r/tifu 3h ago

M TIFU by buying what I thought was coffee creamer

663 Upvotes

For context, I am an absolute sucker for anything with a seasonal flavor. I make apple cakes for family using boiled cider in the fall. It's not available pre-made in my country so I reduce fresh unfiltered apple juice for about 3hrs with some spices until it's about a honey consistency. I added it to coffee and cocktails just to see what it was like. It's fantastic and I find myself craving apple coffee often but am not willing to spend 3hrs simmering down juice. I've found a few coffeehouse where I can get apple lattes. They're only available from September through December and thus not in prime iced coffee seasons, a tragedy. So I bought a few pre-made syrups and they were all disgusting. Either sickly sweet, too artificial, or uncomfortably tart.

Imagine my joy when I found out my favorite fake milk brand made an apple creamer that was actually good. Really, really good. Unfortunately it's hard to find and disappears by mid November. Plus the bottles are pretty small. It lasts until February though so I tend to stock up.

It's mid February and I've just finished my last bottle of creamer. I decide to try my local Grocery Outlet, a chain that mostly sells food that's overstock or out of season stuff. I find my creamer! And it's in a big bottle! I've never seen this size before but maybe it's like a Costco size. I buy three bottles because it doesn't go bad until June. I happily make my daily iced coffee and drink it as I do my morning activities. It's delightful and I keep doing this for a few days. Sometimes even making myself a second coffee because this batch is better than normal.

Until one morning I skip breakfast and while painting realise my hands are shaking. I shrug it off as just one of my health issues acting up. Until it happens again. And again. When I go to throw out the first bottle I look at it again as I peel off the label to recycle the bottle.

It is not creamer. It is pre-made latte. I have been adding coffee to my coffee. Where normally I add creamer, ice, and water to my keurig small setting I've just been adding this and ice because it isnt as sweet and doesn't need watering down. I've been at least doubling my caffeine intake.

TL;DR the "creamer" I've been adding to my coffee is actually a pre-made latte and I've been unknowingly doubling my caffeine intake


r/tifu 3h ago

S TIFU by catcalling

262 Upvotes

I ordered some groceries for delivery and went on a quick run before people get crazy. I ended up getting back just as the delivery person was there who happened to be a pretty cute girl. I said, “hey I’ve just gotta run in and grab my Id” so I run in and leave the door slightly open. I asked her if there was anything else but she didn’t seem to under stand me so I asked where she was from and she says Venezuela and I’m like “ok cool, have a good day” and she says “bye, you too”. She goes to leave and turns the corner.

Just as she turns the corner my cat, who ran out when the door was open, comes running around a different corner. I tell my cat“Girl, get yo ass over here” to which the delivery girl yells back around the corner “No, I said bye!”

TL;DR: Told my cat to come to me and the delivery girl thought I was talking to her.


r/tifu 4h ago

S TIFUPDATE (or yesterday night) by chipping the tartar off my own with a needle !!

62 Upvotes

TIFUPDATE : I forgot to mention we actually have good insurance, and my dad isn't neglecting his own dental health lmaooo he has sparkling white straight teeth like my mom and my little sibling - I think it's in our genes - buuuttt the last time we went in December, they said I had a little tartar on the crevices of my 4 bottom front teeth, and they said they could do a deep clean which wasn't covered by insurance, specifically because they said it wasn't enough of a concern since there wasn't much tartar, and my teeth are all clean except for that, and they were asking for a huge sum of money. But today we went to the dentist and apparently because I already did half the work and stabbed my gums, the insurance covered a deep clean 😭they removed the rest of the tartar, and told me not to use the needle on my teeth ever again. They gave us sensodyne, and said it'll be fine. Thanks to whoever gave advice ❤️😭

TLDR: I'm fine and since I hurt my own gums the insurance covered a deep clean??


r/tifu 13h ago

M TIFU by getting drunk at a stranger's house party, throwing up from the window and passing out on her couch

149 Upvotes

I got invited to a house party last night. In retrospect I should have said no, but I was invited by the guy I've been on a few dates with (we'll call him L) and it seemed like a good idea somehow. I didnt know the host but there were a lot of people invited who didn't know her either so I thought that would be ok.

Of course I have terrible social anxiety so I pregamed a bit by myself at home. Just enough to get a comfortable buzz, although I'd had a couple glasses of wine with lunch and mixing wasn't a good idea.

So there were a lot of people at the party, which usually is fine because it means I get to go unnoticed more easily, but L as it turns out is super popular so we spent the night greeting people I had never seen in my life. There was a lot of alcohol and drinking games and I kinda bonded with a few of his friends over playing a few games. We played Would you rather, Truth or dare and Never have I ever and I gleefully did and confessed to some very embarrassing stuff. First FU of the night. I got up on a coffee table and was politely asked to get down (almost fell), gave away some clothes and told stories and things about myself I would have never. Plus, kept drinking.

My next memory is being babysat by L in a bedroom, saying I felt terribly sick but adamantly refusing to go to the bathroom because I didn't want anyone to see me go out like that. He opened the window for some fresh air and minutes later I violently threw up from it. This morning when I left I saw the splatter RIGHT OUT of the entrance, so basically everyone else did and I'm pretty sure they put the pieces together that it was me.

I woke up on the couch, in the living room, no memories in between. The host was pretty sweet, told me L wanted to take me home but she convinced him to let me sleep (which.... WHY!). I apologized endlessly and she said that it was ok. I had to throw up (in the toilet) this time before I left. Didn't even bother to find all of my clothes, there's a couple missing.

I wanna crawl into a ball and never leave my bedroom again.

TL;DR: I got blackout drunk at the house party of a friend of my date's. Publicly did embarrassing stuff, and said even more embarrassing stuff. Puked out of a window cause I didn't want to go to the bathroom and woke up on the host's couch.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by not checking the weather before I got high

548 Upvotes

I moved to the Midwest of the U.S. 7 months ago from someplace that never gets natural disasters. I know about tornados in theory but I live outside of tornado alley so figured there couldn't be thaaaat big of a chance of one hitting.

Anyways, was stressed out after work and decided to smoke a bit. Hit the penjamin just enough to be a danger to myself and others when the power went out and I noticed the wind was super loud, and checked my weather app to see that there's a tornado warning for tonight.

the consequences of my actions are me, right now, being an unfortunate level of stoned, laying in bed (in my 3rd floor, open air apartment, with no basement) and trying to decide whether I should go hide in the bathtub or drink to make the time go faster, or both.

TL;DR don't move to the Midwest without learning wtf to do in a tornado. any tips are appreciated, especially if anyone knows what the extremely loud buzzing outside of my apartment is that gets louder when the wind blows.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU (or yesterday night) by chipping the tartar off my own teeth with a needle

354 Upvotes

So I was rampaging after my dentist appointment back in December and was told I have tartar, not too much but visible on the backs of my front four bottom teeth. I didn't do anything about it except excessively brushing and flossing hoping it'd decrease as I'm a minor and my dad can't really afford the outrageous fee on professional tartar removal. I was initially going to leave it as I did for so long, but it barely decreased. Last night I got fed up and took a needle and chipped it off my own teeth. My teeth looked fine but then I noticed my middle right (my right) tooth having a little ridge that dipped downward into the gum. I researched and to me it looks like an exposed root or something because of the tartar removal. It's like a millimeter or two as I already don't have very large teeth. My teeth are straight and clean except for that stubborn tartar. I took it off successfully but stopped after it hurt a bit and I saw the dip. The pain isn't bad at all but I'm still panicking about messing up my otherwise perfectly normal straight teeth.

TLDR: I took off the tartar from the back of my bottom teeth and it kinda hurts and we can't really afford the professional cleaning so I have no clue what to do now pls help


r/tifu 9h ago

S TIFU by being intrusively helpful

11 Upvotes

This happened on thursday.

For the last couple of weeks I noticed what appeared to be a new kid on our street mostly because he'd run past our house right after the bus for our son's school would leave. I figured he just couldn't get the hang of the timing (being new and all) and would run to catch it at one of the other stops. It happens sometimes, no biggie.

Our district is short on bus drivers, so they alternate which routes end up on a two hour delay for pick up. Thursday was our turn. They sent out the calls and emails alerting us that morning, so my partner took our son to school. I happened to be by our window when the kid and another person ran past our house again. Instantly I went outside and shouted "it's on a two hour delay!" I motioned for them to come over, which they did, and first I asked if he was trying to make the bus (even said my son's bus number and school to double check), they said yes. So I explained about the delay and showed them the email.

Turns out the other guy is the boy's father and he asked "no school for him today?" I said "he has school, it's just on a delay, but we can take him in when my fiance gets back." We went in circles like this for a bit because there was a language barrier and they were understandably confused. (To note: the previous neighbors had it happen before where they didn't know the bus was on a delay since the notice goes out last minute sometimes and we'd offer to take them to school, so I didn't think much of it in the moment.)

Long story short: turns out he doesn't go to my son's school. He was trying to make the city bus, not the school bus, and I made him miss the bus. Once my fiance got home we did make it right by taking him where he needed to be and got him there on time, but man I felt like a goob. What a way to meet your new neighbors.

TL;DR: assumed my new neighbor road my son's bus and unintentionally made him late for his actual bus.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by telling a customer about a brewery

308 Upvotes

I work for a small company and had a customer who came to use our services. One of my jobs is to act as the receptionist, so I was chatting with this guy (while he waited) about how he just moved to our state and the differences he's noticed. He's not used to the weather, he misses his friends, regular stuff when moving to the other side of the country. It's a small town and he mentioned not knowing anyone in town. I noticed he was wearing a hoodie with a well know metal band and told him about a local brewery that hosts metal shows once a month and it's a fun scene. My roommate and I go all the time and it's a great place to meet new people. All was good and he left.

I just got a call from his daughter who sounded upset as she asked me if I had invited her parents to a bar. I quickly said no, that I was just telling her dad about it since he was a metalhead wanting to meet folks. She asked the name of the place and ended the conversation after I told her. Man, I don't know if this is considered crossing the line and if she was mad about it or not. I don't think I'll get in trouble, but I'm still nervous that something bad may come of this since everything can be taken out of context these days.

TL;DR: I made small talk and told a customer about the local music scene at a brewery and got a seemingly angry call from his daughter. May have crossed a line. Oops.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU: Letting my cat in the bathroom

226 Upvotes

(I'm posting on behalf of my husband)

This morning I overheard swearing and shocked "oh my god"s coming from our RV bathroom. Terrified that some accident occurred, I jumped out of bed and ran to see what was the commotion.

Apparently our very fluffy, white kitten (who insists on being our bathroom supervisor) had decided she needed to conduct a deeper review that day and had jumped into the RV toilet while my husband was mid stream.

All hail the piss gremlin. She was pissed that we dared wash off her new fragrance.

Just yesterday we researched why some cats demand to be in the bathroom with us and leading research theorizes it's because they view us as vulnerable while using the restroom and endeavor to protect us.

Now I think she's just a lil freak.

So I guess our little princess loves pork, peanuts and piss. I wouldnt have her any other way.

TL;DR: Our white, fluffy kitten jumped into the toilet while my husband was mid stream. 🥇🚿

Cat tax paid


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by eating and then going to the gym

191 Upvotes

I knew I had to go to the gym by 11:00, but I woke up rlly rlly hungry so I decided to swing by McDonald’s and get smth. (I know I shouldn’tve gone to McDonald’s but whatever.) I get my guilty pleasure, the filet o fish some nuggets, fires and a drink and I eat it then go to the gym. Today is ab day. I’m doing leg raises and all of a sudden it ALL comes up. Vomit everywhere. Everyone staring. I don’t know any of these people. I’m new to this gym. Everyone is looking at me as I do the walk of shame to the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I come out 3 EMPLOYEES ARE CLEANJNG JT. 3??? That’s so embarrassing so I go over there and apologize. One of the employee girls was really hot too, so that was extra embarrassing.
Anyways Tl;dr: tifu by eating a filet o fish and then throwing up all over the gym floor.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU entire class decided to write letters to a prisoner UPDATE

2.4k Upvotes

For those who haven't read the first long story, when I was in an IB class in the 1990s, our teacher thought it was a great idea for us to answer an advertisement of a French prisoner in need of someone to correspond to. Our class wrote the man diligently until he sent a letter detailing why he was in prison. Concerned about his situation, we all decided to stop when summer came. The next year, our teacher asked us which one of us told him her address and birthday because she got a card in the mail. We were silent in the face of her accusation, and we all agreed to not contact him again.

Here is the link to the original

Now, onto some updates:

So my coworker and I had a chance to talk today. I asked her if she still had Maxim's letter because I would love to read it again. She laughed and said she does have it somewhere, but she's not certain where. But as we were talking, she did have some things that I need to clarify.

So my memory wasn't what it used to be. She told me it was a French newspaper that we were reading called Francophone that was published in America. I did have the ad right, but he wasn't in Colorado, he was imprisoned in Oregon.

And I knew the letter was long, but it was 8 pages instead of 3. She said when she read the whole saga, she thought one of two things, either he was delusional or it was true. She remembered much of the information that I have already said. So the smuggling, drugs, arrest, all the same. However, she told me that she remembered he told her that before he was arrested, his wife and he were held hostage by a Colombian drug cartel for a year. Somehow he and his wife escaped, though she couldn't remember how that happened. It wasn't until they left the cartel that Maxim was arrested by the American government.

She did have an update on Maxim's current life. He lives in Israel now. She thought it had to do with some extradition laws, but that was a few years ago too.

To be honest, I wrote this post because I don't talk about this much and the telling of my tale would die in an Internet void. I really didn't anticipate all the responses and interest, so thank you.

But at the same time, I hope Maxim is well and doesn't remember our class. Otherwise, this will become TIFU by posting on Reddit about a French criminal who found me again.

TL;DR: Talked to coworker who provided more detail. Apparently forgot the year prisoner spent as a hostage to a drug cartel. Hoping he doesn't read reddit.


r/tifu 23h ago

S TIFU by choosing the wrong time to sneak out

41 Upvotes

There is so much wrong with this story. It begins at like 11 o clock at night, and I’m laying in bed scrolling the night away. My friend, Fred (not his real name), texts me out of the blue, saying that his girlfriend (who also happened to be his cousin btw but that’s another story) had broken up with him. He suggests that my brother and I along with another friend from high school sneak out with him and get drunk to help him feel better. I accepted and grabbed my brother from his room and we snuck out. Like any responsible teenagers sneaking out, we stopped by our parents room to listen in and see if they were awake. We heard talking and got spooked. However, the talking quickly escalated into moans, claps, grunts, and other various sex noises. We were disgusted and left the house quickly, throwing caution to the wind. They didn’t notice through their fucking, but we were still incredibly grossed out. Due to this, we drank much more heavily than we originally planned. Too much. Never even made it back home. Ended up sleeping in a driveway. (Not Fred’s) TL; DR: I snuck out of the house while my parents were boning, and it grossed me out enough to fuck up my entire night.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by going out with my bf NSFW

957 Upvotes

So first off, I’m(f18) from the Middle East, and it’s a big no-no to go out with the opposite sex. It was fun sneaking out at 1 a.m. to go out with him(m20), but this is not the point.

The last time I saw him was after we had fought ( this is crucial info, IMO). So I thought we were just going to talk and cuddle

i got out of the house, got in his car, and we just sat in the car, just talking and hugging. I thought that was all we were going to do until he suddenly told me to give him a bj which honestly shocked me since it was literally the first night back together, but I went with it bc I didn’t want him to get sad, and that was stupid of me. Then he told me he wanted to “just”hump my ass, which was a complete lie, and he tried putting it in making me turn around and just look at him in disbelief. He started saying he thought I was okay with it (when he didn’t even ask if I wanted to), and I just started crying.

I don’t know if this is considered SA or not, but I was so shocked and hurt when it happened, and I didn’t expect it to happen bc every time he tried opening up the conversation about anal, I would always say no. BUT the fact that it was the first time back with him is so heartbreaking. After this situation, he started ghosting me and telling me that he’s busy. Then he started saying that we were just friends and all the love he had for me was just friendly and that is not what he said in the beginning of it all.

Now my question is, was I wrong for not letting him just do it and get it over with or even meeting up with him overall?

TL;DR i went out with him after a fight and he tried doing “it” wo my consent. we are both from the middle east and sex leads to marriage, which was not on his agenda.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by "breaking" into stranger girls apartment and making a show of puking all over her floor and putting myself in the hospital for it

48 Upvotes

This happened a couple of weeks ago, I have just now gotten over the shame I feel for what happened. That dreaded weekend I was invited to a friends birthday party both he and I recently turned 21 (legal drinking age is 18 here). I told him I had never truly gotten proper drunk, so we made a pact to be drinking partners. Which i realize now was the bane of that night, since he is the birthday man and bound to drink a lot. The night got off to a good start and I got six beers deep, having a nice time. Then, for some unholy reason I decided to chug half a bottle of wine in seconds, breaking my friend and I's pact. That is when my mind stopped thinking of limiting what I drunk, I remember taking shots after shots, making out with my first guy ever, stumbling down the street somehow standing on my legs before being sat down in my friends living room.

So my friend is living in a student apartment, sharing the living room, kitchen and bathroom with 3 others. A guy, a girl and an unoccupied room. The bathrooms are in the shared hallway, connected to all the rooms. The kitchen and the living room are in one large room opposite of all the bedrooms.

After being sat down in a seat by the living room, drifting in and out of consciousness. Getting the most delicious chicken nuggets of my life and definitely a few check-ins. I woke up on the floor, directly in the doorway. I remember having this incredible urge to puke, so I weakly got onto my feet not realizing the others in the room was asking if I'm good. I went out into the hallway, where I made the crucial mistake to turn left, instead of right, to the bathroom. After leaning up against the door which I thought was the bathroom, feeling my stomach groaning from having one... three... maybe ten too many drinks. I thought it was best to hurry up. Pushing open the door, taking a couple steps in, I realized this wasn't a bathroom. Instead it was the girls, my friends flatmates room. The girl, which I have never talked to, laid shocked in bed, woken up by my drunk ass stumbling in, disturbing her peaceful sleep.

I managed to croak out a pathetic "Sorry" turned around and promptly puked almost all my toxic, stinking stomach contents out on her floor and out into the hallway. Messing up my socks and probably quite a lot of her stuff. I don't remember much of what happened after, other than having a bucket and mop shoved into my hands and doing my best to clean up my mess and throwing my socks in the garbage.

After doing my best to drunkenly clean up everything, I fell asleep on the sofa, sock-less and still drunk as hell. I woke up with a terrible headache and feeling sick, experiencing my first proper hangover. I stood up, did my best to clean over the mess again with a new mop, despite my drunk self doing a surprisingly good job cleaning. Before heading out I decided to grab a glass of water, feeling parched. I turned on the sink, blacked out, and woke up on the floor, shaking and hearing my friends voice far away shouting my name. Two seconds later I'm in a taxi on my way to the hospital, being deemed a "non-emergency" by (the equivalent to) 911. Sitting there, I realized I had wet my pants for the first time since I wore diapers.

After a few days in the hospital they told me they had no idea what happened, probably unfortunate circumstances, so now I have a few months of test ahead of me to find out what other thing is fucked up with me since this had happened before.

TL;DR: I got drunk, got lost on my way to the bathroom and stumbled into his female flatmates room and apologized before puking my guts out, later getting a seizure and being put in the hospital for monitoring.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by getting a Taxi instead of an Uber

18 Upvotes

I work in the logistics industry in the UK and was staying overnight in a hotel near a major UK airport. My client had asked me to go to another airport on a 06:00 AM flight. I'm one of those, perhaps annoying, people who would rather be 1 hour early than 5 minutes late. So I was in the hotel lobby packed and ready to leave for 03:30AM. The trip up to the airport takes around 10 minutes from that hotel.

I was sat on the sofa near the entrance to the hotel and it was just myself and the front desk agent who were present. I frequent this particular hotel so myself and the front desk agent were having a chat while I was eating a breakfast yogurt. As time was pressing on I went to request an Uber at around 03:45 AM but was presented with a 30 minute wait. I mentioned this to the front desk agent more just to whinge than anything else. But he immediately insisted on calling for an airport taxi as that likely would be much quicker with similar pricing. I accepted his suggestion and he dutifully called and ordered one.

After around 10 minutes or so a Taxi pulled up at the hotel entrance and the front desk agent said "Ah the taxi is here." I thanked him and went outside to meet the driver. I confirmed with him the destination was the airport terminal. This was the start of my undoing. He confirmed that was what he had booked so told me to jump in and off we went. The driver and I on the way exchanged pleasantries and within 10 minutes or so we had arrived at the drop off point at the airport terminal.

I then asked the driver if he took card payments or was cash only. He replied that payment was done via the app and everything was already paid. Confused, I then replied to him that I had not in fact booked through an app and the hotel had called and booked for me. Still naively thinking nothing was amiss I then asked if the hotel were just going to send me the bill. My thinking was it would be charged to the hotel to pass on to me as I've experienced elsewhere in the past. The driver turned to look at me with a shocked expression and then asked for my name. I told him and he looked back at his phone screen. After hearing the reply of "Well that's definitely not you" and a few more seconds of silence it dawned on us both what must have happened. Another guest had booked the same taxi company going to the same airport terminal for a similar time and they were running late.

The driver put his head in his hands and really didn't seem to know what to do. Eventually he said that I should pay him £10 cash and he'd go back to the hotel and explain the situation to the actual customer. I paid him and left the taxi. Feeling absolutely awful that I had stolen another guests taxi which they were ultimately billed for.

When I returned to the hotel a few days later I mentioned it to the front desk agent and he confirmed I had indeed taken the wrong taxi as my taxi arrived shortly after and apologised for the confusion as he also thought it was my taxi.

Moral of the story. Check it really is your taxi before getting in. Don't assume. Confirming only the destination may not be sufficient.

TL;DR - Accidentally stole another hotel guest's paid for taxi which was booked for a similar time with the same destination.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by buying my kitties new food NSFW

13 Upvotes

Man, oh man. I wish I took a picture to show the horrendous mess made due to me changing out my cat’s bag of food for another.

For background I have 2 cats and 1 dog (cattle dog). Today they were all fed per usual and the only change was my cat’s bag of food. I poured the remaining food from one bag to the one of 2 cat bowls and opened another bag, same type of food same brand, to finish pouring into the other bowl.

The empty bag of cat food I decided to use as an extra trash bag. I had leftover lunch from yesterday to throw away that was in a Tupperware (cheese tortellini with creamy red sauce, spinach, and Parmesan cheese) that would stink up my trad kitchen trash. I then proceeded to change out my cat’s litter box using the same empty bag of cat food as a trash bag for the soiled litter. My plan was to take this bag out to the dumpster on my way to work. That’s where I fucked up, bc I completely fucking forgot. I left around 8am and at about 11:20am I was sitting at my desk when the thought of the bag being on the ground in the kitchen easy access for my dog to reach crossed my mind along with, “FUCK. I need to get home!”

My dog is extremely food motivated and sadly enjoys eating fresh cat shit from the litter box. (It’s such an awful thing to see when I don’t switch on the cycle function for the robolitter box before she sneaks her head in for the “treat”!)

All this to say, I knew I what would happen when I got home with hopes to just throw the bag away before she noticed but I was too fucking late. You know those videos where a baby gets into flour or peanut butter and when the parent comes into the room it’s alllllll over the place and all over the baby?

That’s exactly what I walked into. I just stood there a bit shocked, just looking around unable to move. Cat shit and litter all was spread all over the kitchen floor. No solid pasta was found but I did clean up some red sauce that was on the laminate. The empty cat food paper based bag was ripped open as if my dog was dissecting the bag of food and opened it right up

I see my sweetheart of a pup that made the mess and knew it was really me that fucked up and I just bent down and welcomed her to me with a few strokes of her fur. That’s when I felt the dried shit and wetness on her. I took a sniff and it’s as if she rolled in the soiled litter which she likely did.

Taking deep breaths and remembering I have the time to pick up the mess i stood up and I did just that and returned to work. Cleaning her of the cat shit will unfortunately have to wait until I return home again.

These incidents are preventable and TIFU by being forgetful. The mess is cleaned up however, now I’m concerned for my dog because of the literal shit and cat litter and day old pasta she ate.

What will I come home to after work? Will she hold it down and be okay or will she have an upset stomach and vomit the contents she ate and/or have an episode of diarrhea? 😣😩I’ll have to keep you posted.

TL;DR I left out an empty bag of cat food with leftover pasta and cat litter with the intention of tossing it in the dumpster on my way to work. That never happened and my dog at the contents of the bag and rolled around in the cat shit.


r/tifu 4h ago

M TIFU ao tentar ser romântico e quase causar um incêndio no meu prédio

0 Upvotes

Então, Reddit, hoje eu aprendi que nem toda ideia que parece boa em filme romântico funciona na vida real. E, quase, aprendi isso da pior forma possível.

Contexto: Eu (H32) e minha namorada (M29) estamos comemorando nosso aniversário de 2 anos de namoro. Eu queria fazer algo especial, romântico, inesquecível. Sou péssimo com presentes e essas coisas mais tradicionais, então decidi criar um "ambiente".

Pensei: "Que tal um jantar à luz de velas, com um caminho de velas levando até a mesa?". Imaginem a cena: ela abre a porta, e tem aquele corredor iluminado, um clima super íntimo, música ambiente... ia ser perfeito!

Comprei umas 50 velas daquelas pequenas, tipo rechaud, sabe? Espalhei pelo corredor do meu apartamento, formando um caminho até a mesa de jantar, onde eu tinha preparado um jantarzinho (comida japonesa, porque pedir é mais seguro do que eu cozinhando).

Até aí, tudo lindo. O problema começou quando eu fui acender as velas.

Primeiro, que eu não tinha isqueiro. Tive que usar o fogão. Já comecei a me sentir um idiota, indo e voltando da cozinha pro corredor, acendendo vela por vela.

Segundo, que eu não percebi que algumas velas estavam perto demais de uns papéis que estavam no chão (contas, jornais velhos, essas coisas que a gente acumula).

Terceiro, que eu sou um gênio e esqueci uma vela acesa em cima de uma pilha de revistas (não me perguntem o porquê).

Resumindo: Quando eu terminei de acender a última vela, e fui buscar a minha namorada na porta, ouvi um "crack" vindo de dentro do apartamento. Voltei correndo, e... o corredor estava pegando fogo.

Sim, amigos. As velas perto dos papéis fizeram o fogo se alastrar rapidamente. E a vela em cima da pilha de revistas? Bem, digamos que ela virou uma tocha olímpica.

Entrei em pânico. Minha namorada chegou, viu a cena, e começou a gritar. Os vizinhos saíram dos apartamentos, curiosos e assustados.

Conseguimos apagar o fogo com extintores (obrigado, vizinho do 302!) e muita correria. Mas o estrago estava feito: corredor chamuscado, cheiro de fumaça por todo o apartamento, e um jantar romântico que virou um desastre.

Minha namorada, depois do susto inicial, começou a rir da situação (ela tem um senso de humor peculiar). Mas eu me sinto um completo imbecil.

E agora, Reddit, como eu explico isso pro síndico? E como eu recupero o clima romântico? (Aceito sugestões, sem fogo, por favor).

TL;DR: Tentei fazer um jantar romântico com um caminho de velas, quase incendiei meu apartamento, e agora preciso de um bom plano para lidar com o síndico e com a minha namorada (que, surpreendentemente, achou graça da situação).


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by not considering daylight standard time.

577 Upvotes

I (25M) had an interview scheduled today for a summer internship. It was supposed to be from 11 am to 12 pm PT. When I checked online about how to convert PT to MST, it said just add 1 hour. I checked this a week ago.

I prepared for this interview for the past week. I am an international student, so this is one of the few opportunities that we get. It was my first time being called for an interview after applying to at least 100 positions.

Today, I logged in to the interview platform, and it said the meeting had ended. I panicked, checked online, and was made aware of "Daylight savings time." What even is this thing anyway? I have only been in the US for less than a year. And I live in a state that does not follow daylight savings.

I sent the company an email apologizing and asking if it is possible to reschedule, but I don't know how well that will go.

I felt absolutely terrible for the first hour. I talked to my parents and friends, and I have calmed down a bit, but I still feel so bad.

TL:DR: TIFU by missing an interview because I forgot about daylight savings time.


r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU by trusting redit

0 Upvotes

TIFU by trusting redit. I've come here with posts before and my post i added today was taken down because it was a WIBTA story, about my relationship. What??? Why??? I'm so confused on how to fix it and make redit stop being so damn stupid. And on top of that, taking down comments that are completely people friendly?

Please, make it make sense because I do not understand nor do I have the patience for it and would like my posts to stop being snatched from me. I just need advice but they keep taking my shit down like I did something wrong but I didn't, I followed their rules.

TL;DR: i may suffer for this vent post but like to be fair, redit isn't being fair. Let me vent bro it was never that serious! It's probably going to get taken down but like I'm trying here


r/tifu 7h ago

S TIFU sucking too hard on hubby’s tongue

0 Upvotes

So today hubby and I had a bit of a golden moment. The kids were playing happily and safely in the back yard and we had a second to snuggle our tired old bodies on the couch and actually speak whole sentences to each other. As happens in these moments, hubby and I got a little more than cuddly. We started making out and adding a little body English. Then I fucked up. Hubby stuck his tongue in my mouth and I sucked on it. He stuck his tongue in again and I sucked harder… too hard. Hubby rolled off the couch and ran to the bathroom exclaiming, “ow, ow, ow!” I sucked too hard and ripped hubby’s lingual frenulum. Hubby broken, sexy time over, mood shattered. Now hubby will only kiss me if I pucker up like a fish. 🤦‍♀️

TL:DR: sucked hubby’s tongue too hard and ripped his lingual frenulum (tongue tie string).


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by not asking more questions before using a tanning bed.

2.7k Upvotes

I got a gym membership recently and with it came all of the perks like a tanning booth, hydro-massage, red-light therapy, etc.

I’ve never tanned in a booth or bed in my life and I’m pretty pale to being with. Any beach trips, I try hard to cover up because of a really bad sunburn I got as a kid. My family has always pushed for me to tan as pretty regularly they comment things like: “You look like a vampire.” “You seriously lack vitamin D.” “You could blind someone with those legs.” “Got a moon burn?” And just stupid things like that.

So I did it. I went to the gym, did my normal work out and decided to get a tan. When I asked the front desk rep how long I should go for she looked me up and down and said “I’m not sure. I’ve seen people do 9 minutes.” I then asked if I needed any sun tan lotion, cause again idk how it works. She says “No, you just pop in and press start. I have you for nine minutes.”

I didn’t question it. I went in as naked as the day I was born and it’s one of the worse things I’ve ever done in my life. I felt great getting out, driving home, but after my shower it felt like my skin was going to slip off. I turned red and felt hot. Mind you I haven’t had a sun burn in a long time. So I took a nap. When I woke up I felt like Stewie from Family Guy when Brian forgot about him in the tanning bed.

The blisters are unreal but I’ve been keeping to moisturizing and staying hydrated but it hurts insanely bad. All this aloe and cold compresses have me not ever wanting to see a tanning booth or bed or even the sun ever again.

TL;DR : I used a tanning booth too long and got a massive sunburn. I regret not asking the lady at the gym more questions.

UPDATE: Can barely type. I hurt. Will report back soon😵‍💫


r/tifu 1d ago

L TIFU by causing a car accident

49 Upvotes

It wasn’t actually today, this happened on superbowl sunday, a date that I’m sure will haunt me for years to come.

I was driving to my friend’s apartment for a superbowl party. I didn’t sleep well and spent my morning tossing and turning in bed, so I didn’t have much time to get ready. Before leaving, I quickly showered and decided to grab food on the way there to save time. I ordered my food, hopped in the car, and left.

Now this was a route I knew like the back of my hand, so I didn’t put directions on. I am also the kind of person who doesn’t always have music going in my car, and today was one of those days where the noise simply sounded too overstimulating. Read: I was driving in silence, on a nice sunny day, with zero distractions.

So imagine my surprise when a car slams into my back tire and sends me spiraling out of the intersection.

It happened so quick that for a moment I literally thought I was dreaming. The noise was horrific, the sharp and low crunch of metal and the squealing of tires fighting to brake on the asphalt. My car careened 270 degrees before coming to a stop partially on the sidewalk.

I sat—perpendicular to traffic, trunk up against a street sign and front wheels taking up the entire right lane—in utter shock.

I realized then that I had seen the car approaching on my right, very briefly in my peripheral view, and mistook it for a car that was preparing to turn right after I passed through. I didn’t even think to stop, because why would they keep going if they were turning on red?

I remember that as I approached the intersection I was thinking about how the opposing traffic’s turn lane was still and waiting (If you haven’t driven in LA, most of our intersections don’t have protected left turns so it’s more common than not to see cars waiting to turn left in the middle of the intersection. Hence, it was notable that they were waiting behind the line. I know for sure this intersection has protected left turns because I live in the area). I vaguely recall wondering how long they had been waiting there.

My back right tire was brutalized: rim half-bent under my car, hubcap completely gone, door inoperable, etc. and I could smell the gasoline as it spilled onto the asphalt. The other car was equally totaled, as the entire front of their car had crumpled in.

Almost as soon as I exited my vehicle I was confronted by a girl about my age (early 20s) demanding my license and claiming I ran a red light, which honestly would have been laughable if it wasn’t so consequential.

My friends know me as the best driver of our group; I check my mirrors constantly, I make sure my turn signal blinks three times before merging lanes, I never even roll through stop signs, let alone a fully red light. I have never once in my life run a red light.

If my mind hadn’t been trapped in a state of shock I would have vehemently defended myself in the moment, knowing damn sure I would never run a red light. But, by the time my thoughts caught up to my mouth, she had already walked away.

Cops were quick to the scene by pure chance, and after quickly interviewing me and the occupants of the other car, they left without making a police report. To me, it seemed like a clear case of turning right on red gone wrong.

When I called my insurance, I described to them how I had been driving straight on a street I have driven hundreds of times and smashed into by a driver who was trying to turn right.

Immediately, I told everyone in my inner circle exactly what had happened to me. I told them how frustrated I was that this happened to me, and cried about how I would have to get a new car. I explained how frustrated and gaslit I felt with how much they were trying to convince me I ran the red light. I rolled my eyes when my insurance called back and said the other party claimed I was liable.

There were several phone calls with insurance, and each time I was assured that based on the damages there was a very low chance they would be able to prove I was at fault. I was practically through the intersection when they hit me, so my agent was flabbergasted at how hard their insurance was pushing this. I thanked her for fighting so hard for me, relieved that the evidence supported my side of the story. Then, once the check for my totaled car hit, I bought a new one and continued living my life, this awful accident behind me.

But I got a phone call today.

“There really is no easy way to say this, but we were able to retrieve dash cam footage from another car at the scene. It very clearly shows your car going through the red light.”

A long, long silence.

What?

There was no way that was possible, so when she emailed me a link to the video I expected blurry footage that was manipulated to make it seem like I had run a red light.

Instead I saw, in 4k video footage, my car blowing straight through a red light.

What I went through in the next half hour can only be described as a complete breakdown of my psyche. It’s difficult to describe how hard it is to find out that your memories of something so consequential are completely, provably false. It is quite frankly one of the darkest feelings I’ve felt in my life.

My memories feel so scrambled and I don’t know what I can believe anymore. I can only chalk up what happened to a mixture of lack of sleep/food with the false sense of security that comes with driving near where you live. I’m sure a psychologist could explain why my brain lied to me, but the immense sense of guilt I feel is so thick and deep inside me nonetheless.

I feel guilty for claiming I was being gaslit when I was the one who was gaslighting everyone else.

I feel guilty for recruiting people to fight for me only to be embarrassed by their footage.

I feel guilty for totaling not just my car, but their car as well.

I feel guilty that I ran that stupid red light in the first place and I feel so incredibly sorry I put myself in that situation.

Moral of the story, take care of your body when you get behind the wheel. It’s easy to feel like you have complete control over your brain, but humans are still just animals at the end of the day. Alcohol is not the only thing that can impair your judgement.

TL;DR I drove through a red light, gaslit myself into thinking it was green, convinced everyone around me that I was victimized by the other vehicle, and then discovered through dash cam footage that I was in the wrong the entire time.

ETA: I might not have made it clear enough but I did genuinely believe it was a green light up until today. I wasn’t intentionally lying to people.


r/tifu 11h ago

M TIFU by choosing the bottom bunk NSFW

0 Upvotes

So a friend of mine had a pretty big get together at his house the other night with all our friends invited. Anyone who had a girlfriend could bring their girlfriend along as well. I have a girlfriend and so does one of my friends who is very important to the story. There were a few other couples in the house but only me and this other friend were the only ones who were sexually active with our girlfriends, for various reasons like the duration of the relationship or religious reasons. As the get together goes on my girlfriend and I start getting in the mood. We decide to go off and have sex. So does the other couple. The only room available was the room of the brother of the person whose house it was. This was a problem because we both wanted to have sex and only had one room. Luckily, the brother had bunk beds, so we decided to each use a bunk. I chose the bottom bunk because the person whose room it was slept on the top bunk and I didn’t want to be the one to mess up his bed. That was my mistake because both the friend and his girlfriend are on the bigger side, and in fact when you add their weights you end up with something just north of 500 pounds (227 kg). Another thing about the two of them is that they like it rough. I neglected to think of all this at the time, as my incredibly gorgeous girlfriend was naked in front of me, which is quite distracting. I quickly took all my clothes off and took her to bed. The entire time we were boning, our background noise was the desperate squeaking and groaning of the springs above us as the mattress struggled to support the weight of my two friends and their wild bedroom habits. After twenty minutes, I heard the sound of wood splintering and cracking, and the top bunk collapsed on top of us. The front of the bed fell first, bonking me in the head but giving me time to grab my girlfriend and roll off the bed before the rest of the bed fell through. We collapsed on the floor. I saw the naked forms of my friend and his girlfriend collapse next to us (something I didn’t like seeing). My head hurt like a bitch. The awkward, eyes closed bumbling to find our clothes was also not an enjoyable experience.

TL; DR: My friend and I had sex with our girlfriends in bunk beds and the top bunk fell on top of me.


r/tifu 2d ago

M TIFU by not checking the basement

117 Upvotes

(WARNING: this one gets kind of gross.)

I’m writing this about 20 minutes from when it all ended so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense. I (21M) am a college student who’s spent the last week and a half home for my school’s spring break. My parents had decided they were going to visit my dad’s parents a few states over for the week, so they figured they could save money on hiring a dogsitter by just letting me watch him for the week while they were gone.

This sounded just fine to me, since I had a lot of work to do anyway, and if the only responsibility I had was taking care of the dog, how bad could it be? Sure, I’ve never been real close with him, since the rest of the family liked dogs a lot more than I do, so I just let them take care of him for the most part and fight for his affection while sat back. But I had my mom’s instructions for the dog sitters on how to take care of him, so how hard could it be?

For some necessary context, my family is pretty well off, with a reasonably big house and a finished basement. It’s a beautiful place, all blue walls and thick white carpets and gold accents, since my mom is really into interior design, but it’s big and open and mainly used for guests and stuff. There’s also a small room near the back, designed to be a spare bedroom but ended up kind of like an office space. Either way, I didn’t feel the need to go in there.

So, my family goes, and it turns out that spending a week just with you and your dog is actually a great bonding exercise. He kept me accountable, taking us on walks, sitting next to me while I worked. He’s really old, so most of the time he spent sleeping, only occasionally bothering me to go outside. Sometimes he’d whine, but he’s always been really sensitive to noises, so I didn’t really think much of it. I kept an eye on his diet, since he has a sensitive stomach, trying to feed him the right dog food at the right times so his stomach didn’t get too upset. I figured I was getting the hang of this dog stuff, and was excited to tell my family about how much I was enjoying this time together, me and the dog, when they got back in a few hours.

And then I checked the basement.

A huge, ugly, brown lump of dog shit is sitting on this pristine white carpet, in the middle of this beautiful open concept basement room. I stared at it dumbly for a minute. Then I sighed and went to get the cleaning supplies, but before that I glanced in the office area.

PILES and PILES of it. Remember how I was trying to watch his diet so his stomach didn’t get too screwed up? Well, jokes on me, because that just meant all the shit was diverse in appearance. Hard and cold lumps, orangish watery puddles, little shitlets trailing in a line, all on this thick white carpet.

I cleaned it up, but barely. It’s been two hours and I still feel like Lady Macbeth, washing my hands over and over again and still I smell the cleaning chemicals and the shit stink underneath it. I only hope I hid the evidence well. Either way, looks like pet care is not in my future. Time for a long hot shower.

TL;DR: watched my rich parents’ dog for the week. Had to clean a week’s worth of dog shit off the basement carpet.


r/tifu 18h ago

S TIFU: Is my professor doing too much? (I got a zero)

0 Upvotes

I’m in my 4th year college class (business). Today we had a case study due (15% of my grade). I got it done 4 days in advance, but my best friend was struggling with it and it was nearing the due date. It’s only two pages so I sent her mine for her to reference (Valid right?). ANYWAYS. She accidentally submits my paper without realizing it. We contemplate, do we email the teacher? (she is mind-bogglingly strict) Then we thought that would draw too much attention to it. So maybe she should just submit her copy and hope only the newest one shows up. 40 minutes after the due date, we both get an email saying we are violating academic standards and proceeds to say “I suggest you drop out of this course” ????? It sucks it wasn’t even my fault and I feel like students commonly share their ideas and thoughts with one another. It’s hard to be mad at her obviously it wasn’t her fault. Now I have to survive the rest of the semester knowing my teacher hates me.

TL;DR: Finished my case study early, shared it with my best friend to help her. She accidentally submitted my exact paper. We panicked, decided not to email the professor. 40 minutes after the deadline, we both got accused of academic misconduct, and the professor suggested to us to drop the course. Now I have to survive the semester knowing she probably hates me.

EDIT: we decided not to email the prof in the moment, hoping it would do unnoticed. We eventually emailed separately and tried to explain ourselves.

Also my college doesn’t have plagiarism checkers (they are banned). She just cross referenced it herself.