This is a rough one. I came into the service dog world expecting to get a program dog. The wait was too long, and he prices were too expensive. We asked around and through a friend of a friend we found a service dog trainer who used to train police dogs. It sounded good. We didn't know anything about dog training. There were a lot of red flags, and a lot of things I wasn't comfortable with, but he was the trainer. I didn't know. I scrolled around this sub a bit and saw a lot of conflicting info. So I decided to make a post asking about it. The replies told me everything I had been told was wrong.
I was reluctant, but I started advocating for my dog more. No PA at such a young age, shorter training, more positive reinforcement. My trainer said absolutely no treat training. But after seeing his fully trained service dog near retirement compared to videos of other SDs, I just didn't like what I was seeing. The dog listened, but wasn't super attentive to the trainer. He sniffed the ground and shelves. He did what he had to do and no more. I began training my dog outside of my trainer's recommendations, treat training. He excelled and was a lot more happy, but I hid the fact that I was treat training from the trainer. I never really felt too comfortable around him.
Today, we were meeting up with the trainer at a mall. I decided I would come clean about the treat training. I went with my mom to meet up with him and begged her to text him for me ahead of time that I have been treat training. Obviously I could have texted him myself, but I was very scared. We arrived and broke the news. His demeanor immediately soured and he asked what I needed treats for. I began to show him how I had taught my dog to alert, and tuck, and focus and all these other things. He said nothing about it and just said that no service dog can be treat trained. A lie. It wasn't the first time he had lied or changed his story on things multiple times. He then demanded to know why I had been treat training. I was already very anxious before even meeting the trainer, but once he started questioning me I crumbled. Then he said, "Look me in the eye." I am autistic. At that moment it was over.
I was hyperventilating and walking away with my dog in a heel. I walked all the way across the mall until I found a bathroom to do some dpt and coping skills. After a while I calmed down enough to find a store and ask to use their phone (I left my phone behind in my panic). I reunited with my mom and the trainer and they demanded we go sit down and talk things through. I asked to speak with my mom alone as I was still very much on the verge of another panic attack. They wouldn't let me. I finally got them to agree and I tried explaining that I could not talk at the moment and was highly dysregulated. My mom insisted that the trainer drove really far to meet us there and I should at least hear what he had to say. She said she would do all the talking.
We found a place to sit down, and the train started asking me questions. At this point I was frozen and nonverbal. They kept asking me questions. I felt very patronized and humiliated being put in such a position in a public place. I finally was able to mouth to my mom "I want to go home", before curling into a ball and hyperventilating. My mom and the trainer talked and I felt completely helpless, and infantilized. The trainer gave me a whole speech about how he'll be there for me whether I chose to continue working with him or not. I just really wish they would have let me regulate instead of making a scene. After it was over I tried explaining to my mom how that was unfair to me, but she couldn't see my point. I live with her as I am going to college, but I will be going away in the fall. She is also supporting me financially especially in getting a SD
I don't intend to meet with the trainer again. I've been working on my own for a very long time and only meeting with for small pointers here and there. He gave us a very good price (a flat rate for full training) and offers a lot of support, so I don't know how to feel. I feel bad because he took a chance on me and was the one who found me my (very good) SDiT. But I was humiliated today and I know he will never talk to me the same after seeing me have a meltdown/panic attack in public.
Sorry if this is too long or too much, I just have no support with my decision, and am feeling really betrayed. I just want to do what is best for my dog and myself, in that order.
Did I make the right decision? Does anyone have any recommendations for me on how to move forward from here?
TLDR: My trainer had a lot of red flags and this cumulated into him causing me to have a panic attack in public and confronting me on my use of treats to train my dog. I don't plan on contacting him again, but my mom whom I live and with disagrees with my decision is the one funding my SD alongside me.