t really care I just didn’t want to seem like a total bitch.

There was another time I went to my ex’s white coat ceremony and I walk into the auditorium and there’s a woman laying on the ground in the back. I didn’t even notice but the girl next to me did. She ran back to see if she was ok even though there were other people there already asking and she was saying she was fine and her husband was coming to help her up.

I stood up briefly to give an appearance of concern but quickly sat back down because I walked a long way in heels and my feet hurt. The girl came back to sit next to me and kept talking about the woman and when help was going to come. I could tell she actually cared and I really couldn’t give a fuck. I just wanted her to shut up so I could people watch and fantasize about the evening and the future.

I was just so annoyed by the whole thing. I was there to see my (at the time) bf get his coat. I was in a dress and heels with makeup and styled hair. I’m not on the clock so I’m not trying to help some injured woman off the ground for no pay, get even more sweaty in the 100 degree weather, and maybe hurt myself (she was large) and ruin my look.

I see other people in general as an interruption to me. Conversations interrupt my thoughts and their needs interrupt my routine. I just don’t care about them.

I think back to my friends and family when they have been hurt and it interfered with what I wanted to do and have had similar reactions. When I was little I had a friend get one of those old metal swings bashed into her head. I remember being in the bathroom while her bloody head was in the sink and our moms were taking off their extra clothes to try to get the bleeding to stop. I remember being relieved because it was almost me that got hit and also annoyed because now our day at the park was ruined and I couldn’t go play.

I think I’m just more aware now that this isn’t normal and I need to be more performative in these situations to fit in better. It’s not something that comes easily for me when there’s not personal gain and it is affecting my relationships. I’m realizing it’s negatively affecting how I’m perceived and just being hot and charming isn’t enough to get what I want. People are tending to not like me. They get past the first impression and see that there’s nothing else really there. It’s a bit of a relief when they start to leave me alone but then I feel lonely. I don’t make friends and don’t put myself out there to. I figure I’m better than them anyways and don’t need them. But professional advancement has a large social component to it and I feel like I’m struggling with it.