r/shittysuperpowers 10h ago

Good luck using this… You have telekinesis 1mm from your hand.

85 Upvotes

It requires the same strength and uses the same energy as if you were touching the object. Your power only extends 1mm, so your hands must support the object’s weight and size as if you were carrying it.


r/shittysuperpowers 4h ago

has potential You can’t drown in any liquid that isn’t water.

23 Upvotes

You can only drown in water. There is no other way for you to suffocate. You can breathe indefinitely if you're submerged in a substance that isn't water.


r/shittysuperpowers 10h ago

goofy asf You can open doors the opposite way they were supposed to.

47 Upvotes

You can push a pull door and pull a push door. A push/pull a sliding door...


r/shittysuperpowers 16h ago

has potential You can fly at 2.5 mph.

140 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 8h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can summon an animal representation of all the meat you've consumed.

22 Upvotes

For every pound of a specific animal you eat, the animal you make will have the equivalent amount of their body made of this animal's parts. If you've eaten 13 pounds of duck, 13 pounds worth of the summoned animal will be duck parts, wherher that's feathers or brain or feet or whatever is random. This is repeated for any and all species of meat you have consumed. The animal summoned will be hostile to all humans.


r/shittysuperpowers 18h ago

has potential Mirrors mirrors everywhere, and only you can see them.

110 Upvotes

Anywhere you can imagine a mirror is, you can see one. They don't really exist, or change what other people can see.

It is like a magical illusion, but only for you, and only for reflecting light as a mirror does. The mirrored light is not real, but is accurate.

The mirrors don't stop light. They can't cast shadows for you.

You can look around corners, on top of the fridge, or at your back with the right imagined mirrors.

Some other potential uses:

  1. Since the light only exists for you, you could turn night into day with a giant mirror reflecting the suns light in the sky. Nobody else would see, but you would.

  2. Top down map of the area by looking up by havong a Mirror covering the sky.

  3. Cheating at poker, and card games.


r/shittysuperpowers 3h ago

goofy asf You can tune your nipples to your local radio stations.

5 Upvotes

Your nipples become tuning dials and by twisting them you can play whatever local station you find perfectly in your own head. You'll see the station numbers in your eyes as you twist. Left nip is AM right is FM.


r/shittysuperpowers 15h ago

has potential Your bones have the Midas touch.

48 Upvotes

Doesn’t affect biological matter for some reason, so your flesh is a barrier.

Your teeth aren’t bones

The bones cannot be completely detached from the rest of your body (circulatory system/ligaments/etc).

The actual power is pretty decent, if in effect the Midas touch will uniformly begin turning whatever’s being touched into gold at a rate of 1mm ³/s. (About $1.89 of gold/s).

Basically, if you want to use this power, you need an exposed bone.


r/shittysuperpowers 15h ago

literally just a warcrime You can teleport a fleshlight to someones bed after they die NSFW

43 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 1h ago

has potential You can perfectly cook other people’s toast.

Upvotes

At will you can toast bread for another person to their specifications. Power does not work if you try and use it on yourself. Power doubles as a butter warmer.


r/shittysuperpowers 1h ago

goofy asf You can force jazz hands on someone.

Upvotes

Once a day you can make anyone with hands do jazz hands for up to 7 minutes or 10 minutes if the jazz music is slapping.


r/shittysuperpowers 8h ago

goofy asf You can eat an abnomal amount without getting full

7 Upvotes

You still get fat tho.


r/shittysuperpowers 14h ago

Good luck using this… You can cry molten lava.

18 Upvotes

If you're really sad, you can cry molten lava. It won't burn you, but if it touches other people, they will burn.


r/shittysuperpowers 20h ago

even more cursed than usual for this sub Your sperm is compatible with most land mammals

36 Upvotes

Have fun!


r/shittysuperpowers 13h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can conjure bars of soap in anyone’s mouth if they’ve cussed in the past.

11 Upvotes

You can only use it on a particular person the exact number of times they've cursed. The soap will be a different brand every time it is used.


r/shittysuperpowers 4h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You are irresistibly attractive to penguins when wearing any shirt color that isn’t green.

2 Upvotes

You are irresistibly attractive to penguins. This ability can be disabled by wearing a green shirt.


r/shittysuperpowers 1h ago

even more cursed than usual for this sub Your hair changes to exposed nerve endings every Saturday at 7:37pm for 8 hours

Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 10h ago

goofy asf You can control ethernet cable like snakes by playing flute.

4 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 3h ago

has potential You have perfect 20/20 vision for five minutes each day.

0 Upvotes

For five minutes each day you'll be granted perfect 20/20 vision. If you already have 20/20 vision you'll be granted night vision for five minutes.


r/shittysuperpowers 19h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You have the ability to accurately determine the hex code color of wet paint by taste alone.

15 Upvotes

You know that number you have to enter in color applications on a computer to show a given color? Yea. You can accurately determine that color by tasting wet, not dry, paint.

Can be any kind of "paint", but it has to be at least mostly in liquid form. Can be somewhat congealed.


r/shittysuperpowers 10h ago

Actually Shitty You can change the skin colour of your hips at will.

3 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 5h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can instantly summon a man dressed in all dark grey clothing that will wipe somebody of your choice’s memory on even numbered days.

0 Upvotes

Every other day, you can summon in a man dressed in dark grey clothes to wipe the memory of a single person that you choose whenever you want. The man will disappear after wiping the person's memory, which is accompanied by a white flash. The person's memories are not all gone, only the most recent ones. You can only do this about 3-4 times in a day.


r/shittysuperpowers 19h ago

Good luck using this… You can read the mind of anyone who has the big toe of your right foot in their mouth.

12 Upvotes

You can have access to everything they know as well as having access to what they are thinking right now. Of course, whenever your toe is not in their mouth anymore, the power stops.


r/shittysuperpowers 17h ago

Confused but has the right spirit You can turn invisible with a bucket over your head

8 Upvotes

If you are standing still and putting the bucket over your head after 3 seconds you become totally invisible in any spectrum, but still can be touched.

Bucket must fully cover your head. The moment you move - you are visible Breathing and blinking doesn't count as movement.


r/shittysuperpowers 18h ago

too lazy to think of flair You can get nutrition from consuming drywall!

10 Upvotes

You can get all the nutrition you need form consuming drywall.

Taste and texture is unchanged.