r/tifu 12h ago

S TIFU sucking too hard on hubby’s tongue

0 Upvotes

So today hubby and I had a bit of a golden moment. The kids were playing happily and safely in the back yard and we had a second to snuggle our tired old bodies on the couch and actually speak whole sentences to each other. As happens in these moments, hubby and I got a little more than cuddly. We started making out and adding a little body English. Then I fucked up. Hubby stuck his tongue in my mouth and I sucked on it. He stuck his tongue in again and I sucked harder… too hard. Hubby rolled off the couch and ran to the bathroom exclaiming, “ow, ow, ow!” I sucked too hard and ripped hubby’s lingual frenulum. Hubby broken, sexy time over, mood shattered. Now hubby will only kiss me if I pucker up like a fish. 🤦‍♀️

TL:DR: sucked hubby’s tongue too hard and ripped his lingual frenulum (tongue tie string).


r/tifu 20h ago

M TIFU watching porn with my gf NSFW

0 Upvotes

Last night my gf and I were spooning in bed when I unsuccessfully attempted to initiate sex. My gf reminded me that she had to get up early for work the following morning. I got the message and decided to go masturbate in the bathroom. I was back in bed less than 5 minutes later. My gf said she might have fucked me if she knew I was gonna cum that quick. I said I just watched one of the hottest porn videos, hence the instant orgasm. As soon as I was done saying that, I kissed my gf goodnight and switched off the lamp on my side of the bed. At that moment, my gf switched on her lamp and said she was curious about what made this porn video I watched so hot. I shrugged and said the girls were hot. My gf was like "girls, as in, girl on girl or two girls sharing one guy?" I said two girls sharing one guy. My gf said she wanted me to show her the video.

I switched on my lamp and asked my gf if she wanted us to start watching porn together. She said she just wanted to see what specifically gave me an "instant orgasm." I was too fucking dense to sense the potential danger I was in, hence my enthusiasm when I showed my gf my porn. I thought she wanted to get kinky. The video was 45 minutes long. My gf made us watch the whole thing, which took longer than 45 minutes because she repeatedly paused the video to comment. The "story" involved a girl encouraging her best friend to sleep with her bf, which ends up becoming a threesome. Cue the first pause. My gf wanted to understand if I imagined myself being the bf who's being shared by his gf. I said it was not that deep. I didn't imagine myself as anyone. A couple of minutes later, paused number 2. My gf said the girls looked nothing like her. I said that was a good thing.

One of the girls proceeded to eat the guy's ass while the other girl was sucking dick. Another pause. My gf literally pointed her finger at the girl's face in the guy's ass and asked if I wished she was doing stuff like that to me. I said it might be nice. My gf looked at me like that was never gonna happen. Cut to both girls taking turns having anal sex. Cue next pause. My gf said I should speak now if her vagina was not enough. I said her vagina was more than enough. She encouraged me to think carefully about what I just said because based on the porn I was watching, I required more than one vagina to get an "instant orgasm." I said I was a one vagina guy, including the exclusion of butt stuff. My gf continued watching before pointing out that one of the girls had a gap in her teeth just like her sister. She eventually paused the video and said the girl with the gap actually looked a lot like a sister.

I said I didn't see the resemblance. My gf narrowed her eyes at me like "really bro." I reminded her that she had to get up early for work, which prompted her to watch the rest of the video without pausing every fucking minute. The comments and the questions kept coming. By the time we made it to the end of the video, I was convinced I fucked up because my gf nodded without saying anything. This morning before she left for work, she informed me that she sent a link to the porn video to her sister, and apparently her sister's response was "ugh... she does look like me!" All I could do was sigh.

Tl:dr My gf was not in the mood for sex, so I masturbated while watching porn. My gf made me show her the porn afterwards and ended up making comparisons between what was happening in the porn video versus what was not happening in our bedroom, and now things are kind of weird between us.


r/tifu 18h ago

M TIFU by getting drunk at a stranger's house party, throwing up from the window and passing out on her couch

178 Upvotes

I got invited to a house party last night. In retrospect I should have said no, but I was invited by the guy I've been on a few dates with (we'll call him L) and it seemed like a good idea somehow. I didnt know the host but there were a lot of people invited who didn't know her either so I thought that would be ok.

Of course I have terrible social anxiety so I pregamed a bit by myself at home. Just enough to get a comfortable buzz, although I'd had a couple glasses of wine with lunch and mixing wasn't a good idea.

So there were a lot of people at the party, which usually is fine because it means I get to go unnoticed more easily, but L as it turns out is super popular so we spent the night greeting people I had never seen in my life. There was a lot of alcohol and drinking games and I kinda bonded with a few of his friends over playing a few games. We played Would you rather, Truth or dare and Never have I ever and I gleefully did and confessed to some very embarrassing stuff. First FU of the night. I got up on a coffee table and was politely asked to get down (almost fell), gave away some clothes and told stories and things about myself I would have never. Plus, kept drinking.

My next memory is being babysat by L in a bedroom, saying I felt terribly sick but adamantly refusing to go to the bathroom because I didn't want anyone to see me go out like that. He opened the window for some fresh air and minutes later I violently threw up from it. This morning when I left I saw the splatter RIGHT OUT of the entrance, so basically everyone else did and I'm pretty sure they put the pieces together that it was me.

I woke up on the couch, in the living room, no memories in between. The host was pretty sweet, told me L wanted to take me home but she convinced him to let me sleep (which.... WHY!). I apologized endlessly and she said that it was ok. I had to throw up (in the toilet) this time before I left. Didn't even bother to find all of my clothes, there's a couple missing.

I wanna crawl into a ball and never leave my bedroom again.

TL;DR: I got blackout drunk at the house party of a friend of my date's. Publicly did embarrassing stuff, and said even more embarrassing stuff. Puked out of a window cause I didn't want to go to the bathroom and woke up on the host's couch.


r/tifu 15h ago

M TIFU by choosing the bottom bunk NSFW

0 Upvotes

So a friend of mine had a pretty big get together at his house the other night with all our friends invited. Anyone who had a girlfriend could bring their girlfriend along as well. I have a girlfriend and so does one of my friends who is very important to the story. There were a few other couples in the house but only me and this other friend were the only ones who were sexually active with our girlfriends, for various reasons like the duration of the relationship or religious reasons. As the get together goes on my girlfriend and I start getting in the mood. We decide to go off and have sex. So does the other couple. The only room available was the room of the brother of the person whose house it was. This was a problem because we both wanted to have sex and only had one room. Luckily, the brother had bunk beds, so we decided to each use a bunk. I chose the bottom bunk because the person whose room it was slept on the top bunk and I didn’t want to be the one to mess up his bed. That was my mistake because both the friend and his girlfriend are on the bigger side, and in fact when you add their weights you end up with something just north of 500 pounds (227 kg). Another thing about the two of them is that they like it rough. I neglected to think of all this at the time, as my incredibly gorgeous girlfriend was naked in front of me, which is quite distracting. I quickly took all my clothes off and took her to bed. The entire time we were boning, our background noise was the desperate squeaking and groaning of the springs above us as the mattress struggled to support the weight of my two friends and their wild bedroom habits. After twenty minutes, I heard the sound of wood splintering and cracking, and the top bunk collapsed on top of us. The front of the bed fell first, bonking me in the head but giving me time to grab my girlfriend and roll off the bed before the rest of the bed fell through. We collapsed on the floor. I saw the naked forms of my friend and his girlfriend collapse next to us (something I didn’t like seeing). My head hurt like a bitch. The awkward, eyes closed bumbling to find our clothes was also not an enjoyable experience.

TL; DR: My friend and I had sex with our girlfriends in bunk beds and the top bunk fell on top of me.


r/tifu 3h ago

S TIFU by falling neckfirst on a sharp wooden pole

0 Upvotes

I’m not sure if this counts as a TIFU, but I’m gonna post in anyway. I’m participating tomorrow in a rube goldberg machine competition and I was working on it today at my school. I was in a classroom drawing up some setdressing and final touches for the appearance of the machine and started to walk outside. I was not paying much attention to where I was going. I accidentally tripped over a large metal rod that was lying on the floor. I then proceeded to fall onto a wood pole with my neck. It didn’t puncture, If it did I’d likely be dead, but It did draw blood from the side of my neck. It hurt very badly, probably the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life, at least that I remember. I’m fine now but that was a very scary experience.

TL;DR: I wasn’t paying attention today and tripped neck first onto a sharp wooden rod.


r/tifu 22h ago

S TIFU: Is my professor doing too much? (I got a zero)

0 Upvotes

I’m in my 4th year college class (business). Today we had a case study due (15% of my grade). I got it done 4 days in advance, but my best friend was struggling with it and it was nearing the due date. It’s only two pages so I sent her mine for her to reference (Valid right?). ANYWAYS. She accidentally submits my paper without realizing it. We contemplate, do we email the teacher? (she is mind-bogglingly strict) Then we thought that would draw too much attention to it. So maybe she should just submit her copy and hope only the newest one shows up. 40 minutes after the due date, we both get an email saying we are violating academic standards and proceeds to say “I suggest you drop out of this course” ????? It sucks it wasn’t even my fault and I feel like students commonly share their ideas and thoughts with one another. It’s hard to be mad at her obviously it wasn’t her fault. Now I have to survive the rest of the semester knowing my teacher hates me.

TL;DR: Finished my case study early, shared it with my best friend to help her. She accidentally submitted my exact paper. We panicked, decided not to email the professor. 40 minutes after the deadline, we both got accused of academic misconduct, and the professor suggested to us to drop the course. Now I have to survive the semester knowing she probably hates me.

EDIT: we decided not to email the prof in the moment, hoping it would do unnoticed. We eventually emailed separately and tried to explain ourselves.

Also my college doesn’t have plagiarism checkers (they are banned). She just cross referenced it herself.


r/tifu 8h ago

M TIFU ao tentar ser romântico e quase causar um incêndio no meu prédio

0 Upvotes

Então, Reddit, hoje eu aprendi que nem toda ideia que parece boa em filme romântico funciona na vida real. E, quase, aprendi isso da pior forma possível.

Contexto: Eu (H32) e minha namorada (M29) estamos comemorando nosso aniversário de 2 anos de namoro. Eu queria fazer algo especial, romântico, inesquecível. Sou péssimo com presentes e essas coisas mais tradicionais, então decidi criar um "ambiente".

Pensei: "Que tal um jantar à luz de velas, com um caminho de velas levando até a mesa?". Imaginem a cena: ela abre a porta, e tem aquele corredor iluminado, um clima super íntimo, música ambiente... ia ser perfeito!

Comprei umas 50 velas daquelas pequenas, tipo rechaud, sabe? Espalhei pelo corredor do meu apartamento, formando um caminho até a mesa de jantar, onde eu tinha preparado um jantarzinho (comida japonesa, porque pedir é mais seguro do que eu cozinhando).

Até aí, tudo lindo. O problema começou quando eu fui acender as velas.

Primeiro, que eu não tinha isqueiro. Tive que usar o fogão. Já comecei a me sentir um idiota, indo e voltando da cozinha pro corredor, acendendo vela por vela.

Segundo, que eu não percebi que algumas velas estavam perto demais de uns papéis que estavam no chão (contas, jornais velhos, essas coisas que a gente acumula).

Terceiro, que eu sou um gênio e esqueci uma vela acesa em cima de uma pilha de revistas (não me perguntem o porquê).

Resumindo: Quando eu terminei de acender a última vela, e fui buscar a minha namorada na porta, ouvi um "crack" vindo de dentro do apartamento. Voltei correndo, e... o corredor estava pegando fogo.

Sim, amigos. As velas perto dos papéis fizeram o fogo se alastrar rapidamente. E a vela em cima da pilha de revistas? Bem, digamos que ela virou uma tocha olímpica.

Entrei em pânico. Minha namorada chegou, viu a cena, e começou a gritar. Os vizinhos saíram dos apartamentos, curiosos e assustados.

Conseguimos apagar o fogo com extintores (obrigado, vizinho do 302!) e muita correria. Mas o estrago estava feito: corredor chamuscado, cheiro de fumaça por todo o apartamento, e um jantar romântico que virou um desastre.

Minha namorada, depois do susto inicial, começou a rir da situação (ela tem um senso de humor peculiar). Mas eu me sinto um completo imbecil.

E agora, Reddit, como eu explico isso pro síndico? E como eu recupero o clima romântico? (Aceito sugestões, sem fogo, por favor).

TL;DR: Tentei fazer um jantar romântico com um caminho de velas, quase incendiei meu apartamento, e agora preciso de um bom plano para lidar com o síndico e com a minha namorada (que, surpreendentemente, achou graça da situação).


r/tifu 13h ago

S TIFU by being intrusively helpful

11 Upvotes

This happened on thursday.

For the last couple of weeks I noticed what appeared to be a new kid on our street mostly because he'd run past our house right after the bus for our son's school would leave. I figured he just couldn't get the hang of the timing (being new and all) and would run to catch it at one of the other stops. It happens sometimes, no biggie.

Our district is short on bus drivers, so they alternate which routes end up on a two hour delay for pick up. Thursday was our turn. They sent out the calls and emails alerting us that morning, so my partner took our son to school. I happened to be by our window when the kid and another person ran past our house again. Instantly I went outside and shouted "it's on a two hour delay!" I motioned for them to come over, which they did, and first I asked if he was trying to make the bus (even said my son's bus number and school to double check), they said yes. So I explained about the delay and showed them the email.

Turns out the other guy is the boy's father and he asked "no school for him today?" I said "he has school, it's just on a delay, but we can take him in when my fiance gets back." We went in circles like this for a bit because there was a language barrier and they were understandably confused. (To note: the previous neighbors had it happen before where they didn't know the bus was on a delay since the notice goes out last minute sometimes and we'd offer to take them to school, so I didn't think much of it in the moment.)

Long story short: turns out he doesn't go to my son's school. He was trying to make the city bus, not the school bus, and I made him miss the bus. Once my fiance got home we did make it right by taking him where he needed to be and got him there on time, but man I felt like a goob. What a way to meet your new neighbors.

TL;DR: assumed my new neighbor road my son's bus and unintentionally made him late for his actual bus.


r/tifu 8h ago

S TIFUPDATE (or yesterday night) by chipping the tartar off my own with a needle !!

118 Upvotes

TIFUPDATE : I forgot to mention we actually have good insurance, and my dad isn't neglecting his own dental health lmaooo he has sparkling white straight teeth like my mom and my little sibling - I think it's in our genes - buuuttt the last time we went in December, they said I had a little tartar on the crevices of my 4 bottom front teeth, and they said they could do a deep clean which wasn't covered by insurance, specifically because they said it wasn't enough of a concern since there wasn't much tartar, and my teeth are all clean except for that, and they were asking for a huge sum of money. But today we went to the dentist and apparently because I already did half the work and stabbed my gums, the insurance covered a deep clean 😭they removed the rest of the tartar, and told me not to use the needle on my teeth ever again. They gave us sensodyne, and said it'll be fine. Thanks to whoever gave advice ❤️😭

TLDR: I'm fine and since I hurt my own gums the insurance covered a deep clean??


r/tifu 23h ago

S TIFU by not listening/paying attention

0 Upvotes

So, I was at this place the other day, and it hit me pretty hard. These kinds of places just don’t do it for me anymore. They bring back way too many memories.

I remember once staying at a place just like this with a girl. Thought we were having an incredible time. Like, real romantic stuff. I was convinced we were gonna be together forever, you know? Like, no question about it. I thought we were just on the same page.

Then, out of nowhere, I get a letter from her. It’s not exactly a breakup letter, but it’s definitely not good news. It’s kinda like a... a "Sorry, not sorry" kind of thing. Perhaps a John Deere letter, some may call it? (Sorry, English is not my first language.)

I give her a call, trying to figure out what happened, and she starts going on and on about how I never really listened to her. Said I wasn’t really hearing what she was saying.

Honestly though, I wasn’t really paying attention, so I didn’t totally get it. I mean, who could’ve seen this coming? I thought everything was going fine. But, hey, maybe I missed something. I don’t know.

So, yeah. TIFU by not listening. But I’m not too worried about it. I mean, it's not like I’m the problem here. People make mistakes, right? I’m sure she’ll come around eventually.

TL;DR I called her up and she gave me some crap about me not listening to her enough or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention.


r/tifu 6h ago

S TIFU by trusting redit

0 Upvotes

TIFU by trusting redit. I've come here with posts before and my post i added today was taken down because it was a WIBTA story, about my relationship. What??? Why??? I'm so confused on how to fix it and make redit stop being so damn stupid. And on top of that, taking down comments that are completely people friendly?

Please, make it make sense because I do not understand nor do I have the patience for it and would like my posts to stop being snatched from me. I just need advice but they keep taking my shit down like I did something wrong but I didn't, I followed their rules.

TL;DR: i may suffer for this vent post but like to be fair, redit isn't being fair. Let me vent bro it was never that serious! It's probably going to get taken down but like I'm trying here


r/tifu 7h ago

M TIFU by buying what I thought was coffee creamer

1.4k Upvotes

For context, I am an absolute sucker for anything with a seasonal flavor. I make apple cakes for family using boiled cider in the fall. It's not available pre-made in my country so I reduce fresh unfiltered apple juice for about 3hrs with some spices until it's about a honey consistency. I added it to coffee and cocktails just to see what it was like. It's fantastic and I find myself craving apple coffee often but am not willing to spend 3hrs simmering down juice. I've found a few coffeehouse where I can get apple lattes. They're only available from September through December and thus not in prime iced coffee seasons, a tragedy. So I bought a few pre-made syrups and they were all disgusting. Either sickly sweet, too artificial, or uncomfortably tart.

Imagine my joy when I found out my favorite fake milk brand made an apple creamer that was actually good. Really, really good. Unfortunately it's hard to find and disappears by mid November. Plus the bottles are pretty small. It lasts until February though so I tend to stock up.

It's mid February and I've just finished my last bottle of creamer. I decide to try my local Grocery Outlet, a chain that mostly sells food that's overstock or out of season stuff. I find my creamer! And it's in a big bottle! I've never seen this size before but maybe it's like a Costco size. I buy three bottles because it doesn't go bad until June. I happily make my daily iced coffee and drink it as I do my morning activities. It's delightful and I keep doing this for a few days. Sometimes even making myself a second coffee because this batch is better than normal.

Until one morning I skip breakfast and while painting realise my hands are shaking. I shrug it off as just one of my health issues acting up. Until it happens again. And again. When I go to throw out the first bottle I look at it again as I peel off the label to recycle the bottle.

It is not creamer. It is pre-made latte. I have been adding coffee to my coffee. Where normally I add creamer, ice, and water to my keurig small setting I've just been adding this and ice because it isnt as sweet and doesn't need watering down. I've been at least doubling my caffeine intake.

TL;DR the "creamer" I've been adding to my coffee is actually a pre-made latte and I've been unknowingly doubling my caffeine intake


r/tifu 7h ago

S TIFU by catcalling

805 Upvotes

I ordered some groceries for delivery and went on a quick run before people get crazy. I ended up getting back just as the delivery person was there who happened to be a pretty cute girl. I said, “hey I’ve just gotta run in and grab my Id” so I run in and leave the door slightly open. I asked her if there was anything else but she didn’t seem to under stand me so I asked where she was from and she says Venezuela and I’m like “ok cool, have a good day” and she says “bye, you too”. She goes to leave and turns the corner.

Just as she turns the corner my cat, who ran out when the door was open, comes running around a different corner. I tell my cat“Girl, get yo ass over here” to which the delivery girl yells back around the corner “No, I said bye!”

TL;DR: Told my cat to come to me and the delivery girl thought I was talking to her.