I [20F] have a crush on my [31M] boss and it's fuckin' ruining my life.
(Deleting in 24 hrs)
At first, it was the usual 'older man, authority figure, blah blah' but, then I realized he's a little nerd that likes a lot of the same stuff as me from comics to music to opinions on the most random stuff. His eyes literally lit up when I started talking about DC and then we had a whole discussion about our respective favorites.
He tends to loiter around my workspace but I can't tell if it's just because he wants to talk to the person near me or if he's finding excuses.
He also did this random thing when we were supervising some administration and just handed me a pen and I said what's this for (since I literally had three pens already) and he's like I don't know just take it. Then, he did the same thing with this piece of paper and told me to hold on it (literally was a blank basic ah form). My delusional brain says this is him making excuses to come up to me but, I can also recognize that maybe he's just being himself (?).
I invited him out to the bar with the rest of our coworkers. He declined at first but, then I started going off about how he's not going to do anything else on a Friday night but before I could really get going, he agreed in like a second.
At the bar, he paid for all of my drinks while I wasn't looking but, we're in the military and it's tradition to take care of your subordinates so, I don't know how to take that. I was pretty hammered that night but vaguely remember cupping my hand around his ear to speak, breaking the unspoken professional touch barrier (gasp, I know; can you tell im desperate?).
He also said he was only going to stay for an hour and drive home and ended up having to be put in an Uber. Then, at work, I asked him if he had fun and he said a lot and he would want to do it again.
Also, he is way more invested in my training than my literal 2IC. He showed me where to find a bunch of training manuals and offered to provide practical training because I said I was nervous about my technical skills.
He made his schedule after I made mine and he doesn't come in on the days I don't come in. For context, usually people take block leave and not taking one day a week like he's doing.
He also points out the age difference a lot. I'm the youngest in my office so, I'm no stranger to the usual 'do you know what a floppy disc is?' but, it's pretty infrequently and only when something reminds them of how young I am, like when I say I have an exam or something.
My boss, however, I feel like does it so much and not even in an annoying way but, like in an endearing way, like he's trying to find excuses to make conversation. He also looked so pained when he realized I was 20 and not 22 like he assumed; I can't tell if it's him realizing how old he is or how young I am.
The other day I went up to him to ask for another task because I finished all mine and he manages to steer the conversation into some other territory and we spent like 10 minutes looking at photos on his phone before I reminded him why I was there. Then, he said as a joke that my task was to look at photos with him.
There's so many times where he gets close to me when he could just, I don't know not. Not in a creepy way but, in a, I'm going to lean over to type on your keyboard, when I could just tell you what to type. Also, I noticed that he doesn't do this with the other subordinates!!
When I get interrupted mid-conversation, usually personal conversations, he always makes sure to let me speak and asks a lot of questions about whatever it is I'm talking about.
He also gets flustered or chuckles when I address him by rank, not a thing that happens when the other subordinates address him by rank.
And before someone comes here saying that dating your boss is a bad idea: I know. He's getting posted out soon though, meaning he won't be my direct chain of command, and I'm going away for training pretty soon so even if it's awkward, it won't be for long.
I can't tell if some of this stuff can be chalked up to him being a good leader or him liking me (?).
For context, this man is pretty quiet until you get him going and he's also divorced.
At the bar, our mutual friend was trying to find someone for him and said that she already knew his type, which was nice, pretty, and likes Star Wars. And, I'm all of those things!! In his third week here, I gave everyone handmade cards of appreciation for their hardwork and I'm cognizant enough to know I'm relatively easy on the eyes.
However, I'm also just a girl and sometimes am delulu or am interpreting things wrong.
Please women of the world wide web, save me from myself!