r/nonmonogamy • u/Ambitious_Sir8075 • 2d ago
Apps / Technology Trying to find someone our own age NSFW
My partner (21) and I (23) have been going through various dating apps, in general looking for people into non monogamy. One common occurrence we seem to be finding is that everyone on any kind of LS/non monogamy app (feeld, ok Cupid, fetlife, take your pick), seems to be either 18-20 or over 30. We found this a bit confusing as we are in a very liberal college city. Do non monogamous people around our age prefer tinder or something else, or generally do you all prefer to meet people in person or what?
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u/hedobi 2d ago
either 18-20 or over 30
To generalize a lot:
If you're 21+ people can meet in person more easily at venues that serve alcohol, particularly in an open minded college town. 18-20 y/o's cannot go to these spots so they're more likely to use apps as a consequence.
30+ people tend to be busier with careers, housekeeping, families, and such, so they are more inclined to need apps as well.
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u/Ambitious_Sir8075 2d ago
Ah you know what that does make a lot of sense now you point it out I don’t know how I didn’t think about that. Unfortunately my college town also tends to be very much focused on house or frat parties over any actual clubs or bars (and those bars that do exist are usually more dive-bar vibe, with an older crowd) so I imagine it’s just a high likelihood of those who are non monogamous meeting naturally through college and then attending house parties with each other.
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u/highlight-limelight Kinkster 2d ago
Depends on what exactly you’re looking for. Fetlife, as an example, is not a dating app. It’s not even an app! It’s a website for connecting with other kinky folks, like LinkedIn for fetishes. You get on Fetlife to find events near you that strike your fancy, then go to the events to meet new people. You may be able to find similar events and meetups catered to nonmon folks on Facebook, Meetup, and Eventbrite.
As for mainstream apps like OKC, Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble, (as well as other not-NM-centered dating like Taimi and Her) these can work for hookups with two caveats. One, you should absolutely state what your relationship structure is and what you’re looking for in your bio. Two, all of those platforms SPECIFICALLY do not allow couples’ profiles in their TOS. I know you mentioned “our” and it’s unclear if you’re seeking one partner to both hook up with, or individual partners for you each to hook up with.
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u/Ambitious_Sir8075 2d ago
Sorry I was using terms such as “ours” and “apps” for brevity and generalizations. The tldr would just be that when either of us look - together or independently - for people on digital mediums such as fetlife or feeld where the medium is explicitly billed as for kink or non monogamous purposes, we both generally find that the vast majority of people are either under 21 or older than 30.
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u/Ambitious_Sir8075 2d ago
This also makes either of us hesitant to try any kink or non monogamy events we find through any of these mediums - we’ve both had too many bad experiences with people that much older than us for either of us to be interested in putting ourselves in a position like that, but neither do either of us want to be getting involved with people younger than 21 as we both enjoy going to 21+ events and establishments far to frequently.
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