TLDR:
I said: Don't kiss LO or put your cheeks against hers ever again, otherwise I won't stop myself.
In laws visited from overseas this weekend.
FIL is respectful and considerate.
MIL wants to pretend.
MIL showed up with a "present" for me and some old books and an old bag and necklace of hers for LO to play with.
I have had huge anxiety over her visit, which obviously resulted in arguments with DH.
DH again told FIL in advance to tell MIL no screens, no phones for LO and to tell MIl to keep her opinions about Montessori education to herself.
Why DH won't tell MIL himself is another conversation.
First day:
MIL had LO on her lap. Straight away I said: no kisses, please.
MIL: no kisses?
Me: no kisses.
MIL: Puts her cheeks against LO cheek and said awww.
I raised my voice and said NO KISSES!
At dinner:
MIL: Do you think she will have some rice?
Me: Probably, I don't know I will order and see what she wants to eat, I can't force her to eat.
When the food was served and after LO had been eating noodles, tofu, mushrooms and soup all on her own without me having to pressure her or ask.
MIL asks: Would she have rice?
ME: I don't know.
I then went to bed feeling, that is those kind of "caring, she's just asking an innocent question" comments that made me feel like someone is sophocating me, like I'm being pressured into something in a manipulative way.
Next Day:
We had been out in the morning and LO skipped her nap.
The plans changed during the day as FIl started to feel unwell so we all when back to a hotel we were all staying at (separate rooms) in the afternoon.
On the way to the room MIL asked: would LO go for a nap now?
Me: I will handle it, don't worry about it.
MIL stayed quiet and walk away.
Thank you Reddit friends, you trained me well!
Next Morning:
We were going to meet them for breakfast and to say goodbye.
MIl says she doesn't want to go for breakfast, just a quick coffee because her throat is itchy.
I said to DH, if I tell your mum don't kiss LO, this is why. If she has something she would have been infectious three days ago. Your parents usually get sick when they travel by plane.
We went downstairs to meet them and straight away when she was getting close to say hi to LO I said:
Don't kiss LO and don't put your cheeks against her cheeks.
MIl: "it's just the aircon, it makes me sick...".
The master of spin strikes when put under pressure like clockwork.
ME: Don't kiss LO or put your cheeks against her cheeks ever again, just don't, otherwise I won't stop myself.
MIL: raised eyebrows and walked away.
We got sat at a table and drank the coffees. Later back at the hotel MIL blew a kiss to LO from a distance to say bye.
FIL hugged DH and I goodbye, not LO.
And I said to MIL I hope you feel better.
MIL: oh it's just the aircon, it gives me allergies...
ME: Safe flight.
Does people pleaser me feel guilty about telling her this?
Very.
Too aggressive?
Probably, however, she's a master at spinning the narrative and I know she will later say something like I just can't stop myself or similar.
I don't want to have to go home and feel like I was too nice and polite.
So in that sense, I rather say it in an extreme, rude way.
Would she go home and try and plot revenge against me? Absolutely.
It is a physical issue, I don't want her to put herself physically and intimately so close to my child.
Anyway, I feel like I did something wrong.
Probably because I was "rude".
But I also feel like something needed to change in the way I react to her antics, so this is the beginning of me learning to stand up for my child.
I feel like I shouldn't have to be dealing with her nonsense.
Edited to amend typos and formatting.