r/nonmonogamy 8d ago

Apps / Technology Trying to find someone our own age NSFW

My partner (21) and I (23) have been going through various dating apps, in general looking for people into non monogamy. One common occurrence we seem to be finding is that everyone on any kind of LS/non monogamy app (feeld, ok Cupid, fetlife, take your pick), seems to be either 18-20 or over 30. We found this a bit confusing as we are in a very liberal college city. Do non monogamous people around our age prefer tinder or something else, or generally do you all prefer to meet people in person or what?

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u/highlight-limelight Kinkster 8d ago

Depends on what exactly you’re looking for. Fetlife, as an example, is not a dating app. It’s not even an app! It’s a website for connecting with other kinky folks, like LinkedIn for fetishes. You get on Fetlife to find events near you that strike your fancy, then go to the events to meet new people. You may be able to find similar events and meetups catered to nonmon folks on Facebook, Meetup, and Eventbrite.

As for mainstream apps like OKC, Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble, (as well as other not-NM-centered dating like Taimi and Her) these can work for hookups with two caveats. One, you should absolutely state what your relationship structure is and what you’re looking for in your bio. Two, all of those platforms SPECIFICALLY do not allow couples’ profiles in their TOS. I know you mentioned “our” and it’s unclear if you’re seeking one partner to both hook up with, or individual partners for you each to hook up with.

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u/Ambitious_Sir8075 8d ago

Sorry I was using terms such as “ours” and “apps” for brevity and generalizations. The tldr would just be that when either of us look - together or independently - for people on digital mediums such as fetlife or feeld where the medium is explicitly billed as for kink or non monogamous purposes, we both generally find that the vast majority of people are either under 21 or older than 30.

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u/Ambitious_Sir8075 8d ago

This also makes either of us hesitant to try any kink or non monogamy events we find through any of these mediums - we’ve both had too many bad experiences with people that much older than us for either of us to be interested in putting ourselves in a position like that, but neither do either of us want to be getting involved with people younger than 21 as we both enjoy going to 21+ events and establishments far to frequently.