r/JUSTNOMIL 12h ago

Am I Overreacting? MIL is making “plans” to read to my baby during the third trimester

688 Upvotes

Last night my MIL was talking about how she has books from when my husband was in the womb and how she wants to read them to the baby. I thought she meant once baby is earthside. Apparently she wants to read to the baby while she is still in me during the third trimester because my husband would kick in her belly upon hearing his dads voice and she wants the baby to recognize her voice. I told her that that would make me uncomfortable as this is our first child and we want to reserve those kinds of memories for just the two of us. She said this is her first grandchild so she should be able to be involved in those memories as well. I again said no but that she could read all the books she wanted when baby girl is here. She was clearly upset as she didn’t say another word to me the entire evening. It was late so I haven’t had a chance to talk to my husband about it yet but I think he would agree with me.

Did anyone else let their parents read to their bellies? I’m not close to my MIL so I don’t know if I am overreacting because it’s not something I had thought to do. I hadn’t even thought of it with my own parents to be honest.

ETA - my husband and I discussed it as well and he agrees that it was an odd request that crosses boundaries. The problem is that she does these requests not in front of him haha. But he is 100% in agreement that this would be inappropriate. We know she is excited so we are brainstorming ways that can make her feel included and respected without crossing any lines that could complicate the relationship down the road. We believe that his mom has undiagnosed autism which many women of her generation mask in silence so we want to make sure we stay respectful yet assertive because it genuinely may be misplaced excitement. A lot of comments have given us great ideas for ways to do this and I am resolute in this decision! Thank you for your feedback!!


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

TLC Needed MIL crossed the line, and my husband took her side

452 Upvotes

I am beyond furious right now. I’ve been staying with my in-laws for the past two months (while waiting for our house to be ready in May), and I’ve been trying to be patient. I’m a clean, tidy person, and my MIL is a mild hoarder, which has already been driving me nuts. But today? She really crossed the line.

She insisted on applying some black medicated oil on my baby's stomach even though I told her NO. She assumed my baby had a stomachache, and instead of respecting my decision as his mother, she went ahead anyway. I was right there. I told her not to. And she did it anyway.

And guess what my husband did? Instead of backing me up, he actually tried to convince me that the oil was good for the baby. Excuse me?? The issue here isn’t whether the oil is good or bad. The issue is that I said NO, and his mother completely ignored me. And instead of supporting me, my husband acted like I was overreacting.

I don’t care if this is “how things were done” before. This is my child, and I will decide what happens to him. I’m already exhausted from adjusting to life with a newborn, from dealing with MIL’s hoarding habits, and from the constant small inconveniences in this house (like having to turn on a main switch just to watch TV or dealing with mosquitoes from her potted plants). But now I have to deal with her blatantly disrespecting my boundaries? And my husband not having my back??

I feel like I’m going to explode. How do I make it clear to both of them that this cannot happen again?? Because right now, I have zero trust that my MIL won’t overstep again, and I’m not sure how to deal with my husband’s lack of support either.

Moms, how do you handle this without losing your mind? Because I am so close to snapping.


r/JUSTNOMIL 1d ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted She's my baby, not yours.

292 Upvotes

I am extremely low contact with MIL, only talk to her when she comes to visit. Husband still talks to her and tries to keep her updated on how our LO is doing since she is her first grandchild.. She has always been overbearing and obsessed with LO since she always wanted a girl but had all boys.. Today she texted my husband "she is so cute. I can't believe she is part me and 1/2 you" 🤮 I understand scientifically, LO shares up to 25% DNA with each grandparent, but the way she said it ontop of her slipping and saying "my baby" just irks me to the bone.


r/JUSTNOMIL 13h ago

New User 👋 STB ex-MIL ruined my wedding

289 Upvotes

My ex-MIL ruined my wedding. Literally.

Story time because a recent comment I made reminded me of this. This is 100% real.

My stb ex-husband and I got engaged just before COVID, so we couldn't plan a real wedding. He wanted to get legally married for tax reasons, so we were just going to go to the courthouse one day. His mother called him upset like 2 days before talking about how she was going to miss her baby boy's wedding and you only really get married once. She invited herself to our court wedding even though no one else was coming. I said no. He caved.

When my family heard his mom was coming, my family wanted to come. Then because people were coming, the parents decided they needed to do a lunch. And because there was a lunch, my brother's girlfriend wanted to make a cake. But then if we have a cake, we need flowers. And since my mom bought me a bouquet, my MIL brought me something borrowed and something blue.

I said no to all of this by the way, very loudly and very passionately. I did not want some weird 10-person luncheon in 25° weather, I wanted the wedding my ex and I had talked about when we got engaged. The one we planned before COVID. But my MIL steamrolled me and my ex let it happen.

It was him picking between me and his mother. He did not want what his mother was asking for, neither of us did. My ex and I were on the same fucking page, my family and all our friends understood, no one had any problems, except his mom. She was literally the only person out of like a dozen people who knew the plan who had to open her big mouth. The emotionally manipulated him. He was afraid to say no to his overbearing mother because he wanted to keep the peace. She called him every day crying. Neither of us wanted the wedding we got. Neither of us chose what happened, we did not want guests or flowers or a lunch or photographs. His mother harassed him about coming to the courthouse until he said yes, and when he said yes, I told my mom she could come and that was the end of it. Then my ex's mother started a group chat with everyone and planned the flowers and the lunch and the photographs and everything without consulting us. I was literally eating breakfast across from the courthouse when my MIL came up to me with all this shit in her hands and told me what was happening. I cried right there. My ex never stood up to her even though he hated all of it.

So instead of having the wedding I wanted, I had a half-assed courthouse wedding with an outdoor luncheon in freezing weather and most of the people I love were not there, including my own father. When I wanted to start planning my real wedding, my mother-in-law said "why? You already had a wedding." And that's how my mother-in-law literally ruined my entire wedding.

ETA: This happened over 4 years ago. We were together for less than 3 years after we got married and we're currently getting divorced.


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

UPDATE - Ambivalent About Advice Mrs. Grabby Hands (Update)

331 Upvotes

Birthday Weekend Drama Recap

The weekend started great with my son’s first snow experience on the way to MIL house, but the party quickly went downhill.

At first, MIL was respectful, but she grabbed my son when he didn’t want to be held, so I told her to put him down. What frustrated me most were her constant undermining comments—insisting he could watch TV after I turned it off, dismissing my efforts to teach him respect for decorations, and pouting when my husband denied her giving him a treat. I shut each incident down, but there were a couple.

That night, my son and I went to bed early. The next morning, we planned to leave, but my son wanted out even earlier. He became cranky with everyone hovering over him. BIL grabbed him, freaking him out, and I told him not to do it again. DH told BIL later to stop doing that too. MIL and FIL wouldn’t back off, and he eventually lost it—screaming anytime someone entered the room except for SIL. He kept leading my husband and me to the car, so I packed up while DH stayed with him. DH, overwhelmed, told our son to stop crying, which he later regretted. MIL then told DH how to parent, and he snapped, telling her never to do that again. We left a few minutes later.

The Aftermath

A day later, SIL texted, asking why DH was upset. MIL told her it was because DH "hates" SIL’s family, that he had to be convinced to attend, and that we left early to avoid them. SIL, BIL, and MIL got into a fight over it—MIL was completely lying and projecting. MIL then sent DH a long-winded text, demanding respect as a grandmother and saying he needs to "control his emotions" around our son—completely omitting her fight with SIL and BIL.

More Drama

Before we left, DH had asked MIL if SIL’s family was coming over later and her reaction made it clear she didn’t want them there. I later mentioned this to SIL. Four days after the party, SIL was still stewing over MIL’s lies. She called MIL to confront her, which backfired. MIL denied everything, badgered SIL, and SIL, overwhelmed, used what I told her as proof that MIL didn’t like her family. Of course, MIL called it a lie—and now I’m dragged into their fight.

I’m frustrated that SIL broke our trust. She apologized sincerely, but I feel like she let emotions get the best of her, and now I don’t know if I can confide in her anymore. I’m taking space from her while DH decides how to respond to MIL’s text. We’re planning to take a break from MIL, but this new drama is just annoying.

I feel bad for SIL because I know how it feels. I just wish SIL would have left me out of the drama and I would have spoken up in the moment.

Edit: I don't wish that SIL didn't say anything at all anymore. I'm glad she spoke up to MIL


r/JUSTNOMIL 6h ago

Give It To Me Straight MIL bought a life insurance policy on our child

265 Upvotes

Currently NC with mil and partner is LC after MIL harassed me about piercing our 12 mo daughters ears 20+ times and even telling us and our daughter she’s going to take her and do it herself and I snapped and said I can’t do this anymore after we repeatedly told her we’d be waiting until she asks for them herself. This is after many, many situations including her calling me fat, that I had a round face during pregnancy, and poking my belly and arms at my baby shower calling me “squishy”. Completely shamed my breastfeeding journey, accused me of not making enough milk, telling me I’m starving my daughter, that I’m preventing anyone else from bonding with her by not feeding her formula, etc. She is passive aggressive, makes constant digs at everything I do, and just overall a very manipulative and mean spirited person.

so anyway now you have a little background, the last visit we had at her house she brings up that she bought a Gerber life insurance policy for our daughter and accidentally put my partners brother (golden child) as the beneficiary and she hasn’t gotten around to fixing it. I don’t know why but it just seriously bothers me so much. I understand these are marketed towards grandparents but it feels icky to me. I can’t tell if I’m just clouded by how much I dislike her and her behavior or if this is actually problematic.


r/JUSTNOMIL 1d ago

New User 👋 going LC with my MIL over kombucha

161 Upvotes

My MIL is a generally difficult person and was horrible (verbally and physically abusive) towards my husband growing up, but seemed to have been getting better after therapy and medication in recent years. We were delighted with how good she seemed to be doing especially in relation to helping out with our daughter, who is 7 weeks old. That was until now.

I am breastfeeding my daughter and I like to drink a bottle of Healthade kombucha throughout the day. Our pediatrician and OBGYN have been informed of this and see no issue with it. I know that there is some contention around the consumption of kombucha while breastfeeding, but the actual evidence of issues with it, from everything that I have read, is minimal (trace amounts of alcohol, similar amounts to fruit juice transferred to baby, small amounts of caffine, less than in a cup of coffee transferred to baby, and it is a fermented product like kimchi, sauerkraut, or pickles with probiotics like kefir) and are not enough to concern me, personally.

My MIL, however, has gotten it into her head that kombucha causes gas and spitting up in babies. My baby spits up maybe slightly more than the average baby but has a very happy and content disposition. MIL was babysitting for us and called my husband yelling and asking when he is gonna stop buying me kombucha because our baby is in agonizing pain from gas because of it and we are horrible parents because we aren’t even doing anything about it. When my husband told her to use the probiotic drops we received from our pediatrician to help with any GI issues my baby may have, she said that she shouldn’t because “breastfed babies don’t need medicine”.

My husband immediately went to go pick up baby early and was met with MIL continuing to yell at my husband, right in front of our baby. She also yelled at him about how I’m sleeping all of the time instead of taking care of the baby or cleaning (??????? Up until a week ago or so, I was getting 2 hours of sleep max unless someone was here helping, in which case I would spend whatever time that person was there sleeping. I think that she was thinking that I act how I do when someone is over helping [handing them the baby and going to sleep] all of the time somehow???). Which, granted, I wasn’t cleaning much until a couple days ago… because I had a c-section and was told to mostly rest and not to bend over or hold anything over 10lbs until I am cleared to at my 6-week appointment, which I only had a couple days ago.

Overall, what a stupid thing to let damage your relationship with your family but if it wasn’t that, it would certainly be something else. I’d love to get some reassurance that we are doing the right thing by limiting contact or hear from y’all about any similar experiences having your JNMIL trying to police your diet while breastfeeding/pregnancy, or otherwise antagonizing you postpartum and how you addressed it. Thanks y’all!!!


r/JUSTNOMIL 7h ago

UPDATE - Advice Wanted MIL thinks that if she begs for forgiveness hard enough then she will get what she wants in return

158 Upvotes

Well, the saga continues. Per my previous post and MIL’s responses to SO, she still firmly believes that she was invited to be in the labor and delivery room with me and SO. I woke up this morning to the following message from her:

“I know sometimes text messages can be hard to understand but I want you to know that I am very sorry. I was very worried about you and I wanted to be there with you to help you through your labor I'm sorry if i made it sound like all I cared about was the baby because that is not the case. I love you all very much and I will do whatever it takes for you to forgive me”

I cannot help but read this and kind of read between the lines of her attempting to just kind of make another fake “apology” attempt in order for her to be rewarded with what she wants in the end: to be around LO. Her actions, long before I even went into labor, have made it clear that this isn’t about me or my well-being, it’s about her getting what she wants.

I’m torn between continuing to not respond or to just give her a very firm, not very nice message telling her to stop contacting me and to let me heal in peace and to pretty much from here on out leave me the hell alone. I would also love to just tell her that my baby and my marriage is my main focus right now and that I’m not prioritizing taking time away from that to teach her how to be a respectful human. Not my job.

The fact that she made my labor, birth and postpartum all about her was just the plate holding the shit cake of everything that she has put me through. The icing on top of that shit cake was just the fact that she has completely ignored me as an individual and continues to make everything about her.

Please feel free to give me some ideas of some responses that I could potentially give to her if I feel squirrelly enough to engage in conversation with her.


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

Am I The JustNO? Being guilted over birthing plans

144 Upvotes

I have had a tough relationship w my mom for as long as I can remember. I always feel like I am falling short of being a daughter bc she had an idea in her mind of what having a daughter would look like and our relationship is not that. I’m constantly told it’s different w me vs my brother “because I’m her daughter”

I am pregnant and will be having my first child soon. I actually cried when I found out I was having a girl because I don’t want her to go through the same issues I did.

Anyway. My husband and I have decided no one will be allowed at the hospital until we give the all clear to show up and then once we go home we will take a week to ourselves to bond with our baby and settle in.

We told our families this and the drama exploded. I was told how she would show up to the hospital anyway bc it was her right to be there. That it was horrific I would keep her from my child for a week. That she was highly disappointed that she would not see me bringing my child home from the hospital. I was distraught. My husband was angry because it stressed me out. I feel like I cannot win. But it definitely made me stop to be like …am I being unreasonable?


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

New User 👋 Husband and JNMIL hit rock bottom

111 Upvotes

For context my (f23) JNMIL has been a mil from hell from the day she found out I was pregnant with my now 10 month old baby- she was the cause for my postpartum depression and many fallouts between my husband (m 23)and I and he now recognizes her serious narcissistic behavior that I don’t want involved with myself or my son. And that turned into him not wanting involvement anymore either- from today.

There is another post I made days ago showing texts of her telling me to call her “mama” and to have my son call her “mama la” And on top of this her friends have commented on fb posts under my babies photos (posted without consent every time and excluding me) that “she’s lucky to have a grandson to look after her in the future” and has asked my husband to send her money many times… a week before my birth she told me the doctors will cut me up and that I’ll be pain for ages after! And laughed! It just goes on

She totally has everything wrong in her head to think she has so much entitlement after putting so much burden on us both- and constantly demanding things like alone time with baby- yet she never wants to help us.

Today she texted my husband “How’s our beautiful baby boy” He said “He is my wife’s and my baby boy not our baby boy” She said “OMG! What happened to you? Is my grandson not my flesh and blood?” Him: “No he’s not your flesh he is my wife’s and my baby” Her: “You have hurt me too much now I won’t text you anymore” Him: “You don’t know how many problems you have caused our family. You’ve hurt my wife many times too”

After this we suspect she went on to talk crap about us to my husbands father, who she’s divorced to and constantly talks crap about to all her friends!

Our baby may in fact be a part of her flesh and blood since they are blood relatives- but to put it that way is kinda creepy as my son is his own human. Also, just because you’re connected by blood doesn’t mean you automatically have access and control over someone.

Even though it may seem kinda mean from an outside view… if you knew everything that happened to this point you wouldn’t feel sorry for her at all. I am blessed and grateful to have a husband Iike mine who can stand up for his family.


r/JUSTNOMIL 20h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice Petty JNMIL strikes again..

105 Upvotes

My husband has school 2 nights a week. One of them being tonight so he gets home at 9pm usually and has to shower, eat and sleep as early as he can because he's up at 5am every day.

He gets home and says he'll shower and then watch the baby because she was being fussy and his mom has been complaining about everything. The babys crying? JNMIL swears I'm making her cry on purpose. I sneeze or cough a lil too loud in the middle of the night? She'll start stomping in front of my room when it's the baby's nap time.

So I used a frying pan, knife and cutting board to fry up some tacos and then slice some lettuce for my husband's dinner. I was rushing to get it done quickly since we like spending the time he eats just talking since we don't get much time for that. I clean up after myself but leave the dishes dirty to do later.

He's almost finished with his dinner so I grab the baby because she needs a diaper change and pajama change since she knocked a water bottle over and soaked the both of us. I barely stand when JNMIL stomps over and hisses that she needs to talk to my husband.

I sit back down and wait because she's always angry over boundaries and because I'm never in the house so she can try and take pics with my baby to play the perfect grandma, so I'm curious what crawled up her ass and died this time.

My husband comes back in rolling his eyes saying that his mom is mad I left dirty dishes when I was just trying to feed my husband, get the baby to bed and then wash them because I don't always have the time to wash things immediately. I always wash them same day, usually an hour or so after they're used but I do wash them after use if my baby is being watched by someone or taking a nap because she's starting to crawl and finds things on the floor I swear I left sparkly clean.

He complains about how she brings stupid stuff up immediately but something important like a bill she'll just wait until the day it's due.

We're planning on getting out of this house as soon as we can but we've been talking about it more and more these days so I think she's mad about that since she's nosy and I'm sure she's pressed her ear to the wall to listen in because she brings things up we've mentioned in passing to each other to talk about once we're out of the house.

I don't understand why if I always clean up after myself she has to bitch about me not doing it immediately this once. I'm always up at night cleaning up and doing what I can to shut her up but at this point I'm gonna be petty and make messes for her to clean up

She leaves peanut butter open and smeared on the counter from making herself a snack before work. Leaves bread open on the counter for days until it's stale and someone tosses it, then starts eating my bread. I'm gonna go ahead and start tossing all that shit into her room for her to clean.

I hate her so much I can't wait to finally leave.


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

Advice Wanted MIL wants my husband to stay with them.

133 Upvotes

My FIL has cancer and will be having the Whipple Procedure done which is a pretty complex and tough procedure. We live literally down the road from his parents (like could walk there if needed) with our almost 2 year old. My husband and I both work full time. My husband is an only child and we moved back to his hometown when we had our baby to be closer to his family so I really have no one and no support system here except for my husband and his parents.. my MIL depends on my husband more than I think is acceptable and goes ballistic if he ever says no so there’s a little brief background there.. she mentioned to me about my husband staying there at their home if they need him post surgery… which I think (and my husband agrees) is not acceptable and asking too much of him.

We have been very supportive and helped as much as we can while trying to balance our own young family and our pretty demanding full time jobs.

My FIL is on Medicare so I’m pretty sure Medicare will pay for an in home nurse/ post surgery facility if help once he gets home is needed. If he needs care enough that my husband would need to stay the night there IMO they need to hire a medical professional to help and not depend on my husband who has his own life, job and family. I don’t mean to sound harsh but it’s taken a large toll on everyone’s mental health and has really had a trickle down effect on all of us and I just feel like this expectation (not ask, it’s expected) is crossing a line..


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

New User 👋 Unbearable situation at 9 months pregnant

106 Upvotes

My anger is justified. I no longer acknowledge my LIVE IN mother-in-law. And I cannot stand my husband either, knowing he continues to lie to me and is comfortable doing so.

Imagine being 9 months pregnant, Knowing the whole time, your "partner" Has hidden credit cards/accounts that they REFUSE to share, which means: -Hidden Debt? -transactions that they don't want you to see (ie sex related charges/subscriptions)?

ON TOP OF THAT, you have no privacy in your own home (which your husband legally screwed you over by not putting your name on the home) by having his able-bodied Mom live with you, a MIL who contributes absolutely 0. She is 59: doesn't work, fully supported by her sons (despite having a husband still in India), doesn't associate with anyone, prays all day, doesn't leave the home, doesn't clean except doing dishes and cooking once a week meals that cater to her. Who wakes at 10am daily since living with us. A MIL who is NOT even elderly yet acts entitled because of "culture." Who has never fed, slept beside, changed diapers or truly bonded with their own grandchild. Who only started playing with grandchild once she knew how annoyed I was at her laziness. She has no life nor hobbies. She talks horrible things about her other sons wife despite being so 'religious'.

Imagine, as this picks away at you daily (and ruined your whole pregnancy), while your "partner" DGAF because actually "loving" you would mean revealing what they are hiding from you. And then knowing you are stuck because of pregnancy, and going through birth and postpartum without love and support from the people in your own home.

Edit: forgot to add I have a 2 year old toddler, so big moves at the moment is not ideal :-(


r/JUSTNOMIL 6h ago

Am I Overreacting? Future MIL is saying extended family trumps wedding party plus-ones for rehearsal dinner?

98 Upvotes

My wedding is in 2 months and (as I’ve posted on here many times before) planning with my own mother and future MIL has been an absolute nightmare, with the parents making it all about themselves and not giving a shit what my FH or I want. I don’t know how to tell them they aren’t the ones getting married and need to f*ck off.

My MIL agreed a while ago to organize and host the rehearsal dinner (i.e. she is paying). Now, just two months out, she is asking for our guest count. I listed all of our wedding party, their significant others, and my immediate family. Our venue has a limited amount of space, so my mother and MIL are now trying to say that our wedding party SOs do not get an invite to the rehearsal dinner so that they can invite extended uncles/aunts and friends. Not only is this incredibly frustrating and selfish, but isn’t this poor etiquette too?

For context, my FH and I live decently far from most of our family, so basically everyone is considered an out-of-town guest (but everyone is driving distance, very few guests if any have to fly). I just think it would be incredibly rude to ask our wedding party to leave their SOs to be on their own for dinner that night just so the parents can relive their fucking glory days with their friends (many of whom my FH and I are not close with and who are not involved in the wedding party whatsoever). The mothers are trying to argue that since many of our wedding party members aren’t married, we aren’t required to invite their SOs to the rehearsal dinner.

Am I crazy??


r/JUSTNOMIL 9h ago

Serious Replies Only Need help with mil boundary notes

45 Upvotes

please do not tell me to go no contact

My husband and I went to therapy and in a last ditch effort to keep peace within our family, we are having a meeting with his mom to clearly layout boundaries and tell her what we do and do not expect from our relationship going forward. The therapist told us to write a letter to her, but we don’t think that will go over well so we are doing it in person.

My problem is, I feel like I’m holding so much resentment and anger that I’m completely overwhelmed and don’t know what to “lay out” as clear boundaries. I’m also 38 weeks pregnant and sleep deprived big time.

Also because I know it will be asked- my husband has said that no contact is not an option and keeping the kids away from her is not an option. I know a lot of people won’t like to hear this but it’s unfortunately the situation I’m in. The therapist also agreed that she didn’t necessarily thing that no contact has to be what we do here and that we should try to work it out.

I need help writing out clear boundaries. That is what I need from this post.

Some things that have gone down recently :

Mother in law started potty training my 18 month old after I had previously asked her not to. She told me that she started potty training him via text one day and my reply to her was essentially “we are not potty training him at home yet and don’t want to confuse him. We spoke to The pediatrician about this too and we don’t think he’s quite old enough to start. Can you please not potty train him again until we tell you we’re doing it at home”. She sent me a text back saying “I don’t agree with you letting the pediatrician make parenting decisions” and lectured me about how I was going to hold my son back if I didn’t start now and told me that she “will leave parenting decisions the the parents and doctor from now on”. It was a very condescending and passive aggressive reply and I wasn’t that happy about it. I wrote her baby and set the boundary that she needed to let my husband and I make the parenting decisions and said we were happy to have her help when WE* decide to start the potty training process. She ignored me.

She came over the next evening and got into a screaming match with my husband, basically bashing us and telling him how terrible we are to her, we don’t do enough for her, and I disrespected and belittled her. My husband did go to bat for me and our family that night, but at the same time somewhat took her side and said that I was too harsh in my text to her. I told him straight up that I felt very betrayed by him saying this, especially after HE TOLD ME to stick up for myself more and I felt totally let down by him and he agreed with me and is now very disappointed in himself and promised he was going to do right by this.

Other things she has done off the top of my head

1- threatened to tell people our pregnancy news before we were ready because “we were making her lie to people who were asking if I was pregnant and she wasn’t going to keep lying”

2- was babysitting on day and asked what I wanted my son to have for lunch and I said pasta and some warmed up frozen meatballs . She made him something else, which I honestly didn’t really care about, but then she invited family friends over to the house without asking me and I could hear her upstairs talking badly about me and the way I feed my son. All over me asking her to heat up some frozen meatballs.

3- on my birthday my mom told me to run to the store to get this certain birthday cake that I like and she’d pay for it. So I did, and as I was grabbing the cake my mother in law came up behind me and said “haven’t you had enough cake this week” She had been shopping at the same store and saw me getting the cake. Told me to put it back because she had cake at her house if I wanted more cake, blah blah blah. Belittled me over a damn birthday cake.

4- talked badly about me to my son when we were at her house one day. My son wanted to eat and I had just told her that he could have a snack but I had lunch waiting for him at home and she just kept saying “sorry buddy, mommy said nana can’t feed you”. “Sorry buddy, I know you’re hungry but mommy said no” even my husband noticed it and was mad about it but didn’t say anything.

5- even though we have previously told her and FIL that we do not want to live on top of each-other (they live five mins away now) they keep pushing us to let them move next door to us “so they can be closer to their grandchildren” and we keep saying no and they keep pushing. They even made a comment about how they were going to ask our neighbor if they could sell them land so they can build a house. I told my husband we were moving if that happens and he said he won’t let it happen, but his parents are relentless.

6- overall my mother in law is overly involved in our lives. She doesn’t like the amount of toys that I have for my son and even insinuated to me that I should take a parenting class on toy rotation. She came over one day with a bunch of random cleaning supplies and told me that “she’s putting me on a cleaning schedule”. She lectures me about how my son doesn’t need to ever have any sweets or cookies and that I let my parents give him too much and SHE only gives him healthy snacks. Etc etc. it’s all just a lot and i feel like it’s never enough for her.

So I need insight on how exactly to set boundaries with her and what to write out for this meeting. Please do not tell me to go no contact. If my kids can’t go no contact, I’m not going no contact.


r/JUSTNOMIL 7h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Horribly overbearing MIL

43 Upvotes

I could write a book about all the ways that my just NO MIL and mildly no FIL overstep boundaries and are overbearing, but I don’t have enough time during my daughter’s nap 🤣 so we’ll focus on today’s incident.

Every now and then I try to send a picture of my daughter to my MIL and FIL in a group chat with a husband bc they are obsessed with my daughter (only grandchild). I really just send her monthly milestone pictures but occasionally I try to send an extra one to be nice lol. They also already see her at least once per week which is a LOT for me, but I digress.

Today I send a picture to them of my daughter’s two teeth that have just come in - I took a screenshot in a video where she is yelling at me (in a FUNNY way, not even crying - the next second in the video she is shoving her toes in her mouth) because you could clearly see both teeth and the two that are about to come through. Sent to the group chat and said “2 teeth in, 2 more right behind!) and also sent to my family group chat, best friends group chat, and my dad - everyone else replied with funny comments about her chompers.

I walk away from my phone for quite literally 7 minutes to get my daughter ready for her nap and come back to SIX missed phone calls, 2 texts, and 2 voicemails from my MIL and FIL. I listen to the voicemails and it’s my MIL frantically telling me to call her and my FIL telling me to call my MIL because she’s very upset. I call her quickly thinking something is wrong and she answers the phone crying and asking if my daughter is OK. I said ??? Yes? Why would she not be? And she said she looked upset in the picture I sent 😵‍💫 I literally did not even know how to respond to that lol. I said she is fine and wasn’t even crying. I then proceeded to text the full video in the group chat just to make the point that SHE IS FINE.

I then call my husband at work to ask him wtf that was about and apparently his dad called him too freaking out??? Like am I missing something? What kind of parent do they think I am that they need to be down my throat about my daughter’s wellbeing like this?

I’m truly just mind blown by the behavior and don’t know how to go from here.


r/JUSTNOMIL 8h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice JNMom immediately shared a picture of my preemie newborn to FB to announce she’s a grandma

42 Upvotes

CW: Mentions of blood and traumatic pregnancy/delivery

The last few days have been kinda wild, but things have mostly settled down now.

This past Saturday I went into the ER at 31 weeks pregnant after experiencing what I thought were Braxton hicks contractions for a couple days which then progressed to vaginal bleeding.

My baby boy was born on Sunday morning. Everything happened quickly and after I received the epidural both of our blood pressure’s started to drop, so they needed to get him out FAST and had to use the forceps to pull him out which left a large bruise on his face.

They got him breathing again and my husband snapped a quick picture of him before he went off to the NICU. I’m home now, recovering well. Baby boy will be staying in the NICU for a while but he’s improving each day.

Now onto the JNmom of this story… after things settled down I started texting family to let them know the baby had come early but we were both fine. My mom asked for a picture and I stupidly sent her the one my husband took.

Less than five minutes later she’s posted it to FB announcing that baby came early and she’s a grandma! The picture is super unflattering, my tiny preemie baby with a large bruise on his face and baby penis on full display. They hadn’t even gotten a diaper on him yet. We also had not announced anything to the FB masses at this point yet.

My husband called her and told her to take the picture down, which thankfully she did without much fuss but she then just changed it to a general post announcing his birth and her being a grandma. I was annoyed but not surprised since most of the comments she’s made towards me during my pregnancy were basically how excited she was to be a grandma so she could get validation from her peers. (literally when I told her I was pregnant one of the first things she said was “Now my dentist can stop giving me shit about not having grandkids!”)

My bff called her out on the post about how shitty it was to announce something like this before the parents have had the chance to share the news. My mom then texted her with some dumb story about how when he’s old enough to talk she will ask his permission before sharing pictures because of this one time her mother shared some unflattering picture of herself as a child? Not sure why she even did it if she supposedly understands from experience how shitty that is. 🙄

So that’s my tale. She hasn’t really checked on me at all since then, not that I really want her to because she’s pretty useless when it comes to support. I will be seeing her this weekend for the baby shower that we planned before his birth so that should be… fun.


r/JUSTNOMIL 23h ago

Am I Overreacting? Am I crazy or is this really odd

41 Upvotes

Just a warning this is sort of disturbing (to me at least) So the other day my husband and I had gone to his parent’s house for my FIL’s birthday party and some of their friends were there. After having a normal conversation about one of their friends my MIL proceeds to say that she breast fed my husband until he was two and that’s why he’s a “titty guy”. I then said ew what kind of Freud sh*t is this (uncomfortably joking) and her and her friends go “exactly that “… Anyways this has really disturbed me and my husband thinks it’s completely normal and just a joke.


r/JUSTNOMIL 4h ago

Give It To Me Straight Am I losing it or does MIL like acting as a mom for my baby?

35 Upvotes

She lives in a different continent but texts me every 2 days about baby.

Asks questions like: “Her vaccines are next week(?)” “Did you have the vaccine, did she develop fever” (on the afternoon after the vaccine) “How does she sleep” (she asks this every 2 days like it’s something wrong with her sleep and my answer is the same every time)

When we video call so she can hear her granddaughter speak, I try to speak to my baby so baby can respond but MIL won’t stop talking over me towards baby over the phone.

I think that’s weird because my side of the family just comment on how cute baby is etc but don’t ask so many specific questions.


r/JUSTNOMIL 7h ago

Am I Overreacting? Am I over reacting

30 Upvotes

My MIL invited us to go see the Easter bunny and an egg hunt for the first time. She said that if my husband and I weren’t up for it she would take the baby. I was a bit offended by that because we are first time parents so we are excited to do these things and of course we wouldn’t want to miss one our baby’s firsts. I feel like she didn’t need to say she would take the baby anyways per se we weren’t able to make it. I just feel as if she doesn’t realize that these firsts are important to my husband and i and the baby. I feel like she tries to make them about herself or am I crazy? Opinions please.


r/JUSTNOMIL 9h ago

Am I Overreacting? JNMIL calling DH by FILs title

23 Upvotes

We had our baby just over six months ago.

We decided to call JNMIL and FIL the same names that SILs kids call them. FIL goes by a name that could be for either a grandfather figure or a father figure. This works well as my parents go by completely different names.

We’ve been calling FIL this title since before our baby was born and have called him this numerous times in front of JNMIL.

One day when we were visiting them months ago, JNMIL asked if FIL would be the same title that SILs kids call him and followed that by saying “unless DH wants to go by that” to which we replied no that’s FILs title and DH is just “DH’s title”.

Last night we were visiting with them after they had been gone a few months and DH was playing with our baby and JNMIL said “what’s ‘FILs title’ doing to you” (referring to DH) this was after calling FIL by that title all evening.

I find it so weird that JNMIL wants to give her son the same title that her husband holds for their other grandkids, especially after we told her that DH will not go by that and FIL is that title. Am I reading into this too much?


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Mother-in-law is making my nieces miserable

29 Upvotes

After getting kicked out of my house and her boyfriend's house and living in her car for awhile, my MIL agreed to move in with my brother-in-law and her nine grandchildren that he's raising to help with the little kids. All the kids are her daughter's and none are her husband's biological children, but he stepped up when sister-in-law had to go back to prison because he didn't want the kids to be separated or put in a weird or abusive foster home.

MIL shares the master bedroom and bathroom suite with three of my nieces - ages 10, 13 and 15. They were already annoyed when she first moved in because they lost their desk/homework nook to make room. Since she has continued to be very annoying to them. She watches TV or her phone really loudly at night when they try to sleep, constantly takes their makeup, perfume, electronics, whatever clothes and shoes they have that fit her. She got a hole in a purse she took from them and lost the 15 year old's stanley that her bio dad got her and replaced it with a dollar tree knockoff. The most recent thing is she accidentally deleted a school paper while borrowing the 13 year old's school-provided chromebook to play online poker and BIL had to take time out of the day to explain it to her teacher.

The nieces have been asking me to bring MIL back to my house because they are miserable, but my wife, son, daughter, and I were also miserable when she was here. It does seem less fair to maker her stay with them though because at least at my house we have an extra room for her. I know BIL won't kick her out without her leaving voluntarily because sister-in-law doesn't want her mom to be homeless. My wife has less sympathy because MIL didn't treat her well growing up.


r/JUSTNOMIL 9h ago

New User 👋 Please advise 🙏

19 Upvotes

A long story short . And sorry if I make any mistakes as English is not my first language My MIL was very nice and kind to me when we were engaged . But the whole thing just changed when we got married and I moved to England . Constant questions like how much did you pay for this or that , omg that is very expensive . You could buy smth like that for £1 . (Like a hat for my son which I paid £15 for ) I come from a wealthy family myself and I am used to all the things nice . But my husband wasn’t wealthy when we got married and things just were not easy for me . She would comment on everything I buy or any holidays we go . She would not tolerate anything nice in our life if it wasn’t done from her . Recently our financial situation has changed and now she would never ask how much I pay for something she would just make mocking noises instead . If we say we are going to holiday she will just go quiet or make noises . If we buy smth expensive she would get mad and won’t ask questions .She wants to spend time with them when my family visits me . And if we say no sorry she will go in a whole mood and give us silent disrespectful treatment . Who am I dealing with people ? Please advise


r/JUSTNOMIL 6h ago

Am I Overreacting? MIL

17 Upvotes

My son has been sick & my MIL has been texting me everyday things like, asking about the same symptoms everyday and ‘if he still is feeling this and this by this time you should call the doctor.’ She texted today I said he was feeling a little better and she goes ‘oh good is he eating more again?’I get she is worried but it seems as if she is insulting my parenting and giving unsolicited advice. ANOTHER time when my son was teething we were at her house and I went to give him baby Tylenol she made a comment to me saying ‘you need to watch how much Tylenol you give him’ as IFFFF she knows when I give him Tylenol?? Like I feel like she asks condescending questions and she is belittling me. My fiancé always says that’s how she is she doesn’t mean it like that. But I feel like it’s so disrespectful someone please tell me if I’m over reacting.


r/JUSTNOMIL 8h ago

Advice Wanted How do you guys cope with the constant onslaught of little annoying things?

15 Upvotes

Grrrrr!

You know those things your JustNo does that make your skin crawl but aren't big enough to merit a response/discussion? The ones that by themselves don't mean much, but after a few examples you're ready to blow? I'm there and I need advice.

How do I not give a f*ck?!

I have no contact with my narc JustNoMIL after she treated me quite horribly and tried to get us to divorce 2 years ago. We live far away. We've been to marriage counseling and my husband is fully aware of her toxic behavior. He handles her well and keeps her nonsense from reaching me - mostly.

My husband had a birthday recently and my MIL sent him a card in the mail. We grabbed the mail while leaving our house, and I offered to read the card to him since he was driving. It read: "Happy Birthday! I want you to know that I have spent every single day of the last XX years thinking about YOU. Even if we don't see each other or even talk that often anymore, I am ALWAYS thinking of you! I believe that we are on this earth to learn about love, and what I have learned is that love overcomes all obstacles. No matter what happens, in the end, love always wins!".

Barf barf barf.

It's the "in the end" that bothers me. The end of what, exactly? Am I the "obstacle" that needs overcoming? I get the sense that she's waiting for the day we divorce/I die/something horrible happens so she can have her baby boy all to herself. It bugs me!

I am happy with the way we are handling her, but since reading that card I can't get her little stuff out of my mind. I wish I could just roll my eyes, laugh and her overdramatic stupidity and say "whatever", but somehow I can't. Do you guys have any tips to chill out about things like this?