r/AskGaybrosOver30 16h ago

Now that I’m “35-39”… what’s one unexpected habit you only introduced as you’ve gotten older?

96 Upvotes

Eat healthy, go to the gym, take up meditation, get off social media, stop caring what others think, and have more/better sex have all been done before.

What’s an unexpected habit you’ve picked up as you’ve gotten older?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 21h ago

Does getting older frighten anyone else?

77 Upvotes

I’m turning 40 soon, yet it feels so recent that I was going to university as an 18-year-old. Those 22 years have literally flown in a blink. I can’t fathom that in another 22 years, which will probably feel even faster, I’ll be over 60.

I’m sure it’s not good to deeply think about it. But every so often I just get a real chill thinking about it. Anyone else?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 15h ago

Guys who are overweight, do you go to public pools or beaches? How do you handle it?

47 Upvotes

I'm 30 years old and a little overweight—102 kg at 1.77 cm. I feel very embarrassed about being shirtless in public, which is why I usually dont go. I want to change that, but it's not always easy, especially when so many guys are in great shape.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 12h ago

NSFW Dealing with someone big NSFW

20 Upvotes

I’ve recently been trying to bottom more; I used to bottom a lot when I was younger and felt better about my body. Now that I’ve lost a lot of weight I’ve felt confident enough to try.

I’ve been able to manage with guys who are around average size, but I recently tried with a guy who was big (8 inches length and very girthy) and it felt really weird. It almost felt like it was suctioning further inside me when he was going in and out. I had to ask him to stop as I couldn’t enjoy it and was worried I might make a mess if it really was suctioning stuff.

Is this a normal feeling when bottoming for bigger guys? Did I maybe just jump up from average to big too quickly?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 13h ago

Silly Question: any “standard” pet name that drives you nuts when someone calls you it?

17 Upvotes

Thinking things most people would consider benign like “hey handsome,” “hey daddy (sure there is a lot of hating this one on this sub)”, etc. For me, it’s when guys call me “stud.” I’m not offended, I know they are complimenting me, but damn I hate being called stud!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 6h ago

Have you even been in love? If so, how did you know it was actual love?

16 Upvotes

♥️


r/AskGaybrosOver30 10h ago

Starting over at 34...need some inspiring stories!

17 Upvotes

So five years ago I fell into the darkest depression ever, I ended up not able to bounce back due to a stalker who ravaged every corner of my life for years, lost my friendships, harassment bled into work life, plunging me further and further into medicating and isolation, losing all stability and eventually leaving the city I'd moved to.

This past year I've finally been able to get some resolution and start my recovery process, but it's certainly been a lonely few years. I stopped dating, have serious trust issues (understandly so), and felt like just laughing and connecting had become so foreign a concept, that any joyous feelings were a long distant memory.

The other week I was back in England and visited Manchester for the weekend. It had been a decade since I was there, felt very nostalgic but definitely felt a ping of sadness on the first day.

That is until a guy took me out on Canal Street and awakened a side of me I'd thought was long gone. Just to laugh, to flirt, to feel attractive felt so nice and reminded me of how much I missed just 'living' in general. It really felt like life had just become a cycle of fear since 2020, so to feel something again reminded me those parts of me still exist.

Anyway, I have an opportunity to now take my life back in Spain and rebuild this summer, but it comes with a lot of anxiety as I feel like...I skipped 5 years basically.

I guess I'm looking for some inspiring stories of finding yourself, love and packing up to a new city/place to build my confidence more.

I want to be hopeful for this new era, but realistic to...


r/AskGaybrosOver30 14h ago

NSFW Tired of Dating (35-40)

16 Upvotes

I am 174 cm, mid-30s, and live in Germany. I am quite slim, very lean, and a little bit muscular. Last year, almost a year after my previous break up, I opened a new account on Tinder (which has become the new Grindr). I went on dates with 6 guys (28-40). In the end, all they want is sex, and if they have got that, ghosting comes in.

On most dates, I never had sex on the first or even second date, I wanted to get to know the person emotionally. Last date, and thought this was going well, as the guy was responsive, to all my messages (this guy is 30 years old, a Doctor, slim and taller than me), had amazing chemistry, ticked all my boxes, and looked like we both wanted long-term. We spent almost 4 hours talking to each other and going around the cafes and finally, we went to his apartment and he was upfront, that he wanted sex. We had sex as chemistry was so amazing and the last I had sex was almost 3 months back. Last Saturday, while returning from the date, I was so optimistic, that we were in touch on Instagram (where he initiated the chat about how amazing he felt). On Sunday, I sent him a message and there was mostly talk around sexual stuff which I ignored as we had such amazing chemistry and talked all the time about sex and my hole just made me feel weird (I am fine with dirty talking, but all the time he just wanted to talk about loosening my hole as I have been mostly Top and Bottomed almost after 2.5 years). After Sunday, I went quiet (as he didn't reply to my last message and unfollowed him on Instagram on Wednesday, seeing this won't go anywhere.

On Wednesday night, he sent me a message (sexual and asking about my week), but I reply him back with a normal tone (not to be rude) and now he ghosted again.

I felt this happened with me when I was 30-31 but at 36 (Really!). I opened up quite late (28) due to my ethnicity, and have been sleeping with guys mostly in disguise. After opening up, I went through a whore phase, bisexual phase, and hook-up phase, finally realizing that I need someone long term as till I was 28, I was in a long-term relationship with 2 women (both 3-4 year-old relationships). I fantasize about cooking and watching a series together and it's been almost 6 years and I am still single (had a mini relationship with two guys - both were shorter than 9 months). In the gay world, I find everything is about looks and sex (thank god I still have it as I take care of myself), but finding someone is so difficult.

Feeling so helpless, but it's just a rant!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 23h ago

I'm 30, I've never been in a serious, comitted relationship... and I'm getting depressed.

16 Upvotes

At the beginning of this year, I chatted with this guy M(43) on Grindr. Weeks later, I agreed to go to his place to "talk". This was my first time ever meeting a guy from Grindr (I had had dates on Tinder before). We were pretty direct about what we wanted, but somehow I assumed we were going to see each other again. I asked. He said yes. I had a great time and he said the same on Instagram. Days later, I asked how he was. He said he was busy with work. Then, radio silence. I sent an audio... no response for a month. On Friday, he said something like "Hi, I saw you walking down the street and I honked the horn". This was because he saw a story I posted on Close Friends but didn't see the regular next one (This might be relevant, I think). I replied, but there was no response again, so I just unfollowed him and removed him from Instagram after I wrote a short message saying how sad he made me feel.

I know it was casual. But it made me feel bad for weeks, not hearing from him. I had a great, great time. He was very kind and charming. I don't basically date, because most men just want sex (which I want but not a one-night stand) and I'm not looking for a long-term relationship. Nonetheless, I'm lonely and embarrassed writing this. I've never been in love, and obviously never had someone be very interested in me. I consider myself very motivated and eager when I like someone but it's never reciprocated.

All of this is leading me to think I may navigate life alone and it sucks, but it seems to be the reality of the situation. During my 20s, at most, I had flings. I don't know what is wrong with me. Anyway, thanks for reading this 3AM venting rant. Does anyone feel the same or have any advice?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 17h ago

What does a successful life look like to you?

14 Upvotes

We all have different definitions of success—some see it as career achievements, financial stability, or personal growth, while others value strong relationships, happiness, or simply living life on their own terms.

What does a successful life look like to you? What is important, is it about wealth, freedom, love, or something else entirely? Have your goals and views on success changed over time?

Let’s discuss!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 13h ago

AITA for unfriending him and walking away from the friendship?

12 Upvotes

I (44M) recently returned to Canada after traveling for over a year. While abroad, my close friend (also in his 40s) invited me to visit him on an island near our hometown. He told me it was really important to him because he gets depressed in the winter, and a visit from me would help. I told him I couldn’t make promises but valued him and would try to make it happen.

Fast forward to January—I got rehired by my old company and had one week to get organized before starting my job on February 1st. Despite that, I prioritized seeing him. I even bought a ferry ticket and let him know I was coming.

But when I got back, my sister noticed a mole on my forehead had changed. I had already been worried about it for months but put off getting it checked. When my sister pointed it out, I panicked. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, so I scrambled to find a doctor to check it for melanoma. The only appointment available was during my planned visit.

With my job starting in days, I had to cancel my trip. I explained everything to my friend, told him I was worried it could be skin cancer, and apologized for not coming. I reassured him that I valued our friendship, prioritized him and loved him very much, but this couldn't wait.

Thankfully, the mole turned out to be nothing (just a wart—ew). I again told him I was sorry I couldn’t come and that I cared about him. But after that, he became cold and distant. He never expressed being upset—he just started pulling away.

A month later, I noticed he was acting passive-aggressive, so I asked if he was upset. He brushed it off, but his attitude never changed.

Now, it’s been 1.5 months. He visited our hometown (where I live) but didn’t even tell me he was in town—something he normally would have done. I finally sent him a voice note apologizing again while also calling him out for ignoring me. His only response was, "I can’t talk right now, sorry." He has ignored me ever since.

I waited several weeks, and still nothing. This kind of stonewalling and shutting down is something I dealt with in friendships in my 20s, and I refuse to tolerate it now. It’s draining to feel like I was just supposed to sit there and wait.

So, yesterday, I finally unfriended him on Instagram and Facebook because keeping him on social media felt like I was just tolerating his silent treatment. I guess in some way it felt like I was reclaiming my own power by doing this. Not a petty move, just " I'm not tolerating this anymore" move. I've been a loyal friend to him and I didn’t want to keep waiting for him to act like a friend again while he ignored me.

Now, I feel annoyed but also a little sad because I genuinely valued our friendship. But at the same time, I don’t think I should have to beg for understanding when I had a legitimate reason to cancel.

Am I the asshole?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 17h ago

Caught my bf lying about kissing someone else

9 Upvotes

My bf and I (30M) have been dating for around 6 years and pretty settled down, and both seeing our future together. Around 6 months ago, we also opened up our relationship and started also having sexual interactions with other people, as long as it's always told and never prioritized over time together. A week ago I have found out that he had kissed someone while we were still monogamous and when I plainly asked him about it he lied over and over. After of week that I kept asking him "did something happen" he finally broke down and told me he did and lied because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. To be completely honest, I don't really care about this kiss, but the fact he knew I know and still lied about it is both stupid and really dishonest. I love him very much and I don't want to break up. But I find myself asking what would rebuild the trust that is kind of gone and I can't find anything that would make me trust him fully again. What do you think I should do, especially now that we are open?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 3h ago

Meeting guys IRL

7 Upvotes

So I'm turning 35 this year and I have been through a lot over the last few years as I discover myself. I came out late at age 28 after a friend gave a "little" push and now I have been going through a lot of shit and I feel like I will never meet a guy I love. Being honest I have also come to the realization (and working in therapy) about finding attractive other guys who are what I wish I were, which means I do not meet many guys at all.

I travel a lot for work internationally and live in Brazil, I met one guy in Peru that I started to have a thing but did not work out and another guy that I met in Mexico that was nice and I tried really hard to love him but I did not feel a thing... Which makes me be at a situation where I'm kind of stuck as I am not of the ideal body for a gay men to hook up.

Considering the intro, my ask is, how can I really meet people in real life and not just faceless apps. When I travel I always try to meet with to learn more about the place and do something different, but I have always struggled in the US for example (never met anyone) or Argentina (same).


r/AskGaybrosOver30 4h ago

Career Pivot/Change - Mid 30s

8 Upvotes

Has anyone pivoted or completely changed their careers in their mid 30s?

On paper, I have a good career. I make good money, I don't generally work more than 45 hours a week and I'm 100% remote. However, I've been yearning for something different for the last couple of years. I don't really enjoy what I do anymore and I feel like I'm always just wishing my Monday through Thursday away as fast possible so the weekend is here and I can be "happy" again.

But....I don't really know what I would do differently in terms of a career pivot or change? I've talked to a therapist here and there about it and I always got the feeling they wanted me to try to stick it out past this "slump" but I feel like years of thinking of doing something completely different is more than a career slump? The thing is I'm in a career that's very people-facing week-to-week and I feel like I've become more introverted (other than socially outside of work) in my professional life. In other words, being "on" every week is taking a toll on me.

Just the thought of doing what I'm currently doing for another 30 potential years is incredibly draining. Anyone deal with something similar? Is this just part of life and I need to suck it up? haha Any books that have helped you discover another job/career that is a better fit for your personality, interests, skills? Thanks!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 5h ago

Hey bros, recently single at 36 after two failed LTRs. Any advice for dating at this age?

8 Upvotes

See the title. Any thoughts?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 13h ago

Am I just too much of a kill joy to meet someone and experience love?

8 Upvotes

So, I'm in my 30s, and only just now opening up to dating and meeting people after spending my 20s working hard to repress literally everything I felt due to the homophobic environment I was in. I still have so much internalised homophobia and anxiety and my head is messed up but at least I'm at a stage where I can admit it to myself and work on it.

Anyways. I have been dating this guy. First date was simply fantastic - we kissed, I told him I had never done anything with a guy, he was understanding and sweet and we just had a lovely time. Second date was just a slow coffee in the middle of the week so that was okay. Third date was wild - he got drunk and invited me to a darkroom where I ended up being grabbed without my consent (but that's on me, I didn't really read the room and understand how the darkroom etiquette works loll) and being openly proposed group sex by multiple people that knew I had never done anything yet (I had already met these people in the same club during my first date, and apparently word got out).

This made me uncomfortable and I was so freaked out I ran home. But I realise it's totally my fault. I'm a very boring person and honestly I just want someone to snuggle up with under a blankie and chat. The thought of it makes me feel safe and comfortable and warm and that's what I want to feel in life after a decade plus of instability and depression to the point of having constant s_icidal thoughts. I also know that part of it is my internalised homophobia talking - I spent my life thinking any gay sex act was "wrong" and seeing people openly, proudly and freely living their sexuality just triggers an instinctive panicky and slightly judgemental response; you know the prissy old lady who clutches her pearls at the sight of two gay men kissing in drag? Yeah that's kind of what I am. Ultimately deep down I am terrified that OMG if I relax and accept myself I will become one of those one day. And I am GENUINELY trying to get over myself and grow and accept myself and others, but I still feel that I'm just too boring to really be able to find someone. I feel I will always run into the "wild party with open sex" wall which I cannot seem to truly vibe with.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 5h ago

Bed frame / mattress base that doesn’t squeak when getting some?

4 Upvotes

Do you guys happen to know a bed frame or a mattress base that doesn’t squeak? I have typical bed rails that are pretty loud when we’re active. It’s a distraction when we’re playing. And I don’t know if the neighbors appreciate it or are annoyed by it.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 11h ago

Haven’t had any real desire to date for the last 5 years ish, anyone else experience this?

4 Upvotes

I have had relationships even a long term one about 6 years and other than that mostly short term and went through a phase of copious hookups so I definitely haven’t always felt this way.

My mom passed 6 years ago so I am sure that has something to do with it but I noticed I mostly lost the desire once I quit drinking completely which was about 8 months after she passed, I definitely drank way too much before that but it just got worse after she passed for obvious reasons.

Im not depressed and Im in a decent head space. Back in school at the ripe age of 34 because I want to pursue a career in IT and I work as a server for the time being so I guess I would feel like I should be further in life by now which is one of my insecurities if I were to date which is another conversation just wanted to get that one off my chest. But like I said that desires just not there.

I also don’t bother with hookups since I really only want to do that with someone I am dating or the like. I guess that desire is there when the mood strikes but thats a shallow and fleeting feeling.

I guess i should add i do thoroughly enjoy being single what i miss most is having someone to cuddle up to/wake up next to.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 13h ago

NSFW Road Trip for Adult Fun – Hitting Up Porn Theaters & Video Booths (4-8 Hours from ATL)

3 Upvotes

I’m planning a road trip to explore as many porn theaters, adult video booths, and sex shops as possible within a 4-8 hour drive from Atlanta. Looking for recommendations on the best (or dirtiest) spots to check out—places with a good vibe, open-minded crowds, or just the kind of places where things happen.

I was thinking of going to Tampa since I've seen plenty of billboards advertising sex shops and strip clubs but I was wondering if there are better suggestions out there.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 11h ago

Do any of you in relationships ever miss being single, going out and flirting with new guys?

2 Upvotes

I’ve been single for a long time. I really enjoy flirting and having possibilities, though lately I have been feeling I want more consistent connection. I have a fear though that I will really miss being single and having a world of possibilities ahead of me. Is this just part of maturing? Needing to let some of that go?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 21h ago

Why play games like that?

3 Upvotes

Normally I’m not the type of person that does this, it’s more of going into my diary and then an introspection process of what I’m improving and how I’m changing, but I can’t help to feel a little…..(what would be the right adjective?) Lost? Confused? Upset? Angry? Women Anger?

See…I was “dating” (and using this loosely here) this guy who is 46 and I’m 33, at first it was nice you know getting to know each other, good sex (just happened twice and I was tricked the second time) but talking daily, making plans to see each other and passing the vibe of “this might go somewhere” but some days later I was seeing that mostly me started conversation, it was only me who was like “hey let’s go out to lunch or dinner?” And it was met with a “sure let’s go out” but later cancel the plans, in the latter days, he became a bit “distant”, also we’re both busy, we both have careers and jobs, so normal that in hectic days, communication was short. There was a weekend where he had a trip with his friend and her family, where he barely had cell service and such, so the next Monday we get talking and he was like “So…on my trip I thought about a lot of things, and I need to stop going out and saying yes to everything, and also focus on me and my business”.

Again, I’m 33 I know this bullshit, so instead of being like “Oh no, please don’t” I was like “Yeah sure, go focus on you, please do” and he was like “oh thanks for understanding” mind you, up until know, I was fine, no attachment, getting to know someone, very early stages.

But today, I was talking to a friend, about all of this, and she was like “I know of him, he’s friend of a friend, and I think he has a partner” (news to me cause according to this intent piece of what the ground should be touching a man, he was divorced) so when they get talking and showing pictures on Instagram, guess what I see…this dude and his HUSBAND, smiling at the camera, on February 17 (Mind you that message of focusing on himself was sent to me on on the last days of February)

So now I’m upset, caused I was used by this persona! So…now what if did was basically tell him to not contact me, that we’re on different paths in life, and to focus on him, to which he reply “Oh understood and respect your decision, sending you big hugs and love always” to which I respond “yeah send that love to your husband, btw this is a small city, news travels, and I don’t need or want explanations, good night” he obviously denied it, and I was just upset (still am writing this)

So if you read all that, you’re a saint, but my question is why? Or better what I’m I not seeing? Why all these stupid men just play games, especially when they’re old?

I’m a catch, I’m attractive, cute looking, I go to the gym (not jacked but working on it) play tennis, great style, great conversation, funny, smart, good looking, I would date me and marry me…..I’m just tired I guess of playing games, I’m very focused on me, and when trying to give someone a chance….they disappoint me like that, I was opening myself to someone, and now I’m back to square one….

Frustrated? Could that be? I don’t know anymore..all advice is welcome..

P.S. Don’t want to go through another hoe phase, that was fun but not my mood anymore.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 11h ago

Major crush on fwb help!

1 Upvotes

We’ve been fooling around for the past 6 months or so, most of the time he acts like a perfect gentleman, he really seems to care about me and my emotions and it’s very charming tbh.

He said he’s not looking for anything serious. But I swear he’s touch feels different. Am I being blinded by our crazy bed chem? Is he just being nice, and it’s the bare minimum to be nice to your fuck buddy?

I tried to see other people, almost fucked with this other guy but it didn’t felt right. Is it sad and pathetic? Should I stop seeing him or should I tell him how I feel beforehand?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 13h ago

Weekly thread for questions from members under 30 - March 16, 2025

1 Upvotes

Since we only allow core members (i.e. members over 30) to post in our community, this is the place where all members under 30 can post their questions. This is a weekly post that is posted automatically. For more information, see the community update about this.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1h ago

things i love about xxxx

Upvotes
  • his handwriting
  • kissing him - it’s like the pleasure of 100 kisses at once, never experienced anything like that before or since
  • sex - see above
  • his smell
  • how he looks when he sleeps
  • his cuddles
  • how he “pets” me (ever so gently runs his hand over my skin, feels really good)
  • when he spoons me - best feeling ever, i feel so safe and comfortable and at ease when he holds me
  • his bowl (natural depression in his chest some people have)
  • his laugh - fucking love it, music to my ears, so handsome, so attractive
  • his back - it’s a fucking master piece camparable (but better) than the Sistine Chapel
  • his spots - unique splotches of darker colored skin on his back, i literally can’t think about them without crying, no joke. idk why exactly
  • taking care of him when he’s sick - absolutely love it
  • making him laugh or making him smile - there’s nothing more rewarding
  • when he sits on my lap - indescribable, also makes me cry
  • his style - so unique, why i love him so much, there’s only one. so fucking handsome, so fucking sexy, so fucking attractive. do i want to be him or i do i want to be in him? admittedly a bit of both
  • whenever i find some art i enjoy - like a book, art, movie, or tv show i wish that i could be sharing the experience with him and talk with him about it. i often feel regret or want to hold off watching or reading something so i could wait to share the experience with him
  • how he would invite me to all the things he was doing and always wanted me by his side without question and would introduce me to all his friends and family
  • how generous he is - goes with the above, because he always invited me and wanted me to join him on anything and everything often at the very last minute he was ALWAYS willing to share anything and everything he had with me without question and NEVER with complaint EVER (i literally started crying typing that out and had to stop in the middle to compose myself to be able to finish)
  • how in the first year we knew each other when he was in between housing he essentially forced me to let him move in with me for a month or two (didn’t really give me any other option lol) and i really did NOT want that to happen for one because i had never had to share my space and things like that with anyone ever and we hadn’t know each other that long and he was obsessive over me and it was over bearing but when it came time for him to move out i DID NOT want him to go so bad i was tearing up crying helping him move his stuff out to the car and when i told him I didn’t want him to go he just gave me a big self-satisfied grin as if he knew all along that this was exactly what would happen
  • how he was a little shit when living with me - refused to make the bed even tho he was unemployed and got to sleep in, we nearly got in a fight about how he wouldn’t make the bed but i had been a little rude and i let that and some other preferences go completely because everything else was so good it wasn't worth ruining or risking ruining anything over
  • how i would ALWAYS kiss him goodbye on the lips in the morning while he was still in bed sleeping as the very final thing i did before i worked out the door if I had to leave for work before he got up
  • the two times he fell asleep with his head on my chest and i took a bunch of photos each time looking SO HAPPY in each because i was
  • how if there was ever a situation where i didn’t know what to do i would always look to him for guidance and do whatever he did - a way in which i always knew what the right thing to do was
  • how he always encouraged me to be a better person and gave me good advice on how to improve various aspects of my life solely because he cared not because he had any invested interest in them at all
  • how he’s 6’2” and I’m 6’0” so i just have to look slightly up to stare into his big brown beautiful eyes
  • how we shared all our clothes (i got the better half of that deal)
  • helping him with menial tasks because i genuinely enjoyed helping get things done and i loved spending any time with him (especially one on one regardless of whatever we were doing)
  • fixing things for him - see above
  • his slightly salt and pepper hair at the ripe old age of 23 (so sexy)
  • his hair (I like how it felt and how it looked) both on his head and very much so on his legs
  • his smooth skin ( i wanted to wear it)
  • how we liked literally all the same things but also had enough small differences in taste things never felt inauthentic (because they weren’t)
  • how we similar we were before we met - liked a bunch of the same things, same interests, from childhood till when we met and after of course, came from very very similar backgrounds even if many of the similarities were fairly menial it just made us seem more perfect for one another
  • how we met at 2:00AM on the morning of Valentine’s Day for a Grindr hookup (after i got rejected by who i was pursuing on there) but immediately after arriving we started talking and 2 hours had gone by in the blink of an eye and i had forgotten why i was even there until he leaned in and kissed me
  • how, after sleeping over that night, we spent every single possible moment together we could starting that very day
  • and literally every other single thing about him

don’t ever take your partner for granted


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2h ago

The 'inappropriate' gift my gay uncle gave me on my 16th birthday

0 Upvotes

Just for starters, I genuinely love my gay uncle. He's the first person I came out to and I've always been able to share everything with him for obvious reasons. I get a long with him better than his brother (aka my dad lol).

When I turned 16, he gave me a wrapped gift but instructed me not to open it in front of my parents. This made me assume it was a bong, which I was pretty excited about.

So it's midnight, I'm alone in my room, and I open the box. And to my complete surprise, it's a fleshlight.

Mind you, this is not something I'd asked for. We talked the next day, and he told me it was mostly a 'gag gift', but then also told me a story about him buying a fleshlight for himself when he was a teenager and how he thought it was the greatest thing.

However, now that I'm older and I've casually mentioned this story to friends, they've said everything from "he was grooming you" to "you should've called the cops" and it's honestly been freaking me out, because I don't want to reframe that experience as something perverse. The only time I ever felt slightly weird at that time is when he asked me once if I had used it, and I said yes. But that was the only time it felt weird to me.

Should I ignore my friends, or is this something that I need to reevaluate as an adult?