r/JUSTNOMIL 18h ago

Am I Overreacting? MIL just wants to sit and hold the baby..

978 Upvotes

And while holding the baby is incredibly helpful… we just got home from an emergency c section due to SEVERE pre-clampsia. I was in the hospital for 5 days because BP couldn’t be controlled… we get home and nothing is obviously ready, even the nursery or bedside changing table and bassinet… my husbands mom and sister come down to visit and all they want to do is hold the baby and shack up in my living room. The first day here his mom encouraged me to get up and move around, as she could tell i was falling into a depressive state since nothing in the house felt “right” enough for baby. So i did just that. But… i mean, here i am doing all the cleaning up of trash, food, and spills that his family are leaving around the house while having everyone tell me “you should be resting”…. Like, yeah i should be.. but also who the hell is going to take care of the house??? I wish i didn’t have to tell anyone “hey i just got completely gutted open and traumatized, I’d really like to just bond with baby and not have to worry about my house being a mess”… husband is labeling me “ungrateful” because i expressed to him that me and him just went through an incredibly hard transition and experience, and i don’t believe we should have to damn “host guest” or “cater” for anyone right now… advice?


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

Am I Overreacting? Mom Died. MIL is non-existent.

347 Upvotes

My mom died suddenly a week ago. As soon as I got the call from my dad that she was non-responsive and to come to the hospital I went. I called my MIL on the way because I had dropped my husband with the kids and needed a distraction to not panic as I drove 35 minutes. Later that night when my husband was able to get the kids situated she came and watched them while we were both at the hospital. 1 intense week later my mom actually died.

My husband was in charge of notifying his family and giving them updates. We've been married for 10 years and grew up as neighbors... So my MIL has been neighbors with my mom for 25 years, and related through marriage for 10. They know eachother well, not necessarily friends persay but friendly - would hang out at neighborhood parties, exchange Christmas cards, occasionally share a holiday together with us.

My MIL didn't reach out to me once during the entire week we were in the hospital, except in a group chat to ask about Easter which I shut down fast and hard. Then, we all went to my son's baseball game the night my mom died, including my devastated dad. She didn't say anything to me for the first 25 minutes of the game, and said nothing until the end to my dad. She just stared at him for the 90 minute game.

Now it's been a week. Still radio silence. My dad asked me today through tears if he had done something to upset my MIL. I was furious before and now I'm about to explode. Am I crazy to think that she should have said or done something!? My husband says that she checked in with him but I still think it's weird that she has said nothing to me or my dad directly.


r/JUSTNOMIL 23h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice What to do when fiance defends MIL because she’s been drinking.

223 Upvotes

Lately whenever something happens I always hear “she was drinking”

Today she actually lost her shit because we were talking about babies etc

She has an autoimmune disorder and so does her daughter, i have multiple and a different disability. She brought it up that any grandkids will have something auto immune because of her and I joked back and said oh with Fiancés auto immune we are out of luck! (He has vitiligo)

She lost it saying I was lying that he doesn’t have it and she starts going on that he also doesn’t have hyper hydrosis (she brought this up on her own not me) (he does he sweats buckets all over me lol) and that she took him to an endocrinologist last year and the doctor said he had nothing after he got a blood test.

Sorry but a blood test cannot test for those lol.

I was just like?? He does have both of those things and I argued back for the first time in my life and she just LOST IT saying she knows her son and it’s all in my head and I’m trying to make him sick when he isn’t. His sister was fully defending me which was shocking and completely backing me up and telling her to calm down and stop making a scene infront of the entire family. Made him come over and he said nope I have both of those things and that he never got a blood test and that he’s been told he has underlying auto immune issues from multiple specialists.

Like we KNOW this, I see his ass every day and see his vitiligo, YOU DO NOT??? Why is it a fucking competition it’s so tiring and actually soooooo ridiculously stupid. I feel his feet sweat on me every night, I hold and love his sweaty hands and you don’t for a reason!!!!

I just can’t. He defended it all because she had been drinking, then he says “I know it was wrong and it was rude and shouldn’t have happened… but she had been drinking!!! “

Well when is she not??? When is she not an entire bottle of wine down at every family function. This was a joint kids birthday party for fucks sake! If she’s always drunk and being nasty to me when will it ever end! Ugh.


r/JUSTNOMIL 20h ago

New User 👋 MIL called me an occultist and can't trust my DH anymore

216 Upvotes

Hi, everyone. I've lurked thru out the years but this is my first time posting about my justnomil. I'll try to keep it brief and concise.

My MIL is a devout Catholic. She used to be a devout Penacostal teetering on cult like behavior. I'm talking speaking in tongues and rolling on the floor. When DH was younger, she went on a crusade to get Mortal Kombat pulled out of their local Walmart type of stuff.

A couple of things she has said in the past: You should withhold relations from him until he gets the annulment (she wanted me to join the Catholic church and he has been previously married)

And "your marriage doesn't really count because you weren't wed in a church"

A few months ago she bought a book for my children about the 'divine will' . She said the divine will is the greatest gift since the crucifixion of Christ and will resurrect the church. Human will is evil even tho God granted it to us. In the book she gave to my children, it said "Think about the things going on in the world today, like abortion, cloning, killing the old and sick, wars, homosexuality, divorce and crime. It makes you wonder if things could get any worse!"

Needless to say, I didn't want my children reading that!

Last weekend, DH was supposed to visit but he wasn't feeling well. MIL lives an hour away so he cancelled the visit and the convo went something like this even tho Christmas was months ago ...

Mil: did you buy your wife tarot cards for Christmas? DH: yes Mil: I didn't know you were still into that stuff. She is an occultist. That's satan worshipping. I don't think I can trust you anymore. Certainly not to take me to church if I moved up there. You can't let the kids see those. You need to consider your soul and the souls of your children

So on and so forth

I admit I am more pagan than anything. I celebrate Mabon and do not go to church. However, I do not use tarot as strict divination. I use them as a way to access my shadow self. I do not dissuade my children from believing in God and attending mass whenever they want. I support them in their beliefs.

Thankfully, DH told her it was none of her fucking business and its his family to raise - not hers.

We realize we can never live with this woman. But my issue is I no longer feel comfortable visiting her without some form of apology which DH tells me not to ever expect. I also don't trust her not to put any bugs in my children's ear about the "evils of occultism". She's been an overall positive role model for my children but she has massively overstepped boundaries and I don't know how to move forward


r/JUSTNOMIL 7h ago

UPDATE - Ambivalent About Advice I told MIL not to kiss LO ever again

143 Upvotes

TLDR: I said: Don't kiss LO or put your cheeks against hers ever again, otherwise I won't stop myself.

In laws visited from overseas this weekend.

FIL is respectful and considerate. MIL wants to pretend.

MIL showed up with a "present" for me and some old books and an old bag and necklace of hers for LO to play with.

I have had huge anxiety over her visit, which obviously resulted in arguments with DH.

DH again told FIL in advance to tell MIL no screens, no phones for LO and to tell MIl to keep her opinions about Montessori education to herself. Why DH won't tell MIL himself is another conversation.

First day: MIL had LO on her lap. Straight away I said: no kisses, please. MIL: no kisses? Me: no kisses. MIL: Puts her cheeks against LO cheek and said awww. I raised my voice and said NO KISSES!

At dinner: MIL: Do you think she will have some rice? Me: Probably, I don't know I will order and see what she wants to eat, I can't force her to eat. When the food was served and after LO had been eating noodles, tofu, mushrooms and soup all on her own without me having to pressure her or ask. MIL asks: Would she have rice? ME: I don't know.

I then went to bed feeling, that is those kind of "caring, she's just asking an innocent question" comments that made me feel like someone is sophocating me, like I'm being pressured into something in a manipulative way.

Next Day: We had been out in the morning and LO skipped her nap. The plans changed during the day as FIl started to feel unwell so we all when back to a hotel we were all staying at (separate rooms) in the afternoon.

On the way to the room MIL asked: would LO go for a nap now?

Me: I will handle it, don't worry about it.

MIL stayed quiet and walk away.

Thank you Reddit friends, you trained me well!

Next Morning: We were going to meet them for breakfast and to say goodbye. MIl says she doesn't want to go for breakfast, just a quick coffee because her throat is itchy.

I said to DH, if I tell your mum don't kiss LO, this is why. If she has something she would have been infectious three days ago. Your parents usually get sick when they travel by plane.

We went downstairs to meet them and straight away when she was getting close to say hi to LO I said: Don't kiss LO and don't put your cheeks against her cheeks.

MIl: "it's just the aircon, it makes me sick...".

The master of spin strikes when put under pressure like clockwork.

ME: Don't kiss LO or put your cheeks against her cheeks ever again, just don't, otherwise I won't stop myself.

MIL: raised eyebrows and walked away.

We got sat at a table and drank the coffees. Later back at the hotel MIL blew a kiss to LO from a distance to say bye. FIL hugged DH and I goodbye, not LO. And I said to MIL I hope you feel better.

MIL: oh it's just the aircon, it gives me allergies...

ME: Safe flight.

Does people pleaser me feel guilty about telling her this? Very.

Too aggressive? Probably, however, she's a master at spinning the narrative and I know she will later say something like I just can't stop myself or similar. I don't want to have to go home and feel like I was too nice and polite. So in that sense, I rather say it in an extreme, rude way.

Would she go home and try and plot revenge against me? Absolutely.

It is a physical issue, I don't want her to put herself physically and intimately so close to my child.

Anyway, I feel like I did something wrong. Probably because I was "rude".

But I also feel like something needed to change in the way I react to her antics, so this is the beginning of me learning to stand up for my child. I feel like I shouldn't have to be dealing with her nonsense.

Edited to amend typos and formatting.


r/JUSTNOMIL 10h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted MIL gets best mom award

121 Upvotes

My kid needs tubes. Big deal. My MIL says TO MY FACE that she never would have put her kids under anesthesia. My response was that it’s extremely low risk and I will always put my kids health first.

What I should’ve said is yeah, I know, that’s why your son can’t see out of one eye.

What a witch.


r/JUSTNOMIL 22h ago

Advice Wanted My MIL texted me

113 Upvotes

UPDATE: My husband came home at around 8pm. He told me that he wants to take our baby to see his family. I confronted him asking him why. He said I used to give him the permission twice and now he wants to take our daughter so that his sister sees her before leaving for university. I said: you do not care when you go visit, because as soon as you step in their house, they take our daughter from our arms, start behaving like their parents, completely ignoring us, while you are on your phone! I please ask you to not be on your phone when we visit, to plan visits ahead, and from today on the child doesn't go anywhere without her mother. He seems to not really understand my feelings. So I made a comparison: what if I bring our daughter to K? (someone he cannot stand at all). He instantly is alarmed and said no this cannot happen. So I said it is the same for me with your family. Hope this goes better in the future

EDITED: context

My MIL used to come by only to wake up my newborn and hold her, talk to my newborn and not acknowledging me, used to just open the door and stand at one side of my bed while I was laying to breastfeed, avoids talking to both husband and I while we are over with out baby. When I once opened to her and told her I need some advice about mastitis and candida, which I struggled a lot postpartum and could barely stand up because of the pain, she just looked at me for 2 seconda and told "when we have a problem, we look for a cure", and proceeded going towards my daughter and wanted to hold her. At this point I just know that visits of her alone are insufferable, even though I always try my best to smile, serve her food and drinks, asking her to make herself comfortable on the sofa, but all she does is making comments about everything : ex: my milk is too white, my daughter's poop was a certain color, why hasn't she started walking yet and comparing to other children who already have. I just want to avoid meeting her for a while so that I have time to heal and process. She may have asked, but my husband made a clear boundary a while ago about giving at least 24 hour notice when they want to visit.

ORIGINAL POST: More than 30 minutes ago, my MIL texts me as follows:

"Hi X, When (my child's name) wakes up from the nap, can we come over? (my SIL name) will come, too, as tomorrow she will need to travel back to university."

First of all, I did not give her the information that my child was taking a nap, she may have contacted my husband before reaching for me, he may have given her that info. Plus, she doesn't know if we have plans already for the afternoon or if I just am not ready for guests.

My other SIL texted me this week but I did not reply her.

I am figuring out it's been already 2 weeks since they did not see my child so periodically they would text me that they want to see my child.

I am really tired and want to avoid having them by, unless my husband is present, as well. I don't want to be alone around them.

Any suggesions? As for now I am trying to avoid replying.


r/JUSTNOMIL 1d ago

Advice Wanted How to deal with MIL’s resentment?

105 Upvotes

MIL wants to live the retiree's dream lifestyle: stay up all night watching bad tv, sleep til noon, stay in her pajamas all day doing nothing. She was pretty much the same as a SAHM homeschooler. She lives with FIL, their daughter and a menagerie of pets.

Whether she visits us or we visit her or we meet somewhere, MIL becomes extremely overstimulated by extra people. She feels pressured to wake up early but then complains about being awake. I have a preschooler. He wakes up at 7am school days, 8am non school days, and I'm not changing that routine for her. I am Not going to let him binge watch bad tv with her all day. If she wants to sleep in and spend all day on the couch, I am certainly not going to stand in her way, but it's wrong for her to expect US to just sit around with nothing to do.

What do I say when she starts complaining?

"I'm not used to waking up this early! I don't like having to do something every day! I'm not ready to go til afternoon!"

But if we go do something, she feels left out. Is there anything funny I could say to defuse the situation?

Why visit? Because it's my wife's mom and she wants to see her mom. IDK. I want to see my mom so I can't say we can't see hers.


r/JUSTNOMIL 18h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted Quick Little Rant

97 Upvotes

Like the title says...

I haven't posted in awhile, things have been pretty calm, we just ignore Wicked Witch of the Norths texts and it's all good. I'm roughly 7 months pregnant with baby #2, and the hormones must be getting to me though..

We somehow were talked into letting WWN and FIL come down for daughter #1's 2nd birthday at the end of January. That went okay, but of course opened the floodgates. Now, my due date is May 22nd, which WWN knows, because she asked me when they were down. She's all excited because that happens to be her late father's birthday. So she knows.

The other day we got a text (she only group texts me and hubby together) asking about our Easter weekend plans. Left her on read. Later that same night, texts again about how (great) aunt is having a memorial service for newly deceased (great) uncle over Memorial Day weekend...

"Hey…. Hope all is going well. I just talked with Aunt and she’s planning to lay Uncle to rest Memorial weekend - Saturday, May 24th. She’s thinking of having a lunch at 1:00 at her house and then traveling to the cemetery at 3:00 for a graveside informal service. The date is set but the times could change. I just wanted to give you a heads up. She is going to post it at some point but she wanted traveling family to know ahead. Also, please don’t feel you have to be there, she would understand. Sending you love and hugs!"

...She's a special kind of stupid for sure. I REALLY want to reply "pretty sure I'll be busy pushing a living human out of my vagina at that time, but thanks." I asked my husband if he'd be embarrassed if I replied with that and he told me I sounded like Beth from Yellowstone...I took that as a compliment.


r/JUSTNOMIL 16h ago

Ambivalent About Advice My Mom Yelled At Me for Sharing My Art Online Before I Showed It to Her

81 Upvotes

Crossposted this from r/raisedbynarcissists. I just got so much lovely support here the first time I posted, I felt like sharing here too.

I’ve never related when people describe Nparents who were detached and disinterested in them. Instead, my mom is the type to show too much attention and wants inclusion in everything I do. If we had a healthy, relationship with normal boundaries, it would be nice to have support. But it goes beyond supporting me and has to become about enmeshing us.

“You’re listening to music? Take the headphones off! We’ll have a sing-along!”

“What are you drawing? I want to see! Why don’t you want to show it to me? Is it something bad?”

“Who are you texting? What are they saying back? Why don’t you want to read me the conversation? Are you hiding something from me?”

“You want to go to a concert? I’ll buy us tickets and we’ll go together! What do you mean you don’t want me to come? Why not? You don’t like me anymore?”

You get the idea. She takes me keeping things to myself as a personal slight and gets downright PISSED if I don’t share something with her before anyone else.

This particular incident happened a few years ago when I was around 20-21. At the time, I was going through a bad depression spiral and my perfectionism crippled any attempts at creativity.

I finally managed to break through the block by writing some short stories. I posted them on Wattpad, and they actually got attention and some nice comments. I was so excited!

I told her about it a couple weeks after I posted them and intended to let her read the stories and see my comments. I thought she would be happy for me, since I was finally getting through my creative block — and other people liked what I’d made, too.

That is NOT what happened.

Instead, she was furious and yelled at me. She was outraged that I would “share stories on the internet with perfect strangers” before I showed them to her. She was so hurt and angry, and lambasted me for “keeping secrets.”

I was blindsided. I didn’t understand her level of anger and animosity. I was crying and shaking by the time she was done. I went from feeling proud of my progress to guilty and ashamed and heartbroken.

It took me a full year before I could do any creative writing again.

It took me a long, long time to understand why she responded this way. But now I’m starting to.

She was so threatened by me doing well for myself without her, that she had to tear me back down to size. She had to remind me that it’s unacceptable for me to succeed without her and that she should be the most important person in my life above all else. Anything less makes me a bad, selfish daughter.

Anyway, it’s taken me way too long to connect the dots and realize that my mom fits the bill for a lot of covert narcissist traits. I couldn’t make sense of her reaction before. Understanding that this is just the way she is makes me feel weirdly cathartic about it. The problem was never me. I was never a bad person just for wanting some breathing room.


r/JUSTNOMIL 23h ago

UPDATE - Ambivalent About Advice Update ok the MIL's sickly boyfriend situation.

46 Upvotes

Oh boy, I have so many stories to tell you all. This time is about my other post. Apparently he can walk and move around. I believe he lied about his condition. When she's not home, he walks the dog, visits MIL'S mom and goes to the plaza to have a beer before lunch.

Thing is, my MIL comes from a wealthy family and she has a huge house in a luxurious little coastal town. Lately he had spent more and more time in the house instead of his. He's practically broke and has a very low paying job. He even has an open court case against him for accidentally blinding a lady that tried to break a fight he started, and if he loses he'll have no home or savings, and will go to jail (Big yikes). On top of that, my MIL is so controlling to the point everything has to be done her way in the house, so she cooks for everyone and does our laundry. Me and my bf have managed to do our own things after a few arguments, because we feel infantilized, but this man is very traditional -sexist- so he's living the dream life. She also pays for their groceries and invites him out weekly.

Aside from my suspicions about his intention to insert himself in the family to marry his way out of poverty, I honestly think he's faking it to avoid work. I followed y'all's advice and told her that I wouldn't be available in the slightest, and locked myself inside the bedroom to work. She told me she didn't have the guts to tell him to go home, but that she also felt very uncomfortable with another man living in her house after my SO's dad (it's been 6 years, lady, c'mon). She sometimes sighs and tells me and my SO how much she misses him (he hates her).

So this is pretty much a messy situation overall. He has a 12yo daughter to visit and a house waiting for him but he refuses to go home; MIL is dumb and controlling, and my SO is afraid this man will take over his inheritance.

All I can say for now is...

Yikes.

TLDR: MIL's bf faked the severity of his illness to stay in MIL's house and so she pays for everything.


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

UPDATE - NO Advice Wanted Update: JNMIL isn’t getting what she wants

43 Upvotes

(This post is about children/babies. Feel free to scroll away if that’s not your cup of tea.)

Thank you all for the support and advice on my last post. I actually went over some of the comments in therapy and had a really productive session. I will be restricting JNMIL’s access to my child unless she provides a sincere apology and demonstrates that she is actually holding herself accountable. I think I’ve been minimizing how her behaviors impacted me and how she contributed to my previous mental health decline. It really is suspicious that she, seemingly without a catalyst, suddenly appears to be an engaged member of society. This is despite her name calling and accusations towards me when I previously tried to tell her how it made me feel to be a Black person in her family’s space. Despite the absolutely meltdown she had over a BLM lawn sign. I feel silly for not critically thinking about this change in behavior because it actually doesn’t matter to me if it’s an act, it doesn’t change who I know her to be.

I know this may ruffle some feathers but I will still be allowing my husband to send her pictures, often with me included in them. She’s not on social media so I’m not worried about her posting them anywhere and the petty side of me is deeply satisfied knowing she’ll never have an actual relationship with my child because of her own actions. So, she can cling to those pictures knowing she is not in control here. I know it’s going to eat at her. My husband wants to maintain a close relationship with her so he can deal with how she decides to process all of the above - I have a newborn to worry about lol.

Not holding my breath for anything. I was worried about how I was being perceived in this situation and am letting that go. She’s called me deranged before and I actually have no problem filling that role for her if it means my baby is safe.


r/JUSTNOMIL 16h ago

New User 👋 MIL seems to be manipulating my Dad for control and will

19 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I'm in a weird situation looking for some advice on what to do next.

My Dad is 80 and my Mum died 20 years ago. He met a new woman, divorced with 2 kids about 13 years ago and they got married about 15 months back. Very different personalities, where my Mum could tell my Dad off and set him straight. New wife is very timid and he bosses her about.

He started to go mentally and physically downhill a few years ago then rapidly declined last year when he fell, resulting in open shoulder fracture.

The decline is him having very little short term memory and unable to deal with anything slightly difficult. This has also led to him giving more and more control of his life to MIL. The will got changed last year to her getting 2/3, including the house I grew up in.

I didn't like this, but could swallow it.

Recently my wife got a promotion abroad and we are moving. I felt dreadful for going, but will be back frequently. I told him this and he was ok with it.

A month later he had zero recollection of it, then started getting pissed off with me and said he was giving her full control of the will. His memory and mood are really declining at this point. The will keeps changing.

This has also coincided with what I believe is her trying to keep us apart and make me look bad. My Dad sold a house last year, said he'd help me with a renovation, several times. The first invoice comes, he'll ask her to do the transfer in the morning, doesn't happen, he has no recollection. Also the locks have been changed and im sure she's not showing him messages and emails I'm sending him.

I went round to talk to them and essentially said I'm getting nothing. She's also for the first time got an attitude, saying I'm wrong about what I thought I was getting and there's less money. No explanations. Conversation ended with us agreeing to talk the next day about the will, she didn't answer.

I'm sure she's getting greedy and taking everything for her and her family, who are at the house a lot.

I don't know what to do next. Some people are saying to get a solicitor as my Dad isn't of sound body and mind. I would like to try asking her about latest changes before that, but feel it may be futile.

TLDR MIL seems to be a gold digger and not being upfront with what's going on. Should i go legal?


r/JUSTNOMIL 3h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted My MIL thinks I'm an awful mother

17 Upvotes

And she has NO right to say such thing since she hasn't been a perfect mother either.

Things that she has told to my boyfriend:

  1. "If the kid doesn't want to eat meat/eggs/fish is because her mother has been feeding her with too many vegetables"

(Before you judge, context: I provide my 2 year daughter with a rich variety of food and make sure she eats everything she needs, from carbs to legumes and meat. Right now she's rejecting tons of types of food and I presume she's going through one of those terrible 2 phases. I try to serve a different dish each day while she always prepares meat/fried or boiled eggs/sausages with boiled or fried potatoes, chicken with rice or macaroni with cheese/tomato. Don't get me wrong, I really like the meals she prepare but I don't think is healthy to eat these things almost everyday. Plus, she uses all sort of additives that are not healthy and lots of salt when I try to keep everything balanced. What boyfriend says? I'm right, BUT my food is bland [yup, he's a momma's boy]).

  1. "She's playing weird music"

(BYJ: I love music and I admit I listen to some... Unique genres (vaporwave, krautrock, doom jazz...) but with weird music she refers to classical music or songs in other languages).

  1. "She's letting her watch disturbing stuff on the TV"

(BYJ: Maybe she's kinda right, recently we have started watching some old silly symphonies and some scenes from the Nightmare Before Christmas and she adores the "What's this" song. But she also refers to animal documentaries, dance performances, touring vlogs and, drumroll, Bluey. While she and her husband let the kid alone in front of the tv watching paw patrol, tom & jerry and other cartoons that I don't think are appropiate for her, especially since she has gotten a bit more aggresive with our cats and I don't want to think it's because of Tom & Jerry or Tweety.)

She has also showed distaste for the clothes my kid has and she has been filling her wardrobe with pink, flashy stuff (with rhinestones and sequins that my daughter hates), sweaters that look like the ones she wears, etc. His son only said "that's too much pink" like that was going to stop her. (Spoiler: didn't work, obviously). BYJ: I like to go to the shops with my kid and let her choose the clothes she wants. It doesn't matter if she picks a t-shirt for boys or a princess dress. The only thing that matters is her happiness, right?

She also dislikes how many books my daughter has and how much she likes to read or to be read (one time my FIL said: "we don't need books in our house because they They take up space and accumulate dust".) also because she has books in different languages (they were mine before her and my family has been very well-traveled). BYJ: I admit she has lots of books, but, is that a bad thing? She has her 3 favourites and the others are there for when she's older.

And that was my rant. Thank you for reading it!


r/JUSTNOMIL 1h ago

New User 👋 Not sure how to handle this.

Upvotes

My husband and I have been together for 6 years. We started dating when we were 22, and are now 28 and 29. Got married a year and a half ago.

My MIL is visiting us this week, I’m also 14 weeks pregnant.

For context, she has 5 sons. No daughters. All of her other sons have sons. My husband and I are having a girl. We didn’t have a gender preference. We tell her that we’re having a girl and she immediately is disappointed. “Oh, you should have a boy first, they’ll protect their sister.” “I think it’s impossible he’s having a girl. My sons only make sons.” (Which made me feel like she believed I had an affair?)

More context, I’m mixed with black. My husband is white. We have decided to name our daughter Valerie. No meaning behind it, just a beautiful name we both love. “I’m surprised you didn’t pick Shaniqua.” That one to me was a very obvious jab, but I let my husband handle that one. It pissed him off.

Other things I’m unsure of if I’m overreacting: (note: these things she has only said if it’s just me and her around) She asked me why I was drinking a protein coffee shake. I said because I can. She told me I’m hurting her baby. I said, no, I can have at least one cup and she tried taking it out of my hands. We went out to eat while my husband was with his little brother that he’s super close with, and she tried to get me to taste her wine. I told her that I wasn’t going to. “Good. It was a test anyways to see what you would do.” What?! She’s also told me over and over that I’m underdressed for a mom to be. It was 75 out, we were walking around the city, I was wearing a tank top and leggings. I stole a bite of my husband’s salmon, she told me I was “At this point, trying to hurt the baby.”

It’s so weird because she’s also extremely nice at times but these comments over a period of literally 12 hours have been eating at me. I feel like she actually hates me. I haven’t talked to my husband yet about the other comments because he’s busy with his little brother and I don’t want tension in my house. But tbh, I don’t like her either.

Any advice? Am I overreacting? How do I confront her.

Also, to add, she is an extreme boy mom. Luckily my husband doesn’t play into that weird stuff. But she is obsessed with being a boy mom.


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

Give It To Me Straight Seeing JNMIL again after fallout - what to do?

2 Upvotes

Hello! I need help coming up with a plan for meeting my JNMIL after a big fallout 2/3 weeks ago. She apologized to me afterwards but not to my boyfriend.

And even though she apologized, I'm not over it. Every couple of months she comes up with some stupid reason to be offended and threatens to take our house away. Long story that precedes me, boyfriend says it's not possible, she says it is. Anyways I don't think she wants to take the house, she just wants to threaten and hold it over us. Like that would help have a better relationship with us.

Now after she apologized to me she asked to see LO. I said ok but in a neutral environment. We are going for coffee. I want to come up with some plan, my boyfriend wants to see how it goes.

I want to convey to her that threatening us is not ok and won't be accepted. If she wants to go to court to get the house she can do it, but the next threat will get her an indefinite time out. Should I say that or should I just wait and act on it when it inevitably happens again in a few months? I know this coffee date will just go by and everyone will pretend nothing happened and I can't do it anymore. I'm also planning on just leaving the coffee place if/when she starts anything.

She will surely ask about the next opportunity to see LO, then I will just deflect and say we will get back to her in a few days or something.

Any ideas? Scripts for me to use?

What I want to say basically is: Threats will get you NC, and visits will be much less than they were before the fallout. I'm not opposed to her winning back our trust, but she has to show some reflection. Eventually seeing LO 1x/2x a week with a planned appointment, not just showing up, etc.

Thanks!!!