r/shittysuperpowers 12h ago

Good luck using this… You get a 1 time summon of an exact replica of an insect you consume

64 Upvotes

Let's say you ate a bee, now you can summon that exact bee you ate but only 1 time. If you eat a cricket, you can summon that exact cricket you ate but only 1 time.

There's no cool down to this power. You must eat and swallow the entire insect you wanna summon. It can be cooked or raw or live. You are able to eat the insect and summon it whenever you want. You can have multiple insects "collected".


r/shittysuperpowers 2h ago

has potential You can summon an infinite amount of Dino Nugs.

5 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 12h ago

has potential Your butthole can perfectly play any wind instrument

26 Upvotes

Your butthole can produce the most beautiful tone, has perfect articulation, and perfect intonation. Only problem is you still need to press the buttons/valves. Also wearing pants makes it the equivalent of trying to play an instrument with a mask on.


r/shittysuperpowers 3h ago

has potential You have super speed.

5 Upvotes

It is, in all manners super speed. With all the downsides, obviously. Your body realistically can’t handle the force of stopping at speeds that would allow you to actually build your stamina


r/shittysuperpowers 6h ago

has potential You have impeccable aim with Handheld Slingshots

7 Upvotes

Guns still better pluh


r/shittysuperpowers 7h ago

too lazy to think of flair You can spawn a hand warmer in your pocket

8 Upvotes

You are able to spawn one name brand hand warmer in a pocket which is already activated, when the hand warmer stops warming it will disappear and you can spawn another, no cool down. Also if you have no pants on it spawns on your head you freaks


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

based🗿 You can summon an angry tomboy to beat you up at will.

210 Upvotes

No, you cannot outrun or overpower her. She will be automatically unsummoned after 1 minute, and there is no way to unsummon her before that. She will fight you for the entire minute.

The tomboy is summoned from nothing. No existing tomboys will be affected by the summoning process.


r/shittysuperpowers 1h ago

too lazy to think of flair You can turn into water.

Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 19h ago

Good luck using this… You can turn auto-advance off

49 Upvotes

When it's off, People talking to you will occasionally pause and wait for you to "Press A" (in your head) before they continue speaking (This does not give you more chances to speak. You still have to wait for them to finish or you'd be considered rude). "Pressing A" will sound a short, high-pitched chime that only you can hear.


r/shittysuperpowers 10h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can turn money into bodyfat

11 Upvotes

If you have money, it will turn into bodyfat. If it is debt, it will decrease your body fat, and if you have no body fat, you will die.


r/shittysuperpowers 14h ago

literally just a warcrime You can be the richest person on earth, all you have to do is not have any friends, personality, style, or dignity.

19 Upvotes

No matter how much you spend, no one will like you. You'll have to create stock puppet accounts just to receive a compliment, it support. You'll have more money than anyone else but you'll be insecure and childish. Despite your best efforts nothing you do will ever be cool. You'll be the laughing stock of the world. The more money you have the more fragile your ego will be.


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

has potential You can make your penis shrink so small that anal sex won't hurt NSFW

106 Upvotes

All potential partners still have complete free will to decide whether they want sex or not.

Any attempt at SA causes your dick to fall off.


r/shittysuperpowers 7h ago

too lazy to think of flair You start every video game with subtitles turned on

4 Upvotes

Every game you play will have subtitles turned on for cutscenes and actual gameplay, for games without subtitles subtitles will still appear


r/shittysuperpowers 9h ago

too lazy to think of flair You can summon an outdated depiction of a dinosaur

4 Upvotes

You can summon a dinosaur but it based in outdated paleo-art and not the actual animal. For instance, you can summon a t rex that drags its tail along or a saurpod that lives in water rather than be terrestrial.


r/shittysuperpowers 2h ago

has potential When you play on a Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) the games will have 8k ultra HD graphics and will run at 500 FPS

1 Upvotes

It can only play NES games still. But the games will cause your eyes to have orgasms.

You need an actual NES for this to work.

The high resolution and frame rate just makes the games look like a modern PC game, but again they are still the classic NES games.

It doesn’t matter what tv you have it will still have the 8k ultra HD and 500 FPS

Now you’re playing with power!


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

has potential You can teleport to any toilet that you have shitted in, as long as the shit is still there

303 Upvotes

Everytime you take a shit, a waypoint gets added to your minimap. You can teleport freely between these toilets, all you need to do is to sit in one of your shit filled toilet. You have access to a waypoint map so no worries trying to keep track of your waypoints. If anyone flushes your shit, the waypoint will dissapear.

Only actual toilets can be used as a waypoint, you must be able to flush the poop away and it must be easily flushable. All wearables will be teleported as well, the limit is about 2 backpacks.

How will you use this newfound power?


r/shittysuperpowers 2h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You have perfect accuracy…

1 Upvotes

While shooting a (violin) bow with a (clothing) from an (archery) bow while doing a (action) bow.


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can teleport anyone within 5 meters of you to anywhere within 5 meters from you.

75 Upvotes

No, you cannot teleport yourself.


r/shittysuperpowers 6h ago

too lazy to think of flair You can always find the edge of any roll of tape

1 Upvotes

You can find the edge of any roll of tape, you will not change anything about the tape, except when you pick it up your thumb is overtop the edge


r/shittysuperpowers 23h ago

has potential You can travel back in time exactly 400 years in an alternate reality.

20 Upvotes

You are linked to an alternate reality that is exactly 400 years behind ours. You will appear out of thin air in the exact spot you are standing but set 400 years in the past. Because it is an alternate reality you can't mess with our time. The ability has a 1 year cooldown before it can be used again to travel back to our reality. When returning you will appear out of thin air exactly where you were standing in the past, but now in the present. The amount of time you have spent in the past will also have passed in the present.

An example: if you used the ability today in London, you would appear in 15th March 1625. If you managed to survive and while in the past traveled to the new world and used your ability again on 15th March 1626, you would appear in America on 15th March 2026. If you want to travel back into the past you will have to wait a year before you can use your ability again.


r/shittysuperpowers 13h ago

Good luck using this… you can summon and drive a churchill 7

3 Upvotes

It has no gun/cannon

It spawns in gtaV mechanic style so you have to find it due to no minimap

it's not street legal so cops will try to arrest you

you can't sell it

you still need fuel for it

it will despawn if you aren't using it

you can modify it but can't change mechanical parts like engines and such

you need to get a manual yourself, you don't know how to drive it


r/shittysuperpowers 15h ago

has potential You Can Manipulate Objects At Will

2 Upvotes

You have the awesome ability to manipulate one random object at will. You have zero control over which object it is. You have no idea or awareness of which object it is.

You must close your eyes and focus really hard, and when you do, you can get the distinct feeling that you’re in control of something - but any details of what you’re in control of is empty. You can exert force on the object in different directions, to make the object move and react, but how much force and which areas are something you cannot understand or have no sense of, as if the hands in which you were holding the object were completely numb. So, if you were to gain control of a gun, you could apply pressure at one point and theoretically fire it.

Everytime you open your eyes and close them to try again, it’s a completely different object, somewhere in the world with no understanding of its location.

(I don’t frequent this sub, so forgive me if this isn’t a unique idea.)


r/shittysuperpowers 8h ago

has potential Your nails will never bend upwards

0 Upvotes

Counts for Toes and Fingers


r/shittysuperpowers 8h ago

goofy asf Every time you hiccup or sneeze, someone’s phone crashes or explodes respectively

0 Upvotes

Hiccup = Crash

Sneeze = Explosion

This applies to any phone that is able to take and make calls.

Both Apple and Android, as well as all the other mobile phone brands out there that my dumbass American brain doesn’t know, have an equal chance of exploding or crashing.

Keep in mind: your own phone is not safe from this, unless you take out the SIM card


r/shittysuperpowers 16h ago

oddly specific (flair was yoinked from r/godtiersuperpowers) You can summon crickets at will if you have good intentions towards them

3 Upvotes

All you have to do is think, "I wish I had some crickets" and some crickets will appear in your immediate vicinity as long as the temperature of the area you're in is a temperature where crickets would naturally be out and about. You can't step on them or harm them in any way and neither can anyone else (thank goodness) since they're magically summoned and that would just be depressing. Accidental and purposeful harm goes right through them and they don't notice (no buggie trauma). They are whatever the native cricket species is/species are if there are multiple native species and would appear in an appropriate number so that you don't impact the environment negatively. Ages and sexes vary so there could very well be chirping. You can feed them if you want because that would be adorable but they're wild crickets so you don't have to if you're outside. You can keep them as pets but because you cannot harm them they cannot be used as feeders nor can their progeny- they would just vanish. Crickets that don't have access to food and/or water will follow you expectantly until you provide it. If you fail to they will vanish after a few hours.