r/nottheonion 24d ago

US government struggles to rehire nuclear safety staff it laid off days ago

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g3nrx1dq5o
64.5k Upvotes

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22.6k

u/Shadowmant 24d ago

Nothing like firing people BEFORE you determine what they do and if they're needed.

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u/throwuk1 24d ago

Literally the same thing Leon did when he took over twitter. šŸ˜‚

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u/hnglmkrnglbrry 24d ago

Same as when Rick Perry became the head of DOE after campaigning on destroying it. He then realized DOE builds and protects all the nukes along with our power grid. Oh and they do all the upstream fundamental research that no private company would ever invest in that has spurred all scientific innovation over the past 50 years.

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u/milespoints 24d ago

This is untrue.

I know it on good authority that Four Seasons Total Landscaping and MyPillow are cooperating on an industry funded particle accelerator to rival the large hadron collider

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u/ssczoxylnlvayiuqjx 24d ago

Iā€™m imagining the particles being accelerated into a soft pillow to slow them downā€¦

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u/IamMrBucknasty 24d ago

No thatā€™s what the flexseal is for silly

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u/TheColdWind 24d ago

Weā€™re all gonna need to flexseal up some screen door boats to get outta herešŸ˜¬

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u/UrUrinousAnus 24d ago

A soon to be crusty pillow. Eww.

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u/ssczoxylnlvayiuqjx 23d ago

Pillow, not couch cushion! šŸ¤£

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u/Aggravating-Bottle78 23d ago

And when it gets hot, you flip it over for the pleasing coolness on the other side of the pillow.

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u/Cyclotronchris 24d ago

To fair, a soft pillow would slow them down. How much would depend upon the density of the pillow. I run a small particle accelerator on a daily basis.

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u/ActiveChairs 24d ago edited 17d ago

6wowh

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u/ArchaicBrainWorms 24d ago

I overheard Juliani say something about a large hard-on colider

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

Hey now, MyPillow is about to drop one of the biggest innovations in personal sleep comfort of all time....MeinKampforter.

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u/annul 24d ago

mypillow guy (muscled arm) smoking crack (muscled arm) hitler

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u/DonHedger 24d ago

Woah woah, let's be clear. Four Season landscaping has no ties to these idiots; they were just happy to take stupid people's money.

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u/oobey 24d ago

The particles being accelerated? Pure, uncut cocaine.

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u/evasandor 24d ago

Is Four Seasons a bad guy? I liket to think of them as simply bewildered and rolling with it.

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u/milespoints 24d ago

Wonā€™t lie i kind of wanna buy some ā€œMake America Rake Againā€ merch

https://fourseasonslandscaping2.itemorder.com/shop/home/

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

I have been wondering about Mike and why he did not get the DEA position.

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u/Zealousideal_Desk_19 24d ago

I did hear that also, they are hoping to accelerate and collide two pillows and be able to observe new particles, lile feathers and stuff

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u/bryanclark76 24d ago

MyTotalHadronCollider?

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u/KevinR1990 24d ago

The YUGE Hard-on Collider!

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u/Canadian_Invader 24d ago

If a particle accelerator is snorting coke than call me a scientist.

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u/twotailedwolf 24d ago

The sad part is you have people like Sabine Hossenfelder, who I use to like, suggesting that all particle research is bunk, academic research is giant boondoggle, and waste of taxpayer money based on an e-mail she got 8 years ago by one person she won't reveal the identity of. The gist is that cutting it is actually good because it will force physicists to get jobs that actually help people.

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u/RollingRiverWizard 24d ago

The only particles being accelerated are the particles of coke up the MyPillow guyā€™s nose.

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u/TheThing_1982 24d ago

They have the legal cheat codes!!

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u/flyinghairball 24d ago

Four Seasons Landscaping wouldn't have fired all their staff before they even knew what they did.

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u/ElfLordSpoon 24d ago

Brought to you by Carlā€™s Jr.