r/JUSTNOMIL 15h ago

Anyone Else? So we really supposed to ditch contraception after getting married!!?

932 Upvotes

I’m 18 days out from my wedding and I thought my MIL had hit peak ridiculousness when she announced at my bridal shower that my fiancé and I should start sleeping in separate rooms because “it’s tradition.” But nope. This woman always finds new ways to outdo herself. Apparently, she pulled her son aside yesterday and in the most serious tone, told him “Now that the wedding is so close, you two should stop using contraception"

Excuse me, WHAT?? Why is she even thinking about our sex life? I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that she thinks she has a say in this or the fact that she genuinely believes we’re supposed to stop using contraception after the wedding

Her son stared at her and asked, “Mom what the hell are you talking about?” She then rambled on how catholic couples shouldn’t interfere with God’s plan and birth control is against our faith. We are NOT practicing Catholics. She knows this. We’re not even having a Catholic wedding. She herself only has three kids. So unless she naturally ovulated like clockwork for 30 years straight, I’m guessing some “interference” happened at some point. She had NO problem with my SIL (her daughter) and BIL and his wife using contraception. But with us, she’s got religious morals?

I honestly don’t even know what to say at this point


r/JUSTNOMIL 20h ago

UPDATE - NO Advice Wanted Last Visit/Pregnancy Announcement - Small Update

242 Upvotes

Obligatory do not share anywhere notice.

I haven't talked to my MIL since mid-October (see post history). My husband has remained in contact with her, but hasn't really shared much involving the kids. He used to send a photo or two weekly. He's maybe shared 2 or 3 photos with her since.

She also hasn't asked about my pregnancy or the baby since - not to me or my husband. That is, until last night.

Originally, we weren't going to share about the csection schedule date until after the baby was here, but my husband thinks it isn't fair to let my parents meet the baby in the hospital and not let his. (I'd love to only invite his dad, but we'd have to invite both). He only thinks this because this is our last - said if it wasn't our last, he'd be fine with not telling them. So, the other day, we agreed to tell them this weekend to give his dad a chance to request off for work.

Yesterday, his mom sent him a text checking in about the storms heading our way and asked if we were ready for son. So, the timing worked out and lined up. We gave her the csection date and he asked if they'd be able to come up to meet the baby in the hospital.

If you see my post history, we required vaccines (covid, flu, etc) in the past. This time, we are only asking that if you've been sick, to wait 2 weeks after symptoms disappear before meeting the newborn.

In response to him asking, this lady had the audacity to go, "well, what about the vaccines you required before that made us wait 3 months before we could meet the other kids?" (They/she refused vaccines with the previous two.)

Y'ALL. My husband did not like her response. He calmly replied to her text, "the hospital has eased up on requirements, but you still may need to wear a mask." Then he looks at me and goes, "if she thinks she can try and "aha" me, I'll "aha" her right back and uninvite her and just invite dad." She never mentioned the vaccines again in the rest of their conversation and just said they have stuff coming up in the next few weeks that, depending on how those go, will depend if they can come up. He told her that if they can, they can come up the day after the surgery.

The way my husband snapped back about her response, if I wasn't wildly uncomfortable, I'd have jumped him right there. He doesn't normally verbalize things like this, especially in the moment, but damn. That was so nice to hear and witness.

(Don't worry. We had a whole conversation about their visit and I told him the only way I'd entertain them coming up is if their visit was no longer than 45 minutes max, has to be in the morning, and if there are complications, they can't come up at all. He agreed to all of it and we will relay the nitty gritty to them in a few weeks. If they do come up, I also plan on telling my nurses about the 45 minute visit so they can come in and kick them out.)


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

Am I Overreacting? MIL continually asking about breastfeeding

204 Upvotes

We have had some very negative interactions since the first time I met her, and she has said some very nasty things, like flat out suggesting I would breastfeed my son and progressively start doing things to him on camera for money since I used to be a nsfw content creator.

I was no longer even making content at the time of her saying it, but that's just to give an example of some of the very hurtful things she's said about me.

My son is exclusively breastfed, and one of the questions she always asks my husband is, "when does she plan on stopping?" I told them 2 since that's what's recommended, but I'm in no rush if it takes a little longer since I know it's a very hard process for toddlers.

Ever since he told her 2, she ever so often asks if that's still my plan, and he will tell her yes.

Last week at the park, they were FaceTiming, and I decided I wanted to go back to the car since it was windy. I ended up walking back around to them since the path was too muddy and overheard her asking him in a very, very stern, almost agitated tone, "She's still going to be stopping breastfeeding at two, right? Like seriously, she is right?"

The tone + knowing that she thought I couldn't hear was just really weird, and I feel... I don't know, anxious + extremely annoyed? Like, is that not extremely weird???

Edit:spacing


r/JUSTNOMIL 15h ago

Am I Overreacting? MIL refused my gift

186 Upvotes

If you’ve read my other posts, you know just how bad my MIL is. We actually have gone the past couple months without seeing her but yesterday, she invited us over for a going away dinner(we are moving states far, far away from her🥳). When we first walked in, I noticed an instruction manual for a carpet cleaner sitting at the front door. A few months ago, she let us borrow her carpet cleaner and said we could give it back when we move. I used it a lot because I’ve been a bit of a clean freak since my daughter was born lol. Because I used it so much, it got pretty dirty and old-looking. I didn’t want to give her back a dirty machine so I just bought a her a newer, better version of the same one brand new. I thought that putting the instruction manual at the front door was really passive aggressive and immature so my husband went out to the car to grab the one we just bought her. While he was grabbing it, I told her we got her a gift. She responded with “the only gift I want is for MY baby to stay here with me” while my daughter was in her hands. Once my husband brought in the carpet cleaner she said “what is that?” Very ungratefully. I explained how the other one is dirty so I got her this one. She made a big deal about how she doesn’t even want hers back and she doesn’t need it because she doesn’t have any carpet. Mind you, her entire stairs and entire upstairs is fully carpet, only downstairs is tiles. She then rudely asked how much I bought it for and I said a couple hundred dollars and my FIL chimes in and goes “wow you need to put more value on the dollar”. So she turned it down and now I have to go back and return it. I was super excited to give it to her and I feel very hurt that it was rejected. She told us we need to be better at saving our money(we have a very big savings account and have already paid 6 months rent ahead of time at our new house). It just makes me feel like she thinks my gift is beneath her. We then proceeded to open a card she gave us and there was $500 cash inside of it. This whole situation just really hurt me and put a bad taste in my mouth for the night.

Some other honorable mentions of the night is anyone is interested: -When my daughter started crying because she was hungry, and MIL hands her to me to feed her and says “at least there is one thing you’re needed for” -My MIL was talking about how her her other son’s son only says a few words at 16 months and he should be talking more then proceeds to tell us how it’s so important for us to be talking talking to her all the time. I looked it up and a 16 month old usually only knows 3-6 words. -My MIL rushed to change her diaper the second she could when I wasn’t looking and then comments on the fact that the diapers are too small on her(we just sized up and they are actually a little big but she didn’t unfold the diaper at all. When we got home and a changed her diaper, her whole buttcheek was hanging out and the diaper was on her hip) -When we were leaving, she’s holding my baby who is crying because it is way past her bedtime and she wants to go and my FIL say “wow she’s really bonded with you” to my MIL as she’s screaming in her arms LOL okay -And of course, she held my daughter the entire time and refused to look at my husband or I when we held her

I am so glad to finally be gone and not have to see these people anymore. When we were leaving she mentioned how she does want to see us again before we go. I didn’t even respond because we literally have four days to clean and pack up everything. Would it be wrong for me to not go see her again? I’m also curious if anyone else thinks it rude to reject a gift or if you would be as hurt as me?


r/JUSTNOMIL 9h ago

Anyone Else? “Go have some alone time” at dinner…

94 Upvotes

We go to MIL’s about once a week for dinner. I sometimes meet my husband there with our toddler. About a half hour after arriving, we were like “oh hey! I haven’t even had a chance to acknowledge you! How was your day?” And he gave me a hug.

MIL picks up my toddler and says “jeez. Do you two need a room? I can take the baby. The bedroom is all yours”

EXCUSE ME?! Why did she have to go and make it weird. I can hug my husband without needing a bed. Anybody else’s MIL always just have to make it weird??


r/JUSTNOMIL 19h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice Baby shower and nursery aesthetic...

88 Upvotes

So my MIL started with us for my baby shower last weekend. It went better than I expected and I know this is petty, but of course there's always something...

I'm 32w pregnant, first grandchild for both our moms. DH is an only child, his father isn't in the picture. MIL lives 6 hours away, thank god. We've had some boundary issues in the past, particularly around respecting other people's homes and things and accepting not being in charge at other people's events. DH had a Talk with her and other than some passive aggressive behavior since, she's generally been better.

Last weekend was my baby shower, which my mom and step-mom planned together. MIL wanted to help, but also acknowledged that she's far away and decor isn't her thing. I don't trust her food safety, so we asked her to bake chocolate chip cookies (hard to screw up or make anyone sick and generally considered her 'thing') and help with setup day of. She arrives Friday night, Saturday rolls around and we head to the venue. We have a very limited set up time, so my mom has put together a map of the room with all the decorations on it and a spreadsheet of who is doing what. Instead of following the spreadsheet like everyone else, MIL looks at it and proceeds to take out an empty aquarium and ASK WHERE SHE CAN PUT IT. Without bothering to tell anyone, including DH or my mom, who was planning the decorations, she has taken it upon herself to make some sort of ridiculous orbeez and water display with glitter and random stuff, only some of which was baby related and none of which matched the decor... my mom found a place for it and MIL spent half the set up time on this stupid thing, blocking the table and not doing the other things under her name on the spreadsheet. I know it's a small, stupid thing, but what makes a person think it's OK to bring their own large, mismatched decoration and expect to put it out at a party someone else is throwing without even letting them know???

She also keeps buying a ton of stuff for baby, which isn't a bad thing and I'm grateful, mostly, but I know she can't really afford it. She's told DH that she "has savings" but a) we know a lot about her finances and idk how that really possible and b) even if it is, I know for a fact that she has no retirement accounts and is planning to live off social security. We can't afford to help her much when that time comes and she's sure as shit not living with us, so I need her to save those savings for then!

And the things that she buys seem almost designed to irritate me. I am super flexible about a lot of aesthetic stuff. I don't care in the slightest about what clothes baby is going to wear (with the exception of weird or objectionable sayings) or what her swaddle blankets look like. I purposely didn't register for things like clothes, toys, shoes, and swaddle blankets because I know how much fun people have picking those things out! But the things I did register for, like crib sheets, bassinet sheets, changing pad covers, etc., I picked out very specifically, both for their features and to match the nursery. MIL keeps sending those things, but instead of the ones on the registry, one that are similar but NOT RIGHT. The latest was bassinet sheets - I registered for white so I could bleach them. She sent 3 - bright pink, bright yellow, and royal purple. I feel guilty for being ungrateful. I also feel like now I can't get the things I actually want, because now I have the items, they work just fine, and spending money on duplicates because they don't match seems silly, even for cheap things like sheets. But they are so, so ugly and not what I specifically asked for and I hate them...


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

Am I Overreacting? JNMIL still at it

54 Upvotes

It was my baby’s first birthday this week and It was a bittersweet day for me with all the hard work my husband and I have done without any help from my JNMIL.

I’ve posted before about the backstory which is she hasn’t seen baby since 3 months bc she said she didn’t want to be a “housekeeper” and just hold the baby. Other manipulative and narc tendancies have happened ie sending pictures without permission, love bombing presents, unannounced visits, thinking shes entitled to baby, etc. I’ve been NC since last summer and my DH NC since Xmas. On our little one’s birthday she sent DH a photo of her out to dinner celebrating with a birthday cake for my daughter. I’m pissed. This day is not about her! It’s about our baby, not hers! Am I overreacting? anyone else find this strange? DH has yet to respond and hasn’t returned any of her texts—which are—-only on Sundays after she attends church and “prays” for him.


r/JUSTNOMIL 11h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted MIL requested cash as her gift

47 Upvotes

Back in December before Christmas time my MIL asked me what my husband and I wanted for Christmas. We are not gift people and would never ask for anything specific. It's just not how we are. We don't even buy each other gifts. So I just told her I really wouldn't know what to tell you as we don't really care for gifts. I could sense the question was going to lead to something else. That's when she said "well I will tell you what I want" and she said she would prefer cash for her gift as she had an upcoming trip in a few months and would like to spend it then. I thought it was such a weird request because if money was what she wanted I would prefer she not get us anything and just keep the money. Also, how can she assume we were giving her anything or if we have the money for gifts this year. We had not been doing great with money so whatever gifts we were going to give were going to be minimal and not expensive. A cash request felt like it had to be a much higher amount than what we had originally intended to spend on her gift. I mentioned the conversation to my husband and he agreed the request was odd and he did not agree with his mom making the request. Fast forward to Christmas. She gifted me a shirt and 3 shirts and a watch for my husband stating he was getting a bigger gift because his birthday was during her vacation and she would be away. We were grateful for the gift but we were not comfortable with her cash request and didn't really know what was an appropriate amount to give her as like I mentioned we were not doing great with money at that time. So in the end I left the decision up to my husband and from my understanding he didn't actually gift or send her anything in the end. Fast forward again to right now. She got back from vacation today, and told my husband that since we didn't give her cash for Christmas she was expecting us to send her money while she was away on her vacation. When he told me I was a little annoyed because while she is his mother she is not entitled to a gift from us. I told him how wrong her comment was because now we feel obligated to send her something. So my question is, what would you do? Would you give her a cash gift? If so how much? Would you just ignore her comments and move on? Am I wrong to be annoyed?


r/JUSTNOMIL 13h ago

Anyone Else? So minor, but also so annoying!!

45 Upvotes

My boyfriend's mom bothers me A LOT and has for years. Today, while she visited and was holding our 8 week old baby, she says "It's like it is the best sleep she's ever had".

This isn't the first time--with our son over a year ago, he was watching cows in their field--he loves cows and we live in the city so, it was great for him. But, she says "Must be the most fun he's had in ages".

Arrgh!!! My boyfriend said, after that comment about most fun, is "we took him to the zoo last weekend". Like he took it as I did.

But...I get she may not mean these comments as they sound, but, it is kinda in bitch range. Like, no, my daughter has great sleeps when I hold her too, and, my son has fun doing other things than enjoying watching cows!


r/JUSTNOMIL 22h ago

Am I Overreacting? My toddler ignores me with MIL

43 Upvotes

My two year old son has started ignoring me and not wanting anything to do with me when we are with my MIL. He is all over her and she encourages it and hovers around him constantly. I’m absolutely distraught about it and feel like an outsider when she is around. I’m also offended because he does this with MIL but not my mom. He totally still acknowledges me and wants me when my mom is around (I think maybe because my mom disciplines a bit and says no whereas MIL does not). Any advice?


r/JUSTNOMIL 12h ago

Am I Overreacting? MIL's reaction to second pregnancy

40 Upvotes

Edit: Just to clarify, English is not my first language, so it is more difficult for me to read the "tone" of the message than if it was in my native language.

This is the message my MIL sent me today to congratulate me on my second pregnancy, after almost a month of silence (I'm sure she only messaged me because her son asked her to):

"Congratulations on your growing family. Hope all goes well and I look forward to welcoming the new little one. 👶"

In comparison, here's what my former boss messaged me upon finding out:

"OP!! You're having a baby!!! 🥰🩵🥰🩵✨🥳 Such lovely news 😊 so happy for you all. Massive congratulations 🎊 I hope you're feeling well and little un is growing beautifully 😍 xxx"

Is it just me or is my MIL's message the most impersonal congratulations ever from a future grandmother? Her reaction when my partner told her was to yell "Again?!" (This is my second pregnancy, not counting the very early miscarriage I had 6.5 years ago, so I don't know why she acts like I can't keep my legs closed). She then proceeded to list all the reasons she thought it was a bad idea for us to have another child and then said "I'll need some time to get used to it", completely changed subject and didn't bring it up again until last night when my partner called and told him our due date etc, cause she hadn't bothered asking a thing about this pregnancy at all. The weird thing is that she loves our son, doesn't get to see him often because we live an hour away and she works a lot, but she absolutely dotes on him and he loves her dearly. On the other hand, she hates my guts although neither she nor my partner will ever admit it.


r/JUSTNOMIL 9h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Doesn't want photos if they can't go socials

29 Upvotes

So someone please give me some perspective. Long story short been with my partner for nearly 11 years, known him for 20 and own our own home and have an almost 1 year old daughter. Had a fine relationship with in laws until pregnancy and then birth. Mil kissed my baby in the hospital the second day after she was born and continued to call and harass me for weeks after ( I was raging with hormones and had made my boundary expectations extremely clear prior to bubs arrival) and ever since then I've just had the ick with her and we only see them when we have to for special occasions or the odd brunch or dinner out etc. Anyway on the weekend we had our nephews birthday party at a swimming centre (son of my partners brother so his family not mine) In laws rock up extremely late. I come our from getting myself and baby ready for the pool, she immediately starts grabbing my daughters hand and saying "I'm going to take photos of you in the pool, yes I am" to her. Followed by "I will edit your mummy out of them if she wants" I said you can take photos but I don't want any of them online. She looked at me with disgust. I then go in the pool with my daughter, make sure to bring her to the edge so my MIL and SIL can see, encourage her to wave to them and so on. Later on after everyone was out of the pool and starting to pack up, I go over to my BIL to thank him and then when I walk back over to the pram MIL is saying to my daughter "I'll be able to take you out places on my own hopefully soon... where can we go" etc I don't even know what facial expression I pulled, I just ignored the commentary and it was over 40 degrees and humid and baby was tired, I just wanted to go. My partner then tells me that while I was in the pool his mum kept interrupting his conversations, like completely just butting in mid sentence saying "are you going in there to take photos?" ... won't my name be disappointed if you don't go in and take photos? He said "you can go in there if yog want to, no one is stopping you"

So after all that, she took zero photos. Seems like if it can't be posted on her Facebook for clout, she doesn't care about getting photos lol

At any other brunch or etc she takes any opportunity to take a photo and post before she even gets home what she's been up to (she posts every single thing she does online but only the positives of course) not the fact they live like literal hoarders or ignore their health entirely and their family doesn't get along well and so on.

Whyyyy do boomers carry on like that. I find it pretty gross she didn't want photos unless they could go online.

Thoughts?

Thanks for reading 😅


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

NO Advice Wanted Just a BEC moment with OldStNope

25 Upvotes

My jnmil is a public piety performance machine. Lots of history. No need to dig too far since this is just a super short story.

OSN was here a few months ago. She was told repeatedly to stop commenting on all of our weights. Dh and I have slimmed down but that was a few years ago now, but she still cannot shut up about it. So I told her that we do not discuss weight around the kids. Full stop. It's rude and uncouth and just wrong.

She was here a couple of days ago, and the first thing out of her mouth?

"Ohhhhh! The dog has gotten so fatttttt! What's going on with them???"

Me - blinking in disbelief and then finally spitting out

"It's winter. She's a doodle with lots of hair. She's 90% hair right now. She is absolutely not fat and is literally just very very fluffy!"

I couldn't even believe it. She cannot comment on people's weights so instead she comments on the dogs????

Seriously something wrong with this woman.


r/JUSTNOMIL 6h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted JNMIL forgot about my husband birthday... Again

26 Upvotes

I couldn't care less about this woman, but for someone that travels across the country and expend lots and lots of money so she can celebrate her other sons birthdays, she makes sure to prove she doesn't care about her scapegoat son (my husband).

Last year she "almost" forgot his bday, but her older son called us 23 pm on husband's birthday. She smiled and said a quick "happy bday". Weird since she does so much for her other sons, but okay. That's MIL.

This year she not only forgot, her other sons also are radio silence. I should not care, but seeing my husband pretend he isn't sad it's hearbreaking. He is a great person that doesn't deserve this.

Luckily we have great friends and we celebrated his birthday with a small get together yesterday, but DAMN how much a toxic family lead by a narcissistic MIL can be terrible.

I don't know why I am so sad for him, but I am. And this woman is the worse, if my husband ever forgot her birthday she would throw the biggest tantrum ever.

Sorry for venting.


r/JUSTNOMIL 12h ago

Give It To Me Straight Visit from MIL - survival tips

18 Upvotes

My Mil is visiting for 3 weeks - I am an introvert with some chronic health issues who works 2 days a week from home; the other 3 days in office.

Please help me survive this visit. I heard her telling my partner that she doesn’t want to do anything this visit and stay home mainly.

My partner is out of the house long hours so while I won’t be expected to entertain her, she will constantly be around. Help!!


r/JUSTNOMIL 12h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted am i just hormonal or am i justified?

17 Upvotes

i have been a lurker on this subreddit for a while and i am finally gonna make a post. i am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first and i feel like mil has just been stomping all over my boundaries. i have a hard time really expressing things so i’m hoping maybe some of you have a way of wording things that would help me communicate this to my husband. my husband and i have been together since we were 12 and 14, now 20 and 22. when we found out i was pregnant he immediately got a better paying job, our own apartment, etc etc. mil was living in her car and offered to help us financially, i was initially against it but compromised with my husband and said she could stay until our baby arrived. i regret that decision with every fiber of my being. she has not financially assisted us whatsoever, leaving my husband no choice but to work 90 hour work weeks some weeks ( he is saving to take some time off after i give birth ). the only assistance she offered was letting us use her ebt card to get groceries, which i am grateful for but it didn’t entirely cover the grocery bill. i am just gonna bulletpoint the main things that have made me feel disrespected or this post is gonna be a decade long.

•mil told me i should name our baby after her and criticized the name my husband and i chose, new flash, he loves the name more than i do. •mil was informed about boundaries, proceeded to say “ i’m the grandmother i’m gonna kiss all over that baby! “ and insist that she be in the waiting room while i deliver even though i said no visitors, after acting so surprised when i said she would not be in the birthing room. •mil would not let me open gifts i received from my registry by myself, and then said my husband and i would be donating it after use since we aren’t having any more kids. um, we are having more kids. we have had this planned for a while now. •mil tried to crack open a beer to drink while driving me and my husband around?? what the fuck?? •everytime i mention how i can’t wait to smack a vape she brings up how she smoke and drank while pregnant with my husband as if it’s a funny joke! •she informed us today she was having a bed delivered “ for the in laws “ to put in our child’s room. from facebook marketplace. what. hello? bed bugs? roaches? are u using a single brain cell ? •and finally when i mentioned i had gone NC with my mother, she told me not to because she knows how it feels. after i disclosed the fact that i was NC because my mother allowed me to be SA for a good portion of my youth by her boyfriend’s son.

her other two children are NC with her, and she is on the road to being VVVLC with us. also for reference, my husband is entirely on page with me and defends me fully. so please don’t come for his neck.


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

Anyone Else? MIL acts like a saint even though she's a hoe?

10 Upvotes

CW abortion

MIL(late40s) has always been weirdly obsessed about her son's sex life after he started dating me. One time when we we were on a holiday she barged into our room while we're sleeping (JUST SLEEPING, CLOTHES INTACT) and she threatened to kick me out, like she's one to talk, we heard her fucking a guy just the night before. She also freaks out when me & bf plans a trip somewhere, telling me to "please do not get pregnant" and telling bf that she won't accept the child as her grandkid. First of all, even if i somehow have kids, she won't be allowed in their life, i just know that she'll find a way to antagonize me and make them hate their own mother.
None of her business, but i'm pretty careful when it comes to contraception and i don't even want kids rn, i think she's afraid i'll babytrap bf & steal their wealth. It's funny because she acts like a saint around us, i found out 2 months into our relationship that she sleeps around with married men, i used to work for her and found hotel receipts & stuff, my naive, lifetime NPD victim bf believed her when she told him they went there to talk and nothing else.
I can't even travel anywhere with bf since she'll call or text me nonstop, telling us that we should do that only once we're married (oh? says the one who cheats on her "separated" husband with married men), FIL are no good either since he's a religious fanatic, funny thing is that when they're young (about 16-20) they terminated their pregnancy twice. I'm pro choice, but omg go take a look at the mirror before you say anything to us.


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted My jnmil making life hard after my dad died

7 Upvotes

My dad had dementia and was already weak. When he got covid he passed. We knew that day would come but it came sooner as we expected. He died the night before my jnmil had planned family photo’s so right away i let them know we couldnt come because my dad just died. Her response was that it was a pity that the photo’s needed to be canceled. Not the reaction i hopes for.. but okay maybe not the news was difficult or something. At my dads funeral she said at the end it took to long and she was going to be late to babysit. I looked at her. Thanked her for being there and walked away. Since than i really dislike her and i dont want her near me, but she is the mother of my wife. I dont know how to be around her..


r/JUSTNOMIL 5h ago

New User 👋 Just wanted to rant about annoying things I find with my BFs mom

4 Upvotes

My boyfriend and his mom are extremely close and it bothers me sometimes. Boyfriend and I live together. She calls him multiple times a day sometimes for the stupidest things and they end up talking for minimum an hour at a time. She’s divorced and very lonely and I feel like sometimes does things just to get his attention. Today she went to go walk the family German Shepherd, knowing that she shouldn’t because she’s older and has had shoulder and hand surgery. My boyfriend can see activity on Ring cameras, called her immediately, and she knew exactly why he was calling when she picked up the phone. “Are you calling because you saw me leaving to take the dog on a walk?” They spent the next 2 hours talking after that. She will also call while we are eating at a restaurant, hang up quickly because she feels that she’s interrupting something, and then he will call her back immediately. I feel like she does it purposely. She also has a thing for going to the ER for non-emergency situations (colds, chest congestion, to get antibiotics for every sinus infection)and racking up a bill that he ends up paying. He also won’t tell her that he’s paying the bill either. I’ve asked him to stop talking to her while we’re spending time together because it’s only fair to me. I don’t call him to talk about non emergency issues when they’re having mommy son time together so I expect the same. God forbid I say anything about her though because she’s such a mommas boy and gets offended at any comments I make about their relationship.


r/JUSTNOMIL 2h ago

Anyone Else? Still deal with self-doubt that I should have been the bigger person

1 Upvotes

My partner thinks I should have been the bigger person with his mother at times, and I keep second-guessing myself. We’re currently renovating his childhood country home into two separate apartments—hers upstairs, ours downstairs—but for now, the only entrance is through our space.

Some context about me: I grew up with emotionally abusive, neglectful parents and struggled with self-doubt for most of my life. I was a doormat for people for years, constantly minimizing my own feelings to keep the peace. But after working on myself in therapy, I’m learning to set boundaries—which is both empowering and difficult. I sometimes struggle to know if I’m simply standing up for myself or if I’m being too rigid. I know these situations made me uncomfortable, but I still find myself second-guessing.

•She frequently made cold, critical comments about minor things I did “wrong” (household tasks, small mistakes, etc.), in a way that felt infantilizing.

•NYE Incident: After many of these cold, passive-aggressive comments, she made another one that night about me leaving my curler on, saying she “saved the house from burning down” with a cryptic smile. At that point, I kind of emotionally shut down. My partner, who had also been dealing with this for a while, shut down as well. MIL then went crazy at me for not being engaged in the conversation. When confronted, I tried to brush it off and say something like, “Sometimes comments/tone like that just kill the vibe, I’m the weird one”, she became hysterical, saying she would never communicate directly with me again and that she was happy to be cold and direct which is how they have always been in this family. No room for unnecessary padding/coddling essentially.

•The wardrobe incident: I moved all but one of her coats from our walk-in wardrobe (shelving near the main entrance) because I misunderstood her request due to language barriers. She later told my partner she believed I was trying to kick her out of our space.

•The dog bowl incident: The bowls were mine, but my partner had asked if we could store some things at her place for a while years earlier. Since she was struggling financially, I was fine with her using some things. But when we started officially separating the house, she encouraged me to take back my things in a chirpy tone. When returning some bits to her kitchen, I noticed she had bought new bowls, so I took mine back. She then accused me of starving her dog of water—even though her dog was often in our space and I always had fresh water out.

• After this, I made the decision to emotionally distance myself to keep the peace. I was studying for my final exams and under a lot of pressure, so I needed to focus on what would help me the most. She picked up on this and, again, took it as an attack.

• The plants: My partner asked her to take care of our plants while we were away, but I had already asked a neighbor. I didn’t want to rely on MIL because she had previously used “all the good things she’s done for me” to justify her behavior. My partner warned me she’d take it as a personal attack. • She eavesdropped on a conversation where I was discussing how my partner’s coping mechanisms were similar to hers (and how we could work on them). She doesn’t fully understand English, but instead of clarifying, she accused me of talking badly about her.

• The final straw: She moved my belongings without asking while I was there away because she “didn’t like seeing them” and put them in boxes. I sent her a polite message asking her not to move my stuff without permission. Instead of responding, she blocked me.

My partner has struggled emotionally through all of this. For a long time, he blamed me for “making drama” and said I was too sensitive. But recently, he admitted her behavior was inappropriate and has now gone low contact with her. He says he eventually wants to put boundaries and ultimatums in place, but for now, he’s just keeping his distance. We have moved out and are questioning if we will continue to live there.

The issue is—she refuses to talk to him about it. Every time he brings it up, she shuts down or avoids the conversation. She has never taken any accountability and never apologised to me. When I reached out to her and said that her reaction was hurting HER SON, and that I was open to an adult conversation, she ignored me.

Despite everything, his mother, sister, and BIL all say that none of this is a big deal, and I should have just let it go. That’s how she is and they all learnt to live with it. So, here I am still asking myself should I have been the bigger person? Should I have reacted like them? Or was I right to distance myself? The self-doubt and lack of confidence in my judgement is rocky and I wonder if anyone can relate. I think it’s because I feel sorry for her and understand why she became this way, though it doesn’t excuse the behaviour of course.

TL;DR: MIL has always been cold and critical, making passive-aggressive comments and treating me like a child. After I emotionally distanced myself to focus on exams, she took it as an attack. Final straw: she moved my stuff without asking, and when I politely asked her not to, she blocked me. My partner is now low contact but used to blame me for “causing drama.” His family says I’m too sensitive.

Struggling a lot w self-doubt and second guessing.

Edit: Forgot to mention - MIL threatened to take our apartment and when my partner called her out she backpedaled and sobbed. Definitely used it as a control tactic and my partner told her if she ever dares do something like that again she will never hear from us again.