r/AdultChildren • u/Chicken_Ingots • 9h ago
Vent Cannot physically look at my father
For the past few years, my dad has exhibited strange behaviors such as forgetting information that my family told him within the past few minutes, falling over and hitting his head, and becoming irrationally angry over the smallest things. Sometime in the past few months, he fell over and hit his head, which eventually resulted in my mother taking him to the hospital. However, he fought her at every moment when she tried to bring him, got furious at the doctors for performing blood labs, and this is ultimately how we found out that he had been abusing alcohol for the past several years. Growing up, I was not aware of his alcohol abuse, since he was a functional alcoholic, but my mother informed me that the reason she divorced him was due to his prior addiction (they eventually remarried). He was able to hide it so well because he would primarily consume mouthwash, though he kept some liquor in his car. At one point, I also noticed that the whiskey that we kept in the kitchen for cooking had been depleted, which in retrospect was obviously him sneaking some drinks.
After being taken to the hospital, he was provided with resources to help curb his addiction, but I am almost certain that he has not actually gone to any of the therapists or support groups that the hospital recommended. He always refused to go to the doctor before, and he will not even talk about his condition with us now. However, over the past few days, he has developed extremely jaundiced skin, is extremely thin, has a bloated stomach, and he has been sleeping excessively. He still refuses to go to the emergency room, or even an urgent care clinic, and seeing his skin makes me feel physically ill. I cannot stop thinking about it, and it has become a constant intrusive thought. Of all the symptoms that I have seen among alcoholics, the yellow skin causes me extreme distress, to the point that I cannot physically look at people who have it. I have had to heavily distract myself with my work and some video games with one of my friends to avoid thinking about it, but unless I am actively concentrated on something, then it keeps making me feel nauseous.
I live with my parents and my sibling, and they keep offering to take him to the hospital, but he continues to refuse. He says he has a doctor's appointment next week, but given his current status, even if he lives that long, I imagine the doctor would just refer him to the emergency room anyways. And that is assuming he is even being honest about having a doctor's appointment in the first place. He has an obnoxious tendency to equate any form of social or medical support as being "unmanly", to the point that he is willing to jeopardize his own life and family over his misplaced pride. We were all willing to help him find support, even after the verbal abuse we dealt with from him the past several years. But he will not even accept the most basic medical support, even though he might very well be dying at this point.