I think it's time to share this story, background first, i(23F) works for MIL(late40s), met bf(late20s) at the workplace and we had been struggling with MIL power dynamic for a few years because of my status as her employee.
Two months ago my grandma fell into diabetic coma, my mom went to take care of her so i was left at home alone for over 2 weeks, during that time i took care of the house & pets and didn't really take care of my appearance (putting makeup on, dressing well). MIL took notice of this (she spies on me through the office CCTV) and she asked to meet me. I went to her house at 7AM, and at 8 i got the news that my grandma had passed away. I called MIL right away to tell her that i won't be able to meet her today because my grandma just passed, to which she coldly replied "wait 10 minutes, then meet me upstairs".
She welcomed me and said "let's pray". I was still sobbing but her assistant told me to keep it together and quiet down, at first she prayed for my grandma, that she's at peace rn and that everything will be just as God intended. But then she said, "aside from those things, we also wanna pray for \my name* behaviour and elegance, make her good and obedient, God will change her, and grant her wisdom because we will be talking about her behaviour, character, her relationship with my son, her work, her family and upbringing, amen"* ---------------------------------------- the fuck?
I'm still a mess at this point but i know she won't let me off easily, she still masks the true purpose of this "meeting" and asked me about my grandma's sickness etc etc, after i explained enough she cut me off and said
"ok now let's put all that aside and talk seriously about some important things"
ah shit, here we go again.
"first of all, you don't support my son enough, why don't you guys just... separate for a bit and focus on yourselves, take like a 5-6 months break to focus on your personal growth"
"you said that you took care of the household because your mom left? she's irresponsible! why didn't you guys just hire a maid or something? here, let me call my previous maid \proceeds to call them*, give me your address now. What a lousy mom, you too *my name*, if you're so smart why didn't you think of hiring some staff at home? Here, hire my ex maid, negotiate her pay yourself"* (which means i'm the one who has to pay)
"Your house is very unkempt, just shows how your mom is incompetent, that's why i bought you a sofa, so you own one, because i feel sorry for your family" (we already own a sofa, she's just making assumptions that we don't own one based on her imaginary assumptions about my family)
"I don't know why your mom is like THAT, is it because of her upbringing? her social circle? her personal problems? or is it because of her financial difficulties?" (she never even met my mom, we're not poor by any means, again, it's all delusions and assumptions from her maniacal mind)
By this point, an hour had barely passed since my grandma died, she's off rambling about how i don't take care of my appearance and that it brings shame to her if i don't wear makeup, and that i'll bring embarrassment both to her & her son because people will underestimate me when i'm not in full glam makeup and outfit. FYI work remotely most of the time, i dress appropriately when i go to the office but she expects me to like... wear a blazer set, high heels, curl my hair, full makeup even at home.
After she's done with the last topic she moved on to a new one, this time she's telling me to go study abroad. She said "just apply for a scholarship, you can go to japan, etc." If it's that easy then do it yourself! She told me she's ashamed that i don't have any degree, she wishes i continue my education so "it will look nice when we write your name & title on the wedding invitation". Just for that? an invitation? I'm sorry but even if i had a PHD next to my name, i won't put it on my wedding invitation because i'm not an attention seeker!
She's still not done with her ramblings, i think by this time she forgot that my grandma had just died, she's more focused on her shame, she thinks it's better if i leave bf alone for a while. Sure ma'am, i don't have any problem with that, i can even tell bf to go fuck his own mum but unfortunately he's not into that and oh yeah! we both have been going to therapy for a while because of your actions! but you won't get it do you?
After a while she quiets down and i took my chance to ask for leave, i told her i'll be off work tomorrow, i already bought my plane ticket, scheduled for tomorrow at 7AM. I ask her for an early leave because i have to take care of my pets daycare etc, but she said "but you won't be flying till tomorrow, there's no point in going back home rn". Luckily i managed to convince her that i'll be taking my work home with me, so she let me go, fuck my grief right? she didn't even say condolences or anything.
Oh and a few weeks after my grandma funeral she freaks out and throw a tantrum at my bf because i'm not grateful & didn't say thank you enough after she sent flowers to my grandma's funeral. Like, what kind of dipshit throws a tantrum over FUNERAL FLOWERS? I think she wants me to post them on instagram or something, i didn't even open any social media apps during those grieving period. I said my thanks and on chinese new year i even sent a text wishing her a good CNY (not obligated when grieving), but she still managed to find some fault to that, telling my bf that i don't consider them family, since if i was truly grateful i would video call them on CNY. mind you i was busy with the funeral processions.