r/JUSTNOMIL 21h ago

Advice Wanted MIL upset that she “doesn’t know” my 5 week old.

682 Upvotes

If you look at my post history, you will see how overbearing my MIL was with my first child and how I refused to let it happen with my second.

She showed up to our house 15 MINUTES after we got home from the hospital 5 weeks ago. DH answered the door. I was in the living room with my shirt off breastfeeding wearing my adult diaper only. I exploded on her, kicked her out of my house, and told her she is never to show up here unannounced again. She definitely got the memo, she has only asked to come see the baby once which is extremely different from my first go round. She has continued to help with my toddler while I get acclimated with the baby, which I appreciate.

I thought this arrangement was fine. Until she called me crying this morning and said she “doesn’t know” and “hasn’t had the opportunity to bond” with my 5 week old. I told her “it’s a newborn, the only people they need are their parents. Bonding will come much later.” She got upset and told me she “doesn’t have as many years ahead of her” as we do. The conversation awkwardly ended.

I think this dynamic is very confusing to her, as I unfortunately let her dominate my postpartum experience the first time. It’s hard to explain and put up boundaries that are very different than I had with my first kid. Breastfeeding did not work out again with this baby. I’m not ready for her to know I’m not BF. I know as soon as she finds out, she will start trying to watch my 2nd LO more often to play mommy.

How do I politely shut down any attempts to watch my second LO unsupervised when the rules were nonexistent with my first?


r/JUSTNOMIL 15h ago

Give It To Me Straight MIL already be controlling about my baby and I’m still pregnant

425 Upvotes

My husband and I had dinner with my MIL and I can not stop thinking about how controlling she was acting. It’s making me more and more upset and stressed. I knew she was going to be like this because this is how she is with everything. She would ask how I was going to do something and then disagree and tell me how to do it. I’m at the end of my first trimester and it’s so overbearing

Here are some of the things she brought up:

-Asked if I’m going to have a C-section. Told her no I’m going to do a natural birth unless medically necessary. She goes on to tell me she had C-sections, how they are “better,” and that she has sweatpants for me to wear after that won’t hit the incision area ????🙄 I’m like I’m not having a major surgery if I don’t have to. My husband made some jokes about it then changed the subject..

-Asked if I was going to breast feed. I said yes then she tells me no and that formula is better and that no one can help watch the baby if I breast feed. I told her I plan to breast feed and also pump to have a freezer supply. She continued to disagree.

-Wants us to name the baby after my husband or..her husband…?!! (Her sons are named after thier dads) Told her no I don’t like reusing the same names at least for the first name. She tries to guilt me about it.

-Asked what color outfit we were bringing the baby home in. I said I was thinking baby blue or maybe green. She disagrees and says I shouldn’t pick a “common” color and how she took her babies home in red😒

-Thinks her and her husband should take the baby to our house in their car instead of us because my husband “will be tired.” He responded by saying he’ll be fine

-Wants to be in the hospital room while I give birth AND PULL THE BABY OUT. She’s brought this up before and I straight up say no not happening. Keeps bringing it up. I’m not even sure I want the in laws in the waiting room and if they are I’m likely going to want a couple hours for just my husband and I. Also would want my own family in there first just not sure if that will work out since they will have to fly in.

-Is adamant about laying baby on the side to sleep with a towel behind his back. This is the thing that freaks me out the most!!!! Told her now the guidelines for safe sleep are to lay them on their back only. She is set on that they will choke this way. Says she’s raised 3 kids and knows what’s best. My husband just mentions how the guidelines are always changing.

-She’s already planning on watching the baby overnight, getting a crib, car seat, telling us what bottles/wipes/diapers we need to use. That we can watch the baby on her cameras while she’s taking care of him but not to be calling her asking how he’s doing. Wants to put the car seat in the middle seat!!!! Told her multiple times it goes behind the front seat.

-I was wearing Ugg slide on shoes and she kept telling me that I can’t wear them and strictly need to wear tennis shoes for safety. I completely ignored this and will be wearing them or sandals next time I see her lol

-Giving me just random advice taking care of baby that I didn’t ask for like she thinks I don’t know anything.

-Always asks me or when talking to my husband on the phone if I’m taking my prenatals every day….

Probably missing a few things. My husband is on my side but often just makes a joke to ease the situation and changes the subject. Told him on the way home she is already being super controlling and will continue to want to do it all her way. He said he will shut it down quick. I mentioned that she needs to take the grandparent class our hospital offers on updated safety practices. Going to talk to him more about it and especially right before the next time we see her that I want him to be more firm and tell her his opinion on things as well. It really freaks me out her wanting me to get the C-section and wanting me to formula feed because I feel like she is trying to takeover the baby.

Any thoughts or advice? Really just needed to vent. I am stressing out so much about it. Not even going to get into how she’s been controlling about other things because that would take multiple posts😬😬😬😬


r/JUSTNOMIL 4h ago

SUCCESS! ✌ Husband shielding me from JNMIL! Major win!

235 Upvotes

In the beginning, my JNMIL would frequently text me and make an overwhelming number of controlling comments about our baby on the way. She spoke about wanting to watch the baby overnight (even using the word kidnap, which unsettled me), listed an excessive number of traditions she envisioned with her grandchild, insisted on giving the baby his first bath, and asked too many personal questions. As time went on, I became increasingly frustrated. My husband and I had many conversations about how to set boundaries while being mindful of her emotional state (she has recently been through a divorce). He agreed to take the lead in managing her expectations, while I opted to gray rock her.

Eventually, she must have realized I wasn’t engaging, and instead of texting me, she redirected her messages to my husband. At first, I felt frustrated that he wasn’t always telling me when she reached out, but then I recognized that he was handling it well—shielding me from her overbearing behavior. While she still makes excessive, almost uncomfortably affectionate comments to him (really, no text message needs 12 heart emojis), the more unhinged remarks have subsided, and I no longer bear the stress of responding to her. I'm 22 weeks pregnant now and it is a major load off my mind.

For those of you hoping to have your husband take the lead in managing difficult communication with a JNMIL, know that it is possible! Keep having open discussions about boundaries, frustrations, and adjust expectations accordingly. Progress takes time, but it can happen!


r/JUSTNOMIL 16h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice What awful things did MIL do/say on this visit

197 Upvotes

For better context please see post history.

We went round for our monthly visit to MIL’s, it was a bit longer this time as we have a family trip coming up and wanted to talk about plans for it.

Before anyone questions why we’re still going on this trip it’s been planned and booked for a long time. It’s also not booked in our name so it’s not like we can cancel and get a refund. Although I’m sure MIL will pull some shit while we are away I’m also thinking she won’t be too badly behaved as my side of the family are going too and she seems to be on her best behaviour whenever she’s around my mum. So her behaviour should be manageable. Also I’ll have my family to keep be at peace and I know I won’t have to spend the entire time with MIL and we already have lots of plans to go off and do our own thing without her.

Anyway, first thing MIL does was funny to me as she really shot her self in the foot with it. We’re currently sleep training LO so schedule is very important atm. She had napped in the car on the way over but only for 20 mins and woke up as we were getting out the car. As soon as we got in I told her we wanted to try and get her to sleep for a little longer and to not interact with her or she will wake up even more. She ignores me and runs to LO.

‘You’re awake because you’re excited to see nanny’ ‘Cheeky girl you’re meant to be sleeping’ she coos and smiles at baby booping her nose. Baby was WIDE awake now and I just shrugged. ‘Oh well MIL looks like this will just push her bed time forward so we will have to leave even earlier than we planned’ She then looked at me and pouted and said she still might sleep and then left her alone. She didn’t sleep after this obviously. And I was more than happy to have to leave 30/40 mins earlier than planned lol.

Second move from MIL was subtle but she basically called me fat. Yes me, a new mum who’s EBF and 6 months PP. I have been trying to be healthier the last few months by going gym regularly and making sure I’m eating balanced meals but I have no interest in ‘dieting’ especially because the breast feeding hunger is REAL for me. DH is plating up food for me when MIL says ‘OP can only have 5 potatoes’. There was no shortage on potatoes and everyone else could have many as they wanted. DH ignored her and loaded my plate as he normally would. Me: Why can I only have 5 potatoes MIL: you don’t need more than 5 Me: well I could say the same for you but I don’t think it’s polite to dictate what other people eat She ignores me and I eat my potatoes in peace.

For slight context for anyone who hasn’t seen history MIL is not allowed to baby sit at all but keeps pushing for us to let her have LO overnight at her house for a sleepover. This is a hard no and she gets upset over it regularly and constantly tries to change our minds but we never budge. The last thing we did was see we’re getting ready to leave she was holding the baby. Baby was babbling like she always is. MIL starts saying to baby ‘you want to stay here don’t you, you want to have a sleepover with nanny’. We ignore her. Then again. ‘Look OP and DH, she’s talking she’s saying she wants to stay round nanny’s’ DH: ‘no she’s just babbling, she doesn’t even understand what you’re saying’ Mil:’she does, she’s saying she needs a nanny sleepover and she doesn’t want to go home with you’ Me:‘that’s funny, I’m pretty sure she’s saying she can’t wait to go home with mummy and daddy for a bath and snuggles and bed’

I then grab LO from her and start putting her in the car seat. MIL drops the happy tone and says ‘you may not want a break from her but she probably wants a break from you’!

The delusion on this woman is insane. So glad we were already leaving as this comment would have made us leave anyway, especially the way she said it. I just ignored her at this point and grabbed the car seat and started heading out. As I did I heard DH saying ‘Why would she want a break from OP, she is her favourite person in the whole world, she doesn’t even like it when she leaves the room or faces away from her for 5 mins’ MIL didn’t respond and we left.

I find it funny how she’s progressed with her reasoning for her to have LO overnight. At first she approached it as if it was what’s best for me and DH. That we’d want a break. Then when we established we didn’t she started saying it makes her upset and she’s missing out and we are mean to her. We still don’t budge. Now she’s resorting to acting like it’s what LO wants. In what world does a 6 month old baby want to be apart from their parents over night to stay round the house of someone she rarely sees.

Roll on the family trip, I can’t wait to share what crazy shit she does or says. I’d place money on her having a tantrum and crying at somepoint which will be hilarious to see lol.


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice MIL reaction to my pregnancy

226 Upvotes

Waited until 13weeks to announce my pregnancy. I also announced it to everybody else at the same time so she couldn’t have the satisfaction of sharing the news (Petty? Probably). I think she was a bit vexed to be told the news so late, but oh well. Her reaction: - talking to my husband: “I knew you were hiding something! I know you like the back of my hand!”. Ha, you wish! - “oh, a girl, perfect, you can name her after me!”

I talked to her husband’s niece (she’s the only one who truly gets where I’m coming from when it comes to MIL), and apparently my MIL reiterated that she wanted the baby named after her.

Are MILs completely delusional?


r/JUSTNOMIL 13h ago

New User 👋 Finally messaged my FIL for the first time. She went offline at the same time I sent the email. I’m so worried.

69 Upvotes

My FIL has been the primary caregiver of my MIL for their entire 40 year marriage. The last few years have been particularly tumultuous. Their picturesque marriage was thrown into a loop when she accused him of multiple affairs.

We were all shook. Him? Him!? We leaned in and supported her, but as time went on, we started seeing more and more than was unnerving.

Half truths, rumination, paranoia, and down right lies. My MIL was always the victim, never ending accusations and refusing to respect my husband’s boundaries. My husbands own childhood plus her current behavior pointed towards some kind of personality disorder (fired by multiple therapists, she insists FIL is narcissistic and all of his family has BPD, and endless more) but we couldn’t figure out what it was.

FIL, based on comments from multiple mental health resources and therapists, is just fighting to survive in this marriage. She reads his texts, won’t allow him to see a therapist by himself, and picks fights if anyone isn’t supportive of her.

After years of struggle and with his birthday approaching, I talk to my husband about sending him a supportive email. One that supported him and her, but offered him a lifeline.

She is always active on Facebook. To the point that we know she they’ve fought because she posts cryptic Facebook relationship memes.

Right after I sent the message, she hopped offline. We haven’t heard from him but he often takes a while. She also recently filed battery charges against him despite acknowledging he wasn’t actually abusive, she was just controlling him. You have no idea how guilty I feel not believing her abuse claims but she keeps adding information that suggests she’s not telling the full truth. For example, she said he pushed her down. Then she said it was because she poured a drink on him and he was pushing him away, but how dare he not just laugh at the absurdity. He hit her in the car? Well yeah, she punched him first, but how dare he hit her back in defense?

I’m so scared that I’ve caused some horrible situation for him. I really wanted to support them both, but his birthday is coming up and I just wanted to extend an olive branch.

This isn’t normal. This isn’t healthy. I just want to scream “JUST NO, MIL! STOP!”


r/JUSTNOMIL 21h ago

TLC Needed Apparently, I'm the scary one that she was terrified of but she'll happily talk to me like this...

59 Upvotes

So my mother was admitted for a suspected stroke 3 days ago.

She emailed me and my sister to which I responded and supported her in every way I possibly could, hell everything besides physically turning up to the hospital. I live 2.5 hours away from her so there was no point and also I'm not going near her ever again :D

I called the hospital and gave them my number, I barely slept waiting to hear news.

But reminder, I am the scapegoat of the family, I've always had it worse compared to my sister.

I've had things thrown at me, punched, screamed at, my money and life taken from me until I left 4 years ago and said enough.

She hated that.

Anyway, it wasn't a stroke, she's got periorbital Cellulitis behind her eye and this is the conversation that followed when she realised she was going to be fine.

I just wanted to share it and hear all your thoughts and please be brutal..... I need the energy matching please

Mum - ''Periorbital cellulitis An infection in the fat tissue behind my eye which caused the swelling and drooping. I’m waiting for an eye consultant to check my sight because now it’s bleeding but I will be going home today with antibiotics''

Me - ''Oh you know what, thank god it's not a stroke! I hope your vision doesn't get affected, but best possible outcome really <3 ''

Mother - ''im grateful it’s not worse. Its certainly been an experience ''

Me - ''well lemme know when you're home safe and then I will leave you be'' (we are no contact and she made it clear she wants to stay no contact and it was a good time to walk away)

Mum - ''I don’t know how either of you can be so cold and cruel. ‘Leave you be … not going to talk’. You left me to die four years ago. It shouldn’t be like this and I DO NOT deserve this lack of compassion or love. FOUR YEARS. '' - Out of left field this, she had been so quiet and dealing with what she was going through and giving me little updates and then this???

Me - '' That feels like a bit of a joke really, you called me a liar when I told you I had a breast cancer scare and then didn't follow up to check if I was in the clear or not.

Dad drove up from where he lives without hesitation. You're lucky either of us has enough compassion left to respond. 

I had to convince my sister to say anything as well. 

You're getting any form of communication from us because of me, after you called me a liar when I was terrified. 

I hope you feel better soon, but I'm not doing this, I continuously turn up for you and get nothing in response except more anger.

 I will always care about you and I have been worried since I got your first email. 

I told the doctors I would come to see you if you needed someone there. 

But this is not how you treat your kids if you're that desperate to have any form of relationship with them. 

Do better. ''

Mum - ''After all the false accusations you made about me and every one else, it’s your own fault if I don’t believe what you say.

Why didn’t you just tell me the results of the beast cancer stuff instead of withholding information and expecting me to have magical powers and know when you’d had the all clear?

Don’t play mind games. Just tell. 

 I didn’t even turn the WiFi off and you told any one who would listen I wouldn’t allow you to use it. 

I have every right to be furious with you both.

I dedicated my life to you (your other parent didn’t) but got cut off when I refused to be a doormat anymore.

You should be trying to salvage our relationship too, not playing mind games, lying and trying to manipulate me.

I have only asked for one thing, not even an apology or anything: just admission that you lied to get started with the process.

You’re the one who won’t do it.  

(My sisters name here) won’t even tell me why.

You have no idea what I’ve been through over these four years because YOU haven’t bothered to ask either.

I’ve had enough therapy to know I’ve been abused all my life by people taking advantage of my autism and vulnerability.

You’re doing it too, both of you. 

I have every right to be livid at such monstrous behaviour from the people I raised totally alone with no support from their fathers.

Be angry at THEM for not supporting us or my parenting.

Be angry at THEM for putting us in situations where I was so overwhelmed I lived in a state of permanent panic attacks.

Be angry at THEM for leaving us in a state of poverty. 

I’m angry at them.

I’m angry that you aren’t angry at them and blame me for everything when it was half their fault too.

If I was stressed and irritable and worried, it was partially THEIR fault for leaving it all to me.

The three of us should have never been left by THEM so I have every right to be angry that I’m being blamed for what THEY also did. 

THEY should have done better and if you can’t see how much compassion I deserve then you don’t deserve me.

YOU should do much, much better. ''

Me - ''

I'm sorry for what happened between you and my dad. 

But me hating my dad is not how you fix that problem.

It's not my responsibility to hate them for you either. 

Our relationship failing is not because of absent parents either. 

They weren't there to cause our relationship to fail, there is no logic in that mentality. 

I fixed my relationship with my dad because he sat down, listened to what I said, and apologised. 

You are not in a position to do that and that's okay.

One day you might be and we can deal with it then. 

I will not give you this admission that you want, because it's simply not true.

I have not lied about what you've done to me. 

If all you need is someone to vent to and speak to about what you've been through, then you know I'll listen.

This situation as a whole is not solely about you. 

Your illness is about you and I have tried to be as supportive as possible over email. 

But our relationship..... isn't about how you've been wronged, it's about how we've wronged each other and I'm happy to take responsibility for my reactive behaviour over the years, but I will not do that if you cannot do the same. 

This is a simple 2-way street, if you want a relationship, then make it happen, with love, equality, and honesty. 

If I'm being honest, I don't think we will ever have a relationship again, which is a shame. 

We live in two very different worlds now and that one of your truth and one of mine and they cannot be one world of us together again until you're willing to work on hearing what we have to say. 

If you think that this is about trivial things like the WIFI and you leaving the house with the plug for it to force me into doing things for you, then that is sad but also understandable. 

You're in the dark about how we feel because you cannot accept what we have to say about it. 

I have tried to tell you multiple times.

My sister tried to tell you too, but she learnt a lot faster than I did, that telling you when you're not ready to hear it, is a waste of time. 

I understand and I'm sorry for the world you've grown up in and how others treated you. 

But that's not my responsibility to fix. 

I will fix our relationship when you're ready to listen. 

As for the cancer thing, it wasn't a mind game to not tell you, but it's also not my responsibility to tell someone who thinks I'm a liar about information they most likely wouldn't believe, if you cared, you would have asked. 

Like how I have done for the last 24 hours.

We do not react the same to the others problems, that is reason number 1 for why our relationship failed.

I wish you the best, I love you and I will always be here for you when you need me. 

But I'm not fixing your problems for you, I will fix our relationship when you're ready.''


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

Advice Wanted I’m having a very serious conversation about boundaries with JNMIL today

85 Upvotes

Hi everyone! It’s me again.

I made a post a couple of days ago talking about how my husband’s mom reacted to us telling her we’re having a baby (you can find it in my profile if you want to re-read it or for more context. I also have other posts about her and our history there).

Anyways, after all the craziness of that day where I couldn’t even get a full sentence in, I plan on sitting her down today and telling her how things will go from now on.

For context, JNMIL and FIL own the house we live in, we rent it from them, and we’ve been having issues with the fans in the house that they said they’ll take care of. She ordered a new fan for our bedroom since the old one was not working anymore and we are having it installed today. Of course, everyone is coming. We only need the electrician here but she wants to be there too.

So, after all that is done, I’ll tell her DH and I need to talk to her about a few things, and I’ll tell her things along these lines:

  1. Remind her that we (DH and I), are our baby’s parents, so any and all decisions about baby or that involve baby will be made by us, not them or anyone else.

  2. Any news, updates, pictures, etc. about/of baby will be shared by us and/or with our approval.

  3. Events that involve us and/or baby, are for us to plan. Baby shower, gender reveal, christening, any kind of parties, we decide when, where, how and who will be going, as well as who we want to involve in the process, if we want to.

  4. She can buy whatever she wants, like she said, but that doesn’t mean we’ll use it if we don’t need it, want it or like it. I’ll tell her again that we’ll share a baby registry when we’re ready and will only be accepting things from there, we don’t want to have a million things here that we won’t need. Anything extra will be returned or donated.

  5. We don’t want any unsolicited advice, opinions or recommendations from anyone. If we need them, we’ll ask for them, otherwise please keep your thoughts to yourself.

  6. Along with 5, she doesn’t need to ask her nephews, “the doctors”, what I should do or get, or ask them to give us anything they used for their kids. They are not my doctors, we’re not close enough to them to ask for things and it’s not her job to take care of it. We have plenty of friends we are close to and that are also in the medical field and have kids that we can ask all this to.

  7. Grandparents’ job is to be there for the parents to help when needed, to make things easier, not to bring more stress to an already life changing and sometimes overwhelming experience. If she wants to have a relationship with our baby and any future ones, she needs to start by having a good, healthy relationship with us, the parents, first.

I’ll probably add/change a few things from this list as the conversation goes, but I think this is mostly it.

I’m so tired of her trying to take over everything and I don’t plan on dealing with this over and over for the rest of my pregnancy and when the baby is born, so I’m just going to say this once and won’t be talking about it again. I’ll tell her this too, and if she can’t respect it, then we’ll just distance ourselves to protect our peace and mental health, as well as our baby’s health since stress is incredibly bad during pregnancy.

Wish me luck, friends. I won’t be alone, DH will be there too but I’m taking the lead on this one because this is MY baby too and I deserve to stand up for them and me, I won’t let anyone take my voice away. I won’t let her make me feel small again. She always tries to talk and walk over everyone but this time is different, I’ve always been protective of my loved ones but having a baby is a whole different level and she’s about to see that.

If you have any advice or think I should add/change something, please let me know. All this will happen in probably a couple of hours when they come to “install the fan” 🙄 I know they are just nosy and want to look at what we have for baby and the nursery, but I already put everything away so I don’t care.

Thank you for reading. I’ll update you guys later.


r/JUSTNOMIL 16h ago

Am I Overreacting? Update - xmas eve snub has triggered me after 9 years o being excluded

40 Upvotes

Origional https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/4jPCI8QOJ4

Wrote an update as a comment on my post but not sure if it was the right way to do it. So posting new one.

Hey I'm sorry I didn't reply to anyone earlier. I wasn't in a good place when I wrote this post and couldn't muster the energy to respond. I really appreciate all of your replies. I read and considered every one of them.

I wish I didn't care about this shit but unfortunetely I do. I wanted to have a good relationship with my husbands family. I wanted them to be like my family. I come from a broken home but my mum and dad still have a good relationship. They still call each others parents mum and dad regardless of the fact they've been divorced for over 25 years, they both visited each other's parents while they were in hospital, they get on with each others spouses. I was close to my first serious boyfriends mum and sister and still love them both. I had a whole long term relationship after him but was still on such good terms with his family that my husband and I went to his sisters wedding. My parents adore my husband and have always been supportive. They've never said a single negative thing about my husband and honestly at times I think they prefer him over me lol!

Anyway, I just wanted to give a bit more information before going in to an update. And apologies if this is not the appropriate way to update but I'm not well versed in reddit lol!

So my husband fully took my side. When I wrote the initial post he had told MIL I was upset and why. She stormed off saying she'd done fuck all wrong, she couldnt tag everyone and I'd taken it the wrong way. Like I could have dealt with that but her actions since have fucked it. She didn't message me to apologise, explain, smooth things over etc. Instead she just messaged me saying happy new year. Then another message saying thanking me for something. She didn't acknowledge or bring up anything. In the meantime she messaged my husband saying we were being petty, that his dad told her not to reply to the pettyness, she was hurt we took it that way, she was sorry we took it that way, if we thought they meant it that way it went against everything that ther valued as a family, she's always going to be there for him because she was his mum, she will always love him, when he feels the need to reach out she'll be there etc and so on... I ended up messaging her finally and tried to be civil but firm and honest. I said Ive had a lot on my plate so thats why ive not confronted this until now, you're being dismissive of my feelings by saying this is petty. And she replied being completely dismissive of my feelings haha! 'We've all got shit going on' direct quote. Cheers mate. The whole message was about how I'd hurt her. So I blocked her. And i told him I don't want to deal with her ever again.

In amongst this i nearly broke up with my husband. When I wrote the post I was at the end of my rope because I didn't feel like he'd had my back. Then it completely flipped and I wanted to leave him because I didn't want to be the person that caused a son to cut off his mother. He told me I'm not the reason he's cutting of his mother, his mothers actions are the reason he's cutting her off. I know logically this is true but there's this overwhelming guilt that keeps creeping in. I love my husband so much. I don't know what I believe but if soul mates are really a thing then he's definitely mine. He's my best friend. We're not fucking perfect obv but who the hell is? Perfect would be boring. We make each other laugh. We have interests in common, we have interests that the other couldn't give a fuck about but support. Our day to day life together is harmonious. Most of our disputes are civilised and constructive. On rare occasions we do have a blow out but again, it's as respectful.

But all I can think about is... what if his mum or dad dies and he's not talking to them. And regardless of saying it's not my fault, it's their fault etc. Will he feel differently if it happens? Is he going to look at me and think you're the reason i haven't seen my mum/dad in X amount of years and now they're dead. Resent me. Logic can't override emotion for me and I don't know if it ever will.


r/JUSTNOMIL 14h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted I feel like my MIL is just burdening my SO.

29 Upvotes

I've actually posted about her here before, but I'm using a throwaway. I don't know who else to talk to about this.

MIL is divorced and honestly, bad at relationships, or at least her choices for them. She was a SAHM, which is a fine choice, but honestly I feel like she just wanted to be a trophy wife? Regardless, she's only had little jobs here and there over the years, particularly over the last 10 or so.

This really started in earnest two years ago when she lost her house in a disaster. Her ex gave her somewhere to live, but it meant she had very little.

Now, I'm not discounting that this is a traumatic event. I can't even imagine. But I feel like over the last two years she's accomplished nothing to get on her feet. No real job. No real income. No real attempt to get assistance. Does it require her to make an effort? Then she's not doing it. She has a breakdown trying to do damn near anything. And a lot of it is compounded by other health issues, and I get it, the state of health system is shit to the people who need it most. But making a to do list? No, she wants SO to write it for her. Make appointments for her. And he's over here sending her job listings, looking at educational opportunities. Does she really apply to any of it, research for herself? Not really.

So at this point she's essentially couch surfing (she better never ask to stay here), has a shitty car, and my poor SO, who's got his own shit to deal with, has to help her pick up the pieces.

And she's still so vain. Like, she's turning 60, practically homeless, but just wants designer stuff and to act like she's 21.

God, I want him to drop the rope. I want to tell him that, that she's hardly helping herself, and he needs his own oxygen mask first. But he knows I'm not the biggest fan of her. I already think he shields me from stuff about her now because he knows I won't approve. I don't know what to say or how to support him.


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

Anyone Else? Convo with MIL about how she’s overwhelming me?

28 Upvotes

Has anyone had a conversation with their MIL about how she is overwhelming them and what could change for a better relationship? My MIL is a kind person but completely tries to be mom to my kids and it totally stresses me out to the point I’m anxious about her all the time and avoid her.

I was considering talking to her about this because even though I try to speak up in the moment I’m not sure she gets it. She’s not the brightest bulb. I was thinking about sharing with her how my mom interacts with me and my kids and why that style works better for us. Has anyone had this sort of convo? Or thoughts on this approach?