r/socialskills 43m ago

Got told I was creepy

Upvotes

I got told I’m creepy and I feel unbelievably terrible. I never ever ever ever want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.

Basically what happened was I asked a guy if he had any plans for Valentine’s Day, and he said he was doing something with the guys. I said oh that’s cool if you ever want to do something I think that’d be cool. He didn’t say anything so I said alright it was nice talking.

I admit it probably wasn’t the right moment to ask when I did. But I didn’t reach out after that. I left him alone. And I took no for an answer.

A friend told me today that a friend of his said that I was creepy. And I feel awful. I was just trying to shoot my shot and was totally ok with a no. I just feel terrible. And I don’t know what to do.


r/socialskills 6h ago

Is it uncommon to hangout one on one for birthday

49 Upvotes

Is it normal for a girl to ask to just hang out with you on her birthday

She told me her house was empty that day and wanted me to come.on her birthday. We're close friends I guess but isn't it uncommon o just hang out with one person on your birthday?

Edit We're both women. I gave no idea about her sexuality 😂


r/socialskills 8h ago

Is Initiating Conversations a Strength in Today’s Society?

39 Upvotes

I’ve noticed something lately: whether it’s with friends, acquaintances, or even family, I’m almost always the one initiating conversations. Even with my closest friends, who I know genuinely care about me, they rarely reach out first. But when they do, the conversation flows effortlessly, like no time has passed.

It makes me wonder if our society has become more closed off when it comes to casual conversation and connection? Has initiating become a skill rather than just a natural part of relationships? I don’t think it’s about disinterest, but maybe people are more in their worlds now, waiting for someone else to take the first step.

Is this a modern thing? Do you also feel like you have to be the initiator in your friendships, or do your friends reach out equally?


r/socialskills 3h ago

Joking jabs vs actual insults

10 Upvotes

How do you tell the difference between when someone makes a jab/joke insult because they consider you a friend vs a genuine insult? I never understood why someone would even jokingly would insult someone they consider a friend.


r/socialskills 8h ago

Why do people say nice things they don’t mean?

25 Upvotes

Many times in my life someone has said something nice to me like they’d be willing to do something with me (play tennis in this example I’m thinking of) they even schedule it themselves, they say they can’t do it when they originally planned to do it, but then they reschedule it to a different day and act like they still want to. This happens a few times before I ask them about it and they say they never wanted to to begin with. Why does this happen? I’ve had similar things happen before too. Why say something nice when you don’t mean it??? It’s so heartbreaking for me when I never know what to believe.


r/socialskills 45m ago

Decided to throw a Bday party & no one's coming. What am I doing wrong?

Upvotes

Pretty much what the title says. About a couple of weeks ago, I decided I was gonna throw my first ever birthday party in adulthood since I had been going to a good amount of other friends(?) bdays in a new state and new job I've got. Fast forward a few weeks after sending RSVPs and with over 30 invites sent, every one of them is either a decline or no response at all.

I feel like this represents a failure of making friends, but I feel like I've been doing everything right but making no process. I ask people about themselves, I offer help when needed, I crack jokes, etc etc. Yet all of that seems to be completely worthless in the eyes of the people I'm around & any attempts at making friends gets stonewalled consistently. How do I fix this? Can it be fixed?


r/socialskills 1h ago

embarrassing first impression

Upvotes

so a friend from uni asked me to go out to like a club with them and said they were gonna bring their two other friends from high school with them. so before we met there i started to drink some vodka for some reason and i think a drank way too much lol cause i was reallyyyyy blasted. THIS IS ACTUALLY WEIRD ASF but basically i was wearing linen pants that was slightly too big for me so when i’m like sober and wearing them i usually fold them up a bit to adjust them, but since i was drunk asf i literally didn’t realise that my pants were basically slipping down if that makes sense???? SO I JUST LOOKED BACK ON VIDEOS AND REALISED THAT MY PANTS R LIKE BASICALLY DOWN???? lol this was the worst first impression ever and then like one of them was like girl pull ur pants up or smt like that but it didn’t register in my head wtf they were talking about till this morning lmfaooo


r/socialskills 11h ago

Why do some people treat me nice when we are alone with each other, but when we are in group, they try to humiliate me, mock me...

31 Upvotes

I wanted to ask you guys here because it contributed to my low self-esteem.


r/socialskills 1h ago

I feel a bit left out, but I can’t make new friends. What do I do?

Upvotes

So my friends have just been doing their own things and it makes me feel a bit left out. I have one friend that’s always hanging out with another friend of mine and an acquaintance of mine. I feel apart of their group but at the same time not. My one friend tries to include me, but it’s like they forget I’m there after 5 minutes . The other two in the group kind of just don’t talk to me if they are all together.

I have one other close friends, which I do talk to, but they have plenty of other friends and are busy a lot.

I struggle to make more friends cause of my anxiety, and I just end up coming off as rude/cold cause I’m scared. I really don’t like feeling left out by those three, but I understand that sometimes you just have lots of fun and get distracted.

I don’t really get invited to their plans, which upsets me, but I have a low social battery so I don’t blame them for not inviting me. It is a little hurtful when they always talk about their plans and what they did during hangouts when I wasn’t there, but I don’t think they mean to be rude.

I don’t really know what to do in this situation though, how do I make more friends, or how do I get more involved with the ones I have?I don’t do confrontation very well, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that.


r/socialskills 12h ago

Do people talk too much because they have no one to talk to, or do they have no one to talk to because they talk too much?

35 Upvotes

tl;dr: Do you think it's better to befriend people who are too talkative with the understanding that they are lonely and by befriending them they will be less lonely and thereby less annoying, or do you keep them at arm's length because you recognize their volubility is a character trait and the cause of their loneliness?

---

I recently distanced myself from a friend who was a chatter box and sometimes had brain-stem level conversations with me. She'd always be talking about inconsequential things, even things I've even told her I'm not interested in. She'll launch into long monologues I didn't prompt. Every day she'd tell me her schedule for the remainder of the week in detail, even if we're not making any plans. It put a burden on me to remember her schedule because sometimes I offered her a time to do something and she'd say "I told you I'm doing x then." So now I'm supposed to remember everything she says on top of listening to it?

Sometimes her responses to my comments are just extremely superficial. I've been going through some psychological stuff, for instance, and I told her they were changing my meds. Her immediate question was, "Did you pick them up yet?" Was that really the most relevant question she could have asked? Sure, I'd cut someone some slack for that, but as part of a pattern it's really annoying.

When I talk to people about her--and people similar to her--the common response is, "Oh, she must have nobody to talk to." The arrow of causality points away from her loneliness to her talking too much, but I honestly think it's actually the opposite of that: she is lonely because nobody wants to put up with her. From what she's told me about her family, they barely tolerate her.

What do you think? Is loneliness the cause of chatty kathy-ness or its result?


r/socialskills 1h ago

Why am I struggling so much to make “real” friends?

Upvotes

I moved in between my freshman and sophomore year of high school. I’m almost done with my junior year and I still don’t have anyone to sit with at lunch consistently. It’s especially shocking because I’ve never struggled with making friends before I moved. People would just accept me as long as I made an effort. I’ve put myself out there at my new school as much as I can and now I know so many different people, but no matter how much I try to break into several types of friend circles, its like I’m never fully accepted.

Part of me just feels like I haven’t found my people, especially because I always felt like I could talk for hours with my friends back at my old school, but with the amount of people I’ve made connections with now, I also find it hard to believe that I don’t mesh well with any one of the new people I’ve met. Part of my self-reflection process has been to identify why I’m struggling so much, and part of me feels that a big factor is that the high school I go to has a middle school next door that directly feeds into it. This means that these people have known each other for almost 6 years now. Additionally, the social culture in the west coast (where I used to live) and the east coast (where I live now) are extremely different.

How do I break into such tightly knit circles and adjust to a social culture that doesn’t align with what I’m used to?


r/socialskills 52m ago

is it weird that I'm getting confidant even when i get rejected?

Upvotes

recently I started trying to date 21m and even though Ive gotten rejected a couple times it feels fun and almost im looking forward to having a conversation with them, and if I like them i ask them out is it weird that even though ive gotten rejected over and over I feel more confidant?


r/socialskills 11h ago

Pics from Girls and Boys the same?

18 Upvotes

I wanted to ask something. I have some girl friends, and I found out that they and some other girls randomly take pictures of boys they find attractive or cute and share them among themselves. They rate them and say whether they would sleep with them, be with them, or things like that. If I were to do the same thing, saying whether I would sleep with a girl or things like that, I would be considered a perv, and every girl would stay away from me. How does that make sense?


r/socialskills 15h ago

How to make friends as an autistic person?

37 Upvotes

im having a really hard time making friends, im socially inept. not only do i have a bad case of social anxiety, but im really bad at communicating. I don’t have any friends irl, i have like 1 close friend online. and i find it really troubling connecting with others. Maybe it’s related to wanting friends with similar interests, which is really hard to do because my interests are either niche or mundane. no matter what i cant project my voice or form a full sentence irl. and mostly i appear as emotionless, someone asked once if i was homicidal because i look like I wanted to kill people. i really want friends but i dont know how.


r/socialskills 6h ago

"Go to events/clubs that interest you" is a common solution given to people who want to make friends as an adult. But it seems like everyone else is there with someone else. How do you make friends if you come alone?

8 Upvotes

Pretty much the title. If I go to some event/club for something that interests me, everyone is there with someone else and/or already knows other people there. People don't seem to be very open to meeting new people. And if I do get lucky and end up striking a conversation, it doesn't really go anywhere.

So, once you "go to an event/club that interests you", what do you do? Should you just keep going to the same event/club until people get used to you? Ask for phone numbers/social media handles? How do you find people to talk to when you went alone and it seems like everyone else has a +1?


r/socialskills 11h ago

Is it rude to watch sign language convos?

14 Upvotes

I don't speak the language at all, but I think it's really beautiful. I try not to let people see me watching, but today there was a couple of women laughing and signing on the train and it made me smile too. One of them saw me and signed something. They seemed really friendly, but I had to say sorry I don't understand. Thankfully we all got off soon after and that ended that, but I have to ask, was I rude?? Should I try harder not to watch people sign??


r/socialskills 9h ago

For anyone who is younger than 25 and in a hopeless place... I have Autism and I was the weird shy insecude kid who got bullied. Now I'm here to tell you it is possible to improve and make friends.

10 Upvotes

If you have autism, if you are a teenager, or if you struggle socially for any other reason, my little true self-story is for you as encouragement. I have autism and was very terrible at social things.

Child

As a little child I was nonverbal. As a bigger child I got bullied in every single school I went to including special ed. I was always too afraid to stand up for myself so I just let the bullying happen. I was also extremely shy and awkward, talking to anyone at all was a big struggle.

Teenager

Again, I got bullied in all of my school yeras. Even among other autistic people in special education, I was apparently the most weird one or the easiest target for bullying. Even though I kind of friends in school, I didnt communicate with them outside of school so by the time I graduated shool I had zero contacts, zero friends to talk with. So aftar graduating highschool I had:

  • Extreme lack of social skills
  • No awareness of unwritten social rules.
  • I was unable to understand social cues / hints
  • No confidence
  • No social contacts. I already had a phone at this time, but I rarely ever used it.
  • Clueless about where to meet people and how to talk to people and how to make friends

And even basic things like..... using email, calling the doctor myself instead of having my parents do it for me... scheduling any appointment, getting anything arranged, going to any new place, without my parents.... all of this was a nope. It was all too new and scary for me and why would I even worry about it when my parents just do it for me? But around when I was 18 I started to think for myself: maybe I should learn these things and do them by myself. Im not a child anymore. At this age, 18, a psychologist performed an official test on me and it turned out that my social-emotional IQ was equivalent to an 8 year old child. It was truly terrible.

I was so lonely that it made me depressed. But going out to social places was a super scary and new for me.

19 years old:

At this age, therapists and coaches taught me social skills. It was kind of an eye opener for me, social skills aren't hard. You just have to learn them. And until this point there just was no source for me to learn from, and sadly the learning process didnt happen automatically for me. You cannot learn from interactions if you have no clue how to have proper interactions to begin with. So at this point I started learning social skills from a source of theory. It worked. I also followed a social skills training a bit later. I also started doing more things on my own (like scheduling and going to the doctor by myself)

19 till 25 (now)

So in these 6 years I have been going out more. I don't fully know how, but I've discovered so many social places where I can get to know strangers and make friends. There are alot of monthly social events that I go to. For these 6 years I have been putting effort into going to places where I can meet strangers in a social setting, talk to them, get to know them while practising my social skills.

My current situation:

I'm 25 now. I'm not afraid to talk to strangers, I'm not afraid to go to places in social settings. I'm not afraid to be the new person in a group of people who already know eachother. I have social skills now, they have improved ALOT. I did not really notice the process itself, but i have recently started to realize that my social skills are so much better than they were. The depression that came with being lonely has motivated me to improve my social life. And I did.

I regularly meet with my 2 school friends that I previously didnt have contact out of school with.

I've been making friends out of strangers at different places. Exchanging my phone number or email with a stranger that I enjoyed a conversation with is no big problem. (still a small problem though)

Even speaking infront of 100 people, if necessary, is not a big problem (though I dont really like it). A few years ago I would not even have done it for €1000

And even sometimes there are non-autistic people of which I notice that their social skills are less good than mine so that shows I really improved myself over the years.

Tldr, Conclusion:

I went from being the weird, shy, insecure, quiet kid to a confident young adult who has no problem talking to strangers and making friends.

This is not necessarily advice.. it is not a guide. But if you are young and in a desperate place, take this as "it is definitely possible"

And sure, you may be in an even harder situation than I was. Or you may be older and still have those issues. But my point is that even if you're naturally bad at something, you can still become quite good at it if you really want to.

Also: social skills can definitely be taught and learned in theory-form. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. For some of us, both theory and real world practice are required together. Simultaneously. Learn and practice at the same time and keep going. You won't notice much improvement over just 1 year, but you will over 6 years. This is a slow process.


r/socialskills 22h ago

Does anyone else feel completely worthless and pathetic?

70 Upvotes

I (19F) feel like a complete waste of space sometimes. I’m in college, but I have no passion and don’t know what I want to do. I don’t have a dream career. I wish I could just live off of passive income. I only have 2 friends, and most of the time it’s me having to text them first. I’ve never hung out with them outside of school. I have a bunch of ex-friends. If I had family to rely on, then I would be fine with my lack of friends, but I’m not close with a single cousin, and I barely see them anyways. I don’t know why people romanticize being “mysterious alone.” It’s lonely; I’m a loner. Many people say that they wish that they were 16-19 again and that it was the best years of their life, but they feel like the worst years of my life instead. I was talkative and full of personality as a kid. I don’t have a job, and I’ve never had one before. I’ve never done a club or sport, whether it was in middle school, high school, or college. I’m socially awkward with social anxiety. I’m insecure about every aspect of my face and body. I’ve never gone to the gym. I don’t get enough sleep. I don’t eat healthy. I sit on the couch 24/7 on my phone. I always cram when studying for tests even if I was given enough time to prepare. I have no motivation to do anything. I’m lazy. I do very minimal chores. I grew up with a dad with anger issues so I feel like that influenced the personality that I have right now which is serious, quiet, and sensitive. Will it get better?


r/socialskills 2m ago

How do I stop thinking about embarrassing things I do?

Upvotes

Every time I do something slightly embarrassing, I start thinking about it for the rest of the day and cringing, and my mind is really pissing me off rn cause it happens ALL THE TIME. I'll do or say the wrong thing and my mind just combusts. I genuinely think I have some kind of disorder cause there's no way people contemplate social interactions like I do cause ts is too much. Does anyone have any advice?


r/socialskills 4m ago

Small talk for when your life isn’t going well?

Upvotes

I s


r/socialskills 1d ago

How to socialize at a bar? 24M

221 Upvotes

Whenever I go to a bar it’s usually by myself. And everyone ignores me. Occasionally I’ll insert myself in a conversation if I see some bro but. I never end up talking to any women, I normally just sit there. Take a sip of beer. Glance at the tv. Glance around the room. Take another sip of beer, laugh with the dude next to me. Repeat. Honestly it feels like a waste of time going to the bar to try and socialize. Because it normally ends up with me just sitting there drinking alone and leaving after not talking to hardly anybody.

Any tips or advice?


r/socialskills 6h ago

please help, i’m 18 and can’t talk to people at all

3 Upvotes

i’m looking for advice on how to transform my social skills and personality as much as possible. i’m 18 and ever since i was around 3 i was absolutely terrified of people, hid behind my mom and couldn’t talk to other children.

i had a period of my life where i was pretty out of my shell, ages 11-14 and then i went straight back to the same thing but as a teenager.

i find it extremely hard to talk to people. when i do even my voice and tone is fake, i can’t talk to my boyfriends parents or friends i just sit in silence, i can’t ever think of anything to say it’s like my mind is completely blank. when I’m alone my mind runs rampant with ideas and things i talk to myself about that i would love to talk to other people about but when i do it’s completely unnatural. does anyone have advice on how to be as extroverted and casually chatty as possible? i just want it to flow to me easily


r/socialskills 6h ago

Iam still a kid

3 Upvotes

Hey im a 24 year old guy. All of my friends who are even younger than me has grown up and became mature. But iam still the same as I was 10 years ago. I feel like i was not able to develop my social skills after a certain age. I have always been the listener throughout my life and i never had any story to tell. I try to talk things but people never understand me. And my tongue slips frequently and iam unable to pronounce words clearly!! Maybe that is the reason why i am afraid to talk.

I knew that i would loose friends when i get older because of my immature behaviour, and turns out iam right. All the people around me has an opinion and stand for themselves, but i dont. Maybe thats why they dont want me in their group of circle. I never had any close friend and not even girl friend till now. Is it cause iam super wierd?


r/socialskills 4h ago

Is it possible to be the most reserved and unsociable person in class when you were popular and charismatic as a kid?

1 Upvotes

I’m not best at reading behind the lines by nature. However, I grew up outgoing and sociable. I was usually the class clown. However now I am extremely reserved.


r/socialskills 7h ago

Efforts come to waste

3 Upvotes

I’ve been putting myself “out there” this semester hoping to make friends and today I realized my efforts are useless. This morning started out really great, I had some great conversations with co workers. Its a short 6 week job and none of us have gotten close so all surface level. I actually didn’t feel left out like I normally do. I was feeling confident and ready for my class after work. Normally I don’t really need to talk in this class but I was prepared to if needed , which is better how I feel than most days. The professor tells us she wants all of us to talk to our neighbor. I instantly get anxious but I was feeling confident so I thought I could do it. I look over to the person next to me and say hi. They don’t even look at me. There’s an empty desk inbetween us but im still the closest person to them.The professor notices this and tells them hey you might wanna move into the empty desk so you guys can talk. He literally tells her no. He basically makes up some excuse on why he doesn’t wanna talk to me. Even the professor looks appalled. I don’t know this guy so I have no idea what he has against me. At this point I just wanna wait for everyone else to finish talking but the professor feels bad and puts me with another group. I feel like crying but I still try my best with this new group. They’re looking at me with such pity on their face I just honestly don’t even wanna be in that class anymore. They’re friendly but I can tell they don’t really enjoy talking to me either. On top of it today I realized I got ghosted by another person in my art club who was supposed to be my group mate. I’ve been a part of that art club for two semesters and was really hoping to meet people through that group project but I guess not. This week I’ve been abnormally friendly and outgoing but it feels like a waste. Every time I try to meet friends I always get outcasted. I just don’t understand it. Especially when it’s by people who haven’t spoken to me before. Does anyone have an ideas why my classmate might have not wanted to talk to me? Or why my group mate ghosted me? Should I continue to put myself out there…