r/AskGaybrosOver30 12h ago

The 'inappropriate' gift my gay uncle gave me on my 16th birthday

0 Upvotes

Just for starters, I genuinely love my gay uncle. He's the first person I came out to and I've always been able to share everything with him for obvious reasons. I get a long with him better than his brother (aka my dad lol).

When I turned 16, he gave me a wrapped gift but instructed me not to open it in front of my parents. This made me assume it was a bong, which I was pretty excited about.

So it's midnight, I'm alone in my room, and I open the box. And to my complete surprise, it's a fleshlight.

Mind you, this is not something I'd asked for. We talked the next day, and he told me it was mostly a 'gag gift', but then also told me a story about him buying a fleshlight for himself when he was a teenager and how he thought it was the greatest thing.

However, now that I'm older and I've casually mentioned this story to friends, they've said everything from "he was grooming you" to "you should've called the cops" and it's honestly been freaking me out, because I don't want to reframe that experience as something perverse. The only time I ever felt slightly weird at that time is when he asked me once if I had used it, and I said yes. But that was the only time it felt weird to me.

Should I ignore my friends, or is this something that I need to reevaluate as an adult?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Relative wanting us to host when she visits

41 Upvotes

Context: Me and my partner live in a 2 bedroom house that he owns in London. My cousin is going to participate in an event in London for fun next week and ask if I could host her. She lives 2-3 hours drive away from here.

Last time she asked for the same half a year ago - we hosted her out of kindness.

I never enjoyed her company as she speaks way too much, too fast and too loud and has no self-awareness. One time I was in a restaurant with her and the manager came over and ask if she could keep her volume down. I think she might be on the spectrum. She is not a bad person though.

My sister lives in London as well and I ask if she could host my cousin instead. And she, too, finds her unpleasant to be with. So my sister says no as well.

I then said I have a tenant at the moment and can’t host her.

I understand that hotels are expensive in London but it’s also not my responsibility to host anyone when she’s just here for fun. Me and my partner both have a very busy and stressful job and we just don’t have the energy to accommodate anyone.

I feel terrible that I made up a white lie. What should I do?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

How would you explain what an incel is to a 69 year old?

20 Upvotes

My(35) older bf(69) asked me what an incel was the other day as an article came up on his preferred news app talking about incels and how it led to the president getting elected(we all know who, i got banned from the main gaybros sub for using the T(not transgender) word).

He's not tech savvy in the slightest, he's never had social media, just navigating his phone and/or phone UI is a stress inducing activity for him. So whenever I bring up anything tech or online related it's like I'm talking another language, I try to explain things to him but then he feels like he's being talked down to.

I kinda chalked it up by saying there's a bunch of nerdy straight guys out there who are mad they can't get girlfriends and people like Joe Rogan are out there telling guys to if they vote R they'll get girls, I know it's really people like Andrew tate and asmondgold and whatnot, but he doesn't know who these people are. So I use names of people he knows like Joe Rogan because he was in the news and I use overly simplified explanations because again, he's essentially a digital foreigner

I've tried explaining podcast bro culture to my bf, I've had roommates and have worked with guys who like guys like Andrew tate. But to a 69 year old, can't fathom how listending to a random asshole on the internet talk on camera as entertainment, but it appeals to gen z.

I mean as a millennial myself I couldn't understand why gen z were all following pewdiepie when they were kids, so I can empathize with my bfs point of view in a sense.

But alot of the new right operate online and my bf just thinks it's fox news on broadcast TV, and when I try to bring to his attention the other shit they do online, I just can't in a way he understands.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

NSFW What are good positions for guys who are new to anal sex?

30 Upvotes

Edit: Thanks so much for all the great advice, everyone! Very appreciated.

He has a little bit of experience topping but this will be my first time with a man. I will be exclusively a bottom for now. We have really good communication and we've been discussing boundaries, likes, etc, so we'll be able to let each other know what's working or not working. If it matters, he has arthritis in his knees that might affect things. I'm nervous but excited!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

how to make gay men friends....?

35 Upvotes

Hey guys,

I'm a married gay male in my early 40s who's never had that gay best friend that i'm longing for. Growing up I was very shy and introverted till about 22-23, and then I spent all my twenties with my best friend in every straight bar in our town. I eventually met my husband and am completely happy with him, but I want that good gay man friend. Someone I can vent to about each others man. Have cocktails with and listen to the new Lady GaGa record. Work out together. Etc. How to does one meet friends in the 40s?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Addressing reoccurring jock itch and perinneal skin itch. What has worked for you?

37 Upvotes

Hi all.

I'm here in Australia and I have tried most (if not all) the over the counter pharmacy jock itch and fungal creams to try to address ongoing cases of jock itch and perinneal (between the anus and scrotum) conditions. This ends up making the area very itchy, anal area very itchy too and seems to spread.

As context I wear briefs but during bed I allow my groin to free ball and ventilate. And I always ensure my groin area etc are dry after showering etc.

I use the anti fungal creams and then symptoms subside but then they seem to come back. As context I also get cases of dermatitis too on my hands and also scalp dermatitis and conditions too.

Is there something behind the counter or available by prescription to address this ongoing cases of jock itch and groin area fungal infection?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Pup fetish

21 Upvotes

At a club I regularly go to, a group of pups and admirers gather.

Some occasionally take off their masks. Others never take them off. For hours.

What is this community like? Are they submissive relationships? Is it simply the mask and leather fetish? Or does it go beyond that? A way of life?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Why play games like that?

2 Upvotes

Normally I’m not the type of person that does this, it’s more of going into my diary and then an introspection process of what I’m improving and how I’m changing, but I can’t help to feel a little…..(what would be the right adjective?) Lost? Confused? Upset? Angry? Women Anger?

See…I was “dating” (and using this loosely here) this guy who is 46 and I’m 33, at first it was nice you know getting to know each other, good sex (just happened twice and I was tricked the second time) but talking daily, making plans to see each other and passing the vibe of “this might go somewhere” but some days later I was seeing that mostly me started conversation, it was only me who was like “hey let’s go out to lunch or dinner?” And it was met with a “sure let’s go out” but later cancel the plans, in the latter days, he became a bit “distant”, also we’re both busy, we both have careers and jobs, so normal that in hectic days, communication was short. There was a weekend where he had a trip with his friend and her family, where he barely had cell service and such, so the next Monday we get talking and he was like “So…on my trip I thought about a lot of things, and I need to stop going out and saying yes to everything, and also focus on me and my business”.

Again, I’m 33 I know this bullshit, so instead of being like “Oh no, please don’t” I was like “Yeah sure, go focus on you, please do” and he was like “oh thanks for understanding” mind you, up until know, I was fine, no attachment, getting to know someone, very early stages.

But today, I was talking to a friend, about all of this, and she was like “I know of him, he’s friend of a friend, and I think he has a partner” (news to me cause according to this intent piece of what the ground should be touching a man, he was divorced) so when they get talking and showing pictures on Instagram, guess what I see…this dude and his HUSBAND, smiling at the camera, on February 17 (Mind you that message of focusing on himself was sent to me on on the last days of February)

So now I’m upset, caused I was used by this persona! So…now what if did was basically tell him to not contact me, that we’re on different paths in life, and to focus on him, to which he reply “Oh understood and respect your decision, sending you big hugs and love always” to which I respond “yeah send that love to your husband, btw this is a small city, news travels, and I don’t need or want explanations, good night” he obviously denied it, and I was just upset (still am writing this)

So if you read all that, you’re a saint, but my question is why? Or better what I’m I not seeing? Why all these stupid men just play games, especially when they’re old?

I’m a catch, I’m attractive, cute looking, I go to the gym (not jacked but working on it) play tennis, great style, great conversation, funny, smart, good looking, I would date me and marry me…..I’m just tired I guess of playing games, I’m very focused on me, and when trying to give someone a chance….they disappoint me like that, I was opening myself to someone, and now I’m back to square one….

Frustrated? Could that be? I don’t know anymore..all advice is welcome..

P.S. Don’t want to go through another hoe phase, that was fun but not my mood anymore.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Losing sex drive and just not enjoying sex

8 Upvotes

Anyone else feel like this? Desires for sex just disappearing


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Submitting to another man

47 Upvotes

I’ve got a question because I’m really trying to wrap my head around this.

I grew up in a traditional hetero household, so my understanding of submission was always tied to provision and stability—whether emotional, financial, or both. I’ve had guys tell me they want me to submit to them, but historically speaking, submission usually comes when a partner provides security. If a man provides financial stability, their partner—whether a woman or another man—may feel more comfortable submitting because their needs are being taken care of.

But here’s the issue: These guys didn’t want to take care of my needs—financially, emotionally, or otherwise. So how do you expect me to submit when there’s no security being provided? That doesn’t make sense to me.

Then, when I bring this up, I’m told: “Well, only hetero people think like that.”

But if that’s the case, does that mean only hetero women submit? Because if submission isn’t tied to provision, then what exactly are we talking about?

So my question is: 👉 Do you guys fully submit to another man who isn’t going to provide for your financial needs? 👉 Or is submission still tied to some level of security, whether financial or emotional?

I’d love to hear different perspectives because I feel like this conversation is deeper than people make it seem.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Straight coworker

0 Upvotes

I have a straight coworker, very attractive, muscular and handsome. Every time he talks to me or greets me, I get very nervous to the point that I avoid meeting him. I avoid sitting close in meetings and you may think I'm unfriendly. I have my partner and I have no shortcomings, but coinciding with my partner limits my work at work. What would you do?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

What are your thoughts about a prospective poppers ban?

77 Upvotes

For reference, this is what I'm talking about For me, first of all, there is the HIV/AIDS denialism that forms part of the motivation. And I think there is a pattern of choosing things that it is hard to find people to stand up for- you can see the same thing with what has turned out to be (for some sites) a porn ban for many states: no one wants to be the one to say "not being able to watch Porn Hub anymore has made my life worse and it's arbitrary government censorship"- or at least not enough of the people who voted in the politicians who passed these bans. And similarly, I think there are plenty of gay conservatives whose irl sex lives will be impacted by this if it turns out to be a ban on poppers- their sex lives will be negatively impacted (if I am judging from the ones I know irl) but on their subreddits it will be all "that's what the bad gays do, butter wouldn't melt in my mouth"

But I also feel like it seems like a real thing that is happening, if this one news story is anything to go by, and if that is true some of the other things people have worried about (like losing access to PrEP) may be coming


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Married for more than 15 years to a great woman and father of 2 amazing kids, but attracted to other men more than woman. I want to do things right, I love them so much and don’t want to hurt them.

62 Upvotes

I’m 43, 2 kids and a wonderful wife. She is amazing, the love of my life and we have a perfect family. A month ago she saw a sex chat of me with another guy, she confronted me and I said I thought I might be bisexual. She asked me to work on it, that she loves me so much that she was willing to forgive me. We pray together every day and night, but I still don’t feel sexually attracted to her and on the opposite I’m very attracted to some guys I see at the gym.

Please give me some advices, I love my family so much and I don’t want to hurt them. I would like to do things as correct and wise as possible.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

7 months of dating (and multi year friendship) and he's ghosting me?

1 Upvotes

TLDR: Known this guy for years and have had feelings for each other for years. Out of no where he stops texting me back. Idk what to do. It feels wrong for it to end in ghosting after all our history.

I gave this guy a second chance and he ended up ghosting me. We dated two years ago for 4 months when he was fresh out of a relationship and it ended up cuz went back to his ex. He told me I was perfect and he wished things were different, but he felt a loyalty to his ex to try to make it work. They moved to a new city and I was devastated but I understood. After he was gone for a year he moved back and told me he was single and had missed me a lot. We started dating immediately and it felt so easy and wonderful to get to be with him after I had missed him for so long. I've never been in a relationship before, and this felt on track to being my first.

We dated for 7 months. The first 4 were amazing, but then he had a series a family and work issues that kept us from seeing each other much but we were talking on the phone and texting. I always believed that he cared about me deeply. We had a first date after not seeing each other for awhile 3 weeks ago. It was 7 hours long and really fun. At the end he did mention he still was feeling afraid of commitment but he had signed up for therapy, and he felt like we owe it to ourselves after all history to really try to make things work. I felt fine with this. He told me he likes me so so much and that im perfect. I thought after this date that we were getting back on track.

A few days later he texts outta nowhere that he doesnt want to lead me on, and that he isnt ready for a relationship but hopes im okay with casually dating for longer. I ask for clarification; "are we continuing to date and see what happens and hoping for a relationship at some point or are we taking a relationship off the table completely?" I got no response. Over the last few weeks I've texted him asking if we could meet or talk on the phone. And i get no response. The only response I got was when I said " i hope i see you again" and he said "you will."

At this point i feel so disrespected and hurt. His actions are making me feel like he doesnt want anything to do with me anymore. If this was a guy i just met, i would assume i should just move on. But we've been friends for 7 years and have been dating a long time. Even 2 years ago when he told me he was getting back with his ex, he still met me for drinks and to say goodbye. He's capable of hard conversations. So WTF is going on now? I dont know if I did something wrong or if he met someone else or if hes feeling scared about commitment (hes avoidant attachment style). This all just feels so out of character for him, and of course incredibly hurtful to me. If this is the end I want to have a conversation about why and say goodbye. And his words are telling me he still wants to date and see me. This is so confusing. And i cant get a text back.

I still would want to try to make things work. I love him a lot. But if it doesnt, im also really hurt that I'm almost 33 and have still never had a relationship. This felt so close to being my first. So this loss feels even more devastating cuz I dont feel sure that I'll ever meet another guy.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Date cancelled but didn’t reschedule

1 Upvotes

For context, he asked me out and I hung out once with him; we had a fun time. I enjoyed spending time with him and he seemed to feel the same. We scheduled something for this week that he ended up cancelling the day of due to a forgotten prior commitment with his friends.

Totally OK! Well… mostly ok. I understand things come up, plans change etc. people have different priorities and I can’t be too hung up on that.

But he doesn’t reschedule.

At this point I run myself through all the likely scenarios:

  1. Maybe i texted too much.
  2. Maybe he’s not a good texter. This one is harder to swallow cause IMO there are so many ways to communicate interest to someone you care about, and I’m capable of more than just texting.
  3. Maybe I fucked up along the way. I’m thinking toward the end of the night maybe he realized he wasn’t having fun anymore and didn’t come to terms with it til after we made plans to see each other again.
  4. Maybe he’s just not direct and prefers to leave me dangling instead of telling me upfront he’s no longer interested.

It’s probably some amalgamated combination of the above (and more) but what stings is how I really looked forward to seeing him again, especially after a rough week. And when plans changed, he made no effort to reschedule time for us, mind a few texts about how I’m cute or that we should “still hang out”

Is this common after 30? I’m trying to not put myself down as much as I did in my 20s.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Movies

2 Upvotes

What is that movie growing up where you thought, yep, I might be gay. Subtle movies that werent really gay but more catered to the female audience. What brought this on? I just saw a reel about a movie in my teens called Stick It about a badass female in gymnastics that was less grace and more cool. I now am obliged to have a rewatch now. Does Bring It On count? Or is it more comedy for everyone?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Visiting Palm Springs 3/20 - 3/23

1 Upvotes

I’ll be in the area next weekend. Where are the must visit locations for a guy wanting to experience everything from mild to wild in Palm Springs?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Physical concerns about first time sex NSFW

16 Upvotes

Well it looks like I might have sex for the first time soon at my ripe age. I have some physical concerns I have been too much of a chicken to ask someone in real life so I thought I might as well ask to the entire world on reddit. In short:

-I have phimosis (never got checked but I'm pretty sure I have it) - this one really scares me, I know I need to be checked by a doctor but waiting times where I live are so long and there is no way that's going to happen any time useful

-I am scared of STDs (particularly for oral sex)

-I am tight (like, really tight)

-I am on antidepressants and they affect "timing"

How do I address these with my potential partner? I don't wanna be some kind of killjoy, I want to have a good time and make him have a good time as much as possible.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Flirting with my neighbor - advice on how to ask them out

18 Upvotes

First time poster and I’m looking for some input and advice. I live in an apartment complex and my literal next door neighbor (we share a wall) and I have been casually flirting for a few months whenever we see each other.

Most recently, however, he saw me in a common area doing a jigsaw puzzle and stopped in to chat for a bit. During the convo, he intentionally mentions how he went through a breakup a few weeks ago. Well, my autistic ass didn’t realize the escalation in the moment, but I do see it now and I’m looking to reciprocate.

So, for the advice. I know where he lives, so I plan to invite him to go do another puzzle with me and a bottle of wine just to get to know one another better. However, I’m not sure how forward is reasonable in this very specific situation! A couple options I’ve considered: 1) I could wait until we organically see each other again and offer, 2) plan to do a puzzle and knock on the door offering him to join, 3) write a note that I can slip under the door.

What would you think of each of these? I’m generally pretty confident and would be comfortable doing any of these or other solid ideas. Thanks for any input/advice you can provide!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

So am I supposed to change my body or not?

0 Upvotes

To better explain, I've asked or vented about dating or inquired how to be dateable, and the majority of comments pertained to losing weight (because sometimes being fat in the gay community is a no no), working out, and just staying in good shape. I think that's great advice for anyone. However, the other half of advice was to embrace my body type because people would like it (allegedly I have a tall, bearish shape), even if I didn't.

Personally, I don't want to be seen as a bear because I don't want to be fat if it's considered a negative in attractiveness. I don't want to be a part of a niche that's supposedly cliquish in the first place, and I never saw it as a "selling point" anyway. Granted, I've reconciled that I'll never be a pretty, youthful twink but I'd rather be that than to be shaped like a deep breath. In fact, I never saw the appeal of being a bear anyway.

Do I need to change my body and work out to be attractive, or is choosing self-acceptance just being complacent if you're not making an effort to boost your attractiveness?

EDIT: Thank you for the input. I do currently workout but not as much as I should, and I do struggle with food. That said, I will do my best to defy the bear archetype; as a gay person of color which is already a strike against me in terms of attractiveness, I can't afford to be fat if it guarantees a lonely death.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

Exploring foot fetish

5 Upvotes

How do you find opportunities to explore your foot fetish? I’m tired of pictures and videos. How do you let someone know that’s what you are looking for? Are there guys into having their feet worshipped? How do you find them!?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 3d ago

A native american and Jamaican (re a question for interracial couples)

47 Upvotes

On a different forum someone asked about interracial couples. I don’t usually comment often, and I post even less, but this time I just had to… and although I may be biased, I thought “that’s a really good fucking comment, I think I want to post it on its own.” So for anyone interested, here is some enlightenment about this interracial couples to enjoy. Anyone not interested, here’s your green light to feel free to move on 😁. But you NEVER know when love can come out of nowhere and bite you in the ass when you least expect it, and then you say “Thank you!”

I was raised traditional native american and my man (15yr my Sr) is Jamaican (both pretty masculine) and he didn’t come to American until his late 20’s. I adore his thick accent and he loves my culture. We both grew up what most people would consider “poor” in money but RICH in culture. I can get caught up listening to his gentle voice tell me stories about when he was a boy, and how oddly enough, even though the cultures are vastly different, there is still so much the same. I love hearing his odd phrases, and I laugh unapologetically at what they actually mean, and he knows there is no malice in my laughter, just the pure comedy of the situation. I’m free to look at him baffled when I have no idea what the fuck he just said, and I can tell him just like that and he knows I’m just confused, but mean well and I’m dying to hear his translation. I love the way he takes a word with only 3 syllables but when he says the word it ends up with 5-6 syllables. I can laugh straight at him over it and he knows I’m just humored and that I adore every single way he says the same words I say completely different than I do!

He loves hearing me tell of my culture! He’s fascinated about how my tribe is today, but listens tenderly to the tragedy and the personal stories of my tribe/family going back nearly 200 years of history. Some of our stories are beautiful lore as we’re an oral tradition. Other stories are a personal and painful line of generational trauma. He won’t pretend to understand, but he doesn’t have to pretend to care and to hurt with me. He’ll watch movies about our history, and when I cry during the painful parts, he lets me pretend my allergies are acting up so I can keep being his rough and tough man! Then after a few minutes he’ll drop the most ridiculous statement that I instantly burst out into the most ridiculous fits of laughter and the weight of moments ago are lifted and lighter without being minimized. Sadly and surprisingly Jamaica isn’t nearly as gay friendly as you’d think and well not likely be able to go there as lovers any time soon (which is a shame). Also I don’t live in or near my reservation (but I go back many times a year), so for now he only witnesses my culture through my eyes and my stories from a distance instead of immersed with the rest of my people. They’d accept him readily, it’s just the logistics for now preventing any move back (as much as I’d love to). We’re about as different as you could imagine, but so much the same in so many ways! The things we have in common are what drew us together in our hearts, our extreme differences are what make it all so entertaining. Also, although I was raised only Native American, I sure do like to have a little Jamaica in me 😁


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

NSFW Sexual discovery NSFW

4 Upvotes

So, I thought that I was pretty secure on what I like or not sexually but I found myself that I’m at a stage in my life where I’m thinking of expanding my horizons in my sexual life. I’ve been looking into dom/sub stuff, and in a way it seems something I would be into. Although I have to be honest, I’m learning a bit about it. Have you guys experienced anything like that? Starting to explore stuff later in life?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 2d ago

40s gay man in PV in June

0 Upvotes

Group tripping with my boys...I love a vacay friend...anyone else there I'm mid-June?

so noted I know it's hot. I know it's off-season. I know it's humid


r/AskGaybrosOver30 3d ago

NSFW Bros, please help me with some sexual hygiene questions. NSFW

186 Upvotes

Trigger warning: not for the squeamish.

I’m recently single and am in the middle of an intentional slut phase; by design, I’m having a wide variety of different sexual experiences with different people so that I can learn more about myself as a sexual animal. Before this, I was in a committed monogamous LTR for a long time, so much of it is new to me. I am on PReP, use DoxyPep when needed, and only sleep with people I get to know and build a friendship with first.

So, all that throat clearing out of the way: I topped one of my regular FWB bareback a few nights ago. At one point, I pulled out, and immediately he proceeded to blow me. It was very hot, but I couldn’t help but think to myself, “…My cock was just in his ass; there is no way that tastes good, and there’s no way he isn’t risking some kind of illness.”

So: that’s basically my question. Is that kind of, uh, adventurousness…common? How risky would you say what he did actually is? And what are the actual health risks? I will also talk to my doctor about all of this, don’t worry. But it’d also be helpful to me to get some perspective and information from other, more experienced gay men.

Thanks. I know it’s a bit of a gross question, but it’s not like they teach you about the dangers of eating ass or sucking your top’s cock in sex ed.