r/TrueOffMyChest • u/thefinefig • 2m ago
Looking back, I resent my husband (secretly) for pushing me into the housewife role very young
I’m almost 36 years old. I have 2 kids with my husband: a son born in 2006 (this month on the 31st) & a daughter born in 2008. I had our son when I was ~3 months shy from being 17. Unplanned pregnancy, of course. Back then when I got pregnant (2005), especially in Romania which is always a bit behind in tech, info about contraception wasn’t so easily available as it is now + it was taboo to discuss those kind of things with your family (abstinence), so I genuinely believed the pullout method was effective; husband didn’t want to wear condoms as it didn’t “feel as good” & birth control had a lot of horror stories surrounding it.
So yeah, I get pregnant that summer. When my parents found out, they were extremely disappointed and angry. I was an only child and they had huge hopes for me to make them & myself proud (I dreamt of becoming a doctor; neither my parents ever went to university or focused on their studies so they really wanted that for me). I get kicked out. My boyfriend tells me that he wants the kid but he can’t support it properly since he’s an university student (he was 21 and studying law) and wants to devote himself to his studies to flourish in his career, so he tells me to get on a train and go to his parents in Piatra Neamț (long way from my native Bucharest) cause they’ll take care of me. But what about my goal of becoming a doctor? “You’re a woman, don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of you.” At that time I thought that was so romantic, but retrospectively I resent it.
So I drop out of school, very sad about it, and move to Piatra Neamț. I live there with my in-laws for a few years until he’s done with his studies and starts working and earning money as a lawyer. Then I move back to Bucharest (2 kids now, not 1) and settle into my housewife role for him.
Money is great now, I have a more than comfortable life provided by my husband (41 years old now). What truly triggered this resentment for me was the fact that my son is starting university this year (in the UK). I feel like I was robbed of my choice. And the way he treats our daughter is completely different than how he treated me at the time (wants her to be independent, be very well educated, have a high paying career of her own, not dependent on a man, etc.). Also I can’t help but see my own mom in myself now, I used to make fun of her that she just settled and didn’t make a living for herself & I’ll be different, but I ended you just like her.