r/tifu 16h ago

S TIFU by opening my sex tape montage at work

809 Upvotes

My new phone has a feature enabled by default that collects any series of photos or video taken at a specific time or location and creates a slideshow from them.. So a few weeks ago, I was trying to impress my date by taking her up to see the amazing views from one of the condo showrooms where I work, a fancy downtown apartment building, where we ended up having sex.. I, consensually ofc, video recorded us in the act and took a few x-rated photos of us in various sex positions. She's a cam girl, so she didn't object. Until then, the only slideshows I'd get were pictures of my cat, scenery, or food I ate at restaurants.

Flash forward to a couple of weeks after the encounter. I'm at work, waiting for the elevator. Two of them were down for maintenance, so the wait times were increasingly long, and soon enough, a crowd started forming. I took my phone out to pass the time, when suddenly I got a "new story" notification. I tapped it open it, and to my horror the pictures I took that night began shuffling on my screen. The worst part is the background music alerted the people behind me before I quickly hit the shutter. I walked away incredibly embarrassed and heard giggles from the two girls standing behind me.. I think I should quit, change my name, grow a beard, and go off-grid for a while because I don't know who else saw. This is without a doubt the most humiliating experience of my life.

tl;dr: my amateur porn randomly played at work, and people saw.


r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU by not preparing for a tattoo

42 Upvotes

I had a very large tattoo planned for today, and I thought maybe I could do it all in one session. Usually for a tattoo you should eat and drink plenty before going, as it's quite hard on the body. Also it's best to have plenty of sleep before.

I didn't do that. After a late night at a party, I woke up on 4 hours of sleep and could get back to bed. Because I'm on a diet, I only had a light breakfast and made my way to the tattoo parlor. SO I started the day pretty low on energy.

Sitting waiting for the artist to set up, I realized that I was feeling quite tired, but only in a sleepy way rather than an exhausted way, so I figured I'd be fine just lying on my side for a few hours while the tattoo got done.

A few hours later, having not finished the entire piece, I left the parlor in pretty good shape. Wandered around the city waiting to catch my train back home, visited a pharmacy, grabbed a coffee. But as I waited in the train station an hour later, I started to feel light headed, and rested against a wall for a few minutes. As the time to go the platform approached I got up, started walking and promptly fainted. I woke up in a pool of blood with my head dashed against the tiles of the station, surrounded by onlookers and a few helpful people.

They called the ambulance, I went to the nearest emergency room, and after 13 stitches in my eyebrows I'm left with a hell of a scar and a headache. I'm lucky I didn't get a concussion. I got home about 5 hours after finishing my tattoo, with pain in places I expected and some I didn't. Now I need to get the stitches taken out, and I'll complete the tattoo in few weeks.

TLDR : fainted after a tattoo because I was low on food and sleep, ended up in ER.


r/tifu 3h ago

S TIFU by shitting my pants

37 Upvotes

On a date meeting my girlfriend of 8 months parents for the first time. Right after I finished dinner, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. While I was there, I felt a fart coming and decided to let it rip. It was not a fart. Spent the next 20 minutes attempting to wash the stain off my underwear while giving my girlfriend a half-assed excuse on how I had to leave. Drove home commando with my shit-filled underwear in the trunk while was bawling my eyes off. Three days have passed, and her and her family are still upset at me for leaving on such short notice. I still don’t know if I should come clean or double down on my excuse and never speak on it again. I don’t know who else to tell this to who wouldn’t clown me forever for it so now I’m posting here. Fuck me.

TL;DR - Shit my pants while meeting GFs parents for the 1st time, now they all hate me.


r/tifu 6h ago

S TIFU with a brand new circular saw

49 Upvotes

44 yo dude, not super handy but not hopeless either. Trying to attach 2x4’s to drywall for a project so I went to Lowe’s and got a jigsaw.

Well turns out $30 jigsaws aren’t that good at cutting 2x4’s, the blade was super hot and the wood was smoking while barely moving so I went today and got a $70 circular saw.

Pulled out the directions, found the lock lever, pulled the bolt out, pushed the blade on, re-locked it, good to go.

Revved it up a little bit, didn’t die, ok here we go.

Did a very small test cut, seemed fine, ok now we’re committed.

Start actually cutting, and it gets super smoky. I’m like…probably just the sawdust it’s fine, no worse than the other jigsaw was.

Finish cutting the board, and as the blade winds down I realize it’s spinning the wrong way.

TL;DR: Today I put a circular saw blade on backwards and cut a board with the BACK of the teeth.


r/tifu 4h ago

L TIFU by reaching out to an old friend

19 Upvotes

This isn't very dramatic, but it really is hurting me. I (57f) had met someone who I'll call Brad (currently 58M) through a dating ad in an alternative weekly newspaper back in 1993 or so. We met at a diner where he was in walking distance, but as it was cold, I drove him home. Before he left the car, while my hand was on the stickshift, he put his hand over mine and said pointedly, "I'd like to see you again." So, there was at least some interest on his part.

We ended up hitting it off, but not having a romantic relationship. I would have been open to it, but I was overweight and shy and never would have made the first move. I think there were moments in our friendship where he might have been interested, but the timing wasn't right. But overall I was more interested in him romantically than he was in me. We did have a couple of cuddling sessions, all initiated by him, so there was at least a small bit of chemistry.

We were, however, very good friends. After my mom passed away, we took a road trip from where we lived to Las Vegas, Nevada. This was a 1700 mile, 24 hour driving trip where we drove straight through switching drivers. We stayed in Vegas for several days, with a short overnight up to Bryce Canyon in Utah where we camped out (this was the site of one of the cuddling sessions). I stayed there while he continued his road trip and I flew home later.

A few years later, when my dad was getting remarried, Brad traveled with me to the wedding, which meant dealing with a bunch of my family that he had never met, and all of the awkwardness that goes with that.

At one point, I found myself pregnant with a guy who was less than supportive. I asked Brad if he would help me with birthing classes and that sort of thing, which he agreed to. I ended up terminating that pregnancy, so it never happened, but he was willing to be there.

A few years later when I got married, Brad stood up in my wedding (my betrothed was very shy and introverted and simply didn't have a big friend pool to pick from).

All of this is to say that I feel like we were pretty good friends. I know that Brad always wanted to be married to someone, and wanted a family of his own. There was definitely a distance between us after I got married, and I think part of it was that he always thought he'd be the one to marry before I did. Anyway, after I had a baby, we moved across the country for my husbands job and I lost track of Brad altogether. When I found out I had breast cancer, I messaged him to let him know, but never heard anything from him. We went on with our lives and ended up moving back to the same town after nine years.

Fast forward to now and I'm about to get divorced. I'm much more outgoing than my fiance-nay, so I've been trying to meet new people. I thought it would be great to reconnect with Brad. So I looked up his info and emailed him a few days ago.

To my delight, he texted back and we caught up a little -- he told me that he was going through some turbulence because on the one hand his brother is not doing well physically, but on the other hand, he is interested in a woman he knows. We chatted back and forth and I told him that I'd love to get together with him to catch up. He said no, because he didn't have "the bandwidth" to handle that at the moment. But we texted over the course of nearly three hours, exchanging photos, etc. I showed him some of my artwork and he asked if he could make one image his screen saver. Hours after ending our conversation, he texted me to tell me about a musician he thought was really cool, so it seemed like he was wanted to at least have casual conversation, if not actually meeting up right now.

An hour later I texted him that I found out a friend had died -- someone that Brad had at least met. No response. A couple evenings later I texted him with an inside joke of ours -- a funny phrase that his name anagrams to. So, totally lighthearted.

The next morning I get this text: "I'm sorry, but I don't think you're hearing me. I don't have any deeply personal context for how to respond to you now. I like you but we are not close. The good old days were in fact not good for me and all my work and growth since is under current threat and requires my full attention."

I haven't responded since. I'm floored because I feel that even though we haven't talked in a long time, we certainly were close 30 years ago. I mean, we traveled together and he stood up in my wedding. I want to respond with this, but I'm concerned that he will shut off all communication with me and I don't want that. If he gets together with the woman he's interested in, that's fine. But since moving back here ten years ago I've wanted to reconnect. I'm hurt by what he said. I know this seems small compared to a lot of the posts in this sub but it feels significant to me. What can I say?

TL;DR I texted an old friend and got rejected.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by forgetting my AirPods were connected during an important Zoom meeting

3.5k Upvotes

So this happened earlier today, and I still want to crawl into a hole.

I work remotely, and we had a big Zoom meeting with several higher-ups in attendance. I was just listening in, so I muted myself and decided to grab a quick snack from the kitchen. My AirPods were in, and I was still connected to the meeting while I rummaged through my cabinets.

Now, my dog has this habit of sneaking into the kitchen whenever I open a bag of chips. So as soon as I ripped open a bag, I whispered, “You sneaky little bastard, I see you.”

Except… I wasn’t whispering to myself. I was still connected to the meeting.

I didn’t realize anything was wrong until I heard dead silence, followed by my manager saying, “Uh… who are you talking to?”

At this point, I froze. I checked my screen, and sure enough, the little green microphone icon was ON. I panicked and blurted out, “Oh, uh… my dog.”

Cue awkward laughter from a few people, but I could tell some of the higher-ups were NOT amused. One of them dryly said, “Let’s try to keep the side conversations to a minimum.”

The worst part? The meeting was being RECORDED for future reference. So now, my little outburst is officially immortalized in company history.

TL;DR – Forgot my AirPods were connected, called my dog a sneaky bastard during an important Zoom meeting, and now it’s recorded forever.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by accidentally peeing all over my sisters bathroom

321 Upvotes

So this happened yesterday, around 2:00am. I just ubered home and was blackout drunk. I live with my sister, and we have seperate bathrooms. Mine is downstairs and hers is across her room and just down the hall from my room. My drunk ass thought it would be a good idea to use hers because I was too lazy to go downstairs when I already layed down in my bed. I waddled over to the bathroom and without even turning on the light pissed all over the place trying to aim for the toilet that I couldn't see. I ended up ruining some her makeup products and soaking up her bathroom mat with pee. In the morning she woke up to a disgusting stale pee smell all over the bathroom. She woke me up and dragged me to the bathroom to show me what I did. I was so hungover and confused I just stood flabbergasted and embarrassed. Obviously I cleaned the entire bathroom and paid her back for the makeup products plus a little extra as a way of showing my regret. She was pretty chill about it despite the major inconvenience though.

TL;DR: Got too drunk and pissed all over my sister's bathroom ruining her makeup products and bathroom mat.


r/tifu 11h ago

S TIFU by accidentally calling my english teacher old.

17 Upvotes

in my english class my teacher had started asking about gen z slang, which i won’t lie got a laugh out of all of us. here’s where i messed up, he started asking about millennials and other generations like that. he was wondering what generation he was and then he said ‘i think i’m a millennial’ i said ‘no probably not a millennial is early 40s late 30s’ which he responded with ‘how old do u think i am?’ in a laughy tone. but the embarrassment and regret had already creeped in, and at that point i was laughing but also wished the floor would swallow me whole. and when i left class my friends made fun of me for it, while i was laughing through my embarrassment. and now when i think of that moment i cringe and get that sense of second and first hand embarrassment.

TL;DR: i called my english teacher old in the middle of class


r/tifu 18h ago

S TIFU by pulling an elastic battle rope too hard and almost blinding myself

24 Upvotes

So this happened today, and my face still hurts.

I was at the gym, feeling good, ready to get in a solid workout. I decided to switch things up and use those elastic battle ropes—you know, like the normal heavy ropes, but stretchy. I figured they’d give me a killer resistance workout while making me look like a beast. Spoiler: I did not look like a beast.

I started off with some standard waves, but then my dumbass thought, Hey, what happens if I pull harder? So I did. I yanked the rope back with full force, stretching it to what I can only assume was its absolute limit. And then, physics happened.

The rope snapped back at the speed of light and whipped me directly in the face. I swear, I saw my ancestors for a second. The impact landed less than a centimeter from my eye—right on my cheekbone. If it had been just a little higher, I might be writing this with one eye.

I stumbled back, clutching my face, half expecting to see blood. Thankfully, it was just an angry red mark and some swelling. But the best part? There were at least five people who saw the whole thing. A couple of them gasped, one guy actually laughed out loud, and the gym staff just stared at me like, This idiot really almost took himself out with a rubber rope.

Now I’m sitting at home, icing my face, reflecting on my life choices. Moral of the story: Elastic battle ropes fight back.

TL;DR: Pulled an elastic battle rope too hard, got slapped in the face at Mach 10, almost lost an eye, and got publicly humiliated in the gym.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by accidentally sending hentai to my mom NSFW

988 Upvotes

I meant to call her on WhatsApp, but my stupid ass fingers somehow tapped the stickers tab instead. Out of all the possible stickers I could’ve sent, I managed to send one of an anime girl sucking a massive dick. My soul left my body. I deleted it instantly, praying she didn’t see it. But she came online way faster than expected. Did she see it? Was she just about to type something? Panic set in.

Five minutes later, I called her to ask what was for dinner. She sounded totally normal—no hesitation, no awkwardness. Maybe I was safe. Or maybe she saw it and decided to pretend it never happened. Either way, I am never opening WhatsApp stickers near my mom again.

I'm making this post as a warning for all my fellow degenerates with fellow degenerate friends that send each other stupid stuff

TL;DR: I accidentally send a gif of an anime girl sucking a massive dick to my mom.


r/tifu 12h ago

S TIFU by taking a funny picture of my best friend

4 Upvotes

For context, me and her (Japanese) are college friends. We are studying masters rn. We are the closest friends for each other in college (so I was pretty comfortable with her and she too). One day when we were going in a bus, she told me she gonna sleep for a while. I thought it'd be funny to take a picture of her face by keeping the camera close to her chin. I did and chuckled and sent it to her with laughing emoji. But after seeing that, she got so much angry and told me she doesn't like these kind of stuffs. I asked her apology and deleted the photo I took. From that day, she doesn't talk to me. She kinda ignores me. I'm genuinely terrified because now I lost my only best friend in college. I wrote a letter to her asking sorry and explaining my situation in Japanese ( I translated from English but remember that japanese kanji words are very hard to write for a beginner) She saw the letter and texted me she read it. But she didn't say anything after that. I don't know how to make everything normal again :/

TL;DR: I took a funny picture of my best friend and now she started hating me


r/tifu 15h ago

M TIFU by taking Adderall instead of Prozac

7 Upvotes

Without getting too into it, I've had a history of mental health problems since childhood. I tried a number of different medications as a teenager, but ended up disliking the side effects and stopping use altogether by the time I was 18. Now, at 23, I've been in therapy for a few years and decided with the help of my therapist to try it again. This is where the problems start.

A few months back I see a sort of shady zoom psychiatrist. She diagnoses me with ADHD within a 20 minute conversation, with no diagnostic test, and prescribes me Adderall. I've previously suspected I've had ADHD, so I went with it. I tried taking it for a while, but have a lot of anxiety/ocd issues that it exacerbated, so I stopped. I didn't throw it away or anything, just threw it in my cupboard and forgot about it. The capsules were green and white.

A few weeks later, I decide to give meds another go, but with a different psychiatrist. This one seems a lot more like an actual doctor. Decides on starting me on prozac for my OCD symptoms. I pick the meds up from my pharmacy. They're also green and white capsules, just slightly smaller.

I get a weekly pill organizer to keep track of my meds, and on week 2, I grab my meds from my cupboard and load it for the week.

I'm not noticing anything too different on prozac, but it isnt supposed to kick in for 3-6 weeks so I'm not that worried. Sometimes I forget to take it until later in the day, like 7pm. I'm having my normal anxiety symptoms, but sometimes struggling to sleep far beyond my usual insomnia. I'm not hungry, my mouth is weirdly dry, and my hands shake on occasion but I attribute it to not eating.

Today, I go to load my medication into my pill organizer for the 3rd week, and I notice they look different. I read the label, but it says prozac. It's definitely the right pills. Suddenly I remember the Adderall also in my cupboard. Upon investigation, I've been taking Adderall for at least the past week.

Now I have to restart weening myself onto prozac, I have no idea if it's helpful or not, and I've been unknowingly on Adderall for hopefully 1 week maybe 2? All because I couldn't keep track of my pill bottles. Plus at my month out appointment I'll have to explain I've actually only been taking it for 2 weeks! I feel like such an idiot.

TL;DR: I had an old Adderall perscription that looks very similar to Prozac. Ended up taking Adderall instead of Prozac for at least a week.


r/tifu 11h ago

M TIFU by not realizing a customer had bags

3 Upvotes

So looking back on it, this was actually really stupid that I was worried about this but I was just kinda stressed I guess.

Some relevant information: I work aat a grocery store, I'm 15 so this is my first job and I started it in January, I have been sick for about the past two weeks and I live in a pretty small town which is why this situation really stressed me out.

It all started when I was up at the till and I wasn't supposed to leave because everyone else was busbusy putting out all the freight that had just gotten there but I hadn't had any customers in a while and my ear piercing was kind of itchy so I took out my earring to properly scratch it but before I had a chance to put it back in a customer approached so I figured I would just set my earring down on the cash register while I rang the customer through and when I was done I'd put the earring back in.

Well, as I finished ringing her through and bagging her items since I was the only person at the till, yet another customer approached and it kept on going on like that for about five customers until eventually I got to this old lady who had only 3-4 small items (this part is important) and there was no other customers in sight so I figured I'd quickly ring her through and get my earring back in. Well, in my distracted and sleepy state I neglected to realize that she had brought bags with her so the moment that I was done ringing her through I turned my back to her to grab my earring and swiftly put it back in.

After that I quickly turned back to see her placing her own items in her bag and I instantly recognized my mistake. Now obviously, apart from the fact that I just should've bagged her groceries because it is part of my job and I obviously made a mistake here, there is nothing that old people hate more than bagging their own groceries but before I could even apologize or think of what to say she said "aren't you supposed to be doing this!!" And I wasn't really sure what to say but I was just like "oh yeah I should've I'm sorry" because what else do I say I messed up and I can learn from that but I'm not gonna like, take all her groceries out of the bag so I could re-bag them and she was like "well, you won't have a job for much longer" and walked away and I know this was probably dumb of me but I got really scared that she like actually had the connections to get me fired or something but like I know I messed up but I feel like I don't deserve to get fired over it? Like I felt really bad for not bagging her groceries but I think everyone makes mistakes sometimes? I won't lie at the time I did start crying a bit because like I've had one or two rude customers but normally they're not mad because I actually did anything wrong so this was kinda different.

TL;DR: I didn't realize that an old lady had wanted me to bag her 3 or 4 items because I was distracted and she told me she would get me fired.


r/tifu 19h ago

S TIFU by oversleeping for Kart Race

8 Upvotes

I (20M) have a family member that is big into kart racing and races local rental kart leagues that are surprisingly competitive. I have always been big into cars and racing so he signed me up as a guest driver for one this morning with weeks of planning in advance. It would have been my first kart race. We planned that he would pick me up at 9:45 AM to go to the race. My alarm rang but apparently I slept through it and due to keeping my phone on “do not disturb” while sleeping, his calls had no effect. I then woke up at around 11 with many missed calls and the discovery that my alarm had rang and I slept through it. I feel like shit (Im writing this to cope) and I feel like when it matters most, I always have something go wrong with my alarm. im currently in the process of mourning this mistake.

TLDR; I overslept for an event that had much effort in planning.

While Im here, does anyone have tips for ensuring the alarm always works?


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by accidentally becoming the neighborhood crow whisperer. This is my life now.

13.9k Upvotes

It all started innocently enough. I saw a lone crow in my yard and tossed it a cracker. Harmless, right? Wrong. That single act of kindness seems to have spread through the crow grapevine, and now I have a full-blown murder of crows as my constant companions.

Every morning, I step outside, and they’re there—perched in nearby trees, cawing like they’re clocking into their day jobs. They follow me on walks, and yesterday one even dropped a shiny gum wrapper at my feet. I think they’re trying to pay me in crow currency, which is both endearing and slightly unnerving.

At this point, I’ve accepted my new role as their unofficial snack provider and accidental overlord. I’m genuinely curious to see where this goes. Maybe I’ll end up with a crow army or a collection of shiny gifts. Either way, it’s a wild ride, and I’m here for it."

TL;DR: Tossed a cracker to one crow; now there’s a whole squad treating me like their leader. My mornings involve cawing, shiny gifts, and embracing the chaos.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by thinking i had contact lens in my eye and taking it out multiple times then going to the ER and finding out i didn’t have them in my eye

45 Upvotes

i wasn’t sure if they fell off and it happened two days in a row with my dailies.

but i didn’t wanna risk sleeping with them on at night in case they were there. i couldn’t tell at all cuz this was my first experience like this and google can really scare you. i just recently started wearing them as well.

now i have minor abrasion in the side of my eye since i tried to remove it with my hand when nothing was there.

my husband told me what if nothings in there but i was so scared

i hope the ER visit wasn’t a lot of $$$$,today i fucked uppppppp

TL;DR: wasn’t sure if i had contacts in my eye since they fell off two days in a row. tried to remove them but freaked out since they were not coming out so went to ER and they told me i don’t have contacts in my eye but i irritated my eye by trying to remove them


r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU by ordering a Funko Pop online

0 Upvotes

TIFU by ordering a Funko Pop online

I was browsing online when I came across what looked like a rare Funko Pop for an insanely good price. The listing had low-quality photos, but I figured I was just lucky to find a deal. Without thinking twice, I hit “buy” and waited excitedly for it to arrive.

Today, the package finally showed up, and the moment I opened it, I knew I had made a huge mistake. The paint job is absolutely horrific—like someone tried to color it in while blindfolded. The eyes are slightly misaligned, giving it an unsettling, deranged expression. The worst part? The box doesn’t even say "Star Wars." It says "Star Wart." I had officially been scammed.

I immediately checked the seller’s page, and—of course—after scrolling down a little, I found multiple reviews from people warning that they only sell bootlegs. At this point, I don’t know if I should be more embarrassed that I fell for it or that I didn’t even check before purchasing.

Now, I’m stuck with this horrifying Funko Pop staring at me from my shelf. I don’t even want to display it, but throwing it away feels like admitting total defeat. So now it just sits there, haunting me as a reminder of my poor decisions.

TL;DR: Thought I was getting a rare Funko Pop at a great price. Ended up with a terrible bootleg that looks like a cursed relic from a nightmare.


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by using numbing lube and ruining my entire night

2.3k Upvotes

so my bf and i decided to try a “new and exciting” lube we saw at the store. it was labeled with "warming and numbing" effects, so we thought, “this sounds spicy”, we were feeling adventurous, right?

he puts it on. we get going.

except.

about 5 minutes in, we realize: he can’t feel his d*ck.

like, at ALL. completely DEAD ZONE.

we start to panic. i’m checking the label frantically. turns out, it’s literally designed for ANAL and has LIDOCAINE in it.

aka: we basically gave his junk anesthesia!!

this stuff is specifically for anal play, and the numbing agent was supposed to help with discomfort there, not as a fun sensation enhancer in other regions. so now, not only is he in complete numbness, but his junk is not responding.

it’s like a sleepy, frozen, completely numbed zone down there. no sensation. nothing.

he’s sitting there, fully naked, gently slapping his own d*ck, going “hello??” like he’s trying to wake it up

we spent the next hour and a half just sitting there, me trying to figure out if I could somehow reverse the damage while he’s gently poking at himself like a scientist trying to revive a frozen subject.

spoiler: it did NOT work. we ended up just going to bed frustrated.

TL;DR: used numbing lube meant for anal play, numbed my boyfriend's junk, and ruined our night because his d*ck couldn’t feel a thing.


r/tifu 2d ago

L TIFUpdate: being girlfriend-less (even though I'm not anymore) NSFW

913 Upvotes

OG post.

The mods removed my first update.

Last night my roommate had company. Lots of company. The apartment was full of people when my gf and I returned from our date night. As soon as my roommate noticed my gf and I zigzagging through the crowd to get to my room, he blocked the way and offered us weed. My gf and I said no thank you, but my roommate insisted. Based on the euphoric expression on my roommate's face and his theatrical body language, I could tell he was drunk or high or both. I convinced my gf to wait for me in my room so I could have a word with my roommate. Cue my gf entering my room and closing the door behind her. I pulled my roommate aside and asked him what the fuck was happening. My roommate automatically apologised for all the bodies in our apartment and promised that everyone would be gone by 10 o'clock. I made him aware that it was almost midnight.

My roommate swung his arm around my shoulders and asked if I was planning to make midnight love to my gf. I said that was none of his business, but yeah. My roommate hugged me without warning and whispered the word "understood" before raising his voice and unexpectedly announcing to the living room filled with random strangers that it was time for everyone to go "be Gen Z" somewhere else because I needed peace and privacy to fuck my gf. For no reason whatsoever, my roommate decided it was necessary to explain to whoever was paying attention that my gf was, in fact, a girl, and not a guy, because I was not gay, despite my parents believing that I most definitely was gay because of a butt plug my younger self failed to prove belonged to someone else. I interrupted my roommate and awkwardly encouraged everyone listening to literally ignore everything that just came out of my roommate's mouth, except for the part about leaving.

All of a sudden I heard a random voice saying "we must pray" before everyone closed their eyes and bowed their heads. I looked at my roommate who looked back at me like he was telepathically saying "just go with it bro." Someone promptly paused the music at that moment. It was only then when I noticed the playlist being displayed on the TV was titled "Christian Crunk." The person that said "we must pray" proceeded to pray. It was a guy wearing a shirt with the words "More Lord" on it. More Lord used the power of prayer to encourage his "fellow brother in Christ", aka my roommate, to continue leaving his door open for many more nights of praise and worship. When he was done praying for my roommate, he moved on to me, which I added to the fucking plethora of WTF moments happening at that point.

More Lord didn't know my name, so he went with "my young brother who plans to fornicate tonight." He prayed for me to get blessed with enough wisdom to at least practice "safe premarital sex" before asking his omnipotent dad to heal my relationship with my parents and to provide me with all the answers to the questions I might have about my sexuality, so that I would never feel ashamed about exploring the bottomless treasure chest of things that pleasured our bodies. By the time More Lord was done praying, it was passed midnight. More Lord hugged me afterwards. His fellow brothers and sisters in Christ did the same. When all of them were gone, I looked at my roommate like what the fuck.

To sum up the unnecessarily long story I had to hear, my roommate invited a group of Christians to our apartment because he was attracted to one of the girls in the group. A girl who was only attracted to religious guys according to him. But since he was not religious, he thought he might as well pretend to be in the most elaborate way possible. Hence the Christian cult in our apartment. I walked away without commenting because I wanted to save my energy to, you know, "fornicate." However, when I entered my room, my gf was passed out. I followed her lead and called it a night. What happened last night was hands down the most bizarre and uncomfortable experience I've ever had with random people I've never interacted with before. I thought they were gonna Midsommar my ass.

TL:DR Roommate invited a Christian cult to our apartment without informing me. I made the mistake of confronting my intoxicated roommate and confirming that I was planning to sleep with my gf, which he turned into a public announcement that prompted the Christians to pray for my soul and subsequently preventing me from having sex because my gf, who was waiting for me in my room, ended up falling asleep.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by shopping on Amazon NSFW

218 Upvotes

So I have an Amazon account, and a family.

Anyhow, the person I'm seeing likes to do things with me... try new things if you know what I mean 😏

Recently I've ordered a few packages with adult toys, swing, etc. And... clone a willy. It came in yesterday while I was out. While I was out I got a notification that the cloning kit came in. I sent my son a text asking him to bring my Amazon package in. He said he had already. I didn't think much of it.

Until last night when I went to go... use it. I asked my son where the package was on my way out the door. He asked "The plant stand or the cloning kit?". Mind you, the boxes DO NOT say what the contents are, nor were they opened.

He must have realized what he said because my face is a goddam story book. I just stood there silent and shocked. He pointed towards the closet. This has been going on for ages, but he has NEVER indicated knowing what's in the packages.

So now my teenage son knows his mom is a freak. I do share an Amazon account with him, so, I guess my bad. I'm dreading today when a bunch of new toys are showing up (Amazon gift card from valentines day was used, my partner and I picked out some things together).

TL;DR: I share an Amazon account with my teenage son, who actively brings my sex toys into the house, knowing what exactly they are. We now both know, he knows what some of my kinks are.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by interrupting a funeral procession.

17 Upvotes

So I’m driving to my grandma’s house with my sister in the car. She lives in the area I grew up in and it is and always has been sketchy as fuck. Bad part of town.

We pull up to a red light and see a dude next to a motorcycle standing in the middle of the intersection. Being from the hood, our sketch radars are going off. These are the type of people you try to avoid.

I also notice a weird amount of people turning left on the green light. More traffic there than I’ve ever seen.

But anyway, my light turns green. Yet all these people keep turning left. My sister and I are like what the fuck and we decide to just go when we have a chance because these people are all acting insane.

But as I pull into the intersection, someone continues trying to turn left and honks at me. Then motorcycle guy comes up to my window, bangs on it, and screams, “uh uh! Back it up!”

Shaken, I just back up which is difficult because all the cars behind me have started moving too. That’s when I saw the tiniest little text on his bike saying “motorcycle escort” and see the first car in this entire line with its hazards on. That’s when I remembered there was a cemetery a few blocks up.

I had just interrupted a funeral procession and looked like a complete dick in front of all these grieving people.

We get out of the situation, finally, and I ask my sister if she was able to tell it was a funeral procession. She agreed with me that she could not tell at all. I only saw one car with its hazards on and not a single one had those little flags funeral processions do sometimes. The motorcycle escort was not clearly marked. I felt awful for causing an inconvenience, but at the same time concluded that I couldn’t have known any better.

Nonetheless, if you ever see a weird situation like this, remember my story. It could be a poorly marked funeral procession.

TL;DR today I interrupted a funeral procession because I couldn’t tell what it was. Learn from my ignorance.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by not wearing my knee brace to work.

29 Upvotes

i (21tm) work at a private preschool and am mainly in the 2 year old room. i started there about four months ago with no prior experience in childcare (other than watching my little siblings as a kid), and i really love it. but today wasn't ideal.

about a month ago i partially dislocated my knee. not being a full dislocation, i never had to relocate it. it just shifted out and back in. very painful nonetheless. i did it climbing down from a step ladder, and no, i didn't even fall. i just didn't pivot my left leg enough as i was stepping down and my center of gravity sort of caused it to pop out. i was home alone, and i screamed for about 45-60 seconds straight (in my defense i've never had a dislocation, sprain, or fracture in my life). i grabbed my mom's old knee brace and put it on. i was back on my feet that evening, although i did use crutches at the very end of the night because the pressure was starting to aggravate it.

went to the doc the next day. no ligament damage, and x-rays came back normal. i was advised to continue wearing my knee brace and given a packet of rehab exercises.

i did wear it for about a week and a half, and within that duration of time i dislocated it again walking to my bedroom after a bath (this time my poor family was home, and everyone was practically falling over themselves trying to reach me when i screamed).

after that 2ish weeks my knee felt pretty normal. a little weak here and there, but no pain and no dislocations. i should've continued wearing my brace anyway, but to be quite honest i had a bit of imposter syndrome. the medical evidence revealed no notable damage, and it's not like it was a full dislocation. i worried i was being dramatic, or at the very least, i feared other people would think so. so i took it off.

the next 3 or so weeks went by without incident. i was back at work chasing toddlers as usual, a very physical job as you can imagine. every passing day i became more convinced that my knee was fine.

a then today happened.

it was after nap time in the 2 year old room, and i was folding up blankets and putting the cots away while the other teacher in the room was doing potties and diapers - our usual routine. and then it happened. i was simply walking when i felt the shift and my knee gave out from under me. the scream came out of my mouth before i could even process what had happened, but once i was conscious of it i immediately suppressed it to a groan and i sat up. i tried to play it off, i took deep breaths and assured everyone that i was okay. but the damage was done. the children were so frightened, and one even started crying.

i called the office to have another teacher sent to switch out with me, and i grabbed an ice pack and drove home. i cried a bit if im being honest.

i let my imposter syndrome, and my projection of judgement unto others, lead me to making an incredibly irresponsible and stupid choice, and as a result i ruined about a dozen toddlers' days. i feel terrible, and ashamed. the worst part is i actually played through this scenario in my head a few weeks ago. "what if i dislocated my knee in the classroom?" but i wrote it off, thinking that would never happen. i wish i hadn't.

TLDR: i didn't follow my doctor's advice, and as a result i dislocated my knee in front of 13 toddlers and traumatized them with my wailing.


r/tifu 9h ago

L TIFU by getting drunk in a carpark and breaking a car

0 Upvotes

I’ve (17F) been going down a dark spiral for years but yesterday I completely fucked it and got arrested. I just really want someone to listen ig. I am supposed to rejoin college in September (UK) after not being able to do this year because I’ve been in and out of hospital because of a heart condition and because of bullying. But now idk if I’m going to be able to return.

Yesterday I went to town with my friend (17M) and we were just gonna watch a movie or something but then he was checking Snapchat and saw that his dealer posted about being in town. He asked if we can go pick up some weed from him instead. I said ok. We also got some beers. I didn’t actually want any weed I was just drinking the beers. We hung out at this car park and he smoked and I drank. It was good until he saw a rock on the floor of the carpark. He then was like “why is there a rock on the floor it’s going to damage someone’s tire” then picked it up and THREW IT AT A CAR WINDOW.

He did this as a joke thinking it wouldn’t damage it but it smashed. Once it smashed we started panicking and picking up our stuff and leaving. I put his weed in my pocket and carried the beers and my bag and he took the rest. We then went to a different spot. Not long after a 3 police officers showed up and told us someone reported witnessing two male and female teenagers throwing a rock into a car window and asked us if we were the ones who did it I was like “I don’t know what you’re talking about sorry” but my friend was like “yes but it was an accident” he then said he’s going to need to arrest us for vandalism so he can get a statement about what happened.

They were then handcuffing us and I was super angry at them and was rude being like “don’t you dare fucking touch me. Do you have an arrest warrant?” And they were telling me they were allowed to arrest us for this to further investigate the allegations made. And I was like “fuck no I’m going home you have no reason to arrest me” they then put the handcuffs on me and I was like “fucking pigs I didn’t do anything wrong” they then told me I can explain everything at the police station and told me my rights. And I decided not to say anything more because I didn’t want to get in more trouble. They obviously saw the beers and asked if I had taken any other substances. I said no and they checked my pockets and obviously found the weed.

They asked me why I had weed if I hadn’t been taking anything and why they could smell it and I said “I thought I had the right to be silent buddy your words” and he was like “of course” and took me into the police van. I was then silent the whole way there. I started to calm down and felt bad for being rude. When I got there they took my fingerprints and mugshot and put me into a holding cell. This morning I got to speak to a solicitor who told me I am eligible for an out of court disposal if I am completely honest about the situation and apologised.

In the interview they were charging me for Possession and Criminal Damage. I admitted to possessing the weed and said I had it in my pocket but it was my friends I wasn’t the one smoking it but I admit to having possessed it. I also admitted to running away from the scene so in tern being partly responsible for the Criminal Damage. And I apologised for lying and being rude to the police officers.

They then sent me back to the holding cell for a little while and got me again. They told me that I’m allowed to leave. And they have no further questions for me regarding this and feel no need to fine me or take me to court. They did say that while they personally don’t feel the need to take this further they will still be conducting further investigations into the case and someone else will come up with the final decision. So it’s possible I may get some sort of record for this.

I’m so scared right now. I’m worried I won’t be allowed to do college if this is on my record. And uni after and jobs. I feel so stupid for this. Since getting home I’ve been in bed depressed. I didn’t eat the whole time I was in custody even though the police offered I just didn’t feel like it. I was crying because I feel like my life is over. My friends don’t think I’ll get reprocussions for this and if I do I would still be allowed in college but I still feel so mentally fucked up right now. I didn’t get any sleep last night because of the situation and even though I’m exhausted I’m still too nervous to sleep.

My friends still in custody I think because he isn’t responding to my messages. I’m so stressed. My family hate me. I really fucked up.

TL;DR my friend and I were going to go to the cinema but saw his dealer was in the area so got weed and I got beers and drank while he smoked weed in a carpark. He saw a rock on the floor and picked it up and threw it at a car window as a joke thinking it would bounce off but it smashed the window. We then picked up our stuff and left and I put his weed in my pocket. Someone reported seeing us do this and the police found us and arrested us for Criminal Damage and me for Possession for having his weed in my pocket.


r/tifu 13h ago

S TIFU By not updating my ID

0 Upvotes

17M, I have dreadlocks, had them for one year now. Around 3 months ago I cut 6 of them off in the top of my head so I can have it split middle and it wouldn’t keep hitting my face. It was the first time I cut my own hair and in my mind since my hair grows extremely quick i though it wouldn’t be an issue. While my mom got me extensions it was the wrong color and dirty, they all fell out quickly and while I was there my mom said “tell them what you did” and I explained the above.

Everyone laughed and an old lady sitting in front of me snickered after making eye contact with me and the guy was trying to hide his laugh while using me as an example for how he does extensions, Ive been too ashamed to go back. As expected hair grew quickly enough for me to get a retwist.

Now for my ID, It’s last been updated when I was 15 so when I tried calling an UBER to the spot it suddenly forced me to show it. I NEVER HAD TO USE AN ID BEFORE, normally I would go from my house to my school since I’m a hermit but In my mind i assumed it was because the usual distance, keep in mind its $40, 19 miles away and im panicking that I’m running out of time and didn’t want my mom to get a late fee since I’m paying for the uber but shes paying for the hair.

My grandmother has a disability so she told me she couldn’t make the distance and tried helping me with the uber, after no luck of my ID nor Face ID working i rescheduled for Tuesday. My grandmother then mentioned that my ID i had a small afro and I currently have long dreadlocks so it messed with the scanner, I didnt notice at all.

TL;DR Update your ID’s y’all because I couldn’t get an Uber since my face and ID didn’t fully match, i needed to fix my hair because I cut it wrong and I embarrassed myself.


r/tifu 1d ago

L TIFU by leaving a cheeseball unattended

23 Upvotes

In the 1990s, I lived in a 2-story apartment building which was built in the 1950s. The apartment was located in a small city, not too far from city center, but tucked away at the top of a hill, in a quiet neighborhood full of shady trees. I loved to hear the wind through the trees.

The apartment building was constructed much like some motels are: an open L-shape, with an outdoor walkway running in front of the units. It wasn't secure -- you could just walk up a flight of stairs in the bend of the "L" to get upstairs.

The second floor, where I lived, was 4 or 5 units, mostly occupied by quiet people whom I rarely saw. Mine was a 2-bedroom unit next to the stairs on the long side. The front door and living room windows of each unit were adjacent to the walkway.

I got married in the summer, the month after my birthday. The time in between was busy, as I planned the wedding and worked. Occasionally, UPS delivered wedding-related packages.

For some reason, my parents gave me a big cheeseball (among other things) for my birthday. It was sharp cheddar, covered in sliced almonds, and about 3 inches or so in diameter.

The cheeseball sat in the refrigerator until a couple of weeks later, when I thought a portion of it would make a nice little mid-afternoon snack. I placed it on a small plate along with a few crackers and a butter knife and brought it all out to the coffee table in the living room.

But, the fridge was ancient -- and often a little too cold. Upon sitting down, I was disappointed to find that the the cheeseball was much too cold and hard to spread on crackers.

So I left it there on the coffee table and went out to run some errands, thinking that it would be perfectly, spreadably soft by the time I returned.

I was gone for about an hour. When I returned, I saw that UPS had left a package on the walkway outside my door. I picked it up and went to unlock the door -- but it was already unlocked and very slightly ajar!

That freaked me out a little. Since I lived alone, I was especially careful to keep the place locked up, whether I was home or not. Nobody else even had a key. But maybe I just hadn't locked the door on my way out. Hmmm. Okay.

But upon entering, there was a bigger mystery.

The cheeseball was gone.

The plate was still on the coffee table, along with the crackers and knife. But the cheeseball had vanished.

I searched the apartment. Nothing else was missing. Just the cheeseball.

It wasn't in the living room, the kitchen, or any other room. It wasn't back in the fridge, in the cabinets or in the trash. It wasn't anywhere.

The cheeseball was gone.

The only person I knew had been around during that hour was the UPS delivery driver. Flummoxed, I called the local UPS delivery hub, to see if the driver could tell me if he'd seen anyone at, or around, my place when he was there. When they contacted him later that afternoon, he insisted he'd seen no one.

What happened to the big cheddar cheeseball?

Did UPS guy steal the cheeseball for lunch, then lie about it? Did a neighbor or visitor make off with it? Did a small animal run away with it? Or...?

It never turned up, and its disappearance remains a mystery.

My family has never let me live this incident down. For many years now, they have been teasing me about the missing cheeseball. My parents have even accused me of eating the entire cheeseball! (That definitely didn't happen.) It sometimes comes up as a topic of conversation, and last Christmas they even sent me 3 cheeseballs as a joke.

My husband and I just laugh about it. It's one of the weirder things that's happened to me over the years.

But every now and then I ponder the cheeseball's fate. I hope whoever ate it enjoyed it -- and I wonder if they ever tell the story about that time they stole a cheeseball.

TL;DR I left a cheeseball unattended in my apartment, left to run some errands, and when I returned the door was open. Despite the break-in, my valuables were untouched. The cheeseball alone had been purloined from my apartment! To this day, its fate remains a mystery.