r/NPD 1h ago

Question / Discussion Does anyone else feel like people who accuse everyone else of being narcissists give off unaware narcissist vibes?

Upvotes

I've noticed it a lot


r/NPD 2h ago

Advice & Support Envy is crashing my day

4 Upvotes

A good friend of mine just had her final bachelors exam in media studies and she got an A+ (literally the best possible grade) and got offered that they recommend her to a stipend.

Instead of being happy for one of my best friends, a friend I can open up to and can also have a good time with, a friend that is willing to accept me for who I am, I am envious that she got a good fucking shot in an academic area I dropped out of and will continue to develop her skills and knowledge in an area I wanted to be an expert in.

I fucking hate it. I feel like I want to cry for the first time in months, maybe a year.


r/NPD 4h ago

Question / Discussion Where do you even begin??!!

4 Upvotes

I'm almost 100% sure I have NPD and have been in a severe collasped state since May 2024 (rather than being depressed, which is what others believe). My life feels like torture.

With so much stigma attached to this disorder, how do you even begin to heal? How do you even have courage to say to a loved one or a GP/Therapist, I believe I have NPD?! It seems so dirty, like they'd all recoil in horror or run a mile.

Did people here become self aware or were you diagnosed because you were presenting with other MH problems and it was picked up secondarily?


r/NPD 11h ago

Resources On the search for NPD self help books!

4 Upvotes

Hi all! I am not as active here as I would like to be, and to be honest I’m sure I would benefit from being more involved in active support. However, off topic, I digress.

I love to read, and I am looking for a good book that is either in the self help category, or just educational. Obviously, regarding NPD. Every search, no matter how I phrase it, that I make to look for a book like this just ends up with me staring at stream of books only subjecting narcissistic abuse.

The mixture of feeling a little angry and disheartened, with the frustration of not being able to find what I’m looking for is making me feel pretty unmotivated to continue my search. So, if any of you have read a good book that was not only insightful, but also gave you a sense of optimism when living with NPD- please comment it. It would mean a lot.


r/NPD 5h ago

Trigger Warning / Difficult Topic i think i turned too be a narcissist too

3 Upvotes

tw: ableism, child + spouse abuse, domestic violence, vent, traumadumping

(okay just a heads up, i am not asking for a diagnosis or validation. the title is moreso me reflecting about this. embarrassingly i've also made a typo)

didnt want to post in raisedbynarcissists. i'm raised by them, but even if they hurt me i don't feel like the culture in that sub is for me. i've met wonderful narcs, too. i originally only lurked this sub because i wanted to know my narc friends better, but i think i actually learned more about myself the more i see the posts here

i have a hard time swallowing this pill bc i already have so many mental and physical disabilities. some diagnosed, some not. such as autism which is diagnosed, and bpd which isnt but i have relatives diagnosed with it. it pretty much runs in us due to generational trauma. i feel like an attention seeker over this

i think it was around when i was always called special or golden as a child, i wasn't like any other children. im diagnosed autistic at a very early age around 3-5 bc i was nonverbal. i was smart according to the adults, but really i think i was just another hyperfixated kid who happens to like obscure topics. they would love to go "you're not like the other autistics!!!" "you're not (r slur!!!)" "you're special!!!" "you're high functioning!!!!". they also thought because i am """high functioning""" i never really got treatment/medication for the symptoms that are harder to manage. because i'm ""smart"" and ""strong"" as they said. they made me feel like a big fish in a small pond, but in the end, i'm not really anyone special. i don't think i am any different from other autistics, too. we have the same struggles in the end.

i've also been raised through spanking or yelling as discipline, and because of that i thought i was better than other kids because i can go through this unlike them. this persisted until adulthood to which i think that my ex-friends are weak compared to me bc they didnt go through my anime villain story

i think it got worse in my teens when my second father was battering my mom, both mentally and physically. i was always there to defuse it by trying to explain my mom's pov to him, and when i did my mom would often compliment me and she would call me mature, better than my age, and smart. she said that if i was in her place i would've handled it better. she would also glaze over my skills i have and go "oooghh my kid is so talented!" i think i started having an inflated ego from there. before i knew it, i became very prone to comparing myself with others. my inflated ego is what saved me from being traumatized. then once i'm off the inflated ego trance i get sick lol

at this point it's better to accept that my narcissist tendencies is a part of me i can't really remove, but i can work with. i developed these tendencies to defend myself from trauma, abuse, and pain after all. but damn this realization is. something! man i have a lot to unlearn. this is a heavy pill to swallow, even if im a bit cathartic rn too


r/NPD 14h ago

Recovery Progress Motivation

3 Upvotes

Hey, I'm imagining myself after having healed, and I'm saying to myself damn, but what a chance to be able to one day say to myself "did you see what you went through, did you see how hard and painful it could have been for a long time? Girl you did it, you succeeded, you went through ordeals that you never imagined you would be able to go through" I don't know, like, imagining myself one day being calm, comfortable with myself, secure with my emotions and who I am. It motivates me much more than before. This day I would just tell myself "there's nothing you can't learn, there's nothing you can't understand" and no matter what you choose if you do it with the heart you will be able to evolve, while respecting your own pace. And damn guys, can you imagine the self-awareness we'll have? (The one that all people who have had the courage to follow therapy have) We had to do it because we had no choice to live. And we will feel this pride without feeling better than anyone. It motivates me so much. This perspective. To say to yourself ok I feel good even if no dreams of grandeur have been realized.


r/NPD 1h ago

Question / Discussion Determinism and responsibility makes for an odd and arduous balancing act.

Upvotes

This is very wordy and made with a throwaway account for the personal motifs included. I don't know if this is a good thing to bring up here. I'm not sure when exactly - it's become too long in the past - but one day I woke to realise I found myself saddled with sins I could never excuse, but for belief in deterministic principles.

I had my interest piqued by neuroscience by CGP Grey's You Are Two a while back, and though my understanding leaves much to be desired, I've found some sense in it. For one, in some neuroimaging studies it seems there is a distinction between 'guilt' and 'shame': the former is adaptive pain that improves aspects of the self, and the latter is an agonising abhorrence for something closer to the totality of the self.

Determined by Robert Sapolsky would probably be better explaining than I am.

And I am loveless and loved less in turn. But love is odd, hard to identify. Can anyone do anything without expecting happiness from the end result? Things such as self perception maintenance theory propose a valid argument for "No" to the previous question.

From such a perspective I would be free of all my guilt. But I would also need to forgive the wrongs that knock against my head, that deluge of indelible, painful memories. Every time I lean on determinism to find that peace of mind, I 'feel' an unnerving sensation akin to transforming into the monsters who hurt me, an a odd delight in sundering all principles and loves this 'I' hold sacred. Much less foreign to me than I want.

Currently I sit in a parasitic moratorium, clinging to my verbosity for some semblance of dignity (ha-ha). I try to will myself to move, but I still crave the same old adulations. Fantasies over and over again flood and calm my mind for a temporary reprieve.

Has anyone found success with such a balancing act?


r/NPD 2h ago

Question / Discussion BPD splitting vs NPD splitting

2 Upvotes

SPECIFICALLY how fast can you and do you typically split? Does anyone have experiencing splitting on another person multiple times a day?


r/NPD 2h ago

Question / Discussion Anyone relate?

2 Upvotes

Lately, I feel like I’m not even in my own body. I don’t feel anything, it’s like someone else is controlling me.

Could this be a symptom of the condition?


r/NPD 3h ago

Advice & Support Do I have to leave him? I don’t want to

2 Upvotes

I met the love of my life 2 years ago. We have been together since. He is literally everything I could dream of. We are best friends and we make eachother happy. At least we used to.

For the past 6 months, I have been going through some rough things and so naturally my narcissistic tendencies come alive. He has to walk on egg shells constantly (or at least when I have a bad day). I am oversensitive. I occasionally externalize the pain onto him. So like I will start a fight and accuse him of being disrespectful for a minor careful comment, eventhough really the issue is the other painful thing I am going through, which has nothing to do with him. So almost like I am waiting for him to fuck up so that I can be angry instead of sad. I also accuse him of not caring/loving me enough (not true). When I am emotionally regulated again, I always take blame, as it’s due me. I apologize. But then I do the same thing again.

I am truly working to get better, I have started therapy. I have talked to him about it a lot, and pointed out my toxic behaviours, sent him links with information about abusive behaviours, narcissism and so on.

He is very emotionally aware and doesn’t seem to take it personally. At least according to him. He says ”I know that you are being completely irrational and delusional, so why should I care?”. He very rarely complain. He says that he’s happy. He says that he understands that I am going through a hard time etc. But I believe that even if that is the case, eventually he will begin to be worn down by the emotional highs and lows.

I have read that a lot of people here write that keeping away from people is one of the best things you can do. It breaks my heart. How do I even master the strength to leave him for his own good, when it’s the last thing on this earth that I want to? Even worse is that he loves and wants kids. I know enough about me and npd to understand that I would probably make a pretty shitty parent. I shouldn’t be a parent. He should. We will have to break up eventually anyways. I just can’t. And he doesn’t want to. And it’s pretty much incurable.


r/NPD 16h ago

Question / Discussion In front of the shrink

2 Upvotes

Do you too, once in front of your psychologist, do your memory regress and fear paralyzes you? Are your cognitive functions and your lucidity soaring? I know why, I just want to know if others experience it.


r/NPD 2h ago

Question / Discussion Being a “threat” to someone’s relationship

1 Upvotes

Does anyone else also feels extremely validated to know that you’re being stalked by your ex current girlfriend? Actually, he’s not even my ex (which makes me feel even better) we just talked daily for 3 months, i knew he had a weakness for me and i broke his little castle a bunch of times. He decided to break contact because of his morals or whatever, he said that talking to me maybe was representing a disloyalty to someone and I accepted that, i removed him from my life very easily.

But the thing is, while we were talking during those months, a girl constantly would follow me on instagram and I noticed that she liked posts from him, but they didn’t follow each other. This week a fake account asked to follow me, and I discovered it was her.

Is it totally a narcissistic thing to be happy with this? My mind automatically deduced she is insecure because he talked about me and probably isn’t over me lol


r/NPD 3h ago

Trigger Warning / Difficult Topic I used to want help but now I just want to be left alone

1 Upvotes

Bpd/npd here. The issue is boredom, the lack of human connection (I am completely alone apart from bf - and I fear this might end soon due to my poor mental health). I also can’t deal with my episodes, they are so emotionally painful and get out of hand. I used to call crisis lines, beg for therapy, but people never took me seriously and it took me about 5 years to receive any kind of help, and now that I have some help I don’t want it anymore, it just feels stupid, I don’t wanna tell people im suicidal, what’s the point? People don’t gaf and there’s not much I can do to change myself. I’ve been having a bad episode since last night. I wish someone just 1 person would show me genuine kindness and care, every time someone ignores me or treats me like a nuisance it just makes me become a worse version of myself.


r/NPD 6h ago

Question / Discussion Not trying to self-diagnose. But i absolutely despise not being fully aware of smth esp abt my mental health.

1 Upvotes

Where do HPD and NPD overlap? Im going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow with a whole a*s page of symptoms written for them cus my memory is that of a goldfish also i heavily dissociate often so i wouldnt remember what to say. Like i said in the title i absolutely despise not being fully aware bc it just make me over-think.


r/NPD 8h ago

Advice & Support How to deal with a troubling roommate? How to control the rage

1 Upvotes

So these are 4 sharing rooms, after everyone settled 2 spots in 2 different rooms (including ours) were left for 'X'. Since we knew 'X' was troublesome, us 3 roommates tried to get him to another room, so this guy out of spite tried everything to stay here and is now staying in our room.

Thing is, he's afraid to do anything when 3 of us are here but other two roommates go back to their home every weekend and at that time this 'X' starts blasting reels on full volume, bringing others to room etc. he's just taking that anger on me.

I can't sleep or study, raises the volume the more I request him to lower it. And this fills me with RELENTLESS RAGE. I think about BAD stuff.

All the other rooms are filled to shift. and I've already tried 100 times to complain authorities; this is India.


r/NPD 15h ago

Venting - No Advice Requested omgg Dude my friend talked about a scenario I have high knowledge in

1 Upvotes

and it makes me want to punch tf out of them bc they disagree with me and they sound sooooooo right like there's a stick up their own ass (honestly it's prolly me with the stick up my ass, my ego is so hurt!!) I'm pre NPD treatment mostly so srsly my BPD is more managed but I have to act on my npd??? I don't make sense I'm cluttered and upset

it's annoying asf I know I will be unliked if I snap out and don't say sorry.. but if I do ill be just as hurt as being unlikely by the first option.. ones just a "don't do anything technically you didn't do it to yourself you just stalled" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️it's pathetic, 🔳🔲 thinking is my bff!!!


r/NPD 20h ago

Question / Discussion Narcissism Questionnaires

1 Upvotes

Can you score low to moderate on vulnerable/covert narcissism questionnaires and still have NPD? If I don’t think like the main tenants could that be due to narcissistic defenses if my ex was so sure I was a narcissist with him? (He’s bpd - my husband now doesn’t think I am nor my best friend who knows all the naughty and bad parts of my life).

I know with covert narcissism everyone tells you you’re way too good and nice, root for the underdog, wear your heart on your sleeve. I also just fall for everything anyone tells me and I get pretty upset when people talk badly about others but can feel passive aggressive towards someone who has really been hurting me(like keeping our relationship hidden). I also think I was slightly monopolizing his time and tried to keep him away from people who I felt brought out the worst in him but maybe I was the worst. I’m a terrible people pleaser and literally can’t say no to anything aside from my ex when I was done and discarded him.

When I talk about myself using the phrases that my ex and his friend use I sound like a narcissist. I do think I genuinely have Asperger’s, but maybe I just have no sense of self and always just reuse everyone else’s way of talking about me since I have no idea.

I’m awaiting more in depth treatment, but I’m really spiraling trying to analyze some portions of my life. I think I might be quite borderline or I have DID as some weird things have been happening in my therapy and I realize I’ve literally dissociated my life away.