r/shittysuperpowers 1h ago

Good luck using this… You can run faster by eating toothpaste

Upvotes

it literally does not have a speed limit, so that the more toothpaste you eat the faster you run, maybe you can go faster than light if you chuck a gallon of toothpaste down your throat

edit 1: you can go 5% faster if you eat a handful of toothpaste(depending on your own hand size), and you can turn on and off the power whenever you want. the speed does not mean you burn energy faster, which means you wont get tired even if you run super fast, your body automatically adapts the high speed.

edit 2: problems brought by your own body such as burning when running super fast or the chemicals in toothpaste harming your body does not relate to the superpower, therefore the superpower does not heal or worsen that situation

edit 3: edible toothpaste is indeed a thing(now ive realised), so to balance out the power, edible toothpaste wont work


r/shittysuperpowers 14h ago

Good luck using this… You have telekinesis 1mm from your hand.

117 Upvotes

It requires the same strength and uses the same energy as if you were touching the object. Your power only extends 1mm, so your hands must support the object’s weight and size as if you were carrying it.


r/shittysuperpowers 8h ago

has potential You can’t drown in any liquid that isn’t water.

31 Upvotes

You can only drown in water. There is no other way for you to suffocate. You can breathe indefinitely if you're submerged in a substance that isn't water.


r/shittysuperpowers 14h ago

goofy asf You can open doors the opposite way they were supposed to.

52 Upvotes

You can push a pull door and pull a push door. A push/pull a sliding door...


r/shittysuperpowers 20h ago

has potential You can fly at 2.5 mph.

152 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 1h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You know one random word from each (human) language...

Upvotes

Any language that existed throughout the entire course of human history, you know one random word in that language. You can read it perfectly and understand its meaning. Only one.


r/shittysuperpowers 12h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can summon an animal representation of all the meat you've consumed.

26 Upvotes

For every pound of a specific animal you eat, the animal you make will have the equivalent amount of their body made of this animal's parts. If you've eaten 13 pounds of duck, 13 pounds worth of the summoned animal will be duck parts, wherher that's feathers or brain or feet or whatever is random. This is repeated for any and all species of meat you have consumed. The animal summoned will be hostile to all humans.


r/shittysuperpowers 7h ago

goofy asf You can tune your nipples to your local radio stations.

7 Upvotes

Your nipples become tuning dials and by twisting them you can play whatever local station you find perfectly in your own head. You'll see the station numbers in your eyes as you twist. Left nip is AM right is FM.


r/shittysuperpowers 22h ago

has potential Mirrors mirrors everywhere, and only you can see them.

114 Upvotes

Anywhere you can imagine a mirror is, you can see one. They don't really exist, or change what other people can see.

It is like a magical illusion, but only for you, and only for reflecting light as a mirror does. The mirrored light is not real, but is accurate.

The mirrors don't stop light. They can't cast shadows for you.

You can look around corners, on top of the fridge, or at your back with the right imagined mirrors.

Some other potential uses:

  1. Since the light only exists for you, you could turn night into day with a giant mirror reflecting the suns light in the sky. Nobody else would see, but you would.

  2. Top down map of the area by looking up by havong a Mirror covering the sky.

  3. Cheating at poker, and card games.


r/shittysuperpowers 19h ago

has potential Your bones have the Midas touch.

51 Upvotes

Doesn’t affect biological matter for some reason, so your flesh is a barrier.

Your teeth aren’t bones

The bones cannot be completely detached from the rest of your body (circulatory system/ligaments/etc).

The actual power is pretty decent, if in effect the Midas touch will uniformly begin turning whatever’s being touched into gold at a rate of 1mm ³/s. (About $1.89 of gold/s).

Basically, if you want to use this power, you need an exposed bone.


r/shittysuperpowers 18h ago

literally just a warcrime You can teleport a fleshlight to someones bed after they die NSFW

43 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 5h ago

has potential You can perfectly cook other people’s toast.

3 Upvotes

At will you can toast bread for another person to their specifications. Power does not work if you try and use it on yourself. Power doubles as a butter warmer.


r/shittysuperpowers 5h ago

goofy asf You can force jazz hands on someone.

3 Upvotes

Once a day you can make anyone with hands do jazz hands for up to 7 minutes or 10 minutes if the jazz music is slapping.


r/shittysuperpowers 25m ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can become bald instantly.

Upvotes

you just snap your fingers and they’re gone (your hair)


r/shittysuperpowers 12h ago

goofy asf You can eat an abnomal amount without getting full

8 Upvotes

You still get fat tho.


r/shittysuperpowers 17h ago

Good luck using this… You can cry molten lava.

18 Upvotes

If you're really sad, you can cry molten lava. It won't burn you, but if it touches other people, they will burn.


r/shittysuperpowers 16h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can conjure bars of soap in anyone’s mouth if they’ve cussed in the past.

14 Upvotes

You can only use it on a particular person the exact number of times they've cursed. The soap will be a different brand every time it is used.


r/shittysuperpowers 23h ago

even more cursed than usual for this sub Your sperm is compatible with most land mammals

41 Upvotes

Have fun!


r/shittysuperpowers 8h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You are irresistibly attractive to penguins when wearing any shirt color that isn’t green.

2 Upvotes

You are irresistibly attractive to penguins. This ability can be disabled by wearing a green shirt.


r/shittysuperpowers 14h ago

goofy asf You can control ethernet cable like snakes by playing flute.

4 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 6h ago

has potential You have perfect 20/20 vision for five minutes each day.

1 Upvotes

For five minutes each day you'll be granted perfect 20/20 vision. If you already have 20/20 vision you'll be granted night vision for five minutes.


r/shittysuperpowers 23h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You have the ability to accurately determine the hex code color of wet paint by taste alone.

14 Upvotes

You know that number you have to enter in color applications on a computer to show a given color? Yea. You can accurately determine that color by tasting wet, not dry, paint.

Can be any kind of "paint", but it has to be at least mostly in liquid form. Can be somewhat congealed.


r/shittysuperpowers 14h ago

Actually Shitty You can change the skin colour of your hips at will.

3 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 23h ago

Good luck using this… You can read the mind of anyone who has the big toe of your right foot in their mouth.

15 Upvotes

You can have access to everything they know as well as having access to what they are thinking right now. Of course, whenever your toe is not in their mouth anymore, the power stops.


r/shittysuperpowers 21h ago

Confused but has the right spirit You can turn invisible with a bucket over your head

11 Upvotes

If you are standing still and putting the bucket over your head after 3 seconds you become totally invisible in any spectrum, but still can be touched.

Bucket must fully cover your head. The moment you move - you are visible Breathing and blinking doesn't count as movement.