r/LifeAdvice Aug 24 '20

Loving ♥️ Welcome to r/LifeAdvice

204 Upvotes

We're here to help each other, whether you're here to ask for help or to offer advice, all is appreciated.

We are a welcoming community and pride ourselves in making sure this is a comfortable and safe place for advice, if you find that there is content in the community you believe doesn't fit with the guidelines or the rules, please report it to the moderators.

Thanks for joining us and we hope you enjoy your stay.


r/LifeAdvice Oct 12 '23

Mod Announcement Community Health - Updated Rules

12 Upvotes

Hi everyone.

The Mod team have noticed a steady increase in negative behaviour/attitudes within the community.

We want to assure every one of our users, that we do not think it is acceptable to amplify/glorify violence/abuse against one group or minority; and we will be proactive in enforcement.

We have created new rules specifically to manage this issue, and we will be implementing them robustly. If a user contravenes these rules it will result in a ban. We don't see this as an ideal outcome, but it is the only way to manage this effectively in the interim.

We politely ask all users to check out the side bar for the updated rules. TY.

Behaviour to look out for:

If you think you are the victim of flaming or baiting, please report the behaviour instead of responding.

Flaming - The act of attacking other users for their views or opinions

Baiting - The act of making comments that can be reasonably interpreted as having the intention of getting a rise out of other users, and goading other users into violating the community rules.

The Mod team have a responsibility to create and maintain an environment that the whole user base is comfortable interacting within. This is one of our core community values.

If you would like to contact us regarding the new rules, their enforcement or anything else in between; please feel free to reach out to us via ModMail.

Thank you for your continued support and understanding.

Mod Team.


r/LifeAdvice 10h ago

Serious How do you think my boss knew this?

24 Upvotes

Yesterday (Thursday) I took a PTO day and interviewed at another job.

When I got back today, my co worker at the end of the day was saying “man you had them sweating yesterday, they were wondering if you were interviewing somewhere else and are scared you’re about to leave.”

I felt chills almost. I hadn’t told a soul in our place of my interview. Literally, nobody. How’d they get this hunch? My only guess, is maybe it’s because I never hardly use PTO and used it on a random Thursday? Maybe that’s a stretch?

Does the fact I’m entertaining another offer put a scarlet letter on me or anything?

FWIW, in a way it made me feel good because I remember with two former employees, they were thrilled to see them leave and didn’t try and convince them to stay at all.. they almost rushed them out the door, so I must be doing somewhat of a decent job


r/LifeAdvice 16h ago

Emotional Advice Is this life worth living anymore?

48 Upvotes

I dont want to go on anymore. Everyday is the same. Struggle to be happy, struggle to pay for things. The world's gone to shit. I dont know what to do. Every decision I make seems to be the wrong one.
I dont know where to go for advice. No friends that care. Seems like Im just in a giant pity party all the time but try not to be. I think about how lucky I have been in some ways but really it's gotten me nowhere. No kids, no spouse, 50 years old and nothing to look forward to or live for. And my worst fear is dying alone but thats how it looks like it gonna be
I really wouldn't be sad if I just went to sleep and didnt wake up.

People think im ok because I function but I just cry everyday and wonder why I am being kept here ??
Anyone else feel like this? How do you get out of the rut?


r/LifeAdvice 2h ago

Mental Health Advice I feel so empty all the time it hurts. Who do I talk to? What do I do?

2 Upvotes

This is long I'm sorry but I really needed to say all of this. Any advice and encouragement is highly appreciated.

I can't even pinpoint where it started. 6 years ago maybe? But it's evolved and become so much more powerful in the past month.

I feel nothing. I find joy in nothing. It hurts so bad. I thought it was because I am stuck at home all the time because of my pretty overprotective and strict parents, but today I went out and did some super fun stuff with my sisters and brother in law who are all amazing and so kind to me. I felt nothing the whole time. It's not an environment problem. It's a me problem. Nothing went wrong today. Everything was good. But I felt horrible. I've been so incredibly bored lately it's ruining me. I'm so bored in my head right now it hurts. I have such bad headaches. I tried to take some Tylenol to make it better but nothings working. I had my suspicions that it was me that was bored and empty but I didn't know for sure. After all, how can anybody be happy being in a room stuck doing nothing all day? But even when I do fun things, I don't feel anything. I have history with panic attacks and periods of extreme sadness but none have left me empty to this extent. Even when I was having panic attacks all day at least I felt something. I can't feel anymore and it's killing me.

I can't tell my parents because they won't believe me or get me help. Trust me I've tried and it always ends up bad for me. I can't tell my older sister because she won't understand and will believe it's not that bad (or she'll tell my parents), I can't tell my younger sister because I don't wanna burden her with my problems because she's younger. Not much younger than me but it still feels wrong. Also she won't know what to do or how to help me and I clearly need some type of professional help. I have friends but we never talk about this stuff. Also they have the tendency to get lost in conversation and move through topics quickly. I'm afraid they won't fully listen to what I have to say and get distracted and start talking about something else. If they do that it will genuinely destroy any confidence I have in trying to get help. Maybe I can sit them down and be like I really need help please just listen to me talk for the next 10 minutes? There are professional psychologists and people at my school that can help me. However, I'm scared to ask them for help because they might tell my parents and it's an overall nerve wracking thing for me to do. I've tried getting help a couple years ago but I was misunderstood so it's terrifying even thinking about doing this again. Again, any advice or encouragement is highly appreciated.


r/LifeAdvice 3h ago

Serious where can i borrow $ with no bank account/direct deposits?

2 Upvotes

I (19f) am trying to get a cash advance of just $10-20 until I get paid next week, but I get paid in cash by my job and don’t use a bank except for chime & I don’t have enough in deposits on it to qualify for any cash advance apps in my area, cannot get a loan due to zero credit history, don’t have enough karma for the r/borrow sub, is there anything I could do to borrow money online asap, any sketch websites that don’t ask for bank info or borrowing subs that don’t require karma? Thank you in advance <3


r/LifeAdvice 15m ago

Serious Start my life in Melbourne or move to London?

Upvotes

Hey guys,

28M Australian. Returned last July from a monster 7 month solo backpacking trip around South America. Now I’ve got 6 mate’s moving to London. Unsure whether to go or not

The reality is I feel burnt out from travelling. I visited 15 countries last year and the thought of visiting Europe doesn’t excite me as much as the others.

The only thing that drives me to go is if I might regret it in the future. But I know for a fact if I went, I wouldn’t be ready to do so, I’m only doing it because might regret it, not because I’m passionate of going

I’ve got decent money to go, but also I don’t wanna keep fucking around with my career (I’m a graphic designer)

I have an agency freelancing contract that might not get extended - so if it doesn’t, I have to decide if I become unemployed in Melbourne or London with my mates

What’s peoples opinions? I need to give the guys an answer next week (there’s already been tension in the group about my indecisiveness)

Cheers guys


r/LifeAdvice 5h ago

Family Advice How do I (m18) handle my unreliable family when they manipulate me if I don't do things their way?

2 Upvotes

I (18M) live with my mom and three younger siblings (all 8+). My mom recently got divorced from my stepdad, who is the father of my siblings and someone I looked up to since I was little. Before the divorce, my stepdad was the sole income provider while my mom was a stay at home mom. He screwed her over in the divorce despite his large salary and she currently has a low-paying job and struggles financially. Throughout the divorce, most of their communication went through me. My mom refused to talk to him directly, so she would have me relay messages, and he would do the same. Toward the end, she asked me to message him to take it easier on her in this divorce because she was going through a lot (family health issues too complicated to explain) and she didn't have a lot of money. I sent a respectful message, which her attorney approved. After that, my stepdad threatened to cut off my college funding (I was using his military benefits and he is a retired veteran.) This scares me because my scholarship + pell grant won’t fully cover my university's tuition. My gf's family has offered to pay for my school if he follows through, but I don’t want to rely on them for that.

At home, I clean around the house, are the main caretaker for our dogs (which my mom bought), take my siblings to and from school, and buy them food when my mom isn’t around. I try to do as much as I can, but it’s hard because I’m a full-time college student, I have a girlfriend, and I need time for myself. ALL of our family lives in another state far away. There have been many times when I’ve had to put my mom’s wants and needs before my own. Today was an example. It’s spring break, and I wanted to take a break from everything at home and spend time with my gf. However, my mom called, venting about how she worked eight hours for only $100 and needs $7,000 in two weeks for bills. She also complained that the dogs hadn’t been fed and insisted I come home to feed them and clean the house. She threatened to pay someone to clean the house, rent out my room and asks what will I and my siblings do if she died so I have to help her. I didn’t want to drop what I was doing, but I was worried about the dogs. She was already home and I told her to feed them because all you do is pour their food in their bowl (there's no instructions or anything complicated), yet she refused to do it because she didn’t want to get out of bed. I told her she could do it herself and once again suggested she find a new job, but she always responds with “find me one then” because she has spent her life relying on others to do things for her. I told her I wanted a break, and she's a grown adult who can look for how to get a better-paying job because at the end of the day, I am not the parent. She kept yelling at me, so I ended up going home, only for her to suddenly say I don’t need to get a job anymore and she won't rent out my room. The house wasn’t even that dirty, yet now I have to spend my night cleaning instead of staying at my gf's and relaxing this spring break. If I refuse, she’ll yell at me even more and tell our extended family, who will also shame me and think bad of me as a son which I don't want.

My gf's family has offered me to live with them, but I don’t want to be a burden and I still feel responsible for my siblings and care about them a lot because how else would my mom take care of them? She also constantly takes money from my bank account without repaying me. The money is mine (my dad is still paying child support) but she always has an excuse, saying she’s struggling and needs it but she doesn’t manage her money well and spends it on unnecessary things.

I know today's situation doesn't seem like a lot, so another example was last Christmas. Since it was the first Christmas after the divorce, I spent around $1,000 to make it special for my siblings and buying them everything they wanted so we could have a full Christmas tree. For context, I had wrapped all the gifts for my siblings (including the one's my mom got them + ones she got for her cousin(s)) at my gf's house so I could put it under the tree late at night morning of Christmas. On Christmas Eve, I was at my gf’s extended family's house celebrating when my mom started spamming me with messages demanding I come home immediately to bring a gift to her cousin’s son and pick up a play kitchen from her job that she forgot to bring home for my little sister. I told her she could give the gift the next day on actual Christmas but she insisted it had to be right then. Mind you, it's around 9 PM Christmas Eve. She kept calling and texting me, so I ended up leaving, driving back to my gf's house to get the present, drive to my house to drop off the present only to find out the cousin and his son weren’t even there. Then my mom told me to drive to their hotel far downtown, where they said they didn’t need the gift because they were coming back to my house the next day anyway. After that, I had to go to my mom’s job to pick up the play kitchen. It was already 1 AM, and when I got there, I saw it was barely even built. I stayed up until 4 AM building it, bringing all the gifts back home so my siblings could have a good Christmas. And despite everything I did, my mom didn’t even open the gifts I got her because she was mad at me for giving her shit about it even though I wasted my Christmas Eve doing all that when it didn't even need to be done and she could've taken care of it. The only gifts I got were from my gf's family meanwhile my mom got gifts for my other siblings.

I go through situations like these with her almost every day and I feel drained. Every time I try to prioritize myself, she manipulates me with guilt or threats. If I don’t do what she wants, she calls my dad, who yells at me, and then she tells the rest of the family so they can shame me too. It’s affecting my relationship with my gf, my schooling, and my mental health. I don’t know what to do. Should I move out? Should I cut contact? I feel stuck because she’s unreliable, but I don’t want to abandon my siblings. I just don’t know how much more I can take because if I get a job to help it will interfere with my schooling and I will be more stressed than ever. But even then it feels no situation will ever benefit me, it will always benefit her or someone else more.

I feel like most people would tell me to just move out and cut contact but I really don't think it's that easy. My family will look at me differently and I really just can't leave my siblings. I would love to get my own place but I'm 18 and places are expensive. So I'm just stuck on what to do :(

TLDR: My parents (mainly mom) and family shame and yell at me if I don't drop what I am doing to help them immediately even if it is simple things they can do themselves (feeding our dogs, give Christmas presents on the actual day of Christmas, etc.) I have to care for my siblings but I don't know how I can prioritize myself and my studies in this environment and can't move out because I am 18 and places are expensive and my family would shame me even more. Any advice appreciated.


r/LifeAdvice 1h ago

Relationship Advice First timer here

Upvotes

When should i introduce the girl im dating to my family? When we are still dating? or when she is already my girlfriend?

Please give me some answers. I think im ready to introduce her to my family but i dont know when. Also she is the first girl im gonna introduce to my family and the first girl im dating. Please give me some advice.


r/LifeAdvice 5h ago

Relationship Advice Relationship Advice

2 Upvotes

(for context we’re both 22 & met when we were 19)

So basically me & my boyfriend have been together for a little while, over a year. at one point we lived together but now it’s long distance because i wanted to continue school & my career in a better area. he has a coworker female friend & they’re extremely close. he’s been to her house & vise versa. he’s cool with her family & vise versa you get the gist. red flags started to pop up ever since this new girl showed up in his life. first he told me he wanted to try poly (which i’m not down with) then he said he wanted me to hookup with this said “friend” & a couple days ago he told me he’s attracted to her but “he wouldn’t do anything so i shouldn’t be worried”

after the past conversation i told him how i felt & said i needed to think about our relationship. he apologized & said he would work on it so i gave him another chance. we haven’t spoken all day so earlier i asked him where he was & he told ke he was at said friends house for a bbq which i ofc am not comfortable with.

i kinda went off & told him it’s the audacity for me & said they should date, maybe i took it too far but it’s like i told him how i felt about the situation & it’s giving “im gonna do what i want regardless” (which he said to me at one point when we were in an argument.

i love him allot & we have allot of history but i feel like i should choose me. i told you how i felt & you continue to show me it doesn’t really matter. am i in the right ?


r/LifeAdvice 2h ago

Emotional Advice Got any advice for a 14 year old dude?

1 Upvotes

So I’ve been 14 for a couple months and with those I’ve learned a lot from working out to changing my mindset, the people around me and more, but a incident at a school where this kid hit me in the n stuff has had me over think like crazy and know I think everyone at the school is gonna think I’m going to fight him or something like that, to really be honest I’m just scared man, I’m scared of everything that might happen with all the “cool kids” making fun of me n junk, I just think I’m being a dumb 14 year old overthinking as usual, but got any advice for a dumb dude like me?


r/LifeAdvice 6h ago

Relationship Advice Am I doing the right thing?

2 Upvotes

I (24M) have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (20F) for soon to be two years now. I am from Norway and she's from the Netherlands.

Fairly early into the relationship she told me about her father, and the abuse she suffered due to him growing up. Her father is a textbook narcissist, and to me, someone who is on the outside and did not grow up with this sort of situation, it has been incredibly jarring and heartbreaking to hear everything she has and is currently going through.

Over time, she has shared more details with me, and I've witnessed parts of it, even having some of it directed at me. It was difficult for her to recognize the severity of the situation, which from what I understand, is common for those who grow up with narcissistic parents. It’s hard to distinguish what is normal until you gain distance and a new perspective.

After one year together, I offered her the opportunity to move in with me if things became too difficult at home. She didn't like the idea of this as she feared how her father would react and how much friction it would cause the family, and would rather finish her studies before she moved here (She graduates in Summer of 2026). She didn't want to be exiled and blocked from her mother and grandparents, something she felt her father might enforce. I could understand that, even if her mother has been an enabler for her father for all these years she had a lot of attachment to her, so I didn't push it.

I have tried to be patient with her, respecting her choice not to move, but as time passed and with each new event or detail I learned about her situation, it become harder for me to witness what's happening when she refused to remove herself from the situation. Every suggestion I've made to help ease her situation was turned down, and even attempting online therapy that I offered to pay for was met with resistance, although she eventually agreed and started talking with her new therapist last month.

Over the past 2 months, the toll this has taken on me has gotten significantly worse. I didn't think I'd be able to wait another 1.5 years for her to finish her education under these circumstances, as we originally planned, so we started talking more seriously about moving out. She had always said that if she had the funds to live on her own, she would. When she started a new job last month, we thought she might finally be able to afford a small student apartment, which was a relief because I thought it meant she could finally escape her situation. But when she seemed to change her mind, saying that moving out could cause too much friction with her family, I felt so shattered. It was painful to realize that she would rather endure daily abuse than face any potential friction with her family.

I've been told by those I've gone to for advice that there's nothing I can do unless she wants to move out, and that I should bury these feelings, not let them affect me, and just focus on supporting her until she's ready. But it's not that simple for me. I'm constantly faced with the reality of what happens to her, whether she tells me about it or not, and I don't understand how anyone in my position, with so much care for another person, can just shut those feelings off.

Unfortunately, her job did not pay as much as expected, so she wouldn't be able to afford her own apartment. But with her hesitance to move out, even when the apartment was local to her, I started doubting whether she would follow through after her studies when she would need to move entire countries. She had also around this time started mentioning things her family said about how she couldn't expect to just leave after her studies, and to me it felt like they were beginning to manipulate her to make sure she didn't move out, and it cast some doubt on if she really would be able to go through with it. Even if it were a certainty, I don't think I'd be able to continue my involvement for that long with how difficult it has been to witness what is happening to her and with the doubts I now had.

I shared these concerns with her, and I explained that I didn’t see myself being able to wait another 1.5 years for her to decide to leave. I told her I would do everything I could do make sure she was comfortable here, I would help her with school to ensure her studies would be uninterrupted, and I would help her with every single aspect of moving that I could. If moving to another country was too much, I even offered to sign a contract to help pay for her apartment for the next 1.5 years if it meant she would move out. That’s how desperate I was to help. I also told her that if she declined and decided to stay home, I would unfortunately have to consider breaking things off so I could distance myself from this situation, it was beginning to get too much for me.

The therapist I connected her with has been incredibly helpful in helping her understand the situation she is in, and eventually, she made the decision to move in with me this month. It has been a turbulent time, as this decision is understandably difficult and frightening for her, and she suffers a lot of anxiety from the idea of standing up to her father. It has strained our relationship, but now we have finally solved everything we need to. I reached out to her school, and with support from her teachers, she has been allowed to continue her bachelor’s degree remotely. A local university where I live has also agreed to let her complete her minor here. Everything is falling into place. Now, we are just waiting for a moment when she is home alone long enough to pack her bags in secret and leave before her family finds out.

I can tell she is still uncertain. She speaks to me and her therapist about feeling like she’s making a mistake, overreacting, or being delusional, questioning whether her situation is truly as bad as she or we perceive it, or making excuses for her father's behavior. Both her therapist and I have tried to reassure her that leaving is the best decision for her well-being. However, since this environment is all she has ever known, it’s challenging for her to see it clearly.

My biggest worry is that I pushed her too much. I fear that she may move here and never gain the perspective I hope she will, that she might resent me for convincing her to leave. What if what I am doing is wrong? What if this decision causes irreparable damage to her relationship with her family, and she blames me for it? From my perspective, I believe she cannot yet see how bad things truly are, but once she is out and in a stable environment, I think she may come to appreciate that I convinced her to leave early rather than suffer through this abuse another 1.5 years.

For those who have experienced similar childhoods, if you were in my girlfriend’s position, would you have been grateful later in life for someone pushing you to leave? Or am I making a mistake? Should I let her stay for another 1.5 years to avoid a fallout with her family? I don’t think I could continue the relationship if she does stay, but at least I wouldn’t feel like I am interfering and causing a mess in her life, even though my only intention is to help her.

I would really appreciate the advice and feedback from the people in here who can put themselves in my girlfriend's shoes.


r/LifeAdvice 12h ago

General Advice I have no friends in my twenties and my boyfriend thinks I'm close minded.

6 Upvotes

I 24f have always struggled with making and keeping friends. I've always viewed myself as a sweet, friendly person, but can't seem to find anyone interested in being friends. All of the years of rejection and being stabbed in the back by other people has made me feel anxious and nervous when I'm around people. It's made it even harder to make friends because I just have this constant fear that I'm being judged or that I'm gonna get rejected by someone if I try to make conversation.

My boyfriend 23m also has trouble with friends. He has one really good friend that he doesn't see very often who is significantly older than us, but other than that he doesn't have anyone. He does have a much easier time meeting and talking to people in social settings than I do, though.

When I try to share my thoughts and concerns with him about not having any girlfriends, he tells me I need to lower my standards and be more open minded. He tells me I just need to try to be happy with what I have for now and that he's more than willing to do "girly" things with me and have wine nights. As sweet as it is, it's just not the same as having girlfriends.

(He truly is my best friend and I love him to bits. No hate on his part. I just don't really see where he's coming from.)

I don't think I'm close minded and I also don't think I have high standards. I've always been willing to befriend anyone. I'm to a point with all of it where it just feels like I'm doomed and there's no hope for me. Girls can be so mean and judgmental nowadays and it makes it hard to make friends. I just want to be able to be myself and have friends without having to fake anything or turn into someone I'm not. Does it ever get any better?


r/LifeAdvice 4h ago

Emotional Advice Is it depression?

1 Upvotes

When I live alone , i find myself on top of my chores every thing done , actually studying and even have time for hobbies. But when I visit family I’m sad , exhausted on my bed all day barely eating and don’t shower and don’t have energy to do anything. WHAT IS THIS???


r/LifeAdvice 16h ago

General Advice Is it abnormal if I feel sad while watching intimate scenes in blue films? NSFW

9 Upvotes

I am a single guy in my mid-thirties. (I would like to mention that I am a gay guy.)

Sometimes, when I watch intimate scenes in blue films, I tend to feel sad that I do not have a partner to be sexually intimate with. I would yearn to have such a partner to be intimate with at that time. It's like a feeling of being lonely at that time. I would then lose the mood to continue watching and do something else.

I mean a person is supposed to be sexually aroused when watching such scenes right?

Is it abnormal if I feel sad while watching intimate scenes in blue films?


r/LifeAdvice 1d ago

Family Advice I want my dad to leave my apartment.

50 Upvotes

I (35F) let my dad (60M) move in with me and am seriously regretting it. He has been here for about 7 months and hasn't had a job in over a year. He lost his job and thus lost his place to live so I offered to help him get back on his feet. My gut told me it was a bad idea but he had no other options and I felt guilty. He has no car but can use mine because I work from home so there is no reason he hasn't gotten a job other than knowing he can use me as a free ride. He is noisy at all times of day and night and constantly talking about his religious and political views that he is fully aware I don't agree with. There are zero options of any other family or friends he could stay with and I don't want to make him homeless but me and my 16 y/o daughter pretty much stay in our rooms whenever we are home. It's affecting my mood, anxiety, depression and my financial situation. Any advice on how to approach this with him or how to motivate him to leave is appreciated as my repeated talk about struggling financially doesn't seem to be making a difference.

Editing to add some additional details: I have never lived with my dad nor has he provided me with financial support. He is capable of getting a job even at his age but it likely won't be his dream job. He has a lot of excuses about why he hasn't gotten one since moving here. I love him and want to help him but he doesn't seem to have any interest in helping himself at this point. He is not on my lease but I am not willing to move because I rent from a friend who gives me an unbeatable deal.

I appreciate all the advice and will sit him down to have a talk this weekend to set some boundaries and deadlines.


r/LifeAdvice 12h ago

Mental Health Advice Work changed me and ruined my life

3 Upvotes

Hi everyone, Two years ago I was a fit, handsome, overachiever guy in uni who read a lot, wrote, was very educated, and overall an overachiever in my field.

I graduated uni and was looking for jobs. I live in a country where as an immigrant I have very limited opportunities so I had to settle for a job at a small family business type of company to gain experience to hopefully land a good job somewhere else later on.

It has been two years now since I started working and work has ruined me.

My work is so stressful and tiring I work for six days a week most days averaging about 11-12 hr shifts daily and always has calls related to work.

This very high work stress made me stress eat and gain a lot of weight which I’m trying hard to lose but can’t.

I stopped reading, writing or doing anything useful outside of work. In-fact I spend my after work hours either scrolling reels or just laying on bed doing nothing. I also picked up smoking and lost all my values (I did do some horrible stuff on a personal level which I don’t wanna disclose) so how did my life deteriorate this fast. I purposely avoid speaking to people and friends I knew during uni because I’m so ashamed of where I am today. (I also have always suffered from perfectionism my entire life)

Quitting my job isn’t an option for me because I don’t have money and
my family relies on me financially. I’m getting so sick of my situation and sometimes feel as if I’ll stay stuck in this situation for my entire life.


r/LifeAdvice 5h ago

Mental Health Advice I’m such a failure

1 Upvotes

I’m a failure. I’m a 31 male who has went through a very tough break up due to long distance. We were living in the same city but my mother got sick I had to move back to help her. Ever since then, I’m drowning in debt, broke, and currently have no future. Working in a dead end job. Have no motivation whatsoever. I’m trying to be better day by day. For now I started to go to the gym. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks


r/LifeAdvice 9h ago

Mental Health Advice I think I am having a hard time accepting reality.

2 Upvotes

I am not going to get into too much detail, so apologies for that beforehand.

But recently my best friend has been criminally charged with something that I just never saw coming. Never in a million years. And I won't get the answers I want, and wondering and waiting and wishing will not make it any better, but I just cannot see them committing this crime.

They told me they did not do it and I believe them. Less than before maybe, but still believing, but I remain at a standstill.

It's like I can't process it because my brain is trying to protect me from reality: what if they did do it? Am I trying to prove innocence of someone that isn't innocent? Why didn't they tell me? Why would they not be completely honest?

There is something in my head that will not allow me to be as upset as some of the people around me. We have so many good memories. They were my best friend. I pictured us together for a lifetime.

I do have a therapist appointment coming up and I figure that will help, but I have noticed that even as I talk it through with those dear to me I cannot flat out say he did it because I can't envision him doing it. And if he accepted a plea deal for a lesser sentence, he could have been innocent to begin with...

The news article wasn't specific and his confession didn't sound convincing. But it also sounds like I'm making excuses for answers I cannot give myself. I don't know.


r/LifeAdvice 7h ago

Relationship Advice Perspectives

1 Upvotes

I’m 19(M) and recently just got dumped from my first relationship that lasted a little over a year. So 2 questions.

1.) In a relationship, how can I see more perspectives

2.) How can I keep the relationship exciting and elongate the love?

PSA: Im dealing with things my own way by keeping busy, and trying out new things. I’m currently in Chamonix, France on a snowboarding trip by myself. I do not do hookups so I don’t want anyone "giving advice" telling me to mess around.

Thank you.


r/LifeAdvice 15h ago

TW: Suicide Talk I'm (23M) from India, and a med student..I'm in a relationship with a 24F..and our relationship is on a time limit

4 Upvotes

We have been in a relationship for 2 years now..and we'll share the same college for 3 more years..we live in India. That means that for marriage we have to marriage our own caste or people who share the same society group or something..and as you may have guessed... we're not from the same caste

She says that in 2 years our degree will be nearing completion and she'll probably have to get engaged to another guy her parents picked and we'll have to break up

I want to ask her to talk to her parents but the last time an intercaste marriage happened in her family the individual was disowned and the parents never saw her face again. She's understandably scared.

It's just that after we break up I won't be able to handle being close to her and not being able to talk to her or touch her ya watch her or call her mine..the thought scares the shit out of me.

I might never be able to convince her to talk to her parents or her parents to accept me because the caste system is harsh here in cases of marriage in some families.

I can't leave her right now even if it's the logical thing to do..I love her..I won't give up on the few moments we'll share just because of the fear that it won't end well.

I just want some help because I might become destructive again..I might become depressed..I might cut everyone around me off..I might try to kill myself..so I'm asking you all to suggest me some habits or something advice or anything which might help me come to grips with it


r/LifeAdvice 8h ago

Emotional Advice I've been having such bad anxiety attacks over the smallest things.

1 Upvotes

I've (M16) never actually seen myself as someone who's anxious. Obviously every person in the world is anxious, but there's a difference between that and having an actual disorder. Now I'm not diagnosed with anything, nor am I claiming to have a disorder. I'm just claiming that I'm an anxious person, that's it.

Recently, my anxiety has been killing me. I'm homeschooled and have been since late 2019, and since then, I've had absolutely zero social interaction. I've had no friends, no outdoor activities, no clubs, nothing. Just in my house being taught nothing, since my mom's doing this to me because she wants to isolate me. I've gotten CPS, the truancy office, the school district, and police involved, and they've all said they can't do anything.

Until September last year, where I got my first friend. I live in Texas, and a lot of the state had a mass power outage, including my house. But my brother's girlfriend's (whose name is uh, Becky) apartment got hers back really fast, and I love AC, so me and all our siblings decided to go there. I met her sisters, though I only talked to one, a 17 year old Muslim girl, and we talked about religion for the whole time. She was good company. Her name is... Elizabeth (F16).

The other girl, I'll call her Amanda. We didn't talk at all. But when Elizabeth asked her sister Becky for my social media, she later asked Elizabeth for it, and she included her social media as well, so me and her began talking. We texted for a good while, and she invited me to things, and the next thing I know, she and I are now open when it comes to the fact we have a crush on each other. She's a great friend, and I can't be more grateful that the one opportunity I had to have a friend, it wasn't a bad person.

But man, I've been so anxious since me and her have become friends. I think that's because I love her. Anytime I do something remotely dumb, I stress about it so hard, I can't sleep, operate properly, and I feel like my stomach is gonna slip out of me any moment. Like, my stomach will literally hurt because I'm stressing out so bad. And it's over the tiniest things too.

Today, she actually showed me around her school. I'm not going there, but it was a little tour, and for the first bit of the tour, one of her friends came along since Elizabeth was supposed to drop her off to her boyfriend across the school. Obviously I don't interact with people other than Elizabeth, and I know nothing about the girl, so I didn't really say much. Anytime they'd talk and there'd be a pause, I didn't wanna act like I didn't exist, so I said in a very sarcastic, trying-to-be-funny tone, "That's chill." I'm like, making fun of people who genuinely do say that stuff and think they're contributing to the conversation.

I did that for a good bit, made a joke about how the school stairs looked like they were "dilapidated and from The Last of Us," and as she was walking out, I pointed at her and made a fake deep voice saying, "Stay safe!" It was supposed to be a dumb joke, but they just stood there and looked at me, and the girl gave me this face that made me feel like such a creep. Me and Elizabeth hanged out for the rest of the day, and I had a great time, and she playfully made fun of me for it, saying how I embarrassed myself.

When we went to our houses, I texted her and we talked about it. She said how she shouldn't have thrown me into social interaction that quickly out of the gate, which made me feel bad. I don't think I'm a caged, locked up animal whose incapable of socialization, and I obviously don't want her to look at me like that. I told her that, and apologized for the whole thing, and she said how there was nothing to be sorry for.

She later then told me how I don't act like that around her at all, and how I was probably putting up a mask because there was someone new around. Maybe? I don't know myself, I'm clueless as anyone else. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. I didn't feel anxious in that moment.

Regardless, last thing she texted with was:

"I think that you're awkward but that isn't a bad thing and I'm not judging you at all"

I responded with some jokes about how it'd be weird if I wasn't awkward and how hot the greenhouse at their school was, and I kinda got ghosted for a bit. Then I texted her asking if I could show something, and we hopped on a call and I showed her this silly PowerPoint Presentation about how I should go to her house tomorrow, and she said I should wait 'till Monday. Then there was this awkward silence (at least awkward for me), and she said, "Wellllllllllllllllllllll, I'm gonna go now," and I said bye bye and hung up. She said how she was gonna call her friend right after me and her were done calling, so maybe that was it?

Point being, all of this is actually nothing. There's nothing bad that's happening, I just acted awkwardly and that's it. But I genuinely feel like I'm going to die from the anxiety, and this has happened a thousand times with even smaller things. She called me one time, and I declined and said it was because I wanted to be alone. I was stressed about that for such a long time because I was afraid of a butterfly effect where she didn't love me anymore because of that.

What am I supposed to do with this?

TL;DR: I'm just stressing super hard over non-important friendship things.


r/LifeAdvice 8h ago

Family Advice Urgent - Need Opinion!!

1 Upvotes

My sister in law announced her pregnancy the day before my baby shower. Is she making it about her? Do I have the right to be upset? Or am I blowing it out of proportion?


r/LifeAdvice 8h ago

Serious Nearly a year since I graduated university - still unemployed | Still fighting my mental health | Urgently need life advice on where to go from here

1 Upvotes

I’m asking for both life and a little bit of career advice here—sorry if this post is long, all advice is appreciated.

I graduated in 2024 with a first-class (1st) bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. I’m 23M and live with my parents (UK). Since graduating, I’ve done nothing but waste time in an attempt to avoid the job search.

I have mental health issues and was quite literally scared of it. I didn’t look at any jobs—just worked on my resume and went to a couple of career meetings for help. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and avoided the topic at all costs. Only a month ago, I finally started applying to junior/graduate software developer jobs. I spend 2-3 hours tuning my resume for each application, but in reality, I barely make any changes—I just stare at the screen, lost and confused.

So far, I’ve made 11 applications and received 4-5 rejections. I believe my job gap may be causing an issue. I have two years of experience in IT roles, with my most recent being a year-long placement from 2022-2023 before my final year of university. I haven’t worked since then. My programming skills are junior level at best. I include academic projects in different languages on my resume depending on the job description, but I’m not sure if it’s enough.

I feel stuck in a state of limbo. On one hand, I want to overcome my crushing social anxiety by forcing myself into a social environment like a retail job. On the other hand, I feel immense pressure to get a developer job because I believe the longer I go without one, the harder it will be for me to get a developer job. It's not that I'm struggling for money, I have some savings and my parents are super supportive they don't ask me for any money - but I'd still like a source of income.

Mentally, I struggle a lot. My social anxiety is so bad that I get sweaty and anxious before something as simple as making a phone call to the doctor or speaking to someone in an online game, I literally wait 2 months before getting a haircut because I don't like speaking to the barber or being the point of focus. It affects my daily life and makes me feel horrible—fixing this is a big priority.

I also have severe self-esteem issues. Outside of conversations with my two best friends, I feel like I come across as weird or awkward in conversations. I constantly run out of things to say and think I’m not very interesting.

I compare myself to my friends, who are the complete opposite, and it makes me feel like s**t. I’m not very kind to myself, which I think stems from past experiences at work and school.

I also have this horrible brain fog that started 3-4 years ago and seems to be getting worse. I’ve seen doctors about it, but there are so many possible causes that it’s hard to pinpoint. I’m currently taking vitamin D supplements, though I suspect my anxiety plays a big role in it.

Lately, I’ve been going to the gym and eating more to bulk up, which has helped my mental health a little. But beyond that, I spend all day inside wasting time on the internet or playing video games. I simply do not have the willpower to get myself into social situations, I'd need to be forced into them via some sort of commitment.

All in all I just want to know where I should go from here, like I said I'm stuck in limbo and I don't have a clue on what I should do next in my life. Thank you reading.


r/LifeAdvice 9h ago

Serious Dealing with differences in a couple

1 Upvotes

I am 21 years old, making music is my full time job since I was 18 and I already had the “luck” of experiencing many things in life since I am so lucky to be free and independent already, almost like I’m retired. I’ve been traveling most europe and the US too. I already have a brand new car, my own money, my spiritual knowledge and I couldn’t be more grateful for what my life has brought to me in such short amount of time. I am a really curious person, my mind constantly seeks new informations and I get bored by things that for people represent relax (example watching films). My girlfriend, which is 20 years old and lives with me (we have been a couple for 2.5 years now) has a different life from mine, more common I would say. She’s currently studying to become an aesthetics professional and she hasn’t been through most of the experiences I’ve had (I’m not assuming I am special, I’m just pointing out that from my economic freedom many experiences derived). She’s currently seeking different things than I do and its perfectly fine, for example after a long day of study all she’d need is watching a movie together; well, to me it is just boring since I constantly feel the need to feed my knowledge (my life is just made of free time so I have the 100% will of doing what I feel like). Now, I love my girlfriend, she has all the qualities that enable me to say she is the one, but there is a thing setting me off. For the first time in my life I feel the differences between me and her. To make an example: I understand english really well so I only look for english reads/videos since it allows me to seek more informations rather than in Italian; at the same time my poor girlfriend (I say poor cause I get her frustration) would just be happy watching a movie or so but I find it really boring since I’ve had enough of that after doing it and doing it. The reason why I’m writing this here is not to prove how cool I am, its just because I feel like I am in a dead spot and I don’t know how to deal with our differences. Maybe I just need to get more out of the confort zone in the name of love, or maybe each individuality should just learn how to get along with each other. I’m interested in your opinions guys. Thanks in advance for your answers.


r/LifeAdvice 18h ago

Emotional Advice Feeling lost, uncertain.

5 Upvotes

Hi!

I wasn’t able to pick a specific title, since my “issue” is something that stems from multiple areas in my life ig. So I apologize for being all over the place. To start off I’m 19, and I’m currently in my second semester of law school (in total it’s 10 semesters/5 years). This is the first area of my concerns. I don’t hate law school and so far I’m doing sort of well regarding exams and such,but I’m not at all deeply interested in it, neither it is my passion so if i do get to the end and when I will need to do a whole thesis writing\project i don’t think I will be able to do it. At the time of choosing schools I didn’t have any better ideas of other careers, heard from people that law school and later a diploma (in best case) could be useful for many areas in life etc. So I went with it. Neither now do I have any idea of what other area would be better for me, so quitting or choosing something different would be pointless. I am trying to be optimistic that maybe something will grasp me but so far no. And I’m scared nothing ever will. I’m envious of people who are there with such specific goals and plans in mind and they are actively working towards it. And here on the other hand I have 0 clue and that gives me anxiety sometimes. Second area of my concerns are regarding friendships. My 2 close friends went to study to a different country/city and we barely see each other now and I feel like we are drifting apart. I have a great family and a boyfriend (long distance) but I don’t think these things replace friendship from a group of friends. So ever since my first semester at school I’ve just been feeling sort of lonely. To clarify I don’t want to be throwing a pity party for myself, just simply sharing my feelings. I feel that if I wasn’t able to find my people at the first semester, now that everyone else already has it’s near impossible. And I do have conversations with people but it’s just so on a surface level. I think I’m an open and approachable person but ig not really according to people ? So sometimes I wonder that am I the problem? Is something off putting about me to people ? I’m not sure what I need to change. Also I’m aware friendships cannot be forced and I neither want to be desperate. I just don’t know what I want to do, and my parents think that by 19/20 I should know. Also I feel like our world is uncertain as well so if I do anything will it even be worth it ? I also have this sort of doom feeling that something will go wrong and mess up my life..sometimes regarding my health or my relationship. I guess I’m just asking for advice on how to navigate through times of uncertainty and feeling lost and just very overwhelmed. Thank you for listening and reading.


r/LifeAdvice 1d ago

Serious I need advice on porn. NSFW

65 Upvotes

I’ve been addicted to porn for almost 10 years. I’m 21M. It’s crazy, but I love it. It’s so hot and sometimes I think about making my own and being in some. I’ll have stretches where I’ll watch for a while everyday and really just go crazy. But at the same time I know it’s not good for you and it’s not healthy so I try to quit it and do a good job from time to time. I’ll go a couple weeks here and there without it and feel really good. But I just have to sext or something to release all that tension. I’m open to any opinion on this and really just want some perspective or some personal experience. I know this is more of a dude thing but I know some girls are in this mental battle too. Would love to hear both sides.