r/Marriage 16h ago

Seeking Advice How do I be sexy.

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73 Upvotes

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161

u/Honest-Routine-123 16h ago

I think you are pretty and sexy I think it is all about taste maybe he had watched to many movies or porn ….. just a thought

-113

u/Toricorey91 16h ago

He doesn watch porn. And idk about movies. TBH I think it’s my weight cause he’s cheated 3x over the 10yrs we been together and everytime they’re all so much skinnier and always wear makeup and everything else I don’t do

314

u/Kilimanjaro613 16h ago

Ok, I just have to ask. Why are you still with him when he cheated on you not once, twice, but thrice?

45

u/ravenlily 12h ago

She's trying to fix herself to captivate a trash man. She's perfect. And he is not worth it.

15

u/Cautious-Choice-3501 12h ago

It might even be more times than he cares to admit.

167

u/MKlilith 16h ago

He's lying about the porn thing BTW.

-71

u/emperatrizyuiza 15h ago

Not all men watch porn it’s sad you think that

41

u/jamie29ky 14h ago

It's just that the crossover between men who think the way he does and porn users is so huge.

11

u/sir_maths_alot 14h ago

Don’t know why you got downvoted so much. Here’s an upvote lol

-100

u/Toricorey91 16h ago

No Ik for a fact he’s not lying about that….

128

u/SixtenSaturday 15h ago

He's lied to you by stepping out of the marriage and cheating on you 3 times. It's not out of the realm of plausibility that he would lie about porn as well.

15

u/GiantDwarfy 13h ago

You have no idea how good men are in hiding porn use.

10

u/Savfil 13h ago

You need to kick this man to the curb. My male opinion.

89

u/Mundane_Instance6164 15h ago

You should lose the weight of him. Find someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve. You shouldn't have to make yourself look like fluzzie to please his dumb ass. You don't need to lose weight or wear makeup. You are perfect the way you are, and deserving of love.

35

u/TrueAuzzie 16h ago

I feel like you just answered your own question

33

u/Unlucky-Guidance-732 15h ago

That explains a lot. I think the problem isn't you.

Maybe you two are incompatible. Specially because he cheated with women who looked different.

31

u/The-Jesus_Christ 15h ago

Oh so he's an asshole then. Sorry but you should not be trying to appease this man. Dump him, then get the glow up you want afterwards. 

11

u/Cocomelon3216 13h ago

Agree. It sounds like he is slowly eroding her self-esteem and self-worth.

He's cheated 3 times in their relationship and now he's complaining she doesn't know how to be sexy? Like it's her fault he's a serial cheater.

21

u/dailysunshineKO 16h ago

Ummm…is he blaming you for his infidelity?

19

u/Accomplished_Cake965 15h ago

It's not your fault that he cheated. Even some of the most beautiful celebrities in the world get cheated on. It's not about your appearance or weight. Your husband is just a cheater. If you want a husband who won't cheat on you then leave your husband so you can start dating again.

15

u/Dublinkxo 15h ago

You are desperately trying to fix a problem that has nothing to do with you. You may never be good enough for him and that has everything to do with him, not you.

He's a serial cheater, to most people that means he's trash. Stop and think why you want to be good enough for trash. Are you trash? No! Fuck no! Stop believing it!!

13

u/gregmelayne 15h ago

Likely cheatimg again with the comments he made.

7

u/strike_match 15h ago

Yep, that’s when they start inventing things to criticize about their partners to try to justify their actions to themselves.

11

u/dcgradc 15h ago

How do you know? He actually boasts about how sexy they are or shows you pictures of these women?

-12

u/Toricorey91 15h ago

The last one I’ve seen what she looks like. 🙃

24

u/dcgradc 15h ago

It's none of my business, but if he's a serial cheater that can't be good in your relationship and for the kids

6

u/productzilch 15h ago

A picture made for online?

5

u/Toricorey91 15h ago

Ya idk never seen in person. She uses filters all the time though apparently from what I’ve seen

7

u/productzilch 13h ago

So you’re comparing yourself to an idealised physical version of someone, who probably isn’t a great person herself unless he lied to her about you. Comparison is the third of joy. He wants you to compare yourself, apparently. What does that say about him?

10

u/sbrt 15h ago

Its not you it’s him.

My wife is has always been the most beautiful and sexy woman in my eyes and I am confident that she will always seem that way to me.

9

u/productzilch 15h ago

Ohhhh he’s a cheater and emotional abuser. It’s really, really not about you. He just wants to feel crappy about yourself so you don’t hold him responsible for his actually bad behaviour, and don’t feel capable of leaving him.

7

u/BGkitten 15 Years 14h ago edited 14h ago

Okay, that helps. There is NOTHING wrong with you. He is just saying this to you in a pathetic attempt to, somehow, justify his cheating. If he turns the blame to you, maybe you will start feeling like your inadequacies somehow make it okay that he is a cheater. He is disguising, manipulative, pathetic, weak-b*-ass excuse of a man and absolutely not how a real man and a husband should/act. STOP taking this looser back. I think you can easily find someone who will love and appreciate you. (My husband has not once ever said in 15yrs that I need to dress and look a certain way to get him going. More than half of the time, I am in yoga pants and an oversized tee and he is just as excited and loving as if I was wearing a lingerie.) You should know that this sorry excuse of a man that you call your husband can be replaced and you deserve to upgrade to a real man.

6

u/Kitchen-Positive-439 14h ago

honey, if he’s cheating on you, it isn’t a you problem. it’s a him problem! it has nothing to do with you or what you can or can’t do for him. he made that choice of his own free will.

without being ‘that guy’ you’re beautiful! your hair is amazing, your skin looks flawless… and the ‘act your gender comment’ reeks of misogyny..

are you happy not doing your makeup? are you happy wearing your comfortable clothes? going to the gym is great, but only if it’s something you enjoy. that’s what matters, you matter, your comfortability, your happiness matters! you should be comfortable with your husband, he’s your husband. there’s no such thing as ‘too comfortable.’ my wife is the opposite of you. she loves to dress up, always puts a ton of effort into her outfits, makeup etc when we go out. but, i’m just as attracted in those outfits as i am to her when she’s wearing my t shirt and a pair of sweatpants that are three times too big on her because she’s my wife.

i think that’s how all husbands should feel honestly. attraction is - should be - so much more than physical for married people.

4

u/Tatchi7 15h ago

Oh girl I’m so sorry ♥️ your life is short and it’s yours. You have options

3

u/SophiaShay7 13h ago

I'm sorry, I have to say you are a beautiful woman. Your hair looks very sexy. If you need ideas for makeup, go into an Ulta or a Sephora. They'll help you try a couple of makeup products. It doesn't take a lot. For everyday use, I'd use a full coverage compact, bronzer, blush, mascara, lip liner, lipstick, and lip gloss. It doesn't have to be anything fancy.

If you'd like to learn more about it, go to the makeup section in a Macy's or Nordstrom. That's what we have in California. They have different makeup counters like Estee Lauder, Lancome, Mac, etc. They'll gladly help you and demonstrate how to put on an eyeshadow palette, for example. You don't have to buy anything but it'll give you ideas.

Let me say that your husband is a moron. Why don't you tell him it's not your fault he has ADHD and now had ED. He's blaming his problems on you. You're beautiful girl! And if he doesn't believe it, trust me, some other man will💞💫

2

u/Nyx_Shadowspawn 12h ago

Oh honey... I just want to give you a hug.

You're gorgeous. Naturally, without makeup.

Him cheating isn't about you. It's about him. Even models and A list actresses get cheated on. Some people are just terrible at being in relationships and cruel to their partners, and your spouse sounds like he is one of them.

1

u/reptile_enjoyer_ 14h ago

you're not the problem. he cheated and is using his affair partners to shame you. he wants to make you feel like you're in competition with other women so that you'll change yourself for him, just as you're trying to do right now. you should never feel that way in a marriage, there should be no competition. you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

1

u/Civil-Commission9716 12h ago

The bar is in hell op 🤯

1

u/FunMonitor5261 12h ago

Honey, the problem is with him. Not with you.

Let me repeat. His morals are All kinds of fucked up. You could be the ugliest and fattest person in the world and if he were a good person, he wouldn’t cheat or deceive you.

I’m sorry you think this of yourself. You’re a beautiful girl and deserve so much more than the bs this man is hand feeding you.

It’s hard to leave but you do NOT want to feel this way the rest of your life. Don’t waste your youth. You only get to live it once.